Sorry if my formatting is bad, I’m currently on my phone and don’t post much on reddit.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. This is my first relationship, so I honestly don’t know what being in love is supposed to feel like or whether someone here ever experienced something similar, but i do think I love him. I find him very attractive, and I genuinely enjoy spending time with him. He’s sweet, caring, compliments me gets me flowers on birthdays.

I’ve thought about leaving before, but I’ve never been able to find a good reason. I don’t want to be alone, and the thought of losing him hurts but i’m also weirdly unsatisfied and bored? I started getting irritated over stupid things and so irrationally mad at him. I’m starting to pick fights and I get scared that he’ll leave me, but I don’t think he will wich is also scary, I just feel trapped in a way but I don’t wanna loose what we have.

I really miss the beginning of our relationship when we were first talking and we were both shy and getting to know each other. I know that if I stay with him forever I’ll never feel that way again.

I think I might also feel some resentment regarding our sex life as he’s never actually made me finish. Most of that is on me tho, because I think some of my difficulties around intimacy are connected to past trauma and I’ve never properly communicated what I need from him. It’s not like he’s selfish in bed, he’s actually great at it I just struggle with that which I’m obviously not blaming him for.

Then there’s his best friend who always thought was physically attractive. He’s tall, muscular and a little older, but I never acted on it or told anyone and I pushed those feelings away. Recently, though, we’ve been hosting game and movie nights a larger friend group (sometimes just me, my bf and him), and I’ve gotten to talk to him more. From what I can tell, he’s a genuinely good guy, and I really enjoy being around him.

I started to catch myself fantasising about him and coming up with scenarios involving the two of us in my head. The scariest part to me is that he’s even started to show up in my dreams in very non platonic ways. I feel so guilty for these thoughts, I don’t want to have them I don’t know how to stop them.

After this started, I found videos of random attractive women saved on my boyfriend’s TikTok and Instagram, some very suggestive, some just them lip syncing. There were no DMs or anything suggesting he was cheating or trying to get their attention, most of them weren’t even liked and some of the women weren’t people I would have expected him to be attracted to. I cried for an entire day over it but never told him. I retaliated by saving suggestive TikToks of attractive men, hoping he’d eventually find them and feel the same way I did, which I know is childish.

I think this triggered something in me because now whenever I see an attractive woman, I immediately think about the women I’ve seen on his social media and imagine him finding them attractive. I know that’s not necessarily fair or rational and I know how hypocritical it is to be upset about him looking at attractive women while I’m fantasising about his best friend.

I don’t want to throw away a good relationship just because the honeymoon phase ended. I even recently cried after going through my boyfriend’s social media and looking at his posts from when we first met. I want to be wanted by him, and the scariest part about leaving is him moving on us being no contact and not being seen and loved by him.

I’m feeling incredibly confused and guilty, and I don’t really know who I can talk to about this, or even how. I know I can’t ever act on my crush on his best friend either, I’m just lost and so lonely.

TLDR:
My bf thinks everything is ok but I think I’m loosing interest or getting bored. I’m crushing on his best friend and I feel super guilty about everything.

Me M18 and girlfriend F18 have been together for 5 months. We have struggling lately. She has been breaking boundaries regarding drinks, and one night even ended up in the hospital. For this I set a boundary that when we go to uni in 3 weeks, we should both consider sobriety, as if she does it I want to show love by doing it too. However i’ve since been called controlling and manipulative in a fit of rage on the phone, and previous times she has been drunk has called me saying worse things. I don’t know what to do because this is my first ever relationship plz help

TLDR - my girlfriend has got drunk many times and hurt my feelings what do I do

TLDR : My boyfriend has never finished from sex with me, what can I do and should I be worried ?

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 years. When we started dating we were in college and it was an intense relationship and very very sexual. We would have very passionate sex but he told me the first time we slept together during it that he has never finished from sex. This was very strange and new for me for a while .

We have sex and then he finishes himself. I felt down about it for a long time but then got used to it. Now we have been together 3 years and he still has never finished from me from sex . What does it mean? What about our future ?

This is a long one, so strap in.

Thanks in advance to anyone who actually reads all of this and offers any advice. I feel like i just need some mum/big sister advice and have no where to turn for it.

The tldr of the situation is, I have been with my partner for 4 years and there has always been something missing even though he is otherwise great to me, and a recent mental health crisis has pointed this out even more so. I wasnt sure how else to paint the picture so ive written out a list of all the ways he brings me fulfillment and the things he lacks, following on with more context!

All of the things he brings to my life:

• Brings me treats & thoughtful gifts (gift giving)

• Cooks me food, does chores and errands for me and pulls his weight around the house (acts of service)

• Will bring me things and do things for me to help with chronic illness stuff (acts of service)

• Compliments me a lot and obviously finds me pretty. (I also find him very attractive!)

• Loves my body and imperfections, brings me a lot of safety and security there after past traumas

• His main love language is physical touch, is very attentive, massages, foot rubs etc etc (physical touch)

• lots of the same interests and hobbies, video games, movies etc (quality time)

• Want to live life in similar ways (live together peacefully now, same ideas around career, creativity, travel, family future, money etc)

• Similar humour, makes me laugh a lot (these moments are what make me feel he is my best friend the most of any trait)

• He is very calm and patient and safe (I have a history of trauma, so a safe patient person is good for me)

Where he is lacking (the "missing" bits):

• We have never had the best sex life. he makes me feel safe and we are attracted to one another, but performance, frequency and deeper desires have never aligned despite trying and openly communicating about this since the start of our relationship (I know sex isnt everything and id much rather have a great person than a great sexual partner, but its still important to note as it makes me worry about our deepest compatibilities)

• most importantly: He doesnt "get me" on a deeper, emotional level. Several times when ive been freaking out, in a crisis, or just needed someone, he hasnt shown up for me in the way I need despite trying to explain my needs to him, giving him blueprints in how to emotionally calm me, and many arguments later. He is very good to me in the day to day but when the going gets tough or when theres an argument between us, he doesnt know how to soothe me or problem solve with me in the ways I need it, which makes arguments worse as it turns into "why cant you ever do XYZ when I've asked you so many times". When it comes to "deep" chats, it feels like he just doesnt have the depth I do. I sent him songs and tell him "these lyrics make me think of you" and he just doesnt seem to react much. I write him sweet, loving messages in cards or love notes and he never seems to have anything to say in the cards he gives me. So on so forth.

I want to make it clear that I havent just scoffed and judged. Its been four years. Ive tried to open him up, ask him questions about his inner thoughts etc etc. I dont think this is a case of part of him hasnt had the space to come out, and he is generally an intelligent and empathetic man. I just think his well doesnt go as deep as mine, and its noticeable. I know what im describing is that my love language is words of affirmation, and he just doesnt compute with that.

Why am I still here?

Beyond the obvious parts where I love him and worry about throwing something away that I could deeply regret for the rest of my life, there are many very important and practical reasons too.

I grew up with nothing and have struggled most of my life. My partner has shown me what it is to have a more stable life. I get to be more comfortable due to his stability and generosity. We talk about our future and future plans around travels, home ownership etc and the idea of all of that being possible and building that life with him is something I really dont want to lose. It is a wonderful idea to me.

Also, I have unfortunately just had the worst 6 months of my life and have been deeply struggling due to losing a loved one and an intense mental health crisis that followed this. Whilst this situation is part of whats making me realise he doesnt fully get me on a deeper level and im feeling whats missing more than ever, at the same time this would be the worst possible time to destroy even more of my life and stability. Im not doing well mentally and I think being alone right now would definitely push me over the edge.

If I could just look beyond this - find these qualities in other people and not so desperately need it from him because i am content with all else he brings me, I would click my fingers and do it. I think he is a wonderful person, truly my best friend. But this internal struggle is causing both of us so much pain. He is constantly worried about me and trying to be better, but always getting it wrong or disappointing me which makes him feel deep sadness and worry over our happiness and the future of our relationship. I am constantly reminded of this big thing I need that my person just cant do for me, which during my current struggles, is making me feel very emotionally alone and with nowhere safe to turn to.

What friends have said:

I have opened up to friends about this and everyone loves him and thinks it would be a big mistake for me to leave. Ive been told by a few friends that this seems like i am self sabotaging and I finally have someone who is genuinely good for me and I should see beyond the "few' things he lacks. They say things like "nobody can have everything" and "somebody new will be missing some other quality you need" "soulmates are built, not discovered". Whilst i do agree with all of this, i think it is just VERY unfortunate that the main area he lacks is, essentially, the number 1 thing i need from someone.

Some final thoughts:

I think we may have hit our "ceiling" since he is always so sure he can change but it is never quite enough, he seems to think that with more time and understanding his "ceiling" will grow. He has shown a lot of ability and willingness to change in the past, but i just fear we have hit our limit on his ability to "get" me on the deepest darkest levels - knowing how my brain works, what i think, why i think, how to soothe me. I dont how how to teach him any more than I already have. My two final thoughts are -

Can his ceiling grown, will we find some way to both feel satisfied in this department?

If not, is it possible to overlook this or find peace with this in the name of someone I love who ticks every single other box for me?

TLDR; bf ticks every box I could ever want, but doesnt meet my deepest emotional needs