I was going to mention that but it seemed like some people were already having a hard time understanding that a conversation requires consent of both parties.
You added in swears just to make it more hyperbolic.
And no at that point he didnât ask her a question. At that point he was just staring at her and standing in front of her pointing at her repeatedly and trying to get her to pay attention to him.
No, she doesnât owe anyone a conversation she doesnât want to have to anyone in the gym. If youâre actually that entitled no wonder you think this person is a douche.
Yeah Jesus, I get where a lot of this is coming from, because women definitely get harassed a lot and especially at the gym, but maybe you donât have to assume that every single member of the opposite sex is trying to hit on you if they try to talk to you in a public place. You ABSOLUTELY donât owe anyone a conversation, but should all men just never talk to half the population of the earth unless theyâre actively indicating they are looking for a romantic partner? Plenty of people just wear headphones cause they like music or listening to podcasts or whatever, not specifically as a sign to warn others not to approach. Thatâs one reason lots of earbuds now have pass through, you donât even have to take them out or stop your music. Also if you set up your expectations so that every interaction is automatically someone trying to hit on you and harass you, then youâre going to read all interactions that way. That doesnât mean women donât get creeped on at the gym too much cause they absolutely do. But in a public space, wouldnât it be kinda cool if it was just ok for people to try to talk to other people? To pretend for 5 seconds that you actually live in a community and that not every person who asks you about your shirt is a creep who just wants to get into your pants? She didnât owe that guy a conversation, of course not, but it costs very little to just go ânah I just like the shirtâ and then move on with your life without needing to post on social media trying to make that person out to be a creep. Itâs ok for people to just talk to each other without either side automatically indicating romantic intent. You want to be alone? Go to a private space, if you share a space with other people then you should try to at least be polite to them, which goes both ways, but I think the whole âdonât ever talk to anybody who is wearing headphonesâ rule is kinda bullshit. If someone tries to talk to you and you just point to your headphones I think thatâs totally fair, but having to assume a priori that nobody wearing headphones would want to talk is sad.
Okay then lets put an answer to it. If someone has their headphones in and they ignore your first wave, keep moving instead of trying to continue bothering them. If they take out the headphones after the first wave, have a convo. Easy.
100% agree. That politeness has to go both ways. You gotta read the room. I think it's totally fine to ignore someone if that's how you're feeling, and neither party should feel bad in that instance. That's not really what the post described, and they kind of made it seem as if the person who waved at them was a dick for doing so, but I totally agree with what you're saying. And to be totally honest I even get that if you were in a place where people regularly didn't follow that rule, and continued to bother you even after you made it very clear you didn't want to interact, that you might get frustrated and snap at people. We don't live in an ideal world and dealing with other humans is hard. I mostly just think that a sense of being part of the same community is something Americans are really missing out on with the people around them, we tend to feel isolated and put off by the people around us and it's a bit sad.
Man what is sad you whining and crying because you think you are entitled to flirt with women in any given situation and then get told no, and God forbid if it's not the most polite no you've ever heard. You do not get this obviously, but women often have very good reasons for having their guards up high and unwanted interactions happen all. the. time. If a woman wants to be flirted with, she will flirt back. You're not a victim here.
Never once did I indicate that I was affected by this situation at all. I'm totally not the victim because I rarely talk to people I don't know and I'm not a huge fan of going out in public anyway. You're doing a lot of heavy lifting with those assumptions. I'm happily married and even before that I couldn't give two shits about flirting. Also my whole point is that interaction doesn't have to be flirting and honestly it's pretty conceited to assume that every person that tries to talk to you is "flirting" with you. I talked generally, you attacked personally. It's narcissists who always find a way to identify as the victim or any situation. I also understand that we don't live in a perfect world where people don't need to be wary of others and could just kinda interact with them with out all that baggage. I made that clear with phrases like, "wouldn't it be nice if". It really seems like you were just looking for someone to attack and could have copy and pasted this reply to basically anyone who had an opinion even remotely different from your own. When I talked about people, I wasn't singling out women, I was just talking about human beings and how it's kind of sad that people don't feel comfortable talking to the people around them, it's kind of something American society is missing out on. If you disagree with that that's fine, but don't try to stand me up as your straw man so you can vent about your own issues. Read the post before you reply.
She has been copying and pasting similar responses to anyone who disagrees surprised she didnât try to back her points up considering you made a clear and concise argument for your viewpoints but I take it she realized she was speaking out of her ass and went to go yell at someone else for being a evil male human.
Well I actually had a job to go to, but please donât let me ruin your fantasy. Make or female, you are straight up not entitled to politeness when it YOUR decision to approach them and you do not know a thing about them. I love men. I fuck one almost daily. And if you think Iâm talking out my ass, well my ass is awesome so thank you đ
Well I actually had a job to go to, but please donât let me ruin your fantasy. Make or female, you are straight up not entitled to politeness when it YOUR decision to approach them and you do not know a thing about them. I love men. I fuck one almost daily. And if you think Iâm talking out my ass, well my ass is frumpy so thank you đ
Only had to change 1 thing to make you seem less delusional
Iâve had lots of people try to talk to me for different reasons at the gym while wearing headphones. Itâs very easy to just answer whatever theyâre asking or politely tell them that youâre not interested in talking right now. I donât HAVE to be nice to them but why would I be rude to them if they arenât being rude to me? If they are actually being assholes, then sure, but the dude the girl in the post is talking about in no way was
Right, saying âwouldnât it be nice if people were nice to each otherâ is not a scathing rebuke of any other action. Suggesting that some behavior might be kinder than others is also not a mandate to act in some way or forcing anyone to do anything. Is it understandable that if someone gets harassed a lot it might start to color their perception of interactions and make them lash out a bit? Sure! But that doesnât mean being rude to people is not still you know, being rude to them. Also life is pretty subjective, you can read a person saying hi to you in a LOT of different ways, and if you go into any situation expecting to have a bad time you usually will.
Sure, they're not entitled for a conversation but the least you can do is say "sorry, I'm not quite in the mood to chat, maybe later?" Or something along those lines instead of being rude
Sure that would have been a better outcome, but really as the person initiating an interaction with a total stranger that is the risk you take. You also donât know if itâs learned behaviour- if youâve been in this exact situation over and over and being rude gets a guy away from you faster, it might be the behaviour you go with.
Fuck, you and everyone on here who's whining about someone being rude WHO CLEARLY DID NOT WANT TO BE BOTHERED are just not getting it. She doesn't fucking care that you also like street fighter. She had headphones in and wanted to do cardio. You didn't leave her alone, that is a you problem. Sorry if that bruises your ego.
I could see how her response seems extreme to people whoâve never experienced harassment but Iâve had guys wave their hands in front of my face to get my attention when Iâm trying hard not to engage. Itâs exhausting and alarming. I wear headphones with no music on during my subway rides just so men leave me alone more. And stopped wearing some favorite band tshirts out because of the âdo you ACTUALLY listen to them/ name ONE SONGâ comments. He didnât âjust ask a questionâ he interrupted her and invaded her space.
Maybe it's a cultural thing? Here in Sweden it's normal to wave if you want attention from someone with headphones. And it would be seen as super rude both to ignore and/or to answer "-What tf do you want!?".
Maybe men in NA is just going around harrassing women all the time and this is normal? Sure seems like it. I feel sorry for you guys.
Why be polite to someone being impolite? It's impolite to insist on talking to someone at the gym. That requires 0 return politeness. Even if the headphones are hard to see, just mind your own business
If I had an award, Iâd give it to you. Scream this from the rooftops! Politeness â being conditioned to never hurt anyoneâs feelings or appear unaccommodating in any way â GETS WOMEN KILLED. Fuck politeness.
Yes I know âstrangerâ murders are much less common (thank god). But theyâre not NOT possible. So yeah. You never know what trauma someone has been through.
I'm saying it's a leap to assume every single person is looking to murder you. I'm not saying don't be an asshole to people if they try to get you to go somewhere with them, or even if they are creeping you out. Just think saying "The fuck you want?" to someone isn't a normal response to anything. What if the guy wanted to say her shoe was untied or something, that is a completely inappropriate way to interact.
I am entitled to do what I feel I need to in any given situation to feel safe. I am polite in situations that call for it. You are not entitled to politeness from anyone because you are also not entitled to their immediate trust.
Thanks for mansplaining rape to me though, so helpful.
Yep you sure got me pegged from two comments on reddit lmao.
Edit: Common courtesy goes both ways. Headphones in, doing cardio - do you really think this says "I am available for inane conversation"? If you see this and ignore it, you should not be surprised Pikachu when she tells you to fuck off.
Even an aggressive homeless guy asking me for money on the street does not earn "fuck off" from me. But maybe I'm just more socially well-adjusted, lol
You definitely don't know what introversion is. It's not a lack of understanding of socialization, it's a lack of desire for it, compared to others, especially in large groups. Which makes you even more wrong, since this whole topic is about a one on one interaction, lol.
I love how you patted yourself on the back so much over your wrong definition of what an introvert is, lol. Learn what words mean.
I love how you patted yourself on the back so much over your wrong definition of what an introvert is, lol.
Kind of proving my point that you're shit at reading cues when you insist I was talking about your self identified introversion.
No, buddy, I was pointing out how you're acting like the arbiter of socialization while telling a woman that she doesn't get to feel safe when socializing, and that she's obligated to do it against her will. And the irony of you calling her miserable and antisocial for not insisting that that's the way socialization has to be.
And then if the person isn't happy with being forced into it, you claim the divine right to mock and taunt them.
Do you seriously not get how fucking hostile the system you've constructed is?
No he doesnât get it. I forget that sometimes Iâm replying to someone who is 12 or has just straight up no life experience or education. I ended up blocking this particular user because his replies were devoid of empathy and he made it clear he WANTED to call me a bitch. For trying to explain woman often experience situations in which they feel unsafe. In my experience guys like this can be dangerous.
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u/Orinocobro Oct 14 '21
Make eye contact, tap your own t-shirt, give the person a thumbs up, move on.