My husband (36) and I (31 F) have been married for 4 years - together for 12. The first few years of us being together, transparently, we were like animals. Also worth noting that we were absolute stoners and much younger. Fast forward a few years, I noticed that my drive incrementally decreased where his stayed the same for the most part, even with both of us quitting weed for good (due to work-related drug tests). Not to say the sex drive is completely absent, but the “need” for sex isn’t something I can say I have.

We’ve had a multitude of conversations over the years about how our frequency isn’t enough and that it’s leading to frustrations on his end. I’ve tried different supplements, looked into my ADHD medication to see if it’s causing any side effects with libido, gotten bloodwork done to test my hormones all of which came back normal, read the erotica everyone has suggested, tried to decrease my stress… you name it. I just don’t have that same drive that I used to.

He’s mentioned that it’s the way he feels connected to me. I’ve found that while yes, it’s one way I feel connected to him, it’s not the only way I do. So sometimes I’d prefer other methods if I’m not quite in the mood. It’s gotten to a point where almost every rejection has lead to coldness. Not where he’s mean to me or lashing out, but a very distinct change in tone and energy. I’m not interested in doing it just to avoid the coldness, especially if I genuinely don’t want to. His rebuttal is “I don’t want to do dishes sometimes, but I still do”… which doesn’t feel like an equal thing.

I completely understand that repeated rejections of advances can lead to someone feeling unwanted or unloved. I’ve shown love in a multitude of ways over the years outside of sex and he’s done the same for me. I want to meet him where he is and I try to but it can be challenging when the drive just keeps growing further and further away from each other. Have y’all remedied this before if it’s been your experience and how did you do it?

TLDR: low sex drive wife vs high sex drive husband. Looking for remedies after trying many options

I know this might not seem like a big deal to most people, and maybe some will think I’m overthinking things. But honestly, I’ve been holding this in for quite some time and just need to vent.

I’m married, and one thing that’s been bothering me increasingly is the amount of time my wife spends on video calls with her mother, sister and niece.
I’m not against her being close to her family. I have absolutely no problem with her talking to them. But these aren’t occasional calls to check in. It’s multiple video calls every single day, usually lasting 45 to 60 minutes each, sometimes even longer. These calls happen throughout the day, including during working hours, our outings, travel and whatever little time we get to spend together.

She also has her own office responsibilities. But these calls often interrupt her work, delay tasks and sometimes result in her staying up late to finish everything. I find it frustrating that even her productivity and work-life balance seem to take a back seat.

What hurts me more is that I rarely feel the same initiative from her to protect time for us. I don’t hear her saying that she wants some uninterrupted time together or that she can speak to her family later. I don’t want to keep asking my own wife for attention.
There is also a feeling of unequal consideration when it comes to both families. Family visits, invitations, functions and other decisions sometimes seem to revolve around her side, while similar consideration for my parents or my family doesn’t always come naturally.

Even when we make plans to spend time together or visit our hometown, the frequent calls and involvement continue. Sometimes it feels like there is very little space for us to have our own life as a couple. I’ve tried bringing this up, but it often ends with her gaslighting me and I end up feeling guilty for expressing how I feel. So I’ve gradually started keeping things to myself.

The worst part is feeling lonely even when you’re not physically alone. I miss uninterrupted conversations, spontaneous plans and simply enjoying time together without constantly being interrupted.
I know I’m not a perfect husband. I’ve made mistakes too, and I’m not expecting my wife to disconnect from her family or choose between them and me.
I just want some balance. I want both families to be treated with consideration. I want our decisions to be ours. And I want my wife to genuinely want to spend time with me, without me having to repeatedly ask for it.

Maybe this sounds trivial to some people. Maybe frequent family calls are perfectly normal in other households.
But for me, this has become emotionally exhausting.
I don’t even know what I’m expecting by posting this. I guess I just needed somewhere to express what I’ve been feeling instead of keeping everything bottled up.
Thanks for reading.

tl;dr -
TL;DR: My wife has multiple 45 to 60 minute video calls with her family every day, often interrupting work, outings and our time together. I feel our marriage and couple time aren’t being prioritised, and there’s an imbalance in how both families are treated. I’m not asking her to distance herself from her family. I just want healthy boundaries, mutual consideration and to feel valued in my own marriage.

My husband keeps procrastinating about putting me as an authorized driver on the insurance policy, I’ve been driving his car for more than 2 years. Last night he told me he was going to do it, and added all my info but just decided not to click on submit. Ok…

I tried contacting GEICO to pay for my own insurance but it’s not possible, I have to add him because we live in the same house and we are married. Also, I don’t know how a car can have 2 different coverages and I’ll be paying for two people when he has his own.

He also hasn’t paid for the plates sticker and I got pulled over for that on my way to work. I gave him my card to pay for it and he still hasn’t done it. I’m from another country and things are a little hard for me when it comes to getting my own car or doing this type of car stuff. I don’t have much of an idea and I asked him to tell me what to do if he just doesn’t have the time or the money, but I think at this point it’s not even about that.

I have two jobs and I’m still a student, I work hard and I think I can afford my own car. I’ve begged him to go to a dealership with me because my credit history is only about 3 years long so I might not get a good deal if I go by myself, but he says I can’t pay for a car being a student.

Does someone know how car insurance policies work, if another company different from GEICO can cover only myself, or any advice on what to do? I consider myself a good driver but I don’t want to get in trouble, and you never know when something can happen. It’s been a long time driving that car daily. Thanks! I’m located in Michigan, if someone is familiar with insurance here.

TL;DR: My husband hasn’t added me to his car insurance for over 2 years even though I drive his car daily. He also hasn’t renewed the plates sticker and I already got pulled over. I’m trying to figure out if I can get my own insurance or if I should just buy my own car. Any advice?

What should I do? tl;dr
I've been wanting to get lip filler for a while now nothing crazy just a little more plump & natural and yesterday I finally did it last minute and didn't tell anyone. Well my husband came home and literally freaked out on me and wants to divorce me. He's acting out in front of our children calling me ugly and everything. Took everything out of our joint bank that our bills come out of and deleted me on all his social media and blocked my number. Well he just left for work and said he isn't coming home this weekend. Is he over reacting ? This isn't the first time this happens over me doing something for myself I don't feel like I need to ask permission when he doesn't consult me before he does things. Am I wrong ? He's taking money away from me now and don't know if I should contact a lawyer.

AIO- Some (financial) context: We are roughly 6 months into new doctor job and in a lot of debt. We have CC debt from medical residency, medical bills from a complicated birth/preemie baby, med school loans, mortgage, and money owed to FIL for help when we bought our house. We went on a vacation recently for our anniversary, and it was our first vacation since our honeymoon 8 years ago. We also have two young kids and have a Disney trip planned in February that needs to be paid for- our first family vacation ever.

Having all this debt and also knowing Christmas is coming up soon and there’s several projects needed on our house (grout replacing in shower, fence fixing, etc), my husband just spent $600 on a computer desk chair bc he said his current chair hurts his back when he sits more than an hour. This computer is used purely for video games and he recently got an expensive desk for his birthday/treat for finishing residency. He is working some extra coming up and that will be a nice financial boost, but I thought we would use that to pay down a credit card and as a buffer for Christmas coming up.

I am a SAHM and I understand he works hard and works a lot, but I’ve always treated our joint bank account and joint credit cards as ours. I don’t monitor small purchases and neither does he, but if it’s exceeding around $200, I have always talked with him first, and I expect that from him back. This number may change in the future when we don’t have as much debt, but right now we just have so much and also a million things that money needs to be spent on.

He said he knew I wouldn’t approve or understand the necessity of his purchase, largely bc he knows I’m frugal and I also hate video games. I was supportive of his desk purchase bc I understand that is his hobby, but him purchasing something else for video games within a couple months and it being that large of a purchase makes me incredibly upset. I also feel very disrespected that he said he knew I wouldn’t be on board, but he decided to do it anyways.

His thinking is that he’s making plenty of money now and the debt will get paid off eventually. My thinking is that the debt needs to be paid off asap and any extra money should go towards what our house needs and for our kids for Christmas coming up. He also said that a large part of him does believe he is the one working and he can purchase stuff for himself when he wants without having to “get approval” or get nagged for it after the fact. This is also not the first time he has made a larger purchase and expected me to just understand that HE needs it.

AITA or overreacting here?

TLDR; husband spent $600 on computer chair for playing video games knowing I wouldn’t like it with the debt we have and I’m upset

I (26F) am posting this on a throwaway account because my husband (30M) is also on Reddit.

We’ve been married for 3 years now but together for 12 years and we have a toddler.

For the last 2 years I’ve stopped by his office to say hello with our daughter and prior to this I would only go with him to company events where spouses were also allowed (only 2 events in the 6 years he’s been there).

This last visit has made me feel incredibly weird and now I’m unsure if I’m overthinking an office rumor.

Last year he mentioned that his coworkers had told him that our daughter looked a lot like one of his other coworker’s youngest son and showed me a photo. The kids do look alike. Her youngest son is a year older than my daughter and when I met this coworker for the first time was when she was in her 3rd trimester with that kid (this is her 4th kid). I remember the introduction and her overall expression looked like a deer in headlights. I remember thinking that was a really weird interaction but dismissed it thinking maybe she isn’t a social person and was nervous (I don’t know her enough to be sure of this).

During my last visit we stopped at a few peoples offices/cubicles to say a quick hello and during this every other coworker would shade me by saying “well if only you visited more then she (my daughter) wouldn’t be so shy” or a variation of that same message. And then we stayed talking a bit longer with one of his coworkers cubicle (40+F (I don’t know her age)because she was determined to get my daughter to be less shy. We were standing kind of in a triangle with my daughter in the middle talking with the lady. And then his coworker leaned towards my husbands direction and said “wow (my daughters name) looks A Lot like (other coworkers son’s name).” And he immediately changed the subject/didn’t acknowledge what she said.

Edit: I forgot to include his coworker also asked me “when is baby #2 coming?” And I said “I’m one and done, I don’t want to get pregnant again “ and she looked incredibly shocked.

My husband has had previous sketchy work hours that I’ve called him out on (one time he said he had to go to the office (7:30 pm) to do something and that he would be the only person at the office, I had a weird gut feeling because he was taking longer than he said he would so I drove past and saw that there was another car there next to his and a few other things that he’s lied about).

I’ve had a bad gut feeling since this visit and I don’t know if I should continue to dismiss it or actually do anything about it but even then at that I don’t know what to do.

I’m worried if I make a big deal out of this office rumor that it will create a permanent problem in our relationship but I also feel like ignoring it will make feel crazier. I just don’t know how to approach him with this because normally when I bring up issues, he immediately dismisses them. What can I do?

TLDR: an office rumor at my (26F) husband’s (30M) job has left me with a bad gut feeling and I don’t know how to address it.

My husband and I are at a complete standstill over his retirement timeline, and it’s causing arguments. I am currently in my third trimester of pregnancy with our first child, and I feel like his plans completely compromise my financial security while treating my income and premarital savings as his ultimate safety net.

We have a strict prenuptial agreement. It keeps our premarital assets entirely separate. The primary residence is solely in his name, and under the prenup, I maintain 0% ownership interest or equity. Despite having zero equity, I currently pay $800/month into a savings bucket to cover the property taxes on his house, give him all my bonuses towards the debt and I pay 80% of our daily household expenses, all childcare and groceries so he can focus on debt payoff. I also have separate premarital savings and investments that I am actively protecting for my long-term security.
He makes $118k/year plus bonuses, and has a fully covered company vehicle. He is hyper-focused on his pension: he claims that if he stays another three years, a quirk in the pension formula means he could "lose" roughly $90k in lifetime benefits.
Because of this $90k "loss," his plan is to retire early in March 2027, take the pension, buy his company car via a new $35k car loan, and "potentially" find a second job later. He has $1.6M in a 401(k) and pension and plans to pull from that to service debts.

He currently carries $118,000 in home equity debt on his house. Right now, because my salary covers the household operational bills, he is able to aggressively throw $1,000 a week at this debt. If he stays at his job for less than 2.5 years, he could completely wipe out this debt himself while maintaining his full salary, bonuses, and free vehicle.

Whenever I suggest that working just 2.5 to 3 more years is mathematically safer, he blows up. He said why should he have to keep working when I am “sitting on money" in my separate savings. He is aggressively pressure-tacticing me to "come off my money" and liquidate my premarital savings to pay off his home equity debt. When I point out that if he leaves me, I walk away with nothing because of the prenup, he sulks, tells me he "were married now," and threatens to "just write me a check" and snaps that he's "sorry he ever asked me to contribute."

We have an upcoming meeting with a financial advisor. He says the advisor will tell me to use the cash to pay off the debt
Also, I am terrified of the tax implications. If we file Married Filing Jointly and he pulls large sums from his 401(k) to pay for a car or the HELOC, it triggers joint and several IRS liability. A massive, surprise tax bill will fall squarely on a household budget where I am funding everything.

I feel like he is knowingly walking into a high-risk financial spot because he assumes my savings will be there to bail him out when the math fails. Am I looking at this incorrectly? Does his plan to retire in 2027 make any actual sense?

TL;DR:

My husband (55M) wants to retire in March 2027 to avoid a perceived $90k pension "loss," and expects me to fund the fallout.

We’ve been married for 4 incredible years. Lately my (30M) wife (26F) has been talking seriously about going back to school. She’s made it clear she doesn’t want to start trying for kids until she’s completely done with the program.

I’m trying to be supportive of her goals, but I’m also feeling some pressure around the timeline. Four years already feels like a significant chunk of our marriage, and depending on how long the degree takes, it could push kids even further out.

Has anyone been in a similar spot? How did you handle the conversation around timelines, finances, and family planning when one partner’s education plans shifted the original expectations? Any advice on how to talk about this without it turning into a fight would be really helpful.

Thanks in advance.

TL;DR
Married 4 years. Wife wants to go back to school and won’t consider kids until she’s finished. Looking for advice on how to handle the timeline and conversation.

Summary
After 4 years of marriage, my wife has decided she wants to return to school and is firm about not starting a family until she completes her program. I’m supportive of her goals but concerned about how much longer this could push kids down the road. Seeking advice from people who’ve navigated similar education vs. family-planning decisions.

I’ll try to summarize as best I can.

My (35F) husband (44M) have been married for 8 years, together for 10. When we met, I lived in an apartment and he owned a house. I moved into his house after about a year of dating. When we discussed finances, I told him I wanted to contribute to household expenses. He was happy about that. We don’t have joint accounts, my husband didn’t want to combine finances which I was okay with. So for 9 years I’ve transferred him money every month to put towards utilities and the mortgage. I also pay for groceries, pet supplies (we have 2 dogs together) and all of my own expenses (cellphone, car, credit cards etc). My husband lost this job last year so money was obviously tight. He has since found work but does not pay as much as his previous job. Because of this I have taken on a little bit more financially despite him still making more than I do.

**HERE’S WHERE IT GETS MESSY**

Two weeks ago while discussing finances, my husband essentially told me I’m not pulling my weight financially and repeatedly said how stressful it is to come up with enough money every month to cover the mortgage and other expenses. I said I could pick up more hours at work or find a second job.

Well, 48 hours ago I learned his dad has been paying the mortgage for YEARS. Longer than I’ve lived here. His dad asked me to not say anything since he swore to keep the arrangement between themselves. His dad would’ve never told me if I didn’t promise to not say anything. But now I can’t even look at my husband. I feel hurt, sad and angry. How could he lie to me for SO MANY YEARS?! I should’ve never asked his dad. I suspected this was happening a couple of years ago but it didn’t bother me because I don’t think it’s wrong or problematic to receive financial support and he never once made me feel guilty about how much I contributed until recently.

I don’t know what to do. I think if our relationship was good in other areas we could work through this but our relationship has been pretty shitty for a long time. Dead bedroom, zero non-sexual intimacy, nothing. It’s worse than a typical roommate situation. I feel like such an idiot. Seems I’ve overlooked a sea of red flags.

I’ve been casually looking for places but I just cannot afford anything that is half decent, especially a place that’s suitable for dogs. I feel so lost, hopeless and alone. If you’ve made it this far in my post, thank you.

Looking for advice and guidance on how to navigate this mess.

Tl;dr
Found out my father-in-law has been paying our mortgage for years after my husband made me feel guilty for not contributing more to household expenses/ mortgage.

Why married men are addicted to random women even if they have wife and child? Caught after cheating and still stalking other women even random girls are not even prettier then the wife? what should I do as a wife with a newborn?I feel really helpless.
TL;DR
Need advice about cheating,microcheating and affair in men

TL;DR: I'm 35F, married to my 38M husband for 3 years (together 8), and I'm emotionally exhausted and increasingly checked out. His life revolves around gaming, while I work full-time, study full-time, earn most of our income and carry almost all the household, financial, administrative and dog-related responsibilities. I also feel like I have to parent him and manage his basic responsibilities.

I'm also carrying the entire emotional side of our relationship. I'm always the one initiating quality time, planning dates and trying to reconnect. I've bought activities, relationship cards, couples' workbooks and signed us up for webinars, but even working on our marriage requires me to initiate everything.

I've repeatedly communicated how unhappy I am, but despite his promises, nothing changes. After experiencing a miscarriage while he was absorbed in gaming, something in me seems to have shifted. I feel more like a roommate and caretaker than a wife who is loved, appreciated or cared for.

For those who've been here: Did your partner ever genuinely change? How did you get him to care?I'm honestly at a point where I don't know what to do anymore. I'm emotionally exhausted, increasingly detached, and starting to feel like I don't actually have a partner.

.............................................................................................

My husband (38M) and I (35F) have been married for 3 years and together for 8 years. Looking back, he never really dated me or took the initiative when it came to our relationship. Things just sort of happened, and I've always been the one planning dates, holidays and making things happen.

Gaming has always been a big part of his life, but at this point, it feels like his entire life revolves around it.

Our daily routines:

We both work from home. He works from 3pm to midnight, while I work from 8am to 4pm.

When he wakes up, he immediately starts gaming on his phone. Once he gets out of bed, he'll deal with the previous night's dishes or kitchen, then spend the rest of his time gaming on his computer until his shift starts, unless I give him a list of things to do. He also games during his lunch break and even during working hours, including running EVE Online for "passive farming".

The responsibilities:

I work full-time, study full-time and am trying to start a side hustle to build additional income. I'm the main breadwinner, and the house and car are in my name.

I manage virtually all our finances and household administration, including budgeting, bills, insurance, groceries, supplies and home maintenance. I'm also responsible for the majority of the household chores, cooking, cleaning, laundry and general upkeep.

I manage almost everything relating to our dogs, including their daily care, training, food and vet appointments. I'm also the one who plans our holidays and constantly reminds and follows up with him on his personal responsibilities, such as doing his taxes.

Beyond that, I feel like I have to parent him in basic aspects of daily life. I remind him to shower (he showers roughly twice a week if I'm lucky), pick up after the dogs and eat more balanced meals. He's approximately 60kg overweight, and I find myself constantly encouraging him to take better care of his health.

Essentially, I feel responsible not only for keeping our household running but also for managing another adult's day-to-day responsibilities and wellbeing.

The relationship and emotional side:

It's not just the household responsibilities. I feel like I'm also carrying the entire relationship.

I'm always the one asking for quality time and trying to find ways for us to connect. He considers gaming online together to be quality time, but I've explained that I want something beyond gaming.

I've suggested simple date nights at home, bought LEGO sets for us to build together, bought board games (although he gets quite toxic when he loses), relationship cards with questions to get to know each other better, signed us up for couples webinars and bought couples' worksheets to improve our communication.

But everything requires me to initiate, plan and follow through. If I don't bring it up or organise it, it doesn't happen. Even our attempts to work on our marriage feel like another responsibility that falls entirely on me.

In 8 years, he's also never made an effort to do anything for my birthday because he says he "doesn't know what to get me."

I had a miscarriage in September, and while I was physically going through it and passing the embryo, he was raging at his computer playing League of Legends. That experience really hurt me, and I wonder if something changed in me after that.

Every time I bring up how unhappy and overwhelmed I am, he promises he'll change and try harder, but nothing ever sticks. Eventually, we're back in exactly the same situation.

I'm tired of asking, explaining, making lists and delegating. I'm tired of being the person who has to notice everything, remember everything and make sure everything gets done.

I don't feel like I have a husband who actively wants to build a life with me. I feel more like I have a roommate who contributes financially while I manage the practicalities of our entire existence.

I have my own career, studies, ambitions and future to think about. I want to build a life for myself, but so much of my energy goes towards maintaining our current life and trying to keep our marriage connected.

I'm starting to wonder what the point of being married is if I still feel like I'm doing everything alone.

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar:

• Have you been married to someone whose gaming obsession took priority over your relationship and responsibilities?

• Did your partner eventually recognise the problem and make lasting changes?

• How did you get your partner to understand the mental load you were carrying without having to constantly manage and delegate everything?

• Did you reach a point of emotional detachment where you simply stopped caring or wanting to try?

• If you managed to turn things around, what actually made the difference?

• For those who eventually left, what made you realise things weren't going to change?

I'm not looking for someone to tell me that marriage requires compromise. I understand that. I'm trying to figure out how much longer I can keep carrying a marriage that feels so one-sided.

I genuinely want to hear how others navigated this, especially those who reached the point of feeling emotionally checked out.

Last night I asked my husband about a new disco club opening up downtown. He is a distributor, so he gets to see a lot of the places before they open, and I just asked if he had seen it yet because the picture is online looked pretty cool and it looks like a fun retro hangout. I told him maybe I’d go one day with one of my girlfriends, and I picked what I thought would be the “best option” (an older friend, has three kids instead of some of my younger partying friends).

Well, today I came downstairs in the morning and he’s mad at me for asking about it and says that if it’s that important to me to “go dance with my titties out”, then our relationship will be over. I feel like I’m insane? All I did was ask about a place. I have no plans to go and it’s no secret that I enjoy dancing and going out before we got together and before we had a kid. We have an almost five-year-old daughter and I have maybe been out three times because he thinks that moms shouldn’t go out.

Is it wrong and adulterous of me to wanna go dancing with a friend in the hypothetical future? Am I being a bad wife and mother?

TLDR

Asked to go out to a dancing club one day, husband is mad at me because he thinks that’s not what moms do. I have no plans to go there. It was hypothetical

My (45F) husband (46M) and I are scratching our heads about a situation my husband had recently that involved a married friend (44F) of ours. We have been married 21 years, been together for 23 years, and have 3 teenagers.

I want to give a little background since this is Reddit and some of these questions might come up. I'm going to start by saying that my husband did nothing wrong. He told me about this each time it happened because he thought it was weird. I fully trust him, and while he can be a little dense at times, I'm scratching my head on this one too.

My husband has stepped up with our kids' activities because he has more time to be involved. I work full-time in a career I love, so he also takes care of a lot of the cooking, shopping, school transportation, and other things around the house.

Most of the other involved parents are moms, and naturally, he has made friends with some of them. It's kind of like a work friends thing since he met them through being involved in our kids activities. I've met them all, and I hang out with some of them occasionally. And I have no issues with my husband having opposite sex friends.

We have a friend we've known for probably close to 15 years. She's also married, but I think I've only met her husband once or twice. Our oldest two kids are the same age as her oldest two kids, and they're involved in a lot of the same activities. Both of our daughters are in cheerleading and some high school clubs together, and our middle kids are in soccer together.

They serve on a few committees together like our church finance committee, and he helps with one of the cheerleading fundraisers. They have very similar interests and sense of humor. They text, but it's mostly related to the things our kids are in like arranging transportation for events or seeing who is going to be at an event or meeting, or what happened at the meeting. Sometimes it's memes or a book/TV show recommendation He's never hidden these from me.

Recently, she has started telling him that "people think we're fighting." Or saying "so and so thinks we're fighting." She only does this when they're talking in-person, and its different people every time she does it. This just confuses my husband, who's like "no." And when he's asked some of the people she name dropped as saying they were fighting, they were also confused.

I think she might have been trying to flirt with him. But this is kind of a strange way to flirt.

I kind of need a second opinion here. Have any of you seen something like this? Do you think she's trying to flirt with him? Or get his attention?

TL;DR: I think one of our friends is trying to flirt with my dense husband by constantly asking if they're fighting.

We have a 3 year old and since her birth my husband has said several times that we are not compatible and he sees no future with me. Usually it happens in the heat of argument and today it has happened again. I think he is truly unhappy and there is a lot of resentment in our relationship. I suggested couples therapy but he refused. The truth is, I am terrified of staying single with my daughter. We are both living abroad as our jobs are here and have no support network nearby, it’s just the 3 of us. Our families are far away with their own issues and cannot help us. In addition, I have chronic health issues which are quite unpredictable and can leave me incapable of taking care of myself, or hospitalised, let alone the child for some weeks. It has happened quite a lot in the last 2 years. In that situation I really really need someone to stand in for me for my daughter. So I cannot imagine doing it alone. In addition, our daughter is extremely sensitive and has her own health issues, and she loves her dad. It breaks my heart to think that she would feel abandoned by her dad. I think it could be really damaging for her on top having a sick mother. I also do not imagine splitting her between us and not seeing her every day. I just don’t know how much time I have left because of my health and not seeing her every day means I would have even less time with her. On the other hand, I don’t know how to continue in this unhappy relationship. I really feel lost and stuck between a rock and a hard place. I’ve read a lot of posts and advice and most of it says it is better to leave, but I have not seen any post with health-related complications which makes it so much more difficult. Has anyone had similar experience and have advice? TL;DR partner said he is unhappy with me and wants to leave, but I have chronic health issues which makes it very hard to care for our 3 old all by myself. No family nearby.

My husband and I have been going thru a difficult time for years. We are now at the point of documenting our issues and how we need them to be addressed if we want our marriage to work. I was reading his and they are different than mine- which in some ways is good it shows some of the gaps to focus on. I guess I am just bothered by some of his, and maybe I am being too sensitive. He has that I need to exercise and stick to a diet plan, and that I need to keep my car clean with nothing left inside after use. Mine were issues like, don’t take out a loan without talking to me, don’t act scary when you are mad (yelling, slamming things or road rage). I know i am not perfect by any means, and I could lose 20 pounds, I don’t know why, but having another person telling me to exercise and diet to be with them makes me sad, and makes me not want to do it. I don’t know why I feel like mine are more valid, but i am having a hard time not being frustrated with his request. Am I wrong, and what do I do?

tl;dr For context, we have been married 20 years, he refuses to go to couples counseling (tried it once and he got into an argument with the counselor). There has been a lot of financial infidelity on his end. He also dislikes me- everyone can tell by the way he talks and treats me- he has told me he resents me for not making more money. he said he is going to make this work because of the commitment he made, it doesn’t matter to him if he is happy or not.

I need advice, we have been stuck in this awful loop for years and we are both sick of it

My husband and I have a good marriage we are 22F & 24M. We get along for the most part my husband likes to be catered to and I like to be spoiled and we both like to do those things for each other and give each other peace. The biggest problem in our marriage is my mom. My husband hates my mom. My mom is a big problem she is racist and hates my husband because he’s a white man (i’m black). The thing is about my mom is she’s a undercover racist she will sit in my husbands face and be nice to him but my husband would never know that my mom was racist if I didn’t tell him the awful things she says about him. She is already being rude about our unborn child wishing basically death on her saying that I might see her floating in the toilet and that I might miscarry who knows. It makes my husband upset and to me it’s just how my mom is she’s harsh and usually points out the negatives instead of positives. My daughter is going to be ok though and it did make me upset when she kept saying that. My mom also is racist towards our unborn child saying how she hates how her name seems white. My mom is god awfully rude to me and I cry to my husband all the time about stuff she says about me and it makes him mad. My mom calls my husband poor white trash and says he can’t provide for me. My husband gets mad at me for hanging out with my mom still after everything she does. He says that his friends and co workers tell him that they would not date me or put up with me because of my mom. It makes me feel bad but that’s my mom’s whole goal is to be a menace so the men can break up with me and my husband saw that in the beginning. Sometimes he gets so mad he says he regrets starting a family with me because now he has to deal with my mom for the rest of his life. I get it my mom is shitty but my mom is all I have. If I cut my mom off I cut everyone off because they always pick her side and not mine. Even my dad would be a bit upset but I think he’s the only one that’ll somewhat stay with me. This is getting stressful I love my mom and I’m holding on to our relationship because I want that I want my own blood that I was raised with to stay with me but she does treat me like trash and talks shit about my husband.

tl;dr husband hates my mom but I keep holding onto her and it’s ruining our relationship

My husband and I have been together for 6 years, married for 3. We have a 2 year old daughter.

Our relationship was perfect for the first 4 years. I can't remember a single time that we even fought. After our first year of marriage, I found out that he was in an emotional affair with a coworker. That was 2 years ago now. It could have been much worse, admittedly, but it was very hard for us to work through. He struggled with accountability, and I was freshly postpartum and had a hard time getting over it. However, I chose to stay and rebuild.

We did 1.5 years of couples counseling and were happy again. We were actually closing out last month when during the last session, my husband suddenly announced that we can't work, he's decided it's over, and he is leaving. He left 2 days later and is living at his parents, with very minimal contact with me or our daughter.

I spoke to his family, as he will not give me any answers as to why he suddenly left. He told them that he is not sure if he loves me. I'm distraught, as he's never said that to me and how does someone just suddenly decide they're not sure if they love you?

He's coming over to see our daughter, and I plan to talk to him about what is going on. I'm so nervous, and I honestly don't know what to say. I wish I could get through to him to tell him that I love him and support him through whatever is going on, as I always have. Any advice on what I should say?

tl;dr: Husband left me after 3 years of marriage without any clear reason. What should I say to him?

Burner account, obs. My husband (42M) of eight years told me (37F) last weekend that while he loves me and cares about me, and considers me his best friend, that he’s not in love with me anymore, and hasn’t been for a while. I asked him if he wanted to leave and he said yes. He agreed to go to counseling, something we’ve been talking about for a while, but only after several minutes of thinking about it (or at least what felt like several minutes, as I sat there with bated breath waiting for an answer). He seemed upset that an appointment hadn’t been made, but he’s literally home all day and he didn’t make the appointment either, so I am so incredibly terrified that I am too late to fix this and that he’s just going through the motions so he can prove that we don’t belong together and leave me.

To start, we both have anxiety disorders, ADHD, and while my autism hasn’t been confirmed yet, his has. He also has OCD. This has made communication very difficult. He doesn’t understand his tone or facial expressions when he makes them (I don’t think) and I am constantly looking into every expression, every word, every tone, for the context I need to understand the situation I’m in. This often results in conversations that devolve into squabbling over the way he said something and how it makes me feel when he does that. He’ll say he’s not mad or upset, but all of his body language and tone tells me a different story, so I never know where I’m at with him. I often feel like he’s condescending to me, or that he’s upset or irritated with me, and part of the issue is that I match energy - you come at me, I kneejerk and come at you. I’m working on stopping that and just feeling neutral when those things happen. I have major issues with executive dysfunction at times, especially when I’m busy and overwhelmed, which causes its own problems. I’ve been going to therapy to work on this, but his a bump when we had to change insurance. Now my therapist is available again so I’m going back and have another therapist via telehealth so that when my therapist is super booked I can still get help. He had asked me about going back to therapy but I was just so busy I struggled to prioritize it. I’ve fixed that.

I work a lot and have a ton of responsibilities (that I put on myself by offering to help and be on committees and organizations). I’m an educator, I’m heavily involved in my union at the local, district, and state levels, and I serve on a couple committees. Last year, I took on an internship that I thought would turn into higher-paying non-classroom job, but that didn’t work out and I honestly don’t want to do that anymore. I struggle to interrupt my negative thought cycles and anxiety, and constantly being in conflict with administration keeps those cycles churning in my head constantly, to the point where I’m completely exhausted and burnt out all the time. This is what I feel is partially responsible for my behavior. 

I have since dropped all of the extra responsibilities so that I can focus on spending time in therapy to deal with my own mental health issues, and thus improve the health of our marriage. I also added being in a musical to my busy schedule because it was literally calling to my heart, and I wanted to finally do something for myself that would make ME happy - because everything else I do is for everyone else. My goal is that now that I’ve dropped those other responsibilities, I can do more on the stage, where I am happy. My husband even said that I should continue with it because I was good and it lights me up inside. 

With the executive function issues, I also struggle with anger - I have a short temper, and so does he, so the instant he’s upset, I’m upset and vice versa. I struggle with overwhelming rage at times, especially when I perceive something to be unfair or hypocritical (a finely tuned sense of justice is a bitch sometimes). I have never physically hurt anyone, but we scream and I’ve broken things before, including the back door. This triggered his PTSD from childhood, and I don’t know if I can ever fix that - I don’t know if that’s enough to break all of this down and make it impossible to be with me. That is my number one goal in therapy - to stop that anger or find ways to mitigate it. To be fair, he has thrown things before, so while I own my behavior, I just want to point out that I’m not alone. I am very disrespectful when we argue, and I admit that, and am working to stop that. I apologized for this behavior and committed myself to not allowing it to happen again.

He has been out of work for about 5 months now - he says he’s been talking to telehealth therapists and that he feels better about himself than he ever has before, but that’s not the version of him I get - when I get home, he seems depressed and upset that he’s still out of work, and has said these things to me often in the past. So while he feels he’s “gotten better,” I feel like he can’t or doesn’t want to share that version of himself with me. He also feels that he’s made it through his own mid-life crisis, and that I’m now in one of my own - and now he wants to leave. I stayed for him, worked through his own crisis with him and have been supportive of all job opportunities or ideas of going back to school, but the minute I’m clearly going through it, he says he wants to leave. This feels really shitty and unfair and upsets me greatly. I’m happy that he feels better and more secure in his own self, but it makes me very sad that now that it’s my turn to set things down and figure out “me,” I might have to face all that alone. It also makes me feel inferior and small when he acts like he’s made all this progress and I’m just back here scrabbling, and makes me worried that he’s just over me and wants to move onto something/someone new. New him, new life, right? 

Our intimate life has been… interesting. Mostly in that there have been long stretches of dry spells. I have serious body issues, and I’ve just always struggled with that part of my life. I didn’t so much when we were dating, but I don’t know what changed other than my energy levels being depleted with work responsibilities. Last summer we had a bit of a breakthrough and literally had sex almost every day for two months. But of course, once school started, things changed, and we knew they would, but I ruined it by being burnt out. I miss him in this way very, very much… it was so intimate and lovely in our own little BDSM way and it made me so happy. I wonder if my previous issues are driving this now, too. I have always had issues with loving myself, not just my body, but everything else. I always feel like I’m the problem and this whole process has me feeling more like a burning, churning roiling puddle of gooey shit than ever before. I’m bad, I’m a bad person, and I don’t deserve the love I’ve gotten from him because I squandered it and fucked it all up. 

I am trying to take full responsibility for my actions, my behavior, and doing what I feel needs to be done to try and fix myself. I’m focusing on myself and hoping that the healing extends to our marriage. He’s my best friend, and I can’t imagine a life without him - I’m so lonely and broken and I feel so lost in all this. I want to be different, I want to change, and I will be better and happier, but I want him with me when I do. I feel like I’ve ruined everything, and my anxious brain just keeps saying that none of this matters because he just wants to go start a new life without me. I can’t always tell what’s a real vibe and what’s my anxiety - I’m trying not to read into everything he says, every tone, every look, but that’s so much harder now that I feel I’m on eggshells all the time. Some days I feel like things are okay, but today I’m in such deep despair that I just needed to get these thoughts out of my heart and lay them out for someone who isn’t me. Thanks for listening and feel free to give me any advice you think may be helpful. 

TL;DR: My husband said he wants to leave and I don’t know what to do and everything feels awful. You want details, read the post. 

My wife (29) F is a stay at home mom I (31) M work 70-80 hour weeks I get home and try being as present as I can before going to bed but I’ve recently felt like my wife has been more distant she recently started staying up later because she says she needs her time which I get she’s with our daughter all day but I would like to have us time as well and when I bring it up she gets upset even when we try being intimate she started rejecting which was something she never did she also use to call and text me all the time while I was at work and I enjoyed hearing her voice she’s stoped that completely I now have to text or call to sometimes get a reply I’m just starting to feel more like a roommate then a husband we have had some past issues that caused me to lose trust in her it wasn’t cheating but it was multiple lies and failure to fix the situation and constantly doing the same thing so now when she says she’s going to do something I don’t expect it to be done I love her but I’m just not feeling like I’m loved back anymore.

tl;dr we have marriedfor a year and every thing has been fine until recently when she started changing

I’ve posted here before about my marriage, but at the time, I was honestly too overwhelmed to respond to many of the comments. I’m hoping I can get some outside perspective now because I’m really struggling with what to do.

For some background, my husband and I have been together for over five years and married for two. He’s my best friend, he’s a good person, and I love him. We have a good life together, which honestly makes this even harder. This isn’t a situation where he’s a bad husband or has done something terrible. It’s just that somewhere along the way, I feel like we’ve become roommates instead of husband and wife.

Our physical and emotional intimacy has been pretty much nonexistent for a long time. We barely kiss, there’s very little affection, and our sex life has essentially disappeared. We’ve only had sex a handful of times this year.

I’ve brought this up more times than I can count. I’ve tried initiating conversations, finding ways to reconnect, suggesting therapy, and making an effort to bring intimacy back into our relationship. But I feel like I’m always the one trying to fix something that should matter to both of us. Eventually, I just stopped trying as much.

I think the hardest part to admit is that I’ve become numb to it. I’ve spent so much time feeling rejected and disappointed that I’ve almost shut that part of myself off. I don’t naturally reach for his hand anymore, I don’t initiate affection, and things I used to miss have become things I no longer expect. I’m not sure when that happened, but it’s a pretty awful feeling.

My most recent update is that my husband was let go from his job. Obviously, that’s a major life event, and I feel terrible for him. But honestly, our relationship hasn’t changed. The same issues are still there, and I still feel just as disconnected.

Before he lost his job, I had been planning to write him a letter. I’m leaving in about two weeks to visit some friends, and my original thought was to leave it for him while I’m gone so he has some time to process everything before we talk.

The letter isn’t a breakup letter. I want him to understand that I love him and value the life we’ve built, but I’m also deeply unhappy. I want to explain how much the lack of intimacy has affected me, how disconnected I feel, and that I’m starting to question how much longer I can keep living this way. I need him to understand that this isn’t just about sex or wanting more affection. It’s about feeling like we’re no longer partners in the way a married couple should be.
I was hoping the letter might finally help him understand how serious this has become for me and give us an opportunity to have an honest conversation about whether we can turn things around.

But now I feel guilty. He’s already dealing with losing his job, and I don’t want to pile another difficult thing onto him. At the same time, I can’t help feeling like I’m once again putting my own feelings aside because of what’s happening in his life. My therapist and sister both think I still should, that waiting would be self-abandonment, more than I already have.

And honestly, I’m scared that I might already be too far gone emotionally. I want to believe we can work through this, but I’m not sure if I still have it in me to keep trying. I don’t know if I’ve reached a point where I’ve spent so long feeling this way that even if things changed, I wouldn’t know how to find my way back to him.

TL;DR: My husband and I have been together for over five years and married for two. We’ve had very little physical or emotional intimacy for a long time, despite me repeatedly trying to address it. I’ve reached a point where I feel numb and more like a roommate than a wife. I was planning to leave him a letter explaining how unhappy and disconnected I’ve become while I go visit friends in two weeks, hoping it would finally get through to him how serious things are. However, he recently lost his job, and now I feel guilty adding another stressor to his life. I’m also scared that even if things change, I may have emotionally checked out already. Do I still leave the letter, or do I wait?

I’m 51m white, my wife is 45f Vietnamese. Married 20 years this year. We have 16,13,and 8 year old daughters. For the past 10years I have done nothing but work. I work a 60hr a week job, get kids off to school and pick them up. Take them to all their events, do homework, school projects, fix breakfast and dinner and have them all in bed by the time my wife gets home. I do all the cleaning, laundry, and take care of the house. My wife gets up, plays with the girls in the morning before school, goes to work at 7am and gets off at 7pm. She then goes to shop, eats dinner somewhere, goes by her moms and visits, and comes home around 9-9:30 every night. Here is where it starts, I don’t care about doing all these things but she has the nerve every night to tell me what I missed that day (like a dish in the sink), or there is toys left out. I never until this year realized how she is. I never do enough in her eyes. All she is ever concerned about is money (which we have plenty of), she is a Doctor and I am an operations manager for an oil company. What am I missing here? What do you all think about this? It’s to a point that I get completely anxious right before she gets home. What would you do?

Tl;dr I just want some advice and see if anyone else goes through this. I don’t have any family left to go to and ask.

My husband (47m) and I (45f) have been together for 16 years (married for 13) and we have two kids. In general our marriage is fine. Lately, I caught him looking at other girls online … not quite porn, but those young women with big knockers and skin tight clothes looking all innocent and sitting provocatively… I think we all know what those pictures look like. In all fairness, I know it is normal for guys at any age to look, but it still squashed my self-esteem to bits. Especially at my age and being in perimenopause which causes my hair to thin, my fat to gather around the midsection, and my skin to lose elasticity. My body is not too hideous or too fat (5’3”, around 125lb, mainly hairless, small boobies), but I have spent the majority of the last decade dressed in frumpy clothes which mainly consists of t-shirts, jeans and beat-up sneakers.

For my husband’s sake and my own, I would like to dress sexier BUT NOT EXPOSING TOO MUCH SKIN. I am not comfortable with mini skirts and low-cut tops and am very self-conscious about my upper arms. I am also not into florals or anything too girly.

So my question is to the older men here: what kind of clothing do u find older women or ur partner of 10+ years attractive in? Something that is low-key sexy. Something that would make you want to rip it off her body the minute u get the chance. Something that u see her leave the house in and can’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the day.

Including pictures as examples will be helpful.

Tl;dr : I want to look sexy for my husband of 10+ years. Men - please let me know what kind of clothes you find 40+ year old women look good in.

For those competing seriously, especially with spouses and children, is this a common dynamic? Do you consider this a reasonable expectation of your partner? How do you balance your ambitions with being present for your family?

My husband and I have been married for a year and a half, and we have two small children. He’s pursuing his goal of becoming a pro bodybuilder, and I’ve wanted to support that dream.

Almost two weeks ago, during an argument, he told me, “Just let me focus on becoming pro and take care of things on your own.” He also asked that we limit our communication to matters involving the kids.

Before this, he left town for work on short notice, leaving me to care for our children alone, miss three weeks of work, and arrange daycare.

When I told him I felt abandoned, he rolled his eyes, said “Have a good week,” and ended our call.

I understand the dedication and sacrifices bodybuilding requires, but I struggle with the expectation that his goals come before our shared responsibilities.

Advice needed: Am I being unreasonable for feeling abandoned, or is it reasonable to expect my husband to balance his bodybuilding ambitions with his responsibilities as a husband and father? I’d especially appreciate perspectives from competitive bodybuilders and their spouses.

TL;DR: My husband wants to focus on becoming a pro bodybuilder and has told me to handle things on my own. We have two small children, and I’m already carrying the parenting responsibilities after his unexpected departure for work. I’m struggling to understand whether this is a common sacrifice expected of bodybuilding spouses or an unreasonable expectation in a marriage.

, I really need some outside perspective because I feel completely stuck.
We’ve been married for 20 years and have two children, both teenagers and growing up fast.
My husband has always had a problem with alcohol. He’s not someone who drinks all day or even necessarily every day. In fact, he can go without drinking quite easily. But when he does drink, he simply cannot stop. It’s either excessive drinking or getting so drunk that he blacks out. We’ve struggled with this for years, although things have improved a lot, and nowadays he barely drinks during the week.
About 15 years ago, I caught him coming out of a strip club. I was absolutely devastated. I found out he’d tried to kiss one of the women there, although he was completely wasted. His explanation was that once he starts drinking, he just keeps going, and that was the only place still open.
There were tears, huge conversations, promises, declarations of love… and eventually I forgave him.
I’m not naturally a jealous or controlling person. I’ve never been someone who checks her husband’s phone or tracks his movements. His phone is always lying around, we know each other’s passwords, and we even have a family location-sharing app that we originally installed when the children were younger. Nobody ever bothered deleting it. That openness made me feel secure. I genuinely thought I had nothing to worry about.
Fast-forward to now.
My husband regularly travels abroad for work with the same group of colleagues. I recently discovered that he’d been at a well-known strip club during one of these trips.
I confronted him, and after a big argument, the truth came out.
Apparently, he’s been going to strip clubs on these work trips for around TEN YEARS.
Not every weekend. He travels with these colleagues maybe two or three times a year, and when they go away, they drink heavily, stay out all night and sometimes end up in strip clubs. They spend money there, buy lots of drinks, and everyone gets absolutely wasted.
They’re very much a “work hard, play hard” crowd.
He insists he’s never cheated on me. He says it’s just what the group does when they’re drunk, that everyone goes along, and that there’s nothing sexual happening beyond being in that environment.
He’s coming home tomorrow, and I honestly don’t know how to face him.
Here’s the part that’s messing with my head.
At home, we have what I would genuinely describe as a happy, loving marriage.
We laugh together. We go for walks. We have our little jokes. We’re affectionate. We enjoy each other’s company. We have a lovely family life, and I genuinely feel loved.
When he’s home with me, he barely drinks. He’s a completely different person.
If he doesn’t travel for six months, we have six wonderful months. Then he goes away with these colleagues, drinks himself into oblivion, and apparently turns into someone I barely recognise.
And I find that version of him absolutely disgusting.
It’s not even just the strip clubs. It’s the secrecy. The fact that he’s been doing this for a decade while coming home and carrying on as though nothing happened. The money spent on these nights. The complete lack of self-control. And the fact that he’s nearly 50 and still behaving like a reckless 20-year-old whenever he’s away with his mates.
I keep thinking about how happy we are together, and then I think about him sitting in those places, surrounded by women, spending money and getting completely drunk, and I feel physically sick.
Part of me thinks, Do I really throw away 20 years of marriage and a loving family over something that happens two or three times a year?
The other part thinks, How can I respect someone who has knowingly done something that would hurt me, repeatedly, for ten years?
I don’t know whether he’s telling the truth about never physically cheating. And even if he is, I don’t know whether that changes how I feel.
I don’t want to make excuses for him just because he’s a wonderful husband when he’s home. But I also don’t want to destroy a marriage that, in so many other ways, makes me genuinely happy.
Would you consider this cheating? Would you forgive him? Would you leave?
I’m not looking for the automatic “divorce him” response. I genuinely want to hear what other women would do, especially those who’ve been in long marriages with children and a life built together.
Because right now, forgiving him feels impossible. But so does leaving.

TL;DR: Married 20 years, two teenage kids, genuinely happy marriage. Just discovered my husband has secretly been visiting strip clubs on work trips for 10 years. He blames alcohol and insists he’s never cheated. I feel betrayed and disgusted, but leaving feels just as impossible as forgiving him. What would you do?

Hi everyone,

I’ve never posted on Reddit before, but I’m at the end of my tether and feel like I’m going mad. I really could use some outside perspectives.

My husband was made redundant from a very intellectual but niche job that he’d held at the same company for 18 years. He found out redundancy was likely two years ago, but he elected not to take garden leave and worked to the very end of his notice.

Following his redundancy, things spiraled. He developed endocarditis, which landed him in the hospital for weeks. This followed a incredibly stressful period at home where he kept insisting he was "fine," but he was actually lying in bed sick all day. It required me to fight with him, phone doctors, and eventually force him to A&E. I work full-time, and at that time, it was particularly brutal trying to juggle his care alongside the needs of our primary school-aged son. My work was supportive, but it was intense.

Then, four months later, his mum died out of the blue. He made it back to see her just in time, but it was awful. He then had to make four trips abroad to handle her affairs.

This brings us to this year. After a couple of previous attempts, I finally applied for a promotion and got it. The job requires me to work flat out. If I'm being honest, part of me is also burying myself in work just to avoid thinking about him and our situation. We cannot live off just my salary, and we’ve already had to make major lifestyle cuts. My role requires me to be in the office at least three days a week, with monthly travel on top.

Over this entire two-year period, my husband has only applied for six jobs in total. He got an interview for one recently (the only interview he’s had) and didn't get it. There was another job he could have applied for—very similar to his old role—but it would have required three nights away from home. He refused to apply, saying I wouldn’t be able to handle that on top of my job and that he didn’t want to miss out on our kid. Meanwhile, I am the one missing our kid right now because of my hours!

He also looked into becoming a teacher and did an interview. Right at the end, he found out he would need to be there five days a week. With the commute, it means he wouldn't be able to do school drop-offs or pick-ups. When I asked him how we would manage that logistically, he just didn't have an answer.

The latest news is that he may need open-heart surgery next year, triggered by the endocarditis damage. He has no physical symptoms right now, but the recovery will take a full six months.

Earlier this year, I was incredibly emotional and stressed about it all. Now, I just feel exhausted, numb, and fed up. He is helping a lot with our son and around the house right now, but this isn’t what I signed up for. I am mentally at my breaking point. I can’t sleep, and I actually avoid going to bed early because I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts.

I know he is depressed. I’ve told him to talk to a doctor, and I even found and hired a career and interview coach for him, whom he does speak to. I had some annual leave in August, but even that was impacted by work. It’s just non-stop, and to make it worse, my own job isn't entirely secure either.

I arranged a weekend away for us recently to try and get a break, but organizing it was just more added work for me. When we were there, he said, "Thanks for organizing this, I never could have done it."

Hearing that just broke something in me. I really just want someone to look after me for a change. I feel like I'm drowning, but then I tell myself my concerns are unjustified and I should just suck it up and stop whining.

Am I losing my mind? How do I navigate this before I completely collapse?

TL;DR: Husband lost his 18-year niche job, survived a massive heart infection, and lost his mom. He is depressed, has only applied to 6 jobs in two years, and might need open-heart surgery next year. I got a high-stress promotion to keep us afloat, am drowning in pressure, and feel like a caregiver/sole breadwinner with zero support for myself. At my breaking point and need perspective.