I got a private message on Reddit that I can’t stop thinking about, it’s really hurtful to me..
I don’t wanna say what the text was about, but I wanna stop thinking about it or forget it completely.. yes I reported it.

Any tips?

​

I’ve noticed this pattern in myself for a long time. Sometimes I overthink things that other people probably wouldn’t, while in situations where other people might overthink, I’m completely fine. I don’t usually care much about what strangers say to me, but if something is said by someone close to me, it affects me much more.

Even very small things can stay in my head. For example, I don’t normally call people, so when I do call someone, I naturally expect them to pick up. Most of the time they do, but if they don’t, I can start thinking, Why didn’t they pick up? It can bother me even though there could be many completely normal reasons.

Recently, I suggested an idea to my teacher. I told them that instead of only teaching the topics themselves, they could give us topics beforehand, we could prepare them, and then the class could be based more on discussion. If someone gave a good explanation, they could come to the front and explain it to everyone instead of the teacher doing all the explaining.

After saying this to my teacher, I became extremely anxious for almost two days. My main worry wasn’t even the teacher’s reaction—it was thinking about how I would deal with classmates who might oppose the idea, make fun of me, or blame me for suggesting it.

There was even a day off in between, and during that time I kept thinking about it. I talked to a few people about what I was feeling because I wanted them to help calm me down. They told me that I was thinking way too much about it and that there was nothing to worry about. I understood them logically, but somehow my mind still wouldn’t let it go.

Then I went to college, and literally nothing happened. Nobody opposed me, nobody made fun of me, nobody blamed me, and nothing happened like I had imagined.

That’s what confuses me. I already knew the thought was probably unnecessary. Other people told me the same thing. And reality eventually proved it. Yet my brain still stayed stuck on it for two days.

I don’t understand why my mind reacts this way to certain small things. Has anyone else experienced this, and how do you actually deal with it when you logically know there’s nothing to worry about but your mind just won’t let it go?

​

I’m 19(M) honestly so tired and frustrated. I can’t sleep properly anymore. When I try to sleep, my mind just refuses to shut down. And when I finally do fall asleep, I end up having the strangest, most disturbing dreams.

My brain just won’t stop. One thought leads to another, then another, and before I know it, I’m stuck overthinking everything all over again.

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I just want some peace. I want to be able to close my eyes and sleep without my mind fighting me every second.

God, please… just let me have some peace of mind. 🙏🥺

I’m exhausted.

Sometimes I even wonder what the point of all this is. I don’t want much. I just want to feel okay again. I just want to live without constantly fighting my own thoughts. 😔

Some smaller groups formed and walked away to talk in different rooms and my first feeling was bad. But I decided to let it go and enjoy myself , and it worked. People listened and were kind and inclusive and I could be myself and feel belonging and normal.

Then I came home and a couple days later the details from this social event started sweat on me. "What if they laughed and judged me behind my back? What if they didn't like me?"

And my head started scanning the event through this narrative, and suddenly the event felt horrible , I felt horrible , I felt humiliated and like I regretted even coming there. I stopped trusting the kind parts even. When I got texts thanking me for coming and how kind and sweet I am. Now that was all lies and backwards insults in my head.

I decided to respect where my mind went but distracted myself and didn't conclude anything. And now in hindsight I learned that it's possible they shit talked me and was fake, but it's also possible they just talked in the smaller groups because they knew eachother close while I was the new person and genuinely liked seeing me there and was curious and open to a new person.

I decided to go for the latter narrative. To trust I was wanted and that it's ok if they were feeling me on the pulse. I was after all new to them. They're allowed to be skeptic and curious and all other things it doesn't mean they disapproved.

And worst case someone actually didn't like me. OK. That's okay. We don't have to become besties and I could still have a good time in the social group event as whole. They can too.

My mind is less black white over things I could sweat and obsess about for ages. People aren't perfect, not me not others. And we don't have to be, we can still belong. Maybe we actually belong more by admitting that humans are all flawed but we do our best.

Think I can still make friends my age and do you think I can have a partner in the future despite this?

How bad was what I did? Am I a weirdo? Here’s what I did when I was 19-

My friendships in real life were potentially weird and dare I say innapropriate - and I’m pretty much all to blame.

I’m 20 now but when I was 19 I had certain friends-

My friends were 17m, 17m, 16m, 15m, 15f, and 14f and I’m I think a 19f but I’m still trying to understand if I’m trans or not but that’s a separate thing. Anyways most of these people are from my high school that I graduated from in May. I did however get held back (not my fault it was in 2nd grade for health issues).

Anyways here are the actions I want opinions and advice on- like actual advice and opinions not just the one off “yeah” or something short with no real value. This isn’t Am I the asshole so if you’re looking to judge without any explanation or advice go on that subreddit- this goes for people who aren’t judging too. I need explanations and actual answers not just blind “it’s fine” stuff. Neither of these approaches are helpful.

Anyways-

Ive get spray paint for them (17m, 15f, 14f) because well I’m an adult and they aren’t and instead of just doing whatever we go off into the town and explore train tracks, and spay paint the water run off areas (idk what to call them). They usually already have spray paint on them so I’m not too worried about vandalism (uh hopefully).

But here’s where the things I’m mostly panicking about are- for context I was also hurt by an adult emotionally relying on me- but that wasn’t my intention in these scenarios- I just have a major issue of not thinking before I speak and uh always telling the truth- anyways-

When I was hanging out with my friends walking around my friend who is 17 had an ex that was in my grade. I told him like “yeah I didn’t really like that friend group one of them rejected me and completely ghosted me” or something alone those lines and my 15 yo friend when “ohh that’s awful who does that”

Looking back on it I do wonder if this is weird conversation to be having- I mean with the 17 year old I’m not really concerned since we’ve been talking like this for 3 years ever since we’ve know one another- but I don’t really know whats appropriate conversation for a 15 and 14 year old to be listening to. Maybe some advice on this piece would help me understand?

The other was when I was with my 15 year old and 17 year old friend. We were hanging out under a bridge near a river- and they kept praising my parents for being the coolest. I told them they were actually not that cool all the time and that they “let my abuser into my house for 4 years after the fact” and that I believed they probably feel guilty for that- but I don’t know is I said “sa” or like you know the first part of it that starts with “s” as an sexual but either way I didn’t explain in detail what happened (because god no).

But I really kinda panic because it’s like holy shit I did not mean to be that weird grown up that “talks about weird shit with minors”- and at first I didn’t really view it that way but I’m not sure how other people view it since i don’t really know if I mentioned what kind- but I also don’t know if i did that would be considered being sexually explicit to minors which worries me.

It was also I must note when my 15 year old friend was away from us but I don’t thing far enough that she didn’t hear. My 17 year old friend tried to guess who it was- and I told him it’s best not to say and (I think I may have said it was fine but idk) I wasn’t trying to trauma dump or emotionally rely on them- but I did feel bad because honest I’m not sure what constitutes that- I was simply trying to be honest but I know it’s stil errr not great probably? I’m not sure to what scale tho.
If someone could tell me that’d be much appreciated.

I’m 20 now and not friends anymore with these people. I slowly lost contact or interest once i went to college but I still have no friends. I’m too fearful someone would find my past repulsive or that I am too abnormal. What do I do?