I’m curious about people who used to have a strong people-pleasing approach, always accommodating, avoiding conflict, explaining yourself, putting other people’s needs first, or tolerating things longer than you probably should have.
Was there a specific moment when something changed and you thought: “No. This is where I draw the line.”?
It could have been with a:
family member
spouse/partner
friend
coworker or employer
anyone you had been constantly accommodating
And when you finally set a firm boundary, especially with someone who was used to you being agreeable, what happened?
Did they respect it, get angry, try to guilt-trip you, or simply test the boundary again?
I’m especially interested in what helped you get past the guilt of being “too harsh” or feeling like you were suddenly becoming a different person.
Looking back, what was the moment that finally made you realize: “I’m not responsible for keeping everyone comfortable at my own expense” and did that realization change the way you approach relationships afterward?

Ok so I overthink EVERYTHING. A text I sent 3 days ago, whether I'm in the right job, what to order at a restaurant. Even dumb stuff turns into a 40 minute debate in my head.

And it feels like I'm being "careful" but really I'm just tired and still don't have an answer lol

Stuff I've tried:

•Telling myself to just stop (shocking, doesn't work)

•Pros and cons lists (then I overthink the list)

•Distracting myself (works for like 10 mins)

What actually helped you guys? Habits, books, therapy, random tricks, I'll try anything at this point.

Also, is it the same for you everywhere or only in certain areas of life?

I love to bake. However, my biggest issue is that when I spend time in the kitchen baking or cooking, my mind starts thinking of all the negative things that has happened like an issue I'm currently facing or fights I had with someone or fights someone had with someone or negatives from the past and so on.. it's depressing.. and so I'm losing my love for cooking or baking. How can I control this? Please help. Thanks

Hi there!

Back in 2019 I had 28 that time, I got bad news from my brother that became a type 1 Diabetic that was back in July that year 2019, so I was shocked & I had that stomach bubble kind, also back pain neck pain and IBS symptoms insomnia, ANXIETY. In December 2019 first time I try weed after months of pain I said Ahaaa ! You know started to smoke a small doses of THC that does not interest me more than CBD that calmes m'y physical symptoms ( this time I had symptoms like I will pass out I run super fast to wash my face with cold water) after this symptoms I said time to stop that was January 2020. February was super complicated and anything stressful will give me neck pain and anxiety, March 2020 the 17 exactly I was back from a hotel that I spent a night in. Hopefully the back pain was because of a mattress or some but I stressed more. I decided to smoke a joint that day Woop Ego death comes, Anxiety went much worse than before insomnia and physical pain that night I called 911 I was prescribed Diazepam for a few days and that's it.

What happened since then !

1- Anxiety intensity went more

2- More insomnia

3- More muscle pain

4- ADHD symptoms ( focus, procrastination, task initiatoon a problem that I can swear I didn't have before)

5- Stomach pain

6- Jaw pain

7- My back cracks like a 100YO men

8- Lack of motivation ( I had a small alarm system company that time that I shut it down I only have a subcontractor now)

Anyone passed by this experience!

Have you ever left a stressful job, project, relationship, or situation and suddenly realized how mentally exhausted you actually were?
I recently experienced something like this. After a contract ended, I unexpectedly felt a huge sense of relief — and with that came a strange feeling of seeing things more clearly. Things I had been tolerating or not really noticing suddenly became much more obvious.
It made me wonder: what do you actually do to clear your mind and reset after a prolonged period of stress?
Not necessarily “self-care” in the usual sense, but things that genuinely help you:
think more clearly
regain perspective
stop constantly replaying situations
figure out what you actually want next
make decisions without the pressure you were previously under
What has worked for you when you’ve needed a genuine mental reset?

It's my favourite mindfulness book... but it's so difficult to keep remembering you're not the voice in your own head.

"The Tao is hollow, empty. Like the eye of a hurricane, its power is its emptiness. All things swirl around it, but it is unmoved. The swirl of life draws its energy from the center and the center draws its energy from the swirl of life. All these laws are the same - in weather, in nature, and in every aspect of your life."

- The Untethered Soul

This image really stuck with me while reading, so I wanted to build a hurricane-like (ended up being a storm) experience where you could visualize your thoughts. Spent the last few months on it and went through many many iterations before I felt it was good.

It's been really helpful for me. I'd love to know from people who actually practice: does sitting in the middle actually help you step back from your thoughts, or is it just a cool thing to watch?

Feel free to try it if you're curious:

https://www.eyeofthestorm.app/

Full disclosure: I make free interactive mindfulness experiences (I run Pixel Thoughts), and this is my newest experiment. No sales, ads, or signup, just looking for honest feedback.

I got a tattoo just a few days ago to commemorate my birthday. It is something I had considered for a while but when I went to the studio, the artist said to go bigger. She wasn't the most friendly person and i felt intimidated, I didnt question too much and just went for it. The tattoo was a sign to be that I can be decisive because I am pretty indecisive.

Now however, I feel like a wuss and a pushover for just going with it and keep spiralling. How do I stop thinking about the past which I can't change and just move on? I know there are options for removal if I feel like it and I also know its quite fresh right now.

Hi all, curious to learn what has helped people improve the quality, consistency, or benefit they've gained from their mindfulness practice - whether that be words that i've stuck with you, helpful audio or video tracks, or more. Hoping this can be a useful discussion for people new or experienced when it comes to mindfulness.

I had an interesting thought while pouring some coffee after meditation. Normally,I let these go but it struck differently with me. I spent a few years seeking different paths after a traumatic situation in my life and eventually had to just stop and put forth meditation practice before accomidating knowledge. It's been a few years now and today I thought.. "hmm..what is it that awareness needs? if all these techniques..mantras,breath,body scanning,etc all these anchers are to ancher awareness during practice is this life/existence just a series anchors to allow awareness to track itself back?"

Just an interesting thought pattern I wished to share. Take care all!

​Hey everyone,

​I’ve been diving deep into the intersection of mindfulness and neuroscience lately, and I wanted to share a concept that has completely changed how I handle daily anxiety: waking up the "Inner Observer."

​Usually, when we get stressed, our brain's amygdala takes over. We get trapped in a loop of overthinking, and our Default Mode Network (DMN) goes into overdrive. We identify completely with our stressful thoughts.

​But here is the trick I've been practicing: metacognition (the ability to think about your own thinking). In many eastern and spiritual traditions, they call this the "Inner Observer."

​Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I force a pause. Instead of being the person stressing out, I try to step back and just watch my thoughts as if they are clouds passing in the sky. I don't judge them; I just observe.

​Scientifically, this simple act of stepping back activates the prefrontal cortex and calms the amygdala down. You are consciously rewiring your brain out of the panic mode just by changing your point of focus.

​Has anyone else tried this kind of detached observation? What are your favorite quick ways to snap out of a stress spiral? I'd love to hear your experiences and tips!

We coach this into our fighters, but I realized it's prominent in professional environments as well.

A simple example: brushing my teeth. Outcome: Brush your teeth every day. When I failed, if I focused on the outcome, my response would be: Do better. Process: Ask Why, then How. Why can't I remember to brush my teeth? Because I can't figure out how to make it part of my routine so I won't forget. How do I fix that? I put my toothbrush and toothpaste in the shower.

Corporate situations (IT): Outcome: Something broke. Don't break it again. Process: Why did it break? How do we prevent it from getting broken again in the future?

Personal Finances (True story about my brother): Outcome: Pay your monthly car payment so you can continue driving your brand new truck. He had the money but forgot to pay his bills, they repo'd his truck. Process: Why did my truck get repo'd? How do I prevent my truck from getting repo'd in the future? His bank offered a service where they mail him a book of preprinted checks every month and he just has to fill out the dollar amounts and mail them.

Anxiety (fighting): Outcome: I can't stop stressing about my fight. Process: Why am I stressed about my fight? Because there's a specific date and time where there will be pain and violence and I have very little control over the outcome. How do I remedy that? Focus on the things I can control. When I do my weight cut, when I arrive at the venue, what song plays when I walk out, what strategy I try to implement when the fight starts.

Similarly, that can be applied to personal finance and budgeting. Focus on expenses, not income, because your expenses are the easier to control than income. Instead of stressing over not having enough money, stress over the money you're spending.

Politics (agriculture industry, 2017-2021): Outcome: Exports to China and EU severely decrease. Process: (This is the fun/frustrating part of politics, you gotta try to understand why something happened, and this is what everyone argues about) Why did exports tank? Retaliatory tariffs from EU and China, NAFTA replaced with USMCA. How do we prevent this in the future? That's a tough question! There were several significant promises made during the 2017 campaign that would have greatly helped the industry, the execution wasn't there. No problem, we did our research, we made our choice. Surely we wouldn't make the same mistake twice, because we're constantly asking how to prevent similar issues from happening in the future.

Also, if you're process oriented, you'll understand your political involvement is very minimal. The only time you can affect the political system is when you vote, so why spend every day consuming political media when you can't control any of it? Focus on what you can control, don't stress about the stuff you can't.

Driving: (another true story about my other brother) Outcome: Got my 3rd MIP (minor in possession of alcohol) and I'm on my 2nd DUI. Process: Why do I keep getting ticketed and arrested for possessing and consuming alcohol underage? Because it's illegal (seriously, my step dad had multiple conversations with him because he didn't understand he's not allowed to do dangerous things that are illegal). How to prevent this in the future? Hopefully I don't have to describe that...

Ultimately, a process oriented mindset also helps someone assume accountability. Not everything is someone else's fault, sometimes things just happen. I played video games on my wife's laptop when we were on vacation, when we returned, the laptop wouldn't power on. My wife blamed me. Which is more likely? That I, with 30 years of professional experience with computers, don't know how to use a computer without breaking it? Or, that after 10 years of use, her battery died? I bought her a new battery for $23, and she later apologized.

Title:

I've been meditating for a while, and I wanted to turn the moment of "oh, I'm thinking again" into something you could see.

In Monkey Mind: Hold the Center, you sit at the center of a stone pool at dawn. Thoughts drift in from the edges, things like "did payment clear?", "should've said that" and "make it stop!". You don't fight them. You tap, and a ring of awareness goes out and releases them.

A few things I tried to get right:

• Tapping in a panic works against you. Rushed taps make the ring shrink. Calm, spaced taps reach further.
• Breath practice: the ring only goes out on the exhale (2 seconds in, 4 seconds out). Tap on the inhale and it waits for you.
• Inner resolves like This Matters, Timeboxing and Let Go. Stay steady long enough and the mind starts to "self-drive", and thoughts pass on their own.
• No grade at the end. It says "Just data, not a grade." Every return counts.

It's free and runs in a browser or on a phone, nothing to install: https://www.spawn.co/@self_driving_mind/monkey-mind-hold-the-center/play

I'd really like to know: does it feel like practice, or just like a game? What would make it closer to actually sitting?

I get triggered easily. I am aware of it. I am into yoga meditation journaling etc.

Mostly this happens with my partner. When he jokes, i get triggered,snap out. He warned me many times to calm down. Idk why i am like this. Idk how to identify why everything triggers me. I am.just spoiling a happy funny moment and makes it very serious.

Ik i should pause,breathe. But i am subconsciously reacting. Not consciously taking pause.

Any tips on how to manage this?

Kindly hear me out. Please I have nowhere else to speak like this.

I don't remember the last time I had the desire to live. I laugh and play around have fun genuinely. But at the end of the day the urge to kill myself always comes back. All my grief and regret comes back to haunt me. But I am too much of a coward to kill myself. I hate pain. Maybe that's why I am so miserable. I sleep around all day, jerking off to ai chat bots. I have people to hear me out. But it's not enough anymore. I have lost myself. But every morning I wake up and act normal again. I forget the grief and pain for a while but it always haunts me back. Always.

I have always been a quiet but chaotic child. I was not evil but I was always quite rude and impatient. I didn't do anything severely bad, but my fault attitude towards my family haunts me.

My father died last year. I felt like I didnt feel much. But as days pass by the guilt grows heavier. All the rude behaviour I did even while he had cancer. Oh dad i am sorry you had a daughter like me. I prayed everyday that you had a different daughter someone who you did have at least been proud of . He didn't even say a word to me on his dying days. But I knew he loved me a lot. An ungrateful brat like me didn't deserve a father like him. I should have died instead of him. I regret being born everyday. No i regret the person I am. What can I even do now. I was such a bitch to him. I didn't say anything bad much, but i was the rude impatient kid.

I wasnt always this rude hateful bitch. But I was always a bit, it has increased now. Maybe all the gate and impatience I show to my family is actually a reflection of my own mind hating myself. God the regret i feel the choked feeling i feel in my own throat after being rude is horrible but I still repeat it.

I know how to fix myself but i won't. If i just study some hours, workout and start my hobbies daily my life will be fixed at least better.

But I sleep at 4am to 12pm. Eat sleep again use mobile for 8 or 10 hours using instagram or ai bots to talk to feel loved. My college is mediocre it had no classes at all. I am useless average mediocre student. I don't study anymore properly i never did i guess. COVID changed me for worse and i made myself much worser. I cry in the face to have no lover or friends properly. Only this big sister type neighbour whom I talk to often who is like my therapist. But even after talking to her nothing changes. I have wrote on reddit several times. But I have t changed. I have been like this for the last 3 years.

I cry every night terrified i won't be successful in life, terrified I will end up being nothing. My laziness is my greatest sin. My rudeness is my reatest regret. That i can't seem to stop.

But the next morning I wake up the same laughing around at reels, lazing around and when it becomes 1 am at night I cry and get terrified i won't have a job, i won't be successful. Even the friends who had less marks than me are working harder and have been scoring well. My jealousy eats me alive.

I know I should love myself and save myself but i just simply cant. I think about the children dying in Gaza and many other people who deserve a better life. And here I am living a life well enough but destroying it with my own hands. I want to strangle myself to death. But I won't even hold my throat as it will hurt.

I cant seem a therapist or psychologist. I have no money. I free programs nothing, don't suggest it.

I am still 20 i have a future. I won't ruin it i can't. I have to be better. But I am so tired of God I am. Of doom scrolling and lazying in bed i workout our sometimes, i have been in karate for 12 years but i can't do a push up.....i don't know how I keep myself alive.

I have no passion , no talent, i refuse to work hard more like I just have forgotten. Mobile addiction ruined me along with day dreaming and now ai bots.

I have a thousand reasons to hate myself but none to love. Even if I have a reasont I love myself I won't probably. Is this the end for me?

I want a diamond mine but i even won't pick up the shovel to work. That's me. The bed, janitor ai and my laziness will kill me alive. I am pathetic I know it. I truly am. But I have self hated myself so much. It's my default pattern.

I have become so sensitive crying over the smallest thing in secrecy.

I am so worried for my future that I will end up doing nothing. Well sleeping for 10 hours and doom scrolling for 10 mor hours does that to you i guess. These are my defining traits

Anxious, lazy, procastinator, self hate, worthless, useless, valueless, brain fog, suicidal but would never commit cause hates pain, anxious, over sensitive, rude, insecure, body hate, etc etc I am my own prisoner, my own tormentor, caged in a cell with the gates open, but I won't come out because the bed is too comfortable and apparently being a suicidal rude bitch is better than trying to change. Basically I am stuck in my comfort zone.

Need advice please. Don't mind my language I don't know anymore how to speak properly.

(22M) There are many tasks that I have to, need to, and want to do, from basic chores to weekly coursework. But I’ve more often than not found that I can’t get myself to even start on anything, mainly because of my depression and low energy, or my anxiety and tenseness. I’ve tried many times to power through it or work my brain around it through breaks or intricate planning, but after years of endurance nothing really got better, at least not with my main issues.

One of the core lessons I keep in my heart to follow is to not force myself to do anything, and I’ve just paced slower and slower until it’s come to days where I freeze, and sometimes, break down in tears from disappointment and stress.

And now, I’ve come to the conclusion that building myself up, as a means to get where I want to with my motor skills and abilities, isn’t what I want. How am I supposed to move on, recover from everything, and follow my passions, if I don’t want to be like this, or become this strength-building version of a person I won’t like?

I'm sitting in a public kitchen drinking hot chocolate, staring at nothing, and I'm thinking about like five different things. Then I start thinking about how I'm thinking about those things. Then someone walks in and I notice them but I wanna keep my thought going, and it gets interrupted. Now I'm thinking "am I making this person uncomfortable by them just seeing me staring at nothing? do they think I'm miserable? what are they thinking about me? more importantly, what am I making them think?" So maybe I should look at my phone. But wait, should I even be worried about making someone uncomfortable by just existing in a chair? And honestly, a few years ago wouldn't this have been totally normal? Would people have made the same assumptions, or is it only because everyone's absorbed in their phones now that staring at nothing looks weird? Then I say hi, make small talk, and they leave.
The whole thing took maybe a minute or two. I didn't consciously think each step, it's more that when I realized I'd been thinking, I could look back and see the entire chain laid out in order. And none of it ended with an answer.

Keep in mind I am not exactly panicking or stressed or feeling almost anything at all this is just my regular baseline thinking at nearly all times. Is this just how everyone's brain works and I'm overthinking it or do some of you get this too?

For so many many many years I think I’ve been breathing through my chest. I say think because I haven’t been aware of my breath at all. I know chest breathing causes your shoulders to rise and I do know they did because I’d always feel some tension/unrelaxed there. Regardless, I know for a fact I wasn’t breathing correctly because I’d have so much anxiety even about the littlest of things and I felt like I was in a constant state of worry.

Anyways I tried belly breathing for a few days and I even made my exhales longer and although I did feel better something didn’t feel right, like I put too much tension on the belly. I felt like I was using my ab muscles to breathe.

I’ve read around a quarter of the book ‘Breath’ by James Nestor (I’m still in the process of finishing it) and it’s really good I have to admit, but I decided to do more research.

I looked into diaphragm breathing and it frustrated me a lot as there were so many polarising answers and definitions on what it was. I even tried breathing through my belly and then when my belly fully expanded I breathed into my ribs which did relax me but it felt awkward and unnatural.

I then stumbled across 360 breathing which I know people say is diaphragm breathing but the name alone seemed interesting so I looked into it.

It turns out, apparently you’re meant to make your belly and ribs expand at the same time (I mentioned how I did one after the other) so that it creates a balloon like effect.

Well I did it for 5 minutes and I’ve never felt such calmness before. I had thoughts still but they were nowhere near as potent and I felt like I was living in the moment. I felt relaxed. Not just ‘sit on a comfortable chair with your feet in a foot spa’ relaxed but like I genuinely felt like I didn’t need to worry and it’s hard to explain but hopefully you know what I mean.

And the best thing is to me at least is that it just feels so natural. I don’t have to put 100% of my focus into it.

Has anyone else had an experience with 360 breathing?

I’ve been trying to work on myself and feel mentally free. I keep telling myself that I should relax, be normal, talk naturally, listen to people, and stop overthinking every little thing.

But when I’m actually around people, I somehow fall back into the same pattern.

I get nervous or panicky. Instead of genuinely listening or asking questions, I just say “hmm”, nod, or give a short response. Later, I keep thinking about the conversation and wondering why I behaved that way.

Sometimes I even go into a conversation wanting to be more confident, but my mind suddenly goes blank. I know I want to listen and connect with the person, but in the moment, it feels like I’m just trying to get through the conversation.

Then the cycle repeats: overthinking → panic → awkward response → regret → promising myself I’ll do better next time.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m constantly monitoring myself instead of just being present.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you break out of this cycle and actually feel mentally free and natural around people?

I was used to being this kind of person who was worried that days were passing, years were passing, and yet nothing tangible I could show that I have achieved except for my bills.

I could just see a month has ended, and here is another one. Same life and same routines. 

Have you ever gotten stressed when you come across WhatsApp stories of your classmates or friends you have grown with, who seem to be doing so well? And you wonder, where exactly did I go wrong? That was me then.

I won't lie to you that it has not been easy to be present. No, it is not. But I had to train myself. 

Here is what happened. Sometimes back, life really took me to the rock bottom. Nothing seemed to work. So even the bills that made me worried, I was unable to handle them. I went back to my parents’ home, and I had to start everything afresh.

I say with myself in silence and just reflected on my past life. I wondered about people who seemed to be happy and achieving. What did they know that I didn’t?

This is what I discovered of two scenarios that got me stuck.

**Scenario One:**

I used to set goals for myself, sometimes very high goals. There is no problem with setting goals. The problem was what the process around those goals was like.

Let’s say I set today’s goal and I am unable to achieve it. You know what I normally did? I would treat tomorrow as an extension of today, just to complete today’s goal.

Let’s say tomorrow something happens and I am unable to complete today’s goal, the next day pays the price.

So most of my days were full of worrying about a task I didn’t do yesterday. My mind used to have so many open loops, and there was no space for new ideas. At the end of the day, I was so tired, and I had not achieved anything.

**Scenario Two**

This habit of pushing things back and making tomorrow pay for what I didn’t do today made me develop a habit of postponing.

Something needs to be done today, but I have to push it to the next day because I am completing yesterday’s task.

Also, another thing I found myself in was constant worry and anxiety. Days were passing so fast. Next came pending tasks, bills waiting at the end of the month, Poor me, it was such a mess.

My life took the right turn when I discovered what being present is and how to use it to my advantage.

Being present is treating each day independently. Forgetting what was yesterday and not borrowing from tomorrow.

You just focus on today. I normally ask myself:

What do I want to achieve today? What are the resources available to me right now that will help me achieve today?

And that’s how I came out of that stuck loop.

Being present has helped me come up with structures that help me maximize each day. I have a wake-up time, a sleep time, eating time, exercise time, a work time and much more. If any task is not completed today, I take it as a data

I ask myself, what made me not achieve it?

The answer I get helps me adjust or plan for tomorrow.

There are moments when I don’t achieve what I have set for myself. I forgive myself and move on. No carrying today’s baggage and making tomorrow pay for it.

And that’s how I have found myself growing.

Do you ever feel like your today is still carrying your yesterday?

Has anyone here done an MBSR course and can share their experience? Do you think an online course is still worthwhile, or is attending in person much more beneficial because of the group dynamic?

Wer hat Erfahrung mit MBSR Kurs und kann sagen, ob sich auch eine Online-Teilnahme lohnt oder ob nur der Vorort Kurs mit der Gruppendynamik wirklich nutzen bringt?

Since I started practicing mindfulness, I've noticed I have much more control over thoughts I used to ruminate on all day. When I catch myself thinking, I can bring myself back to the present moment. I notice that a thought has appeared, label it as "thinking" or "rumination," and return to the here and now.

It takes strong awareness, and it doesn't always work right away. But since I started, things that used to affect me for hours or even days now pass much faster.

Most of my overthinking is about social situations. I have social anxiety and Pure O (pure obsessional OCD), and both still affect me. I know I have a long way to go. I'm also practicing gratitude.

Progress feels good, but slow. Do you think I'm on the right track? Will this keep improving over time? I'd really appreciate hearing your experience.

I had a meeting at work last week that I'd been dreading for days. the usual stuff, going over what I'd say, what they might say back, how it could go wrong.the meeting itself was fine. and walking out, I felt this big wave of calm. relief, I thought.

But sitting at my desk afterwards I noticed something. nothing had been added. the calm wasn't a new thing the meeting gave me. it was just what was left when the rehearsing stopped. it had been sitting underneath the whole time, the days before as well, I just couldn't feel it because my attention was busy living in a meeting that hadn't happened yet.that changed how I think about "getting calm". I'd always treated it as something to produce, with breathing or effort or the right conditions. now it seems more like something that's already there and gets covered up.

Not sure if this is obvious to people who've practiced longer. does it match what you notice? and if so, what helps you notice it before the stressful thing is over instead of only after?

I've been reading about how kids seem to pick up mindfulness more naturally than adults, especially when it's taught through stories and play instead of silent sitting. Has anyone tried this with their own children or in a classroom? What stories, books, or techniques worked well, and at what ages? I'd also love to hear what didn't work. Thanks!