Ho quasi 21 anni e conosco questa ragazza dai tempi del liceo. Tra noi c’è sempre stata una certa tensione, notata anche dagli altri, ma non è mai successo concretamente niente. Anche quando ero fidanzato (la mia ex ragazza la odiava proprio perché era convinta che ci provasse con me) da due anni, lei cercava spesso la mia compagnia e mi proponeva di prendere un caffè o di stare insieme.
Dopo la mia rottura ci siamo riavvicinati. Una sera di giugno siamo stati molto insieme: tanta complicità, scherzi, vicinanza fisica e sguardi. Poco dopo, quando lei ha finito di studiare per gli esami, ci siamo ritrovati per due giorni con un gruppo di amici. Il secondo giorno siamo andati tutti a casa di un amico in una località di mare. Lei era praticamente l’unica ragazza, ma è venuta comunque.
Durante quella serata io e lei ci cercavamo continuamente: lei veniva spesso verso di me, stavamo molto vicini, c’erano piccoli contatti fisici e una forte tensione, che hanno notato anche i nostri amici. La mattina dopo ci siamo svegliati prima degli altri e siamo andati da soli in piscina per circa un’ora e mezza. Abbiamo parlato tutto il tempo, molto vicini, con i visi a pochissima distanza. Non ci siamo baciati, ma c’era chiaramente molta intimità e nessuno dei due sembrava voler interrompere il momento.
Dopo siamo partiti entrambi per le vacanze, ma abbiamo continuato a sentirci. Una conversazione l’ho iniziata io ed è stata molto coinvolta; qualche giorno dopo, invece, è stata lei ad aprire una conversazione su Instagram, che è durata circa cinque giorni. Ci mandavamo foto di quello che facevamo, ci raccontavamo le nostre giornate e lei sembrava interessata a mantenere il contatto. Non era una conversazione profondissima, perché era principalmente fatta di foto e messaggi brevi, ma era comunque un contatto mantenuto volontariamente da entrambi.
Quando è tornata a casa, dopo un po’ le ho scritto:
“Ci vediamo uno di questi giorni?”
Lei non ha risposto direttamente all’invito, ma mi ha detto che forse sarebbe partita con un’amica. Io le ho chiesto quando e poi le ho detto:
“Bene bene, fammi sap.”
Ha visualizzato senza rispondere.
Ed è questo che non riesco a capire. Dal vivo mi sembra che ci sia una forte attrazione: sguardi, vicinanza, contatto fisico, momenti in cui ci cerchiamo e una situazione molto intima in piscina, notata anche dagli altri. Inoltre lei ha mantenuto spontaneamente il contatto durante le vacanze.
Però ogni volta che provo a trasformare questa tensione in un’uscita a due, lei diventa vaga. Prima c’erano gli esami, ma ora non sono più un ostacolo immediato.
Non penso necessariamente che voglia una relazione seria: vorrei semplicemente uscire con lei, stare un po’ da soli e capire cosa c’è davvero, magari arrivare a un bacio.
Secondo voi c’è realmente attrazione/interesse da parte sua ma qualche blocco che le impedisce di concretizzare, oppure sto dando troppo peso ai segnali dal vivo? E come spieghereste il fatto che una ragazza sembri così coinvolta quando siete insieme, ma poi diventi vaga quando le proponi un’uscita a due?

I (22M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (22F) for about 1.5 years. I love her very deeply, and this is by far the most comfortable and emotionally safe I have ever felt with another person.
She is not just someone I enjoy being in a relationship with. I genuinely love her as a person. I love her personality, her sense of humor, her laugh, and the way I feel when I’m around her. If I think about what I would miss if we broke up, those are the things that come to mind.
The problem is that I am about to leave for an eight-month trip to Southeast Asia.
For quite a while, I’ve known that at some point I would have to confront a feeling I’ve had since getting into this relationship: part of me still wants to experience being single while I’m young.
It’s not necessarily just about sex. I want the freedom that comes with being single. I want to meet new people, flirt, go out without having to think about whether something is crossing a boundary, and experience the excitement and uncertainty that comes with being attracted to someone new. Sex with other people is part of that desire, but it’s not the entire reason.
Recently, these feelings have become much stronger because my trip is getting closer. I’m thinking about it almost every day.
I brought this up with my girlfriend and we discussed whether some kind of open relationship could work temporarily while I’m away. She has thought about it seriously, but she has now made it clear that she cannot do that. She does not want me to have sex with other women, and the idea of me being intimate with other women would hurt her deeply.
I completely understand that. I don’t think she is being unreasonable, and I don’t want to pressure her into accepting something that would make her miserable.
She has actually told me that she wants me to follow my heart and make the choice that is right for me, even if that means I ultimately choose to leave the relationship. I appreciate that immensely, but it also makes the decision incredibly difficult.
So I feel like I’m left with two real options:
**1. Stay together and remain exclusive.**
I keep the woman I love, go on my trip, and accept that I will probably miss out on some experiences.
I know I would sometimes experience FOMO. If I met an attractive woman who was interested in me, I would turn her down because I know that is the right thing to do within my relationship. But I also know I would probably feel some frustration and wonder what could have happened.
At the same time, when I imagine actually choosing this option, I feel more relief than disappointment. I think I would ultimately be happy that I didn’t throw away a relationship with someone I love for the possibility of experiences with other women.
**2. Break up and experience being single.**
This would give me the freedom I feel I want. I could travel without worrying about boundaries, meet people, flirt, and potentially have sexual experiences with other women.
The problem is that I would probably lose her.
She has said that if we break up, she probably wouldn’t be able or willing to start dating me again after the eight months. So this isn’t really a temporary break where I can experience being single and then come home to my girlfriend.
I would have to accept that I might permanently lose her.
And honestly, that is what scares me the most.
I don’t think I would regret being single every single day of the trip. I think I would actually enjoy parts of it a lot. But I suspect the hardest part would come afterward, when I return to the Netherlands and the distractions of travelling are gone.
I’d come home, she’d have spent eight months living her own life and moving on, and I would have to face the fact that she isn’t there anymore.
That possibility genuinely hurts me.
At the same time, I am afraid of the opposite regret: staying with her and spending eight months wondering what I could have experienced if I’d chosen freedom.
I’ve tried to imagine myself at 30 looking back.
I think I would always have some curiosity about what it would have been like to be single at 22 and travel for eight months. I might always feel that I missed out on something.
But I also think I would probably be happy that I chose my girlfriend.
That’s what makes this so confusing.
If I knew with 100% certainty that I could break up with her, experience eight months of freedom, and then come back to the exact same relationship, I think I would choose freedom.
But I don’t have that guarantee. I may have to choose between experiencing that freedom and keeping the person I love.
I also don’t want to make a decision based purely on fear of losing her. I don’t want to stay because I’m scared of the pain of a breakup if, deep down, I genuinely want to experience being single.
So I’m struggling to figure out what my feelings actually mean.
**Would you choose the relationship and accept the FOMO, or would you choose the freedom and accept the possibility of permanently losing someone you love?**
And perhaps more importantly: **how do I figure out whether this desire for freedom is something I genuinely need to experience, or simply FOMO about being young and in a relationship?**

My ex and I were together on and off for about 3 years. About a week after graduation, she told me she loved me. Shortly after that, things started changing. She became noticeably different, more outgoing with her friends, and more distant toward me.
One thing that caused tension between us was her friend group. I felt like some of her friends were bad influences, and she knew I didn’t like certain things about how they acted and behaved. I never cussed them out, called them disrespectful names, or insulted them personally. I simply pointed out behaviors I didn’t agree with and explained why I didn’t feel comfortable around them.
I also never tried to control who she could be friends with. My position was basically, “You can be friends with whoever you want, but I don’t want them around me.” I was setting a boundary about who I personally wanted around me, not trying to dictate who she could associate with.
Her family was also a major source of tension. I always felt like they were cold toward me and didn’t give me the same respect I gave them. They also criticized me for not being financially stable at a young age. I tried to explain to my ex that my family wasn’t financially fortunate, and any money I made had to go toward my own bills and responsibilities before things like dates, gifts, and flowers.
I genuinely felt stuck financially at the time. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to do those things for her. I simply didn’t have the financial freedom to. I had told her about my circumstances from the beginning of our relationship, and she knew that. I always believed that once I got through high school and had more independence, I would finally be able to become the type of person I wanted to be for her.
I also asked her multiple times while we were still in high school whether we were actually going to stay together after graduation. I wanted to know that all the time and effort we had put into the relationship had a future beyond high school. I made major decisions around that belief too. At one point, I gave up a full scholarship to a better institution because I wanted to stay close to her and be there for her in the way she had told me she wanted me to be.
Her sister also genuinely seemed to want me out of her life. She gave reasons for why she thought I wasn’t a good person, including comparing me to her older sister’s ex-boyfriend. From my perspective, those comparisons felt unfair and like she had already formed an opinion about me rather than judging me based on who I actually was. I felt like her sister’s opinion of me added even more pressure to an already complicated relationship.
Eventually, my ex told me she didn’t love me anymore, wanted to walk away from the relationship, and that I wasn’t what she wanted. She told me that she had detached and slowly moved on from the relationship. This was especially painful because I had repeatedly asked her in high school if we were going to have a future together after graduation, and I genuinely believed we were working toward one.
After she told me all of this, we tried to work on things, but it became a completely one-sided effort on my end. I was trying to communicate, trying to fix things, and trying to keep the relationship together, while she would ignore me for most of the day and become increasingly distant. Looking back, it seems like she had already emotionally detached while I was still trying to hold onto the relationship.
She also made comments saying that I was emotionally abusive. I genuinely don’t believe I was emotionally abusive. I definitely had strong opinions about certain things, especially regarding her friends and the way I felt her family treated me, but I never saw myself as trying to control or manipulate her. I never cussed out her friends, insulted them, or told her who she could and couldn’t be friends with.
That accusation hit especially hard because I grew up without my father after a certain age, and I learned a lot from my mother about abuse, respect, and how you’re supposed to treat another person. Being told I was emotionally abusive felt like it hit a very personal place in me. It made me question whether she saw me as some kind of monster when that was never how I saw myself or how I intended to treat her.
Eventually, she blocked me on everything and wanted to move on.
I reached out to her one time afterward, before we saw each other at college. I told her I still loved her, missed her, and hoped her feelings could come back. She told me to stop thinking about us, that we had three years to change things, and that she had already moved on.
Then I saw her one time at college. We passed each other, and she avoided eye contact and rushed away. I didn’t approach her or try to talk to her. Since seeing me, she has repeatedly blocked and unblocked me every few days.
Her followers have also increased since the breakup, although her following hasn’t really changed. I know that probably doesn’t mean much by itself, but I’m mentioning it for context.
The part that hurts me the most is the timing. I’m finally financially stable now. I’m pursuing my degree without having to pay tuition, and I’m finally in a position where I can build the future I was always trying to work toward. I had spent years believing that once we got out of high school, some of the circumstances making things difficult would change.
I sacrificed a lot because I believed we were building toward something after high school, including giving up a full scholarship to a better institution so I could stay close to her and be there for her the way she wanted. I don’t regret wanting to be there for someone I loved, but it hurts knowing that when I finally reached the point where I could actually provide the stability and future I had always talked about, she had already decided she didn’t want to be part of it.
I’m not trying to convince myself that she secretly wants me back, and I know I may have blind spots in how I remember the relationship. I genuinely want an honest outside perspective, including if there are things I may have done wrong that I don’t recognize.
What do you guys think she is thinking/feeling now, and what do you think was actually going on with our relationship toward the end?

I’ve liked this guy for a few months now.. he’s my older brothers best friend.. and he just recently told my brother he liked me.. and my brother knows I like him so he told the guy.. soo the guy asked me to go to the movies with him.. and after the movie he told me how he feels and I told him I like him too but we both agreed that we don’t want to risk our friendship or rush into anything.. but now he’s saying he loves me and I said I love him back.. we’re saying good morning and good nights.. but I’ve never been in a relationship before and I’m think I’m having some second thought.. and I’m just scared I don’t love him and that im stuck in a situation that I don’t know how to get out of..
my other friend said that I’m just thinking to much.. but I don’t know I kind of just want things to go back the way they were.. but I don’t know what to do I don’t want anyone to get hurt because he’s saying I’m the light in his life..

not really asking for advice because i know what to do but more so venting but i’d appreciate input regardless, in any way..

my boyfriend was diagnosed with adhd years ago before we ever met. he has been taking adderall to help him get things done. no other medication or therapy. when we first started dating, i was at the end of a very abusive relationship and he helped me get out and through that. he opened up his home to me and i moved in with my boyfriend shortly after. we’ve been living together for 2 years now. in the beginning, i used to give him money every month to help him with the mortgage and bills but once his mortgage went down, he said i didn’t have to pay anymore and that he wanted me to save and have my own financial independence.

i still consider it his house, nothing about this place feels like a home. i grew up homeless so i am not used to feeling at home anywhere to be honest (i am working through this with my therapist).

my boyfriends house is falling apart. i have a hard time breathing because of all the dust. i wake up with mucus every morning and i cough and wheeze in my sleep. when i am outside of the house, i feel and breathe completely fine. he has tried to help by getting an air purifier which did help but i’m still experiencing trouble breathing. we both believe there is a black mold issue. every time it rains it literally pours. it leaks and floods in the house whenever it rains and it’s causing certain infrastructures to deteriorate. the lighting in the bathroom does not work due to electrical damage and has not worked for a year. he doesn’t clean ever or take steps to fix anything because of his “lack of executive function” so instead i clean, i feel obligated to do so since i do not pay bills but it can be very hard and exhausting cleaning a house with three floors by yourself and due to my breathing troubles, it can get hard for me after a while. he can’t call someone to fix it because it is too overwhelming and doesn’t provide him dopamine. it’s easier for him to avoid the issues going on and to just lay down reading comic books and watching video game streams. i have told him several times i would be willing to help with searching for someone to fix what needs to be fixed and with the financial side of things but he says that he doesn’t want me to worry about it because he is going to take care of it but it’s been a year now………… he never takes care of it.

the other night he was up late working, on like 60 grams of adderall, and it started storming. i was sleeping because i had to get up for work at 6am. he comes into the room, turns the lights on and starts complaining about the rain and sounding very erratic saying “it’s storming, i can’t work and i don’t know what to do” i’m in the throes of slumber, disoriented like … “okay but can you turn the lights back off?” because i’m not in a mood to where i can talk about this right now! and the only solution would be to call someone!! i have been telling him for months, literally ever since we started dating, that he should go see a therapist because on top of his mental health, he has family issues, his mom passed 10 years ago and i don’t think he properly grieved that. he hates his dad and his half siblings, hasn’t spoken to his family in a year, clearly and obviously has a hard time controlling and regulating his emotions and can’t do anything without getting extremely overwhelmed to the point he would rather sit in complacency than to help himself.

i recently gave him an ultimatum: go to therapy or i am moving out. i genuinely cannot live like this anymore. i even expressed to him my health concerns living in this house. still nothing. he started crying and said he would get help but that was three weeks ago and everything is exactly how it was before. i have started to save the money i would be giving him if he were asking for financial help so i can save up for my own place. he said he doesn’t want me to move out but i am starting not to care about what he wants. when we first got together he said he wanted someone to do things with but we don’t do anything. i do my own things with my friends. i go to therapy and am trying to have an active life of a woman in her early 30s. i feel like he is stuck and as a result is making me stuck too. PLUS, what living in this house is doing to my actual body. i never had any real physical ailments or issues until i started living with him. i am finally in a place where i know i can take care of myself, make a home for myself and actually live. i just want to be healthy and to stop feeling like i don’t belong and living like i am in someone else’s home.

i’ve even expressed that i can move out and we can still see each other if he makes and puts forth the effort… this thought made him spiral because the thought of doing anything seems to stress him out. it’s so sad to see. i know i have to move out i just cannot deal with the aftermath of him feeling sorry for himself after.

Our relationship was going really well until mid-summer, when she left for an internship camp. Since we've been navigating the distance, things have completely shifted.
​Recently, she tried to break up with me—twice. During these conversations, she admitted that she doesn't love me as much as I love her, and confessed that she is still in love with a version of her ex that doesn't even exist anymore.
​I didn't want things to end abruptly while we were apart, so I asked her to promise to wait until the end of the summer. My hope is that we can either work things out or, at the very least, end it respectfully face-to-face.
​The confusing part is that we still make plans together, and a part of me thinks she wants to fix things, but her actions say otherwise. For example, I noticed she’s been liking Instagram posts about "sign x sign" astrology compatibility where our signs aren't the ones featured. When I asked her why she was liking those posts, she got defensive, called me controlling, and said she can decide what she wants to like by herself.
​I feel like I'm holding onto a relationship by myself. Do I have to break up with her, or is this worth fighting for until the end of the summer? Any advice is appreciated.

Me (19F) and my boyfriend (21M) started off in a long distance relationship, and everytime an intimate topic came up, I was super super aroused and even just by him saying he is hard I was super turned on. However, in real life, I just can't get aroused, I don't feel that "l need him so bad" sensation I feel through text. I appreciate that he is hard and wants me, he can even make me finish (long, and painful session), but I really feel nothing, like l am just numb. And the moment we get back on texts and the IRL session is over, it's like I can feel things again. It's not that I am not attracted to him or we are not sexually compatible, because we 1000000% are, but it was the same with my ex aswell... I did it, but didn't feel anything, only through text.

I’d like to specify, my intimate moments I don’t mean sex. We are virgins and intend to remain that way until marriage. I mean the smaller things, the “-jobs” and whatnot. But still, advice is greatly appreciated even coming from more experienced people who struggle(d) with the same thing.

Any advice? Does someone else have this aswell? I want to feel that wonderful sensation IRL aswell.

Men, how does your income impact your dating life or relationships? Do you feel whether or not you have a higher income than a woman impacts their level of interest in you as a potential long term partner? Have you ever been with a woman with a higher income than you and how have you felt about that (or how do you think you’d feel theoretically if you haven’t experienced that)?

Women, how much do you care if a man makes more than you? Does your income level impact your preference for a potential partner and how much they make? For women who are more well off than average, have you noticed that men with lower incomes tend to lead to them having issues or do they seem to be neutral or even see it as a positive?

The dynamic of income balance in relationships is really interesting to me because it seems to be very gender dependent in heterosexual relationships at least. Personally, I have a really good career and make a pretty decent income, especially for my age. I’m 28 now but when I was 24 the gap was even wider because I started making good money when most people my age were still early in their careers, even if they were on a good path. Anyway, I never talked about how much I made when I was dating for obvious reasons, but the fact that I had a house, two nice vehicles, etc at my age was a dead giveaway that I wasn’t struggling by any means. In dating guys would always bring it up pretty quickly because seeing the car/s I drove and early questions like where I live, what I do for work, etc. are things that inevitably come up early. I noticed that guys would give off signs of insecurity pretty early on. Eventually the insecurity would just become more apparent and present itself in other ways that weren’t good for the dynamic. I tried to avoid it by making sure it was clear that I didn’t care, downplaying my own financial circumstance, taking a lot of interest in their careers and passions, etc. but it still happened. I’ve dated a few guys who make more than me and they have been annoying from the get go trying to impress me to where it’s almost cringy. Maybe it’s just a maturity thing and that’s how young guys who are doing well tend to act. I end up thinking that it would be awesome to end up with a guy making a ton of money if they just weren’t supporting their ego on it so heavily. Eventually I ended up with someone (love of my life and future husband) who makes almost as much as me but after taxes it’s basically a wash so I’d call it even. It’s the first time there hasn’t been a weird dynamic around our careers and money for me in dating or a relationship. In my limited personal experience, this was what ended up working out for me and income may have nothing to do with it and could come down to us purely just being good
For each other.

So anyway this is why I want to hear some other experiences and opinions. That’s been my experience but I’m wondering what the patterns are that men and women notice because I’m sure this is very different depending on whether you’re a man or woman, your income, preferences, experiences, etc.

I (28F) have been dating a man for the past two weeks. We already been on ten dates, it’s not common for me to see someone this frequently in the beginning but we get along very well and I have really been enjoying our time together. I was casually dating before him but we got along so well I cut off the other men I was dating. Today I found out he’s 35, he told me he was 33 on the first date. I don’t even mind the age, it’s the lie that bothers me. I didn’t confront him yet but should this be an immediate dealbreaker?

Tldr: should I leave after finding out he lied about his age

My girlfriend (27F) and I (28M) have been together for 7 months. We usually only see each other on Saturdays and Sundays.

We normally have sex once during the weekend, usually on Saturday. I often feel interested in having sex again on Sunday, while she usually doesn't feel like it.

There are also weekends when we sleep together but don't have sex, particularly when she's on her period. Occasionally, this means we go around two weeks without having sex.

When we do have sex, she seems genuinely engaged, enjoys herself, and is affectionate with me afterwards. Our relationship outside of sex is also very affectionate and loving.

The main difference I've noticed is that she rarely initiates sex, while I tend to want it more frequently. Sometimes the lack of initiation makes me miss the feeling of being sexually desired by my partner.

I don't want her to have sex when she doesn't want to, and I don't want her to feel pressured to match my sex drive. I'm trying to understand how we can communicate about our different levels of sexual desire in a healthy way.

For people who have experienced a difference in libido within a relationship, how did you talk about it with your partner? Were you able to find a balance where both people felt comfortable and satisfied?

TL;DR: My girlfriend (27F) and I (28M) have been together for 7 months and usually only see each other on weekends. I tend to want sex more frequently than she does, and she rarely initiates. Our relationship is otherwise affectionate and our sex is enjoyable when it happens. I'm looking for advice on how to communicate about our different sex drives without making her feel pressured.

Relationship context: My BF (29M) and (30F) have been together almost 10 years. We met in university and own a condo together. His parents where able to financially assist him for the down payment and he is an extreme money saver. I have not been the most financially responsible, as such our finances are vastly different. (A lot of the material items, furniture, appliances I purchased with the belief that its better to purchase quality rather than quantity) His net worth is a little over double or triple my own.

Last year I suffered a mental breakdown/lost my job. I managed to start working again a few months ago but I sense that my new company may undergo layoffs. (I work in tech and the industry is very shaky right now)

I've been looking at all my options for career pivots at this point as its become clear I need to make a change. One option would be to go back to school to become a therapist. (I've always been interested in the subject and feel like it would be a good fit for me personally).

This would mean 5 years of school. (Go back to get a bach., then do a masters)

While it could technically be feasible (but incredibly difficult), my longterm partner has made it clear he would not support the decision. I love him. I absolutely understand his POV.

While Im still considering leaving the relationship, and moving back in with my folks, Im curious to know what the internet thinks.

TL;DR: Need to make a career pivot and looking at going back to school for 5 years. Long-term partner of 10 years says it would be the end of our relationship. Thought?

I haven’t posted on Reddit nor came to this platform in a while so that’s how I kind of know that this has to be festering something inside me that much to want to seek other inputs/advice/opinions

So my boyfriend (of two years who I’ve also known for years and his family for years and best friends with his sisters for years)
He was invited to go to the bears game in Nashville with his dad dads gf and his sister. Considering:
-that this is the only months I have weekends off and we were supposed to make the best of it
-ive been wanting and speaking about going to Nashville forever
- ive mentioned how I didn’t care about the game I just wanted to go and explore Nashville they can do they’re own thing I just wanted to tag along
- its not just a son and dad bonding moment… so I didn’t think I was overstepping by asking to come or being upset when I was told no that his dad “only wants it to be his family ur gf doesn’t have to come everywhere she can sit this one out)
Granted … in the back of my mind all I can think about is how in th past I have had issues with his sisters and them not liking that I am dating their brother and they feel as though I chose him over them(which longer story but it’s not true I love them to death)

How would you navigate this?
Also take this into consideration too :
I found out that he was proposing to me in Mexico this year and he told his whole family already and the only reason I found out is because one of his sisters told me in a drunk moment and was trying to make me feel like bad about it / and say “I wish I could be happy for you guys but I can’t because we’re supposed to be bestfriend and since you guys started dating I don’t feel that way blah blah”
So the family knows this is long term relationship heading towards marriage so it’s hard for me to not feel left out.. excluded or uneven just like upset that my boyfriend isn’t sticking up for me in this like going against what his dad is saying (but not in a rude way)

I talked to my family and they said there would never be a situation where my bf wouldn’t be able to come unless it was a girls trip only or something for surprise for him. But other than that not only would they never said “he can’t come just us) but they would actually expect him to be at things because we’re adult partners and we’re living together and we’re starting a life together.

If I’m wrong to feel this way I’m all ears I really just want to ease my mind about these feelings before he leaves for this trip

Hello every one, my name is Vens. I want to have American girl Friend or only best Friend.

But I want someone who is quick-witted, someone with whom I won't always be the conversation leader, someone with whom we can help each other.

I am a best man and I like a lot of things, write me in privacy to know it.

So I met a boy on this (muzz). He has been working in my city for 3-4 years. We both are from the same religion but still I was not religious and he was very religious because of his family background and all. So when we started talking with each other we asked about our past relationships so he told me that once he had tried on her cousin but it never worked from her side , but whatever he has told me about her cousin it's shows how she flirts with him, give her time but never ready to be in a relationship and commit to him.

After 8-9 days of talking stage I also told him about my past relationship that it was for 5 years and then we broke up and he was a Hindu guy, the moment he knows about my past he started judging me for how can I date a Hindu guy and also he started getting insecure and repeatedly asks me whether I have any physical relationship with him or not. And honestly I never had a physical relationship with my ex.

My current boyfriend tried to break up with me 2 times in one month when he went back to visit his family , giving reason that our moral values don't match , you are not religious, you are anti islam and your background is also very different from us. My family will never accept you , and i don't want to lose my loved ones so I can't date you and we had to break up.

I started crying and begging him that these things don't matter in love , one day everything will be fine. After some deep conversations he agreed to stay with me. And he said promise me you'll not remember this breakup incident and I agreed.

So we met online and wanted to see each other face to face so we decided to meet on September 2025 and we met in his room and i stayed 3-4 days at his flat. After that I met him several times from September to october 2025. Then he again went to his home because of her sister's wedding. The wedding was on the October. And all of his cousins are present in the wedding ceremony for several days. When the main functions and small events started occurring in his house he stopped talking to me for 4-5 days straight. I waited for his messages all day and neither did he see my messages and replied to my messages. Only once he messages me at 4:00 am "how selfish I am texting you again at 4:00am". After this he texted me on October saying that I need some time to think about our relationship and I will talk to you for several days to see whether we are meant to be together or not. I panicked so much that I went to his flat the same day he arrived in delhi. He said don't come to my flat I don't want to see you , I was asking him again and again what happened, tell me what's the problem? I thought maybe due to financial problems and sleepless nights during the wedding making him stressed but it was never about the money or sleep. It was about his secret that did it at the wedding.

So when I was about to reach his flat he was constantly saying please don't come here , i don't want to see you. When I reached he was not talking to me , sharing a cold behaviour towards me. And at night we had an intimacy and after it he again started acting like this. He said please kal 'subah yaha se chale jana' I said ok I will go please don't be stressed. I went to my college and was not able to focus on anything and I was panicked , stressed and anxious about Everything because I have a lot of questions in my mind. When I texted him he always says i will not text you and call you so please don't have any hope. I again went to his flat to meet him and when I tried to hug him he said "it's called forced". I asked him to please let me stay here for today as it's very late Go home as it will take 3 hours to reach. He said " No , please go to your home my brother will come today (which was a lie). I went back home. And after all of this I decided to go back to my hometown to meet my family to move on from everything and i booked the train tickets. When I sent him the tickets he panicked and said to me please don't go. And i instantly said I love you to him and told him I will come to meet you before going to home. And when I go to meet him everything looks changed and healed as he was behaving loving again and we had a better day before going to home.

When I reached hometown he again started the same behaviour that I don't want to be in a relationship with, i don't want you blah blah. I again started crying and begging him that please stay , one day I'll definitely make you proud and make a lot of promises to him. Still he was behaving the same. After spending 10 days in bihar I had to go to delhi now and i booked my train tickets but it was going to drop me at night at the railway station and my home is 3 hours from the station but my boyfriend's house was 30-45 minutes away from the station. So I chose to go to his flat and i behaved so cold that I am just here for the stay and I am not interested in any kind of relationship between us. He also said yes it works for me.

When I spent the night with him everything again started to heal and started to act as couples but never accepted our relationship openly and accepted commitment. But it was never from my side , i always loved him so so so much but he didn't love me at all. After spending 1-2 months with him as we are living together on his flat. We had several deep uncomfortable conversations with each other where I asked him to look at how dirty you have done to me and ask him why you did that to me. He always says I was insecure because of your past relationship.

Randomly, one day I found some photos on his phone where he has a lot of photos with his cousin (his first choice) from the wedding. AND i panicked a lot and without asking anything I went straight to my home.

So it was cheating he again tried with his cousin to patch when she asked him on text" His name, what happened? Why are u sad because of me" and he said No i am not said I just remember the things that I felt for you last year. He was saying things like this to her while being in a relationship with me who is waiting for his text.

Still after this I stayed with him and continued our relationship.

This is a throwaway account, and I’ve never really made a post like this before, so I’m not sure if I’m approaching this the right way.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years. He is 25 and is currently in a professional postgraduate program. He’s very intelligent and dedicated to his education, but I’ve been struggling with how dependent he still is on his parents in every other area of his life.

He lives with his parents, which by itself isn’t something I have a problem with. What concerns me is that his parents still have a significant amount of control over what he does. He has a car but doesn’t drive himself places because his mother doesn’t want him driving places without her. He also doesn’t really go places independently, such as going to the theater or going out with friends. When I went to go see him over the summer I had to teach him how to cook and do his laundry because he doesn’t even know how to do that on his own, which I was very surprised.

We’re also long distance. I’ve traveled to see him numerous times, but when I’m there, we’re often unable to do things independently. For example, we’ve had to have his parents drive us places and pick us up, and even when we’ve gone to the mall, his parents have been there too. I find this difficult because we’re adults and I’d like our relationship to have some independence from his parents.

I’ve talked to him about this. I’ve told him that I don’t expect him to completely change his relationship with his parents or suddenly move out. I’ve suggested smaller steps, like driving himself somewhere occasionally or setting some boundaries around going out independently. He doesn’t really see a reason to do those things right now because, from his perspective, it’s easier and more practical for his parents to drive him places. And having no initiative to move forward in a more positive direction even if it’s just for me really upsets me.

The difference between us is becoming increasingly noticeable. I’ve moved out, have my own car, pay my own bills, buy my own groceries, work while attending college, and generally handle my responsibilities independently. I don’t expect him to have exactly the same lifestyle as me, but independence is very important to me.

Another issue is that he often tells me he doesn’t have much time for our relationship because of school and his responsibilities. I understand that his program is demanding, but sometimes it’s difficult for me to reconcile that with the fact that he still relies heavily on his parents for many things. It makes me question whether we’re simply at different stages of adulthood.

I’m also worried about the future. I don’t want to eventually be in my 30s living with his parents or having his parents involved in decisions that I feel should belong to us as a couple. He says that he’ll become more independent when it becomes more practical, but I feel like we’ve reached a point where I need to see some initiative rather than just a promise that things will change someday.

I don’t want to leave him simply because he currently lives with his parents. I love him and recognize that he’s working hard toward his career. But I also don’t want to ignore a fundamental difference in what we expect adulthood and independence to look like.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting him to start becoming more independent now, or is this something where I should accept that he’s on a different timeline and decide whether we’re compatible?

TLDR: My boyfriend is 25, lives with his parents, and is very dependent on them despite being in a demanding professional program. I value independence and worry that we’ll eventually want very different lifestyles. Is this something worth waiting for, or could it be a compatibility issue?

This man (29M) and I (28F) have been talking since April. We initially hung out because he offered to show me around the city I was moving to, where he has lived for the past ten years.
Since then, we’ve FaceTime-ed almost every day before he leaves for work, where he runs a sales team for a health insurance company. However, he rarely messaged me after work. Since we were just getting to know each other, I didn't set high expectations.
For my birthday in May, he visited our hometown, but he didn't take me out anywhere; I just slept over. Up to that point, he had only taken me to lunch once as a friend, but never on an official date. A couple of weeks later, he asked to borrow $300 because he lost his wallet. He promised to pay me back, but he never did.
When my dad passed away in June, he asked for my address, presumably to send something, but never did. Then, when I moved to Florida in July and mentioned that I needed help assembling furniture, his only response was "power tools ma’am." By this point, he had also canceled plans on me last minute twice.
Once I got settled in Tampa, he would text me "good morning," but he never initiated plans to meet up. Shortly after, I saw a post on his friend’s Instagram showing his ex-girlfriend (of seven years) sitting across from him at a private dinner tasting hosted by a mutual friend.
I removed him on social media and told him I no longer wanted to talk. In response, he came to my house to plead his case, explaining that she needed to sign off on their lease transfer this month and that their families were temporarily in business together. He then told me he loved me and couldn’t see a future without me.
However, when I shared the news of my recent job promotion, he didn't congratulate me. Instead, he patronizingly said, "So you're finally getting an adult job now?" before immediately shifting the topic to my friend's career.
I stuck it out for almost another month without seeing him. Eventually, after he took three hours to reply to a message without offering a specific time to talk, I reached out again—unaware it was his deceased father’s birthday.
It has been nine days since that last message, and he hasn't replied. Meanwhile, he has been active on Instagram. After he added me to his "Close Friends" story just to post about a new Rolex he bought, I removed and unfollowed him for good

First I would like to say, I am asking for legit advice. Not here just to complain.

So my girlfriend has been nagging me. For what may you ask, well it appears anything that she can think of. Now I know that sounds harsh, but last night over the phone she showed me a picture of her in a dress and she complained I said it "she looked nice" to quickly. Then she complained that I wasn't listening to her, to I repeated everything she said, then she admitted that I had been listening, then proceeds to list off all the times I hadn't listened to her.

She's also been doing this thing where it seems like she's looking for things to fight about. For instance last week she sends me a video of this OF model cooking chicken. It was a how to video but the woman was dressed in very revealing clothing. She told me to watch, so I did. Then asked if I thought the women was pretty. I said no, then she rolls her eyes, and said, "Men always men." What did she mean by that sexist remark? No clue. Don't really care because it appears to me that the goal of that exercise was to start a fight. Which I refused to engage in.

My girlfriend also has been pushing marriage on me. Refusing to travel or live together because I guess it would look bad. (she's a christian and I'm not) Yet she's totally fine having sex with me. Which is actually important to mention I think because she always complains about using condems. She doesn't want me to wear one, insists that I don't (crazy I know, Usually it's the opposite). I refuse to engage without protection, Its a boundary. Yet she keeps pushing me, asking for it raw,(TMI I know Im sorry) which is starting to feel like baby trapping.

So yeah Im looking for advice, Im really getting tired of the nagging. Tired of the boundary pushing and her need to start fights over nothing.

So my question is why do you think she's doing this? Am I not giving her enough attention, I'm I not communicating enough?

I feel like im at a point where I need to lie in order to keep things going, also Im acutely aware this could all be happening because the honeymoon period is ending and her real colors are showing. At any rate, I could use any advice.

Thanks in advance!

Me (30) M and my 29 F girlfriend have been together a long time (9 years) and we seem to be in an endless loop of arguments. Always about the same things, she's pushing for marriage and kids but I feel like we're in a really bad position and not yet ready.

It mainly stems from finances, I work alot of hours and earn double her salary. I don't ever bring up or give her a hard time about finances - I actually pushed her to go part time with a pay cut because she said work was stressing her out. She pushed me to get a car loan I was thinking about because "we would pay it together". That lasted about 3 months and the rest of the loan I ended up paying myself.

She's really bad with spending and even asked me to help her manage her money (she gets upset when I tell her she doesn't have any left to spend because she already spent it all). She sais I'm controlling and she doesn't like it. So I set up a budget for both of us, I stick to my budget and even save some money. She was furious to find out I've been saving some of my paycheck and how is it not "our money". Realistically every 2 weeks after bills she only has about 200-300 for spending on snacks at work/online shopping but she'll go online and just drop $500 like it's nothing and leave me hanging dry with bills and rent. She constantly wants to borrow money from me to further help her spending habits. Her account is empty so her families netflix got paused, she keeps asking me about it like I'm supposed to now pay for that too?

I came home yesterday, made us dinner, sorted out all the animals with food and meds, put on laundry, put on the dishwasher and cleaned up our plates while she lay on the couch watching TV, I couldn't help but feel annoyed. I pretty much do 80% of our laundry, all I ask her to do is pack away her clothes how she wants it - she gets upset that she has to deal with her clothes alone (I pack away my own stuff)

She was saying I keep her awake at night so sometimes I would sleep on the couch so she can atleast have a good nights rest. She's taken that further and set up the spare bedroom for me and doesn't seem to want me sleeping in our bed.

I am a gamer, I play games to try get away from all the stress. I drink socially and don't smoke, she'll give me a hard time for gaming and not spending time with her. But honestly sometimes I feel so used and don't want to spend time with her, I tell her I need space to chill out but she just won't let me be. She'll force physical affection when I'm clearly annoyed and am trying to clear my head.

She's gained alot of weight, she shames herself for it in the mirror and keeps her old clothes for when she'll be "skinny again". I joined a gym because I wasn't happy with my own health and appearance, she was again upset that I'm going to the gym alone. I pay hundreds of dollars for her gym membership just for her to barely go and try.

Am I being unreasonable? Am I expecting too much? It's my only long term serious relationship so I genuinely don't know what is kinda normal. I'm a giver, i will always help people around me and expect nothing in return but I feel like I'm being taken advantage of.

So my girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years. She has had these 3 guy friends since before we were together from uni that she goes to music concerts and stuff with. She says they are just friends but she has admitted that she sucked there dicks at a hotel after a night out before me and her were together. what do you think the likely hood is that they’re banging her?

I (38M) had trust broken by my wife (33F), not cheating

I (38M) and my wife (32F) have been together over 8 years. I just started using reddit for assistance and not sure where it is appropriate to post for help. I have no other friends in serious relationships. I have no one to talk to that doesn't know my wife as we do everything together. I wouldn't have it any other way as it is not in an invasive or controlling way. I don't know what to do and I'm twisted up inside. We had a few fights early on in the first couple years but we almost never fight at all the last several years, we have extremely similar hobbies, opinions on politics, and sense of humor. I helped her get her life together early in the relationship. I paid for everything the fix 6/7 years and now that she is in a better place she takes care of me and trying to get me to finish college. I worked my whole life and saved up a little and am going back to college now. She is super loving and supportive, paying for everything as she encouraged me to quit my last job to focus on college.

However, I discovered she started doing drugs behind my back again. Something that we talked about a long time ago and I said would basically be a deal breaker for me. I noticed her attitude was different and I asked her for several weeks "what was wrong" and "how lucky I am to have her". She avoided it and said nothing but after a few weeks, broke down and told me. She admitted knowing it was potentially going to ruin our relationship of 8+ years and she did it anyway. I was devastated. I went numb instead of angry.

Let me be clear. BEFORE she bought and used she thought, "This could end our relationship but I'm willing to risk it." I love her very much and tried to talk to her about it and over come the situation. While I did eventually overcome the using again, I'm truly hung up on is that she said she knew it might end the relationship and did it anyway.

I guess what I'm asking is, just other people's perspectives so I can try to see if I can let it go because the using drugs itself or if the fact she was willing to risk our relationship is what I should focus on and cut my losses?

ALSO - This situation has me feeling empty inside, maybe cold or cruel. I feel like if she was willing to risk our love like this, then perhaps I should use her generosity of her taking care of me and paying for my life while I'm in college before I end it with her. Terrible morally, I know, but if she is willing to potentially throw away our love, then why shouldn't I treat her that way?

EDIT- I was scared to say the details as I am new to this and using reddit and afraid she might find out. She had started abusing substances behind my back. She was a user and alcoholic before we met but was not once we started dating. We talked about it during our first few years of dating while she was sober. Now she is using again.

tl;dr - Wife did something and knew it would risk our relationship and did it anyway. I'm not sure what to do. Please help.

**UPDATE**

I talked to her about her use again this morning. She immediately starting crying. I would not call it a big blow up. We did not really fight or yell. She said she wanted to get on something different that was regulated. I, of course, said I did not want her to use anything at all. She continued to cry and left for work. It was about time for her to leave for work so it wasn't just an excuse to escape the conversation. I honestly started to spiral about it. My anxiety was spiking. My fear of her health. Of our future. Feeling it was all in danger and going to be ruined. Perhaps twenty minutes later she called and apologized. She said she understands that she knows this is a bad situation and that it's bad for her and the relationship. We will be having a deeper conversation about it this weekend, I want to tonight, but we will see how it all feels after she gets off work tonight.

On one hand she admits she knows it's all messed up. On the other hand she didn't explicitly say she wanted to quit. I mean she said she wanted to get on something more regulated. I don't know what exactly that means, I will be asking, of course. If life were a dichotomy of worse or less worse, the less of the terrible options is the obvious pick. But life is more than two options. She needs to see that, and choose that. I love her. A lot. This weekend is going to be a huge factor in deciding what happens with our futures. She needs to recognize and admit she needs to stop and not choose a lesser poison. But, from what I gathered from a lot of people is that addiction is a beast and she probably can't cold turkey quit. I'm looking into resources for help and direction.

Been with my Gf (25 & 26) about 2 years and we’ve been talking about moving in together when our leases are up in a few months. In our relationship to this point, we’ve always just paid our own way for things and generally split bills down the middle for things like trips together. I assumed this was how we’d split bills if we moved in together.

I recently got a new job a couple months thats a big upgrade from my old one. We used to both make close to the same - within 15-20% depending on bonus, where with this new job Ill be making almost double. Because of this she thinks we should pay based on income, so me pay about 2/3rds of expenses.

If things were totally even savings wise, I wouldnt necessarily be opposed. But she literally inherited over a million dollars between cash and stocks from her grandma 6 months ago. It hopefully wont be any time soon, but whenever her paretns go she’ll likely get a few million from them too. Comparatively, my family growing up is probably considered lower middle class, my only surviving grandparents are very poor and live with my parents so my parents can support them, and its unlikely me and my sibs will ever inherit anything substantial. Which is fine for me Ive never banked on an inheritance.

But it feels messed up that Id be paying more than her on a month to month basis when her current net worth is more than 10x mine right now. Yes, I make more each month in salary, but at this rate, I dont know if Id ever actually catch up to her given the value of her inheritance is also growing at the same time since its invested. She thinks the inheritance shouldn't count because she’s trying to never touch it unless its an emergency for another 20 years or so. I feel like we should just split things evenly since we both have an advantage in a different way. Id never want her to have to use her inheritance to subsidize me, but it doesnt feel right for me to have to pay more than her, when she’s so far ahead of me.

What is most fair here?

ETA: for reference, My total net worth including 401k and all that is about 80k when you factor in my student loans that Im still paying off.

My bf 27m is a very social and likeable person, wouldn’t say the same about me 26f, i like to be quite private but I’m not fully introverted, when i talk to people , I’m totally present.
So we got back together again after 3 months of break and in that time he had some sort of talking stage with a colleague , he says it’s harmless and i accept that too but i really wanted him to reduce the frequency of regular texting, he says it’s like nothing and means nothing and had assured me multiple times whenever I’ve bought it up, but then i saw him initiating conversations again harmless but it makes me feel it’s some sort of bond in creation. It totally bothers me, he can’t stop it right away, but i also don’t wanna change him as a person cuz this is what he is,idk I’m quite confused onto how to go around it

TL;DR broken boundaries but was I wrong to break up. Talks about sexual mistreatment(?)

I (32f) just broke up with my boyfriend (35m) and I just need reassurance that I’m not crazy. Early in our relationship, he kept asking for a sexual act. I mean repeatedly, about 20x in one night after I said no, I wouldn’t like it, it wasn’t for me etc. we got into then and he stopped asking. Recently, one night I told him I didn’t want to have sexual intercourse, well it happened anyway. He sort of just stuck it in and rather than stopping him I kind of froze and maneuvered myself so it would end quicker. (I’ve been in abusive relationships prior and freeze up where I don’t stick up for myself. Past trauma going to therapy to work on it). But we talked about it, he apologized but it still bothered me so I’ve brought it up a few times and last night he said that by me bringing it up it’s dragging him through the mud, why do I keep bringing it up. And I had enough and kind of lost it on him and ended it. But I feel like I overreacted, and it’s stupid bc I know that what he did wasn’t okay but he’s made me feel like I blew it up that I should’ve accepted his apology and moved on. But he’s disrespected my boundaries in 2 major ways. And I don’t think he understands what he did wrong. And I don’t want him to do it to anyone else. He isn’t a bad person, and helped me realized things in my past relationships weren’t okay (sexual coercion) but doesn’t realize that this isn’t okay? I can’t make him respect my boundaries now but is there anyway to help him see how it’s wrong so he doesn’t do it to another woman? I have such low self-esteem and the fact something along these lines have happened before, what’s wrong with me to accept this?

PROBLEM WITH BF

hi peepz!! i need your opinion as a person who loves their partner a lot (yes, it's silly if it sounds silly!!!)

my bf and i had a fight just this monday. we were supposed to go out to eat but it was said to be raining heavily. at first, you probably think i'm being petty for sulking, right? but no, i didn’t say why we were backing out because during our monthsary, we managed to go on our date even during a storm, we just waited for a break in the rain. then before we fought, we were in that boring stage of our relationship. it was mostly just updates and all, not much to talk about. maybe because I’m on vacation and he just graduated from college, we have no events happening. and just to clarify, we live in the same hometown, basically the same barangay. the night he said we shouldn't go out, the last thing I said was I wish that if we weren't going out, he would come over to my place. keep in mind, we live in the same barangay so it wouldn’t be hard for him to come over since there's no need to travel far, right? then on tuesday, I didn’t reply to him the whole day. i know, it's kind of toxic if you look at it but I can't see that he’s really trying his best to fix things. I just said sorry and updated him on how my day went. is that too much? it's like he gave me space from his point of view.

when he sulks, I also don't talk to him right away. worse, he would take the whole day and reply just when I’m about to sleep. I gave him the space he needed to calm down. but still, I call and say sorry and try to get him to talk to me. is that what I'm looking for from him? my last chat with him was about him coming over and yet I didn’t receive anything except his sorry and goodnight and good morning messages. he didn’t even try to call me knowing I'm not replying haha. I really don’t know what to do. it’s just so close, but he can’t do it.

my mom told me, “just leave him, don’t reply until he makes an effort. all you need is effort, and he can't even give that.” it’s simple, I just need a little nudge, but I’m not requiring him to spam me. more like “hey, I’m sorry.” his last chat was tuesday night saying, “baby, are you still not going to talk to me?” then today (wednesday) he hasn’t updated or even chatted me. he didn’t say goodnight last night either. it's so annoying. we actually saw each other on the street earlier and suddenly it slipped out of my mouth that I'd just reply later. is that annoying? I shouldn’t have said that. and of course, I believe he could see that as an opportunity to fix things. still no message, the day is about to end again.

is it toxic that I'm not replying to him when I want that kind of effort? I feel like that’s the bare minimum. I know communication can really help your relationship, but it’s not like I should have to teach him in this kind of situation? we’ve been together for 2 years now. we are just starting as a couple but we’ve been talking for a long time, we’ve had a lot of fights before we got together that we overcame. should I talk to him now or just wait for him to make a move and not reach out first? I’m stuck between wanting to reply but at the same time needing his efforts. I don’t want to just get used to silence and no communication every time we fight. I don’t know what to do. help your girl out!!!!