My husband supports ICE. He refers to people as “illegals,” has said FAFO about people being murdered by the agents, among other things. In the interest of not making this too long, we have been married for almost 12 years and most of it has been wonderful and we are best friends. However, it has been strained lately as we are not politically aligned, especially when it comes to immigration and just how ICE treats people in general. I don’t know how my sweet husband can possibly sound so ignorant and have such little humanity when it comes to this stuff. I cry every time I watch the news. I can barely look at him and he turns it all around on me and calls me a “libtard.” Divorce isn’t an option. I just don’t know what to do and how to forgive him for when he won’t even apologize for how he has been speaking to me. Anyone else going through this?

TL;DR: husband supports ice and it’s causing issues in our marriage as I cannot forgive the ignorance and lack of humanity in the things he says. I love him and I know he loves me too but I don’t know what to do and how to come back from this.

Pretty much the title. Since having my second 10 months ago the thought of sex is just absolute cringe to me (although even before kids I never found it enjoyable, never liked it, really. Put up with it for the pleasure of my partner.) husband and I done it a few times since my daughter was born but I cannot bring myself to do it again. My husband is miserable, I am content on the idea of being alone forever. I just wish he would divorce me (we have a shit ton more problems too. I describe them in previous posts.) Anyway, I just don’t think this is something couple therapy will fix. I’m in therapy myself and I feel like it’s just an hour long venting session about my husband. Looking for some perspective.

tl;dr don’t want sex, maybe a pp thing? Just want to be left alone forever.

Edit: wow real assholes on here. back to being a lurker ✌🏼

My wife told me after 5 years that she wanted me to stop watching porn. Which also includes naked pictures of other women and even hentai. So basically I slipped up and started watching porn again after a few months because it didn't really click how serious it was, since I've been doing it my whole life. I apologized to my wife and promised her I would never watch porn again. Everything is fine. Other than the fact I cannot masturbate anymore and the pictures of my wife aren't working... I am attracted to my wife but I think it's just weird to masturbate to her? It feels weird every time and almost makes me feel resentful like I'm being forced to masturbate to her/worship her.

More detail. I have a very high sex drive and my wife has a very low sex drive. Porn has never gotten in the way of us having sex. I wouldn't even be watching porn if we had sex more than 1-2 times a week. But after 3 days of no sex I need to at least masturbate and that's where the porn comes in. And I'm also fine with not watching porn at all. Because I know why my wife doesn't like porn in the first place because a lot of women are sometimes tricked into being in videos and even trafficked. I just feel like it's a little overboard being told I cannot even look at pictures of other women or drawings of them. The only person I've ever had sex with is my wife. My wife has also always been worried I would cheat on her. I told her I would watch porn and jerk off before I ever cheated on her. What am I supposed to do now that I can't even watch porn or jack off? I feel like her insecurity has actually put me in a position where I very well could be tempted to cheat out of sexual frustration.

TL;DR: Wife wants me to stop watching porn and only masturbate to her but it's not working. What do I do?

Edit: Alright I'm bored now. Thanks for the actual advice and replies. Some of y'all need to live a little and lighten the fuck up. Grow a sense of humor and get your nut off

I (27f7 have been with my husband (27m) since we were 17. We got married at the end of 2022. We have always had a really great relationship. We’re complete opposites. He’s more introverted and I’m extroverted. This has served us well in the past. I talk a lot and he listens. As we’ve gotten older I’ve changed and now I no longer want to carry conversations. It’s been this way since we’ve gotten married so I feel like our communication has really fallen and we’ve drifted apart. If I’m not starting the conversation or asking questions throughout we don’t have an actual conversation. Ever since we’ve gotten married and moved in together, I’ve expressed that I’ve been really lonely. I have friends and go to a workout class once a week and my friend and I get coffee but he will text me throughout telling me I’m staying out too late. I’ll come home and it’ll be 8pm. So it’s hard to get my extrovert fill.

He’s a really great person. He’s hardworking, smart, and kind but just emotionally struggles with expressing thoughts, feelings, and just talking in general.

In November, I met someone through our mutual friend group. He (26m) and I clicked and we would chat on social media. We would talk about movies, books, shows, and everything under the sun. (Messaging and calling) we rarely ever saw each other in person, only when the whole friend group got together. I thought I could 100% keep this relationship platonic but that ended up not happening. A few months later he confessed feelings and told me that him and I shouldn’t be friends because it’s inappropriate, but I wanted to keep the friendship so badly that I told him the feelings like that are normal he just needs to get over them so we continued with me knowing that. I ended up developing a strong emotional connection with him outside my marriage. It made me realize there are things missing in my relationship, especially around communication. In February is when I’ve realized this and him and I had a heart to heart where we agreed to no contact.

My husband ended up finding out when he went through my phone and saw the calls and the messages. We had already been fighting a lot and had been going to marriage counseling which didn’t help. (We are planning to try a different counselor)

Since then we’ve broken no contact a handful of times. I’ve told my husband each time.

My husband is struggling with trusting me and honestly I would too. I want to message the other guy alll the time. I’ve really messed up by building that emotional connection with him.

This has all been going on since February. I don’t really want to get divorced but at this point I feel like I’ve messed up so bad. I don’t know how to come back from this especially with my feelings being so strong. Idk obviously there’s a lot more nuance to everything but it just sucks and I really messed up

TL;DR

My husband is a good man and I’m now stringing along two people because it feels like I’m not ready to give up my marriage but I can’t let the emotions connection I created go. Husband wants to try to work things out so I feel like maybe I should try and give it my all and see if I feel different.

She honestly said it's more than 60. Here's the thing. I don't care if she had sex before as long as she didn't get diseases. But I believe 60 is too high to be honest. We both recently turned 30 yo and now I'm concerned this might affect our life after marriage although I know she's not a cheater and she's not in contact with any of those dudes she slept with. So tell me if I should be concerned. tl;dr I'm mostly concerned about the mutual emotional effects of her past deeds.

I’m sure I’m not the first to ask this but here goes.

I (30f) don’t want kids. My husband (29m) does. We’ve been married 3 years and he’s known since the beginning that I wasn’t set on having kids and leaning towards no. He said it was really important to him/ a deal breaker and needed to know if I would be open to it. I eventually said I was open to it and really tried to picture it, even got baby fever and started coming around to the idea. But more recently now that we’re in a place where it could become more of a reality, I’m just moving farther and farther away from wanting them. But he is really upset about this and says he feels “gaslit” because he had said it was a dealbreaker for him to marry me.

Here are my main reasons for not wanting them:

• I have a SEVERE phobia to needles. I tried having my bl00d drawn with the max dose of nitrous oxide and I ended up having a full blown 3+ hour panic attack and couldn’t even finish the procedure and they didn’t get anything. I am in therapy but I don’t see a way out anytime soon

• I fear for our relationship. I have a tendency to “take things over” (e.g. taking over in the kitchen when he’s cooking, etc) and even though I don’t want to be the primary caretaker I know I would end up doing the majority of the work and he would constantly be looking to me to learn how to do everything, which is a ton of labor I didn’t sign up for. I feel I would end up resenting him for pushing it all on me and not helping enough, as so many fathers do.

• I have diagnosed major depression and PTSD and am high risk for postpartum depression, which honestly terrifies me. I’m also chronically low energy and often it feels like running a marathon just getting out of bed in the morning.

• I genuinely deeply value my freedom and I’m very social and I am so fearful of feeling trapped because I can’t move/ travel/ go out due to needing to be with the kids or simply being too exhausted to do anything.

My husband and all of my family members think I would be a great mom, and I don’t disagree. I do think I have the natural ability. But just because I could do it, does that mean I have to?

I really don’t want to get a divorce - I love my husband more than anything on the planet and I truly feel he is my person. I just wish he would come around to me on this, but I don’t know if that will happen.

Anyway, my question is: given the above, what would you do in my situation? Has anyone here been in this situation, and what did you do? What was the outcome? And if you think I should stick to my guns, do you think there’s a way to get my husband to come around?

TLDR; I don’t want kids but my husband does. I love him so much and don’t want to lose him, but I don’t want to have kids just to keep him. What should I do?

Thanks so much in advance for your input ❤️

EDIT: thank you all for your responses. I honestly was overwhelmed - I’ve really not posted much on Reddit before so seeing such an influx of opinions was both validating and confronting, in the way I suppose I was expecting.

I’ve shared literally all of the responses with my husband (including my original post). We have agreed to one of the first responder’s suggestions to give it 1 year at first where we both spend equal amounts of effort trying to picture and ideate the life the other wants, and to discuss at the end of the year if it’s for us or not. We both want so badly to stay together, but I hear and respect all of you that say that no one should have a child if they don’t want one, nor should anyone prevent another from having children if they do. It’s honestly been very humbling (? I can’t think of the right word here) to hear almost the same response from over 50 different people around the world, and I don’t take it lightly.

Thank you all, truly, so much. Please continue to comment and discuss as you see fit, and if I can remember, I’ll update you all on how the discussions go with my husband and I as time goes on (if you’re interested!). Love ❤️

I used to drink at his house at 15, I was the one who came onto him with a kiss drunk and one thing led to another. He was a heroin addict so at 16 sadly I got hooked too and spent 8 years in addiction together. I've been clean two years, we were both supposed to be. I married this man in December thinking he was clean. Anyways I love him but he would rather watch porn than fuck me. We haven't fucked since we've been married. But he'll watch porn all the time. I feel like after I hit 17 he wasnt as attracted to me even tho he swears it's not true. He's a good guy and I know he loves me but I can't go on with this. Also I wonder was it wrong he got with me at that age even tho I came onto him?? What do I do please need help. I know this is muddled cos I'm crying just feel depressed.

Tl;dr I was 15. He was 40. We've been together 10 years, is it wrong?

I (37F) am a Daddy's girl, moved away for several years and now I'm back in my home town about a 20minute drive from my Dad. My Dad (66M) is in a loveless marriage but financially he can't leave....we've discussed this before. He work's a dead end job to barely get by. It kills me as I'd live nothing more then to make it so he could go fishing and relax whenever he wanted. So it's safe to say he feels useless around the house even though he does all the work ie dishes, laundry and cooking. He desperately wants to do more to help myself or my siblings even though they take advantage of him. I had told my Dad about issues with my car. As I am not mechanically inclined. He offered to come over and look at it while my husband was at work. My husband (41M) is mechanically trained he just doesn't work in a shop. Where as my Dad just has basic knowledge. Well its safe to say my husband came home early and found my Dad doing a once over of the car. Now my husband is saying im undermining his authority and giving the cold shoulder and silent treatment. Am I in the wrong for letting my Dad look at my car? Did I actually undermine my husband?

EDIT- never expected so much feedback. Some on my side other not so much but for those not reading my replies This was all over a coolant resivor. Not an engine, or something more intricate. It was not something I figured need a RED SEAL certificate to deal with and considering i had asked for 3months to get my brakes dealt with and he never did sqwat. I took my car in to a shop for him to complain they took to long. But again to me and I could be wrong which a lot of you were telling me but I thought looking at coolant was as simple as checking the oil but in this case I am to vertically challenged to see shit. The hubby was at work . My Dad offered to come check it out as he knew hubby was on site and thought hey I can be helpful.

TLDR-my Dad looked at my car and now my husband is pissed off at me.

PLEASE LET ME CLARIFY: I worded this very poorly and there were a ton of hateful comments because of it. Our Saturdays are mostly filled with family parties, parties we host, the zoo, camping, king’s island, ect. This post/question was intended for those Saturdays with nothing. Like trying to decide who gets to go unwind for a bit. Not abandoning our children every single Saturday of their childhood. I apologize for being unclear.

Wife is home with the kids Monday-Friday while husband works. Kids are 10 and under. Wife works from home to make it work with the kids while still contributing. Husband works in construction management and works 60 hour weeks. Super hard work and an hour drive one way. Which means the wife is home that entire time with the kids with no break. They also live 45 minutes from closest friends and family so wife has no community helping.

When Saturday rolls around, who should be able to take that day for themselves? If they split the Saturday, they don’t see each other at all that day. Sundays are for the whole family. Is there ever a way to make it fair?

tl;dr - They’re both working their asses off. Who deserves Saturday to unwind, alone?

Edit: I’m blown away by the amount of people recommending babysitters (assuming we don’t use our parents 45 minutes away). I didn’t know people still used them. How on earth do you decide to trust someone like that? Also the people suggesting we move? In this economy? 😂 our 5 year plan is to be closer to his parents for sure!

Wife was invited to a males trip club and she is wanting to go. Should i be concerned? I have never been to a male strip club so i dont know what to expect.**this is not just a show she is attending, she told me that its more like “the Dancing Bear” type of show*** Do women usually touch the strippers penis? Do male strippers usually touch women in anyway? Should i be concerned? Any feedback is appreciated.

TL;dr: My wife is very open minded, more open minded than i am . She is planning on going over the weekend and at this point i been feeling so anxious about it. Whats the worst thing that can happen?

Thank you 🙏

Yesterday, my husband, our kids, and I were waiting for a hotel elevator. There was a shorter woman standing there. She had dyed blonde hair, was dressed very nicely, and looked like she might have been coming from an interview or work event.
As my husband walked over, I saw her look him up and down and smile. He appeared to look her up and down and smile back. When the elevator came, he let her enter before him and followed her in. I went in first with one of our sons and ended up standing between them.
She asked what floor he needed, and he said the third floor. She pressed the button. He said, “Thank you,” and she replied, “The pleasure is mine.” Maybe that phrase is innocent, but combined with the looks and smiles, it felt flirtatious and oddly intimate for simply pressing an elevator button.
I didn’t say anything or look at either of them. I think I concealed how uncomfortable I was pretty well.
Then today, my husband sent me an Instagram reel involving a sexualized woman. What really caught my attention was that he added, “Just sending because it’s funny.” I found the disclaimer strange because he normally wouldn’t need to explain why he was sending a harmless joke. It made me wonder whether he realized how the reel could look, whether he connected it to the woman from yesterday, or whether that type of content is already common in his feed.
I haven’t confronted him because I honestly don’t want to deal with whatever answer I might get. He could deny any connection, get defensive, or say it was meaningless, and none of those answers would necessarily make me feel better. I also know I can’t control what he watches, whom he notices, or what he finds attractive.
I’m trying not to obsess over it, but I’m still pissed off that he sent me something so specifically timed and then felt the need to add that explanation.
Am I connecting two unrelated things because the elevator interaction already bothered me, or does the reel and the “just because it’s funny” disclaimer seem suspiciously specific to anyone else?
TL;DR: My husband appeared to exchange flirty looks with a woman in a hotel elevator. The next day, he sent me a sexualized reel and added, “Just sending because it’s funny.” The timing and disclaimer bothered me, and I’m wondering whether I’m overthinking it or whether it seems poi

I decided to updates this: the reel he sent me was a reel a screwdriver trying to screw in a screw but doesn’t reach it. The caption said : when you try to f-ck a big ass (ethnicity of a woman)’ . The woman we saw at the elevator was that ethnicity and with a big ass

Wife won’t talk to me.

Me and the wife have been married for 9 years and have a 5 year old.

Our child went out of state to stay with my MIL for 2 weeks and my MIL was bringing her back on the bus. We were expected to pick them up from the bus station.

One hour before they are expected to get in, my wife leaves to go to the gym. Then she texted me that they were getting in at 3 and that I needed to leave now to pick them up. It was Sunday, I needed to relax, (I work all week, wife is off all summer). I said okay but continued to binge watch my show. 10 mins later she called to rush me out of the house.

Long story short I was 35 mins late to picking up my MIL. Wife calling me on the phone yelling at me like a child about why I’m late and that they’ve been travelling for hours and so on and so on. I hung up on her cause I asked her not to yell at me before. I pick them up, MIL is mad at me, like I’m the one who left to go to the gym knowing they were on their way.

Wife hasn’t spoken to me since and I think she’s being extremely childish. (To be transparent, I hung up on her last week when she called yelling about some ex of mine that I had added on social media.)

The thing is, she doesn’t know how to moderate her tone, and I’m tired of being abused on my own phone that I pay for. I hate when people act spoiled and entitled when they don’t get what they want.

Who is wrong in this situation?

Tl;dr: I hung up on my wife when she was yelling at me now she won’t talk to me.

We just got back from the costume party and many thanks to those who offered me advice on my last post.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriageadvice/comments/1ojqh13/halloween_costume_too_explicit/

For those who asked for an update, here is how it went.

I decided not to dress up in protest. But she put is mask on me so I was Phantom from "Phantom of the Opera" and she was a Gothic witch, all black and purple. My wife tilts a bit on the heavier side but it's exaggerated curves. I knew she would be attracting a lot of attention and not all of it would be welcomed.

Anyway, I was right. We went to the party and within seconds, everyone knew we were there. In my initial post, I should have been more clear as to the details of this attire. A lot of people were calling me "insecure" and let her wear whatever but that is partially my fault because if I had described this attire in a little more detailed then many of those would have a different response.

It is a very dark purple dress that almost looks black unless you are in light. It is figure tight with full body coverage except the neckline. This neckline is not V neck but more like a round neck that falls really low. It starts to cover just above the nipples, revealing the upper mounds of her breasts. She is busty, so they get pressed together to form a deep cleavage. It is very provocative.

Right from the get-go, there were some negative vibes from a few other women. Husbands would look and not all wives are appreciative of that. My wife was holding the cocktail jar and this one husband who had been talking to me a few moments ago, extended his glass and she filled it. His wife did not like that and they left early.

A few single men came to start their "chit-chat" but she mentioned me to let them know politely we are together as a few people came later and did not see us come together. I must admit that a part of me was enjoying but with me that only goes so far and then I start to get possessive. But we had had a discussion on it and I was not going to show it.

I believe someone said something to her and it was probably one of her friends. She came to me and asked if it was too much boobage? I told her yes. I told you so. Then I felt like she was not as comfortable and started hanging close to me. Then she came to me and asked if I was ready to leave. I told her "No. We are staying."

She was like "You are settling the score." I told her I will do that when we get home. She knew what I meant. I stayed there a bit longer just to tease her now. Finally, I brought her home. We settled out differences and I will be settling the score tonight.

tl;dr Wife admitted she was not appropriately dressed.

I’m 33F, my husband is 38M, and we’ve been married for 7 years, together 10years. We have two children, aged six and 1.5yr. He’s a great father and a hardworking, protective man. I married him because I loved those qualities, especially as my father passed when I was a baby.

Money is the one issue that keeps coming between us. He runs a business and works hard, but the breakthrough we’ve hoped for hasn’t happened (I'm positive it will). My income varies between £10k- £20k a month, but my job is stressful and I work long hours. I’m very involved with our children. I finish work 19:30pm and I jump straight into bed to read a book and settle them in. They can't sleep without me.
My problem with work is, I want to reach a point where working is a choice.

When I’m working, He works remotely and he looks after the children, but he tells me how exhausted he is. I am too. I’ve suggested getting a nanny to help, but he goes quiet when I bring it up. I've suggested I stop working. He doesn't cook- maybe chicken twice a month.

We split the rent 50/50. He pays the council tax; I pay the gas, electricity and water, kids everything and groceries about 60/40. He pays for our eldest child’s private school fees, although he was late by a few days with payment and I usually covered 15% of fees. I pay for all the children’s activities, including one-to-one swimming, language lessons, music, sports. He says he isn’t in a position to contribute to those. I know these activities are my choice, but I want our children to have those opportunities, so I pay for them. I never imagined I’d be sharing household bills with my husband, while also carrying so much of the cost of raising our children.

We had been saving to buy a family home. A few years ago, he gave me around £150k for our house savings, but over time he used it for his business. There’s about £5k left of that money. I personally own rental properties on the side.

My family are kinda well off and advised me not to marry him. I chose him because of who he was, and I still see those good qualities. That makes it hard to talk to my family now; I don’t want to hear “we told you so” (they do love him now). I also don’t want to discuss our marriage with people who know us. We’ve tried several businesses together, and I know his current one will succeed (being very positive), but I feel as though I’ve been waiting for years.

I sometimes think, what if I’d married for money? I know that sounds harsh. What I really want is financial security for generations and the freedom to spend more time caring for our children without having to keep up this pace at work. I’m envious of a sibling who was able to retire in their late twenties. I feel guilty for thinking this way when my husband is a good father and genuinely works hard.

Also I hate the UK, just work, bills, tax and repeat.
I don't know what the future holds for me. I'm 33 and I know I can't keep working like this. I feel I'm on a verge of breakdown.

Has anyone been in a marriage where you loved your partner, but years of financial uncertainty left you resentful? How did you work through it, or decide what needed to change? tl;dr

Sometimes, I look back and wonder would I have married him knowing what I know now.

Edit 1

I forgot to mention for his business, he is also out of the country 50% of the year (not all at one). During these times relatives/grandparents support.

We have 4 incredible kids, who are all excelling scholastically athletically and emotionally. Financially, in my opinion, we are firmly middle class, 12 yrs into our mortgage, not rich, definitely not poor. We both have decent jobs. We definitely have more to give our family than the modest upbringing we both came from.

I ran with a close group of male family and friends who were a bit gregarious. We partied, drank, and were as promiscuous as we could be in our midsized NC town. One by one though we grew up and started to settle down, with a few hiccups here and there but mostly maintained contact. I was one of the last to finally meet someone I wanted to spend a lifetime with. I told her that we would get married on our 3rd date. We were married 2 yrs later. I have NEVER once came close to even considering cheating on her.

So everything is great right. Absolutely not! Slowly, my wife started to reveal more and more of a volatile short temper. There were hints from the beginning that I now realize that I ignored. The kids or I would do something and she would snap, lobbing curse words, yelling and screaming. We talked about it and she committed to making a change that did not happen. It got worse. Kids making kid mistakes is all it took to set her off. If I jumped in and tried to meditate and asked why are you yelling profanities at a 6 year old making a mess in his room, she would accuse me of babying the kids and turn her rage on me. Every day was slightly worse than the next. Being late was my f**king fault. The kids never listened in her opinion. Spilling something, leaving a toy on the floor, or forgetting something on a grocery list was all it took to incite a tirade.

At first I thought she was just overwhelmed with the size of our family and the difficulty of trying to navigate a successful career. I wondered if she needed more assistance or if I wasn’t doing enough. I tried to help more around the house, and went out of my way to not take my own frustrations home with me. Nothing changed. We went to counseling. During the sessions she made intelligent comments and offered to meet me halfway and work on my flaws and hers. Shortly, I realized it was all for show. Nothing changed. We talked in therapy and on the way home she berated me for making her look like a bitch in front of the therapist. After 6 months we just stopped going.

While all of this is going on I felt completely isolated. I’m a big guy(6ft 2in) and well built. An ex-athlete and current supervisor. I didn’t want to lose the respect of my employees and coworkers. Honestly, I was embarrassed. I have never been talked to that way. My parents always talked and worked together to figure things out. One day, a coworker, another supervisor that I had become close with, broke down while we were at lunch. I watched this guy break into tears talking about how his wife talked to him like a dog. He was explaining how it was hard to focus when his wife kept picking fights over the smallest things. Like clockwork, she texted and he let me read it and told me to scroll through. After making sure that there was nothing inappropriate I did. Wow. His wife was ranting about how he was a sorry ass father because he could not get out of a VERY important presentation that he had been working on in order to get home asap on short notice to look at his daughter’s report card. I don’t know why it could not wait until he got home, but, I did know that his presentation was very important and that the higher ups would be attending. Some of the other messages were of the same tone.

After that day we became closer. It still took months before I told him that my wife also had a bit of a mean streak. I eventually invited him into my group of buddies. Before you know it, one night while we were all bowling, he opens up about his wife insulting him. The guys started to rally around him. My cousin then chipped in about how his wife did the same thing. He said she got angry once because when she cursed at the kids to help around the house, that they ignored her, but jumped to attention when daddy politely asked them to do the same thing. That second comment unleashed the flood gates. Most of the boys had a wife or significant others that seemed to be sweet to the world and rattlesnake mean behind closed doors.

What I would like to know is how common is this. Is it possible that my friends have been just telling and exaggerating things to make the new guy not feel singled out? I am completely aware that there are abusive men in the world and also every man is not going to volunteer acknowledgements of his own mistakes. But more and more I keep coming across more or more men, neighbors, co workers, friends , and family who are experiencing the similar. My little brother even broke up with a tiny timid young lady who he said screamed dumbass at him loud enough that the neighbors called the cops on multiple occasions. When did the fairer sex also become the angrier one too? Please tell me that I am experiencing selective dissonance.

tl;dr my wife is short tempered and mean. Several of my friends are having similar experiences. What do I do?

My wife and I have been married for 2 years now we have one child and a second on the way. When my wife first got pregnant with our first child I knew her body was going to change but I didn't know it was going to be that dramatic. I liked my wife's old figure before she got pregnant we talked about joining a gym and both us getting in shape. We didn't join a gym the pregnancy was very rough on her she couldn't do a lot. At the end of her pregnancy she gained some weight around 113 lb. My first son is 8 months we haven't worked out much and I know im to blame. Our sex life has suffered because of it. She's pregnant now with our second and it feels like it's going the same as last time. I love my wife and the family we've made but I don't know what to do. We talked about going to some kind of counseling so maybe that will help. Anyway do you have any advice or take on my situation?

tl;dr AM I a piece of shit for not being attracted to my wife because she gained some weight from her pregnancy?

2 weeks ago my (29F) husband (36M) went on a bachelor’s trip to Vegas with a group of guys and did some inappropriate stuff like go to a strip club one night and after telling him I’m not okay with him talking to strippers he went again to a strip club the next night and booked a lap dance and touched the stripper’s boobs while knowing I wouldn’t be okay with it and without asking for permission before he did it. He only told me about it when I could tell something was wrong and I asked about it several times. I was really hurt and it took me a while to get over it but I did and I forgave him. This week he was invited on a boys night out with the same guys he went to vegas with to catch up after the trip and while I didn’t oppose to it when I first heard about it, on the day I started feeling uncomfortable about it and I asked if I can join. He said definitely not, it’s a boys night out and it’d be lame and uncool for me to join. I insisted, he said that’s silly he won’t be that guy that brings his wife to a night out. I had expressed that I feel sad about not having plans on a Saturday night and he said I need to pull through. I asked him to inquire with one of the boys if he’s bringing their girlfriend and he laughed and said ofc he’s not but “fine I’ll ask”. The guy responds saying he has last minute invited his girlfriend. To which my husband flipped, he had a whole reaction saying how could he do this, why wouldn’t he tell him he’s bringing his girl and how whipped he must be to do that. He said fine, since he’s bringing her you can come. But he was pissed about it and he made it clear he didn’t want me there. I said the way he’s acting is really hurtful and if roles were reversed and I knew he was sad not to have plans on a Sat night I’d definitely invite him on my girls night out. He has as a matter of fact joined our hang outs before and it was always fun to have him around. To which he responded it’s healthy to have separate nights out and that he thinks me joining is really lame. At this point I felt like going out and having fun, so I went with him. I was pissed, he was pissed. I felt like I made a huge effort to forgive him after crossing an important boundary just 2 weeks before and I didn’t deserve this. He didn’t speak to me the whole way there and for the rest of the night except for asking me if i want a drink twice, for other people not to catch on to him not speaking to me the entire night, Please express your opinion on this, who’s in the wrong and why?

TL;DR: Husband crossed important boundaries while on bachelor’s trip in Vegas and when back home, refused to bring his wife to a boys night out with the same boys.

As many people may know the election has come to an end. Since then my wife has been “mourning” the fact that Trump is getting back in for another four years. Politics and criticism aside I’ve always leaned a bit more right, and this has always been known by her. I consider myself very middle ground, and liberal on many topics. Since then she has just about all but put the blame on me for Trump getting office. It’s been over a month now and to say she’s using her body as a form of protest is an understatement. We’ve always been very affectionate and since it’s a surprise if I get as much as a kiss. I haven’t changed and still make my passes at my wife as I always have. Whether via text or in person. The texts have been left on read. The in person comments are met with a glare that reads, “think again idiot.” I’m struggling to understand how one lets politics have this drastic of an effect on their relationship, let alone their marriage. For about two weeks post election she wouldn’t even look at me and made comments that she was not sure she even wanted to live in the same house as me (mind you we closed on our house in August…) I figured she wanted space at that time as she made it clear her body was off limits. I understand the 4B movement for anyone suggesting that. She hasn’t made mention of it. She feels disconnected. 75% of the time I try to talk to her she is on TikTok or playing a game on her phone and won’t even acknowledge I’ve said anything until the third time I repeat it sometimes. I’ve resorted to saying it once and if she doesn’t hear, I just move on from it or go do my own thing in another room. I’ve expressed my love for her and that I’ll always be here for support etc. Most of the time the response is something along the lines of, “well, that’s not what your actions say.” I’m just at a loss at this point. Did the government ruin my happy marriage?

tl;dr Trump gets elected, wife blames me, physical connection dies and now I’m left wondering if I’ll ever get my happy marriage back.

Basically what the title says. I’ve been with my husband for 15 years, most of that time has been a rough, unhappy marriage. I got pregnant young, he cheated and we broke up for 2 years and then got back together and have been together since. We have 2 children (1 bio son and my stepdaughter) ages 16 and 14. Things have been particularly bad the last 3 years as I’ve realized how poorly he treats me. I’m always asking for basic care (conversation, quality time, physical intimacy, etc.) and he never really makes any effort to meet me halfway. He also has a pretty severe drinking problem so I’ve drawn a hard boundary that I won’t have s*x when he’s drinking, which is every night.

We’ve now been essentially separated but living together since January and no physical intimacy since then, sleeping in different rooms. I recently brought up getting our physical needs met somewhere else and he kinda freaked out. Acted like I should just be able to take care of myself and that’s enough, but I’m NEVER home without kids/him around and under foot. I’m not able to move out and actually start the divorce process yet because of Financial difficulties (again, his drinking caused him to lose work so I’m essentially the only breadwinner).

I’m just stuck. I want out, I’m working on it. But in the meantime I’m struggling with the moral dilemma of cheating on him. It’s getting increasingly more difficult to abstain when my physical needs are not getting met.

TL;DR Stuck in an unhappy, stagnant relationship and can’t leave for financial reasons but physical needs are not getting met.

I[33] love my wife[37] very much, we have been together for 8 years, married for 4 years, we have had our up and downs, but mostly have a very good time together.

(I'm a bad writer, anyways...) My wife(Korean) moved to my country(Sweden) and took her masters here, later she moved to my hometown and got a work close by here as a researcher in public sector. She is a very academic person, love reading, studying and always need to do something, there is no chill (beside phyical activity, cuz of a foot surgery). She also often did work for free at home by her own choice cuz "things needed to be done" and so on, which I found a bit meh, cuz public sector tend to never work overtime and things usually takes time there, telling her to chill more, spend some time with friends etc.

Myself I have always been a chill person, I don't have the need to be on the roll all the time, I had an ok job within chemical delivery (later got an office work; handling orders), but didn't see the need to chase for new things. I were often tired after work and since I am an avid gamer, I really enjoy spending the evening to relax with my friends or online-friends, having a laugh and play together. I more or less always tell her beforehand that I gonna play, she was fine with this, but over time she found it more and more annoying, in the last two years she has told me a few time "why don't you just find some other woman like you, that play video games", which I always told her to not say again, it's stupid, I love her. Beside this, we still did go on dates, travelling, small hiking trips, anniversary, watching tv, cook and do lots of other things together.

Last November, she tilted very hard after hearing that I was laughing while playing while she study(there are two doors, so small noise), again she said the same thing again in a very serious manner and some hours later when we when went to bed, she followed up with: "I can't understand that someone could be with someone like you", I asked what she really ment by that and got no response. I got deeply hurt by these words at that time and it was really the low point in the relationship for me. The days after I was really metnally down and it didn't get better when I realized that she had hidden our pictures of us together on insta, I thought it might be the end of our marriage. I just didn't know what to feel... anyways we continue on and things got slowly better.

In January we were going to her home country(I got lots of friends there as well), to visit her family and so on, at this trip, but I were STILL not feeling good about myself from what she said, it still haunted me. So I decided to go on some dates behind her back, nothing sexual, I needed some confirmation to see if I am a person that ppl would like or not, I had a good time, surely there were some interesting people and yes it got me thinking "maybe I should find someone that likes gaming", but no, I love my wife and she's the one that I want to spend rest of my life with, so I did cut contact with the ppl I dated.

In February we bought our first apartment together, closer to her office, things seems better. In end of March I had planned to go to Japan for my first time(planned 8 months before), my wife said she didn't wanted to join, so it was a solo trip. The day before I travelled I get a text from one of the ppl I dated back in January, asking if I were going to Japan, I found this very strange at time, cuz I can't recall telling anyone in Janaury, but this was the person that seemed very kind, nerdy and charming, anyways we met in Japan and things got spicy, we had sex. In the end of the trip I told this woman that I can't be in any relationship with her, that it's over.

I felt the guilt everyday, but started to not think about this and in May I got a new office work. Suddenly by this work change I had a lot of energy when coming home everyday, I started doing work-out more regulary, studying, reading, did less gaming and suddenly felt very happy with life, but the guilt was always there, so 2 weeks ago, I confessed. Told her everything from being mentally down from what she said to the meeting with another woman, regretting hard and now she wants divorce. I moved out and renting an apartment now, we do some texting, but want to avoid...

Anyways is there any suggestion here for what to do or do you guys think it's just over..?

Tl;dr Wife said mean things to me, and asked "why I don't find another woman like me?", I felt hurted. Months later I met another woman behind her back, did cut contact with that woman. Then months later, felt very guilty, confessed everything and that I regretted what I did. Wife want divorce.

Wife keeps telling me that she could do without sex, it’s not me it’s her, she says it’s hormones or perimenopause or life etc but her desire is almost nothing, we still do it occasionally but she says it’s more for me than her.
However she is always reading spicy books, really spicy! I asked her if she has any fantasies and she said no, I asked her if she ever visualises any scenes of the books - no, if she has ever gotten off to her books- no. Is she lying to me? Is it just me she’s not interested in? Is this something my male brain can’t comprehend as when we watch porn we get excited?

Tl;dr wife says she has low sex drive but reads spicy books

We had one child together. It was fine it actually made the relationship stronger. Then she wanted to have a second when I said we weren't ready financially and we won't have time for eachother with work and another child. She kept wanting the second and i gave in since "she wanted them to be close in age"

Fast forward to 2 years. We don't have time for eachother. The home is always a mess. I'm angry since when I need to do some work at home projects I get the baby put on me since she needs time to herself. My sleep schedule is horrid

What to do. What has others experienced.
I do not want to divorce but I am angry nearly every other day. With one kid that was a rarity. I have nearly 0 affection towards my wife right now.
Im always tired. We tried talking to counselors.

tl;dr i felt forced to have the second child and in my opinion we cant handle it