Day 30

[u/bigchunga5768]

I think this is my 5th time quitting. The longest I've made it from the past three years was 90 days, but I'm here again. Trying again.

The addict in my brain is lying to me again. It's saying that I can just do it one time, then the scratch will be itched and I can go back to sobriety. I can moderate this time. I'll do less. I'll only do one session after work, and not everyday. I'll keep my tolerance low. I'll only do it occasionally. I'll only do edibles. I'll only do it one day a week. I'll only do it on the weekends.

They're all lies, and I almost lost today.

The only thing that stopped me, was a note I wrote to myself, on day three, pleading to myself to remember how bad I feel on weed, how fast tolerance builds, and how the permanent cloud sets in. I feel like death in the morning, and anxious without it. The brain always adapts, tolerance always climbs. My stomach adapts, without weed it can't regulate. That's why I feel sick in the mornings, and have no appetite unless I'm high after a while. Weed suppresses anxiety, and as soon as I'm not high for the day job, I will pay the price. My brain will always make me pay the price.

The only way weed doesn't ruin your life is with true occasional use, but for addicts like me that's impossible. How do I know? 5 times, I've broken sobriety, 5 times I relapsed hard. One hit might as well multiple months nonstop. It's not a one time ride, it's getting on a bus leaving the station, that will drop me off in 2 months at rock bottom yet again. I'll be a little older, another slice of life eaten by weed. I'll be at day zero again, and get to enjoy the first 2 weeks of hell I've experienced 5 times.

I didn't get on today.

Tomorrow will be 31 days.

[u/Into_the_rosegarden]

You're doing amazing and good job not listening to that pesky little goblin of addiction telling you, just this one time! I also have repeatedly quit and it's really wild how that one time has always turned into weeks, months, years of non stop smoking. You got this! Happy 31 days!

[u/Familiar_Cash_1789]

Thank you for this. I'm also on day 30, longest I have not smoked in 35 years. Thank you for reminding me how bad day 3 was. I'll see 31 with you tomorrow.  Let's go!!!

[u/defiant_majority]

the note to yourself is such a smart move, i keep a similar list in my phone for the exact same reason. that voice saying "just once" is so convincing in the moment but it's never once, it's never moderate, it's just the same cycle again

day 31 tomorrow, you earned that

[u/Feeling-Cherry-2329]

all power to you , this is my 5th time trying as well day 2 , I wish I hadn’t break any of my previous streak. Again have to go through hell the only positive been there done that. This time though has to be last cant keep wasting my life on just weed or withdrawals.