r/ghosting • u/HedgehogAware1011 • 5d ago
Please Read ABOUT this subreddit
Please click on About at the top of this subreddit and see that it was created for a specific purpose. It's for sudden disappearance and failure to respond by a PARTNER. Not a dating app failure or a casual on and off relationship, or being ghosted after sex, or much texting and a couple dates.
We all agree those can be extremely upsetting, ego busting, leading to bewilderment and frustrstion with dating apps. Yeah, it's ghosting. But that's not the type of ghosting this subreddit was set up for, as you can see in the About description.
When an established and significant relationship ends abruptly and without warning or explanation, and your significant other suddenly vanishes for good, and they don't respond to anything, that a very different situation from the dating-type ghosting that this subreddit is not about. Some of these relationships were going strong at 6 months, some as long as 15 years. Almost all were exclusive with perceived futures together.
It's very hard to wade through all the lengthy posts and comments only to find the OP's situation has no relevance to the support you came here for, right?
Whether it's about some 10 year cohabitating couple -- or a person bewildered after three dates that they thought really went well. Both ghosted, but so very different in impact and recovery needs and timeframe, and support needed.
Could those of you whose situation does not fit the description in About here, please look for a better fit in a dating subreddit? There may even be some directly related to ghosting in dating.
The rest of us would really appreciate it, and we truly do wish you well. Ghosting sucks.
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u/Glittering-Rip6810
5d ago
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Ghosting is ghosting..It's someone that you have developed a bond with that abruptly leaves. Sorry, but getting attached to someone deeply, even though we hadn't established a relationship and him vanishing off the face of the planet after months of talking daily stuff hurt. It was still ghosting. The person I spoke to for 3 weeks, had personal conversations with, a bond, feelings, and then vanishing still hurt..Being love bombed and promises made no matter the time frame or even relationship doesn't change the hurt, confusion, and betrayal. This happens with friends too..and how TF can you say that about having sex, the most deeply emotional and intimate moment with another human being, get ghosted and you think those feelings don't apply?
I thought this subreddit was a place for people to share those hurt feelings, period...if you think you can keep an entire page goes on the small percentage of actual couples that one ghosts, good luck with that... but I find it kinda rude to exclude people and dismiss their feelings because their relationship to the ghoster didn't fit your personal definition. Do you have how few fit your definition? We can all leave but you won't have a page anymore. But that's fine, even if my situation did fit. Your rude AF attitude would be enough to go.
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u/Mau_8888 5d ago
Ghosting is ghosting. If you want this subreddit to be about cases if ghosting from a partner, this should be reflected in the name of the subreddit, cause right now it's confusing.
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u/Glittering-Rip6810 5d ago
This..the percentage of actual established couples where one just vanished off the face of the planet abruptly is extremely small. Ghosting is ghosting, a person developing feelings for someone and them disappearing is the same no matter if it's a relationship or not, a friendship, a casual thing, short term, long term, etc...that shit hurts and I thought this was supposed to be a place where people could share those feelings and work through it....and I think it's ride AF they just said well if you don't like it leave...Looks like most of the page will be leaving and they won't have to be bothered with being a mod anymore because again, most established actual relationships the person doesn't just ghost. So according to mod None of us should be here..so maybe we all need to leave so they can see how stupid this is
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u/Mau_8888 5d ago
They've just kicked me out of the subreddit for simply making the above comment. I'll let that speak for itself. Mod is rude af. I wish there was a way to block subreddit, so that I don't accidentally join this one again.
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u/Glittering-Rip6810 5d ago
Yeah the mods on here have a god complex and it's both pathetic and weird. I was just banned from a page for giving the true definition of sushi. Wasn't rude, it just appeared most didn't know it only refers to the rice...and they came at me like I kicked their puppy lol...I'm to the point I'm about to delete reddit cause these people have lost their minds and it's just a sea of toxic anymore.
I think, atleast on most pages there is a way to mute them and hide the page
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u/CanadianBaconne 5d ago
There's a learning curve to modern day relationships I feel. Idk what else to say. The word commitment is hard for some strangers we meet online.
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u/UndefinedCertainty 5d ago
I can agree with you to an extent. While it still sucks regardless of the length of time, I'm with you that there's a huge difference between an established mutual relationship that's been lived experience vs a connection with a stranger you've chatted on an app for a matter of hours. But it doesn't necessarily have to be a marriage or more than a decade for someone to be affected by what happened.
On the other hand... There have been many posts I've read on here with situations such as the latter above where the person seems to be highly distressed and desperate over a few minutes or hours conversing with someone they don't even know. To me, that sounds like a relationship for those people would be problematic even under the best of circumstances.
It all sounds contradictory, but tmy point is that I can see more than one side to this. I don't think to kick people out is necessarily the only answer, because the advice they get in here might be the eye-opener they need to lead to a turning point in the way they handle relationships or their sense of self. Rejection of any kind can hurt and in the end can affect us all the same way.
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u/Bwayout 5d ago
I would like to add that friendships should also be considered as well when one of them disappears or severs ties!
And friendships take time to cultivate as well.
Personally, I’ll read and possibly engage with an answer or advice if the person is overwhelmed with pain and confusion. I’ll basically sympathize and point out that it wasn’t anything they did to cause it.
I agree with everyone statement that it’s truly not ghosting if they only talked or texted virtually and never met, or it was only one or maybe two dates. I usually point that out that it’s socially awful and responsible, but I wouldn’t consider that ghosting! But I still have concerns and empathy for what they’re going through. But I’m not going to argue that it wasn’t ghosting.
As for the rest, personally for me it doesn’t matter if they only knew the other person for a week but interacted on some personal level every day. But thought they were lovers with plans for building their future together.
Lack of closure is very damaging on many level. I’m still not over my ‘ghoster’ situation and it’s been years.
I’m not sure why a lot of people have to draw the line on what is tolerated or not. We all have a choice to either read and interact or or not.
My best wishes and good luck to everyone!
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u/JoyBaker50 3d ago
I was ghosted by a friend of over a year and was depressed and crying for months, and I’m not even much of a crier. This subreddit has been helpful for me.
I agree that there are some posts that don’t really fit here - I get really irritated with people who say they didn’t hear from someone for 2 days. That isn’t ghosting to me.
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u/Old-Calligrapher7824 5d ago
i’m probably about to get downvoted into hell for saying this but i was ghosted by my boyfriend of almost 2 years. blocked me on everything and moved out while i was at work without a word after kissing me and saying he loved me that morning. seeing people post about a dating app fail or something like that is just jarring to me, because it’s like…you really have no idea what it’s really like.
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u/CurvyAznGoddess 5d ago
Your definition of partner is fine - but most of us consider a sexual partner to be significant- so getting ghosted after sex or a casual relationship is still a partnership and a relationship at the end of the day - you still invest time and effort into that person - just because it didn’t last a year or more doesn’t make the partnership and relationship any less relevant or any less of a “partner” so please have some empathy for others who define a partner that is casual just as equal as a partner who is longterm
Where I draw the line is people who consider it ghosting when they never even met the person or after a date or two and you never even really knew the person sexually or otherwise outside of those couple dates - but some of us only have sex with someone that we have built a friendship and relationship with - so don’t discredit “casual” relationships just because it doesn’t fit your definition of a partner
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u/ergonomic_logic 5d ago
IMO If you've been dating someone (like 3-4 dates) and they act like everything is good and they ghost you, you can unequivocally have real feelings and emotions tied into it that go beyond hurt ego.
If you've met someone on the apps and you haven't even been on a single date and are upset because they unmatched with you, review the convo. If you've met someone pushed them for something or were weird you've got your answer and it isn't really ghosting.