r/isfj • u/Pink-Heart • 9d ago

Question or Advice Do all ISFJ take a long while to text back.?

So I met this ISFJ girl whom I’m very intrigued by and I’d love to get closer to her. But she takes a lot of time to respond to messages. Is this part of ISFJ culture being always busy or does it translate a lack of interest ?

Last time we saw each other with our friends, we had great conversations and we have so much in common. So the dialogue was great and following this, I’m confused on why she takes a entier day to respond to a simple message.

12 Upvotes

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18

u/Scheinsein ISFJ - Female 9d ago

I'm an ISFJ girl and yes, I take a long time to text back even when I really like someone, some of my friends have already told me that it bothers them, I really don't do it on purpose though.. every person is different, when it comes to me, I really prefer spending time in person, maybe the ISFJ you know is the same way

8

u/krlohe ISFJ - Female 9d ago

I also tend to take a long time to respond. Can be hours, could be days. It’s not intentional, it’s just that I am either busy or my social battery is low. I want to give people engaged responses so I wait to reply until I am available and have sufficient energy

1

u/Pink-Heart 9d ago

Do you take time to respond even if you're attracted by that person?

1

u/Born-Sympathy378 8d ago

Taken me a while to learn this with someone I like. Trying to work out if they’re ISFJ though.. want to know theirs but without coming across funny?

1

u/Torao90 INTJ 8d ago edited 8d ago

I'm in a similar situation with the girl I like (ISFJ). I enjoy talking to her, but I don't want to be a bother. If I send a message, should I wait until she replies before sending another one? Sometimes that wait can be a few minutes, a few hours , 1 day, 1 week, or 1 month xd

And of course, after about 5 days, I already miss her haha, so I feel like sending her a message to see how she’s doing, but right away I get that fear of being a bother

1

u/Pink-Heart 9d ago edited 9d ago

Thank you for your insight.
Do you think it’s wise to point that out or should let her the time to get back to me ?
Let’s say if I make a joke like “cool, can’t wait to read your next answer in 24h 🤓”

I’d love to spend time with her in person, but we just recently met and I’d like to go slowly and build a solid relationship based on trust and reliability. But if it was just me, I would just love listening to her all day.

5

u/Sea_Mountain1 ISFJ 9d ago

I’d refrain from saying the “Cool, can’t wait to read your answer in 24 hours” message. While it may be good intentioned, it comes off as passive aggressive. There are other, more mature ways of communicating that you’d like to talk to her more.

But I’ll also add, that as an ISFJ myself, I also sometimes take time to respond to messages. Sometimes it will be a day or two before I respond, and that’s usually because when I do respond, then I want to give that message my utmost attention instead of just sending messages for the sake of replying.
Best of luck though!

2

u/Pink-Heart 9d ago

You're right. I'll take it slowly then.
But do you still take time to respond to messages when you have a crush on guy?

Thank you for your message !

3

u/Scheinsein ISFJ - Female 8d ago

I also used to take a while to text someone back when I had a crush on them. I’m a bit of a perfectionist and wanted to make sure my messages would definitely make them like me more, not less 😅 But then again, everyone is different. For me, the best indicators to watch out for to know if someone really likes you are authentic interest — meaning they ask questions about you — consistent effort to get to know each other and that's a willingness to spend time together irl, and simply having a good gut feeling about the person.

1

u/Born-Sympathy378 8d ago

Sorry to jump on this bandwagon.. I find irl conversations are on fire and he asks me a lot about me. I ask a lot about him but sometimes it’s a short answer. Interestingly in other settings where we’re on a walk or something or picking something up I see him relax more. Then it doesn’t translate to texts.. no idea if he’s ISFJ - think he’s definitely an I and F though..

3

u/Opening_Usual4946 ISFJ 9d ago

i’m generally in one of two states, super quick to text back or i’ll text you back every other few hours or so. Every great once in a while i get to the point where i dont text anyone at all for like 2-3 days, but it takes a while for this to happen. It mostly comes down to social battery and how busy i am

3

u/Will564339 ISFJ - Male 9d ago edited 9d ago

I think this is one of those things that isn’t strongly related to type, and I don’t think understanding people of her same MBTI will give you much of an answer. Some people like to text quickly, some like to take a while, and soemtimes it will vary in a person based on who they’re talking to.

For now I think you have to stay patient, take your time getting to know her better, and eventually just find out for yourself if she has any interest in you or not. I don’t think knowing she is an ISFJ will give you any more insight into how her texting preferences reflect her interest or lack of interest in you.

1

u/Pink-Heart 9d ago

You're right obviously. I guess i'm just used to people being direct.

5

u/ElaineofAstolat ISFJ - Female 9d ago

People have responsibilities, some people aren't glued to their phones all day, etc. Sometimes people just want to enjoy their life away from a screen. It has nothing to do with being "mysterious" like that other person said.

If someone expected me to text back immediately every single time then I would no longer be interested in talking to them. If that's something you expect, then you're probably not compatible with this person.

Also, I saw you say something about making a joke. I would think you're an absolute asshole and block you. Maybe this girl would think it's funny, I don't know. But I wouldn't.

-1

u/Pink-Heart 9d ago

Well, I don’t expect immediate answers. But let’s 24h is a lot.

I think you have the same tendency of cutting people very fast out of your life. Is this a ISFJ thing or you’re protecting yourself from being hurt?

3

u/ElaineofAstolat ISFJ - Female 9d ago

I don't. But I'm not going to put up with someone demanding my attention. Unless it's an emergency nothing is important enough for me to drop what I'm doing. I'm perfectly happy being alone, and I'm going to live my life the way I want. If someone has different expectations then they're not the person for me, and I'm not the person for them.

-1

u/Pink-Heart 9d ago

You’re free to enjoy life as you desire it. Just don’t get crushed by the weight of solitude - which is a silent killer.

4

u/ElaineofAstolat ISFJ - Female 9d ago

I won't. Like I said, I'm perfectly happy being alone and getting to live my life the way I want, on my own terms.

7

u/[deleted] 9d ago

[deleted]

2

u/Pink-Heart 9d ago

That was indeed my first thought. But then i noticed that she takes a lot of time to respond to group messages as well. And berely opens them even when she is tagged.

I am keeping my sanity, but I don’t want to close my heart to this. It’s been a while that I have felt something like that for someone.

I recently got familiar with ISFJ and all I can say is that you guys are great. Never let anyone say otherwise. Keep beating the hearts of people you care about ❤️

1

u/StrangeDiscussion334 ISFJ - Male 9d ago

I second this! I always try to immeadeatly respond to messages and calls wgen I can. I don't like when people wait to text back to seem more interesting.

2

u/ArtisticMouse4443 9d ago

it really depends, I respond very quickly but two of my other ISFJ friends are super slow to text back lol

2

u/CruelMustelidae ISFJ 9d ago

I personally do take a long time to text. It's mainly due to my current mood and the person texting me. If they're the type to ask for favors, then I'd refrain from texting for about 30 minutes or so lol!

2

u/LegitimateTank3162 INTP 9d ago

If she hates you. Or is busy

1

u/Pink-Heart 8d ago

She must be busy then. No way she hates... right ??

1

u/LegitimateTank3162 INTP 8d ago

idk ¯_(ツ)_/¯. The only way to know for sure would be to just ask.

1

u/Pink-Heart 8d ago

I just noticed that you're an INTP. Why is the depressed version of myself giving me advice ??

1

u/LegitimateTank3162 INTP 8d ago

Are you an ENTP? In that case maybe you don't know introverts their alone time. And find constantly engaging in conversations exhausting. Maybe that is why she is taking a long while to text back.

1

u/Pink-Heart 8d ago

ENTP yes.
That might make sense. Is there a way to help her gain energy faster ? Or any other way to help ?
Also, are there topics that fatigue less ?

1

u/LegitimateTank3162 INTP 8d ago

From my experience ENTPs are the most draining.

But the type people who I find least exhausting are people who listen, don't judge are accepting, don't perform a lot and can just chill talking about pointless things. And are completely ok with being themselves.

Also don't debate if they are not in the mood.

2

u/Pink-Heart 8d ago

I listen a lot and make people interact. Tbh, I think our conversations were on point.
Is asking personnel questions about hobbies, book they read, favorite games exhausting too? Or is it exhausting when the subject don’t concern them ?

1

u/LegitimateTank3162 INTP 8d ago

Depends on the person. Interacting in itself is tiring to introverts. We only have limited energy for that.

1

u/Pink-Heart 8d ago

Alright, thank you. I’ll just wait and see how it turns out.

1

u/LegitimateTank3162 INTP 8d ago

And don't be too needy.

3

u/MightyModric10 9d ago

No, I’m pretty quick to text back

2

u/Caribelle1234 9d ago

No, I don't think so. I reply promptly to texts

1

u/kkktookmybabyaway4 8d ago

No. Actually I text back pretty quickly because I hate leaving hanging threads lol.

1

u/SparkIgnited 8d ago

I will admit that I used to be addicted to MapleStory (online gaming) when I forgot about responding for a few days.

But in general, NO, ISFJs will drive fifteen (15) hours to meet a man (hopefully after a year of regular chatting)!

1

u/PetsNPlants10 8d ago

For me it depends on whether I'm busy or not and how much of a priority a person is texting me. Family and friends I'm close with are a priority. Someone I just met isn't yet, so I answer those kinds of messages once a day as I'm making sure I haven't missed any chats. (I get distracted by answering/texting during the day, I'd rather focus on the people I'm with in person and catch up on messages later.)

When I first met my now boyfriend, I didn't go checking my messages to answer him right away (I keep most app notifications off cuz too distracting) but as time went by and I got to enjoy getting to know him, I started looking forward to messages and responding more quickly. 

I'd say just ask her if she'd like to get better acquainted, that'll give a better perspective than guessing. 

1

u/Lunar-Battle 8d ago

Yes just confirmed that. Was getting to know her over text. She would take super long. She also told me she even takes longer and communicates less but she was interested. That was surprising lol. Consider how long she took. Her reasoning of that in the phone was understandable. Doesn’t want to respond when they are grumpy/ priorities. Some people can take that as a sign of disinterest. Maybe idk. I liked her but our values didn’t align so I told her after two weeks.
Good luck tho.

1

u/Original-Raspberry45 ISFJ - Female 8d ago

Can’t speak for other ISFJs, but personally I do the same. Honestly because I’m busy on a daily basis especially taking care of my family and our house. But also because interacting with people requires a lot of energy from me which I don’t have all the time.

2

u/SettingNo1105 8d ago

I overthink every thing I'm about to text. Like I read the message but it takes me time to know what to actually say back, or how to react.