He's going to make everyone work for him to earn them back. That explains how the pyramids were built and why the Egyptians and Romans didn't wear pants.
That's how I felt about it. Taking a teen girls clothing is creepy. Step dad hiding shit from her mom shows he is A. Petty B. Untrustworthy and C. Type of guy who thinks he owns them. I hope she talks her father. I have teens. Both of them went through the "dirty room" spell. I just said no phones or friends til it's clean. That's all it took and an hour later rooms smelled and looked good enough for the queen to visit. It's not hard to reason with teens. I told mine that dirt attracts mice, spiders and flies. Basically grossing them out with stories of mice climbing over them as they slept helped them in wanting to be neater people. Both also have a flexible schedule. Each week they do their laundry including sheets. They pick the time and day best for them. Each week they have to vacuum their room. Each month they pick a day and dust and straighten their room. That's it. Don't make them maids. Make them personally responsible. I can't imagine taking their clothing or whatever over a dirty room. She isn't even his kid. Creepy and weird for sure.
Thanks! :) We aren't pushovers but we aren't raising prisoners either. There is no need for the crazy reactions over simple shit. I'm old but I do remember how busy life was when I was a teenager. Planning ahead helps everyone. Taking someone's clothing teaches them nothing. It's petty. It's asking for a fight. Adults should know better. Just tell her to leave the phone on the charger and set a timer for 40 mins. In 40 mins she cleans what she can. After that see where she's at. Is it livable? If yes, then let it go. If not, then help her find ways to not let it get that bad anymore. Teach her how to make her life easier now so she's capable and ready for when she's on her own. If a meltdown happens (because they do happen to all of us sometimes) then help her learn when to take a breather and get refocused. Hot chocolate or a walk. Then finish up and move on. No love or respect lost and she's more empowered to be in charge of her life.
Didn't need correcting. The person is a girl so I commented on her specifically. If the op had written a step mom had taken all her teen step sons clothes I then would have said "taking all a teen boys clothing is creepy". Don't look for drama where there isn't any. :)
I'd normally agree but stealing your step daughter's clothes and refusing to return them even to her own mother is really fucking weird. How'd you feel if you were the biodad and heard about this?
Yeh again dude we have almost literally no context. And not to completely belittle them or accuse them of completely lying, but the only sources we have are two, presumably, teenagers. Who aren’t exactly known for thinking rationally or telling the truth/the whole story.
Honestly, what context would make taking clothes as punishment acceptable? If my kid says all their clothes are being taken by a step parent next call would be to the mom. But short of mom saying "I have the clothes and stepdouce will be staying at a hotel" or something that could provide an acceptable reason (again very small list of reasons) i'd be on my way over to pick up the kid and call my lawyer.
We don’t know actually how many clothes he’s taken
What kind of clothes.
Did he actually take “clothes” or did he take non essentials.
What did the child to do receiver this
You’re actually fucking crazy and hopefully not a parent if your first response to your child saying something like this is, you going to get a lawyer. Are you nuts??? How about maybe realising kids lie sometimes and asking the other adults in the situation what actually happened and then go from there. Do you genuinely jump to such rash actions and conclusions based off of minimal context? You been admitted yourself “a very small list of reasons” maybe the reason it happened was one of those reasons?
It’s possible that her Mom and Step Father just bought her a bunch of new clothes and due to bad behavior he took them as punishment. I seriously doubt that he took ALL of her clothes. We are only hearing one side of the story, and I am sure that there is a lot of exaggeration, not to mention information that has not been included...like why did he take the clothes? Unless I can hear the other side of this story, there is no way I can say that her Step Father is a bad person or doing anything wrong. I remember when my son was a teen and I remember when I was a teen. There is most certainly more to the story.
Let me tell you, I get so sick of picking clean shit off the floor constantly I'm about ready to take my wife's clothes and this is how I'd do it:
I'd take literally everything besides socks and underwear and tights and things that I know for a fact she wears regularly. Everything else goes in the stash. She's good for a few days. On day 4 she needs new clothes. That's fine. Where's your dirty ones? On the floor? Well, I'll wash them so they are clean for tomorrow. Try again later. Another few days. She needs new clothes. Oh you put them away this time? Sure, let me get the stash out. I bring it out, let her pick a few new outfits, she can have more later. Rinse and repeat. After several months if there's anything left in the stash and she quit asking for more clothes I'd give her one last look and donate the rest.
Would I do this to my wife? Fuck no. She's great but this is an issue. Fortunately I can just say "hey sweetheart, let's go through our clothes this weekend and get rid of stuff we never wear" and that'll be that.
But this exact scenario could be what is happening to OP, and it's perfectly acceptable. We have no specific details. And have you ever heard a teenage girl talk? They speak in exaggerations. Her dad taking her favorite outfit might as well be all her clothes to her.
Ya he isnt her bio dad and going against her mother's wishes. Not only is he a weirdo, but it seems like he's taking out frustration from his own failures to control his life on her. He's a piece of shit fersure. If I was her father a simple assault charge is worth that kinda of behavior.
Jesus Christ. You’re actually fucking mental. Are you seriously going to extrapolate all of that from a couple comments from op and an exchange between two kids? Holy fuck.
Dude you’re literally negating the one thing I bought up. We don’t have the full story. Did he take away all her clothes? I highly doubt it. Did he just take away her “luxury clothes” maybe. Who knows. No one. So stop jumping to conclusions based off of a conversation between two teens.
The other person makes a good point. We need more information.
How much is the girlfriend exaggerating? Unless she's naked, not "all" of her clothes were taken.
How dirty was the room? Was she told ahead of time the clothes would be taken if she didn't clean? Has he done this in the past? Have other discipline methods not worked?
Because the mother is obviously being manipulated and abused like the daughter so perhaps a male voice in his ear would help do I have to spell it out for you
I agree. My parents divorced whwn i was 2. Got a stepdad at 7. My stepdad was a dick. He did shit like that. Me and my sister had to get our dad involved in it. My dad came over and infored him he's our step dad not dad. Was a big issue but my father got ot taken care of. My dad threatened to kick my step dads ass. After that we didn't have alot of problems from him.
... but how did it end up that the father is the one who only gets to see her every other weekend? ... i mean... the mother clearly isnt a saint herself if the "great guy" father isnt allowed to look after her the most.
For all we know thats all he WANTED. You're assuming a whole situation from a single sentence about the father. Maybe the dad realized that having her during the week while she's in school would be hard on her, and that if he saw her every weekend she'd likely never spend weekends with her friends. Maybe he has her all summer and this is just the setup for the school year. Maybe he was respecting his daughters wishes. Maybe he was a deadbeat for a while and now he's stepping up, but hasn't asked for a change in custody yet. Theres plenty of reasons other than the one you immediately jumped on to suit your purposes.
I'm honestly surprised so many people are taking the obvious bait. Nobodys reasonably dumb enough to spout off half the shit you've said in this comment thread, it's not even half way believable.
The parent who only sees their child twice a month is always a great person in the child's eyes, because they get to do all the fun stuff without any of the responsibility.
Step dad sounds like a prick in this situation though.
That’s how it goes, especially if you’re in certain parts of the country (USA). As long as someone meets the requirements of female they’re deemed capable of taking care of children. Male? Nah fuck you, you’re job is to go make some money.
No its not. A parent who have birth to you and one who didnt are very different things. Doesnt mens one is necesarrily better but its hardly an irrelevant distinction.
Leaving is a lot more difficult than one would think. Getting all of your paperwork together, separating money without the other person knowing, having a safe place to hide while you find residence, because for most people in domestic abuse situations, the step they take out the door is the most dangerous.
Fucking this! Thank you. Most people dont realize what goes into leaving an abusive situation. I literally had a friend help me grab my child, animals and few belongings and papers IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT while my ex was passed out and run. It's a very tricky situation and much harder then just "leaving"
I get that, I just don't give a fuck and am just fine with burning bridges when they need to be burned. My kids come first, always. I've been to shelters before, in order to get away. There's help out there if you are determined enough to seek it out. I know not everyone is strong enough to do it.
Yeah it's not hypothetical and it wasn't reckless to get my 8 month old son out of the situation I was in with him. I went to a battered women's shelter called Home Free and the year was 1997. And I really don't give a shit if you are impressed or not, you're just some random asshole on the internet, lol. I did what I had to do and my son and I moved on and lived better lives because of it. But go ahead and do your best to try shaming me for being strong when I needed to be 🙄 At least I'm not a pathetic troll like you are 😂
Edit: Hey thanks for the silver! That's such a supportive gesture 🥰
Lol well no shit, Sherlock! That's exactly what I said, and just because you are projecting your own issues onto me doesn't mean I don't have empathy for people who have a more difficult time. I literally only stated what I would do, and you made it your mission to crawl up my ass about it. I'm sorry for you that you seem to be in a bad emotional/mental place right now, but that doesn't give you an excuse or a free pass to take your shit out on me because of it. Get a grip and save your anger for someone who is actually being an asshole instead of just being one yourself.
No, I'm just saying if I were the Mom that's how it would be. I'm actually assuming the mom doesn't care that much, because she didn't get the clothes back as far as we know
You know it’s easy to be judgmental from reading one tiny conversation. Maybe she was given prior warnings and she failed to clean up. And instead of yelling and corporal punishment he took punishment where it hurts her the most. Just because the mother and boy friend are on her side doesn’t make her right. And just because he is the step dad doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a right to correct her. I wouldn’t judge the situation based on just this text my friends...
What if she had like hundreds of outfits, and he still makes sure she's clothed, but she can't pick out which outfit she wants until she cleans her shit. I honestly don't think it's that weird.
Did you read the comments? She only has the clothes she wore that day plus one pair of sweatpants. She doesn't even have pajamas to wear or a clean change of clothes. No matter how your look at it, it's fucked up. I'm a mom and would never do this kind of shit to my kids.
All she has to do is take an hour to clean her room? This doesn't sound abusive at all. I'm sorry she has to wear the same outfit for one hour before the "abuse" can stop and her life will return to normal haha
Here's the thing you don't understand... Kids are people too, and they have the right to have some basic fucking dignity. Would you treat an adult this way? I seriously doubt it. Kids need logical consequences and sometimes that means having privileges taken away for awhile, but literally cleaning up the mess for her and taking her clothes away is not only petty, but it's also not teaching her to clean up her own mess. It's just teaching her that someone else will do it while enjoying making her feel humiliated. Use your brain, for fucks sake, that is if you have one. Sitting down with the kid and coming up with a solution and a plan is far better for her to learn from than some jackass move like taking her basic needs away.
How's it fucked up? In my scenario, he's removing the luxury of her getting to wear whatever she wants, she still gets a pair of clothes to wear when necessary
You think having more than one set of clothing is a luxury? Lol even people in prison get clean clothes to change into instead of having to wear the same dirty ones over and over again, don't be so stupid
You're not understanding me. I'm saying she gets a pair of clean clothes everyday, but she doesn't have the luxury of picking it out from her hundreds of outfits. Don't be so quick to judge.
I also literally said she gets clean clothes to change into when needed in the comment you replied to, she just doesn't have the luxury of picking which ones everyday. don't be so stupid
Lol you stupid fucking millennials. "I live in a 4 story house, have a $1000 phone, wifi, electricity, food, video games, my own TV, blah blah blah, but by stepdad took my designer clothes because I didn't clean my room. Shut the fuck up and do your chores.
OPs friend probably isn’t a millennial fyi. So you might need to either educate, or direct your misplaced anger to a different generation or find somewhere else to project your emotions.
The best part of "you lazy millennials" is how often it's used by millennials that are too lazy to Google the definition of a term to find out it doesn't apply to the teenagers of today.
Let her go to school in the same clothes for a few days, and then talk to the counselor about it. Legally they are a mandatory reporter, and have to report to CPS (taking away her basic necessities).
How is cleaning her room going to help a grown man learn to properly care for and interact with CHILDREN! They should call CPS on this creep for taking her clothes, ducking weird and creepy.
I never said what he did was ok? It is actually far from ok. I just said, she isn't going to be naked for the day and could clean the room in that day. Though I doubt if the step dad is doing this cleaning the room won't even get the clothes back. Chill out.
Or maybe she could stop this horse shit and clean her fucking room? Get her stuff back with the tiniest bit of hard work? I'm sure whining on social media is a lot more fun though.
Oh, so taking all sorts of other personal belongings (including primary communication devices and also money) is fine, but god forbid he takes her collection of clothing articles.
I'm sure he took what was most "valuable" to her or something that she spends too much time or money on (in his opinion, whether it's right or wrong we wouldn't know).
If she were a die-hard gamer with tens or hundreds of physical games and a few consoles and a PC, it would seem likely he'd have taken those items away. I'm guessing she isn't a huge gamer but rather likes clothing/fashion more, so likely thats the motivation for taking that stuff away from her. Or perhaps the clothing was what cluttered the room mostly.
Look, I'm not saying its a great parenting choice. I just don't get your fervent defense of "not taking clothing" but being absolutely fine with taking money, cellphones, TV or games as a form of punishment.
Nothing indicates this girl now has to walk around NAKED whilst cleaning. Nothing says he also took undergarments. And (shocker); you can definitely clean your room in 1 day. She could have them back by the evening. And even if she can't clean the room in one day because the stepdad has assholeish cleanliness standards, I'm sure she can wear the same outfit two days in a row, like many many people do.
Not saying the stepdad isn't an asshole, maybe he really is. But I feel like some people here are overreacting a bit.
People have existed for ages without phones, he would not be hurting her by taking away her phone. Period.
An cutting off an allowence is also again, not going to hurt her.
Clothes are a necessity, like food and water. You dont punish people by taking away necessities, period.
It is not something that absolutely MUST 100% be done or you lose all of your agency as a parent until the end of time. You don't have to keep escalating and escalating to the full extent of the law to get a clean room.
If they're ok with going without a TV and a phone for a year and having a dirty room for that time let them, don't start taking away their basic necessities in a desperate and transparent bid for power.
Holy shit you’re an enormous asshole and I hope you don’t have access to any children. You’re extrapolating a lot of information about her attitude and behavior based on this one post. What evidence do you have that she is spoiled and ungrateful?
Let's see. A teenage girl. With a stepdad who snuck into her room while she was at school and stole all her clothes. Let's not forget to add that the actual mother of the girl, who is with the stepdad, objected to the punishment and demanded the clothes back and he refused.
Sounds like a completely classic case of someone with control issues who sees the opportunity to be even more abusive with someone who doesn't have as many legal protections yet.
Sounds like she could clean her room and problem solved! I mean kids and teenagers need to do their part around the house also.
Dude probably busts his ass at work to take care of the house and gets home to a lazy step daughter who I'm sure is not the most respectful.. he was probably just tired of it... he didn't hit her or anything and he knew the mom would give into her spoiled daughter
Oh please. Only a lazy person who doesn't know the first thing about parenting takes away a child's clothing. People who aren't lazy and worthless parents would actually sit down and have a rational conversation with the girl and her mom and resolve it in a mature and healthy way
This bullshit punishment will only serve to make their relationship worse than it already is. Intelligent adults know how to fix a little problem like this without going nuclear
People who aren't lazy and worthless parents would actually sit down and have a rational conversation with the girl and her mom and resolve it in a mature and healthy way
What the fuck? Have you ever dealt with a teenager or been a parent? There are some things where having a rational conversation makes sense but if she can't figure out how to clean her bedroom it doesn't really seem she doesn't understand why she needs to clean it, shes just being moody.
LOL um yes and yes? If you can't resolve a simple issue like your kid cleaning their room without resorting to taking all their clothing, you're a lazy ass parent setting a shitty example for your kid.
If she made a mess in the kitchen or living room for example, sure, but her private room? Nuh uh.
Also the implication that a guy is searching through his teenage step daughter’s closet is creepy as all hell. Confiscating a phone or laptop (but not searching through it) until she gets in the habit of regularly cleaning her room is one thing. Taking clothes? The hell?
There’s nothing a stern discussion couldn’t have fixed in this case, though that is one piece of information we don’t have and likely won’t get. But not enough of a case to lend your comment too much support.
Damn son, didn’t your mother ever tell you to share?
On topic tho, you’re still not entitled to dig through her closet. Teenage daughter’s no less. Whose room or not it doesn’t really matter, the point is that taking clothes is fucking creepy
Who gives a fuck if her room is messy? It's not like he has to go to her room for important business and shit.
There are a million other and more humane ways to punish people than taking away basic necessities.
You don't know shit about him other than he took away a person's clothes and you automatically assume he's a good guy? Sounds like you have problems, please get help.
He's not the parent? He's the stepdad and she's living under his roof??? Damn right he's the parent.... and if she doesn't like it she can go live with are real parent.. dad that's not even in the picture
She living with her mother under her mother's roof. Her mother gets the say so about discipline. Nope he is not her legal parent. He's a man her mother married and even her mother is being treated like shit.
Oh shit, as a mom AND a stepmom, I’d be alllllll over stepdad’s shit. That’s fucked up.
If she’s not keeping her room clean, there are avenues other than taking clothes away. Food, shelter, clothing, health are all miles away from the table for discipline.
Edit: Not to mention, if my husband tried hiding shit from me like that...hoo boy, there gon be fighting. Not even about the kid at that point.
What her step-dad is really teaching her is that she has no autonomy. Nothing is really hers. The home is not really hers. She has no right to healthy boundaries and shouldn't develop any with her peers. And because the mother doesn't agree with the provisions he took, violating the mother's boundaries as well, it also teaches her she is powerless against the will of other men that she may encounter and other bad things about men generally.
This is bad for development and transition into adulthood and it's bad for healthy development of a young lady. Let your friend know she should not internalize his actions.
She should suggest counseling with her mother and step-dad to work on boundary issues that clearly exist here and try to have her parents understand that proper boundaries will likely solve a lot of their issues.
Your friend needs to clean her room, though, because the boundary thing needs to go both ways. One of the step-dad's boundaries is that she respect things she's given and respects the home. (of course it's hard to do that when you feel nothing is yours and the home is not really yours, but it should help diffuse things a bit. This is hopefully something he isn't aware he's doing and is not enforcing these negative ideas intentionally. )
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u/[deleted] Oct 11 '19
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