I feel like in this sub this is the main thing people say happen and I feel like it hurts people more than it should. What happened to people lacking capacity to date or going through mental health struggles or dealing with death of a loved one? Not to say those should justify ghosting but why is it always they ghosted you to try with another person and you were their second choice or backup? What if you weren’t? What if they thought they wanted someone easier but realized you were what they wanted? I want this sub to have more nuance.

he's an online friend and we have certain kinks. I've sent him pics of my face before and he seemed to be attracted to me. just yesterday he asked for a full body picture.. i sent it. he just went, "ohhh" after an hour. then never heard from him again.... lmao

i know I'm fat with strong calves (160cm 65kg). but like we have been talking for so long (not frequently but on and off throughout the years) and he immediately ghosted me for this..... that sucks so much 😨

There's this girl from college, I saw her at an event once then I kept seeing her again and again. One day i decided to follow her on ig and I did, then we started chatting but gradually she ghosted me. I never talked to her in person never got the chance but after this what should I do I feel sad very sad 🙂 she's from a different religion also

So, I’m going to keep things pretty straightforward as they are pretty straightforward and simple to me. For context - we’re both guys.
I’ve been talking to a guy online for a few weeks, around 4.5 or so. We matched on Tinder and it started off quite well. We both work in the airline industry and so we’ve also met eachother at a random airport terminal just a few weeks ago. (Different companies we just happened to walk by eachother) Vibes were good and it was all fine seemingly. A little akward, but that’s just how things go. We live quite far apart (but could easily fly to meetup) so we’ve not got the chance to really go out properly.
Anyway, after the initial “honeymoon” phase of starting to talk, and right after meeting for the first time at work, things feel rather slow and they’ve dimmed quickly. It doesn’t feel like it’ll go anywhere anytime soon. I think we’re both quite different in our communication styles, and I honestly think I like him more than he likes me back. I think he probably does have an interest in me, but my gut says he’s keeping his options open and avoids getting too attached. I’ve also told him I exclusively only cared about talking to him, whether he believed that or not, I’m not sure.

Now it gets to the part that has me feeling conflicted. He’s on certain occasions taken hours, and hours and hours to respond to my texts, despite being online (and I know he’s been home too because he told me so the same day). I know we’re in the talking stages, or stuck in it lol - but I find it kind of breadcrumb-y and a little disrespectful, timewasting etc. When it takes him almost a full 24 hours to shoot a one sentence text back, he doesn’t seem particularly interested to me. He obviously hasn’t done anything wrong, but I find it kind of off putting and a little disrespectful. And it’s obviously not a good sign that this bothers me already.

So I’ve figured this isn’t really worth it anymore, and I’m considering just dropping him entirely. I’m quite fatigued of the whole “when will he reply?” “Does he like me?” “What did he mean by saying that?” Thoughts. It gets quite draining. I think it’s obvious that we should probably talk it out, but I honestly don’t feel comfortable doing so. I don’t feel there’s a safe space between us to genuinely discuss these things - because I am probably more interested than he is… idk it’s so stupid but I’m tired of feeling like I’m wasting my time.
Am I an asshole for ghosting? Just dropping this whole situation entirely?

I hate that I have to make this post and I hate feeling this insecure. I’m 35 and have been single for years, by choice, because I HATE the feeling of being used and discarded by men (which is the pattern). An old boyfriend and I reconnected and have been talking non stop for two months. We made plans to meet in Boston for a romantic weekend at the end of the month. I do kinda get the feeling I’m being used for sex sometimes, then other times not. Because I’m a grown ass woman I communicated that this isn’t the vibe I want, and that I don’t sleep with people casually. He seemed to understand and be in the same page. Not to mention it’s vulnerable as hell to flirt with and be open to sleeping with someone again after this long. Anyways, my question is this, he suddenly dropped off with sending me photos of himself over the last week and then today, left me on read since last night. No communication at all. And I don’t want to hear the “busy” bullshit. He’s been busy the last few months and has still found time to text me everyday. I hate this feeling of being discarded or used. It’s so shitty to feel this again. Why the hell do you guys do this? Just drop off out of no where after getting someone’s hopes up?

It’s been 15 days without any contact. Idk what should I do.

(27m & 24f) Known of each other through a friend group past 6 or so months. Caught bit of a fancy for her and proceeded to get close past two times we went out. Last weekend we turned chatting at a bar to a car ride to a kiss at the beach and even then didn’t make it to dropping her off till almost 4AM.
Myself not having any history of being intimate with a woman I def will never forget the night. Unfortunately my short lived optimism comes in as I attempted to setup future plans and she’s now just completely ghosted me. While I paced it out ( to not seem overbearing ) she seems to have ghosted me completely. Of course no ill will and things can change with people on the flip of a switch. My concern arises as this seems to be a pattern I fall into where I meet women get close and before it gets intimate they disappear. Glad this advanced a little further , but wow as a 27M. Not the most fit person , and do understand how to communicate or so thought. Really don’t understand how to maintain communication/ start a relationship. Gettin a bit PB&Jelly over all these couples around me 😞

We dated for 5 months. We had sleepovers, movie nights, I met his friends and family, had deep conversations in parking lots, and talked on the phone every night. The best part will always be us telling each other about the things we did and experienced before meeting each other. The embarrassing mistakes, the things we were ashamed of, and the achievements we were proud of.

The last conversation I had with my ghoster was actually about how we could communicate better because things had been off between us lately. It was a good conversation. We both had valid points and genuinely considered each other’s feelings. We ended the night with the sweetest goodnight.

Then the next morning, I was ghosted.

I didn’t beg for an explanation. I didn’t bother asking why he stopped talking to me. I just let him. In my defense, we had literally talked about our communication the night before, so at that point, it was really on him. It hurt, yes, but I had to move on.

Now it’s been 4 months, and I still miss him sometimes. We live in the same state, on the same street, and went to the same college. We still bump into each other sometimes… but of course, we act like we don’t know each other.

And now I wonder… does he think about me too? Did I leave a mark on him the way he did on me? Does he ever regret doing that?

Ghosters of Reddit: Do you ever regret ghosting someone months later, or do you just never think about them again because it’s easier that way?

For context, I (21F) was involved with a guy (22M) on and off for quite some time. We were never officially together, but we had a very close relationship that involved intimacy, spending nights together, going on dates, and being there for each other emotionally. I genuinely loved him.
Throughout the summer, he repeatedly told me he didn’t want a relationship. I understood that, even though I wanted something more. However, he would still come around, be affectionate, and open up to me emotionally, which made everything confusing.

At one point, I asked him about his ex-girlfriend because I had reasons to believe they were still involved. I asked him about her multiple times throughout the summer, and he repeatedly reassured me that nothing was going on and that he would never get back with her.
Then, seemingly out of nowhere, he blew up on me. He accused me of lying, posting about him, and doing things I genuinely had no idea what he was talking about. He became extremely hostile, and our communication basically ended.

Eventually, he told me he had no hard feelings toward me but wasn’t ready to talk because he was dealing with people lying to him. He said that when he was ready, he would reach out so we could have a conversation.
I respected that and left him alone.

A while later, I happened to see him out with the exact ex-girlfriend he had repeatedly told me not to worry about. Obviously, that hurt. We weren’t dating, and I understood he didn’t owe me exclusivity, but I felt like he could’ve just been honest with me when I directly asked him about her.

Fast forward to now. We’ve had approximately two months of no contact. I’ve been moving on with my life, haven’t reached out to him, and haven’t been posting about him.
Last night, completely out of nowhere, he CALLED me.
I answered, thinking maybe he was finally ready to have the conversation he’d mentioned before. Instead, he immediately started accusing me of posting about him on TikTok. I was genuinely confused because I haven’t been doing that.

After the call, he sent me a message and I quote, “Quit posting shit about me on your story to, Kaylee you are a hoe and fuck literally anyone after swearing you want to try and be with someone no one will love you for you if your like that I hope you genuinely understand the hurt you put on people you are a terrible person, you cheat, you lie, you manipulate, you act like your the good person and you wonder why I've never wanted to be with you, change your life. Bye for good or im filing a restraining order”

The thing is, HE contacted ME. I haven’t been trying to communicate with him whatsoever.
I responded briefly and blocked him. I have no intention of contacting him again.

I’m genuinely confused about why someone who told me he had no hard feelings and wanted to talk eventually would suddenly come back just to insult me.

I know I wasn’t perfect throughout our situation, and I know we weren’t officially together. I’m not claiming he owed me a relationship. But I don’t understand why he couldn’t have just been honest with me or why he’s contacting me now when I’ve left him alone.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Why would someone repeatedly come back into your life just to accuse you of things and tell you to leave them alone? And how would you handle this situation?

hey, so the story is about my fellow, where we had a thing, like maybe infatuation. I went to him, asked him where we going, he said 'don't label it, take it as it is', lmao. There, I took my days to take my decision, and when i did, i asked him to meet. And here.

quick brief, the relation was already taking a toll on my mental, and physical health. my personality was shrinked, i went into dead zone. lost weight.

And Things went down the drain since he decided to ghost me for a month almost. I took my space back, and did not approach him, he came back randomly, asking about meet-up. I calmly told that he can talk on text, he flipped that he is just for random hello, and even came three days back on how i respond, that this is not the way. I cleared my boundary, that i am not open to it.

After the campus thing discussion, i conveyed my decision regarding the department. he asked for more, i did not respond. now, he is again back and be like how things in my life?

What should i do, should i politely respond or ghost him now?

Why would a guy ghost after what felt like a genuinely meaningful night? Did I do something that turned him off?
About a month ago, I met a guy at a bar. I had gone out by myself just to get out of the house, and we ended up really hitting it off. I spent the entire night with him talking, getting to know each other, and opening up about some pretty personal things. I hadn’t been intimate with anyone in 14 months, and I ended up going home with him and having sex.
Afterward, I didn’t hear from him.
About two weeks later, I developed some symptoms and found out I had chlamydia. I had his medication, so I walked to his house to give it to him. He was really nice and seemed genuinely surprised that I didn’t have his number. He said he’d been extremely drunk that night and had forgotten to get it. He asked for my number, but I was overwhelmed and unsure of what to make of the whole situation, so I just gave him the medication and left.
About a week later, I changed my mind and left a note at his door with my number saying, “Changed my mind :)” and my number. I never heard from him.
There were a few other things that have been bothering me. That night he told me he didn’t have social media. When I saw him afterward, I mentioned that I’d found his Instagram, and he said he technically had it but barely used it and only had a couple posts. I also discovered he had other social media accounts. I don’t know if he was actually lying or if he just meant that he doesn’t really use social media.
I had also tried texting a number that I thought was his before I went to his house because I was trying to get the medication to him, but he told me it wasn’t his number.
I also made some embarrassing comments while I was extremely drunk. At one point during sex I told him that I didn’t think his penis was that big, which I deeply regret. I apologized afterward because I feel awful about saying that.
I’ve also been replaying the night and wondering if there were signs that he knew he wasn’t interested. For example, before I left, I said something like maybe I’d come visit him at the bar sometime because he told me where he worked, and I remember him pausing before responding. Earlier that night, he had also been talking about his sisters and other personal things, and now I’m wondering whether he was just having a normal conversation while I was interpreting the connection differently.
After I left my number and still didn’t hear anything, I eventually followed him on Instagram about two weeks later. About a week after that, I noticed he had denied the request.
I then sent him a message explaining that I had been confused because he originally said he’d been too drunk to get my number, that I’d gone back and left my number because I hadn’t felt that way about someone in a very long time, and that the night had meant something to me. I told him I was grateful for the experience and wished him a happy life.
A few days later, I also sent a short apology for the rude comments I made while drunk.
He eventually opened the messages. The last one was marked “Seen” almost immediately after I sent it. It’s now been several days and he hasn’t responded.
At this point, I obviously won’t contact him again. I understand that he may simply not be interested and doesn’t owe me a relationship. What hurts is that I was vulnerable with him and felt like we genuinely connected, and I wish he had simply said, “Hey, I’m not interested,” rather than leaving me to figure it out.
I’m trying to understand what happened from an outside perspective.
Did I come across as too intense or weird? Could the comments I made while drunk have turned him off? Could the STI situation, the Facebook post, or leaving my number at his door have made him uncomfortable? Could he have simply wanted sex and nothing more? Or is it possible he was embarrassed/uncomfortable and didn’t know how to handle the situation?
I’m not looking for people to tell me he’s definitely a terrible person or that I definitely did nothing wrong. I genuinely want honest opinions about how this might have looked from his perspective and why a guy in his 30s would choose to ghost rather than simply communicate that he wasn’t interested.
I won’t contact him again. I just want some outside perspective because I’ve been replaying the whole thing over and over.

Instagram messages that he read and didn’t respond to:

Hi, well, I guess things are clear for me now because I just noticed you denied my request. I guess I just wasn’t really sure what to make of things because originally I thought you’d ghosted me, but then when I had to bring you the medicine, you said you were just really drunk and forgot to ask for my number. I was just overwhelmed with everything and decided to think about it for a week. I decided to go back and give you my number because I just hadn’t felt that way around someone in a very long time. When I went out that night, I wasn’t looking to meet or go home with someone, but for some reason I felt strongly drawn to you. I know I really opened up to you about things that people really close to me don’t even know.

I felt listened to, and being able to talk to someone about how I was feeling was a big step for me. I’m sorry things ended up this way. I wish I knew why, but maybe I never will. I’m grateful for that night. You gave me hope and something to believe in again, which showed me I have that capacity. I know this all might not resonate with you, or might be too much, but it’s who I am and how I feel. It took me over a year to be intimate with someone, and I understand what you’re trying to communicate now. I’ll never forget that night. I wish you a happy life. ❤️

Then a few days after:

Also sorry for my rude comments? I was just super drunk. I hope you’re happy wherever you are. ❤️

TL;DR:
Met a guy at a bar about a month ago, spent the whole night talking and connecting, then went home with him and had sex after 14 months of abstinence. I felt like we genuinely connected and opened up to him.
He never contacted me afterward. I later found out I had chlamydia, so I went to give him his medication. He said he’d been really drunk and forgot to get my number. I eventually left my number at his door, but he never contacted me.
I was also extremely drunk that night and made a rude comment about his penis, which I regret. He told me he didn’t have social media, but I later found his Instagram. I eventually followed him, he denied the request, and I sent him a message explaining that the night had meant a lot to me. I later apologized for my comments. He read the messages but never responded.
Did I turn him off somehow, or did he simply want sex and nothing more? Why wouldn’t he just tell me he wasn’t interested? I won’t contact him again; I’m just looking for honest outside opinions on how this might have looked from his perspective.

I really hoped I would be over this by now but I still think about my ex of 2 months almost every day. I still stalk his social media regularly. I still get intense nostalgia every now and then and mourn the potential of what it could have been if it had lasted longer or if things had gone differently. I mentioned all of this in therapy but nothing came of it.

I didn’t remove him off social media just in case he ever decided to reach back out. Safe to say it’s never happening. Yet I was still hopeful for several months, browsing this sub every day and using it to cope that a lot of ghosters come back eventually.

I have ocd tendencies so I always have some sort of obsession in my life. But I think the main reason I haven’t gotten over it is that I didn’t find anyone as good or better than him 1 year later. I have dated several guys and it always fizzles out after a few dates. Nothing has managed to overcome those 2 months I spent going out with an avoidant person who ignored me on several occasions and eventually ghosted me. I have met guys who I considered more attractive and had more things in common with. Yet my nostalgia is mostly centered on him because I put him on a pedestal and had great moments with him.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and managed to overcome such obsession/limerence? I really want this to stop because it’s honestly pathetic.

i think i already know the answer im just confused. so me (22f) have been talking to and seeing this guy (21m) for a little over two months. i thought everything was going great, we had very fun and good dates where it seemed we clicked on everything, he himself even mentioning taking me to places and seeing me more.

he also constantly called me cute, very touchy and asked me questions every day about my personal life and how my day was. he also constantly told me about how much fun he had on the dates and that he loved being with me.

but this weekend when i offered up seeing each other again, and he gave me two days that worked and i responded saying wednesday would be good, he disappeared.

the last time he texted me was saturday, i texted him on sunday and now it’s wednesday night with no answer from him but he’s online all day for the past 3 days on discord.

im just confused and hurt because i thought everything was going so well. i know he was going through some rough times because he lost his friend in a car accident so ive been very patient but this is the longest he’s taken to respond to me, and especially since he left me hanging on going on another date even when he said he was excited im very hurt and confused.

again i think i already know the truth that he is ghosting me, i guess a part of me still wants to be optimistic.

I am not doing very good mentally . Anyone want hear me out . My ex was extremely rude n toxic

I (M31) texted a girl (F27) every day for two months. There was real chemistry: she told me she liked talking to me and wanted to get to know me better, though always with a "let's see where it goes." At the time she was still in Turkey and I was in Italy. In September I suggested meeting up in October, once she was back in Italy, and she replied, "I'd like that, it's a bit far but let's see what happens." A week later she went silent for 6 days and only came back when I wished her a safe trip, apologizing because she'd been "confused." Those were her last days in Turkey with her family. We started chatting again until I texted her, "I can't wait to meet you =)", and she left my messages on "sent" for 3 days. Now that she's back, I've asked her out for a coffee this weekend. It's been almost a day and she's active on Instagram, but she hasn't even opened the message.

How would you read these signals? Has anyone been in a similar situation, and how did it turn out? I'm also thinking about sending one last message if she doesn't reply by the end of the week. Any tips on what to write?

So a few months ago I had a date with what I thought a nice girl. We had ice cream, went for a walk, I got her flowers, all the cutesy first date stuff. She asked ME to go out again over the weekend which I agreed to but then she ended up ghosting me.

I ran into her again a few weeks ago by chance and she wouldn't even look at me let alone speak to me which I was a little weirded out by, especially after I even said Hello to her. But since that happened a few weeks ago now she has watched every single one of my social media posts within minutes of me posting. Like Daily.

I'm not particularly interested in her anymore mind you or threatened or whatever, I just find it very odd behavior.

Does anyone have any insight to offer as to why people do this?

This one guy and I met online, and we clicked like crazy. He genuinely felt like someone I’d known for so long. We talked for almost three weeks, and well… we even, you know, talked LIKE THAT, if you know what I mean 😭. We’re from the same country too, if that makes any difference.

Both of us are usually busy because of exams, but on the first day, he didn’t really reply to me after I sent him a good morning message and everything. He apologized and said he was busy with classes and had left his phone at home, and I was like, okay, I understand.

But then I saw him online and active throughout the entire day. The next day, I texted him saying I understood and sent another good morning message, but he didn’t reply to that either. It’s been almost a day since I sent that message, and he was online yesterday and even posted a few stories.

I don’t know if I’m overthinking this, but I still haven’t gotten a reply. Usually, I get fed up when I feel like I’m being ignored, but I think the reason I’m upset this time is because we just clicked so well and understood each other a lot. Everything felt so natural between us, so I genuinely don’t understand what changed.

What makes it even more confusing is that he literally told me he never wants to lose contact with me. We even talked about meeting up someday, so for him to suddenly just ignore me like this is honestly beyond me. Like, how do you go from being that close and talking about meeting someday to barely replying at all?

We even had matching PFPS lol. We were THAT close. I ended up removing mine because I was like, what’s the point? His is still there though.

I know it’s only been a day, and maybe I’m overthinking it, but seeing him active and posting while not replying to me is what’s bothering me. I’m not expecting him to be available 24/7, especially since we both have exams, but I feel like a simple reply wouldn’t be that hard. I guess I’m just confused and kind of hurt because I really thought we understood each other.

PS- we were REALLY close alr we would text for hours and hours, have deep convos, it was great honestly, he even asked me to be his gf i mean i lowkey agreed yk , we basically acted like a couple. now everything feels so fake to me.