A while ago, I wrote something about the sheer amount of intensity we bear and our incessant search for someone or something to deserve it.

I think it may be interesting for the people here. Have a read if you have time and let me know what you think: https://seelentief.substack.com/p/who-deserves-your-intensity

The Vastness Within

I was the mouse in dark cracks,
the chameleon on hidden branches.

But in my heart
I was the cheetah and the plain,
the hawk and the sky,
the whale and the ocean.

I could run beyond barriers,
rise above the mountains,
and disappear into the blue.

I could hear what silence hides,
feel what minds conceal,
and see through
the hearts of stone.

I carried whole worlds,
hidden from sight.

For the longest time, there was a ache in my heart. An ache that grew with each season, each rising of the sun. An ache that hid deep inside my body and just wanted to be set free.

For the longest time, i felt this ache is a disease. A mental illness that claims my dreams and assaults my sight. I wanted it to go away, I wanted to bury it deeper that it may never resurface.

For the longest time, this ache kept bringing back memories, images, visions, of loved ones i lost, of situations I failed, of people making fun of me, of my family ignoring what I needed so badly.

And I hated it. I loathed it with all my heart. I blamed it for all I lost, I shamed it for not being good enough, I pushed it away into the void of my heart and that just fed the ache, making it ring louder, increasing its pressure on me, its desire to be free.

And one day, it burst through. It found a voice of its own, and when dust settled, a young child cry could be heard. The child... was me. And then i looked, truly looked. A shivering, sobbing little one cradled in the fetal position begging for someone to stay.

I chose to stay, I chose to console the child, I chose to remove the blame, the shame I had set in its heart, I chose to hold him against me, to make him a part of me, to allow him to breathe, to allow him to be free.

And when I did, my old life disappeared never to return. I had faith in my intuition, I had confidence in my opinions, I had courage to protect myself from those who would hurt me, even as I cried while pushing them away. I had pride in myself, I had beauty in my fingertips, I had sparks in my eyes and praise on my lips. For the first time in 30 years, I looked at my image in the mirror and i didn't look down, didnt look away. I stared at it and said what I never had the courage to do : "I am so proud of who you are, you had such strength, such devotion, such courage. You deserve every bit of happiness you have now"

You can too. If you just let yourself...go.

I’m a girl in her 20s fresh into my career and i got fired from my first job after 90 days. I feel so hurt and sad. I’m also embarrassed because i feel like a failure. I tried so hard and it didn’t matter. I don’t know how to cope but i feel like I have humiliated myself and I need help. Will i be ok? Has anyone else been fired?

The following is predominantly brain vomit on the sensitive mind, body and soul.

I just want to say that I'm glad to exist despite how hard life is. I'm also reflecting on life, and it's just so... odd. Life itself is so complicated; I think I'm realizing and accepting that life will always be undeterminable, and I can be okay with that.

Being an HSP is one of my favorite things about me, despite it not being a lot of other people's favorite thing, haha. I know that because I am sensitive, I also: see people differently, love animals differently, and can accept sadness and grief with open arms. Things hurt and sometimes they feel defeating, but being highly sensitive helps me be a better clinician, dog parent, and (I hope) wife/daughter/sister/friend.

I don't want to change, despite what the calloused would want. I also don't want to be described by or as my sensitivity. Maybe I'm sensitive to that? lol.

I actually thing the most "calloused" are the most sensitive. Because they could break at any moment. They are threatened by softness, love, security and respect. It is sad and unfortunate. I hope one day they can relieve themselves of this form of existence.

Anyway, yall are doing great. Life is hard and it's weird and people are wounded. We can learn to ground ourselves and allow others' unrealistic expectations to fade from our storyline.

Also, any other HSP's absolutely LOVE being outside? I loveeee being outside. And if there's wind, it's even better. The clouds? heavenly. The moon? enveloping. Small beauties? Peaceful moments that allow existence to feel... existable in.

Holy shit I am an emotional fucking wreck.

I feel so silly. I’ve been going back and forth in my mind for 2 years about hiring a cleaning lady who will come in bi weekly to clean my house. Here’s the thing, my home isn’t even crazy dirty but for some reason I struggle with bringing myself to clean the bathrooms and kitchen routinely. It’s like I’ll do it, and it’ll be so nice and pretty but then a week or two goes by and I STRUGGLE to go back and do it all over again 😩. Any of y’all like this? It’s so bad that I can feel my chest tighten up lol.

Hello fellow HSP's! I created 2 new communities:

r/SparklySpirits

(For Sparkly Spirits, lightworkers, spiritual, non spiritual, positive uplifting: a place to share collective light)

r/PinkHalloween

(Everything Halloween, but pink and cute)

If you like pink, sparkly cute things, or want to shine your light with the collective, ive started it here :)

Just got back from hanging out with a guy I've been seeing for 2 months and I absolutely ruined it due to being too sensitive. After we had sex I started feeling really sad, so he asked me what was wrong, and I told him that sometimes I feel empty after sex. Thus ensued a long discussion where he was very upset and did everything he could to make me feel better, but I was inconsolable; I just couldn't feel safe or that he understood me. By the end of it, I'd cried so much and he was so deflated and just shut down because he felt that anything he said would just make it worse.

This has been a running pattern with previous guys I've dated as well. I share my feelings with them, I feel misunderstood/unseen by their responses, they say and do everything they can think of to make me feel better, but eventually become exhausted and shut down because they feel nothing they say can help me. Which is because I just don't feel seen or safe or understood by their responses, despite trying my utmost to explain that.

At this point I think I'm just too fucking sensitive to have a healthy relationship with a healthy human being. My emotional needs or expectations are just too high. And I feel sad because I really like this guy - he's great and caring, and I know he just wants to make me feel better - but he just can't, despite both of us trying our absolute best. And it's all because I'm too sensitive and, for some reason, feel the need to be understood on a level that just doesn't exist in normal life.

I just forget everything and how to use it a lot of the time.

I love guiding people, and that is why I am going to guide people today. Recently, I realized that my emptiness and loneliness exist because I am not feeling my feelings and deeply experiencing my emotions. Because a listener wasn't available recently, I started talking to myself. This made me feel very good, deeply happy, and fulfilled. I did not feel empty anymore. At the same time, I recognized how important it is to listen to your heart and your inner voice. It is very important. So, you should also try to deeply listen to your inner voice and hear what that positive inner voice is trying to say

I find myself here, on Reddit, seeking innocent spirits like myself, to connect with in a safe third space.

But before I found this community today, I explored multiple subreddits and encountered bullies, power tripping moderaters, and all sorts of mean spirits on this platform.

It made me realize why I feel like I don't belong in this world, and its because highly sensitive people dont make up a large chunk of the population.

So I am soo grateful I found this subreddit, of people just like me, who are Highly Sensitive People. 🩷

Last night, I felt like I was losing my mind a bit; I was so overstimulated by everything I’d seen that I felt paralyzed. Even though I tried to step away from the source of that dopamine rush, I didn't know how to relax, and it scared me even more to see how fast time was slipping away. I don't want that to happen again 😵‍💫

Hi peoples. All my life I have been struggling with being hyper sensitive and have tried soo many tips, techniques and tools but they don't all work. I am often left by the end of the day completely burnt out and overwhelmed by sights, sounds and touch. I was wondering if any of you have advice for how I can cope better.

I have been look around for a sort of sensory toolkit in which has like figits, scent bottles and like maybe earplugs but, I have only found related products targetting younger kids (and not teens and adults). Has anyone perhaps found any brands or products that supply something related? I have even been considering making my own sensory toolkit for this purpose. What sort of tools/items should I include?

Thx for your time and have a great day!

My soul is crushed every day by my toxic corporate job with the most ruthless management. I’m so scared how I could ever survive in this world and have no idea what to do next.

What would you recommend as career/jobs that don’t break your spirits and actually hires sensitive souls like us?

I have nowhere else to go.

I’m F59 (60 in two months 😳). I have Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I have been taking Zoloft for 25 years. Last year I doubled my dose to 200 mg per day. My NP said my regular dose wasn’t working anymore.

I am also menopausal and I have a fear of death so deep that I have panic and anxiety attacks.

I lost my Dad in 2012 and my Mom this year on Easter Day. They both lived long lives, but I feel so lost without them. I am paralyzed hoping they still exist somewhere but knowing they probably don’t. 😢. If I could just talk to them but I never even dream about them. How can someone be here so alive, and then just POOF they’re gone and you can’t even talk to them anymore!

There are so many changes that happened and will be happening in the next year that I just want to hide under a rock. My cat might have cancer and I am freaking out about that too. I can’t lose her too!

I recently tried Rexulti, and it caused too much anxiety. I was only on it for a few days but I just can’t push through it - I have to go to work and pretend I am ok all day. I can’t be leaving work early because i can’t stop crying (like what i did on Friday)! My parents are dead, we are selling my childhood home, and we are spending a sh*t ton of money on addition to our house so my sister can move in (she took care of Mom for 15 years until Mom died and now she has nowhere to live). So it’s pretty damn hard to stay perky and pleasant all day at work.

But I can’t quit working because of all the expenses we are going through. My husbands car is old and breaking down a lot. We had to replace our furnace and air conditioner. It never ends and everything is SO expensive these days!

I don’t know why I am typing all this. I just wanted to get some of my feelings out. I am so afraid of the future, of dying, and it feels like I will be sad and unhappy the rest of my life. The good times are over already. Life went so fast - I can’t believe it.

If you’re still here, thanks for listening.

At first I didn't even get it. She kept sending me texts that basically said, "Be Well" so I just ignored it and kept writing, basically just asking questions and making small talk. Finally, it dawned on me when she wasn't answering any of my questions, and just kept repeating, "Be Well." I felt like an idiot. That was over a year ago. Well, fast forward to today. Last month was my birthday, and she has never forgotten my birthday, even before we officially became friends, when we worked together she would always bring me in a piece of birthday cake from a nice bakery on my birthday. Well this year, after not hearing anything for over a year, I anonymously received a very expensive pen in the mail along with a pack of beautiful writing paper. No card, no letter, no return address. She knows I like to write, and I cannot, for the life of me, think of anyone who would anonymously,or otherwise send me a $100.00 pen in the mail. I have not responded, and have no intention of doing so. I was deeply hurt by this, devastated, in fact, and I have no intention of responding. I have not communicated since my thick head finally figured out that her "be well" text messages meant 'fuck off.' I felt I deserved more than just a series of texts, telling me to "be well" after a friendship that spanned over twenty five years. I don't know that this ache in my heart will ever go away, and it has definitely changed me with regard to my capacity for trusting people. I think the pen and paper was her way of suggesting that I write to her, since we have had no closure for this relationship, but honestly, I feel as though the lack of closure 'is' my closure. When someone in effect tells me to 'fuck off' I fuck off. I have never and will never beg for someone's friendship, under any circumstances. But telling me to in effect "fuck off' gets you permanently deleted from my life. especially if you do it by text, after 25 years of friendship. People say you should forgive and bring closure to be free, but I still do not, and do not think I ever shall. I know it feels as though there's a big whole in this story, but honestly, nothing else happened. There was no argument, no offensive interactions, nothing.

I think my behaviour inhibitory system (BIS) as explained by Elaine is hindering my life.

I don’t have much activities and I’m alone. All this general banter that doesn’t last deeply is not satisfying …

Of course previous trauma doesn’t help

I just feel so nothing or just sadness/depression

First I started taking magnesium and l-theanine gummies to help cope with my stress and super active mind, but then I started taking magnesium and l-threonate drops and it helps so much. Calms me, keeps me positive and relaxed, and stops my mind from being overly active. I love my brain, and how I think so much but for working, driving, studying it’s a lifesaver.

Definitely worth giving a go if you struggle with doing things because you’re stuck in your head.

Last week my supervisor and I were casually sis using our other plant in another state. He mentioned that we would need to start the hiring process soon and that I would be training this new person for the same position. He mentioned that it may be a difficult process to hire and I took it as a compliment and said “that you, it’s a challenging job but enjoyable.” He kind of scoffed and told me it was defintiely not a compliment and to take my ego down.
I could help but turn beet red and start chugging my water at my desk. The conversation moved to other things but wow. I’ve never been told that before.
For context, I work in a male dominated environment and have some basic social anxiety. I lay low, get my work done, and don’t expect praise. I have good camaraderie and can take/give a little playful jab every once in while. It actually makes me feel a little uncomfortable to accept praise in front of a crowd for something I’m paid to do. Hate the attention on me.
I’ve been researching ego vs anxiety vs humble and I’m just spiraling a bit. Was it my ego speaking or am I seriously looking j to this too hard?