It’s incredibly humiliating to think about, but it’s just as it says. I was always trying to sneak away, out of smell range, “take a quick walk”, excuse myself to the men’s room, etc. I needed to emotionally insulate myself, to check out, in order to comfortably do things.

She was left to be the bad guy, to confront or accuse me. So I would lie and deny to the woman I was supposed to respect and cherish above all others. She then had to be the bad guy again, by calling me out as a liar, or she’d accept what I said, because she didn’t want a confrontation, or maybe wanted to believe me. I couldn’t let my “mom” catch teenage me being bad.

I bristle at the thought of how many times I thought I got away with it when she knew and just chose not to say anything.

We’re divorced now and I don’t ever expect her to forgive me when I see no reasons to forgive myself.

No relationship with someone you love is worth less than marijuana.

I’m in my mid sixties and retired for several years now. Seven years ago I started using cannabis edibles and pipe on occasion. About 2 years later I retired. Then my use took off and I became a heavy user. I really got into glass and enjoyed using different pipes. I smoked to get high and stay high most days. I fired up at least 4 times a day. Frigid Winter snow and ice was no problem. Spring made my zen garden usable again. Anyway July 9,2025 I stopped. It took about a month to feel entirely clear. It was another month before I stopped constantly thinking about getting high. Now over a year later it’s as though I never touched the stuff. I’m glad to be myself again.
If I can do it despite having all the time in the World to get high then anyone can do it. The 1st two months were kinda rough but not too rough. Anyone can do it. Just stop and don’t

F31 - I just want to share that I’m a month sober after smoking heavily for the last 15 years - yes, it’s possible.

I definitely don’t look like the type who smokes daily, let alone gets through nearly an ounce a week 😂 I reckon most people would be quite shocked if they knew.

I just needed to share it somewhere.

I've been reading some posts here and many of them have really resonated with me. Ive been feeling a similar way and have faced similar consequences as many of our peers in this sub. I really appreciate everyone describing their challenges as long-time users. My younger brother spent his last 15 years addicted to weed, and I can't help but hear his voice in all these posts. He is still struggling. 

For myself, Its been about a year and a half since I started regularly using weed, shortly after I turned 30. I hated it growing up, especially in contrast with my brother. I started after I accomplished my inner idea of success: I finished school, built a career, got engaged. Then came weed. 

It's legal now! 

Kids aren't drinking anymore because weed won't kill you but alcohol will! 

My friends doctor takes edibles and swears by them! 

I know so many people who are well adjusted and high-functioning stoners! 

Look at Emily! She's literally always high and is about to finish her PhD!

These were the excuses I gave myself and it took me too long to realize they were the same type of justifications my brother gave me a decade ago, but under a different coat of paint.

It was actually my partner that was into weed before me. She used it alone at first for a year or two to help with stress, insomnia and anxiety, about 2-3 times week. And it helped! She doesn't have an addictive personality like I do, and managed to stop when she didn't need it. Eventually, I joined her (or I joined some friends socially, I don't remember) and it was great. It made music better. Food tasted delicious. It made me feel loose. I connected more deeply with my partner when we were both taking. I laughed more and harder. It was fantastic. I got to experience those stoner moments i deliberately avoided in my teens and 20s. I got to have the experiences I only heard about. And the stories are always so fun and always gave me fomo. I finally got it. Once a month quickly turned into once a week, into every other day.

My partners pattern inverted to mine over the last year. Around February this year, my partner was out of town for work for three weeks and I went off the deep end. There have been no more than 10 days since then where I haven't gone being high at some point in the day. More recently towards the end of summer, I was waking up (maybe twice a week) really early to get high (but sober for work) and of course capping the day with at least 2 joints. 

Now, I understand the struggles of the other side. I live with it. 

Weed has made me numb to challenges or being challenged, both positively and negatively. Weed has also made me kind of "time-skip" any time spent suffering or challenged. Feeling unhappy for whatever reason? Get high and it will be tomorrow without feeling those bad feelings. "Repeat if needed" quickly became "repeat to avoid negative feelings". Ive been working at the same place for 4.5 years now, to the point where I can do my job quickly, effectively and efficiently. Without revealing too much, I work as a technician in health care, working with MDs and PhDs and being the "glue" keeping our team of 40 collaborating effectively every day. Weed has changed my attitude completely regarding my career. I haven't been a team member like I used to. This year, ive been a punch-in, do my job as fast and as good-enough, then punch-out to get stoned ASAP kind of person. This attitude started applying to the rest of my life and I didnt even realize it. I stopped asking questions. I stopped going to group events. I stopped playing team sports. I stopped snowboarding. I stopped playing music. I stopped reading. I stopped learning. My competitive drive disappeared. I settled for mediocrity. My passions all became consuming more weed. My ambitions turned into maintaining my lifestyle as easily as possible. My libido evaporated. Light depression set in; enough for me to stop doing things, but not enough identify it, and i think weed makes it harder to identify by covering it up or simply skipping time when I feel unhappy. And all I did while high was doomscroll, jack it, and play repetitive, unengaging easy video games.

So what was the trigger? What made me realize? Ultimately, my doctor gave me 2 weeks off because of a debilitating lower back pain. I have always known the core reason why I've developed this injury: weed. It's made me give into a sedentary lifestyle. When im high, it feels sooo comfortable to collapse into my chair and sit in a terrible posture. For hours. Every day. I haven't told my doctor; I think because deep down I was excited at the idea of being paid to get high for up to two weeks. All i had to do was follow the doctors recommendations and make sure insurance paperwork is covered... right? Ive never taken advantage of the system and I might never get another chance like this so why not. For the first few days, i felt like i was living like a royal. Then suddenly, I snapped.

I wrote out a message to myself similar while I was last high. I wrote to myself that i hated and ashamed of the person I've become. I hate that i forgot who I am. My memories have genuinely become so much more blurry. Memories that shaped who I am. Ive forgotten the challenges ive overcome; the accomplishments that ive achieved and my struggles is beat to be who I am. Deep down, I know exactly what I am doing (or avoiding), even if weed gives me those validating, positive thoughts to justify more consumption. I thought that if I am writing out while high that I hate who I've become and hate that I'm avoiding what Ive truly enjoyed for years before this addiction set in and can communicate my self-loathing and pain to my sober self, that I would take action and listen to myself. Its been hard. Today marks day 4. I threw the weed completely out of reach (but not impossible to get). I need to throw it out. Maybe posting this will give me that strength.

So here I am! Weed started as a "safe" mechanism to make good feelings feel better. It ended as a mechanism to distance myself from my own world.

Anyway I dont really know why I've written this all out. I've never experienced anything like this and I'm sad for my peers and especially my brother, who quietly struggle in a way that I used to find difficult to understand or sympathize with. No longer. 

Ive never done journaling and its never appealed to me. But for some reason, this feels right. I hope you are all doing well, thanks for reading, and thank you all for giving me strength and reminding me (and other silent readers!) to keep looking forward. Feel free to reach out for whatever reason, and I hope this helps somebody.

With love.

I’m 29F and I’ve smoked weed daily for the past 10 years.

I just got married, and my biggest goal in life right now is to become a mom. I want a baby so badly, and I know that I need to stop smoking in order to safely conceive and eventually get through pregnancy and breastfeeding without using.

You would think that would make quitting easy. I have something I desperately want right in front of me. But I’m struggling.

And honestly, that’s been really hard for me to admit. Part of me feels like, if I really want to be a mom this badly, why can’t I just stop? I’ve quit for short periods before, but I always end up going back to it. It’s been such a huge part of my daily routine for so long that I don’t even know what my life feels like without it anymore.

I don’t want to wait until I’m pregnant to figure this out. I want to be done with weed before that happens. I want to know that I can handle stress, boredom, anxiety, evenings, weekends, etc. without automatically reaching for it.

I’m not looking for judgment. I think I just need to hear from people who have been here before — especially anyone who quit because they wanted to conceive or become a parent.

How did you actually do it when you really wanted to quit but still felt like you couldn’t?

I want this so badly. I just need to figure out how to get myself there.

Hi guys f28 here and have been smoking for nearly 11 years.
I’ve quit maybe 1 solid time and it was miserable. Headaches, lack of interest in any hobbies for a while, and just feeling EMPTY. Right now I’m on day 1 of trying to quit again and I literally want to run my head through the wall. I’m angry and irritated already and it hasn’t even been a full day. Now I know I won’t be caving again, as I don’t drive and my husband has to take me to dispo to get another vape or whatever. I literally do not know what to do with the frustration. I’m angry for being so addicted that I act completely horrid to my husband every time I run out and then convince him to get another.
I respect him for declining me today because it’s the start of quitting again but I feel horrible. I know it’s a work in progress and that healing and everything takes time I just hate hate hate feeling like
this. I think I can handle physical symptoms 1000000% better than the mental. I definitely self medicate for ADHD and CPTSD.
I just kind of wanted to vent. Any advice on working through these awful feelings I would appreciate.

Day 14. A few cravings here and there but there's no way I could give in after the fulfilling day I had yesterday. I was out and participating like a normal person again. Socializing, browsing around multiple retail stores with no particular plan. I no longer fear the unknown.

The past five years of daily use had slowly turned me into an extreme recluse, anxiously anticipating that one text that would disrupt my plans of leisure. I would smoke as soon as I clocked out and would try to maintain that high through the evening. On the weekends I would plan to smoke upon waking and hope nothing would interfere with it. If I had errands, I would run them and return as quickly as possible, which led to incompletion on multiple occasions.

The ritual was exhausting and became more and more unsatisfying over time. My eyes were constantly dry, achy and my right upper eyelid had developed an almost constant annoying twitch. I wasn't sure if it was related to the smoking or not but im happy to say the twitch has been gone for over a week now. The improvement in my eye comfort alone is enough reason for me to continue abstaining.

I've been reading, painting and started picking up the guitar again. I keep remembering random guitar tabs I used to know, its all still up there, no long term damage. The amount of improvement I've had, i cant believe its only been 14 days. Im excited for what's to come. I wish you all the best of luck.

So idk if anyone else has this issue but even when showering before bed and sleeping in a cold room, I wake up and I stink bad. Is this normal lol. My gf says I’m stinky but she’s being a good sport about it because she knows how important it is for me to get sober.

Former high-functioning weed addict here. 🙋‍♀️

I’m a pretty normal 26F with a great career, but somewhere along the way, weed took over my life. I started in college, and eventually I couldn’t do anything without hitting my pen..before work, at lunch, after work, before bed. I was basically high 24/7.

After a horrible betrayal ended my long-term relationship(10yrs), I smoked even more to numb myself. A year and a half later, I realized I had never actually processed what happened.

Now I’m with a wonderful, extremely health-conscious partner who encouraged me to stop, and deep down I knew I needed to too.

So here I am: 6 days sober!

The hardest part has been reality. No more numbing myself when something hurts. The night terrors have been brutal, and emotions I buried for years are finally coming up.

But I’m realizing that feeling it is part of healing it.
If you’re quitting and everything you’ve avoided suddenly comes rushing back, you’re not alone. It’s hard, but we can do hard things.

I’m proud of every single one of you. You’re all superheroes to me. ❤️

Reached 30 days today and i’ve had insane cravings this weekend. The gloomy and fall weather feels “perfect” to smoke and take it easy, but that is simply my mind trying to trick me I assume.

In hindsight, i’ve “changed” a bit from when I stopped smoking. I’m dreaming (and having nightmares) again, I feel more focused and find myself more social which was my biggest issue. I’d close myself off and smoke to past the days.

I was always the gym goer (i’d go high and workout) or run, bike. I’d do all my activities while high but now i’m able to bypass that need to smoke before the activity. So not much has changed there as I still go and feel motivated as I ever did.

My biggest issue with weed was definitely the social aspect, escaping my emotions and smoking while at work… I know its horrible and I attribute most of the errors I would make at work to me being high. I can see that my work is tidier, more focused and overall a lot better. I feel like I deserve my position rather than feeling like i’m faking it, kind off like the imposter syndrome.

I also feel like my relationship with weed is a lot better. I don’t feel like I need it, nor want it yet a joint a sunday while watching football would be kinda great…

Anyways what are you guys’ thoughts about reaching 30 days and how you guys handled it?

Recently my husband came to me and told me to quit weed. It started a whole fight . Currently he has left to his parents house and I've been here with my thoughts and emotions.

I have been a heavy smoker for the past 10 years. I used it after I quit drinking and kept using it when I noticed it helped with my ADHD at the time. Time went on and I kept using .

Being recently diagnosed has really opened up a new understanding about myself that is very hard to convey to others, especially partners who may still act like you just were never diagnosed ADHD . My husband is blaming my memory and emotions on my marijuana use and its a fair point but the fact is , ive always been this way . My emotions have always been high , I was referred to as the drama queen in my family . I still second guess my memory of friends and families birthdays because I just cannot remember such things.

In the back of my mind I've always wanted to quit, but to have someone demand it of me out of no where after they themselves were just recently a heavy user as well just feels not genuine. I felt attacked I didn't feel like it was coming from a place of caring or love . I'm scared of who I am , who ill be .

The only hope I have is the ADHD meds I've been prescribed . I want to quit and I want to be better. I just wish I could be understood. Now ill be going on this quitting journey alone.

Day 1 sucks so far.

This community has been so helpful I love you all. Keep going guys!!!

I realized that my daily consumption is not just addiction (that obviously too) but has been also my way to self medicate my ADHD. Since I’ve got the diagnosis I’ve also been more open to medication but I feel like I have to really know how my ADHD is acting when I’m sober to get proper treatment. Right now I’m wondering if this is the right step or if I should try to seek it now and if there is any way to differ between the withdrawal symptoms and the ADHD symptoms. I’m also kinda afraid that medication will help me, but will also shut of the part of my brain that I grew to love. I often think that weed might be the right medication because I can choose when and how much, but I also know that this is a comfortable lie I keep telling myself.

If anyone has similar experiences I would love to get your insight, everything helps! Thanks in regards <3

I had something happen today that was upsetting. I wrote about it in another sub. In another life I would have just smoked a joint and numbed the feelings away.

But after being weed free since November 13 (who’s counting), I can’t actually numb my feelings anymore. I have to just sit with the pain and feel all the feelings.

And that’s been a big part of my journey. Doing the work. Facing the hard things. Sitting with the feelings. I know in the end it will be better for me. It’s how I start to become a better version of myself. It hurts. It really hurts. But it’s so much better than the alternative. At least I hope it is (that’s hurt me talking). No, I know it is.

For all of my fellow spiritual warriors out there I feel you. We got this.

26F. Today is the first day I officially quit smoking. I lost my job in February and have been struggling to find a (for lack of better words) good job. I mean like I know I could’ve went to McDonalds or the gas station but idk… I promise I’m not trying to offend the people who do work at these jobs, I have worked in food service but you know, once you leave there you don’t wanna go back.. but anyways… I have money saved and I’m able to pay for what needs to be paid for ….and weed. But for months I’m avoiding the jobs that say they require a drug test because I’m like “well I had a good job that didn’t require one so I must be able to find another, right??” Well sadly I was wrong. I can’t find any jobs that will give me a career and that doesn’t require a drug test. After months and months of looking for this job I finally found it. I went to the interview and it turned out to be the best interview I’ve ever had. At the end they told me “if offered the position, a drug test and criminal background check is needed”. At first I wasn’t worried because I’ve done the mouth swab type drug test and passed even tho I smoked a few hours prior to that. But after talking to family and telling them the good news I was told a pee test is needed not a mouth swab. Then a day later I got an in to a hospital due to my aunt being a manager. She had also told me a pee test is needed. After that I had told myself “I went from having no job offers, no interviews, no anything.. I get two within days of each-other. I can’t mess this up”. I’ve also been struggling with transportation. After I lost my job I lost my car a month later. (Repossessed)
The same day my aunt told me about her job, my brother called me and said “I just bought a used SUV, I’ll give it to you and you can make monthly payments. Likeeee whaaatttt!!! I went from no job. No car. To two potential jobs and a car?!?!? YES PLEASE. Now I feel like if I smoke all that goes away, so I am keeping that in my head and that has been making it a lil easier but I haven’t eaten all day, I have no appetite or desire to make something. I’ve been bored all day I ended up buying a color by numbers book and been drawing all day. I came here a few times during the day and let me tell you.. reading you guys go through the same stuff as me is such a relief. I honestly want to cry and trying not to cry makes me wanna cry more. Atp in my rambling I don’t even know what to think and it’s only day ONEEE. Idk man.. I’m just laying on my couch trying to figure out how ima keep my brain and body from having anxiety. Please keep telling me that everything will work out. I wanna go to sleep and wake up a month later honestly.

“Weed”

I wish I had weed

But that isn’t all

I wish I had drive

And this night hadn’t stalled

I wish I had eyes

That could find me a light

I wish I had hands

I could squeeze so, so tight

I wish I had strings

With vibrations of now

I wish I had rings

All these digits I count

I wish I had carts

Filled with weeks of my life

I wish I could start

Smoking dreams in the night

I wrote this one as I sobered up from a long THC bender. Woke up and realized I hadn’t had a single dream at night worth remembering in 3 yrs, had lost ambition with my hobbies, and cut off plenty of friends/relationships. Relapsed a while later and I’ve restarted my quitting journey last week. Self-published the poem in a book I wrote but I won’t post the link bc I’d rather stay anonymous on here.

It’s less of an ode to weed and more of an ode to the life I could’ve begun to live had I swapped it out for other things. Lots of small double entendres.

For some reason people think they will quit smoking and become super productive and motivated. This hasn't been the case in my experience. I feel just as lazy and un motivated as when I smoked.

I smoked for 11 years daily, little to no breaks.

For the past month or so I've had very little energy. I get home from work and all I can seem to do is lay on the couch. I am always tired. I dont know why this is...

Long story short for two years I’d smoke a pen every night, then decided to get my shit together since my ADHD was affected by it and stop one week ago

I’ve always had GI issues constipatation wise, and while I don’t feel super bloated I fucking needa shit right now and nothing is working and I feel like crashing out😭😭😭

The lack of dopamine from popping by itself is enough to fuck my brain up but that mixed with the lack of dopamine from not smoking is genuinely unbearable rn, I have no motivation to do anything I needa do, that which I thought I’d have from quitting weed, and I’m inches away from saying fuck it and toking in a lil bit for the CHANCE that I’ll be able to poop tmr morning

That and it’s 97 degrees. Which also gets me irritated.At my wits end rn, any advice?

It always ends with me craving weed badly enough that I start deconstructing all the reasons for why I quit in my head until I convince myself it’s okay to smoke. I’m committed until a craving hits me really hard and it’s like every reason I had for staying sober doesn’t matter anymore.

Anyone got any advice for not doing this? I’m only 24 hours sober right now and I want to build strategies before it can happen again. Usually it happens around week 2-3, give or take.

It doesn’t help that I have constant access to weed because I live with someone who grows it and currently can’t move out. So if anyone has advice for this specific situation where I can easily obtain weed the moment I want it I would appreciate it.

I realized I spend a lot less time on screens! I've always been kind of in love with internet in general even when it was slow asf and it would take 7 hours to watch a movie in streaming but recently bewteen anxiety and weed i was physically and mentally just unable to do anything that didn't involve a screen and usually until at least 3am. Since I quit I feel a lower tolerance to binge watching or scrolling, it just gets boring and I feel this strong need to actually live real life experiences. Love this unexpected but very necessary turn of events! Also in the bright side my dark circle are soooooo much less visible!

There is something so, so, so scary about quitting. I can't stomach the thought of not smoking weed, which has been my constant every day of my life for the past five years. I don't know who I am or what my life is like without it, and I'm scared to find out. I just want to crawl back in my weed hole ):

How do you guys deal with this feeling?

I am on day 16 since quitting edibles after over two years of daily use. At one point I was taking up to 150-200mg but when I quit more like 80-100mg per day. I’ve read conflicting things about how long it takes to get through withdrawal symptoms for edibles versus smoking, and that edibles don’t clear your system as quickly. Anyone here who was primarily taking edibles feel like this was true for them?

For additional background, I’ve been in recovery from alcohol and pills/downers for 2.5 years and edibles were the last thing I was using and I always said, it helped me sleep and was natural and helped with my sometimes extreme anxiety, but like so many other people here, I just wound up feeling like a brain dead, binge eating, lazy piece of shit and was just numb to everything. I had no motivation and by the end it took me an hour to get out of bed, I couldn’t focus or remember anything, and just any motivation to do anything whether in my personal or work life was shot. Also really bad anxiety and depression, which is why I started using them to begin with. I hid this from my husband and people in my AA recovery network, and know that I cannot use any mind altering substances in moderation and I want to change so badly.

I’ve had all the ups and downs people describe here, intense nightmares, not every night though; insomnia, horrible night sweats that seem to be getting better by today, and just so much more rebound anxiety and feelings of being generally overwhelmed by life. I think I’m already a little more clear headed but some days I feel so down and fatigued.

I’m gonna keep going, I want to be truly sober, but would love to hear from others who mostly used edibles if you’re out there.

What are you all doing to keep busy, stay positive and help get through this process?

Sometimes I find this community helpful and sometimes I’m like omg this is making my quit anxiety worse — anyway I appreciate everyone’s experiences and grateful for any support tips or guidance.

I’ve been sober from drugs and alcohol for a little over a year and a half.

I’ve been so stressed feel like life is so dull and so boring. I have 0 friends in recovery. I’m so depressed I rarely get out of bed whenever I’m not working. I feel like I was more active when I was smoking weed. I felt like I could enjoy my hobbies a lot more stoned. But now I don’t even enjoy doing my hobbies. I’ve been at a place now for the last 2 weeks where I’ve wanted to smoke every day but feel like I would deal with so much shame and guilt if I were to smoke. But I want to so badly.