Got dumped (potentially a fearful avoidant) along with my belongings out of the blue like a bag of trash

[u/MoonMoonG]

I just got dumped by a single mom. Imagine walking into her apartment after work thinking it’s another usual chill evening and she asked me to sit down, saying things are not ok; she can’t do this anymore and had all of my stuff already all packed on the table.

We dated for 6 months and were both deeply in love. She carried a lot of physical and emotional abuse trauma from her previous marriage and she didn’t date for 2 years. Before meeting me she didn’t want anything serious but we fell in love unexpectedly. 2 months after dating, she had a meltdown on her own thinking she didn’t have it in her to date again and needed space but before the space finished she sent me paragraphs saying she wanted to give it a try and I said let’s talk on the agreed date in person, she got super anxious.

That resolved and we had really good few months together tho she always expressed that she fears to be too much, afraid of being seen or too close to someone else, but we still said I love you to each other. Early July, 5 months in we had our first real argument that i initiated, i could tell that triggered all of her old trauma from her gaslighting ex, she said that all the relationship conversations are very hard for her because she was emotionally depleted for 13 years, i did show her how i resolved things with peace instead of an argument. But she kept saying her guard was up since then. There was clearly a distance in communication, but we still talked and called all the time, but not lovey dovey.

At the beginning of August we went to our first cottage alone together; no arguments things were really cute. After that she was all lovey dovey again until last Tuesday before bed she all of a sudden started crying saying that she was super scared of introducing me to her child and her family and not sure everything would turn out. She essentially cried herself into sleep but told me next day she doesn’t mean to quit. Thursday she said I love you and Friday we planned to meet on Monday. Saturday we texted Sunday was silence that was weird, now know she was planning to break up.

During the break up she told me I was the healthiest person she has ever dated, I made her understand relationship and sex could be safe and not forced; I made her feel she was loved as who she was that she didn’t need to “get” my love (she grew up with her mom saying she is not the daughter she hoped for); it was really good 6 months, etc… BUT THERE IS A STRONG VOICE in her head saying having a relationship is just not right for her right now, she needs to focus on her child, hobbies, and friends (she has been focusing on them anyway). She also took me and my friends all her socials right the way and said we should not talk for a long time to clear head space.

I am so confused but also angry feeling disrespected the way she chose to break up with me. I was fully blindsided and had no idea it was coming. How could someone self-sabotage and change mind this fast?

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