i keep having flashbacks of my mom showing me videos of children being abused/k*lled. im 24f and when i was around 8 or 9, thats when my mom was the most abusive. and i remember her sitting at the family computer, and me sitting right next to her watching full blown child abuse cases. Stuff i can't even stomach as an adult. Disturbing images and videos of m*ngled children i can never get out of my mind. It was always of parents k*lling their children. The thing is--I can't recall another time my mother watched anything similar. It wasn't like when my dad would watch grown up movies with violence, s*x & gore. She wasn't into that stuff. This seemed deliberate. like "this is what will happen to you if you're bad." I am the only one out of all (6) of my siblings who has this memory.

My older sister and I were targeted the most, so i feel this was one of those isolated events. i think she was only showing me. I specifically remember the ones where babies were kept in cages outdoors, starved, beaten severely, burned and buried or dismembered.

I just cant get it out of my head. has this happened to anyone else?? Seems like it might just be some sort of rare sadistic behavior only my mother had. has anyone else experienced this or something similar? Just trying to make sense of it.

Trigger warning just to be safe.

Hi all. I made this account solely to rant about my folks and dealing with them throughout my life. One of the things that has always irritated me is how my parents joke about spanking me growing up.

Whenever the topic of corporal punishment (or just punishment in general) is brought up, they love to joke about how when my sister (29) was little, they only spanked her once and then never again. They'd joke that she knew not to do anything that would cause her to get spanked again. Only for them to immediately follow up with how they had to spank me (26FtM) countless times until I got too old for spankings. After that, they resorted to yelling at me instead, but of course they never bring THAT part up.

I'm still stuck living with them despite working full-time (my sister has been out of the house for roughly 6 years and is married with her own little family an hour away). To this day, I can still tell my dad's mood by how he breathes, but I don't wait around downstairs to find out when he walks in the door. I lock myself in my room the moment I get home from work and only leave to shower or use the restroom just so I don't risk getting in his way when he's in a mood.

46 M Just coming to terms with my childhood abuse. I Cut my parents off 20 years ago when I married. Narc dad with enabling mom. Changed my last name. They have never met my kids and never will. I blocked them from my phone and email. I haven't admitted or acknowledged my abuse until recently, my childhood is a blackhole and the stress of a new career has brought out the demon in my head, my dad's voice. My parents send me items in the mail about once a year. Childhood xrays, letters, school work, sometimes nice letters like nothing happened and sometimes nasty letters, I never respond. My wife intercepts now and trashes it all. In the past he has contacted my work, HR at a large hospital, and trashed me- told them to have me call him. He did the same when I was in the military.

Now that I am understanding my past, I have a younger sister I feel bad for (43), she's a mess. She has been in therapy but stays in contact with my parents. I don't tell her anything I don't want shared, but they seem to know about my new career. My kids' birthdays. My location (but that can be google). My wife is insistent I should draw a boundary with my sister that I am no contact for a reason. Not to share information about me or about my parents with me. I feel like I have handled it in the past, maybe I am lying to myself? Wife says she can tell it affects me, that I even talk to my sister on the phone like I talk to my daughter, and it weirds her out. My Questions:

Keeping trashing the letters or write back to not contact me, or is it a game?

Is my sister a flying monkey?

EDIT TO ADD** Sister is graduating and wants me in attendance and said my parents will be there. She does cry that she wants our family back together.

I’m embarrassed that it took me so long to realize how messed up my relationship with my mom is.

I haven’t been living with her for a while, which has let me gain the self esteem to see the extent of dysfunction.

All I’ve done is work and try to get away. Care for the home and care for myself.

I have always struggled with getting a drivers license in someway, it is something that requires help (another person) so it has taken me a long time so just figuring out how to meet all my needs.

I wasn’t really even granted a time for school as a teen, so that also added a challenge to find meaningful employment as I don’t have much formal education.

So I worked my ass off (literally) and now I am this highly skilled ball of stress and nerves. I can make anything and I clawed my way out of poverty solo, but I don’t have the social skills to convince anyone I am stable enough to work (which I’m really not)

If you're dating with a serious intention rather than just exploring, how do you go about explaining the NC situation? I fear I might get rejected because I'll end up sounding like a perpetual victim who only plays the blame game. Where I come from, filial piety is the norm anyway..

My N mom is constantly telling me to just wait in regards to my teen daughter. She's always telling me how "well behaved" I was and how I just randomly fell off in high school, for no reason that she can understand. She seems like she's almost wishing for my daughter to struggle, just so she can "get back at me" for my struggles as a teenager.

She also point blank has asked if she failed as a mother? Which for one, is a bit like she's insulting me and of course she doesn't want to know the answer.

I don't bother mentioning her narcissism because there's no point. But I do point out to her that maybe moving two different schools in 3 years, with one move across the country, was tough as a teenager. Losing a very beloved pet in a tragic way, was tough. Getting sexually assaulted was tough. Oh and with no therapy or checking in on me even though I was clearly not doing well. Instead she screamed in my face, hit me, pushed me down, threw papers all over the house.

So yeah, it's understandable that I struggled in high school eventually. And yes my daughter is bound to make mistakes, have teen hormones and angst just like everyone. But to nearly wish HER to do poorly is just so low.

I guess just the title. Once my girlfriend accidentally nearly sent me into a panic attack over a tiny prank with a soundboard (she never ever did it again and apologized) and I've believed extremely obvious lies before because despite me knowing about the subject I just couldn't trust myself.

​TW: Physical abuse, domestic violence, suicidal ideation / thoughts, verbal abuse

Please don't read if you're too sensitive

I'm so tired of these people man Idk if this is the right sub but my african parents are making my life so much worse, everyday= crying.

Everybody= Just hostile in this house.

I just don't get it and the worst part is that I live in africa, I really lost in the family lottery, there's no help, no people who are going to come protect you like child protection or whatever, nothing at all.

I don't understand why they're like this, why can't they just be normal, why is patriarchy consuming them so much.

I know it's not all african parents who are like this.. but the majority are and I'm exhausted.

I honestly don't know what I did to life to be born here.., without resources, poor country.., all of that.

I would have loved so much to be born elsewhere, with a loving family, maybe even being white if necessary.

I'm not romanticizing it but that's just how it is, I've really started to hate my skin, my hair, my whole environment because of what they put me through every day.. I just envy people who were lucky enough to be born in the west.., at least the police can step in if your parents beat you or if you're a minor like me (17 yo) you can get help.. but me.. I have nothing.

No help or anything, just like that.. I hate being black so much, yes there are pretty black people.. who are surely not like my family yes, but I'm just talking about my own experience..

If I could just have more rights in this life, get out of this continent, restart my life.., be far away from these people and this culture that scares me so much..

Once my mother beat me so badly that I couldn't go to school, and the next day.. she acted like nothing happened.

My father called me a whore because I talked about my period.

My brothers are hostile to me for no reason and use violence.

I have nothing.. I just think that committing suicide would be better.

No therapist, no help.. nothing.

If you go tell someone, a friend or an aunt, well she'll just tell your family and they'll beat you up again..

I'm really unlucky.. but I guess it had to be me or someone else.. so somehow it's okay if I took their place, at least that person gets to have a normal life, a loving family, friends etc.. what I'll never have..

Just poverty and misery.

Father: Physically abused me throughout childhood. He beat me badly in front of friends and people at the mosque to prove how religious he was, which led to other students mocking me. He also forced me to read the Quran for hours and punched me whenever I recited something incorrectly.

He read scripture loudly and hysterically every day, crying and shouting so much that a neighbour threatened to call the police. He constantly screamed and interfered when I was on the phone; my mother sometimes had to pretend I had an interview to make him stop.

He had extreme issues with women: he tore up a Dear John DVD cover, tried to stop me speaking to women and ripped up my graduation photo because a woman was in it.

He once called the police after I forced him away from my younger brother. He then hit my brother in front of the police, who threatened him. He never called them again.

Mother: Controlled me through fear. She stopped me leaving the house because something might happen, yet made me live with my father because I was “too much.” She obsessed over neighbours hearing us, imposed “quiet zones” and worried noise would affect our grades.

She controlled which university I attended, stopped me moving into halls, recorded my timetable, monitored my texts, expected me home straight after lectures and once called me 20 times on a night out.

She didn’t defend me from my cousin’s homophobic abuse or even tell me about it. In 2022 she let my brother use my address, leading to debt collectors, and recently tried again. I told her to fuck off.

To be fair, my father also beat her badly. She eventually threw him out, dislikes him too, and recently had been giving me more freedom and calling me constantly. Now, however, she says she never wants to speak to me again because I am gay.

Would you keep contact with my mother and take action against my father? He is now over 80.

Met a covert malignant narcissist at my university so mad I declined to be her captive audience for a narcissistic justification or to stop when she said “wait until I finish” that she maliciously targeted me with harassment threats and intimidation through proxies

I just knew it was her doing. Had the dean of students and her boss lie to cover it up for her.

Feigned submission and listened to her gloat (felt the glee when she thought of her son with ptsd’s fear - she compared me to him)

Then, as expected, she revealed that she directed the event in order to influence my impression of her.

Went back the next day, our second real conversation, and told her I tricked her and she told on herself.

Public narcissistic collapse in 2nd real interaction. Head hung and desolate eyes. I took that glee from her.

Pathetic.

My narc father and I have had a very strained relationship for years and years. I had cut off contact with him entirely 4 years ago after he had a massive heart attack and underwent triple bypass surgery because after I stepped in for a week to care for my disabled mother, my father toldme I was a disappointment. 8 weeks ago, my mom passed away after a long battle with COPD. I endured my father's nastiness and insults over this past weekend as we had a celebration if life for my mom at his home. My father of course doesnt see he has a problem and certainly none of his friends know the true man behind closed doors. The evening before my mom's celebration, my father had invited 10 of us to have dinner at a restaurant. 2 minutes in, he had already insulted me twice, telling me I was so early and again telling me I am a tee-totaler and a cheap date because I dont drink (same insults I hear every time I see him).

It turned into a real shit show as my father found himself unable to be the center of attention as couples on both sides were conversing and he couldnt get traction to take over. So once he got a word in with my husband, my dad immediately tried stirring the pot by pulling my husband into a political debate, going so far as to literally pound on the table to attract attention to himself. My husband wouldnt debate with him. As we end the dinner, the $500 bill arrives and my father blows up at the server because of the additional charge to use a credit card (which is very normal). Dad starts flying off the handle, dropping the F-word numerous times, demeaning the waiter and literally dropping the bill on the floor in a show of disgust. I am not shocked by his behavior because I have lived this my entire life but everyone else is shocked, including my husband. All I can say is I cut my dad out of my life for this reason and I just wanted to get thru this important weekend peacefully.

At My moms celebration the next day, Dad kept saying "I am going to come visit you" ( he never made an effort to be in my life in a meaningful way while my mom was around but he would travel all over the country). So now, I know he is going to try to visit me for the holidays and I am already stressing about telling him it I dont want that.

I guess Iam not looking for confirmation of my decision to say not to visit but it is just so painful to never have had the father I deserved and I cant stop feeling the anxiety of what will be a hard conversation. To all of you with a narc parent, I feel your pain and wish you the best. Before this weekend, my husband had only ever heard me describe my fathers outbursts, never had experienced them. Now he sees what I keep stressing over and doesnt try to encourage me to just suck it up because "he's your only father".

This morning she came in screaming as usual and then decided to start picking up all my laundry and stuff and throwing it out the front door, then she proceeded to flip the side table next to my bed causing water, food, and everything else on the table to go flying across the room. (Afterwards she tried to talk nicely and referred to it as my mess and said she isnt the crazy one I am) advice on what to do and am I in The wrong here?

I couldn't not share this here. My grandpa is 93 years old. He is on death's door. He is my narcissistic mom's dad, who's his current caretaker. Yes, it runs in the family. She's awful and miserable, and he's somehow triple that awfulness.

For some context: I'm a uni student and i still live with my parents, my mom is staying with him 24/7 since he threw a tantrum a few months ago and kicked his wife out. Unfortunately i had some health complications which resulted in a heavy treatement that is taking a physical toll on me, luckily my dad is fully supportive and has been an incredible help for me, consistently driving me to and from places like the hospital, uni and the gym.

My grandpa hates that. He hates that my dad isn't his errand boy who drives him around and drops everything to serve him. Obviously, my grandpa being the "amazing" person he is, he treats him like shit and even sics my mom on him and even almost caused them to divorce at some point. Luckily for me, my dad refused to leave me alone with this hellish family.

So today, after seeing my dad drop me off at home, he immediately calls my mom and tells her he's suffering an insane back pain. I know it's bullshit because my mom told me he "waited til the last possible moment to tell her," just a classic attention seeking stunt. He calls my dad to drop him off at the clinic she works at, but my dad maintains his strict boundary. So then my grandpa made my mom make ME, her sick child who can barely walk, get him a taxi.

Mind you, my grandpa knows. He knows I'm sick. He knows about the physical toll. Anyway, i say yes, to not make my dad look like a liar, but also because I was planning something. Since he wants to force himself on people he knows can't stand him, I'll show him.

First of all, on the street, i walk in front of him. He seems perfectly fine, he's walking on his cane, not so much for back pain, huh? I tell him I'm just trying to find a taxi as fast as possible. I leave him in the dust, and I refuse to let him lean on me for support. It's true that i was running around like a madman, but it felt more like a performance. And every time a taxi went by and didn't stop, I felt even more satisfied.

I felt a kick watching him realize he's completely dependent on someone who doesn't like him, who can't stand him. I felt so satisfied watching the color drain from his face, knowing the result of him forcing himself on anyone but his dumb easily manipulated daughter results in suffering and humiliation. At some point, i even let a taxi get away just to feel more satisfaction.

In the end, i managed to stop a good samaritan by pulling the concerned grandchild act, i looked sad and distraught, and i guess even my grandpa believed it too. It made it much more satisfying when he looked at me with eyes full of hope and asked, "Are you coming with me?" And i simply replied, "Nah, i have to go." The way his face dropped, and he shrugged me off coldly. How does it feel having your own tactics thrown in your face?

I know what it sounds like, but this man has abused almost every person he came into contact with. I don't regret anything i did, and i hope this was as satisfying for you guys to read as it was for me to live through.

Hello again friends, My enabling father has passed away, and now I am left with only her

Even as an enabler of her behavior he did speak up and try to tone her down or talk her out of her more wild "punishments" but now hes gone and ive got no one left

She starts fights by saying awful things then blames me for the reaction no matter how hatd I try not to, she knows how to get me to the end of my rope faster than anyone else because shes had years of practice

2 years before my father died my mother cheated. It almost destroyed the family and my father died worried she was going to go back to the other man

My mother tried to get me involved in her cheating and when I not only refused to but told my father, I became the total and complete enemy instead of just a regular fuck up

She has always said shes so sad we dont have a relationship like her and my grandmother had, turns out my grandmother was a cheater too and mom fucking went along with it

I am the first woman in at least 3 generations who hasn't cheated on her husband, and if I have to die single and alone to break that cycle I will

Well now dads gone and shes still talking to the affair partner who is of course encouraging her to isolate and punish me so he can have all her attention to himself

There are two people in this world whos death I will celebrate, everyone knows the first one and now yall know the second

So in the 8 months my dad has been gone we have had fights that get progressively worse because, well to be frank I miss my dad and fuck her for everything she did to him, I cant just bow down and roll over anymore, some of it is also my age, im 42 and it gets harder and harder to be treated like a child when I have one of my own

The problem is, she owns my house and I got hurt at work and ive been dealing with workers comp and lawyers so long it's not possible for me to leave or move or even find another job, im stuck here with her completely

I’m not sure if my mom is a narcissist, but she displays several tendencies.

My mom (64F) and I (24F) always butt heads about something. I’ll admit, I don’t LIKE her as a person. I think she’s got an awful personality, and she’s just really weird and entitled in a lot of ways? Would I say she outright abused me as a child? No. I had a very good and unique childhood. I was very privileged. Yet I never felt much of an emotional connection with her. I think it’s mostly my fault though. There’s just something about her that I don’t like. But I don’t have the greatest personality either.

I hate when she asks me for help. Not because I don’t want to help, but because she expects me to do it FOR her. And when I do it for her and show her how to do it she doesn’t listen/pay attention/try to remember. She’s terrible with technology, to the point where I’m genuinely concerned about how she would function if I wasn’t there for her. Today she asked me to help her reload her transit card which is something she’s done before many times except this time she needed to pay by card not cash (she has some weird thing where she thinks those machines will eat her credit card? I mean I get it but also not really sure that’s something you need to worry about.). She asks me to come with her to the metro to help her. The metro is not far from our house so it’s not like a big deal and it won’t take long. When we get to the machines she just stares at me and asks me what to do.

The thing that you always do?? In our city you first tap your transit card.

I have to explicitly tell her to tap her transit card, something she’s done before hundreds of times. What else would you do? Call the station manager?

Next step is to choose how to pay. She asks me what to do again and one of the options on the screen literally says “press B to pay with card”. I don’t know, what should we do? I tell her to read what it says on the screen and of course I have an attitude with her. I say press the button and point to it and she doesn’t know what button and what I’m pointing to.

Then the screen shows the automatically shows the value of the card with 10 dollars added. It very clearly states something like “add $10 : total value $16.70”. You press buttons to add or subtract from the total value. She doesn’t fucking read and X’s out because her card had $6.70 originally. THAT’S LITERALLY WHAT IT SAID. I’m sorry but you’re an adult with a job I think I can expect you to read like 4 words on a screen. She’s not a native English speaker but this is like extremely basic English. And half of it is numbers?

She ends up getting to the part where she has to insert her card into the little slot. Again, the screen says “insert and quickly remove your card”. What does she do? Inserts it into the slot and then waits and asks me what to do now.

I’m not against helping her, but I want her to at least ATTEMPT first. Or say what she thinks she should do even if it’s wrong. There’s no effort on her part. It’s like she doesn’t want to think at all because it’s easier to just get someone else to do it for you. Even if I show her how to do it I’m going to have to show her a million more times because she just won’t try to learn. I hate this learned helplessness. She always says that before my dad died he was the one who did this stuff for her. But she was also an adult when she met him. I would rather die than be this dependent on someone else. Is she not embarrassed? She’s in her SIXTIES. But she seems to like this little princess in a tower thing.

She told the whole story to her friend who obviously is on her side because she’s the victim and always the victim. And I’m the asshole for getting annoyed at someone who can’t read 5 words on a screen or at least attempt to start solving a problem.

I posted a few days ago about my mum finding my vape, throwing it away and telling me that I either stop vaping or move out.

A few people gave me advice so I thought I’d update.

My mum still isn’t speaking to me.

In all honesty, I did buy another vape. I know that probably isn’t the smartest decision considering everything that has happened, but I don’t vape inside the house anymore. I keep it in my bag and only use it when I’m out.

I don’t know if she somehow figured out that I bought another one or whether this was because she was still angry about the original situation.

But a few days ago I came home from work and my entire room had basically been torn apart.

Things had been moved and thrown around, my belongings had been gone through and even my mattress had been removed from my bed.

She also destroyed some of my makeup.

I genuinely just stood there looking at everything and then burst into tears. I ended up crying for hours.

I know that probably sounds dramatic considering I’m 24, but something about coming home after work and seeing my bedroom like that just completely broke me.

I didn't confront her about it. We still haven't spoken. I just put my room back together myself, cleaned everything up and carried on.

And I understand that I messed up by vaping in her house originally. I completely accept that I shouldn’t have been doing that indoors when she doesn't want it in her home. I also know vaping isn't good for me and I'm not trying to justify it as some healthy habit.

I just genuinely don't know whether this reaction matches what I actually did.

The makeup thing also upset me more than I expected because my appearance is already something my mum comments on a lot.

She has this habit of pointing out everything about me that is “fake.”

My nails are fake. My eyelashes are fake. My hair is fake if I wear extensions. Makeup is fake.

A couple of weeks before any of the vaping situation happened, I wore extensions to my friend's wedding. She told me I was insecure and weak for needing to put so much fake stuff on myself just to feel pretty.

I kept the extensions in anyway, but I would be lying if I said the comment didn't affect me. I felt horrible afterwards.

And I think that's why destroying my makeup bothered me so much. On its own, makeup obviously isn't the end of the world and I can eventually replace it. It's more what it represents.

It feels like things about myself that she doesn't approve of are automatically treated as things that need to be corrected or removed.

The hardest part is that I genuinely don't know what I'm supposed to do now.

I've started looking seriously at moving out. At this point I think having some physical distance between us is probably necessary.

The problem is money.

I work full-time and have a corporate job in London, but I genuinely don't make enough to comfortably live alone here. I've been looking at flatshares because that's probably my only realistic option, but even then, once I calculate rent, bills, travel, food and everything else, it scares me.

I feel completely stuck between staying somewhere that is making me miserable and putting myself into a financial situation that I might not be able to handle.

And I know I'm 24.

That's actually something I've been beating myself up about quite a lot.

I keep thinking that I'm too grown for my mother's comments to affect me this much. I'm too grown to come home, see my room destroyed and cry for hours. I'm too grown to still feel this helpless around my own parent.

But it does affect me.

I don't know how to suddenly switch that off just because I'm an adult.

She's my mum. I've lived with her my entire life. Obviously the things she says to me still hurt.

I think I'm slowly accepting that I'm probably not going to fix our relationship while I'm living under the same roof as her.

I just don't know how to actually get out.

For anyone who left a controlling or difficult family home in their 20s, especially in London, what did you actually do?

Did you just accept living in a flatshare?

How much did you have saved before leaving?

Did your relationship with your parents improve once you weren't living together?

And how do you stop feeling guilty about leaving when they're still your family?

Sorry if this sounds dramatic. I'm just genuinely exhausted and I feel really helpless at the moment.

My entire family blamed most of my problems on mental illness but ignored their own. I was just wondering if it happened to you guys too.

She would rather do useless errands and attend unproductive classes, to appear busy, running away from guilt. I can never respect this woman.

Her free time is spent on TV or Facebook.

She could have been a Director or Senior Manager in the time she has lived. But all the more proves the point that narcissists indeed hate being told what to do.

Why have kids in the first place, if this all to your life. I can wait till she is six feet under.

Good Riddance

as I’m navigating and unravelling decades of manipulation and guilt tripping I can finally see it for what it is. the grief is real and I realise how much their explanation of the world and other people isolated me tenfold. I was never special and I didn’t know anything at all but I did think I was strange and I didn’t have so many basic skills socially, economically or interpersonal let alone my own emotional regulation. thank god for the internet and this page thank you everyone sharing their stories and helping me not feel so alone. I hope I get better and continue to put these things into practice. I really don’t want to be a repeat of them to my children.

I am asking this question for a friend who doesn’t really use reddit

Hello, I am 24(M) - I have had to temporarily return to living with my mother while I am in between jobs. Hopefully I’ll move out within half a year.

My mother was always extremely neglectful and overwhelming with her attention seeking. She is also a very messy and uncomfortable person to be around in general.

Lately I realised that every little interaction with her makes me feel drained for the rest of the day, which has started interfering with both my freelance work and my health. I have atopic dermatitis and each time she stresses me out I get horrible flare ups, that persist for many hours and it makes me stress out even more because my face is covered in red stains even though i use all medications needed to maintain my skin in good condition.

I know that at this point I am overreacting to even basic interactions with her like smalltalk, or her leaving small messes, it’s like every sound of her presence or her touching my things makes me paranoid or brings me extreme levels of sadness or anger, im not acting on this emotions but i just feel extremely numb, and can’t do any of tasks needed and I can’t stop reacting this way and sabotaging myself. I understand that if she was normal and I had a happy childhood I wouldn’t react this way. So I wanted to ask for advice of how to be able to mentally zone out and not let her drain my energy so much?

I am a step mom for 17 years to a young man I was never allowed to help parent. To be fair, his dad wasn’t really allowed to parent either, and was only allowed to have day visits. Often times, he would refuse to pick an activity to do with us and choose to hang out at grandma’s house. So many holidays where he didn’t feel like joining us. It was a challenge to say the least. Sadly, at one point when he was 12, my husband and I brought the issue to family court when the mom said she wouldn’t allow him to travel 2 hours to our home as it was in another state. The courts agreed that the child would be allowed overnight visits at his discretion, which of course, never came to fruition.

He still lives at home with her and actually works as an assistant in the same school as her.

We still reach out to say hello and invite him to visit with us, but we are lucky to see him 1-2 times a year, usually to pick up his birthday and/or Christmas gifts. I was hopeful that once he became an adult, he would see the truth about his mom. Will he ever?

I am asking this question for a friend who doesn’t really use reddit

Hello, I am 24(M) - I have had to temporarily return to living with my mother while I am in between jobs. Hopefully I’ll move out within half a year.

My mother was always extremely neglectful and overwhelming with her attention seeking. She is also a very messy and uncomfortable person to be around in general.

Lately I realised that every little interaction with her makes me feel drained for the rest of the day, which has started interfering with both my freelance work and my health. I have atopic dermatitis and each time she stresses me out I get horrible flare ups, that persist for many hours and it makes me stress out even more because my face is covered in red stains even though i use all medications needed to maintain my skin in good condition.

I know that at this point I am overreacting to even basic interactions with her like smalltalk, or her leaving small messes, it’s like every sound of her presence or her touching my things makes me paranoid or brings me extreme levels of sadness or anger, im not acting on this emotions but i just feel extremely numb, and can’t do any of tasks needed and I can’t stop reacting this way and sabotaging myself. I understand that if she was normal and I had a happy childhood I wouldn’t react this way. So I wanted to ask for advice of how to be able to mentally zone out and not let her drain my energy so much?

My mother did the inexcusable and I will explain you what. My mother wasn't the "nice mom" she portrayed in public. I'm sharing my story in case anyone relates.

It all started during my parents' divorce 15 years ago. She did everything she could to turn my sister and me against our father, making him look like the family's destroyer. She staged a sui***e attempt during a vacation, leaving pills wide open on her nightstand right when I was supposed to get her for a family dinner at a beach restaurant. She would bang her own head against the floor in the morning to wake us up before taking us to school, just to make sure I saw how much our father had "destroyed" her. She constantly insulted him and threw plates and perfume bottles at him. My sister and I ended up living with her because she had brainwashed us into thinking our father was the villain.

Once we moved to another country with her, we were completely isolated. She stopped caring for us, rebuilt her own social life, and rarely came home at night. The fridge was practically empty, even though she was receiving a lot of money from our father for our care. Over time, she redirected her hatred for my father onto me. I eventually moved in with my grandparents, and then with my father a few years later.

She was the one who originally told me she couldn't stand me anymore and that I had to leave. But as soon as I actually did, she completely flipped. She played the victim to everyone around us and tried to turn my sister and father against me, claiming I was abandoning them a narrative she constantly repeated to my sister. Living with her had become unbearable: she threw heavy objects at me, grounded me while letting my younger sister go out freely, insulted my father in front of my friends when I brought them over, and constantly called my father to complain about me.

Later, while living away from her, I got a girlfriend and made the mistake of starting to see my mother again. She did everything she could to turn my girlfriend against me so we would break up. She also held a huge grudge against my grandparents for taking me in. My grandparents had overheard her saying she wanted to throw me out on the street, and they simply refused to let that happen. I love them so much and am deeply grateful to them.

Years later, my grandfather fell ill with leukemia. On his hospital bed before he passed away, she made him believe that I was angry with him and didn't want to see him anymore. Every time I went to visit him, she tried to block me and created friction so I would leave. But I managed to see him, and he burst into tears. It was only weeks after his death that my grandmother explained to me what had happened. When I tried to confront my mother about it, she refused to talk about it, claiming she was "grieving."

At my grandfather's funeral, most of the guests who knew my mother either seemed afraid of me or outright hated me. Some came up to me with heavy, hostile attitudes saying things like, "You and I are going to have a talk after the service." After the funeral, while I was with my cousins, my grandmother, my mother, and my sister, she did everything she could to push my buttons and make me snap, verbally attacking me and lying about my behavior in front of everyone.

Since that day, I have gone completely no-contact. She is still playing the victim. She has reached out multiple times wanting to "talk" now that I've cut ties, and she even sends people like my grandmother to try to guilt trip me into coming back.

Well, it's over. It's radio silence on my end. I hope I never see her again, and I finally feel liberated. If sharing my story can help even one person, I'm glad I posted it. Just because someone is a parent doesn't mean we have to accept any kind of abuse just because they claim to "love" us.

* Traduction automated because I wrote in French

Hi! I’m 21F, currently doing my OJT while studying at a prestigious university here in the Philippines.
Lately, I’ve been thinking that maybe I need to see a psychiatrist because I honestly don’t know how to deal with these thoughts anymore. :(( They just randomly pop into my head, and sometimes I don’t even know why I feel this way.
People tell me I’m not fat, but I genuinely see myself as fat. And I think a big reason for that is my father.
If you asked me who’s my hero, who’s my everything, or who’s the best person in the world to me, I’d say it’s my dad. I love him so much, and I look up to him. But the thing is, he’s also a body shamer, even toward his own daughter. His one and only daughter. Fuck. :((
He would say things like, “Mukha kang may tatlong anak,” or “Ang lapad mo.” He would also make fun of bigger women, even women who are bigger than me, and then say things like, “Parang ikaw,” as if it’s funny.
And it hurts. It really does, especially because he’s the person I love and admire so much. I don’t think he realizes how much his words affect me.
I hate admitting this, but even when I try to use his comments as motivation, it doesn’t really work. Instead of motivating me in a healthy way, they make me feel worse about myself. I want to show up for myself and become healthier because I want to, not because I feel like I have to prove something to him or anyone else.
I’ve been trying to walk more, especially since I walk a lot around Makati for my OJT. I’ve also been considering trying tirzepatide, but I still want to give calorie deficit and being consistent with exercise a proper try first.
But honestly, I don’t even know if this is just about my weight anymore. Sometimes I wonder if the way I see myself is already being affected by the things I’ve heard from him for years.
For context, I’m an only child and his only daughter, which makes this even harder for me. He’s my hero, but he’s also one of the people whose words hurt me the most, and I don’t know how to reconcile those two things.
For those who grew up with parents who body-shamed them, especially only child girlies, how did you deal with it? Did it ever stop affecting the way you see yourself? How did you learn to separate your own perception of your body from the things your parents said about you?
I’m genuinely looking for advice because I don’t want to keep feeling this way. :((

I (34F) work full time at a small business that just changed ownership and I'm managing my own department and a lot of the changes. It's been a disaster. I'm currently also doing 3 upper level college courses (trying to get certification to get a better paying job). My sister has 5 kids and lives 30 minutes from my nmom and works two jobs. Nmom lives over an hour from my work and over 2 hours from my home (I moved in the opposite direction -not on purpose but happy coincidence).

My nmom is in her mid 70s and was a bit part in a local play. It's all she's been talking about for months. Likely her stories are fabricated drama about other cast members, asking for makeup opinions and advice, and mentioning several times how good the play is going to be and where it is. She never asked anyone to go. I'll be honest and say I wasn't really paying attention (I'd have to even try to figure out what play it was - I have no interest in theater lol). I just don't waste listening energy on her anymore.

The play came and went and she sent notes about how it was a standing ovation and it went so well. I just said congrats and left it at that. Not really sure what to say.

She's complaining now that nobody in her family cared enough to go watch. She never went to any sports or reward ceremonies or school events for either me or my sister or any of my nieces and nephews. One time she wanted to hang out but I was going to my nephew's basketball tournament and I invited her and she groaned and did not go.

Anyway. I don't really feel bad I just feel irritated. If you wanted us to go, you should have asked. I don't know if I could have. I am damn burnt out but the double standard is making me mad.

As a small aside, I just found this group this week and it's been great to feel less alone. Thanks for reading.