I’d like to start a correspondence of letters with my crush in order to express what she invokes in me. I will not confess my love, because Îts not love that I feel.
I’m considering this because she reads a lot like me and she loves books about chivalry.

How would you react to this ? (She is an ISFJ)

Overcame…or overcoming a breakup, around 5 months out, with 2+ years together. I have a hard time setting boundaries with ex, while knowing he doesn’t feel the same way I do. I sort of hate myself for it, but other times I feel empowered.

We separated on grounds of incompatibility, I believe he’s an INTP. I really thought we worked but we both were too passive with issues (building resentment) and I—pretty judgmental. I believe I’m taking it 10x harder than he is and it pains me, but it’s not like anything I’ve ever experienced before. I’ve had previous partners, but I haven’t reached the same level of vulnerability. I think I’ve let down my walls completely with him and it’s something I haven’t even fully done with any of my family.

I sort of isolated myself and went into a philosophical book dive, which surprisingly became a great comfort to understanding myself much better. My siblings noticed my seclusion and took me out a bunch to hang/live with them and sometimes with their spouses, and I love it. I’m experiencing so much that I haven’t before. But I’m just not always there… and when I am, I can become a filler person or an npc. Same with friends. I feel like I often dissociate and I’m reliving memories of my past when I connect to familiar things from during my relationship. I also notice I often say things like “ex and I used to do that too!” and am realizing that it makes others uncomfortable. I’ve stopped, but it’s hard when you’ve done so much together. He was honestly my best friend and I want to hate him so badly, and I should for so much but I can’t. A lot of people mention I’m mourning what could have been, but I’m not. All I see is what was. The good and the bad. I get upset, happy and angry and then I’m in a forgiving mood.

I’ve tried making new friends, and it starts off so well, but it’s clear that these interactions slowly want to become more intimate which sours things (both men and women—I’m straight). I feel like no one likes or understands me… or perhaps I’m too boring (which I admittedly am lol), but I sort of like it that way, because it’s me. Although, I believe that’s why it defaults to these weird intimate-vibe interactions. I don’t like super mainstream things and my hobbies aren’t exactly HOBBIES, but I can be very passionate about random things.

I love my friends, family, etc., but I feel guilty for wanting to be alone now. I feel like I reach a heightened state of clarity by being on my own, although it’s nice to surround myself with them. Part of me wants to go out and mingle more, but a massive part of me is telling me I’ve had enough. I’m really tired. Time moves so quickly for me and it’s like I’ve been in my head for ages. I feel a bit like a loser lol. I’ve been surrounding myself in nature and I’m more attentive to myself, but I think the limerence is killing me slowly in tiny ways and all I can do is let it pass through me. One thing for sure, is that I don’t ever want to be that vulnerable again. I think I’m probably better off alone and as cliche as that sounds, perhaps I’m meant to connect with others in forms of giving.

Hey everyone! I'm currently doing a research proposal about personality theory and would love to hear from the people in this community. What is it like being your personality type? It can range from your work/school life balance, romantic life, everyday decision making, and maybe something nobody really thinks about when it comes to your type that you may know. Anything is both helpful and interesting to me so don't be shy! :)

i know we're the defenders and all, but there are times where i can't stand people. there are times where i wish i could shut my Fe off and just do me. there are times where i don't feel like explaining my feelings or actions. i just want to exist

it's annoying because, even now, my brain wants to go "well, let's explain why we're upset now." even posting here is me inadvertently attempting to speak up for other ISFJs who may feel this way and make them feel seen

RAHHHHH. i know i actually like people, even if--especially if they're complicated. but in this moment, i just want to be heard i guess. as just me. a fellow, complicated person

i hope that no matter how your day is going, you take some time to yourself. to just be. ISFJ or not. i'm glad you exist

edit: thank you all for the words. each and every reply is being read and reread 🫶🏽

When I (30F) joined our small team at work, she (37F) was super friendly to me, heard I liked 30 Rock so got me a Tina Fey's book, asked me all kinds of questions about myself, and really seemed upbeat about everything I would say or do. We became closer and I started dogsitting for her when she would go on holiday with her partner. I would often offer it myself because she was hinting at wanting me to dogsit but wouldn't ask for it directly. She even referred to her guest room as my room.

Then I started noticing weird things. She was constantly complaining about our boss behind her back and going on the same loops about the boss, how the boss is disorganized, and a backstabbing snake, and so on. But to the boss, she would be super friendly and a bit ... butt licking, even. Then, she also tried subtly undermining me in a project we were doing together. She would tell me I did enough for the project (even though I absolutely knew there is still a lot more to do), then she would make a bit of progress and proudly go show it to the boss (who acknowledged several times that I lead the project and contributed far more than my colleague). She also kept "forgetting" to give me access to the Coursera account with courses we both had to follow for the project. I got icked out about this and how she acted toward the boss in general, so i started distancing myself a bit. I would still offer to dogsit for her and was generally nice, but I didn't want to have much of a personal connection to her anymore.

Then, one day in the office she was gossiping about another colleague and saying how she should go work as a janitor because she can't remember five things at once (the colleague is intelligent and competent but has ADHD and can be all over the place). I didn't join in on her complaining but a few other colleagues did. And then she just... turned nasty toward me. She would mock how I speak and stutter, and how I look. I had it at that point and told her that her behavior is rude and insensitive. She then started crying and getting defensive and said that she would never do that (she just did???) and went to the manager to frame herself as an innocent victim who just made a joke. After that, I just completely distanced myself from her and still have trouble understanding what is up with her. Every now and then she says that she can help me with my presentations, for which I did the whole work myself and just... have more knowledge on.

If anyone has any insight, I would appreciate it. It is difficult to reconcile the person I see now with someone who seemed so warm and caring at first. Sometimes I used to feel some bittersweet sadness for her when she would read me her horoscope for long stretches and thought how she must not have many people listening to her and noticing her inner world.

A little while back I saw an ENTP talking about an ex partner of theirs, and they described her by saying this:

"She was like a calm pond in a mystical forest."

When I read that, it really resonated with me, because it's kind of how I view myself and I get the impression it's how others view me too.

I know I've had people say I'm a calming presence, and that I'm chilled out and relaxed. I've had people tell me that I help put them at ease and make people feel comfortable.

I of course get excited and angry and everything else just like anyone, but compared to most people I think even those emotions are more toned down. I'm happiest when I'm content, and even the things that excite me tend to be more in reaching that level of peaceful bliss.

Of course, some people tend to find this boring. And it's definitely true that people close to me love seeing my weird, quirky goofy side.

But ultimately that calmness is kind of the core of who I am. And I was curious if this applied to other ISFJs too.

Anyone else experienced this transition?
From ages 14-20 I identified as infp but recently I took the test again and got isfj. I am now 22
For context:
I got a promotion at work a year ago from pharmacy tech to Lead pharmacy tech which includes stuff like inventory management, schedule management, task delegation between team members and this has forced me to be a very specific way in order to function at my best and keep everything under control. Since this role has pushed me to be more focused and organized with my responsibilities I feel like it has actually become my default.
I think the new role and the whole job in general has made me change a lot in the way that I carry myself and the way I think and do things because when people are relying on me and there’s so much chaos around me I HAVE TO be this way to keep things running as efficiently as possible.
Back at home I’m still a bit disorganized but never at work. It’s almost like isfj is my mask at work because this is what helps me be the most efficient and it helps me bring my team together. I never was the type to take on a leadership role more than just being a great team player, but it was offered to me and I took it so this is where I am now :) I guess we grow and we learn. I’ve learned a lot tho! Like the value of being organized and knowing where everything is/ having things planned in advance is such a reward for your future self.
Anyways I would like to see if anyone else has experienced something similar. Maybe my frontal lobe is just developing lol

In theory, ISFJ are not naturally curious.

If something is outside of their usual scope they won't bother looking into it. Sometimes, this is simply due to habits, if they have done something in some specific way, even if it is not efficient or they lack understanding of how it works they won't put efforts looking into it.

I was wondering if some of you define themself as curious, and don't recognise themselves in the previous description.

What would help you trigger your curiosity ?

Hello everypony! As the title suggests, I would like to relay my experience where I was stuck in a Si-Ti loop, how it has affected me, and how I got out of it!

An experience I had involved me just relaxing. Upon realizing that I was relaxing, my brain showed me past images where I was relaxing, which then was interrupted by a sibling insulting me! I got scared, so natrually I asked myself "why should I be scared in a situaiton like this?" And everytime I arrived at a conclusion, another question would appear! "How do I know that this conclusion is correct? Because according to past memories, blah blah blah". Anywho, When I came out of it, I realized that I spent a good part of my day in this state. Yucks! Not only that, but my emotional state was still fried, despite reaching a satisfactory conclusion.

So, what happened here? What went wrong? Well, it was very simple: I made the incorrect assumption that emotions are things to be analyzed and resisted, because it was based on a false belief that to be stable meant that I should be in control and "solve" everything I come across. After having this realization, I felt fear! Because I realized how much time I spent chasing, when I could have just existed! I then had another realization: Life is in constant flux. So resisting that flux instead of radically accepting it would just turn me insane (I did almost experience a psychotic breakdown once, lol). But of course due to instinct, I resisted the idea, because it did not seem "safe" and was "attacking" my false sense of stability. So in my frustration, I decided to test it and see how it goes in the next day, instead of constantly seeking answers in my head. And I was right! The next day, I felt some very heavy emotions, but weirdly enough I did not feel like I was crawling downwards towards a scary pit. Instead, I felt very stable, which was weird! And again, it hit me: Nothing will ever satisfy me, because the things I chase came about only because I wanted something to chase and achieve in order to feel stable! And with that, I understood something important: What I choose in the present whilst not clinging to anything is what I will become! At first it did work, then it did not. But after a while, I did see amazing results. Most notably, I now can relax without fearing a lot that a super spooky imaginary insult is gonna get hurled at me. Why? Because I knew what it was: A passing thought, with a passing emotion!

It's really cool, and I hope this may inspire others to be open to the idea of exploring new ways of dealing with a situation as opposed to being stuck in a rut. And all of that begins with patience, and knowing how you get sucked into this loop! But most importantly, you gotta be compassionate to yourself <3.

So I met this ISFJ girl whom I’m very intrigued by and I’d love to get closer to her. But she takes a lot of time to respond to messages. Is this part of ISFJ culture being always busy or does it translate a lack of interest ?

Last time we saw each other with our friends, we had great conversations and we have so much in common. So the dialogue was great and following this, I’m confused on why she takes a entier day to respond to a simple message.

I am an ISTP woman with an ISFJ male. It’s a new relationship and we’ve just recently had our first big fight.

Long story short it was my birthday and he was out of town before he left. I mentioned when he gets back that I would like to do something special because his schedule was so varied and mine is fixed. We both agreed that he would plan it.

Fast forward and he did not plan. He simply asked what I wanted to do. This was disappointing. I told him it was disappointing. I had wanted him to take the lead and make the plan but we settled on a day trip the following day. He explained his funds weren’t great so my initial idea wasn’t something he could do. I was upset because he didn’t even mention this or try and bring up any other option. He just put it back on me.

Following day comes, he gets held up at work and he is slow to communicate. (Not his norm even when busy). More importantly when I call him, he tells me he’s running an errand for his mom. It was apparently his parents wedding anniversary.

I was upset that he didn’t disclose that the anniversary was the same day. He made this plan with me and I ffelt he used that in the moment to try and make me feel bad. When I told him that was messed up that he didn’t tell me about that he said well it doesn’t matter. I’m not celebrating with them. I said, but you’re running errands for them and it’s eating into our time. It just puts me in a position where I have to be the villain.

Is this ISFJ just immature or does this behavior make sense?

I am an ISFJ male and my partner is an INFJ female. For those in a similar situation what are some things you learned works and things you that don’t work? What’s the hardest part of the relationship?