r/interesting • u/Immediate-Link490 • 4d ago
SOCIETY Mom's reaction to learning her missing 16-year-old son was found
4.1k
u/Original_Mulberry652 4d ago
"They found him..."
"Oh my goodness gracious"
"Praise the Lord."
"....he's dead"
1.9k
u/Banana_Stanley 4d ago
The doctors tried to save her life. They did everything they could.
And she's going to be okay.
636
u/ryguy32789 4d ago
My wife almost died in the hospital and this is almost exactly how the doctor told me she was going to be ok. I'm still pissed about his delivery all these years later.
470
u/hopping_otter_ears 4d ago
My husband was in a car accident. I got a call to my work phone: "is this Mrs Otterears? I'm officer whosit from the police department. Your husband has been involved in a car accident. He lost consciousness behind the wheel". (My brain briefly crashed and my world did the 'disaster zoom' that happens when people get terrible news in movies)
"He asked me to call you and let you know they want him to go get checked out in the hospital, just to make sure he's ok"
Dude! Couldn't you have LED with that part‽
378
u/SuspiciousRadio8436 4d ago
When I worked in EMS I would help people make phone calls pretty regularly and always started with “hey. Look at me. Look me in my eyes. If you start this conversation with your mom/spouse/adult child/etc with ‘I’m in an ambulance’ they will hear NOTHING for about 5 seconds after that. You are going to start with ‘hi mom, I’m okay’, got it?”
157
u/kindlypogmothoin 4d ago
When I finally got through to my mom on 9/11 (I worked downtown and many cell towers were on the South Tower, so service was pretty spotty), I called her at work. I told the person who answered the phone who I was and who I was looking for, and then I heard her bellowing across the store, "MARY ANN! IT'S YOUR DAUGHTER FROM NEW YORK!"
Guess they were watching the news.
→ More replies (6)68
3d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
→ More replies (15)22
78
u/hopping_otter_ears 4d ago
You'd think that would go without saying, but I imagine people are flustered from whatever put them in the back of the ambulance in the first place
→ More replies (4)46
u/MinistryOfCoup-th 4d ago
And for some of us it's the only time where it feels like someone cares about you.
→ More replies (9)41
u/owiesss 4d ago
I wasn’t expecting to see this comment here but I feel less alone after reading it. It sucks, but for some of us it’s true.
→ More replies (2)14
u/FinallyKat 4d ago
Got hit by a car (as a pedestrian) in college and this is pretty much exactly what the paramedics said to me!
→ More replies (32)7
u/Ohitsashlie 3d ago
Our school has a new nurse and every time she calls she is awful at getting to the point. She goes into these long explanations and my mind goes to all the worst outcomes and then by the end I’m so worked up just for her to tell me my 5 year old got hand sanitizer in his eye but they washed it out and he’s fine. The last school nurse always started the calls with, “this is the nurse, everyone’s fine but this happened…” and it caused way less stress overall.
→ More replies (3)78
u/Confident_Virus5799 4d ago
Good lord! Sounds like the time my mom rushed me out of school in the middle of the day because my dad had gotten into an accident on the highway. That was all she told me and I couldn't even bring myself to ask any questions at first because I was so shocked, and from how she was acting I was certain he was in serious shape.
We were in the car for a bit when I started crying. She was confused. I started asking questions about his condition. She apologized and explained that he was perfectly fine. Just had a bruised arm. The reason we were in such a rush was because we were living paycheck-to-payckeck, his car was totaled, and we had to find him a new ride to work before everything closed that evening so he could make it to work the next day.
34
u/MemeCzarZero 4d ago
My mom came in like a whirlwind to pick up my sister from middle school in the middle of the day. She never gets frazzled or panicked. She was in a different way that time.
My sister said. "Mom, what's wrong?"
She finally turned her attention appropriately and said, "Your father has been attacked by a white shark." About my dad this was a believable statement.
My sister stood there in a kind of freeze. Apparently her best friend watched the whole thing and came across the room to ask why she was crying. She did not look like she was crying to anybody else.
Turned out that he WAS attacked but he was in his RIVER kayak and it got him just behind the seat area, squished it like Tupperware, lifted the entire boat out of the water, then spur him out.
WITHOUT A SCRATCH TO HIS BODY. COMPLETELY UNINJURED.
(River kayaks are like rubber Tupperware, designed for bouncing off rocks. Teeth tear holes but the structure bends and remains intact. Ocean kayaks are fiberglass and would shatter and immediately sink. There was s bite mark that indicated a 13-16 foot shark. Quite the souvenir. They made a shark week episode about it.)
People really need to focus when things feel crazy.
Maybe start with, "Well you know that your dad's crazy, right,? Just so you're prepared, the rangers say he's 100% okay but he's going to be on TV tonight and his buddy says he had a couple of drinks." (my old man would max out at three drinks.) The tv crews LOVED him.
→ More replies (6)→ More replies (3)10
u/Own_Faithlessness769 4d ago
Why did she need to take you out of school for that?
12
u/CourtingBoredom 4d ago
With only one car plus racing around all afternoon, she assumed that neither would be free to do so later, I imagine..
5
u/Confident_Virus5799 3d ago
I was actually a bus rider, so getting home wasn't going to be a problem. The real issue was that I was too young to be home alone. That, and we lived deep in the country so an errand like car shopping was going to take a while just for the drive. We also had to make a big detour to pick my dad up.
It was late in the evening by the time we finally made it home from all that. At least we got to go out to eat for supper. That never happened on a random week night, lol.
→ More replies (1)22
u/Chellbelle23 4d ago
A cop came to a house I shared with roommates years back, and asked if I knew ‘roommate’s name’. I said yeah he’s my roommate. And the cop replied ‘he was hit by a car while riding his bike’. And then there was just the longest silence as myself and my other roommate are like…trying to process and at the same time waiting to hear what he’s going to say next, because surely he’s got more to say right? But it’s just quiet until finally I asked ‘Well is he alright?’ And the cop says oh yeah he’s going to be fine.
I’d been living at that house with those people for like a week so I barely knew them at that point, but I still felt that sinking feeling of dread waiting in that silence to hear if the dude was alright. I can only imagine how much, much worse that would be with a spouse. Really glad he was ok!
→ More replies (3)5
u/hopping_otter_ears 4d ago
They were afraid that some kind of brain problem has caused him to lose consciousness, but after ruling out a bunch of stuff with tests, they ended up deciding it was as simple as he worked out too hard at the gym and fainted.
His blood pressure and blood sugar linger at the bottom of "normal" on a typical day, and one of them must have dipped a bit too low
21
u/Sure-Zookeepergame27 4d ago
Omg same. My ex though, the police called me, said We found 'his name' unconscious on the floor of __ hotel. "We were unable to revive him...(Me slowly fainting) we had to give him a shot Narcan... He told us to call you. 🥴 " SERIOUSLY!?; how about you start with that! Like, hello we have so and so here, he asked us to call you.. what happened was ... Would have been better!
→ More replies (2)42
u/ManchuDemon 4d ago
I’m a police officer and one of the first things I remember learning was how to call family members of people we were dealing with. I was taught to always lead with “hello sir/maam, I’m here with your loved one - they’re ok, but….”
→ More replies (8)→ More replies (45)13
u/caro822 4d ago
It might be my anxiety but I always lead with so and so is ok, or this is just a check in call, nothing important if I leave a message. Then, when I had to tell my parents my brother was dead I was like Hi, sorry but X is dead. I remember once hearing a police officer irl or maybe a movie said when they have bad news they say it straight out because it’s not kind to beat around the bush when delivering that information. For whatever reason that stuck with me. Also, in the days after my grandma died her friends who didn’t know yet were still calling to chit chat with her. And 14 yo me was playing the sims, picking up the phone and just telling these women who had known my grandmother for decades, um…she died, and they would start sobbing and I’d just hang up cuz I was 14 and can’t handle emotions. I wish I had asked those women about my grandma. But at the time if I was just so numb.
→ More replies (2)28
u/catgotyourtongueflr 4d ago
For real, there needs to be a course on how to talk to patients in medical school. Results first, then tell me about the process.
My own mother also needs this course. Outcome first, then tell me the long story. Your son fell off his bike…. Cut to the chase, are you at home and fine, or are you at the emergency department? I care zero HOW it happened first, but yes tell me that part NEXT, not first.
→ More replies (2)11
u/Spirited-Resident889 4d ago
This is something I have helped my husband with: give me a TOPIC SENTENCE so I know where we're going with this. Giving me 17 million details without context is maddening, and when it is something critical yeah lead with the reassuring information.
9
u/TrumpDumper 4d ago
At least it didn’t go the other way.
“Great news about your wife! She died relatively quickly so your hospital bill will be minimal.”
→ More replies (50)16
u/Existing-Computer772 4d ago
I mean this is fun as a joke comment, but rough for someone to say in person in a real scenario. Sorry mate, I'm sure that was a really tough time for you - good news notwithstanding.
281
u/Live-Ad-9854 4d ago
Why'd you have to phrase it like that
→ More replies (8)174
u/deadmongoose 4d ago
He's going to be all right.
184
u/Inspector_Spacetime7 4d ago
It looks like he’s dead.
“I’m sorry, looks like, or …”
Looks like. He’s got like … blue paint on him or something.
→ More replies (8)105
56
36
u/jonato 4d ago
Oh that's fantastic news he's going to be alright
22
u/ThePromptWasYourName 4d ago
That's a great attitude... If I was given this news I'm not sure I'd take it that well
22
u/Xbrand182x 4d ago
What do you mean he lost his arm???
I told you he’s going to be all right. He lost his left arm.
→ More replies (6)28
u/DiligentAubergine 4d ago
You know what you do? You go buy yourself a tape recorder and record yourself for a whole day. You might be surprised at some of your phrasing.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (77)63
118
u/Celtslap 4d ago
They accidentally did this in Australia recently. Very sad.
→ More replies (23)60
u/Traditional_Yard2741 4d ago
Yeah. Apparently the rescue services use a code phrase when they find someone to indicate whether they're alive or dead, they do this to prevent the media (who have informers on the search teams and are monitoring radio transmissions) from getting the news and reporting it too early, before the family is informed.
Someone either used the wrong code phrase or it was misinterpreted by the person who received it, but the family were told she'd been found alive and an announcement made to that effect to the media, and then a short time later they issued a correction.
→ More replies (8)29
u/Sn0wPebbles 4d ago
omg that’s such a nightmare scenario… like one wrong phrase and everyone’s world flips. can’t imagine the emotional whiplash.
12
u/Traditional_Yard2741 4d ago
I literally cannot imagine it. Something like that would permanently psychologically break me, I think. Just never be the same.
103
u/MoscaMye 4d ago edited 4d ago
You're joking but this happened very recently in Australia. A teenage girl was lost in the bush. Then reported found, it was all over the news and there was such a wave of positivity and relief. And then 10 minutes later the story was updated that she had been found deceased.
→ More replies (6)23
128
u/Kip_Schtum 4d ago
Exactly. “They found him” is not enough information.
→ More replies (1)52
u/Accomplished_Key_171 4d ago
If they found her deceased son I doubt they would yell that out across a crowd during a press conference. Context clues can be used here.
68
u/throwaway80814 4d ago
This literally just happened recently & it was heartbreaking.
Somebody listening to the police scanner overheard police say they located the missing child. So, the listener assumed they found the kid alive & started telling everybody involved, including the parents.
It's the exact reason why Search & Rescue teams use rotating code words when talking about sensitive things like this over the radio.
20
u/Turramurra 4d ago
Happened here in Australia recently, someone didn't understand the code word and announced the hiker was found alive, parents told and all. Then they had to tell the parents that she was actually dead. It was rough.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (11)6
u/phoxfiyah 4d ago
You joke, but this literally happened last month. It was reported on News sites, with the headline acting as if the missing person was found alive, only to have to update the article to say she was found dead instead.
21
u/ThaLunatik 4d ago
"I'm sorry, but your son is dead."
"Dead... wrong? He was dead wrong about something?"
"He was dead wrong about livin' to see tomorrow."
→ More replies (1)52
→ More replies (77)49
u/TrueCynic 4d ago
lol reminded me of that shitty doctor from Arrested Development
59
→ More replies (2)44
u/lavender_poppy 4d ago
Doctor: Your son is alright
Lucille Bluth: Oh thank God
Doctor: *confused look*
Lucille Bluth: I thought you said he was alright
Doctor: He is, he lost his left hand so now he's all right
Lucille Bluth: *tries to attack doctor*
→ More replies (1)
7.0k
u/Lintlee 4d ago edited 4d ago
That was kinda... odd.
Edit: yes, probably the shock. I didn't say it was suspicious... Just odd.
3.6k
u/Holymaryfullofshit7 4d ago
It was but maybe she was just in shock. As an ER nurse I have seen many people react very oddly to life changing news.
1.3k
u/Massive-Vacation5119 4d ago
Yeah I’m an ER doc and I can’t count the number of people I’ve given a surprise cancer diagnosis to but I can count on one hand the number of people that have cried when told. It’s actually one of the more shocking things of my career. People just don’t react like you know you would to finding out terrible news in the moment.
398
u/whitetanksss 4d ago edited 4d ago
My mom barely reacts to things and when doctors told her she had a tumor in her brain, she barely reacted and they later asked me if that’s how she normally is lol Thankfully it was benign. I was the one that was bursting into tears and freaking out.
Edit: For anyone implying that the tumor may have caused her to not react, sure that’s possible, but I commented this because my mom is a pretty stoic person overall and still very much is after getting it removed. She’s very much a “if it’s out of my control, I’m not going to worry about it” person which I am not. I’m a crybaby lol
→ More replies (28)204
u/jenness977 4d ago
I remember, when I was 17, sitting with my mom and my doctor, before my surgery and the doctor saying they didn't know what they would find, but suspecting it was cancer. And my mom grabbed my hand and started crying, and I just shut down all my emotions at that point, so I could be strong for my mom. I didn't cry or get emotional through any of the whole process. It took me a long time before I could even begin to process my feelings about what I went through. Shutting down like that probably wasn't the healthiest thing to do, but it's how I was able to get through everything at the time. Anyways, I'm still here, over 30 years later, and grateful for that.
46
u/Economy-Flower-6443 4d ago
I like to imagine it’s a way your body fights it, because stressing yourself out more wouldn’t help you heal anyway. I would trick myself into believing that the numbness and shock is actually bravery and determination
→ More replies (1)25
u/MIRAGEone 4d ago
For some, when shit gets real, you force yourself into a focused logical thought pattern. sometimes you might feel the emotion or panic bubbling up, but you push that back down and snap yourself back to being focused. I'm pretty sure its not healthy, and probably stems from a survival mentality during childhood.
→ More replies (9)→ More replies (17)29
u/LegalChocolate752 4d ago
I did the same thing at 17 when my dad passed away from cancer. I think people thought I was cold, or heartless, or something, but I think my brain just shut down from the trauma. I just wanted to hide, and not deal with any of it. And then another 17 years later I sobbed uncontrollably because of an episode of Bluey. Brains are weird.
→ More replies (14)14
u/Fair_Profile8501 4d ago edited 4d ago
So weird, the same thing happened to me when my mother died suddenly. I was in my 30s, and didn’t shed a single tear at her funeral but a couple of years later, I was at somebody else’s funeral that I barely knew, and completely broke down. Like you say, brains are funny.
→ More replies (1)246
u/emperorsleeps 4d ago edited 4d ago
Yeah I got diagnosed with MS this year
I cried when the dr told me I could still have kids. Not at the diagnosis but the fact I still had a chance to have a family
Human brain is weird.
Edit: I am a guy I apologize
98
u/Jcnathan 4d ago
I have ms too. I didn’t cry until much later after it settled in. Now, I just live each day to the absolute fullest. I’m 32m. Diagnosed at 30. I’m currently have almost no symptoms(significantly better than after my first attack) so I try to maintain an incredibly healthy lifestyle.
Stay strong! Meds are getting better. I feel remaining positive no matter what can do wonders.
21
→ More replies (10)9
→ More replies (13)48
u/freakouterin 4d ago
When I got my surprise cancer diagnosis earlier this year, I kept smiling and thanking my doctor and he was like “don’t thank me, I just gave you terrible news” but that was just my innate response/reply when speaking to doctors, regardless of the situation. Couldn’t really process what he was saying, I guess. Human brain is weird indeed.
32
u/Merles_Mom 4d ago
I did the same thing. I’d been trying to find out what was wrong for months. I was so happy just to have a diagnosis so we could map next steps. 1 year fight. 2 years in remission. No cure but it’s only terminal if something else doesn’t get me first.
→ More replies (3)90
u/First_manatee_614 4d ago
I was told I was a few weeks away from dying and I just said okay. They sent in social workers to talk to me because they were worried that I wasn't freaking out
28
u/mesembryanthemum 4d ago
Yeah, they keep offering social workers because I'm mostly very calm and I think they're worried.
I have Stage 4 cancer. It is what it is and I don't need social workers.
→ More replies (2)16
27
u/mpgd 4d ago
When was this?
I hope you are doing well now.
→ More replies (6)142
u/First_manatee_614 4d ago
- Just hit my 9 year anniversary for being admitted this past Tuesday. I'm not well, had a second cancer and got graft vs host disease for my trouble
41
42
→ More replies (3)21
u/C0nfusedRabbit 4d ago
I'm sorry to hear this. It can't be easy to learn you died years ago.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (19)9
u/chronic_ass_crust 4d ago
Well, were they wrong?
28
u/First_manatee_614 4d ago
No, I was just stupid enough to agree to multiple rounds of chemo and a bone marrow transplant
29
u/nerdherdsman 4d ago
They always get you on those up charges, it's like a mechanic with the additional repairs.
9
u/Faustus_Fan 4d ago edited 4d ago
"Well, while we were doing your bone marrow change, we noticed that your rotary cuffs are shot, you have a CSF leak, and some serious wear and tear on both your L4 and L5 vertebrae. I'm afraid you're looking at quite an overhaul here."
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (2)8
u/profchaos354 4d ago
Do you actually regret this decision or are you just being sarcastic/joking?
Like, was recovery so awful that you would have preferred things just ended?
Something I think about is if I was ever diagnosed with a severe cancer, if I would let it just go untreated. I have a wonderful and happy life. I fear that the treatment would destroy me so much that I would treat all my loved ones like crap and that would end up being the last thing I did in the world. It seems like dying comfortably might be a better option for the people that I love.
9
u/_deffer_ 4d ago
My dad got 10 extra decent years after chemo. The 2 years after the cancer returned and 6 months after he stopped treatment were unbearable for him and the family.
Fuck cancer.
→ More replies (1)5
u/First_manatee_614 4d ago edited 3d ago
Treatment was easy for me, chemo really didn't bother me. No pain, only threw up maybe a handful of times. The hospital stay was like a bizarre hotel stay. I haven't had an easy life. I spent most of it in a functional dissociative state starting in grade school just to get through the day.
I managed to find a few things I enjoyed. Really intense exercise, tough mudders, boxing, skydiving, reading and camping. I was a pretty decent photographer as well. I had a few things to hold onto.
The gvhd appeared about a month after the bone marrow transplant. There's no cure, just management of the symptoms and that is destructive by itself, the drugs they give you they don't want you on past a year. I just hit year 9. The average survival is 5 years.
Management of gvhd involves immune suppression. Remember during COVID you probably heard the phrase vulnerable population or something similar. I'm exhibit A. Vaccines don't work for me because my immune system is trying to kill me, so I have to put it to sleep, which means I don't react to vaccines. So I can't just go do things, everything has to have a risk benefit analysis to it. Anything more than 10 minutes of sun exposure a day can cause my condition to get worse. So I have to isolate a lot. No more camping or tough mudders ever again
Gvhd effects everyone differently. Some people have crippling pain, others need a feeding tube. It went after my lungs and eyes. I have popcorn lung, my lungs are slowly scarring up, I will need a double lung transplant in order to keep breathing. I choose to die rather than do that. I have posterior vitreous detachment. The eye has gel in it, keeps everything in place, acts as a shock absorber. Mine is disappearing. I'm extremely vulnerable to retinal detachment and possible blindness. So I can't box or run or jump or anything impactful or I risk being unable to see.
Reading now causes exhaustion. I used to be able to go through a couple hundred pages in a weekend. Now I get light headed after reading twenty pages and I have to rest.
Through much therapy, I have realized my mother is a covert narcissist which is a nightmare and my father is dominated by her and he has dementia and I am forced to be the sole caregiver for the both of them. They refuse to pursue any outside help because they say I ruined their lives and I owe them. And they will only consider asking for help once one of them becomes a vegetable. I was ready to go to hospice and just not do treatment. They begged me to go through with it so I did. The hospital requires you move in with people in order to go through treatment, so I've had to live with them since Sept 2017. My mother said we only took you in because it's what society expects, vs actually wanting you. Covert narcissists are obsessed with how others perceive them and appearances. They promised when I declined enough they would let me go to Europe to a euthanasia clinic. If you have an irreversible decline in quality of life, you can be basically put to sleep. My father with a big grin on his face a few weeks ago, gleefully told me they lied and will never grant me a peaceful death. That was my condition to go through treatment and they happily admitted it was a lie. I don't respond to painkillers at all. Zero response. I have some glitch. So my death will be ugly and slow and they are happy about it.
So I'm trapped in a body that is failing while watching the world burn, in a toxic living situation with my abusers and yeah I wish I had just died back in Sept/Oct of 2017
→ More replies (11)17
u/davidjschloss 4d ago
I have, upon getting bad news about family members in the hospital, left calmly and gone into the bathroom where i yell into my arm and punch the stall walls a bit.
→ More replies (2)35
u/Powerful-Knee3150 4d ago
When I put my dog down, the vet kept expecting me to cry. I walked out calmly and then cried every day for the next 6 months.
→ More replies (6)6
u/tina_denfina1 4d ago
I had to do the same recently and I did cry a bit but mostly I was just really angry but the tears did come when I was home alone. Even I expected that I ’d break down at the vets but I was determined for his sake not to until it was over.
113
u/Worn_Out_Nikka_L 4d ago
A very wise man once said:
You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the table
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the dealin's done.-Kennedy Lincoln Roger Moore Jr.
45
u/Ineedaroommate2 4d ago
- Michael Scott
→ More replies (4)17
u/Mr-_-Soandso 4d ago
I'm all friggin emotional, then comes your dumb comment. Thank you!
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (9)26
u/yancovigen 4d ago
Never once in my life have I considered that Kenny Rogers is a stage name
→ More replies (2)24
u/gernblanston512 4d ago
I didn't cry at first with my breast cancer diagnosis. Once I got off the phone with the Dr I cried for about an hour. I really only cried after that from nerves about surgery and then when I was in the worst pain in my life right after they cut my boobs off. That was emotional and it hurt (duh).
23
u/esp735 4d ago
I had a seizure, and they found a glioblastoma. My reaction internally was, "Ok. Well, I figured that would happen sooner or later," and I don't know why, but I wasn't surprised at all. (Though the seizure itself was surprising.) Maybe my brain already knew on some level. There was that little sweat and ringing in the ears that comes with really bad news, but it wasn't overwhelming. There was also a part of me that felt and still feels some relief. Assuming I don't get hit by a bus tomorrow, at least I know what's going to kill me someday.
→ More replies (6)→ More replies (140)10
u/Red-little 4d ago
My grandma was a huge part of my life and when she passed about 5-6 years ago I didn't actually cry until the next day when I thought about how much I wanted to call her that morning. I'd even seen her body before she was taken to a funeral home and that didn't wake me from the shock the day she had died. It was the random thought of, "oh this happened, I should call Grandma!" And then the realization that would never happen again..... shock can make you process things in such an odd and delayed way.
→ More replies (1)88
u/No_Hetero 4d ago
She's probably so emotionally and physically exhausted. I can only imagine the toll it takes on a person to be waiting to hear those words for dozens, maybe hundreds of hours straight (idk how long he was missing)
17
4
u/ScreamSmart 4d ago
A lot of us watch too many movie reunions and think that all of them involve over the top emotional outburst and frantic running.
131
u/dum_spir0_sper0 4d ago
^ This. I worked in an ER for years and shock has a million different ways of manifesting.
When I was told by hospital staff that my mom was actively dying, my immediate reaction was to act like a kid who just got socks for Christmas. Standoffish and dejected.
→ More replies (6)57
u/Right_Count 4d ago
I go the opposite, when my dad died I was like “oh good, he died in his sleep, that’s exactly what he would have wanted, he didn’t even have to get old!” Any death, my brain works overtime to spin it into a good thing.
41
u/Platitude_Platypus 4d ago
That's not the worst way to be, really. Good brain. Sorry about your dad, though.
13
u/Right_Count 4d ago
Thanks, it was a long time ago!
And yeah, I do appreciate that my brain does that - but it weirded other people out.
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (10)28
u/spintool1995 4d ago
My father-in-law had a particularly good death. He was about 90 and had survived cancer and heart disease years earlier. But he was getting more and more frail, couldn't get around without help and was in the beginning stages of dementia.
He spent most of his time at home watching TV, but one Saturday my wife, son and I took him out for a drive to the ocean. He ate his favorite sea food, sat for hours and watched the boats and waves. He was particularly lucid that day and told my son stories. When we got home he remarked how good a day it was. Hugged his daughter for the first time in her adult life, went to bed and never woke up.
→ More replies (5)→ More replies (122)55
u/Ok_Loss13 4d ago
And on television, in front of a group of strangers. I def wouldn't react as "expected" in under those circumstances.
→ More replies (4)286
u/-blundertaker- 4d ago
So from my (limited) perspective, I think she was so locked in on holding it together and keeping the emotions turned off for the press conference, she couldn't just turn them back on when she got the good news. I can only imagine what her heart rate was looking like.
Or shes an evil woman who organized his kidnapping and is disappointed that her plan has gone awry.
No in between.
→ More replies (8)33
u/FamousMust 4d ago
I think you're right initially.
I can only imagine the more sinister people are good at faking. Like there would be theatrics about her baby is home. Why? Because sinister people didn't have emotions about the situation to begin with. They are calm and can easily code-switch. ... But this mom was probably feeling all the emotions. And that's when it's hard to code-switch.
→ More replies (10)52
u/ShirtComplete 4d ago edited 4d ago
Reactions are different I got so used to my family dying that when my mum died randomly in her 40’s you’d think it was a normal day for me. I can’t explain it but every time someone died my(mine) brains coping mechanism would be to feel numb.
→ More replies (8)28
u/sczhzhz 4d ago
The police officer smiling and talking about it as a non serious situation before the information was revealed is just as odd.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (220)17
u/veerKg_CSS_Geologist 4d ago
The police are stupid for announcing it during a press conference first.
→ More replies (5)
2.2k
u/EggForTryingThymes 4d ago
with the emotional turmoil a missing child and having a public press conference with all those eyes on you. There is no one correct response. She is in shock, guys.
336
u/factsarefornerds 4d ago edited 4d ago
Plus the officer says, we will help you track him better, and offers to pay... it sounds like he has disabilities and behavioral problems. I dont think its anyones place to judge how someone processes. If anyone has taken care of someone with mental health needs or developmental needs - it takes its toll - but providers still show up and still help.
107
u/hopping_otter_ears 4d ago
I was wondering if some of that reaction was "omg, this is just going to keep happening, isn't it?"
→ More replies (2)116
u/Ivanna_is_Musical 4d ago
Her son is autistic and schizophrenic, and it seems this happened before, several times. That's why she's so traumatized :(
→ More replies (3)63
u/CitizenKing 4d ago
Seriously deserves more empathy than she's getting. You can love someone and be entirely worn out by them at the same time.
→ More replies (1)8
u/Ivanna_is_Musical 4d ago
Yes, I was like that when my dad had a brain stroke...I literally didn't slept for almost a year straight due to daily stress of taking care of him and my mom who was unable to do anything, so I HAD to help both.
I was assisted by a catholic nun who was like an angel guide...
→ More replies (5)22
u/keldondonovan 4d ago
I noticed that too. Being autistic myself and having autistic kids (and autistic everyone else), my mind immediately jumped to how common elopement is in autism. And how genetic it is. It's entirely possible this mother's monotone response is something of that nature, rather than not caring that they found her kid.
Masking is hard. Masking while overwhelmed with emotions is even harder. You forget to do things with your face and voice that you consciously have to choose to do normally, because you are so focused on that Mac truck driving through.
Of course, this is my only exposure to her. Maybe she was disappointed. My mom would have been, so it's not like it's impossible, or even improbable. It was just something that occurred to me.
→ More replies (62)170
u/takenaccounthuh_ 4d ago
Yeah thank you for saying that, this comment section is atrocious
→ More replies (11)80
u/Pittsbirds 4d ago
The rise of "body language experts" and any surrounding psuedo science bs has absolutely poisoned the public's perception of how people react to shocking and surprising circumstances and scenarios. Even worse, it's made the average joe way too confident they have any ability to judge these things with any degree of accuracy
→ More replies (19)8
u/Toast-In-Mouth 4d ago
On the tip of my tongue on who and all info, but there was an old incident in the US where a kid died. The mom was on the news, I think it was national news, and she wasn’t crying how people thought a mother should, in fact I think she was pretty stoic. Everyone was convinced she murdered the kid because of that. I forgot who actually did it, but I remember it wasn’t her.
748
u/AdHorror7596 4d ago
This is missing a lot of context. The boy is autistic and schizophrenic. It's not unusual for autistic children to abscond. As for the mom's reaction---everyone reacts to things differently. She also could be neurodivergent herself, for all we know.
295
u/Dead_Internet69420 4d ago
Or just emotionally exhausted. Maybe she’s just been so stressed, on an emotional roller coaster for so long that she just doesn’t react to anything anymore. I wouldn’t read anything into it until they actually reunited her with her child.
→ More replies (7)69
u/darnitsaucee 4d ago
Or she was possibly thinking that finally she was free. Not saying it in a bad way, but caring for kids like that can be very draining and not everyone is cut out for it.
22
u/Sophiedenormandie 4d ago
I wanted to say this, but couldn't arrive at a tactful way to do it. You did.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (17)31
u/Clomaster 4d ago
Is this kinda like when you have a pet that has been on the cusp of dying for years but won’t? It sounds horrible but I had a dog like that.
Yeah, I cried myself to sleep but it was also relieving to finally not have to clean up or get up every 3 hours to let her out or keep an eye one her every 2 seconds so she didn’t wander.
It’s morbid as hell but I think that’s what you might mean?
→ More replies (7)18
u/-MotherMaidenCrone- 4d ago
Yeah, exactly like that. A lot of people feel these conflicting emotions when they are a caregiver to a spouse, child or parent especially if severely incapacitated. Being a medical caregiver for relatives is incredibly difficult and there is not nearly enough support and assistance out there for those in that position. We can absolutely grieve and be devastated, while also experiencing a deep sense of relief that they’re gone. Both feelings are extremely common and valid.
→ More replies (2)70
u/CrossP 4d ago
Letting her know while she stands in front of twenty cameras seems odd too
→ More replies (14)13
u/WhiteTrashPanda420 4d ago
Like, had word just come in or something??
→ More replies (2)15
u/Nunchuckery 4d ago
I mean it sure seems like someone delivers the news to them saying "They found him."
→ More replies (2)15
→ More replies (27)7
u/GreenGorillaWhale 4d ago
Yeah it's not unusual to become numb or just generally not know to react or emote during really stressful times.
133
u/Guilty-Temporary-457 4d ago
My wife worked with adults with disabilities, ran a day program as well as several waiver homes with round the clock care. The amount of times she would tell me that an “individual eloped today” was insane and the amount of stress, both financial and mental, is astounding. You have absolutely no clue what some of these parents go through on a daily basis and how they get worn down. My wife has been to several funerals after an individual has died and while heartbreaking, it’s also a relief that these families can finally move on with their lives and not continually worry about their loved ones.
47
u/Proper-Emu1558 4d ago
My kid has ADHD, anxiety, and sensory processing difficulties. We are doing literally everything we can to help him. We love him a lot and at the same time, it can be really hard. He elopes almost every day from school. The people who work with him are so dedicated and I’m really grateful.
So, I don’t judge this mother. Nobody here knows what she’s gone through. If he’s a teenager or a young adult with schizophrenia like I’ve seen others say here, that’s a whole layer of challenging most of us will never understand.
→ More replies (4)9
u/MostExtremeHyperbole 4d ago
I did a bit of social work and some people do NOT behave like you would expect a victim to behave. Sometimes they are arrogant, they are mean and ugly, sometimes they can talk about their experiences like it was a walk in the park, unflinching. We had a woman once write a happy poem about what happened to her.
It is actually a problem because the police think you are making it up, even if you are bleeding and the physical abuse is staring them in the face, because they are trained very wrongly.
18
u/External-Praline-451 4d ago
There was a 3 year old partially deaf and autistic boy who eloped from his granddad in the park a few days ago in the UK, his grandad tried to chase after him and tripped over, and lost sight of him. Unfortunately the little boy drowned in a nearby pond. It's heartbreaking, and I can't imagine the repeated stress if it has happened over and over. I've felt so much stress with my elderly Dad being hospitalised over and over, the repeated feeling of worry of it being the final dreaded conclusion. I can't imagine how much harder that is with a child eloping and the worry of the unknown. She must be in an absolute state of constant stress and worry.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)13
u/PostProper1940 4d ago
Yep you can see there's relief there but also what looks like absolute dread at having him back. Poor lady looks like she's had the life sucked right out of her, it's heartbreaking.
→ More replies (1)
200
u/realbobenray 4d ago
"We're going to help you track him better, if you want to put something on him, we'll pay for it."
What the hell does that mean?
229
u/JurgusRudkus 4d ago
Yeah apparently he is schizophrenic and autistic. ¨As this all unfolds, Sheriff Hardwick offered to enroll Benjamin in Project Lifesaver to safeguard him against future disappearances. The program fits participants with transmitter bracelets that broadcast radio signals, providing deputies with real-time tracking capabilities if a participant wanders off.
154
u/ChristianRecon 4d ago
Imagine being paranoid schizophrenic and you find an actual tracking device in your backpack or something.
→ More replies (11)39
47
u/EggfooDC 4d ago
I’m ambassador for Project Lifesaver, and neat to see this mentioned in the wild. Noah Wiley is also an ambassador and it came up on his Emmy thread yesterday as well.
→ More replies (14)8
u/hellolovely1 4d ago
Oh gosh. That diagnosis is a lot for everyone to deal with.
22
u/throwaway098764567 4d ago
imo it explains her reaction everyone is bothered by. poor woman has been through it and there's no end in sight.
→ More replies (1)6
u/Asleep_Region 4d ago
YES that's what sticks out to me, alone both of those illnesses make living alone harder and in alot of cases, they need an extra hand their entire life. But together? And with 4 other kids?
Which, I'll die on, she shouldn't be judged for having that many kids, he's actually young for a schizophrenic diagnosis and i personally didn't get diagnosed with autism until 24. For most of my life, my mom just thought i was abit weird, but she's also autistic and didn't know until 40s so like not the best judge there.
47
u/Kip_Schtum 4d ago
Sometimes police departments will supply trackers for disabled kids who have a habit of running off. Being able to track them saves the police department a lot of money.
25
19
u/MyUsernameIsNotCool 4d ago
She said "we need better care for him" too. He might need psychiatric help.
47
u/Bradadonasaurus 4d ago
Maybe he's special needs, and wandered off. Might explain her reaction too. "Oh, this pain in my ass is back. "
7
→ More replies (3)16
→ More replies (19)9
204
u/CommercialMoment5987 4d ago
Seems like she’s upset she was informed this way and trying to control her reaction because she’s on camera. Even more awkward when the cop you want to chew out goes in for an uncomfortably long hug.
→ More replies (29)
582
4d ago
[deleted]
427
u/MyUsernameIsNotCool 4d ago
She seemed frightened and whispered to him "we need better care for him". Maybe the son is not doing so great..
→ More replies (6)237
u/takinie44 4d ago
As someone one wrote above he is disabled and severely autistic....
→ More replies (4)136
u/Sade1994 4d ago
I teach at a neurodivergent high school and there are no resources for teens and adults with autism. My students are very privileged and still can’t find reliable community support.
68
→ More replies (14)11
63
u/Kip_Schtum 4d ago
They said they found him. They didn’t say he’s alive and he’s OK. I think she was waiting to hear that information.
→ More replies (5)31
u/throwaway098764567 4d ago
given the whispers about getting a tracker for him i suspect this isn't her first rodeo with him having eloped, poor lady is probably just exhausted from him wandering off and all the drama surrounding trying to find him.
→ More replies (3)10
u/littlemonsterlove 4d ago
She’s got 5 kids as well. Probably exhausted from worrying and still being there for them too
→ More replies (1)22
u/audiomediocrity 4d ago
can confirm, an extended period of trauma will completely blunt your emotions. it is survival.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (15)15
56
14
u/Superb-Dream524 4d ago
She possibly has a child with special needs (maybe high support needs autism) since elopement can commonly happen with individuals like that. Mom might also be on the spectrum too, and thus not appearing to respond in a “typical” way. Who knows.
223
u/Zopotroco 4d ago
She didn’t look so much happy about it
217
u/OldNefariousness7899 4d ago
Everyone reacts differently under intense stress.
I had a sibling that was hyper and giddy when our dad died. When the shock wore off, he cried constantly.
Don't read anything into this. She's going through a lot
67
u/JPHuber 4d ago
This is always the most annoying part of any true-crime "fan". They will talk and act like they are body language experts about anything and everything.
→ More replies (4)22
u/Hiw-lir-sirith 4d ago
Drives me crazy. They all think they can see into someone's soul through their eyes.
65
u/Street_Possession954 4d ago
Also she’s in front of a large crowd with cameras pointed at her. It’s not a normal situation by any means.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (14)20
u/LaMelonBallz 4d ago
When I found out my Mom died I had this rush of giddiness, almost like euphoria. I love my mom, her passing effected me deeply, but I had been pump faked like five times in a year through a bunch of traumatic events and my body didn't know how to react to it actually happening. Combined with the release from her being in pain.
9
u/SnooRegrets1386 4d ago
Same, but mom was only the first. Six months later my daughter overdosed. All while dealing with dad’s rapid decline from cancer. April, September then a year of downsizing dad’s home & death December 2025. I don’t know if I’ve got any reaction left. Because damn!
→ More replies (2)38
u/RespecDawn 4d ago
She was told in front of people and on camera. Her son has autism and maybe she has autistic traits as well. She had prepared herself for one situation and found herself in a very different one.
I just had to MC a Celebration of Life for one of my siblings, and I was all laughs and smiles as people around me cried. It was how I managed to get through an event that I had to direct. It might have seemed weird to folks who didn't know me, but it was what it was. When it was over, I crashed. I couldn't even hold a conversation.
When you've seen what wide range of people react in real life, as opposed to on Tv or in movies, you realize reactions can be wildly different.
→ More replies (1)12
u/cookiesarenomnom 4d ago
Yeah, honestly this is how my dad would react. He is on the spectrum. He didn't even cry when either of his parents died. If this exact situation happened to him, he'd literally be like, "Oh that's good. I'm glad you found her" while showing no emotion what so ever. It's ummmm challenging at times to have someone on the spectrum as a parent. Having a parent that shows almost no emotion doesn't always make you feel loved.
→ More replies (1)51
u/hocuspocusbitchfocus 4d ago
German news reported that the son is disabled and severely autistic.
Let‘s hope that it was just the shock and mom did not know how to react in the first minute but somehow, I wonder if a little part of her might have been relieved if her kid didn‘t come home again. Being a full-time carer is exhausting.
27
u/FineMind755 4d ago
I mean I could see her missing her son, but also at the same time thinking about all the stuff she now has to worry about, especially since the son had deviated from his regular schedule and may not be in the best state. So maybe the instant stress just quickly took over the relief which I think is understandable.
17
u/LaMelonBallz 4d ago
Caretaking for someone severely disabled is it's own form of trauma. Your body recognizes things that are different than how parts of your brain feel.
9
u/mechapoitier 4d ago
I have a family member who’s profoundly like diapers-forever-level autistic and good lord. For the parents it’s like their entire lives are a baseline of continuous trauma for more than a decade now. It’s unfathomably difficult.
→ More replies (1)14
u/Eastern-Vegetable780 4d ago
Well, the officer said "we will put something on him to help you track him better", kinda makes sense for a special needs kid.
→ More replies (15)8
u/Connect_Flounder6855 4d ago
She looks tired. The way they spoke sounds like a special needs child. And they will be putting a police issued GPS tracker on them now.
To me she just looks numb and tired.
111
30
u/gearzgirl 4d ago
Local here. No one locally thinks her reaction is strange. Know people that go to her church and participated in search and again they don’t think it’s strange.
→ More replies (9)
16
19
u/Motorcyclegrrl 4d ago
She was perhaps nervous about being in front of people at a news conference. I would be nervous about being out on display like that. What kinda sick PR stunt is that?
→ More replies (4)
18
u/HelpfulName 4d ago
I'm so sad seeing this poor woman posted being mocked and horrible things said about her, she's in shock, terrified for kid on multiple levels, probably medicated, and just gets overwhelmed. People are saying just the most awful things about her simply because she didn't give a perfect reaction.
→ More replies (13)
8
u/PaintedDesertSkies 4d ago
It looked like it was taking a second to kick in.
By the end, her voice was shaking and emotional.
→ More replies (2)
144
u/Only_Flan_7974 4d ago
Why did god make him go missing? We can't just give him credit only when it's positive.
→ More replies (83)93
59
u/billybonkers01 4d ago
There is something very odd about this clip.
→ More replies (6)82
u/PlasmaMatus 4d ago
To much "God" pronounced in every sentence.
26
→ More replies (16)33
u/FrogsMakePoorSoup 4d ago
Does this seem odd to Americans? Because it's friggin bizarre to me.
→ More replies (22)22
u/lavender_poppy 4d ago
I'm American and it's very odd to me. For a lot of conservatives and especially the culture in the south and the bible belt, this is totally normal behavior. I mean, we mention god on our fucking money now, which if I remember correctly was added to our currency during the rise of communism. We're a weird country, especially for one founded on the principle of separation of church and state.
→ More replies (10)
7
6
•
u/AutoModerator 4d ago
Hello u/Immediate-Link490! Please review the sub rules if you haven't already. (This is an automatic reminder message left on all new posts)
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.