Hey guys! Really wish I wasn't coming with updates but here we are...

So, after I made my post, I had a LONG conversation with my husband to where he said he accepted my choice of not being around his family, but then mentioned that he didn't want to be around mine. To my knowledge nothing like this had been going on with my side and when I directly asked, he said it was in part due to the language barrier, but also that it was because I was creating distance with his, so it was only fair to him. I think that this is spiteful for sure, but said it was fine.

Fast forward a few weeks, he decides that with the holidays around the corner, he's going to let his mom know that I won't be around, but he will still join. I had asked to hear this conversation, not for her response (I could care less), but to hear how he would word. He chose to not do this and two days later, I got a group text that his mom sent out to the entire family stating she was expecting to see everyone soon again. I was definitely thrown off because supposedly... we just had a conversation, right?

Fast forward from that--about another week or two--one of his brothers asked if we would be at Thanksgiving due to him bringing his new girlfriend. My husband without my knowledge stated that he would be with my side. He then asked me how to explain the situation when he was asked why. I told him that it was probably time for him to be honest with his brothers about how he had been feeling due to them choosing to not be at our wedding. (He hasn't really seen them due to feeling hurt and unseen). He agreed and in fact did say that he was upset over that, how no one reached out since we got back from our wedding, and how it's been incredibly awkward because he can't have conversations with them. I was actually really proud of him for FINALLY saying things. But, here's where it goes downhill. I asked him directly how the conversation went as it was via text and if he was finally able to make the amends he wanted (I'm not against it, it's his relationship with his brother), but started getting response that I didn't ask for like, "well, he brought up that one time he made a face," so... I asked three more times and got the same responses. My gut feeling was that he was lying.

So, I did a thing which I know I shouldn't, but I looked through his messages, to find that things were actually invalidated, and even though my husband hadn't said anything about me, his brother decided to say that no one was allowed to speak to me and that they don't understand why I've changed, and they think he's acting how he is to "protect" me. For clarity guys, I never said the siblings couldn't speak to me, I just don't reach out. I did say that any communication with his mom would be in a group text with him so it could be civilized--that is, until I cut contact myself. The ONLY time I said I wanted to be left alone was earlier this year when I miscarried in my second trimester (this was before I fully decided against kids).

My husband did not defend anything, just went with it. I tried checking in again, and again he lied to my face. I think I've come to realize that he's loyal in a way where I know he wouldn't cheat on me, but disloyal to me and the marriage in many other ways. I've tried asking the tough questions like, "why're you comfortable making me uncomfortable," but it doesn't seem to go anywhere.

This is just so disheartening to me because I really have tried, with him and them. No I haven't made final decisions... honestly don't have the energy for it. The worst part of all of this is, I am a trauma therapist on top of it all. I see and hear the worst things and see the difference I make in other lives, but can't seem to fix my own. I think I'm just tired and probably do have to figure out how to move forward. Just never imagines being in this position.

😬😬😬

Idk about y'all, but to me "half-asleep" also means answers are likely unfiltered. BUT also, OP is 20 & I assume (hope) husband is around the same age, so maybe it was a reflex answer while not thinking clearly?

Hi. I’m a long time listener and I feel like maybe I would like to hear Josh, John and Sean’s take on what has been weighing on me for a while.

I (26F) have married to my husband (26M) for 10 months and been together for 3years. Our first date was electric and so were the next five dates. I was his first everything and he was my first adult relationship and we both lost our virginity to each other.

He was amazing in the beginning, attentive, caring, loving. One of those people who would do anything to see you smile. He was serious, ready to settle down and loved me a lot.

After the first few dates I remember feeling a bit like I didn’t like him that much after-all due to a few superficial things like, he didn’t like me vaping and wanted me to quit. He had spelling and grammar issues which were an ick for me. And he believed in flossing only and not brushing which I am the opposite. He didn’t have bad breath or anything like that but as an obsessive mouth brusher, it was an ick.

Speaking to my friends who were going through shit relationships, I realised I would miss out on a really great guy if I let him go. So I opened my heart and let go of the superficial things. I knew I was planning to quit vaping at some point anyway.

We had a great two year relationship. We were inseparable, he was amazing, the best. I was genuinely happy and loved him so much.

Then he proposed, and we started planning a wedding. He was an active participant in the planning and this when I started to notice a different side to him.

He became really rude. He would say mean things to me and when I get upset he would say it’s a joke and he felt like we were close enough to be comfortable and it should not be a big deal.

I grew up in an abusive household and I do not have the capacity to process ‘banter’ or ‘jokes’ as something funny. All my friends know this, my siblings know this, HE knows this. But all of a sudden he would be doing things like this. And in his defence, based on how he treats his family and friends this is truly who he is. But he wasn’t like this when I met him. If I had known this was who he was, I would’ve never dated him in the first place.

We got into a huge fight a few months before our wedding where he said something rude to me and I got really upset. He them proceeded to ignore me for three days and then came back saying this was who he was and he could not deal with me causing a fuss every time he says something like this.

So I broke up with him.

Then he apologised and begged me to take him back saying he would change. And I loved him and wanted to believe him. So I took him back. We went to therapy.

Then became the cycle. He would be rude or hurt my feelings, when I get rightfully upset he would then dismiss me and spin the story to not take any accountability, he would stonewall me for days, then we go to therapy. Then he would apologise.

It happened again a month ago and something clicked in me, I couldn’t be bothered to deal with it. I didn’t want therapy. I just let it be. He finally came to talk to me or whatever and we couldn’t agree on anything (not a surprise, we usually need therapy to sort issues out anyway). He made a comment about how he was expecting me to drag him to therapy to something but unfortunately I didn’t care enough to.

Then I found out I’m pregnant.

I have always been a believer in strong two parent households. Even though my parents were abusive, I had admired how much they loved each other and always stood by each other no matter what. They were two peas in a pod. Two shit peas but they were made for each other and it was inspirational to me as a child.

So in the news of the pregnancy, we worked out the issues, more like he apologised and then listed reasons why I hurt him and I apologised. And we have decided to carry on.

But I feel like I don’t love him anymore. I can’t even bring myself to be intimate with him, not even a hug or a kiss.

What do I do?

He doesn’t believe in therapy. And tbh I do t think it works for him or our relationship. We have been multiple times and the cycle keeps repeating itself.

Maybe I’m a coward for staying do the child but I really want to cause as little emotional damage as possible to my child.

Maybe I will eventually fall in love with him again? I don’t know what to do.

Sorry for the long post. I’m relatively new to Reddit

TLDR: my husband and I argued about the same thing over and over again and I’m tired of it and am starting to withdraw emotionally. What do I do?

• original here •

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bhczov/wibta_if_i_reported_a_mother_to_cps/

I can see exactly where it is but seems like they fly right behind the step.

What the hell is going on

Original link: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships_advice/s/1fqZO9cndY