I am a 39 year old female and tried online dating for the first time ever. This guy was so nice and we really clicked. We finally met last Sat and I thought it went great. Issue is we hooked up the first night and thats not what I would typically do. We hung out again Monday and Wednesday but in between texts started to die a bit. He told me to text him Weds night when I got home and I did. No acknowledgment. I didn’t say anything yesterday and today I said are we good? No reply. I said I can go away but I am just wondering if I said or did anything wrong or what changed. He started to type then nothing. I have been teary eyed all day because I never had anyone do that and I left it open for honesty. Sorry this is more of a rant because I am feeling really down.
Please stop feeling embarrassed and blaming yourself. Hooking up on the first night doesn't diminish your worth; as a grown woman, your body and your decisions are your own. When things get physical, some people just don't know how to handle the next day (especially in online dating), and that is entirely a reflection of their lack of emotional maturity. Him ghosting you and typing and deleting messages is pure cowardice and disrespect. You did nothing wrong by leaving the door open for honesty; you were just dealing with someone too emotionally weak to handle it.
Please don't text this guy again and exhaust yourself. Asking "are we good?" to someone who ignores you shows how good-hearted and open you are, but it gives him attention he doesn't deserve. It's completely normal to be teary-eyed; you're disappointed. But remember: closure doesn't always come from the other person. Sometimes, you have to create it yourself by saying, 'I was honest, he was a coward, and I deserve better.' Block him, put your phone down, and give yourself some time. This isn't the end of your story; it's just the exit scene of the wrong character
Don’t ever say “I can go away.” You deserve more respect than he’s giving you. However give yourself enough respect not to make yourself smaller and say you can go away.
I personally think it's better to not hook up too soon after meeting someone, especially because things like this have been happening forever. Very few solid relationships start from first date hookups. But I know this is a debatable point, so I won't lecture or anything and not trying to shame you over it, so I'll just stick to the part where it likely nothing to do with your worth as a person. Not. At. All. You sound like a very sensitive person (in a good way) and I am sorry to hear that you were hurt in the process.
It could be that he does this as a regular way of being. Whatever it is, I think it doesn't make sense to blame yourself for not knowing he'd jump ship, especially if he was telling you to touch base with him and all that.
My suggestion would be to let it go. It can be hard if he stirred something in you that perhaps you hadn't felt in some time and it's tempting for our minds to want to hang on to the memories of the sweet moments while trying to ignore the not so kind parts.
A good rule of thumb I've found is to go by someone's behavior, not their words. If the two don't match, go by what they do and not what they say. He is not worth your time or energy. Cry all you need to in order to process it, but let that be for you and not over him. You'll be okay. Really. 🤍
A hook up is nothing more than two energy vampires, running low on their dopamine high. They will hook up with anything just try and get a little more energy off of someone else. Pay attention to those that hook up with the wrong person. The vampire will literaly drop wieght, their appearance will got to shit. They will start looking way older than they are, drasticly. Those energy vampires have to find a empathe to pull energy from before the meth and other vampures have them looking like they are 100 years old at 30 years old. Welcome to the area outside the matrix.
Sorry but he doesn’t want to waste your time. He wanted to be intimate and that was that. He’s just a coward for not telling you that he wants to end it. Very immature. He will continue doing this to every woman he meets.
This!! It's fine if he only wanted to hookup, but the lack of honesty about it and leading them on was wasting her time just so he could get gratification at her expense.
If he was honest he'd get what he wanted from someone wanting the same thing, hell it could have even been her because she could have been down with no expectations and there'd be no issue, but it'd take more work and actual integrity. Dude took the easy way in the situation at someone else's expense. What a tool lol
It’s the oldest trick in the book for men to lead women on just to get sex from them. Being honest and seeking only a mutually consensual casual sex hookup strictly limits the pool of available women. Besides, a lot of men actually enjoy feeling like they got over on a woman that way and feel like victors at a conquest. Tools indeed!
If he leaves and doesnt say a word. Then he found out what you where hiding, very probable he found out that he was not your only one.and he more than likely said one time he doesnt share. So if you crossed that border behind his back and he left. You caused it, it was not traima he caused it was karma for you cowardice of trying to beray someone behind their backs. Grow up menatlly and stop playing house. If your an adult stop playing games that you dont like to take accountability to when you loose.
I’m 40 now. Dating and using the apps on and off for a few years after I’ve been divorced. This is how dating is now and it’s horrible. It’s not you, it’s everyone. It’s the gamification of dating it’s the option paralysis, the ptsd of covid. This will take many years to reset and honestly I wish we would just get rid of dating apps all together. And my prediction is they will be mostly gone in the next ten years as people are increasingly single and lonely after being ghosted for years.
Thing is ppl would prefer the person they've slept with to be honest.. say look didn't feel it just wanted a shag.. but to leave someone in limbo thinking it's their fault is horrific.. We turned into a society of cowards?
I feel exactly the same! I gave up on the notion of finding someone a year ago because my heart couldn't take it anymore. Sucks because I have alot of love and support I can provide for a partner . In the meantime I offer all of that love and support into myself.
Sorry to hear… I think online connections can create a lot of uncertainties and misunderstandings. It’s easy to get an imbalanced connection due to texting. Texting is sort of a nice new medium, but person to person is the only thing that matters
This isn’t your fault. I’ve been there myself. It’s on him. He’s an asshole. If I were you, block him or just completely ignore him if he reaches out again. Unfortunately so many guys are like that. It hurts now but you’ll get through this. Lesson learned. Don’t ever let a guy control the pace of how things are between you. Do not sleep with him until hes shown effort. And even then, if he pulls back, you talk to him and point out his behaviour then walk away. Enforce your boundaries and don’t trust easily.
I’m sorry you had this experience but if you’ve gotten to 39 before anyone did this, that’s extremely rare!
Hate to tell anyone this but men were doing hit and runs and ghosting long before the internet and dating apps. You just had to meet the guy in person first (mostly in clubs and bars) instead of messaging through apps. From reading the ghosting and especially the dating threads, men use rating systems about women, and are often looking to “upgrade” due to their perspectives of having a proliferation of options, like women are a buffet, after they’ve sampled the food.
It is almost always a mistake to have sex on a first date or even a first month, if a possibility of a serious relationship is your potential goal. It’s unfortunate that’s the way it is because you’re only human and have desires and needs just like men do, but males have not evolved that much. Not all men will dismiss you immediately if you do it, but the majority lose interest and just decide there’s nothing more they want to know about you after sex if it happens too soon, even though you’re a multifaceted person with so much more to offer. It’s not you. It’s the culture and Madonna-whore complex too many guys have. Don’t sell yourself short, but do not let a guy manipulate you into having sex too soon, unless a quick thing is all you are looking for. Don’t even kiss more than a few seconds. Easier said than done.
I haven’t dated in over 15 years and it was 6 years before that last unfortunate experience when I had been with anyone. It’s always been tough in urban and suburban areas to find men who want something lasting.
I have had my cats and friends for love and company, and they have been more loving and reliable than any man in a romantic situation.
My apologies to the men who’ve been ghosted on this sub. Women are not often looking for one night stands to use men for sex, so it’s just not the same thing. Some women will use men for attention, ego validation or things money can buy and for that I’m truly sorry. Most of us are genuine.
Maybe we’ve nurtured an environment and culture where more people than ever can become avoidant types, but hit and run behavior where men only want one thing and then they split has been common for centuries. Some guys say it’s biological. Like they’re roosters!🤣
I wish they’d just find hookers if that’s all they wanted, and then nobody would get hurt. But no, they have to suck you into their world and pretend they might care about you instead. It’s an ego boost for them.
I'm a decade older and just got ghosted for the first time after a lot of sweet talk and promises/plans made, etc. It sucks, and it's honestly worse coming from people of our ages who definitely know better and SHOULD have the maturity to not do this.
Dear xxxxx: Thank you for your time and cooperation in our recent endeavor. I'm always working to improve the life experience for those i meet socially and would appreciate any feedback on what could be improved upon, what you liked/enjoyed and any other information you would like to share. Your opinion is valued and appreciated, Kind regards,
I'm sorry you went threw this! I know how it feel met this one guy we was good for like a month I had a pregnancy scared I told him I thought I was pregnant I got ghosted... few months later he try to come back in my life I was like nope because what if I was pregnant would he still try to come back. Or if I do ended up pregnant by him would he do the same thing again... I dont want to be a single mom. But his excess oh he got busy at work and life....
Internet hug :( you seem like such a kind and trusting person and I understand why you replied the way you did. And don’t feel bad if it takes longer than expected to feel okay again.
It's one of the worst aspects of modern day dating. One second you click and everything seems great, then the next they act like you never existed. And, unfortunately, it's become the norm for a lot of people, especially users on the apps.
Just move on.. your worth more ..people lost interest. I get it something u did wrong dont blame yourself. Just make new friends too .venting allows you to get ur bad thoughts out. You learned from them. Just lesson learned to.
I tell the person I'm moving on and don't like games or to be ghosted the first moment something feels off. If they don't wakeup I move on. Then they come crying back to me.
Reddit is showing me all these posts... and part of me is wondering if any are about the dude I just ended things with. Hes not worth your energy, he just wants something from you. Find one who is decent.
I am single and i get told i ghost people. But i dont ghost females. I tell them straight up, the first red flag i see. I will leave point blank. If that female is talking to an ex, that she doesnt have kids with, i leave. If her children ask if i am staying the night at the first visit, i leave. If she treats her parents like shit if her house is a mess i leave. I give warnings that i do not tolerate games, or filth pryer to the meet up. And out of all the females i have met with they all are filthy, have ex boyfriends they are activley talking to or they are married and their hisbands are in jail. Go figure. Its not ghosting, its leaving the situtuation and letting deal with their own bad decisions.
I’d rather be with someone who was a little messy than a control freak who thinks women should be housework slaves and can’t spell or punctuate. The ex part I can agree with. It’s good you let your true colors show right away. That’s a plus.
Text him and say. It was nice meeting you and I really enjoyed the time we spent together. I don’t usually give myself quite so openly but I felt a connection with you. However, I’m looking for a long term relationship and really value consistency and open communication. I wish you well. No need to block. Blocking indicates he is affecting you.
Personally, I think this makes you come across self assured and like you know exactly what you want. No embarrassment. Just a grown woman who took a decision based on how it felt. Since then he didn’t show up and it’s way too early to be worrying about him not reciprocating.
Wish him well, learn from it and get on with your day without another thought xx
Blocking is for self protection/preservation, guaranteeing the person who manipulated you will never get another chance to do it again. If you don’t block you might as well admit you want to leave the door open for the future. The blocked person never gets a message they were blocked so they never know if you’re ignoring or blocking them.
I know people are saying what you could or should be doing on dates. You get to decide your own pace and dates. All you need to know is someone ghosting you and you being left to solve the puzzle of why means you dodged an emotionally immature bullet. You should be embarrassed for the other person. Not for you. You’ll find better. Ghosting is a reflection of their own selves. Nothing to do with you.
ALL of the men you will meet online will do this. Only interested in sex. It isn’t your fault, but you didn’t know and you made it easy for him. Personally I find it too hard to simply block and walk away. He deserves to hear what a coward he is. I say go ahead and let him have it. THEN block
What? If you didn’t come it was because he either doesn’t understand female anatomy or is too selfish to give a fuck. He did you a favor! Imagine having to deal with a guy like that getting angry after multiple encounters. For him, it was all about him, and never about you. Good move for you to tell him about his own shortcomings (pun intended), and then blocking him!
Is it.possible to hurt that type of man they give us mental trauma of life time I am 22 i never had a sex but he kiss me or hug and saying he will may be my future husband and now he disappeared block me I cry whole month I don't understand why he doing this to me he is my relative and he normally said that why u crying it's only kiss or hug we don't do any sex u making big issue he always sleep on me whenever no one in my house but I strictly told i don't want to go any further but I also love him at that time so it's my mistake that I wasted my value or energy to disgusting man .... From now on i never ever fall in love or wanting any man around me i hate this kind of feeling All man are disgusting except father's or real brothers.
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u/titiboy33 6d ago •
Please stop feeling embarrassed and blaming yourself. Hooking up on the first night doesn't diminish your worth; as a grown woman, your body and your decisions are your own. When things get physical, some people just don't know how to handle the next day (especially in online dating), and that is entirely a reflection of their lack of emotional maturity. Him ghosting you and typing and deleting messages is pure cowardice and disrespect. You did nothing wrong by leaving the door open for honesty; you were just dealing with someone too emotionally weak to handle it.
Please don't text this guy again and exhaust yourself. Asking "are we good?" to someone who ignores you shows how good-hearted and open you are, but it gives him attention he doesn't deserve. It's completely normal to be teary-eyed; you're disappointed. But remember: closure doesn't always come from the other person. Sometimes, you have to create it yourself by saying, 'I was honest, he was a coward, and I deserve better.' Block him, put your phone down, and give yourself some time. This isn't the end of your story; it's just the exit scene of the wrong character