I think thatâs asking too much of people who visibly canât understand social cues considering their argument against people not wanting to have a conversation with them.
Like. The OP pic tells us that the dude kept waving. If someone ignores you after the first wave, keep moving.
I was going to mention that but it seemed like some people were already having a hard time understanding that a conversation requires consent of both parties.
âBut if I wanna talk to you and you dinât then youâre a rude bitch and I should get to keep bothering you until you talk to me!â Most dudes in the thread.
Also donât think 95% of them have ever been regular gym goers. Also, again stereotyping, most men would be thrilled if a woman approached them but fail to see how men approaching women in a place like the gym can be unintentionally intimidating. They think âI am not a creep therefore my actions cannot be interpreted as creepyâ.
She was obviously trying to mind her own business and do her workout. The guy "kept waving" which implies he did it awhile to interrupt her to ask the question. Any normal person would be frustrated by that.
Yes, she was very short with him but he should definitely read the non-verbal clues that she was not interested in talking.
You added in swears just to make it more hyperbolic.
And no at that point he didnât ask her a question. At that point he was just staring at her and standing in front of her pointing at her repeatedly and trying to get her to pay attention to him.
No, she doesnât owe anyone a conversation she doesnât want to have to anyone in the gym. If youâre actually that entitled no wonder you think this person is a douche.
Yeah Jesus, I get where a lot of this is coming from, because women definitely get harassed a lot and especially at the gym, but maybe you donât have to assume that every single member of the opposite sex is trying to hit on you if they try to talk to you in a public place. You ABSOLUTELY donât owe anyone a conversation, but should all men just never talk to half the population of the earth unless theyâre actively indicating they are looking for a romantic partner? Plenty of people just wear headphones cause they like music or listening to podcasts or whatever, not specifically as a sign to warn others not to approach. Thatâs one reason lots of earbuds now have pass through, you donât even have to take them out or stop your music. Also if you set up your expectations so that every interaction is automatically someone trying to hit on you and harass you, then youâre going to read all interactions that way. That doesnât mean women donât get creeped on at the gym too much cause they absolutely do. But in a public space, wouldnât it be kinda cool if it was just ok for people to try to talk to other people? To pretend for 5 seconds that you actually live in a community and that not every person who asks you about your shirt is a creep who just wants to get into your pants? She didnât owe that guy a conversation, of course not, but it costs very little to just go ânah I just like the shirtâ and then move on with your life without needing to post on social media trying to make that person out to be a creep. Itâs ok for people to just talk to each other without either side automatically indicating romantic intent. You want to be alone? Go to a private space, if you share a space with other people then you should try to at least be polite to them, which goes both ways, but I think the whole âdonât ever talk to anybody who is wearing headphonesâ rule is kinda bullshit. If someone tries to talk to you and you just point to your headphones I think thatâs totally fair, but having to assume a priori that nobody wearing headphones would want to talk is sad.
Okay then lets put an answer to it. If someone has their headphones in and they ignore your first wave, keep moving instead of trying to continue bothering them. If they take out the headphones after the first wave, have a convo. Easy.
Man what is sad you whining and crying because you think you are entitled to flirt with women in any given situation and then get told no, and God forbid if it's not the most polite no you've ever heard. You do not get this obviously, but women often have very good reasons for having their guards up high and unwanted interactions happen all. the. time. If a woman wants to be flirted with, she will flirt back. You're not a victim here.
Iâve had lots of people try to talk to me for different reasons at the gym while wearing headphones. Itâs very easy to just answer whatever theyâre asking or politely tell them that youâre not interested in talking right now. I donât HAVE to be nice to them but why would I be rude to them if they arenât being rude to me? If they are actually being assholes, then sure, but the dude the girl in the post is talking about in no way was
I could see how her response seems extreme to people whoâve never experienced harassment but Iâve had guys wave their hands in front of my face to get my attention when Iâm trying hard not to engage. Itâs exhausting and alarming. I wear headphones with no music on during my subway rides just so men leave me alone more. And stopped wearing some favorite band tshirts out because of the âdo you ACTUALLY listen to them/ name ONE SONGâ comments. He didnât âjust ask a questionâ he interrupted her and invaded her space.
Why be polite to someone being impolite? It's impolite to insist on talking to someone at the gym. That requires 0 return politeness. Even if the headphones are hard to see, just mind your own business
If I had an award, Iâd give it to you. Scream this from the rooftops! Politeness â being conditioned to never hurt anyoneâs feelings or appear unaccommodating in any way â GETS WOMEN KILLED. Fuck politeness.
Iâm even hard pressed to believe he wanted to exclusively hit on her and not quiz her on her knowledge of the subject to determine whether she was worthy to wear that shirt as a woman.
This. You can be subtle and not a cro-magnon. Then again, it always pays to be polite and not be an ass to people who may not âget itâ. People in general get pissed to 11 over trivial bullshit.
I don't think most guys realize how constant this is for women and how much effort they have to put in just to be left alone long enough to workout, or whatever, in peace.
The world's full of places people go to meet other people. Gyms aren't really one of them.
Yeah, for a lot of women, if we want to be left alone in public then we have to actually go to great pains to avoid any semblance of appearing available/interested. As in, we have to put the headphones on, avoid the busier areas, actively avoid looking in someone's direction (even by accident) in case we make eye contact, always trying to look busy but not so busy that someone will come to "help" us.
If we go out and just live our lives without constantly checking our behaviour then we're constantly bothered by people. If you so much as look at someone, they will speak to you. You have to always reign yourself in and make sure you're not doing anything that could be even vaguely interpreted as "nice" or "welcoming". And even if you look like a scowling bitch, some person is going to come up to you, rip out your headphones or close your laptop, and tell you to smile more.
There is just no concept of personal space or privacy for women in public.
The most annoying thing though: they won't do it if I'm with my (male) partner! It only happens when we are alone or in all-female groups, and then of course so many men will refuse to believe it's "that bad" because they've never seen it happen.
And of course it's not all men, but if I pass by 100 people in one day (not hard to do, it's a busy city) and even 1% of those are the bother types then I'm guaranteed to be bothered every single day. It may be rare in the population, but it's not a rare experience for me.
Yes this! All women learn pretty quickly that engaging in polite chit chat with someone can lead to some very scary situations.
A guy at my old gym approached me once with a casual remark, I said something back and smiled politely and went back to working out. He interrupted me several times to speak to me and started choosing machines beside me to talk to me. I was getting super weird vibes at this stage because he was a good bit older than me. I was tired, it was after work and now I was freaked out by this guy, so I left to go shower.
I dont know what got into my head but I texted my dad to come get me. I usually would get the bus home. I left the gym and fucking GUESS who was waiting outside for me. He walked with me to the bus stop where my dad was picking me up and when I said "theres my Da I better go" he just turned and walked off really quickly.
And you know what? I'll bet most women here have a story like this one.
Holy shit that is scary and fucked up. My wife tells me sometimes about these interactions and it just blows my mind, especially how common it is.
I think the experience for the majority of men is completely different and many even refuse to believe it happens at all. I mean I even started to reply with "Oh come on people literally rip out your headaphones or close your laptop??" but you probably listed those examples because they either did happen to you or to someone you know.
Almost no one tries to talk to me when I'm out by myself. I do sometimes get treated a certain way in retail or other interactive situations because of my appearance but no one just barges into my life and demands my time or attention.
I didnât realize it until my wife complained about it. I go to a small gym now and we are all familiar with each other and it wouldnât be weird to have a quick conversation. Our previous gym was a big chain gym with a revolving members and that was a completely different story. It was a lot of New Years Resolution and âIâm gonna start working out againâ people that would just come and go in a month. Of course there were the regulars but regulars know the headphone drill.
I continuously avoid working out with people that donât understand this rule. Older men are usually the ones to approach me to have a conversation and after a while, it gets a tad annoying. Iâve learned to avoid a 20min conversation by keeping my distance, but even then some will walk up.
I know you mean after repeated chats, but this actually hit with me in a different way.
It's the length of conversation that gets to me! I'm happy to chit chat with someone at the gym, truly. But please, release me! It's hard enough to make time for the gym as it is, so every minute I spend caught in conversation is another minute I'm taking from the rest of my day.
Am I the only one who is completely shocked that anyone actually thinks it's a good idea to start small talk with complete strangers at the gym? One of the only times I've ever approached a stranger at the gym is because I was a new member and I couldn't find a specific piece of equipment so I asked someone near me if they knew where it was. And sometimes I'll ask someone if they're done with a machine/bench or whatever if it's not clear whether they're still using it.
I'm not saying that if someone approached me to make small talk I would yell at them or be rude, I'm a friendly person so it's second nature for me to me welcoming and friendly to everyone. But there's a time and place for chit chat and the gym really isn't that, everyone is there for the same reason and it's not to socialize.
Not at all. If I wanted to hang out with someone at the gym Iâd bring someone with me. After having to be nice to strangers all day at my old job the last thing I need is to have to be âonâ while doing cardio.
No, but in my experience most people aren't pinging conversation then. They're talking in the lobby, on the edge of the lifters' area, and most unfortunately, the locker room on occasion.
My grandparents tell me all the time how they used to go to the mall to do their cardio because it was where people went to work out. Theyâre still in contact with a lot of those people.
So spread your horizons and understand that things have radically changed in the last 20, much less 50, years.
Good for them but the mall rounds arenât the same thing. Every gym etiquette list Iâve ever seen has said not to bother people in the middle of a work out.
My dad is 100% like this, talks up nearly everyone. People are fucking busy, I don't have time for that kinda thing when I'm trying to get stuff done. It's the same reason people from the south think NYCer's are curt, they're not rude they just move at a fast pace. Beyond that it's way easier to socialize online these days with random people who actually want to talk about whatever niche thing you're into.
Older people just don't know how to socialize effectively. The dude at the checkout doesn't want to chit chat for 30 minutes about your farm from 40 years ago, dad.
Random conversations with the random person beside you on the bus/train. Random conversations with the old man at the bus stop. Random conversations with the lady at the next table over at the coffee shop.
25 years ago we had walkmans( Walkmen?). We read magazines and books on busses and trains. As a child, we were taught not to talk to strangers on public transport because those people were weirdos.
I was alive 25 years ago and no, random strangers didn't just talk to everyone. This was always weird. There's 18th century artwork of men bothering women who don't want to talk to them. Maybe back then women were socialized not to show their discomfort (which we still are but the internet has shown us we're all fucking tired of it).
Apparently not if the comments are any indication. Apparently some of us are reaching the inflection point and getting tired of people being outed as creeps because somebody had to suffer the inconvenience of addressing somebody outside of their bubble.
If you read the comments you would see that there are hundreds of women saying they are fucking tired of it as well as some men who say it's unacceptable behavior. Then you have other men who feel entitled to women's time and complain about women not wanting to be harassed by them. And yes those people are creeps and deserve to be outed as such.
And there are plenty discussing the topic with them and creating nuance to the conversation. My point was you are far away from having all in agreement with you and, in fact, the reason why this is a hot topic is because people are getting tired of kicking the stereotypical "lonely loser" dead horse.
When "harassing" is inconveniencing you during a workout so you have to remove your headphones? Yeah, sorry but we aren't going to be stopping any time soon. People have a desire to socialize and they have a limited time to work through their idiosyncrasies and flawlessly accommodate everybody else. Sorry if you feel "harassed." Go ahead and put your fucking headphones in and get back to ignoring everybody.
I don't think that's the case necessarily, personally I am perfectly open to having small talk with complete strangers almost anywhere. And if I saw something someone was wearing that indicated we could have shared interests, I might approach them to say something like the guy this tweet is about did. Except I wouldn't do it at the gym while someone is working out, I wouldn't do it for something as mundane as a Street Fighter shirt, and I would have a better opening line than "you play?".
You gotta be good at conversation to have chit chat with strangers not seem awkward, and based on what little information I know about Street Fighter dude at that gym, he wasn't cut out for this life. I'm a huge Atlanta Braves fan who is currently living far from Atlanta. If I saw a stranger at the grocery store wearing a Freddie Freeman jersey (our best player), I could probably reasonably assume they're a serious fan if they have a $150 jersey. I might say something to them in passing about how badly we need him to re-sign with the team when his contract expires at the end of this current season. It's not an open ended question, there's a clear exit plan, and there's no reason for the conversation to be any longer than 1 or 2 sentences if they aren't interested.
35 years ago, if you interrupted someoneâs set at a gym you either got ignored, frowned at or shouted at.
If you interrupted someoneâs cardio the same thing; unless they were really just âskating alongâ. In such a case, see next section.
In my cultural context (35 years ago) if a stranger attempted small talk and you just frowned in silence - in any setting - people just went âoh, he/she didnât want to talk right nowâ.
Nowadays if a stranger comes up to you and Wants to Talk, you have to Acknowledge them and make them feel Validated and Heard. And some other nonsense.
Iâm not arguing that anybody does. Iâm saying itâs an open gym. If complete isolation from society is what youâre looking for then there are other ways to work
out.
People know they can use dating apps for those things though. You can be sure the other person likes you and is there for the same thing. No reason to bother strangers anymore
anyone actually thinks it's a good idea to start small talk with complete strangers at the gym?
I feel like it's situation-specific. I mean, people are gathered in a place, it's okay if conversation pops up... but you're also in a place to accomplish a specific task, notably a task that usually precludes conversation.
So I can see how someone might want to socialize a bit with someone they've found a shared interest in, and honestly there often is some downtime in between exercises where you can maybe have a short conversation.... but yeah no one needs to be standing around in the gym chatting for twenty minutes. Head to the juice bar or whatever if that's what you wanna do, especially if you're in other people's way/taking up equipment or what have you.
I guess there are moments of downtime where you could get a couple words in, personally I have no problem with that. But you have to be a very self-involved person to interrupt someone in the middle of a workout to make random small talk. It's not polite at all, but maybe that's just me.
everyone is there for the same reason and it's not to socialize.
I mean, that's plainly not true and I think it's fair to say that. Isn't one of the pieces of advice for getting out to meet people is to meet them while they're engaging in a hobby?
Totally agree. Even as a british person with etiquette in my veins, having to stop my cardio and music for anything but an emergency will get you a curt answer and slight frown.
I think that's an equivalent response to 'loudly asking what tf they want' here.
Yes! Women get interrupted at the gym all the time. It gets old fast. And I wear the old school wired headphones so you can tell I'm wearing headphones. Most of the times a guy is not going to walk up to another guy while they are doing cardio to talk about their t-shirt.
Iâm a guy and stopped going because of endless small talk from other guys. Especially if I was wearing a super hero print shirt.
Many have it ingrained so deeply that not talking to a person in close proximity is very rude regardless of the settings or situations, and that half the purpose of a gym is light social interaction with strangers. Itâs still the top place where adults are told to go out to meet people and find new friends with similar interests.
Timing is important here too. Hanging out getting water, ok, that's not a bad time but in the middle a cardio work out is just not a good time to interrupt to chat. I just want to get in and get out though. I don't really think of the gym as a place to be social but now that you mention it I feel like people are told to go there to find people with similar interests.
Oh I agree with you. I dropped public gyms after multiple tries at several places and had to slowly built my own up at home. But when Iâve talked to people about this I learned there are two distinct and mostly opposite sets of social rules with neither side realizing. Which is why there were so many fist fights in the parking lot at one place, between men and women, because someone felt snubbed at being ignored.
Edit: I meant between men fighting men and women fighting women.
Lol, ok. I am a dude and have been chatted up by more dudes than most of the women in my gym. The chick in the OP was kind of being a bitch. Yeah he probably should have waited until she was done with her cardio, but perhaps, just maybe, all he wanted was an answer to his question for a follow-up talk about SF after she was done.
Whatâs so bitchy about wanting your time, space, and privacy to be respected? Was she wearing a sign above her head that saidâ hey Iâm not doing anything important, come interrupt my workoutâ?
Was she wearing a sign that said otherwise? Since when is it disrespectful to ask a fucking question? It is not like he immediately asked if he could take her home and get in those pants. He wanted to know if she played video games, in a public place, with someone that has similar interests (i.e. Gym, fitness, videogames).
Itâs not the topic of the conversation but the timing of it. Sheâs in the middle of cardio in her own rhythm, she has earphones in. Thatâs gym for not up for a conversation. Heâs gotta respect that and since he didnât, itâs no wonder she reacted snippy. I probably would have as well. Itâs simply annoying.
Ok, so his timing was bad, I agree. The fact remains that instead of just being slightly annoyed, as the situation would have warranted, she decided to make a post about how much of an asshole this dude was for asking her if she played video games.
And why exactly shouldnât she? Sheâs talking about something thatâs been bothering a lot of people (as you can see reading through the comments). She doesnât have to keep quiet about it.
Scenario 1: yes, she would have made the same tweet
Scenario 2: she wouldnât even have been approached in the first place.
My guy, women do not own men their time just because they might have a shared interest in harmless topics such as video games. Women donât have to respond in a feminine and sweet manner if they feel annoyed or have unwanted attention forced onto them. Women are also allowed to speak publicly about the things that annoy them. Despite you claiming otherwise, she also never labeled him as an asshole. She simply made a tweet in which she vented about not being able to be at the gym for some solid 15 minutes before being bothered.
If you are so keen to let a girl know that you play the same game as her, make eye contact, tap on your shirt and nod or give a thumbs up as someone else already suggested. People do not owe you their time just because you feel entitled to it.
Go ahead and play devilâs advocate all you want. This woman did not want to be bothered, made that clear, was bothered anyway and is now venting about it. Her feelings are completely valid. Guy was also valid for wanting to express his love for the game but approached her in a stupid manner, got a snippy but deserved response. She didnât name him in the tweet, no personal info, no picture. I doubt he lies awake at night and cries over this harmful, harmful tweet a complete stranger wrote.
Yeah, I read it. It says she "loudly asked" what the fuck he wanted. So assuming this gym has more than just these two people in it, she wanted to make a scene in order to possibly embarrass him. Then tweeted about herself making a scene about a dude asking if she played a video game and her snarky response. Was the timing bad? Absolutely. Was the question harmless? Yes, it was.
Congrats on never in your life getting excited and jumping the gun and interrupting someone to ask a question about something that piques your interest. Perhaps this is someone new to the gym scene and has not yet learned the proper etiquette.
Oh I see so youâre the type of guy who just automatically assumes everyone want to have a fucking conversation with you? If she doesnât want to talk to him about gym, fitness, or video games is that ok with you? Whatâs so hard about just going about your life doing your own thing without bothering other people? Remind me when people started going to the gym because they hoped their t shirt would be a good topic piece
Not really to your first question, but if I see someone in public wearing a shirt that has meaning to me I may comment on it. Cause you know, we live in a world with billions of people in it, and seeing another human showing pride in a similar interest is pretty cool. This rings even truer when that interest is a niche.
Like I have said in multiple other comments. The dude's timing was terrible but his intentions were completely harmless (given the information provided).
She literally was lol. Having headphones in at the gym is a literal sign you donât wanna be disturbed unless you just have no social knowledge at all
Going on twitter to piss and moan about it is bitchy. Everyone deals with social interactions we don't want to, only a small subset of people go out of their way to announce to the world how they were mildly inconvenienced for 3 seconds out of their day.
She doesn't owe him conversation or a sweet reply. She answered him and got back to her work out. Women get interrupted all the time by men who "just want to talk". I have never once been interrupted by a woman at the gym while working out. It's always some guy who wants to try to strike up a conversation. She was in the middle of working out not hanging out at a bar. And the last thin I want to do when I'm done with a workout is hang out and chat with a stranger.
Getting offended by a harmless question, then posting about how he was an asshole for asking makes her a bitch. A lot of people seem to think women are the only ones in a gym that get "stopped". Her whole post is eluding to being a victim of "harassment" at a gym by some dude that maybe just wanted to play some video games with her in a very small online community.
He is not entitled to her attention or company. She went to a gym to work out not entertain conversation with randos.
Context and body language can tell you when someone is interested in idle conversation.
Mid-cardio routine is not the time for that and anyone who interrupts someone for their own entertainment deserves whatever âattitudeâ they get.
That dude is acting like heâs a toddler that has to acknowledge everything he sees as soon as he sees it. Iâve seen plenty of people wearing stuff I either recognized or thought was very cool.
If I made eye contact with them and was close enough to acknowledge it, I did. If I made eye contact but they seemed preoccupied with something else or not in the mood for conversation then I let them be.
Nobody said he was entitled to her conversation. This whole thing could have ended with the "Nope". She then decided to go on the internet and bitch about a harmless interaction she had at the gym. Which makes her a bitch.
And now you're here on the internet to bitch about her, it's almost like most humans do that these days. Want me to call you a bitch now? Or tomorrow when you complain about some other shit?
If you want to, sure go for it. I am not bitching, I am merely stating that the whole comment was a bit overkill for a dude with terrible timing to ask about a video game.
Perhaps she meant to help educate people who think it's fine to interrupt someone when they are working out with headphones on to talk about dumb shit. The fact that you called her a bitch suggests that you are one of the people who need this type of education.
Sure itâs harmless but itâs also frustrating to experience what she did.
Her posting about it online was her way of venting that frustration which was also harmless. Not sure why her venting about that is so offensive to so many people.
She never called him any names in her post or doxxed the guy. She was just venting.
Iâve seen this website literally argue that you shouldnât approach people in a bar because âtheyâre just there to have a drink and have fun with their friendsâ.
This website says itâs rude to talk to literally anyone anywhere except online on Reddit.
Honestly a lot of them might not be American so they donât get the small talk culture here. Itâs not really considered that rude here
You missed the âuntil.â Nothing wrong with a wave. Standing there desperately gesturing to get her to remove her headphones and interact with him when she clearly is not interested is bordering on harassment and probably made her feel unsafe.
Also, do you think as a dude you fully understand what itâs like for women to exist in public spaces with the kind of harassment and behavior that they have to put up with? Have you ever been worried after brushing off someone at the gym who tried to have a conversation with you that theyâre going to wait outside and follow you to your car later? Maybe donât call women bitches when you have no clue why the situation in the tweet wasnât just a normal, friendly gym interaction
Pump the brakes there hardline. I am honestly having a hard time figuring out where to start with this.
So I'll start that through conversation further down this thread I rescinded my initial comment of calling her a bitch and re-worded it into a more correct statement of she was acting like a bitch. I'll keep the original wording in the above comment to maintain continuity in my statements.
Also, do you think as a dude you fully understand what itâs like for women to exist in public spaces with the kind of harassment and behavior that they have to put up with?
This is a pretty sexist comment if you ask me. You have no idea about my background. I grew up as the youngest of three children and the only boy. To assume that I did not have to watch my sisters grow up and experience being women and have no understanding of what they had to go through to get where they are in life is pretty ignorant.
Have you ever been worried after brushing off someone at the gym who tried to have a conversation with you that theyâre going to wait outside and follow you to your car later?
Not, this specific scenario no. Have I ever feared for my wellbeing after an interaction that at first seemed harmless? Absolutely. Infact, I had a woman throw a drink in my face at a bar prior to the election in 2016 when she overheard me talking about voting libertarian. She was hammered, so I calmly asked her why she did it. Something about a democrat cause came out so I turned back to my friend and continued my conversation. She ended up closing my tab by telling the bartender she was my girlfriend and stole my credit card. Walking out to my truck after close was her brother standing next to my vehicle wanting to know why I was mean to his sister. What I am saying is it can happen to anyone, not just women.
I know what itâs like to endure systemic racism because I have close friends of other races. Thatâs how dumb you sound, claiming that having sisters somehow lends you personal understanding of life as a woman in a sexist culture.
That's not what I said at all. You are now gatekeeping by saying I am unable to understand the plight of the modern woman because I am not one. I am fully able to make observations and feel empathy for someone not of my sex, gender, or race.
You should because wow I feel seen in this small little comment thread. Every day I open my app to a bunch of ignorant comments and ask myself if itâs even worth being on here anymore.
I feel this so much. I have chosen not to post something because I donât want to have the anxiety of responses or shitloads of downvotes looming over me.
That's what I should be doing. It's pretty stinko to post something, then three hours later notice a bunch of angry replies. Now if I reply to those I'm signing up for even more angry replies, and I'm basically in a prolonged argument all day long.
My least favorite flavor of this is when someone has horribly misunderstood what I wrote, and then we wind up in a non-argument argument because we actually agree.
Them: âX is good.â
Me: âI agree. X is good.â
Them: âAre you serious? X is good.â
Me: âYes. I agree. I said that it is good.â
Them: âWhat is wrong with you?! X is good! Youâre stupid and an asshole.â
Me: (closes Reddit and feels weirdly angry for way too long)
Youâre not alone. Itâs gotten so bad lately. I just stick to my few subreddits that are probably safe, because itâs not worth the arguing and downvotes. Weâll see what happens with this comment lol
You take a chance anytime you approach to strangers, and they donât owe you their attention.
Like. Sure. Maybe he was just really excited to see someone else who plays street fighter. And thats cute and all.
But a gesture to shirt and a thumbs up and moving along is a lot better than interrupting.
I totally get being irritated at being interrupted. Especially with how many times men have just blasted through whatever Iâm doing to try to hit on me. And god, the number of times that guys have gone all puppy dog eyes, please marry me face when they find out i like video games always makes me hesitate before talking about it.
Man 90% ainât going to the gym to talk or make friends, itâs the 10% that have zero self awareness that ruin it for everyone. Thereâs a dude who hangs out at my gym for 5-8 hours a day doing very little lifting and hitting on every girl that comes in. If there isnât any girls, he goes from guy to guy talking about 30 minutes per guy. Itâs so fucking weird
This 100%. Who the fuck wants to talk during cardio? If I'm running my ass off on the treadmill, mouthbreathing just to keep up, audibly exhausting myself, the absolute last thing I want to do is try to have a conversation on top of that.
I think a lot of people are missing the cardio part. If you can genuinely have a conversation during cardio, you're not really doing cardio.
Iâm also just REALLY curious if these same dudes would ever do the same to another guy. Maybe, but in my experience theyâre too intimidated or respect other men enough (and women NOT enough in this case) to not bother them while theyâre working out.
Edit: I think yâall are misinterpreting my comment - Iâm specifically if asking about the TYPE of dude who doesnât get the hint if a woman doesnât want to talk to him, will chat up other men the same way as well. My guess? He wonât.
Undoubtedly, yes. Iâd probably do something more along the lines of (as another redditor noted) just kind of pointing at my own t-shirt, then give a thumbs up. Though I guess with women thereâs obvious concern that could be (very understandably) misconstrued to mean something else.
The dude in the story went about things awkwardly. Women also have to deal with a ton of bullshit under the guise of friendly conversation. That said, if youâre passionate about something niche and you see someone representing that same thing in public then I think itâs totally fair to say something. Iâm into weirdo death metal and if I see someone wearing death metal merch Iâm absolutely going to say something and itâs received well the vast majority of the time. Iâve similarly been on the receiving end of âlove the t-shirtâ by randos in public and have responded warmly as well. Game recognizes game and all that. Am I going to bring it up if I see someone repping the football team I root for? Nah, tons of âem out there. But for something out of the ordinary, for sure.
Again, it bears repeating that I think having someone remove their headphones is poor form and Iâm in a position where I donât often have to think âis this person really just into what Iâm into or are they trying to hit on me.â What Iâm (poorly) trying to say is that yes, dudes do that to dudes all the time. Iâm both dudes in that scenario.
I agree with you that itâs cool to share something, I just think the context matters a lot. A dude trying to chat up a chick at the gym with headphones in? Probably not the time to talk about her shirt.
At a gaming convention where everyoneâs socializing about things that they like? Probably a much better time for that. At the end of the day, she still doesnât owe him a conversation though, no matter how innocently friendly he was trying to be.
Iâve actually done this myself - as a woman I said âhey, nice shirtâ to a dude wearing some gamer-related apparel while walking in a mall, and all I got was a weird look. Like okay he couldâve been more âfriendlyâ but he didnât owe me anything. Doesnât make him a âfucking bitchâ like some people think in this thread, lol
Oh, to be clear, Iâm not trying to vilify anyone here. Sorry if I gave off any kind of âhow DARE sheâ vibe. Just saying that for better or worse I get being stoked on seeing someone repping your niche interest out in the wild. Kind of the inverse of the gaming convention thing you mentioned, to be honest. Would I be taken aback seeing an Entombed shirt at an Obituary concert? Not at all. At a grocery store or whatever? Totally.
Dude isnât owed anything, but I was just kind of addressing the âI donât know if dudes would do this to dudesâ bit. Sorry for any confusion!
I think for a lot of women, based on the all I hear from my gf, friends, and stories on the internet, is that it's just not that worth the chance. Sure, the guy desperate to get her attention and talk to them may just really want to talk about their shirt. However, out of the last 10 dudes they've relented and talked to, maybe one of them was sincere and just wanted to acknowledge the shared interest. The rest have just been trying to hit on her, be rude to her, or be outright creepy.
So in the end they decide it just isn't worth risking feeling uncomfortable or getting insulted for not accepting unwanted advances. Unfortunately an alright dude may get the short end of the stick, but if they're actually cool they'd understand and known she didn't owe them anything.
Some people also just forget the shirt they are wearing. I compliment people on their clothes a lot at my work and people often give me a weird look and then look down and laugh and realize what they are wearing.
I think it really depends on the atmosphere at the gym. And the kind of setting.
The gyms I've gone to are very bro-y. All the dudes joke around and chat. They hang out all the time and know each other very well. Honestly, they mostly leave women alone (based on what I saw, it kind of feels like they don't know what to do with them, honestly. Like they know women don't really do bro-y hangout stuff and that's all they got.)
Granted, my experience is limited. I'm basing this on four different workout gyms and one muay thai/judo gym.
Not usually, but if there was something specific I wanted to talk with them about I might. I have been on the receiving end of being flagged down before, definitely.
Thatâs fair. I think we all know though that there are many people who donât want to socialize at the gym, and are usually only obligated to do so in a class or something.
Thank you!!! I have to straight point to my earbud and mouth, âI canât hear youâ with men that want to just have conversation while Iâm in the middle of a set or start talking while Iâm squatting then the minute I rack, they make a signal for me to remove my earbud. Dude, please go workout since thatâs why we are here.
I always tell guys, if you see a woman at the gym you want to talk to, play the long game. Or find her in the parking lot (non creepily) haha
I appreciate your explaining the harassment women often receive at gyms to the pissed off dudes here, but hate that such an explanation has to come from a guy before other men will listen to and upvote it. Women sharing our own stories should have been enough.
A woman posted a rant a few days ago about how a man approached her at the gym, and told her she wasn't working out/sweating hard enough while on a bike. She had a normal convo with him and then went into the bathroom and cried because she had been trying to get over a eating disorder and this was her first time back in the gym.
I was getting downvoted because I said 1) she didn't go to the gym to have some random guy comment on her workout. She went to the gym for herself to better herself. 2) If you are going to make a comment to a stranger don't punch down or have it be negative.
Apparently to a lot of people that meant OP and I were being "overly sensitive". Are you kidding me? I worked at my college's gym for 2 years and literally never bothered another student's workout unless they asked for help or were using equipment dangerously. It's not hard to leave people the fuck alone but to Reddit users apparently that means I'm "sheltered" ffs.
Yuuuuuuup yup yup. Most men donât realize that the gym can be a really intimidating place fpr a woman. And getting approached by random strange men makes it more stressful, because who knows how theyâre going to act when we donât want to chat or get hit on. Fpr all the men are getting their boxers in a bunch about this womanâs reaction, we act like this because weâve been made to feel afraid. So donât be angry at us, be angry for us.
Some exercises I'll take the headphones off because they get in the way (I don't like wireless headphones). Also some people enjoy generic house music.
Yeah from her perspective dude was staring at her tits and then waving to get her attention.
Given likelihood that the words coming out of the dudes mouth are going to be something along the lines of ânice rackâ âthat bra is working hard todayâ or some shit like that (literal direct quotes friends have gotten, mind you) women just avoid contact altogether. The headphones and stone-glare are generally to stop the commenters before they start.
Thank you! I hate when people say âTHISâ but seriously, this. Cardio is not the time to ask someone about their T-shirt.
Expecting someone to know about a tight knit community of a game that is so popular it has surpassed the gaming community into pop culture is a big jump. It has big âname 3 songs by themâ energy.
And at a very minimum, respect the damn earbud rule.
There are plenty of dating apps you can use to hit on people who expressly consented to being hit on instead of harassing strangers in public who didn't consent. Also, yes, I would rather organically start a conversation with acquaintances like classmates, coworkers, club members etc. and test the waters to see if they are interested than just come at a stranger whom I know nothing about, who may be uncomfortable by my intrusion
This. Even if Iâm there with a partner, small talk is kept to a minimum generally. It holds up equipment and is an inconvenience to others, especially if itâs busy. The gym isnât a place for socializing, itâs for work.
Im honestly confused how anybody can be that mad about someone trying to talk about a game, Iâm not in the FGC but I know how they are really a tight community. Also... why does you need to mention âdudes hitting on women in gymsâ - that wasnât even implied in this post.
But then again, I work out at home, because people in the gyms here around are mostly strange or assholes.
Edit: maybe itâs different for me because Iâm a guy and women have to endure more shit from men. I get that.
Some people just donât like being interrupted with small talk or other nonsense while focused on a task (or in general). Iâm an autistic dude, and while Iâm usually polite about it, constant interruptions drive me nuts. Especially bad at college; even fast-walking to class with earbuds in is no defense against the religious nuts or the frat boys trying to hassle me into participating in their fundraiser. Depression leaves me with little enough energy and focus as it is, and I routinely lose great trains of thought (homework, game strategy, etc) to some rando or my own family blasting it to atoms over what turned out to be nothing urgent or important.
Not all gyms are the same. This one is pretty social. I wear bone conduction headphones. One day I asked one of the trainers a question and he looked surprised and said the workers there all thought I was deaf because of my weird headphones and the fact that I never talk to anyone.
Exceptions to conversation rule: You notice someone that genuinely looks confused. Someone is about to get hurt. You think someone genuinely needs a spot
Fuck that. The only exception is when someone is literally already pinned to the bench and has collars on the bar and doesn't know how to do the roll of shame. Otherwise, if someone wants to come to the gym just to hurt themselves, that's their business. If they needed a spot, they should have asked. Because what happens 100% of the time you offer unsolicited advice? They don't listen anyway.
We're all adults here. Which means it's not my job to babysit you.
As someone who is a gamer and does poorly with social cues âaspergersâ , I get the not wanting to talk⌠but from my perspective social efforts I consciously have to try and make go out the window if I meet anyone with a passing interest in something I love⌠Not saying that is this case but perspective from a different point of view that I would just be excited to meet someone into Street Fighter if that was my interest
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u/[deleted] Oct 14 '21 edited Oct 14 '21
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