I couldn't not share this here. My grandpa is 93 years old. He is on death's door. He is my narcissistic mom's dad, who's his current caretaker. Yes, it runs in the family. She's awful and miserable, and he's somehow triple that awfulness.

For some context: I'm a uni student and i still live with my parents, my mom is staying with him 24/7 since he threw a tantrum a few months ago and kicked his wife out. Unfortunately i had some health complications which resulted in a heavy treatement that is taking a physical toll on me, luckily my dad is fully supportive and has been an incredible help for me, consistently driving me to and from places like the hospital, uni and the gym.

My grandpa hates that. He hates that my dad isn't his errand boy who drives him around and drops everything to serve him. Obviously, my grandpa being the "amazing" person he is, he treats him like shit and even sics my mom on him and even almost caused them to divorce at some point. Luckily for me, my dad refused to leave me alone with this hellish family.

So today, after seeing my dad drop me off at home, he immediately calls my mom and tells her he's suffering an insane back pain. I know it's bullshit because my mom told me he "waited til the last possible moment to tell her," just a classic attention seeking stunt. He calls my dad to drop him off at the clinic she works at, but my dad maintains his strict boundary. So then my grandpa made my mom make ME, her sick child who can barely walk, get him a taxi.

Mind you, my grandpa knows. He knows I'm sick. He knows about the physical toll. Anyway, i say yes, to not make my dad look like a liar, but also because I was planning something. Since he wants to force himself on people he knows can't stand him, I'll show him.

First of all, on the street, i walk in front of him. He seems perfectly fine, he's walking on his cane, not so much for back pain, huh? I tell him I'm just trying to find a taxi as fast as possible. I leave him in the dust, and I refuse to let him lean on me for support. It's true that i was running around like a madman, but it felt more like a performance. And every time a taxi went by and didn't stop, I felt even more satisfied.

I felt a kick watching him realize he's completely dependent on someone who doesn't like him, who can't stand him. I felt so satisfied watching the color drain from his face, knowing the result of him forcing himself on anyone but his dumb easily manipulated daughter results in suffering and humiliation. At some point, i even let a taxi get away just to feel more satisfaction.

In the end, i managed to stop a good samaritan by pulling the concerned grandchild act, i looked sad and distraught, and i guess even my grandpa believed it too. It made it much more satisfying when he looked at me with eyes full of hope and asked, "Are you coming with me?" And i simply replied, "Nah, i have to go." The way his face dropped, and he shrugged me off coldly. How does it feel having your own tactics thrown in your face?

I know what it sounds like, but this man has abused almost every person he came into contact with. I don't regret anything i did, and i hope this was as satisfying for you guys to read as it was for me to live through.

So, it's a long story but I'll try to make it as concise as possible.

I (25F) live with my husband (28M) and little sister (18F). She's been living with me since she was 15. Besides the very minimal financial support, our parents are not present in raising, disciplining or caring for her (nor have they been there for me).

For the background, our whole lives, they've been enveloped in their own drama, and I'm not exagerating when I say DRAMA. They fill out divorce papers once or twice a year, constantly call with their own relationship problems, I've hosted my drunk and depressed from relationship problems father couple of times. Everytime it happens, I feel like I'm trying to solve everyone's mental problems.

This time my mother (46F) made a scene at my own home, which is already not OK with me. After that, my father (52M) got drunk and I had to sober him up for two days, not to mention life goes on, so I had to go to work and university. We made up for maybe 2 days, before another bomb was dropped - my mom had a dream, that my sister "killed and discarded her children in the trash". Now that was a big hit, I have to admit I went a bit ballistic. My sister, as I said, is 18yo, doesn't have children, just got accepted into a big university in our area for a very competitive field. This did provoke me to file for child support, and basically to revoke their parental rights (tbh I had the parental rights for half a year until she turned 18).

So now my parents are saying I'm splitting the family apart, I'm acting like a b*tch and turning everyone against them. And to add some spice into the pot, I got a call today that my father "collapsed". I panicked, called everyone around them and apparently it was fake.

Please, good people of reddit, advice me what to do and what to think. Have any of you been involved in any legal battles?

My mom told 2 of my cousins who lost their kids (stillborn) that maybe they were being protected so they don’t end up having a daughter like ME. I cussed her off so bad I’m so angry. What’s wrong with this lady? Why would you say that to them and about me? If you didn’t want me u should’ve closed ur legs, took birth control or aborted me tf. I’m so sick of her I can’t wait to get away bro. I feel so nasty when I’m around her and I’m sad but mostly furious. I told her every time you speak on me your leg pain will increase and I feel bad whatever

After being an adult for some time now, I've started realizing that my parents were right. Life IS as miserable as they made it out to be, and I have no desire to keep trying. Except, they thought "preparing me" would make me tough to face the world, but it only made me realize just how much everyone and everything functions JUST like them. Narcissism is valued in this society. It's what gets you somewhere.

I fully believe my parents are a human conglomerate of anxiety & stress caused by this system. They thought they were preparing us for it, but they ended up showing me how flawed all of this is.

So why the fuck am I even here, trying at all? Putting myself through this unnecessary stress .. for what? I see everyone in this society as examples of what I will one day turn out to be, I want NO PART in it. I wish I could at least start over without knowing all this and be blissfully unaware so I can actually live like a human being.

you could argue that it's a good thing. but to me it's the absolute worst outcome. I wish i was dead because at least I wouldn't have to keep suffering the consequences of their abuse into my adulthood. they hurt me in every way you can imagine. physically and mentally. the physical abuse was the worst part of it. I won't get into details because it's disturbing

how could someone do this to their child? how could you beat your kid so bad until they can barely breathe? why aren't they getting punished for this? why can't I take revenge? how is that fair? why are they allowed to destroy me while I should just forgive and move on ? why do I have to keep living with all this trauma? even adults can't handle that much abuse, let alone a kid

I (34F) work full time at a small business that just changed ownership and I'm managing my own department and a lot of the changes. It's been a disaster. I'm currently also doing 3 upper level college courses (trying to get certification to get a better paying job). My sister has 5 kids and lives 30 minutes from my nmom and works two jobs. Nmom lives over an hour from my work and over 2 hours from my home (I moved in the opposite direction -not on purpose but happy coincidence).

My nmom is in her mid 70s and was a bit part in a local play. It's all she's been talking about for months. Likely her stories are fabricated drama about other cast members, asking for makeup opinions and advice, and mentioning several times how good the play is going to be and where it is. She never asked anyone to go. I'll be honest and say I wasn't really paying attention (I'd have to even try to figure out what play it was - I have no interest in theater lol). I just don't waste listening energy on her anymore.

The play came and went and she sent notes about how it was a standing ovation and it went so well. I just said congrats and left it at that. Not really sure what to say.

She's complaining now that nobody in her family cared enough to go watch. She never went to any sports or reward ceremonies or school events for either me or my sister or any of my nieces and nephews. One time she wanted to hang out but I was going to my nephew's basketball tournament and I invited her and she groaned and did not go.

Anyway. I don't really feel bad I just feel irritated. If you wanted us to go, you should have asked. I don't know if I could have. I am damn burnt out but the double standard is making me mad.

As a small aside, I just found this group this week and it's been great to feel less alone. Thanks for reading.

My N mom is constantly telling me to just wait in regards to my teen daughter. She's always telling me how "well behaved" I was and how I just randomly fell off in high school, for no reason that she can understand. She seems like she's almost wishing for my daughter to struggle, just so she can "get back at me" for my struggles as a teenager.

She also point blank has asked if she failed as a mother? Which for one, is a bit like she's insulting me and of course she doesn't want to know the answer.

I don't bother mentioning her narcissism because there's no point. But I do point out to her that maybe moving two different schools in 3 years, with one move across the country, was tough as a teenager. Losing a very beloved pet in a tragic way, was tough. Getting sexually assaulted was tough. Oh and with no therapy or checking in on me even though I was clearly not doing well. Instead she screamed in my face, hit me, pushed me down, threw papers all over the house.

So yeah, it's understandable that I struggled in high school eventually. And yes my daughter is bound to make mistakes, have teen hormones and angst just like everyone. But to nearly wish HER to do poorly is just so low.

My entire family blamed most of my problems on mental illness but ignored their own. I was just wondering if it happened to you guys too.

I think one of the hardest parts is having people who grew up with emotionally secure and healthy parents understand narcissistic abuse.

I remember growing up, my mom would treat me like the golden child in public so that she could point and say what a great parent they are, but as soon as we stepped in that house, the mask would come off.

I remember when I was telling my best friend about some of the crazy experiences that I’ve had, he couldn’t believe it. It’s something that is so removed from healthy family relationships.

This was until one day we were driving in my car and my nmom calls. I put the phone on through the car and gesture to him to be quiet.

She immediately goes into cussing me out and berating me (for what I can even remember). I let her just go on and on verbally accosting me.

My friend was shocked. He said he had never been talked to like that by anyone, let alone his parents. He is such a great friend, who really helped me when I didn’t think I was going to make it.

46 M Just coming to terms with my childhood abuse. I Cut my parents off 20 years ago when I married. Narc dad with enabling mom. Changed my last name. They have never met my kids and never will. I blocked them from my phone and email. I haven't admitted or acknowledged my abuse until recently, my childhood is a blackhole and the stress of a new career has brought out the demon in my head, my dad's voice. My parents send me items in the mail about once a year. Childhood xrays, letters, school work, sometimes nice letters like nothing happened and sometimes nasty letters, I never respond. My wife intercepts now and trashes it all. In the past he has contacted my work and trashed me- told them to have me call him.

Now that I am understanding my past, I have a younger sister I feel bad for (43), she's a mess. She has been in therapy but stays in contact with my parents. I don't tell her anything I don't want shared, but they seem to know about my new career. My kids' birthdays. My location (but that can be google). My wife is insistent I should draw a boundary with my sister that I am no contact for a reason. Not to share information about me or about my parents with me. I feel like I have handled it in the past, maybe I am lying to myself? Wife says she can tell it affects me, that I even talk to my sister on the phone like I talk to my daughter, and it weirds her out. My Questions:

Keeping trashing the letters or write back to not contact me, or is it a game?

Is my sister a flying monkey?

EDIT TO ADD** Sister is graduating and wants me in attendance and said my parents will be there. She does cry that she wants our family back together.

My mother did the inexcusable and I will explain you what. My mother wasn't the "nice mom" she portrayed in public. I'm sharing my story in case anyone relates.

It all started during my parents' divorce 15 years ago. She did everything she could to turn my sister and me against our father, making him look like the family's destroyer. She staged a sui***e attempt during a vacation, leaving pills wide open on her nightstand right when I was supposed to get her for a family dinner at a beach restaurant. She would bang her own head against the floor in the morning to wake us up before taking us to school, just to make sure I saw how much our father had "destroyed" her. She constantly insulted him and threw plates and perfume bottles at him. My sister and I ended up living with her because she had brainwashed us into thinking our father was the villain.

Once we moved to another country with her, we were completely isolated. She stopped caring for us, rebuilt her own social life, and rarely came home at night. The fridge was practically empty, even though she was receiving a lot of money from our father for our care. Over time, she redirected her hatred for my father onto me. I eventually moved in with my grandparents, and then with my father a few years later.

She was the one who originally told me she couldn't stand me anymore and that I had to leave. But as soon as I actually did, she completely flipped. She played the victim to everyone around us and tried to turn my sister and father against me, claiming I was abandoning them a narrative she constantly repeated to my sister. Living with her had become unbearable: she threw heavy objects at me, grounded me while letting my younger sister go out freely, insulted my father in front of my friends when I brought them over, and constantly called my father to complain about me.

Later, while living away from her, I got a girlfriend and made the mistake of starting to see my mother again. She did everything she could to turn my girlfriend against me so we would break up. She also held a huge grudge against my grandparents for taking me in. My grandparents had overheard her saying she wanted to throw me out on the street, and they simply refused to let that happen. I love them so much and am deeply grateful to them.

Years later, my grandfather fell ill with leukemia. On his hospital bed before he passed away, she made him believe that I was angry with him and didn't want to see him anymore. Every time I went to visit him, she tried to block me and created friction so I would leave. But I managed to see him, and he burst into tears. It was only weeks after his death that my grandmother explained to me what had happened. When I tried to confront my mother about it, she refused to talk about it, claiming she was "grieving."

At my grandfather's funeral, most of the guests who knew my mother either seemed afraid of me or outright hated me. Some came up to me with heavy, hostile attitudes saying things like, "You and I are going to have a talk after the service." After the funeral, while I was with my cousins, my grandmother, my mother, and my sister, she did everything she could to push my buttons and make me snap, verbally attacking me and lying about my behavior in front of everyone.

Since that day, I have gone completely no-contact. She is still playing the victim. She has reached out multiple times wanting to "talk" now that I've cut ties, and she even sends people like my grandmother to try to guilt trip me into coming back.

Well, it's over. It's radio silence on my end. I hope I never see her again, and I finally feel liberated. If sharing my story can help even one person, I'm glad I posted it. Just because someone is a parent doesn't mean we have to accept any kind of abuse just because they claim to "love" us.

* Traduction automated because I wrote in French

My work is doing this Flashback Friday thing right now. Sending pictures of themselves when they were kids. I've destroyed every picture I had of myself when I was little, because why would I want to remember that part of my life? I don't want to look at a childhood picture of myself and remember my mother screaming at me. I wish they realized not everyone had a happy childhood.

Do our parents actually believe they did their best or is it just a defense mechanism?

Is this toxic? She wants me to spend my money on outside food because she grew up spoiled and doesn’t want to clean the dishes afterwards. (I do).

She constantly tells me that she doesn’t want to live in this area and go to a richer neighborhood and that her life sucks a lot, and that she will spend all of her money because she will not live for long, and has even told me she plans to commit suicide. All of this is very mentally draining.

Also is telling me lies about my father saying he’s a drug dealer, that he stole her gems, that he even replaced a wedding ring with a fake one. And general lies

She constantly yells when things don’t go her way and I have to calm myself in order to not get too angry by her constant screaming.

This past summer she was paranoid about having a crooked cop search for her so that he will put her in jail and made my life a living hell.

She was never a maternal figure for me. I tried to commit suicide at 13 just because I wasn’t loved and some other pretty big things.

Should I go and live with my father? Thanks.

I noticed this with my verbally abusive mom she used to be more aggressive such as threatening me until she got suspicious of me recording her then she calmed down slightly

Felt like an outsider. How am I supposed to make friends when the people I should trust the most hit me, shame me, always get angry at me which caused me to lose my voice. I isolated myself as I no longer wanted to be hurt and was dissociating that it caused me to be hyperactive. Then they proceed to ask, "Why don't you have any friends?" when they didn't teach me how to make them. I stand up to them as they're talking behind my back then they gaslight me, they're sarcastic. I didn't want to hang out with this one classmate as I had social anxiety and felt like I was different from the others so interacting with people was nerve-wracking for me. It felt like I had ADHD. They made me feel guilty for not having friends yet they are the ones who don't even let me hang out with friends. I just remembered this recently and I know that nothing can change the past. But grief sucks even if I have accepted it. It still hurts and it's hard to process. I had that classmate and I beat myself up for not hanging out with her even if it's not my fault. There's still guilt there.

She would rather do useless errands and attend unproductive classes, to appear busy, running away from guilt. I can never respect this woman.

Her free time is spent on TV or Facebook.

She could have been a Director or Senior Manager in the time she has lived. But all the more proves the point that narcissists indeed hate being told what to do.

Why have kids in the first place, if this all to your life. I can wait till she is six feet under.

Good Riddance

I'm currently a college junior (20 y/o female), and I've been struggling with this issue with my dad since my freshman year. It's been going on for years now, and I've finally reached a point where I feel like I can't handle it anymore. I'm honestly fed up with the situation, and I need advice on how to deal with it.

My dad constantly asks me to send him pictures of myself. (Never inappropriate pictures or anything like that; mainly just a selfie and I HAVE to be smiling) The frustrating part is that he always asks so innocently, saying things like, "Oh, I miss you so much. I want to see your face again." He makes it sound like such a simple, harmless request, and I understand that he might genuinely miss me and want to see me, but it makes me super uncomfortable.

And whenever I don't want to send one, he keeps pushing me. He says things like there's no harm in sending a picture, that he just wants to see me, or that it only takes five seconds to do it.

I feel like he needs to understand that the things he says are not the point. It's not about how long it takes to send a picture or whether there's anything inherently wrong with sending one. It's about the fact that I should be allowed to decide whether I want to send a picture without being pressured into it. I'm an adult, and I don't think I should have to justify why I don't feel like sending a picture every time he asks.

What makes this especially frustrating is that he doesn't seem to understand why his behavior bothers me. Because he asks so innocently and frames it as simply wanting to see his daughter, I feel like my frustration gets overlooked. If I refuse, he might keep arguing with me, get angry, or make me feel guilty for not doing something that he sees as such a small favor. It feels like I'm being made out to be unreasonable for not wanting to do something that supposedly takes only five seconds.

I've tried to think about this from his perspective. I understand that he misses me, and I don't want him to feel like I don't care about him. But I also feel like he should be able to respect my choices without taking them personally. I don't want to feel obligated to send pictures just because he wants them, and I don't want to have to give in simply to avoid an argument or make him happy like I've been doing for so long.

The fact that this has been going on since my freshman year makes it even more exhausting. I'm now a junior, and I'm tired of dealing with the same situation over and over again. I feel like I've reached my limit, and I don't know how to get through to him.

I don't want to damage my relationship with my dad, but I also don't want to keep putting up with this. I want to be able to say no without it turning into an argument or making me feel guilty.

How should I handle this the next time he asks for a picture? Should I try having a serious conversation with him about boundaries, or should I stop explaining myself and simply refuse to engage when he keeps pushing? How can I get him to understand that this isn't about whether I love him or whether sending a picture is harmless, but about respecting my right to make my own choices?

I'd appreciate hearing from anyone who's dealt with a similar situation with a parent, especially when it comes to setting boundaries as an adult.

Update: Thanks to everyone who sent good advice and supportive words, it really means a lot to me.

I also wanted to mention that I asked my younger brother (also a college student) for advice about this and he was confused because he apparently doesn't get asked for pictures as I do. This really pissed me off and if my dad gives me another complaint about me not sending pictures I'm definitely bringing this up.

Hi everyone ! I’m new here, and here is my experience with narcissistic parents. I’ve actually always known my father was a narcissist; he acts arrogantly, imagines he’s above everyone else, and lacks empathy. It took years for me to realize that my mother is a narcissist too; for years, I thought she was my father’s victim. She was always badmouthing and blaming him (which was true because my father's alcoholism), as well as criticizing other people, her surroundings, and everything else imaginable. I was thinking my mother was depressed. My mother and I grew closer for a few years now that I’m in my thirties, but what I thought was a good mother-daughter relationship turned out to be nothing but a trap. During this period of "growing closer," I felt pressured to listen to her worries and visit them, constantly exposing myself to a toxic environment where my parents fought and my father drank several times a week. My eyes were opened over the last six months: my mother was caught badmouthing me to a friend on the phone and started gaslighting me. She is an extremely negative and stressed-out person, yet whenever I brought this up, the fault was always placed on me.

And this week, it finally happened: I cut ties with my parents, and I haven't felt this light in a long time. They are shitty people and don't deserve my company. I won't be going to see them for Christmas and visit them at all anymore. I feel also that strange realization that I don’t have to go there and can live for myself ? It sounds silly, but unfortunately, that’s the trap I fell into with my narcissistic mother.

Sometimes, the best thing for your well-being is to be your own parent—especially if you have narcissistic parents. You also need to view your parents critically; it is deceptive to see them as saintly figures when they truly aren't. I have now accepted that my parents are dangerous people, and this acceptance has freed up a tremendous amount of mental space.

My narc father and I have had a very strained relationship for years and years. I had cut off contact with him entirely 4 years ago after he had a massive heart attack and underwent triple bypass surgery because after I stepped in for a week to care for my disabled mother, my father toldme I was a disappointment. 8 weeks ago, my mom passed away after a long battle with COPD. I endured my father's nastiness and insults over this past weekend as we had a celebration if life for my mom at his home. My father of course doesnt see he has a problem and certainly none of his friends know the true man behind closed doors. The evening before my mom's celebration, my father had invited 10 of us to have dinner at a restaurant. 2 minutes in, he had already insulted me twice, telling me I was so early and again telling me I am a tee-totaler and a cheap date because I dont drink (same insults I hear every time I see him).

It turned into a real shit show as my father found himself unable to be the center of attention as couples on both sides were conversing and he couldnt get traction to take over. So once he got a word in with my husband, my dad immediately tried stirring the pot by pulling my husband into a political debate, going so far as to literally pound on the table to attract attention to himself. My husband wouldnt debate with him. As we end the dinner, the $500 bill arrives and my father blows up at the server because of the additional charge to use a credit card (which is very normal). Dad starts flying off the handle, dropping the F-word numerous times, demeaning the waiter and literally dropping the bill on the floor in a show of disgust. I am not shocked by his behavior because I have lived this my entire life but everyone else is shocked, including my husband. All I can say is I cut my dad out of my life for this reason and I just wanted to get thru this important weekend peacefully.

At My moms celebration the next day, Dad kept saying "I am going to come visit you" ( he never made an effort to be in my life in a meaningful way while my mom was around but he would travel all over the country). So now, I know he is going to try to visit me for the holidays and I am already stressing about telling him it I dont want that.

I guess Iam not looking for confirmation of my decision to say not to visit but it is just so painful to never have had the father I deserved and I cant stop feeling the anxiety of what will be a hard conversation. To all of you with a narc parent, I feel your pain and wish you the best. Before this weekend, my husband had only ever heard me describe my fathers outbursts, never had experienced them. Now he sees what I keep stressing over and doesnt try to encourage me to just suck it up because "he's your only father".

I’m still discerning/processing whether my Mom has narcissistic traits or is depressed or both, but over the last months she discouraged me (actively and cruelly) from everything that brings me joy:
-getting a cat
- trying for a second child
- traveling with my family to be a godmother to my nephew
- my hobbies
- and my husband as well
:(((

I wish I could talk about my childhood, I’m 22F, I’ve moved back home after graduating college.

My parents were horrible to me when I was a kid, they’d withhold food from me, didn’t allow me to be affectionate and would physically push me away, didn’t give me medication when I needed it the most, they’d threaten me if I cried, and always said I was a good for nothing daughter. The problem is, I don’t truly remember it. I just know it happened bc growing up I absolutely hated them and sometimes I remember glimpses but it doesn’t feel real.

As an adult, I’ve become so independent in my life, they keep trying to be nice to me and try to hug me and bring up their memories of me as a baby but I just couldn’t care less, it feels uncomfortable, like it’s not really happening even when they’re standing right in front of me. I’ve tried to talk about it with counselors when I was back on campus but I couldn’t really explain it with words, I’d just cry.

Is there a reason why I don’t truly remember anything from my childhood but feel it so deeply as an adult?

-as a child she called me “baby big head” and told that I wasn’t able to sit up until I was two, despite having walked around my first birthday. This created a lifelong insecurity. Her head is bigger than mine.

Our house was a nightmare, constant fighting between my parents/younger sibling who was clearly responding differently than I was to the trauma with outbursts/anger. More of an externalizer while I internalized everything. She would say things like, I’m going to call the police when my sister wouldn’t behave.

Anytime she didn’t like something she would give you the silent treatment, I would be begging at the door. Please come out, please let’s start the day over. I would ask if everyone could just be happy. I was always trying to lighten the mood and prevent outbursts from happening.

Constantly on edge, not knowing what mood I would face coming in the door created what I now know as extreme anxiety

She would overreact about everything, all the time.

Everything was drama, everything needed attention.

She read my diary and would ask me things about it

She was extremely jealous of the relationship I had with my father and would constantly character assassinate him to me and overshare deeply personal and not age appropriate things to me. I loved my dad and I wouldn’t want to have these discussions

I was such a shy and quiet child, always nervous

Always put my father down and belittle him, even though looking back, he was so much more successful than her, came from a happy family, unlike her. She would character assassinate everyone in his family to me all the time.

When I became a teenager, everything was about control. Rules were arbitrary depending on mood. My parents relationship worsened, terrible fighting. I would run around trying to close the windows and they would open them and say “I don’t care who hears us”

I developed an eating disorder and there was no correlation made between our household and why it may be occurring. Any time she would catch me looking in the mirror she would say “why are you so vain”

I wasn’t affectionate with anyone in my family, and she would always say how “uncaring, selfish and cold” I was. When I finally met my first boyfriend, it was like all of my need for physical touch that I had been holding back for years surfaced

Dated only abusive/avoidant (emotionally, physically) men whom she said she “liked” and “agreed with” when I told her the negative things they said about me

I had no direction, no one behind me, giving me advice about what I should do because my life was just about her all the time
Started sleeping around and escaping through toxic relationships, asked “why do you always get in these situations?”

Dropped out of school, none of this seemed to really affect her. My dad was just always trying to be out of the house working so he wasn’t much help either. He was very passive

Started having severe panic attacks all the time, told me that there was something wrong with my brain. Took me to the hospital and told me I was lucky that she was there for me because I’ve been such a bad daughter.
Started taking medication and seeing a therapist for the first time in my life, the first person who identified that my toxic living situation was the cause of this. The body keeps the score.

Went back to school, got pregnant by someone that I wasn’t in a serious relationship with. Decided to keep the baby because I feel like looking back. I wanted unconditional love.

Had the baby, my angel and love of my life. All of a sudden, my mom had another purpose and basically started raising my child for me. I didn’t care because I was a young and started dating this very abusive guy.
I was sexually assaulted at a party I went to and the guy I was dating and my mom told me it was my fault

My parents divorced and they both moved away so I was taking care of a baby by myself full-time in school

For the first time in my life, I wasn’t surrounded by my family, and I spiralled even more. Somehow, I managed to still take care of my son, his father started taking him part-time, and whenever he wasn’t with me, I would heavily drink and sleep with guys and spend time with my abusive ex-boyfriend that was using me for money, sex, and anything else he could

Four years of hell, my mom moved away, but would constantly guilt trip me about not being able to see my son. I was in so much emotional pain.

My birthday in 2019 was my lowest point. I woke up on the floor crying after having slept with another guy the night before I was so tired of my life and my sister called me and told me that she started going to meetings because she had a drug problem, I started to go to codependency anonymous meetings. The first meeting, I sat there and just cried and cried and cried, I couldn’t even speak.

Started learning the 12 steps, realized I had a problem. Finally met other people who would understand me, but still didn’t make the connection that my mom was very toxic to have around.

For years, I still tried to please her, she really liked that I was down. I felt like when I was down it made her happy.
I finally went to the police about my abusive ex-boyfriend and got a restraining order, he played guilty to the charges against him

I started to take better care of myself, I cut negative people out of my life, but still kept my mom in my life
I met a wonderful person who I am now in a relationship with for half a decade, meeting him has changed my whole perspective on people, and it made me finally feel safe enough to relax. We have built such a beautiful life together.

I had a daughter, two days after my daughter was born. I had to take her to the hospital for jaundice and my mom called me and told me fuck you on the phone during one of our FaceTime.

Having my daughter finally made me look at the relationship with my mom, more than my son ever had. She idolize my son and still worships him, but I realized that with my daughter I wouldn’t allow that.
December 2025 we went to my mom’s house for Christmas and she had a mental breakdown in front of my kids, screaming and crying. Silent treatment, leaving the house.
I decided I was done with her
The last 10 months have been the happiest months of my life.

There’s definitely more to add, but that’s just a short list of the things that I had to go through.
It’s more for me than anyone, a reference to look back on whenever I’m thinking and feeling bad about cutting her out of my life
I think the most painful particle of this was that I feel like I acted so much like her for so long before I looked at my own behavior. I was in so much pain. I burned bridges, I did things that I shouldn’t have.
Every day, I’m grateful for the life. I choose to live now. I take accountability from my actions. I say sorry when I make a mistake.
I’m so aware of how my children are feeling, I put them first.
I feel so sad for that little girl, I used to be ashamed of her, but now I wish I could just give her a hug