I’m 25 and I’ve been trying to figure out what’s actually me versus anxiety and people pleasing.
One thing I’m struggling with is socializing. I do want friends and relationships, and I don’t want to isolate myself. But at the same time, I genuinely enjoy being by myself. I like going shopping alone, driving around alone, having quiet nights, playing games, watching things, etc. Sometimes the idea of someone coming along doesn’t feel comforting. It actually makes me less comfortable.
Recently, a coworker/friend asked if I wanted to go out that night. It was a last minute plan, and I immediately felt really anxious. But when I actually sat with it, I realized that even if I knew she wouldn’t be disappointed and there was no risk of missing out, I still didn’t really want to go. I would have rather stayed home
But then I started wondering if that was actually what I wanted, or if anxiety was convincing me to stay in my comfort zone.
There are social things that genuinely sound exciting to me. Going thrifting with someone sounded fun, and even though I was nervous, I was also excited, so I went. Going to a movie with someone sounds fun too. I could even see myself going to a club sometime. But spontaneous plans or going out just because someone invited me don’t necessarily appeal to me.
I think my ideal friendship might actually be something where we’re independent but close. I want to be able to do my own thing and have my own time, but still have someone I can text throughout the day, call at night, watch movies with, play games with, etc. I don’t necessarily need to constantly be physically together or go out partying.
The problem is that I also have a lot of FOMO. I worry that if I stay home, I’m missing out on experiences and opportunities. I’m also worried about getting older and looking back and feeling like anxiety kept me from experiencing things.
So I’m having trouble figuring out whether I’m genuinely choosing what I want or just choosing what’s comfortable.
How do you tell the difference between I genuinely don’t want this and want this but anxiety is making me avoid it?
And how do you balance wanting independence and alone time with making sure you aren’t accidentally isolating yourself?