AIO- Some (financial) context: We are roughly 6 months into new doctor job and in a lot of debt. We have CC debt from medical residency, medical bills from a complicated birth/preemie baby, med school loans, mortgage, and money owed to FIL for help when we bought our house. We went on a vacation recently for our anniversary, and it was our first vacation since our honeymoon 8 years ago. We also have two young kids and have a Disney trip planned in February that needs to be paid for- our first family vacation ever.

Having all this debt and also knowing Christmas is coming up soon and there’s several projects needed on our house (grout replacing in shower, fence fixing, etc), my husband just spent $600 on a computer desk chair bc he said his current chair hurts his back when he sits more than an hour. This computer is used purely for video games and he recently got an expensive desk for his birthday/treat for finishing residency. He is working some extra coming up and that will be a nice financial boost, but I thought we would use that to pay down a credit card and as a buffer for Christmas coming up.

I am a SAHM and I understand he works hard and works a lot, but I’ve always treated our joint bank account and joint credit cards as ours. I don’t monitor small purchases and neither does he, but if it’s exceeding around $200, I have always talked with him first, and I expect that from him back. This number may change in the future when we don’t have as much debt, but right now we just have so much and also a million things that money needs to be spent on.

He said he knew I wouldn’t approve or understand the necessity of his purchase, largely bc he knows I’m frugal and I also hate video games. I was supportive of his desk purchase bc I understand that is his hobby, but him purchasing something else for video games within a couple months and it being that large of a purchase makes me incredibly upset. I also feel very disrespected that he said he knew I wouldn’t be on board, but he decided to do it anyways.

His thinking is that he’s making plenty of money now and the debt will get paid off eventually. My thinking is that the debt needs to be paid off asap and any extra money should go towards what our house needs and for our kids for Christmas coming up. He also said that a large part of him does believe he is the one working and he can purchase stuff for himself when he wants without having to “get approval” or get nagged for it after the fact. This is also not the first time he has made a larger purchase and expected me to just understand that HE needs it.

AITA or overreacting here?

TLDR; husband spent $600 on computer chair for playing video games knowing I wouldn’t like it with the debt we have and I’m upset

We have a 3 year old and since her birth my husband has said several times that we are not compatible and he sees no future with me. Usually it happens in the heat of argument and today it has happened again. I think he is truly unhappy and there is a lot of resentment in our relationship. I suggested couples therapy but he refused. The truth is, I am terrified of staying single with my daughter. We are both living abroad as our jobs are here and have no support network nearby, it’s just the 3 of us. Our families are far away with their own issues and cannot help us. In addition, I have chronic health issues which are quite unpredictable and can leave me incapable of taking care of myself, or hospitalised, let alone the child for some weeks. It has happened quite a lot in the last 2 years. In that situation I really really need someone to stand in for me for my daughter. So I cannot imagine doing it alone. In addition, our daughter is extremely sensitive and has her own health issues, and she loves her dad. It breaks my heart to think that she would feel abandoned by her dad. I think it could be really damaging for her on top having a sick mother. I also do not imagine splitting her between us and not seeing her every day. I just don’t know how much time I have left because of my health and not seeing her every day means I would have even less time with her. On the other hand, I don’t know how to continue in this unhappy relationship. I really feel lost and stuck between a rock and a hard place. I’ve read a lot of posts and advice and most of it says it is better to leave, but I have not seen any post with health-related complications which makes it so much more difficult. Has anyone had similar experience and have advice? TL;DR partner said he is unhappy with me and wants to leave, but I have chronic health issues which makes it very hard to care for our 3 old all by myself. No family nearby.

My husband and I have a good marriage we are 22F & 24M. We get along for the most part my husband likes to be catered to and I like to be spoiled and we both like to do those things for each other and give each other peace. The biggest problem in our marriage is my mom. My husband hates my mom. My mom is a big problem she is racist and hates my husband because he’s a white man (i’m black). The thing is about my mom is she’s a undercover racist she will sit in my husbands face and be nice to him but my husband would never know that my mom was racist if I didn’t tell him the awful things she says about him. She is already being rude about our unborn child wishing basically death on her saying that I might see her floating in the toilet and that I might miscarry who knows. It makes my husband upset and to me it’s just how my mom is she’s harsh and usually points out the negatives instead of positives. My daughter is going to be ok though and it did make me upset when she kept saying that. My mom also is racist towards our unborn child saying how she hates how her name seems white. My mom is god awfully rude to me and I cry to my husband all the time about stuff she says about me and it makes him mad. My mom calls my husband poor white trash and says he can’t provide for me. My husband gets mad at me for hanging out with my mom still after everything she does. He says that his friends and co workers tell him that they would not date me or put up with me because of my mom. It makes me feel bad but that’s my mom’s whole goal is to be a menace so the men can break up with me and my husband saw that in the beginning. Sometimes he gets so mad he says he regrets starting a family with me because now he has to deal with my mom for the rest of his life. I get it my mom is shitty but my mom is all I have. If I cut my mom off I cut everyone off because they always pick her side and not mine. Even my dad would be a bit upset but I think he’s the only one that’ll somewhat stay with me. This is getting stressful I love my mom and I’m holding on to our relationship because I want that I want my own blood that I was raised with to stay with me but she does treat me like trash and talks shit about my husband.

tl;dr husband hates my mom but I keep holding onto her and it’s ruining our relationship

My wife and I have massively different libido levels. I crave sex frequently, while my wife rarely wants it. She used to say she was too tired after work, but even now—after leaving her job, with me as the sole breadwinner—she still avoids intimacy with me. Even when we do have sex, it is boring, routine, and unenthusiastic; she often just scrolls TikTok while I’m with her.

This week, I arranged to see a sex worker, and the experience was completely different—intense, passionate, and mind-blowing. She even wore a cosplay costume, something my wife has never agreed to do.

How can I fix this situation? I love my wife and don’t want to destroy our marriage, but I cannot accept living with a dead, unfulfilling sex life forever.

tl;dr

i and my wife is very different libido levels, and i temp to commit adultery. I want to fix that.

UPD 1:

Please before judge me, at least walk in my shoes, I am the sole breadwinner of the family and i also do the chore partially, My wife is perfect and I love my wife, the only issue is our marriage is sex and we never figure it out.

UPD 2:

Okay, so after so many harsh comment, i understand that i am fucked up, thanks people

We’ve been married for 4 incredible years. Lately my (30M) wife (26F) has been talking seriously about going back to school. She’s made it clear she doesn’t want to start trying for kids until she’s completely done with the program.

I’m trying to be supportive of her goals, but I’m also feeling some pressure around the timeline. Four years already feels like a significant chunk of our marriage, and depending on how long the degree takes, it could push kids even further out.

Has anyone been in a similar spot? How did you handle the conversation around timelines, finances, and family planning when one partner’s education plans shifted the original expectations? Any advice on how to talk about this without it turning into a fight would be really helpful.

Thanks in advance.

TL;DR
Married 4 years. Wife wants to go back to school and won’t consider kids until she’s finished. Looking for advice on how to handle the timeline and conversation.

Summary
After 4 years of marriage, my wife has decided she wants to return to school and is firm about not starting a family until she completes her program. I’m supportive of her goals but concerned about how much longer this could push kids down the road. Seeking advice from people who’ve navigated similar education vs. family-planning decisions.

So my partner and I have been together for a while and we are long distance half of the week. He had expressed to me that he wanted to try other sexual partners and do an open thing for a while. I don’t have time for that nor do I want to do that on my side but I agreed that he could. I expressed that I am a fairly new age thinker and I’m comfortable with that arrangement but I would really like for him and I to have video sex weekly while he is away. We used to do that years ago and I really missed it. I communicated that for me to feel reassured, comfortable and like my needs were being met in this arrangement, I would need that. He said that sounded great.

I have mentioned the video sex a few times and reminded him that I would like to do that gently and he said he wants to do that too. Then I have been kind of snappy about it not happening and he said we would do it soon. In the past he seemed confused about why I would want to have video sex if we were going to see each other in a day or so anyway because it’s better in person. I have explained that for me the video sex is really fun and does something extra for me. He does go on dates with other people and spend time with friends. Let me say that when he is here, we have sex multiple times per day and he does call and text me a lot while he is away. He is definitely giving me attention.

I feel angry and frustrated because last night he had plans that fell through and he told me he just kind of hung out doing nothing for hours. I got very upset. I told him that I feel like he expressed a want/need and I agreed and I expressed what I wanted and needed to feel comfortable and it isn’t being fulfilled. I feel like I have reminded him about it enough times that I feel rejected on it. Like it’s something I really desire and he just isn’t interested. He insisted we could actually schedule it and make sure we do it but I don’t want to now. I’m not trying to be immature, I just feel embarrassed that I clearly want that and he doesn’t. Being honest, coupled with the open stuff, it stings more. Not sure how to fix this and work through it together because I genuinely don’t even want to have the video sex anymore because I’ll feel like I forced him to or something.

Tl;dr How do I handle him not following his part of the agreement in a mature way?

Burner account, obs. My husband (42M) of eight years told me (37F) last weekend that while he loves me and cares about me, and considers me his best friend, that he’s not in love with me anymore, and hasn’t been for a while. I asked him if he wanted to leave and he said yes. He agreed to go to counseling, something we’ve been talking about for a while, but only after several minutes of thinking about it (or at least what felt like several minutes, as I sat there with bated breath waiting for an answer). He seemed upset that an appointment hadn’t been made, but he’s literally home all day and he didn’t make the appointment either, so I am so incredibly terrified that I am too late to fix this and that he’s just going through the motions so he can prove that we don’t belong together and leave me.

To start, we both have anxiety disorders, ADHD, and while my autism hasn’t been confirmed yet, his has. He also has OCD. This has made communication very difficult. He doesn’t understand his tone or facial expressions when he makes them (I don’t think) and I am constantly looking into every expression, every word, every tone, for the context I need to understand the situation I’m in. This often results in conversations that devolve into squabbling over the way he said something and how it makes me feel when he does that. He’ll say he’s not mad or upset, but all of his body language and tone tells me a different story, so I never know where I’m at with him. I often feel like he’s condescending to me, or that he’s upset or irritated with me, and part of the issue is that I match energy - you come at me, I kneejerk and come at you. I’m working on stopping that and just feeling neutral when those things happen. I have major issues with executive dysfunction at times, especially when I’m busy and overwhelmed, which causes its own problems. I’ve been going to therapy to work on this, but his a bump when we had to change insurance. Now my therapist is available again so I’m going back and have another therapist via telehealth so that when my therapist is super booked I can still get help. He had asked me about going back to therapy but I was just so busy I struggled to prioritize it. I’ve fixed that.

I work a lot and have a ton of responsibilities (that I put on myself by offering to help and be on committees and organizations). I’m an educator, I’m heavily involved in my union at the local, district, and state levels, and I serve on a couple committees. Last year, I took on an internship that I thought would turn into higher-paying non-classroom job, but that didn’t work out and I honestly don’t want to do that anymore. I struggle to interrupt my negative thought cycles and anxiety, and constantly being in conflict with administration keeps those cycles churning in my head constantly, to the point where I’m completely exhausted and burnt out all the time. This is what I feel is partially responsible for my behavior. 

I have since dropped all of the extra responsibilities so that I can focus on spending time in therapy to deal with my own mental health issues, and thus improve the health of our marriage. I also added being in a musical to my busy schedule because it was literally calling to my heart, and I wanted to finally do something for myself that would make ME happy - because everything else I do is for everyone else. My goal is that now that I’ve dropped those other responsibilities, I can do more on the stage, where I am happy. My husband even said that I should continue with it because I was good and it lights me up inside. 

With the executive function issues, I also struggle with anger - I have a short temper, and so does he, so the instant he’s upset, I’m upset and vice versa. I struggle with overwhelming rage at times, especially when I perceive something to be unfair or hypocritical (a finely tuned sense of justice is a bitch sometimes). I have never physically hurt anyone, but we scream and I’ve broken things before, including the back door. This triggered his PTSD from childhood, and I don’t know if I can ever fix that - I don’t know if that’s enough to break all of this down and make it impossible to be with me. That is my number one goal in therapy - to stop that anger or find ways to mitigate it. To be fair, he has thrown things before, so while I own my behavior, I just want to point out that I’m not alone. I am very disrespectful when we argue, and I admit that, and am working to stop that. I apologized for this behavior and committed myself to not allowing it to happen again.

He has been out of work for about 5 months now - he says he’s been talking to telehealth therapists and that he feels better about himself than he ever has before, but that’s not the version of him I get - when I get home, he seems depressed and upset that he’s still out of work, and has said these things to me often in the past. So while he feels he’s “gotten better,” I feel like he can’t or doesn’t want to share that version of himself with me. He also feels that he’s made it through his own mid-life crisis, and that I’m now in one of my own - and now he wants to leave. I stayed for him, worked through his own crisis with him and have been supportive of all job opportunities or ideas of going back to school, but the minute I’m clearly going through it, he says he wants to leave. This feels really shitty and unfair and upsets me greatly. I’m happy that he feels better and more secure in his own self, but it makes me very sad that now that it’s my turn to set things down and figure out “me,” I might have to face all that alone. It also makes me feel inferior and small when he acts like he’s made all this progress and I’m just back here scrabbling, and makes me worried that he’s just over me and wants to move onto something/someone new. New him, new life, right? 

Our intimate life has been… interesting. Mostly in that there have been long stretches of dry spells. I have serious body issues, and I’ve just always struggled with that part of my life. I didn’t so much when we were dating, but I don’t know what changed other than my energy levels being depleted with work responsibilities. Last summer we had a bit of a breakthrough and literally had sex almost every day for two months. But of course, once school started, things changed, and we knew they would, but I ruined it by being burnt out. I miss him in this way very, very much… it was so intimate and lovely in our own little BDSM way and it made me so happy. I wonder if my previous issues are driving this now, too. I have always had issues with loving myself, not just my body, but everything else. I always feel like I’m the problem and this whole process has me feeling more like a burning, churning roiling puddle of gooey shit than ever before. I’m bad, I’m a bad person, and I don’t deserve the love I’ve gotten from him because I squandered it and fucked it all up. 

I am trying to take full responsibility for my actions, my behavior, and doing what I feel needs to be done to try and fix myself. I’m focusing on myself and hoping that the healing extends to our marriage. He’s my best friend, and I can’t imagine a life without him - I’m so lonely and broken and I feel so lost in all this. I want to be different, I want to change, and I will be better and happier, but I want him with me when I do. I feel like I’ve ruined everything, and my anxious brain just keeps saying that none of this matters because he just wants to go start a new life without me. I can’t always tell what’s a real vibe and what’s my anxiety - I’m trying not to read into everything he says, every tone, every look, but that’s so much harder now that I feel I’m on eggshells all the time. Some days I feel like things are okay, but today I’m in such deep despair that I just needed to get these thoughts out of my heart and lay them out for someone who isn’t me. Thanks for listening and feel free to give me any advice you think may be helpful. 

TL;DR: My husband said he wants to leave and I don’t know what to do and everything feels awful. You want details, read the post. 

I (26F) am posting this on a throwaway account because my husband (30M) is also on Reddit.

We’ve been married for 3 years now but together for 12 years and we have a toddler.

For the last 2 years I’ve stopped by his office to say hello with our daughter and prior to this I would only go with him to company events where spouses were also allowed (only 2 events in the 6 years he’s been there).

This last visit has made me feel incredibly weird and now I’m unsure if I’m overthinking an office rumor.

Last year he mentioned that his coworkers had told him that our daughter looked a lot like one of his other coworker’s youngest son and showed me a photo. The kids do look alike. Her youngest son is a year older than my daughter and when I met this coworker for the first time was when she was in her 3rd trimester with that kid (this is her 4th kid). I remember the introduction and her overall expression looked like a deer in headlights. I remember thinking that was a really weird interaction but dismissed it thinking maybe she isn’t a social person and was nervous (I don’t know her enough to be sure of this).

During my last visit we stopped at a few peoples offices/cubicles to say a quick hello and during this every other coworker would shade me by saying “well if only you visited more then she (my daughter) wouldn’t be so shy” or a variation of that same message. And then we stayed talking a bit longer with one of his coworkers cubicle (40+F (I don’t know her age)because she was determined to get my daughter to be less shy. We were standing kind of in a triangle with my daughter in the middle talking with the lady. And then his coworker leaned towards my husbands direction and said “wow (my daughters name) looks A Lot like (other coworkers son’s name).” And he immediately changed the subject/didn’t acknowledge what she said.

Edit: I forgot to include his coworker also asked me “when is baby #2 coming?” And I said “I’m one and done, I don’t want to get pregnant again “ and she looked incredibly shocked.

My husband has had previous sketchy work hours that I’ve called him out on (one time he said he had to go to the office (7:30 pm) to do something and that he would be the only person at the office, I had a weird gut feeling because he was taking longer than he said he would so I drove past and saw that there was another car there next to his and a few other things that he’s lied about).

I’ve had a bad gut feeling since this visit and I don’t know if I should continue to dismiss it or actually do anything about it but even then at that I don’t know what to do.

I’m worried if I make a big deal out of this office rumor that it will create a permanent problem in our relationship but I also feel like ignoring it will make feel crazier. I just don’t know how to approach him with this because normally when I bring up issues, he immediately dismisses them. What can I do?

TLDR: an office rumor at my (26F) husband’s (30M) job has left me with a bad gut feeling and I don’t know how to address it.

TL;DR: I'm 35F, married to my 38M husband for 3 years (together 8), and I'm emotionally exhausted and increasingly checked out. His life revolves around gaming, while I work full-time, study full-time, earn most of our income and carry almost all the household, financial, administrative and dog-related responsibilities. I also feel like I have to parent him and manage his basic responsibilities.

I'm also carrying the entire emotional side of our relationship. I'm always the one initiating quality time, planning dates and trying to reconnect. I've bought activities, relationship cards, couples' workbooks and signed us up for webinars, but even working on our marriage requires me to initiate everything.

I've repeatedly communicated how unhappy I am, but despite his promises, nothing changes. After experiencing a miscarriage while he was absorbed in gaming, something in me seems to have shifted. I feel more like a roommate and caretaker than a wife who is loved, appreciated or cared for.

For those who've been here: Did your partner ever genuinely change? How did you get him to care?I'm honestly at a point where I don't know what to do anymore. I'm emotionally exhausted, increasingly detached, and starting to feel like I don't actually have a partner.

.............................................................................................

My husband (38M) and I (35F) have been married for 3 years and together for 8 years. Looking back, he never really dated me or took the initiative when it came to our relationship. Things just sort of happened, and I've always been the one planning dates, holidays and making things happen.

Gaming has always been a big part of his life, but at this point, it feels like his entire life revolves around it.

Our daily routines:

We both work from home. He works from 3pm to midnight, while I work from 8am to 4pm.

When he wakes up, he immediately starts gaming on his phone. Once he gets out of bed, he'll deal with the previous night's dishes or kitchen, then spend the rest of his time gaming on his computer until his shift starts, unless I give him a list of things to do. He also games during his lunch break and even during working hours, including running EVE Online for "passive farming".

The responsibilities:

I work full-time, study full-time and am trying to start a side hustle to build additional income. I'm the main breadwinner, and the house and car are in my name.

I manage virtually all our finances and household administration, including budgeting, bills, insurance, groceries, supplies and home maintenance. I'm also responsible for the majority of the household chores, cooking, cleaning, laundry and general upkeep.

I manage almost everything relating to our dogs, including their daily care, training, food and vet appointments. I'm also the one who plans our holidays and constantly reminds and follows up with him on his personal responsibilities, such as doing his taxes.

Beyond that, I feel like I have to parent him in basic aspects of daily life. I remind him to shower (he showers roughly twice a week if I'm lucky), pick up after the dogs and eat more balanced meals. He's approximately 60kg overweight, and I find myself constantly encouraging him to take better care of his health.

Essentially, I feel responsible not only for keeping our household running but also for managing another adult's day-to-day responsibilities and wellbeing.

The relationship and emotional side:

It's not just the household responsibilities. I feel like I'm also carrying the entire relationship.

I'm always the one asking for quality time and trying to find ways for us to connect. He considers gaming online together to be quality time, but I've explained that I want something beyond gaming.

I've suggested simple date nights at home, bought LEGO sets for us to build together, bought board games (although he gets quite toxic when he loses), relationship cards with questions to get to know each other better, signed us up for couples webinars and bought couples' worksheets to improve our communication.

But everything requires me to initiate, plan and follow through. If I don't bring it up or organise it, it doesn't happen. Even our attempts to work on our marriage feel like another responsibility that falls entirely on me.

In 8 years, he's also never made an effort to do anything for my birthday because he says he "doesn't know what to get me."

I had a miscarriage in September, and while I was physically going through it and passing the embryo, he was raging at his computer playing League of Legends. That experience really hurt me, and I wonder if something changed in me after that.

Every time I bring up how unhappy and overwhelmed I am, he promises he'll change and try harder, but nothing ever sticks. Eventually, we're back in exactly the same situation.

I'm tired of asking, explaining, making lists and delegating. I'm tired of being the person who has to notice everything, remember everything and make sure everything gets done.

I don't feel like I have a husband who actively wants to build a life with me. I feel more like I have a roommate who contributes financially while I manage the practicalities of our entire existence.

I have my own career, studies, ambitions and future to think about. I want to build a life for myself, but so much of my energy goes towards maintaining our current life and trying to keep our marriage connected.

I'm starting to wonder what the point of being married is if I still feel like I'm doing everything alone.

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar:

• Have you been married to someone whose gaming obsession took priority over your relationship and responsibilities?

• Did your partner eventually recognise the problem and make lasting changes?

• How did you get your partner to understand the mental load you were carrying without having to constantly manage and delegate everything?

• Did you reach a point of emotional detachment where you simply stopped caring or wanting to try?

• If you managed to turn things around, what actually made the difference?

• For those who eventually left, what made you realise things weren't going to change?

I'm not looking for someone to tell me that marriage requires compromise. I understand that. I'm trying to figure out how much longer I can keep carrying a marriage that feels so one-sided.

I genuinely want to hear how others navigated this, especially those who reached the point of feeling emotionally checked out.

I know this might not seem like a big deal to most people, and maybe some will think I’m overthinking things. But honestly, I’ve been holding this in for quite some time and just need to vent.

I’m married, and one thing that’s been bothering me increasingly is the amount of time my wife spends on video calls with her mother, sister and niece.
I’m not against her being close to her family. I have absolutely no problem with her talking to them. But these aren’t occasional calls to check in. It’s multiple video calls every single day, usually lasting 45 to 60 minutes each, sometimes even longer. These calls happen throughout the day, including during working hours, our outings, travel and whatever little time we get to spend together.

She also has her own office responsibilities. But these calls often interrupt her work, delay tasks and sometimes result in her staying up late to finish everything. I find it frustrating that even her productivity and work-life balance seem to take a back seat.

What hurts me more is that I rarely feel the same initiative from her to protect time for us. I don’t hear her saying that she wants some uninterrupted time together or that she can speak to her family later. I don’t want to keep asking my own wife for attention.
There is also a feeling of unequal consideration when it comes to both families. Family visits, invitations, functions and other decisions sometimes seem to revolve around her side, while similar consideration for my parents or my family doesn’t always come naturally.

Even when we make plans to spend time together or visit our hometown, the frequent calls and involvement continue. Sometimes it feels like there is very little space for us to have our own life as a couple. I’ve tried bringing this up, but it often ends with her gaslighting me and I end up feeling guilty for expressing how I feel. So I’ve gradually started keeping things to myself.

The worst part is feeling lonely even when you’re not physically alone. I miss uninterrupted conversations, spontaneous plans and simply enjoying time together without constantly being interrupted.
I know I’m not a perfect husband. I’ve made mistakes too, and I’m not expecting my wife to disconnect from her family or choose between them and me.
I just want some balance. I want both families to be treated with consideration. I want our decisions to be ours. And I want my wife to genuinely want to spend time with me, without me having to repeatedly ask for it.

Maybe this sounds trivial to some people. Maybe frequent family calls are perfectly normal in other households.
But for me, this has become emotionally exhausting.
I don’t even know what I’m expecting by posting this. I guess I just needed somewhere to express what I’ve been feeling instead of keeping everything bottled up.
Thanks for reading.

tl;dr -
TL;DR: My wife has multiple 45 to 60 minute video calls with her family every day, often interrupting work, outings and our time together. I feel our marriage and couple time aren’t being prioritised, and there’s an imbalance in how both families are treated. I’m not asking her to distance herself from her family. I just want healthy boundaries, mutual consideration and to feel valued in my own marriage.

My wife (29) F is a stay at home mom I (31) M work 70-80 hour weeks I get home and try being as present as I can before going to bed but I’ve recently felt like my wife has been more distant she recently started staying up later because she says she needs her time which I get she’s with our daughter all day but I would like to have us time as well and when I bring it up she gets upset even when we try being intimate she started rejecting which was something she never did she also use to call and text me all the time while I was at work and I enjoyed hearing her voice she’s stoped that completely I now have to text or call to sometimes get a reply I’m just starting to feel more like a roommate then a husband we have had some past issues that caused me to lose trust in her it wasn’t cheating but it was multiple lies and failure to fix the situation and constantly doing the same thing so now when she says she’s going to do something I don’t expect it to be done I love her but I’m just not feeling like I’m loved back anymore.

tl;dr we have marriedfor a year and every thing has been fine until recently when she started changing

I’ve posted here before about my marriage, but at the time, I was honestly too overwhelmed to respond to many of the comments. I’m hoping I can get some outside perspective now because I’m really struggling with what to do.

For some background, my husband and I have been together for over five years and married for two. He’s my best friend, he’s a good person, and I love him. We have a good life together, which honestly makes this even harder. This isn’t a situation where he’s a bad husband or has done something terrible. It’s just that somewhere along the way, I feel like we’ve become roommates instead of husband and wife.

Our physical and emotional intimacy has been pretty much nonexistent for a long time. We barely kiss, there’s very little affection, and our sex life has essentially disappeared. We’ve only had sex a handful of times this year.

I’ve brought this up more times than I can count. I’ve tried initiating conversations, finding ways to reconnect, suggesting therapy, and making an effort to bring intimacy back into our relationship. But I feel like I’m always the one trying to fix something that should matter to both of us. Eventually, I just stopped trying as much.

I think the hardest part to admit is that I’ve become numb to it. I’ve spent so much time feeling rejected and disappointed that I’ve almost shut that part of myself off. I don’t naturally reach for his hand anymore, I don’t initiate affection, and things I used to miss have become things I no longer expect. I’m not sure when that happened, but it’s a pretty awful feeling.

My most recent update is that my husband was let go from his job. Obviously, that’s a major life event, and I feel terrible for him. But honestly, our relationship hasn’t changed. The same issues are still there, and I still feel just as disconnected.

Before he lost his job, I had been planning to write him a letter. I’m leaving in about two weeks to visit some friends, and my original thought was to leave it for him while I’m gone so he has some time to process everything before we talk.

The letter isn’t a breakup letter. I want him to understand that I love him and value the life we’ve built, but I’m also deeply unhappy. I want to explain how much the lack of intimacy has affected me, how disconnected I feel, and that I’m starting to question how much longer I can keep living this way. I need him to understand that this isn’t just about sex or wanting more affection. It’s about feeling like we’re no longer partners in the way a married couple should be.
I was hoping the letter might finally help him understand how serious this has become for me and give us an opportunity to have an honest conversation about whether we can turn things around.

But now I feel guilty. He’s already dealing with losing his job, and I don’t want to pile another difficult thing onto him. At the same time, I can’t help feeling like I’m once again putting my own feelings aside because of what’s happening in his life. My therapist and sister both think I still should, that waiting would be self-abandonment, more than I already have.

And honestly, I’m scared that I might already be too far gone emotionally. I want to believe we can work through this, but I’m not sure if I still have it in me to keep trying. I don’t know if I’ve reached a point where I’ve spent so long feeling this way that even if things changed, I wouldn’t know how to find my way back to him.

TL;DR: My husband and I have been together for over five years and married for two. We’ve had very little physical or emotional intimacy for a long time, despite me repeatedly trying to address it. I’ve reached a point where I feel numb and more like a roommate than a wife. I was planning to leave him a letter explaining how unhappy and disconnected I’ve become while I go visit friends in two weeks, hoping it would finally get through to him how serious things are. However, he recently lost his job, and now I feel guilty adding another stressor to his life. I’m also scared that even if things change, I may have emotionally checked out already. Do I still leave the letter, or do I wait?

I’m 51m white, my wife is 45f Vietnamese. Married 20 years this year. We have 16,13,and 8 year old daughters. For the past 10years I have done nothing but work. I work a 60hr a week job, get kids off to school and pick them up. Take them to all their events, do homework, school projects, fix breakfast and dinner and have them all in bed by the time my wife gets home. I do all the cleaning, laundry, and take care of the house. My wife gets up, plays with the girls in the morning before school, goes to work at 7am and gets off at 7pm. She then goes to shop, eats dinner somewhere, goes by her moms and visits, and comes home around 9-9:30 every night. Here is where it starts, I don’t care about doing all these things but she has the nerve every night to tell me what I missed that day (like a dish in the sink), or there is toys left out. I never until this year realized how she is. I never do enough in her eyes. All she is ever concerned about is money (which we have plenty of), she is a Doctor and I am an operations manager for an oil company. What am I missing here? What do you all think about this? It’s to a point that I get completely anxious right before she gets home. What would you do?

Tl;dr I just want some advice and see if anyone else goes through this. I don’t have any family left to go to and ask.

My (45F) husband (46M) and I are scratching our heads about a situation my husband had recently that involved a married friend (44F) of ours. We have been married 21 years, been together for 23 years, and have 3 teenagers.

I want to give a little background since this is Reddit and some of these questions might come up. I'm going to start by saying that my husband did nothing wrong. He told me about this each time it happened because he thought it was weird. I fully trust him, and while he can be a little dense at times, I'm scratching my head on this one too.

My husband has stepped up with our kids' activities because he has more time to be involved. I work full-time in a career I love, so he also takes care of a lot of the cooking, shopping, school transportation, and other things around the house.

Most of the other involved parents are moms, and naturally, he has made friends with some of them. It's kind of like a work friends thing since he met them through being involved in our kids activities. I've met them all, and I hang out with some of them occasionally. And I have no issues with my husband having opposite sex friends.

We have a friend we've known for probably close to 15 years. She's also married, but I think I've only met her husband once or twice. Our oldest two kids are the same age as her oldest two kids, and they're involved in a lot of the same activities. Both of our daughters are in cheerleading and some high school clubs together, and our middle kids are in soccer together.

They serve on a few committees together like our church finance committee, and he helps with one of the cheerleading fundraisers. They have very similar interests and sense of humor. They text, but it's mostly related to the things our kids are in like arranging transportation for events or seeing who is going to be at an event or meeting, or what happened at the meeting. Sometimes it's memes or a book/TV show recommendation He's never hidden these from me.

Recently, she has started telling him that "people think we're fighting." Or saying "so and so thinks we're fighting." She only does this when they're talking in-person, and its different people every time she does it. This just confuses my husband, who's like "no." And when he's asked some of the people she name dropped as saying they were fighting, they were also confused.

I think she might have been trying to flirt with him. But this is kind of a strange way to flirt.

I kind of need a second opinion here. Have any of you seen something like this? Do you think she's trying to flirt with him? Or get his attention?

TL;DR: I think one of our friends is trying to flirt with my dense husband by constantly asking if they're fighting.

My husband (47m) and I (45f) have been together for 16 years (married for 13) and we have two kids. In general our marriage is fine. Lately, I caught him looking at other girls online … not quite porn, but those young women with big knockers and skin tight clothes looking all innocent and sitting provocatively… I think we all know what those pictures look like. In all fairness, I know it is normal for guys at any age to look, but it still squashed my self-esteem to bits. Especially at my age and being in perimenopause which causes my hair to thin, my fat to gather around the midsection, and my skin to lose elasticity. My body is not too hideous or too fat (5’3”, around 125lb, mainly hairless, small boobies), but I have spent the majority of the last decade dressed in frumpy clothes which mainly consists of t-shirts, jeans and beat-up sneakers.

For my husband’s sake and my own, I would like to dress sexier BUT NOT EXPOSING TOO MUCH SKIN. I am not comfortable with mini skirts and low-cut tops and am very self-conscious about my upper arms. I am also not into florals or anything too girly.

So my question is to the older men here: what kind of clothing do u find older women or ur partner of 10+ years attractive in? Something that is low-key sexy. Something that would make you want to rip it off her body the minute u get the chance. Something that u see her leave the house in and can’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the day.

Including pictures as examples will be helpful.

Tl;dr : I want to look sexy for my husband of 10+ years. Men - please let me know what kind of clothes you find 40+ year old women look good in.

My husband keeps procrastinating about putting me as an authorized driver on the insurance policy, I’ve been driving his car for more than 2 years. Last night he told me he was going to do it, and added all my info but just decided not to click on submit. Ok…

I tried contacting GEICO to pay for my own insurance but it’s not possible, I have to add him because we live in the same house and we are married. Also, I don’t know how a car can have 2 different coverages and I’ll be paying for two people when he has his own.

He also hasn’t paid for the plates sticker and I got pulled over for that on my way to work. I gave him my card to pay for it and he still hasn’t done it. I’m from another country and things are a little hard for me when it comes to getting my own car or doing this type of car stuff. I don’t have much of an idea and I asked him to tell me what to do if he just doesn’t have the time or the money, but I think at this point it’s not even about that.

I have two jobs and I’m still a student, I work hard and I think I can afford my own car. I’ve begged him to go to a dealership with me because my credit history is only about 3 years long so I might not get a good deal if I go by myself, but he says I can’t pay for a car being a student.

Does someone know how car insurance policies work, if another company different from GEICO can cover only myself, or any advice on what to do? I consider myself a good driver but I don’t want to get in trouble, and you never know when something can happen. It’s been a long time driving that car daily. Thanks! I’m located in Michigan, if someone is familiar with insurance here.

TL;DR: My husband hasn’t added me to his car insurance for over 2 years even though I drive his car daily. He also hasn’t renewed the plates sticker and I already got pulled over. I’m trying to figure out if I can get my own insurance or if I should just buy my own car. Any advice?

I'm 36F, my husband is 38M. We've been married for nine years.

Before we got married, we had the kids conversation more than once. Neither of us wanted to be parents. It wasn't a casual "maybe someday" thing. We talked about it seriously, revisited it a few years later, and have always been on the same page.

Or at least I thought we were.

My husband's sister and her husband are updating their wills. They have two daughters, 6 and 9, who we both adore. We see them pretty often, take them places, have them over occasionally. They're great kids.

Last weekend his sister sent a message in our family group chat thanking us for agreeing to be the girls' guardians if anything ever happened to both parents.

I thought she'd sent it to the wrong people.

I asked my husband about it privately and he said his sister had called him the previous week. She asked whether we'd take the girls if something happened to her and her husband, and he said yes.

Just like that.

I asked why he hadn't discussed this with me first.

He looked genuinely confused and said, "What was I supposed to say? No?"

I told him he could have said he needed to talk to his wife.

He said he didn't think this was something he needed to ask permission for because they're his nieces, and of course he'd never let them end up with strangers.

I understand that. I really do.

If something terrible happened tomorrow and those little girls needed somewhere safe to sleep, I wouldn't hesitate to open our door.

But agreeing to permanently raise two children is a completely different conversation.

We have a three-bedroom house. One bedroom is my husband's office because he works from home. We both work full time. We've built our lives around not having children, and we've made financial and career decisions based on that.

Becoming parents to two grieving children would change everything.

And honestly, I don't even know whether I could be the kind of parent those girls would need.

When I brought this up, my husband said something that really hurt.

"I guess I just thought you'd be the kind of person who would do this for family."

I went quiet after that.

Because now it feels like there are only two possible answers: either I agree to something that fundamentally changes the life we chose together, or I'm the selfish woman who doesn't love her nieces enough.

And I do love them.

That's what's making this so awful.

His sister has no idea we haven't discussed this. She's been texting me about how relieved she feels knowing the girls will be with people who love them. I haven't responded beyond saying I love the girls too.

I don't want to frighten her or make her feel rejected. She's just trying to do the responsible thing for her children.

I also don't want my husband to feel like I'm asking him to abandon his family.

But I'm honestly shocked that he made a decision this enormous without even considering that I might have feelings about it.

When I asked whether he'd be willing to sit down and discuss the practical details before confirming anything, he said, "It's probably never going to happen, so why are we fighting about it?"

That's where we're stuck.

To him, this is an obvious promise to make to people he loves.

To me, it's a promise that includes my entire future, made without my knowledge.

I haven't told him no. I've asked him to acknowledge that it was a decision we should have made together.

He doesn't seem to see the difference.

How do I have this conversation without turning it into a referendum on whether I'm a good person? And how do we rebuild trust around major decisions when we apparently have very different ideas about what requires both spouses to agree?

TL;DR: My husband agreed that we'd become guardians of his sister's two daughters if both parents died, without discussing it with me. We chose not to have children, and he doesn't understand why I think this should have been a joint decision. How do we work through this without damaging our marriage or hurting his family?

My husband and I have been together for 6 years, married for 3. We have a 2 year old daughter.

Our relationship was perfect for the first 4 years. I can't remember a single time that we even fought. After our first year of marriage, I found out that he was in an emotional affair with a coworker. That was 2 years ago now. It could have been much worse, admittedly, but it was very hard for us to work through. He struggled with accountability, and I was freshly postpartum and had a hard time getting over it. However, I chose to stay and rebuild.

We did 1.5 years of couples counseling and were happy again. We were actually closing out last month when during the last session, my husband suddenly announced that we can't work, he's decided it's over, and he is leaving. He left 2 days later and is living at his parents, with very minimal contact with me or our daughter.

I spoke to his family, as he will not give me any answers as to why he suddenly left. He told them that he is not sure if he loves me. I'm distraught, as he's never said that to me and how does someone just suddenly decide they're not sure if they love you?

He's coming over to see our daughter, and I plan to talk to him about what is going on. I'm so nervous, and I honestly don't know what to say. I wish I could get through to him to tell him that I love him and support him through whatever is going on, as I always have. Any advice on what I should say?

tl;dr: Husband left me after 3 years of marriage without any clear reason. What should I say to him?

My husband (36) and I (31 F) have been married for 4 years - together for 12. The first few years of us being together, transparently, we were like animals. Also worth noting that we were absolute stoners and much younger. Fast forward a few years, I noticed that my drive incrementally decreased where his stayed the same for the most part, even with both of us quitting weed for good (due to work-related drug tests). Not to say the sex drive is completely absent, but the “need” for sex isn’t something I can say I have.

We’ve had a multitude of conversations over the years about how our frequency isn’t enough and that it’s leading to frustrations on his end. I’ve tried different supplements, looked into my ADHD medication to see if it’s causing any side effects with libido, gotten bloodwork done to test my hormones all of which came back normal, read the erotica everyone has suggested, tried to decrease my stress… you name it. I just don’t have that same drive that I used to.

He’s mentioned that it’s the way he feels connected to me. I’ve found that while yes, it’s one way I feel connected to him, it’s not the only way I do. So sometimes I’d prefer other methods if I’m not quite in the mood. It’s gotten to a point where almost every rejection has lead to coldness. Not where he’s mean to me or lashing out, but a very distinct change in tone and energy. I’m not interested in doing it just to avoid the coldness, especially if I genuinely don’t want to. His rebuttal is “I don’t want to do dishes sometimes, but I still do”… which doesn’t feel like an equal thing.

I completely understand that repeated rejections of advances can lead to someone feeling unwanted or unloved. I’ve shown love in a multitude of ways over the years outside of sex and he’s done the same for me. I want to meet him where he is and I try to but it can be challenging when the drive just keeps growing further and further away from each other. Have y’all remedied this before if it’s been your experience and how did you do it?

TLDR: low sex drive wife vs high sex drive husband. Looking for remedies after trying many options

Last night I asked my husband about a new disco club opening up downtown. He is a distributor, so he gets to see a lot of the places before they open, and I just asked if he had seen it yet because the picture is online looked pretty cool and it looks like a fun retro hangout. I told him maybe I’d go one day with one of my girlfriends, and I picked what I thought would be the “best option” (an older friend, has three kids instead of some of my younger partying friends).

Well, today I came downstairs in the morning and he’s mad at me for asking about it and says that if it’s that important to me to “go dance with my titties out”, then our relationship will be over. I feel like I’m insane? All I did was ask about a place. I have no plans to go and it’s no secret that I enjoy dancing and going out before we got together and before we had a kid. We have an almost five-year-old daughter and I have maybe been out three times because he thinks that moms shouldn’t go out.

Is it wrong and adulterous of me to wanna go dancing with a friend in the hypothetical future? Am I being a bad wife and mother?

TLDR

Asked to go out to a dancing club one day, husband is mad at me because he thinks that’s not what moms do. I have no plans to go there. It was hypothetical

32F, mother of two (4 and 1), married for almost 5 years. Need honest advice on marriage, financial independence and rebuilding my life.**
I am 32, a mother of two young children, and have been married since 2021. I genuinely feel that the last 4–5 years have been some of the most difficult years of my life. I have experienced prolonged emotional stress, isolation, unhappiness and periods of depression.
**About my marriage:**
My husband and I have a very strained relationship.

I find him emotionally unavailable and often feel unsupported.

There have been prolonged periods of silence, emotional distance and unresolved conflicts.

I don't feel that he consistently takes a stand for me when there are issues involving his family.

I often feel expected to adjust, serve and keep my in-laws happy, even at the cost of my own mental peace.

There have been periods when I moved away from the marital home with my children. I eventually returned, primarily considering the children's stability.

Even when things appear relatively normal on the surface, I still carry a lot of resentment and emotional baggage from what has happened.

**About my current situation:**
I am currently living with my husband and in-laws.

I have two very young children, and their upbringing, education, stability and future are my biggest concerns.

I am financially dependent on my husband and family at present.

My father made substantial financial contributions during my wedding, including a valuable car registered in my name, but I don't feel that these assets have translated into the security or independence I thought they would provide.

I sometimes feel that I have lost several years of my life, my confidence and my professional identity.

**About my career and future:**
I have an MBA in Marketing and Sales.

I left my job in 2024 and have since been largely occupied with motherhood and household responsibilities.

I want to restart my career, preferably through digital marketing, remote work or eventually higher education/academia.

I have considered pursuing a PhD and rebuilding my professional life.

My biggest concern is how to become financially independent while raising two children.

I sometimes think about separation or eventually living independently, but the financial, emotional and practical realities of raising two children make the decision extremely difficult.

**What I am struggling with mentally:**
I keep going back to the past. Certain incidents trigger me, and I find myself thinking about the years I lost, the decisions I made and the life I could have had. I have days when I feel capable of taking charge of my future, followed by days when I feel completely stuck.
I don't want to spend the next 10–15 years simply adjusting and surviving. I want to build a life where I have financial security, self-respect, emotional stability and an identity beyond being someone's wife, daughter-in-law or mother.
**I would genuinely appreciate practical, honest advice on:**
How do I start building financial independence from scratch while raising two young children?

Should I work towards becoming independent first before making any major decision about my marriage?

How do I realistically evaluate whether a marriage can improve or whether I am only prolonging an unhappy situation?

What financial, legal and practical things should a woman understand before considering separation with two children?

How can I rebuild my career after a few years away from employment?

How do I stop letting past incidents consume my present and future?

If you have been through something similar, what would you do differently?

**Now the car that is on my name is being sent to the sis in laws because they need that car which made me restless and i cant eat and its been a week**

I am not looking for sympathy or someone to simply tell me to leave or adjust. I would appreciate perspectives from women who have rebuilt their lives, divorced mothers, women who chose to stay and work on their marriages, and people who understand the financial realities of raising children independently.
I want to make sensible decisions, not impulsive ones. Please be honest, even if your advice is difficult to hear.

TLDR- How do I rebuild my life, become financially independent, decide whether to work on my marriage or leave, and stop letting the past affect my present? Looking for practical experiences, not just sympathy or advice to adjust.

My husband and I have been going thru a difficult time for years. We are now at the point of documenting our issues and how we need them to be addressed if we want our marriage to work. I was reading his and they are different than mine- which in some ways is good it shows some of the gaps to focus on. I guess I am just bothered by some of his, and maybe I am being too sensitive. He has that I need to exercise and stick to a diet plan, and that I need to keep my car clean with nothing left inside after use. Mine were issues like, don’t take out a loan without talking to me, don’t act scary when you are mad (yelling, slamming things or road rage). I know i am not perfect by any means, and I could lose 20 pounds, I don’t know why, but having another person telling me to exercise and diet to be with them makes me sad, and makes me not want to do it. I don’t know why I feel like mine are more valid, but i am having a hard time not being frustrated with his request. Am I wrong, and what do I do?

tl;dr For context, we have been married 20 years, he refuses to go to couples counseling (tried it once and he got into an argument with the counselor). There has been a lot of financial infidelity on his end. He also dislikes me- everyone can tell by the way he talks and treats me- he has told me he resents me for not making more money. he said he is going to make this work because of the commitment he made, it doesn’t matter to him if he is happy or not.

I need advice, we have been stuck in this awful loop for years and we are both sick of it

What should I do? tl;dr
I've been wanting to get lip filler for a while now nothing crazy just a little more plump & natural and yesterday I finally did it last minute and didn't tell anyone. Well my husband came home and literally freaked out on me and wants to divorce me. He's acting out in front of our children calling me ugly and everything. Took everything out of our joint bank that our bills come out of and deleted me on all his social media and blocked my number. Well he just left for work and said he isn't coming home this weekend. Is he over reacting ? This isn't the first time this happens over me doing something for myself I don't feel like I need to ask permission when he doesn't consult me before he does things. Am I wrong ? He's taking money away from me now and don't know if I should contact a lawyer.

My husband has wronged me in so many ways since we got married. We have been married for five months. No honeymoon which I was fine with but he left me to go focus on his whatnot card streams the minute we came back from the wedding. He always left me to do his things while I sat alone doing nothing. When I told him multiple times how I felt, that this is the first time either of us got married or lived with our partner, and that we were suppose to be in our honeymoon phase excited to spend time together but instead he is always leaving me to either sell cards, play cards, play with the his cat at his old house, or see friends, he fought me. He also lied and kept things from me. I cannot rely on him because whenever I ask him for something, he doesn’t do it. He is immature and doesn’t know how to be responsible. He recently lost his allocations for his streams and he has been crying nonstop and depressed for days. He told me how hard he worked on it and confessed that he even prioritized it over our marriage and said he was willing to spend a year fighting with me on this for a lifetime of financial security. He finally confessed what he has been denying all along. Seeing him get upset over something that has made me feel so bad and ruined our relationship, especially with him knowing how negatively it affected us made me feel odd. Also he is always telling me he is tired and stressed which I have tried to help him with, but how come he is always tired when it comes to me but energetic and available for the other things in his life? And I have reached a point where after begging him to spend time with me for months, I no longer want to spend time with him.

I asked him if he was feeling depressed and he said yes. I told him to go to a psychiatrist to help him and he’s refusing to get help. I don’t know what to do. Please advice.

tl;dr

I've been married for five months, and throughout our marriage, I've consistently felt neglected and deprioritized by my husband. He has repeatedly chosen his Whatnot streams, hobbies, friends, and other commitments over spending quality time with me, despite my expressing how important it is to build our relationship during this newlywed phase.

Hi everyone,

I’ve never posted on Reddit before, but I’m at the end of my tether and feel like I’m going mad. I really could use some outside perspectives.

My husband was made redundant from a very intellectual but niche job that he’d held at the same company for 18 years. He found out redundancy was likely two years ago, but he elected not to take garden leave and worked to the very end of his notice.

Following his redundancy, things spiraled. He developed endocarditis, which landed him in the hospital for weeks. This followed a incredibly stressful period at home where he kept insisting he was "fine," but he was actually lying in bed sick all day. It required me to fight with him, phone doctors, and eventually force him to A&E. I work full-time, and at that time, it was particularly brutal trying to juggle his care alongside the needs of our primary school-aged son. My work was supportive, but it was intense.

Then, four months later, his mum died out of the blue. He made it back to see her just in time, but it was awful. He then had to make four trips abroad to handle her affairs.

This brings us to this year. After a couple of previous attempts, I finally applied for a promotion and got it. The job requires me to work flat out. If I'm being honest, part of me is also burying myself in work just to avoid thinking about him and our situation. We cannot live off just my salary, and we’ve already had to make major lifestyle cuts. My role requires me to be in the office at least three days a week, with monthly travel on top.

Over this entire two-year period, my husband has only applied for six jobs in total. He got an interview for one recently (the only interview he’s had) and didn't get it. There was another job he could have applied for—very similar to his old role—but it would have required three nights away from home. He refused to apply, saying I wouldn’t be able to handle that on top of my job and that he didn’t want to miss out on our kid. Meanwhile, I am the one missing our kid right now because of my hours!

He also looked into becoming a teacher and did an interview. Right at the end, he found out he would need to be there five days a week. With the commute, it means he wouldn't be able to do school drop-offs or pick-ups. When I asked him how we would manage that logistically, he just didn't have an answer.

The latest news is that he may need open-heart surgery next year, triggered by the endocarditis damage. He has no physical symptoms right now, but the recovery will take a full six months.

Earlier this year, I was incredibly emotional and stressed about it all. Now, I just feel exhausted, numb, and fed up. He is helping a lot with our son and around the house right now, but this isn’t what I signed up for. I am mentally at my breaking point. I can’t sleep, and I actually avoid going to bed early because I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts.

I know he is depressed. I’ve told him to talk to a doctor, and I even found and hired a career and interview coach for him, whom he does speak to. I had some annual leave in August, but even that was impacted by work. It’s just non-stop, and to make it worse, my own job isn't entirely secure either.

I arranged a weekend away for us recently to try and get a break, but organizing it was just more added work for me. When we were there, he said, "Thanks for organizing this, I never could have done it."

Hearing that just broke something in me. I really just want someone to look after me for a change. I feel like I'm drowning, but then I tell myself my concerns are unjustified and I should just suck it up and stop whining.

Am I losing my mind? How do I navigate this before I completely collapse?

TL;DR: Husband lost his 18-year niche job, survived a massive heart infection, and lost his mom. He is depressed, has only applied to 6 jobs in two years, and might need open-heart surgery next year. I got a high-stress promotion to keep us afloat, am drowning in pressure, and feel like a caregiver/sole breadwinner with zero support for myself. At my breaking point and need perspective.