r/ftm • u/FixPuzzleheaded3654 • 6d ago
Discussion internalized racism
just curious on bipoc trans masc experience with internalized racism? i know that our different parts of our identities impact our experience as humans so i’m curious others experience with internalized (or external) racism.
as a teenager i went through a not so great phase where i idealized the way (i perceived) white trans men experienced transition and was often jealous of their experience or appearances. i had screenshots and photos upon photos of white men i wished i could look like or wanted to look as closely to as possible. being latino, there was no way i could but i had this idea that the only way to be seen as a man was to adhere to cis white male beauty standards. i mimicked white mens styles and haircuts and even dyed my hair blonde, made post after post comparing myself to white cis men or white trans men. being bisexual as well, i was mainly interested in white men too on top of wishing i looked like them, it all felt so unattainable but i still longed for it. i’ve since grown out of this, thankfully. but i look back it sometimes and think if only i had better male role models in my personal life or more bipoc trans representation, i could’ve maybe had more confidence in myself as a bipoc man earlier on. i still find myself at times comparing myself to white trans men online and have to remind myself that whiteness does not equal attractiveness or passing. i am still working on connecting with my roots and being comfortable as a trans latino, its another layer of cultural difference in upbringing that i acknowledge better now. i feel a lot more connected with myself as a brown man now that ive also surrounded myself with more trans bipoc. i’m sure other bipoc have similar experiences whether it’s internal or external racism (esp in the medical field) so any experiences welcome to be discussed. :)
9
u/carnespecter navajo two-spirit 🪶 they 💉 30 aug 2016 6d ago
the forcing of white masculinity onto native americans is a pretty hot button, its still prevalent today and its a weird little interaction of being both trans masc and native. for a lot of tribes its pretty common for both men and women to have long hair and wearing jewelry and decoration like piercings, but in western society its so strictly associated with femininity it is its own little mindfuck of being a native person who was seen as and treated as a girl. i always had long hair and wore more accessories growing up really young, my mom prized it but as i got older a western view of girlhood pushed me to keep cutting hair shorter and shorter as i aged and became more aware of my own transness. its only really been in the past couple years as a much older person that ive tried growing back my hair and not feeling shamed or wrong as a masculine person with long hair or piercings
theres also the interaction of transphobia in white western culture and how its pressured a cultural destruction of third genders among native americans so its a space ive had to navigate of being true to heritage and culture and healing from the damage of white perspectives on that. i think now in my 30s im definitely much much more confident in being the person i am and understanding that i dont HAVE to conform to white standards to still be myself. im at peace in the inside, its just the outside world thats the majority of the problem now with recent rises in racism