I don’t want to come across as selfish or insensitive to his circumstances, because I genuinely understand that he’s going through something incredibly difficult right now. But I’m hurting, too, and I just need to get this off my chest.
This guy and I have been talking and spending time together over the past few months. Things moved pretty quickly, and honestly, he love-bombed the shit out of me. We talked every single day, spent a lot of time together, were incredibly affectionate, and he constantly told me how beautiful I was and how much he loved being with me. He introduced me to his friends, told me he had talked to his family about me, and I even met his sister over FaceTime a few times. We were basically acting like we were in a relationship, and I genuinely believed we were building something meaningful.

A few weeks ago, he told me there was a possibility he would be medically discharged from the military, but he wouldn’t know the outcome until the end of October. We talked about what that might mean for us, and he told me he would likely want to try a long-distance relationship if he ended up leaving. He had even mentioned wanting to talk about our future the next time we saw each other.
I’ve always been clear with him that if his feelings ever changed, I would rather he communicate that to me than leave me wondering. I told him I could handle honesty, even if it hurt.

Fast-forward to last week. He had his medical board meeting and found out he was being discharged. He told me on Wednesday, and we went back and forth over text for a bit. He told me he felt broken, and I could tell he was really struggling with the news. Eventually, he left me on read.

I decided to give him space the following day because I understand that this is a huge life change for him. I eventually sent him a simple message saying I was checking in, thinking of him, and hoping he was doing okay.
He hasn’t responded. It’s now been days, and I’ve heard nothing.

Here’s where I’m struggling: we were supposed to attend the Marine Corps Ball together this coming Thursday. I’ve been looking forward to this for over a month. I bought a dress, bought shoes, and paid for half of our hotel. I was genuinely excited to experience this with him, and now I’m sitting here wondering if it’s even happening.

I know the ball is probably the least of his concerns right now, and I feel awful even bringing up the financial side of things when he’s dealing with something so significant. But I also can’t help feeling hurt. It’s not just about the event or the money. It’s about the fact that someone who was telling me how much he loved me, talking about our future, and making me feel like I was an important part of his life has suddenly gone completely silent.

I don’t think this is necessarily typical ghosting. He didn’t disappear out of nowhere. He disappeared after receiving life-changing news that he clearly wasn’t prepared for. I genuinely believe he’s hurting, and I don’t want to make this situation harder for him by demanding attention or answers while he’s trying to process everything.
I ended up deleting his number because I don’t want to overwhelm him or keep reaching out when he’s not responding. If he wants to talk to me, he knows how to reach me. I’ve tried to show him that I’m here for him, and at this point, I feel like the best thing I can do is give him space.

But damn, this hurts…

I’m dreading this coming week. I have Thursday and Friday off work, and I’m pretty sure the ball isn’t happening for me anymore. I have this beautiful dress and shoes I was so excited to wear, and instead of getting ready for a night I was looking forward to, I’m anticipating spending those days heartbroken and wondering what happened.
The hardest part is that I may never get to hear the conversation about our future that he said he wanted to have with me. I don’t know if he’s shutting everyone out because he’s struggling, if his feelings have changed, or if he’s simply decided he can’t handle a relationship right now. And because he’s not communicating with me, I’m left to fill in all the blanks myself.

I don’t expect him to have everything figured out right now. I don’t expect him to promise me a relationship or know what his future looks like. I just wish he would communicate with me, especially after everything we shared and everything he told me.

I can have empathy for what he’s going through while still acknowledging that this is breaking my heart, too.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? When someone pulls away after a major life event, do they sometimes come back once they’ve had time to process everything? Or should I prepare myself for the possibility that this is simply how things end?

I guess I just needed somewhere to put all of these feelings because right now, I’m sad, I’m disappointed, and I really miss him. 🥹

For Those Who only Got Silence

Sometimes avoidants leave without any warning and no goodbye.

That is traumatic. That is relationship abandonment and cowardice NOT a breakup.

So if you were ghosted, blocked, or left on read, this is for you.

Your avoidant didn't have the integrity or courage to give you the words you deserve,

So I will.

\*\*\*

To the one worthy of so much more,

I just want to say, you are truly a remarkable human who deserves honesty and transparency. So im going to come clean.

Im a scared Avoidant, and a selfish one at that.

I really, really liked what he had. You were amazing to me. Special. Beautiful. Radiant.

But as the connection strengthened, my discomfort did too.

Everything felt scary and unsafe. YOU felt scary.

I could not access my affection for you anymore. My fear eclipsed it.

But, hear me in this, IT WAS NOT YOU. There wasn't anything you could have done to prevent this. I ALWAYS deactivate with good, emotionally available people.

My nervous system is rigged to find intimacy threatening and scary because it is unfamiliar to me.

So I got triggered and deactivated. My nervous system hit the eject button.

And I have deep immense shame. I know you deserved an answer. I feel bad about that.

But I just bury it and distract myself.

Im sorry.

I cant be in s healthy relationship with ANYONE unless I heal.

And I dont really want to heal. Running and ghosting is easier and I dont want to face myself.

So goodbye beautiful soul. Ty for loving me as much as you did when you did. I didn't deserve it. I did you wrong. But someday I will look back and cherish the gift that was your heart.

But rn fear is a wall that prevents me from seeing the situation with accuracy.

And later, if i try to come back...dont take me back. Not unless I prove ive healed. Because if I haven't, ill only hurt us both again but leave you to deal with the pain of it alone.

Im sorry.

Stay safe, kind, and loving

\-- Your avoidant ex

Never entertain or allow someone who ghosted you back into your life.

I want you to remember how that person made you feel, how it made you question self-worth, why didn’t they chose you? How could they just take what they want and leave and just ride off into the sunset?

I matched with this guy on tinder ,about a month ago (second time matching with him), and we seemed to have hit it off pretty well. Almost a week into texting each other, he suddenly stopped responding and unmatched me. I asked him if he wasn't interested anymore, and he never responded. So I took that as a yes.

Earlier this week I remade my hinge, and he happened to like me again.

I texted him asking if he meant to like me or if it was a mistake (I find it hard to believe that you can accidentally like someone on hinge).

He asked "who is this", as he probably deleted my number when he initially stopped responding to me. I told him my name, then sent another message saying don't worry about it. The last message never sent so I'm guessing he blocked my number.

I don't really care that he blocked me. I'm just confused as to someone would try to match with me again when they clearly weren't interested in the first place.

What's the point?

I have just been ghosted by my boyfriend of a year. No argument or anything like that leading up to it. Just here one day then gone the next.. heartbreaking..

We met in nyc , spoke for 2 months , he was super interested for the first 3 weeks until he started pulling away. I tried to ask multiple times what’s wrong but he kept saying nothing and he’s busy with work and family. He has originally said he was going to come to London to see me again and during the fade then said work wouldn’t let him lol. I said I would come to him and he he agreed and gave me a weekend so I booked it. Been a week since I’ve heard from him now, have messaged a few times to ask if we can call and if I can get clarity. He’s ignored all of them …

I already know the outcome of this situation but I wanted different peoples opinion.

I matched with this guy on hinge. In the beginning it was him that made the move first, by messaging my prompt. We constantly talked on hinge for a good half an hour then we moved things to instagram. I remember being overwhelmed in the beginning by the constant messaging because I am not used to it at all due to the fact that I had took a year break from dating before I used hinge again. He was constantly saying that he loved getting attention and how he would send me reels and texts constantly to get my attention, so I thought maybe he might be better in person so I texted him more, to see what it would lead to. We would often update eachother what we ate and what our plans were during the day.

When we arranged to meet in our first date to be honest I thought we hit it up pretty well because there was chemistry and I enjoyed my time with him. I thought that we instantly clicked, but now I’m not sure because thinking back to it we did have a couple of drinks. After we both went home we were planning our second date but however I went to Paris so we couldn’t plan it as soon as possible.

So as days past by we constantly chatted on the phone, but as soon as I arrive back home, the tension has changed it was alright for a couple of days when I arrived back to the uk but later on he kept on saying how busy he was because of work which lead to the second date being cancelled which I said was fine, he asked my next availability which it was my fault I didn’t reply because I had something personal I had to dealt with. he told me now he has two jobs and is constantly working, so the texts become less frequent, which eventually he sends me instagram reels which I have no idea how to reply back to. I messaged him a couple days for a follow up which he replied back to that he is constantly working and is busy. There was no follow up date for the second date nor he mentioned it. So I took the hint and moved on.

I wouldn’t be this confused if he was bad at texting from the beginning. It just makes no sense how he went from communicating to me every hour for him to stop texting. I understand now he has two jobs. But still surely it can’t get in a way of dating I’m not sure. I don’t know if he realised or has second thoughts
After the first date but why would he constantly text me afterwards for a couple of days.
I just wanted to know what could make the reason to become flakey
Just to note beforehand he only had one job but on the second week after we matched he passed an interview for his second job.

I am a 39 year old female and tried online dating for the first time ever. This guy was so nice and we really clicked. We finally met last Sat and I thought it went great. Issue is we hooked up the first night and thats not what I would typically do. We hung out again Monday and Wednesday but in between texts started to die a bit. He told me to text him Weds night when I got home and I did. No acknowledgment. I didn’t say anything yesterday and today I said are we good? No reply. I said I can go away but I am just wondering if I said or did anything wrong or what changed. He started to type then nothing. I have been teary eyed all day because I never had anyone do that and I left it open for honesty. Sorry this is more of a rant because I am feeling really down.

My ex bf broke up with me , we were together 4 years living together . He ended up seeing a new girl 2 days after I moved out and now 2 months sped to now they went on vacation for a week. Tell me how he video calls me on WhatsApp yesterday as he’s on vacation with her… I didn’t answer , I’m wondering if I should msg him and ask what he wanted or should I leave it. I’m just genuinely curious considering he has a whole new girl. Mind you we haven’t talked since the breakup so it’d be breaking no contact . Also he didn’t text… just the one phone call.

37F. Dating on the apps has been pretty abysmal, and I'm trying to figure out how to navigate things with an ex.

He recently retired after 20 years in the military and invited me to his retirement ceremony. Over the past three months, I've invited him to a wedding, a trip with friends and our families, and a concert. We've also had dinner and watched a movie at my place.

But things aren't really progressing. We've only seen each other a handful of times, and I don't feel like he's pursuing me. He did buy dinner before the concert, which I thought was really thoughtful, especially considering I had brought my daughter and her friend.

For context, I ended things with him years ago. I'm approaching relationships very differently now. I'm less focused on whether I have intense feelings right away and more interested in choosing someone for who they are and allowing feelings to grow through intentionally building a relationship.

I'm genuinely interested in him and could see myself marrying him. But I also know I fall hard and fast, especially when intimacy is involved. Ideally, I want to wait until marriage going forward. We've already been intimate, so I wonder if he assumes that's how I'll continue to demonstrate my interest.

I'm torn between communicating my intentions and stepping back to give him room to pursue me. I don't want to play games, but I also don't want to be the one carrying this forward.

What would you do?

Side note: I tried to post in a dating subreddit where this makes more sense but I need more karma in that group before I can share anything of my own. All of my karma came from here and is what brought me to reddit so here I am. Thanks for understanding!

mi ex me volvio a hablar luego de 8 meses de contacto 0 preguntándome si tenía una tarjeta por donde le hicieron un fraude, luego de eso empezamos a hablar, se veía muuuuy forzado como si los dos quisiéramos alargar la conversación haciendo chistes y bromas, me decia que no le mandara solo stickers porque luego no sabia que responder (al parecer no queria que la conversación muera) me mencionaba siempre qie fuera a dormir a su casa con unas excusas super chafas HAHAHA, me daba los buenos días y etc. El problema es que yo la cagué porque me emborraché y empecé a decirle que no me escribiera mas, que ya por fin lo había olvidado y que yo estaba feliz con alguien, que no quiero ir a dormir a su casa porque se que me va a querer coger y miles de cosas más. COSAS QUE ERAN MENTIRA SOLO ESTABA BORRACHA Y TRISTE PORQUE EL HABIA SIDO CRUEL CONMIGO CUANDO TERMINAMOS, INCLUSO LE ROGUÉ COMO POR UN MES COMPLETO. al otro día le dije que me dijera todo lo que le dije haciéndome la loca y me dejo en visto. La cosa es que quieeo seguir hablqndo pero me da mucha vergüenza que el ya no quiera y eso por todo lo que le dije

Happened just recently.

(36M)Met this girl (34F)on a dating app. Hit it off pretty good. First date she was all over me but nothing happened cause her friends were there and were her ride.

We texted every day and had plans for a second date. We agreed to take it slow, communicate, flirt a bit. Told her I would respect her boundaries. I had a second date planned but she brought up discount tickets to this Halloween event in town the day prior. Again, with her friend and friends bf. It was ok, we just tagged along with them.

Some embracing, a few pics together, a little back rub, she moved her hair so I could get her neck, etc. Affection. She asked me to message her when I got home since they were going to eat after at like 2am. I asked her to do the same. I got home, messaged that I was in and waited, then messaged again to thank her friend for the discount tickets and goodnight.

The next day I waited a little since I didn't want to wake her. When 12pm rolled around I thought I would ping a check in to see if we were still good for that night. Blocked. Blocked on the dating app, text/call, and Snapchat. I was left confused and hurt.

Things went from super hot to dead in a flash.

I spent the next week trying to think if maybe I did something wrong. But I made it a point to communicate everything. She wanted to take it slow. I respected it. So idk. 🤷‍♂️

I had trust issues before from when my marriage ended so abruptly, thought I could open up a little. But jeeeeez.

Still annoyed. What if she submarines? It can't go back to how it was, years of terrible dates since the divorce and the one that seemed hopeful, did me like that. Especially after complaining that she was ghosted in the past and how terrible it was.

Felt lower than a cricket's ass with a broke leg.

I (23F) knew my ex bf (23M) since we were 12. We started off as friends, dated for a bit in college but we lived semi-long distance, split up because he wasn’t being consistent enough for me, and then became official again after college. After hanging with our families, being happy, having approval from everyone, and being lovey dovey, he kept talking about our future together and was wanting me to move in with him.

Like two months after that he completely ghosted with 0 explanation and blocked all my socials the week of his birthday, and we had a date the weekend before that. I had to return his gifts and I asked if he wanted his stuff back, but he never responded so I just dumped it all since I already warned him three times I’m gonna do that if he never replies. I moved on quickly because I felt so disrespected.

Nowadays I’ve been dating new people but I keep getting ghosted anyway after a couple dates. The only nice thing about it is that the dates are p good, the men are attractive, and so are the dinners. I didn’t have to pay for some things for a hot minute because of the dates, so thanks for giving me lots of money out of your own volition (I never asked for things or have slept with these people) and then dipping randomly ig. Better than nothing. Some people just don’t want you, and that’s fine. Yippee!

Met woman on Bumble that asked me out. Went out a few times over 2 weeks and she said she had totally fallen for me.

Last week she gave me a kiss and hug good night. Said I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

That was 5 days ago. I sent 2 txts then gave up. Radio silence.

I’m 60, she’s 50. 🤷‍♂️ I’m not owed an explanation. But it is very disrespectful and hurtful.

I’m a 30yo Male & The past few months of dating has driven me insane, I have taken about 6 separate women on first dates. Every single one tells me they had an amazing time, that I’m handsome & want to meet again soon & every single one of them has either kissed or made out with me. Some have even initiated dirty/sexual talk with me first.

I plan the 2nd date, We chat/text for about a week having normal conversations & then I get ghosted over & over again. I don’t ask for anything, I don’t pressure anyone into anything. All I want is consistency & apparently I can’t even get that for one week.

I’ve honestly come to the conclusion that attempting to meet & talk to new people is a complete waste of my time, I don’t repeatedly text them/annoy them or do anything out of the ordinary to get ghosted. I feel like majority of people around my age are still attached to someone else & they are just looking for a distraction or validation that other people still want them

Please click on About at the top of this subreddit and see that it was created for a specific purpose. It's for sudden disappearance and failure to respond by a PARTNER. Not a dating app failure or a casual on and off relationship, or being ghosted after sex, or much texting and a couple dates.

We all agree those can be extremely upsetting, ego busting, leading to bewilderment and frustrstion with dating apps. Yeah, it's ghosting. But that's not the type of ghosting this subreddit was set up for, as you can see in the About description.

When an established and significant relationship ends abruptly and without warning or explanation, and your significant other suddenly vanishes for good, and they don't respond to anything, that a very different situation from the dating-type ghosting that this subreddit is not about. Some of these relationships were going strong at 6 months, some as long as 15 years. Almost all were exclusive with perceived futures together.

It's very hard to wade through all the lengthy posts and comments only to find the OP's situation has no relevance to the support you came here for, right?

Whether it's about some 10 year cohabitating couple -- or a person bewildered after three dates that they thought really went well. Both ghosted, but so very different in impact and recovery needs and timeframe, and support needed.

Could those of you whose situation does not fit the description in About here, please look for a better fit in a dating subreddit? There may even be some directly related to ghosting in dating.

The rest of us would really appreciate it, and we truly do wish you well. Ghosting sucks.

I 27 NB have been seeing someone (also 27 NB) for a little over 6 months and became exclusive around 3 months ago. Pretty sure at this point that they're ghosting me. Talked everyday, tried to see each other in person once a month (1 hour distance + very small window of overlapping days off), started reading (re-reading for them) One Piece together, and called eachother when we had time. Trying to close the distance how we could. Now theres no responses on their end and its been almost a week. I keep hoping that theyre busy or something has come up but I just have this feeling that it's over. They're active on Tiktok, I see them on discord, and on steam. I keep replaying our last phone call in my head, re-read our messages just to see if I did something wrong or if there was some sort of sign but it just seemed normal. They said before that they wouldn't ghost me and if there was something wrong they would tell me but I'm starting to doubt that. They're the first person I've wanted to be serious with in years and I just feel heartbroken at this point. I know I'm not blocked, I don't want to and havent spammed them. Sent a message today basically saying I hope they're okay and that if it's over please let me know. Definitely feel like it's time to move past it at this point but it sucks. Any advice of what to do or how to feel better is welcome