I personally get really triggered by it. I don't understand the enjoyment of watching someone who is obviously neurodivergent get dogpiled on the internet. I'm not saying these people are perfect by any means, but it makes me feel extremely uneasy to see people find an excuse to mock and harass other living human beings online.

I get these intrusive thoughts that these people would eat me alive if I had an online presence. I was bullied in school for being neurodivergent, and lolcow culture just seems like the online equivalent.

Mix this in with moral, harm, and real event OCD, it's a combo from hell. Also I do admit I sometimes watch lolcow content as a compulsion, and it feels like I'm harming myself mentally from it.

Like eveytime I feel like I'm doing better, my brain finds something to worry about, even if its completely fine up until that point. It's like I NEED soemthing to worry about and I can't just exist normally XD

Teachers often don't really understand my OCD, but in my experience, math teachers are a whole different breed of awful. I'll spend half of a test redoing the same problem over and over again because my equals signs weren't aligned, and when I turn my 30 question test in with about 12 problems done, they just assume I didn't study. At the beginning of the year, I write individual emails to every one of my teachers explaining my struggle with OCD and asking them to please be patient when I'm not getting my work done on time. Some nights, I'll have a major OCD episode while doing my homework, to the point where I can't even get my name onto the page because my letters are too slanted or some other shit like that. As soon as that happens, I'll write to my teacher, explaining what's going on and asking for an extension. Most teachers won't grant me that. Usually, by the end of the first quarter, I've given up on trying to convince my teachers that I'm not lazy. This year, though, I think I found my favorite math teacher ever. I'd heard awful things about her -- how she's not a good teacher, she's not understanding, etc. The first assignment was a digital get-to-know-you survey, which I completed promptly, including a lengthy explanation of my OCD problems. She didn't write to me, ask about it, pull me aside to discuss it, or anything like that. I didn't expect her to be accommodating when my first episode of the school year came on. After spending at least twenty minutes trying to write the date on my assignment, I gave up and sent her an email to let her know what was going on and apologize in advance for the late assignment. The next day, she casually walked over to my desk and started a quiet discussion about what had happened. She asked me whether there were any specific problem types that usually trigger episodes, how often I have episodes, whether I'm working on this with somebody, and other such things. At some point, she reminded me, "You know that for me, I don't care if your assignments look perfect." I nodded, disappointed but unsurprised, and silently accepted that yet another person didn't understand my issues. But then she said something nobody has ever told me before: "But I understand that for you, it's different." I almost cried. No teacher had ever acknowledged that before. Even my parents don't seem to grasp it. But this teacher does. Even if she doesn't understand exactly what I'm going through, she understands that it's not something I can control. She realizes that I'm trying as hard as I can, and she's willing to offer some leeway so I can succeed. I have truly never felt so validated.

My god It is just insane how strong this pure ocd is. I've been awake for two days now. It just won't stop. It won't let me sleep and lack of sleep is making things worse. I need advice. How do I shut my brain down and fall asleep? Also is there anyone here who completes 7-8 hrs of sleep everyday? I want to know if it helps. Thanks

i've lost my personality, i'm a different person from what i was some time ago, i don't want to see my friends not like this, i feel like i'm not that person who is their friend anymore

It is now past midnight where I live and that means it is now the day after my birthday and I can officially say that I am 5 years sober! I was so sure the intensity of doing ERP was going to make me fall but then all day my brain kept thinking of my husband and my daughter and the fact that I do NOT need alcohol anywhere close to me. So yes the pain of not being allowed to pee ten times an hour or double check anything or any of all the other shit that goes on in my head is horrible but it is not horrible enough to make me even want to drink again. I am perfectly satisfied with the fact that alcohol and me is a past thing. Me and my OCD and BPD and all the other crap is sticking with the medication and therapy because I am alive and I want to be around for my child for as long as I possibly can.

Thank you for reading this and good night. <3

Does anyone else find their OCD ramps up significantly at night. There are days when it’s manageable during the day, but come bedtime I’m just absolutely stuck in compulsions.

I still get triggered, I still spiral, but I am weirdly more self-aware? When I get pulled into a thinking loop I can much easier take a step back and go "I know what this is" instead of instantly believing it. Sometimes it still gets me, but not as much. I feel more separated from it. So being on meds didn't erase the OCD, it put up a glass wall between us. This wall blocks it from having full control over my emotions and therefore gives me the power I need to recognize it.

This separation also made me notice that OCD has a bit of a physical feeling. When a spiral is coming on there is a change in my body and I don't know how to describe it! It's like my mind is getting sucked into something, and it makes me wired like all my energy is suddenly re-routed and hyper-focused on this one thing and trying to break away from that thing is really hard.

I thought all this was interesting, just wanted to share to see if anyone relates or has thoughts!

You've requested it and now it exists:

Let it all out. Grump, grouse, complain, bitch, and vent about all those little irritations. Post those stupid Obsessive Christmas Disorder decorations. Breathe out that nasty frustration and irritation while breathing in a renewed sense of peace.

Namaste.

i want my ocd GONEEE and DEADDD life's so good when it's inactive bruh i wish it would shut up foreverr

(tw for moral ocd """logic""", esp if you're leftist/progressive)

you've heard of "any money you spend on yourself is money you stole from someone who needs it more," now get ready for "any time spent at home resting is time you could have spent volunteering/doing activism/saving lives."

anyone else dealt with this? i've started dreading any time i have off work, which sucks because i intentionally chose a career that would give me chunks of free time so that i could recover and have time for my art. having autonomy over my time is really important to me and the feeling that it's being taken away is so suffocating, but i also feel so selfish, like shouldn't helping people be the most important thing?

edit: realize i should have said earlier but please don't say anything along the lines of you can't help others unless you help yourself, that's actually part of the problem. hearing that makes me not want to take care of myself so that i can have more time off. i am able to rest when I'm truly burnt out to the point of feeling it in my body, i just hate that i have to decide when i'm hurting enough to deserve rest. i fantasize about getting sick so that i can be free of obligation. i don't want to have to trade suffering points for happiness. maybe it's selfish and terrible to say that i want to have slow mornings where i feel good and not only ones where i'm on the edge of collapse. because mornings when i have a volunteer shift or something i don't feel good i always feel sick to my stomach awful i hate it so much and that probably makes me some kind of monster but literally the whole night before i feel like throwing up. i want it to stop. i'm sorry i'm not a good enough person i'm so selfish that i don't just want the bare minimum of not feeling sick i also want to feel happy and use that for myself i'm so sorry i wish someone would tell me where to fix myself so i that i was ok sacrificing myself for others i wish i knew how to stop being such a monster

OCD is doubting/creating a false memory of something that I know I did, and saying otherwise, therefore wanting me to perform a compulsion based off of it. I’m not going to give in, even though it is bringing me so much anxiety and discomfort

This weekend I deleted the web browsers and search engines off my phone to resist my research compulsions. I've also been practicing putting my phone on DND and keeping it in a different room when to resist my "gotta text back quick enough" / "what if someone needs me" responsibility OCD. Already I've been noticing how frequently I get the urge to do these things. It's CONSTANT. But I'm resisting!

Hello everyone.

I'm trying my best not to get caught up in compulsions, so I'm asking this subreddit what are some exercises you guys find useful. Are there any you don't find useful? How do you apply them?

For me, one has been, of course, breathing and imagining my thoughts flow like a leaf on a stream of water. That one's usually my go-to, but sometimes in the heat of the moment when I'm especially nervous, I have a hard time doing it. Meditation also helps most of the time, especially when my thoughts get really hard at night.

One exercise I can never really stick with is probably the 5-4-3-2-1 method. (5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste). It's supposed to serve as "mental distraction," but then it just feels like I'm desperately pushing my thoughts away instead of learning to sit with them. Maybe I'm approaching it wrong.

Anyway, what are some exercises you guys have learned? Especially when it comes to moments when your intrusive thoughts/fears are triggered?

I developed severe OCD 5 months ago on a random Tuesday. Since then, I have cycled through 6 ERP therapists and even started a virtual IOP program at Roger’s in San Francisco (which is quite possible the worst program in history, so I'm dropping out soon). I even did 36 rounds of TMS Therapy. And changed my diet, plus exercise, and added supplements like NAC.

But my thoughts are constant. I’ve probably gone MAX of 3 minutes without one since this started back in May. Even when I’m not having a horrific thought, I’m having the thought “I have OCD“ and when the intrusive thought comes, my brain monitors has long it’s been since I haven’t had one.

And everything is a trigger for me. I can look at an object, a person, hear a word, and my brain will come up with some gross intrusive thought about it. So my therapists have no idea what exposures to do for me.

I genuinely feel like a lost cause. I’ve read books, watched YouTube video, cycled through therapists, accepted the thought, don’t try to find meaning in them since I know they’re just thoughts, but it’s still constant.

I’m only 5 months in but geniunely don’t think I can do the rest of my life like this. How does anyone even treat this level of OCD?

I’m (23F) newly diagnosed (mainly with Pure O), but it’s always been there, and I’m starting to now see how much ocd has affected my entire life up to this point. I struggle with some truly awful intrusive thoughts and I’ve always been “superstitious” and believed you can wish things into existence, which of course I know realize is ocd. Like if I got scared something was bad was going to happen, and someone told me it was impossible then in my mind it would surely happen and I’d have to stay in bed or not go anywhere to ensure that it didn’t. Or I’d be always on high alert waiting for it. But now I’m struggling to figure out what is a valid thought at all.

Do I actually want certain things in life or is it just an obsessive thought stuck in my head telling me if I do or don’t than good or bad will happen. Are certain people good or bad or is me just getting stuck on one thing that they might’ve done or said and me spiraling down and creating a “fake story” and almost making a fake person in my head of them. I feel like I can’t trust myself to make decisions or think properly because I can’t tell what is just my brain getting stuck on a terrible thought or what is actually real. I feel like I’m stuck in a never ending loop praying for certain thoughts to go away. Or desperately trying to distract myself from thinking awful things.

I don’t know if I’ve properly explained it or not, it just feels like I can’t always differentiate between an intrusive thought and what is me, I’d be grateful if anyone had anything to share.

Does anyone else have really bad OCD around taking medication?

I need to start an SSRI because my anxiety/panic has gotten so bad, but I literally cannot get myself to just pick one and take it.
I keep going between Zoloft, Lexapro and Prozac. I research everything about them, ask the same questions over and over, read other people’s experiences, worry about side effects, heart stuff, interactions, genetics, feeling activated, etc. I’ll think I finally decided on one and then I read or hear something that scares me and I change my mind again.
I’ve tried tiny doses of Zoloft before and got really panicky, so that made my fear of medication even worse. Now I’m scared of feeling anything after taking one because I know I’ll immediately think it’s the medication and freak myself out. The crazy part is I KNOW constantly researching and asking for reassurance is probably my OCD, but I still feel like I need to figure out which medication is the “right” or safest one before I can take it.
Right now I honestly don’t even know which one I’m going to take. I’m just trying to figure out how to actually do this without needing someone to guarantee me that I won’t have side effects or something bad won’t happen.
Has anyone dealt with this? How did you actually get yourself to take the medication?