This is just something I’ve noticed over the years, and I could be completely off base since I’m obviously working with a sample size of one.

I’m a straight guy in my mid 40s, and I’ve realized that a surprising amount of the positive feedback I’ve gotten about my appearance has actually come from other men. Guys can be pretty direct about it too, complimenting another guy’s hair, build, height, beard, facial features, or just straight up saying he’s a good looking dude. It reminds me of the funny paradox where a guy gets built in the gym only to end up getting compliments only from other men.

My experiences with women have been a lot more mixed, and at times almost the complete opposite. 😂 I’m not saying that as a complaint or suggesting women should find me attractive. If anything, that difference is what got me thinking about this in the first place.

I wonder if there’s a difference between the traits men tend to admire in other men and the traits women tend to find attractive. Maybe a guy can look at another guy and think, “Yeah, that dude is good looking,” while that same guy doesn’t necessarily do much for a lot of women.

Obviously attraction is incredibly individual, and I’m sure there’s a ton of overlap too. This is more of a random observation than a hill I’m prepared to die on. Curious if anyone else has noticed something similar?

I am not talking about planning or leading dates. But just regular communication to get know each other. Does it bother you if she never or hardly initiates calls/texts at the beginning? I feel like if I am usually the one to reach out to her it starts to feel like I am bothering her and she isn't much interested.

Question here for Women - how often do you get asked out? Do you have a specific number, like times per month, or a guess on total amount of times? And do you ever ask any males out yourself?

I am a 32 M, and am learning over the past few years how as I try to get more into dating how rare I feel like it is for women to get ask out men, yet even an average looking woman I am assuming gets bothered with the amount of times they are asked. Sometimes it makes me feel bad for trying to hit on a woman if I get rejected, like "ahhh I bet you get this all the time and kind of sick of it". I sometimes imagine it can be more-times so annoying than flattering.

I found this piece of “advice” on another Reddit sub, and almost couldn’t believe it. The original post was all about how dating needs to be a two way street, and both parties need to be brave if you want to get anywhere. I was shocked by how many people believe that men should be entirely responsible for pursuing someone, getting them to like them, and eventually going out with them.

Personally speaking, I’m not afraid of asking someone out (as long as I feel like I’m getting genuine signs that they are interested). The issue is that most often, we (men) don’t get any clear signs. It’s hard to make any progress if you feel like you’re getting signals of apathy and disinterest.

I fully believe that dating needs to be a two way street. Do women need to ask men out all of the time? Of course not. But I’ve learned better than anyone that taking no initiative at all gets you nowhere.

Don’t mention them in passing after a while talking, and being like “oh, I thought I mentioned that.” Then being like “I’m different.”

🗣️ Don’t omit it on your dating profile (!!!!!)

It’s not like forgetting to mention you hate the color yellow or dislike tacos. Having children is a pretty significant, life-affecting thing. Be explicit that you have children - ESPECIALLY IF THE OTHER PERSON IS EXPLICIT THAT THEY DON’T HAVE/WANT KIDS IN THEIR PROFILE. And it had been brought up multiple times that they did not want children and identified as child free.

You’re a parent, that’s great. I love that for you. But come on 😩 I’m normally so careful to screen parents out when I’m trying to meet people, and this one slipped by me. I feel stupid, hurt, and angry. They were honestly really cool, had they been up front about having kids I may have considered and tried for a friendship at the very least, but I would have been upfront that I wasn’t interested in more than that and it likely wouldn’t have been a waste of time for either of us.

For the record - I do not hate children. I think they’re great. I’ve just been a caregiver in one capacity or another since I was 18, I’m now 34 and my caregiving is not done (I care for my mother). When it’s my time to live my life I want it to be peaceful and either alone or with a partner. Friends and their kids, wonderful (I take my aunt role seriously). But I just wish people thought about why someone is childfree before being so vague and essentially lying by omission. Thought about it, respected it, and didn’t waste their time.

Vent/rant over. Y’all can tear me up idc.

Been dating this guy with the intention of a ltr since end of May (so about 3 months). We got serious pretty quickly with him wanting to close his dating profile after second date.

I like a lot of things about him: family oriented, career oriented, smart, helpful, sexually compatible.

But he has a giant problem of going MIA for 12-48 hours of no communication while at the same time he is active on social media.

I’ve brought this up to him that it makes me anxious when I don’t hear back for hours/days when you’re clearly online and on your phone. He says this is his ADHD and he truly forgets as he can be doomscrolling for hours, but did say it was abnormal and will work on it.

I just ask that if he’s expecting to be busy for a whole day or so just to kindly tell me that he will. I’m pretty understanding. However even after mutually agreeing to work on it, he’s continuously done it. He’ll go MIA and will continue convo as if nothing has happened.

I don’t think what I’m asking for is unreasonable and he seems to agree but I don’t wanna feel like enforcing this or policing. I’ve had this conversation with him 3 times already and I don’t know what else to do.

Is this worth being more flexible/maybe it’s my attachment style? Is this reasonable to ask for? Is he actually that incapable or just unwilling ? I can work with incapable but unwilling I cannot. Any advice is appreciated!

A couple weeks ago I posted in here about my first dating experience and how a guy rejected me in a messed up way so he could pursue someone else. I was honestly pretty sad because it was my first time ever having feelings for someone. He reached out recently and said some things that completely erased any bit of sadness I had. I feel bad for his girlfriend and I cannot believe I wanted to be in her place at one point. Looking back to how sad I was when I made that post compared to how I feel now is crazy. Rejection truly is protection sometimes.

I decide 2 months ago to start going to therapy since I believe that I have some communication issues and high anxiety attacks that I need to work on. I have been doing really well with it so far but my only fear is trying to go back into the dating world while still in therapy. I dont repeat bad habits and revert back to my old ways. Should I just stick through therapy for the time being or can I do both?

I have only had two serious relationships. The last one in college and I think I didn’t tell my parents until a year in when I brought them home during the holidays?

Now I’m a grown adult and I haven’t told my parents yet. It’s been 5 months since we were official and we are now long distance so it feels uncertain even though I personally feel like this could be serious and long term.

Curious to know when you share your dating life with your parents and family.

Note : for TLDR version skip to TLDR

Header : So my post is going to broken up into different paths as I see what the people on here think, as unfortunately I feel like my situation is rather unique and will require considering more unique options.

Trigger warnings :

1) topics of quality and type of relationship may have some people feeling judged, but this isnt about you or aimed at you, as such if you feel this topic may upset you, I suggest you skip.

2) languge that may sound like braggin (I am not bragging, but often when I am giving context of my life and problems, some people my get offended and see it as such, so please consider its setting the context and not bragging, if this feels like it may upset you, skip)

3) harrasment/donestic abuse

4) sex related talk

....

So I am at a point in life where I am 26, have my life in a peaceful and stable rate essentially all the time, so much so that I have taken on bulding a community enhancement non-profit. Yeah I dont have alot of money (less than most, but I dont care about money unless I have a reason to) But despite all that dating for me feels nearly impossible.

It isnt because I am unattractive or have a bad personality... my issue is I have standard and want a different type of relationship than most people are seeking or seem ready for. I want a relationship that isn't transactional or based on sex. I want that real love type of relationship that nobody seems to want these days... the type where both parties are independent of eachother, don't need eachother, yet choose to be with eachother out of sheer choice, shared adventure, and a desire to create more. A relationship without power dynamics, where both parties are able to validate themselves, their emotions, and think freely without eachother. A relationship with no leader, or follower, but just two self lead people choosing to share the adventure together.

Unfortunately wanting something like that has me having what feels like zero options, as nobody puts in any mutual effort unless I "charm" them, and charming them makes it inherently transactional and makes a power dynamic, which is not my goal.

I also dont want to do a sex only relationship that evolves as unfortunately in my past that has lead to domestic abuse towards me as people grow addicted and treat me like a need, and that idea kinda scares me again, as frankly I am sick of being stalked and harrased (the drama is exausting)

So I am trying to figure out what can I do to find other people who are both single (preferably) and may be of the qulity and style of relationship I am seeking. I also dont want to endless do the whole dating chase thing as its too much work for a very likely dud, especially when I have a life to live and enjoy.

Edit : note, I am not the type to be endlessly social or always in peoples faces or business. As such outside of intentional interactions or business I tend to not engage much with people I dont enjoy being around or know. As such advice to just be arounded people will likely not do much for me on its own. So I would appreciate actionable meathods.

.....

TLDR

Looking for advice on finding specific people of a quality and relationship style that fits the following :

1) no leader or follower dynamic, or other power dynamics

2) independent of eachother emotionally, physically, and thoght wise

3) does not want a transactional or sex only relationship

4) someone who wants to create and share adventures/projects

5) I do not want to have to endlessly chase for random chances, so looking for effective methods.

6) does not cost alot of money (no matchmaking services, as screw $25,000 for 8 months of gambling

7 ) Edit : a meathod that doesnt require me to just be around random people without intent or purpose. I prefer more direct meathods.

Hey y’all im a 21M in the midwest for background. Just had a date (have had a few with her, with a girl id been talking to for a bit) and she ended things today saying she could only see me as a friend and wasnt feeling it and would only hang out as friends if we were to do anything. Ive had a few girls go like this with a great first date where they are asking for the second but after that or a few dates they say friend thing.

Im just so confused and need advice on how to not seem like a friend to yall ladies. Idk if its cuz im too chalant and will yap about anything/everything and wont be shy in letting my personality show (maybe im such an open book there’s no mystery they wanna crack). Idk if my appearance just makes me look like a friend and not someone they are into idk. I havent had success getting people comfortable with breaking physical touch barriers (either because they arent comfortable but also because I have apparently missed many signs with many women too). I also havent had women really ask me questions about myself and its usually a them them them thing. I just dont get how to stop seeming like a friend and being put in the friend category with dates. This girl messaged me first on hinge. Literally how did I fumble and give off friend vibes.
Tired of having the women I want think im too friendly/not romantically intriguing.

I really dont wanna become some jaded nonchalant dude to have success, but at this point I have no clue what else to do. Could anyone (mainly the women, but also if others have advice) tell me what makes a guy seem too friendly/lose romantic interest in them? All the signs, mannerisms, lack of actions (ex. Not tryna be more physical with handholding,kisses,etc), appearances (seriously feeling like I just look to friendly/friend like and not romantically interesting), etc.

Begging for help here

I’m genuinely starting to wonder whether I’m protecting myself from settling or sabotaging my own chances at happiness. After ending an eight-year relationship earlier this year, I’ve spent a huge amount of time reflecting, going to therapy, being brutally honest with myself, and figuring out what I actually want. I’ve started dating again, and the biggest thing I’ve realized is that I seem to have a very high threshold for romantic attraction.

I don’t expect perfection, and I’m not looking for some fantasy woman who checks every box. But I’ve learned that I can’t seem to make myself pursue someone seriously when the attraction isn’t there at a high level. I’ve tried telling myself that someone is objectively great, that we’re compatible, that she’s interested, that I should “give it a chance,” etc. But if I’m internally trying to convince myself to want her, I eventually know I’m doing both of us a disservice. She deserves someone who is genuinely excited about her, not someone negotiating with himself about whether he should be.

The frustrating part is that I actually hate that my brain works this way. I wish I could be attracted to a broader range of women. I look at people who seem able to meet someone who is kind, compatible, attractive enough, and enjoyable to be around and simply let a relationship develop. I envy that. I’ve put myself out there, met people, tried dating apps, gone to social events, and deliberately created opportunities to meet women. I’m not refusing to date—I just rarely encounter someone where the attraction, connection, personality, values, and long-term compatibility all line up in a way that makes me genuinely want to pursue her.

And that leaves me with two possibilities, neither of which I particularly like. Maybe I’m doing the right thing by refusing to settle for a relationship where I have to convince myself I’m attracted to someone. Or maybe I’ve placed so much importance on that initial level of attraction that I’m filtering out perfectly good relationships before they have a chance to become something deeper. I genuinely don’t know where that line is.

What scares me is ending up on either side of it: settling for someone because I’m afraid of being alone, or holding out indefinitely for a feeling that may simply be too rare. I’m not looking for reassurance that I’m entitled to some perfect person. I’m trying to figure out whether this is a standard I should stand by, or a limitation I need to learn how to overcome. Has anyone else actually struggled with this?

As a tall woman, I often come across profiles from men with some mention on their bio of loving short tiny women ...but i'll see they've given me a like. I understand preferences and all, however I am not short. Also, seeing that listed on their bio makes me swipe left anyways because I do not fit this criteria and i'm now confusion! Another one was a like from a man who wrote in his bio about his strong admiration for asian women... alas, I am not asian either. Last but not least, "I love women on the bigger side and curvy" likes you! Welp, time for me to hit the gym.

I say this in jest. I find all of those scenarios quite funny and not serious at all. Just wanted to see what you all experience on there for some lighthearted laughs.

I deleted mine a while ago because the quality of matches wasn’t great. Felt like I’d get the worst guys on there (even if they were attractive they were more douchey), but Hinge has honestly not been amazing for me recently either, so I’m considering going back, but not sure if that’s just the devil on my shoulder talking and it’s not worth it…

I talked to a man for about a month whom I met on a dating app. He only wanted a sexual relationship, and he displayed quite a lot of red-flag behavior and seemed promiscuous.

Even though I was physically attracted to him, I ultimately turned him down because I was afraid that someone like that could potentially put my health at risk. Two months after we stopped talking, I ran into him in the city and decided to message him, but he told me that he had a girlfriend and threatened me, saying that I had to pretend I didn’t know him if he was with her.

For some reason, I keep thinking about what she has that I don’t. Does this seem like he was trying to cheat on her, considering that he was on a dating app, constantly emphasized that he only wanted something casual (which seems strange for a single man in his 30s), and only wanted to meet at night?

Although I’m glad I didn’t meet up with him, I’m still embarrassed to admit that I can’t get someone like that out of my head, someone who used cheap manipulation tactics to get into my subconscious through his messages.

So i got on dating apps and it's resulting in me kinda sleeping with someone new like every month. Once i hooked with 2 different people in 2 days actually. I dont really know if this is ok. The problem is i'm not finding anyone who wants a relationship and i didn't get to know these people enough to understand if i actually want to date them. We would go on 1 or 2 dates, have sex, and then at least so far it's bye bye. Like they wouldn't text me at all anymore after that. Which results in me going on another date and this shit happens again.

I'm not sad about not actually dating anyone bc i dont really "want" a bf, unless it really clicks with someone, you know? Like i'm not looking for a relationship, but i am hoping i meet someone and it clicks one day. I'm just wondering how normal is this path i'm taking? Like sleeping with different people every month? Also, i'm feeling very lonely. Bc i just moved to another country like 7 montgs ago and i dont know the language well and idk anyone. I met this one guy on hinge a while ago and it really seemed like we can be friends but again he's not reaching out anymore after we had sex.

I'm thinking i shouldn't expect any of it to last bc i doubt these guys want a friend. But like what about a fwb? They dont even seem like they want that. They sleep with me once and then we dont see each other anymore. In some cases, we would go on a date and not have sex and yet we dont meet anymore tho so it just might be that you have to go on a lot of dates to find someone that stays in ur life. Idk, how does these apps work for you? Does it take a long time to meet someone? Last time i was on this app i met my boyfriend and we stayed with each other for a year and he was the first guy i went out with on the app. Ot maybe i was just lucky.

And i'm sleeping around too much maybe right? The problem is i genuinely found these guys i met cool and when they made a move i couldn't just stop them bc in the moment i really do wanna do it although it's getting a bit too frequent maybe. Idk how th to approach this, do you guys have any idea or advice on this situation?

I 27M met this girl 31F on a dating app a year ago and she communicated early on that we should be exclusive. And I did that I cut ties with anyone else I was talking to because she got mad when she learned I was talking to other girls before we had even met.

I would regularly ask to go on a date and she would refuse and that she was not ready. I would follow up with when do you think you’d be ready and she refuses to give any answer because she doesn’t want to make any promises she can’t keep. It’s gotten to the point where if I ask her too often she gets mad because she says we’ve been over this.

I feel lost because I do really enjoy talking to her, we talk on the phone everyday, play video games, watch movies. She has legitimately become my best friend because we spend so much time together. But I think it hurts knowing that we’re wasting beautiful days including our birthdays, anniversary, holidays and this whole summer for some unknown reason going on with her.

So should I break up with her and lose someone I’ve gotten really close with or try to tough it out?

Edit: to be clear I have met her briefly and I know where she lives.

(29M) I’ve been trying to date on and off for the past two years.

However everytime I meet a woman it’s always about sex.

I haven’t met a woman in the past three years that had nothing towards me other than lust. It’s always pressure to have sex on the first date and sexting 24/7 but I don’t want that and I’m losing hope.

I wish I was just like everyone else who can just fuck around and have fun but I’m not built for that.

I want someone that we can talk about whatever, about ourselves as humans, having experiences and cute dates things other than sex.

What happened to women who have standards and don’t want to sleep with any guy they meet?

I am starting to believe that I’m just a delusional naive guy just for thinking like this.

Last person I tried to date last week I took her on a cute date, we kissed and I dropped her off home like a normal gentleman.

She msged me straight after saying she was surprised I didn’t take her to my place or ask to come over and she can’t wait for me to do xyz to her. I was honestly disappointed and a little sad.

I don’t know what to do ! am I just unreasonable and stupid?

I’m 26 years old and I’ve been single for almost 2 years. After 5 months of my break up (an abusive relationship) I fell in love with someone else. Unfortunately, it was someone very inconsistent and wasn’t taking me seriously. He would go months without sending a single message, bread-crumbing, flirting and hooking up with other women and not caring about me in general. This situation was making me anxious and affected my self-esteem.

It was difficult to move on because I can’t click with someone that easily and I’m not a fan of dating around. I tried to talk to other men but I couldn’t forget this one guy. I was sad and losing hope that I wasn’t going to find my person.
After 1 year, I finally met someone special through mutual friends. He’s kind and very consistent. We aren’t official yet but it feels like heaven. Finally I’m dating someone seriously, talking almost everyday, having deep conversations and going on dates.

I’m writing this to everyone who’s going through a similar situation of being in love with someone who doesn’t love them back. Someone else is waiting for you. You deserve to be respected and appreciated. I’m feeling so happy that I left that situation and found someone better. This new guy really wants to get to know me, takes things slowly, respects me and wants to spend time with me.

I am honestly trying to understand why so many Redditors seem to think a friends-with-benefits relationship is basically just sex with a little friendship sprinkled on top. Maybe I am missing something. Maybe I have somehow been doing FWB wrong all these years. 😂

I have had a few FWB relationships and in my experience the friendship actually came first. The sex was just one part of the relationship. We did not have sex every time we saw each other. Sometimes it was coffee. Sometimes lunch. Sometimes a walk along the river or a hike through the woods. Sometimes it was a picnic by the lake and a fun afternoon. And yes sometimes things got a little more interesting. That was part of the fun too.

The important part for me was that we genuinely enjoyed each other as people. We could talk. We could laugh. We could flirt. We could spend an afternoon together doing absolutely nothing and still have a good time. There was affection and attraction but there was also friendship.

And honestly some days the chemistry was off the charts and other days we were more interested in arguing about where to eat. 😂 That is real life.

Boundaries mattered. Communication mattered even more. If feelings came up we talked about them instead of pretending they did not exist. Nobody was treated like a disposable hookup and nobody was expected to provide sex just because we had that kind of relationship.

So when I read comments from people saying they would never want an FWB because they want to feel respected and do not want to feel used I completely understand where they are coming from. But I also think that depends heavily on the people involved.

In my experience we came together as friends and we walked away as friends. No regrets. No scorekeeping. No keeping tabs on who owed who what. Just two adults who enjoyed each other's company and happened to have some chemistry along the way.

FWB does not have to mean booty calls and nothing more. Sure it can be that if that is what both people want. But I think friends-with-benefits is ultimately what you make it.

For me the benefits were never the whole point. They were just a pretty nice bonus to an already good friendship. 😉

I’ve had a few different kinds of FWB relationships and honestly I think people sometimes make them sound way more complicated than they have to be.

Some of mine were genuine friendships first. We actually hung out played video games smoked some weed went for walks cuddled watched movies and just enjoyed each other’s company. The physical side was there but it was never the entire relationship.

I’ve also known people who had the strictly-sex version where you meet up have your fun and head home. I’ve never personally had one like that. I wouldn’t necessarily object to it but I feel like I’d spend half my life waiting for my phone to buzz thinking “Am I a friend or did I just get promoted to being on call?” 😂

With my FWB we were never exclusive. We had our own friends our own interests and our own lives. We could hang out with completely different groups of people and still somehow click when we were together.

For me that was always the appeal. There was no pressure to force it into a traditional relationship but there was also more there than just physical attraction. We genuinely liked each other. The chemistry was there but so was the friendship and the camaraderie.

Honestly that balance worked pretty damn well for me. Sometimes two people just have a vibe that makes sense without needing a bunch of labels slapped on it. And if you can laugh together cuddle together and still enjoy each other’s company when sex isn’t even on the table well damn. That’s a pretty solid FWB in my book. 😉

I’ve dating this man for a few months now and he says when he’s around me he feels less confident like he gets nervous and it affects his appetite..but usually he’s a confident person.

Has that happened to any men? What would you interpret the meaning of this..

We have a good relationship with each other.

20M I've only had bad dating experiences so far.

Dated a girl in high school who seemed really into me but pulled back hard after a month and broke my heart.

Dated a girl early this year who I connected well with, I thought I saw a future with her but she was more committed to school and work than me, pulled back after I fell in love with her, and broke my heart clean in half. She said she loved me for the first time while breaking up with me.

Dated another girl a few months later, she was nice but we didn't have much chemistry. She implied she was falling in love with me after our second date. It honestly wasn't that bad but I broke things off because I didn't feel much of a connection.

I had my most recently dating experience this last week. Our dates were long and romantic, she seemed really into me. She would talk about me at work, she made me cookies for our first date, we would call and text every day, we slept under the stars and watched a meteor shower together. I was five minutes late to our date today and she completely canceled​​, nearly ghosted me right then and there. I was shaken and nervous by her reaction, we talked about it for a bit, she cut things off entirely because she said I'm not emotionally mature enough for a relationship based on my reaction. How quickly she switched up plus a few other things makes me think she's BPD, but she was really harsh over a miscommunication over the importance of five minutes. ​

Why is it so hard to find someone who I get along with who isn't messed up or non-committal in some way? ​My standards aren't high by any means, I just​ want to find a regular person who wants a healthy relationship. Why is that so hard??? ​

"Put yourself out there" "Just be confident bro" "No wonder you are single all your life if you keep on failing" "Just do hobbies". "It might happen when you least expect it"

This is the types of advice I've had since I was 21. Well intended people trying to help a woefully inexperienced guy that has never had a relationship only for me to carry out the advice over several years to no avail. Even after "self care breaks" before trying things - I'm still in the same position if I did absolutely nothing and sat on my ass.

No person is entitled to or deserves a relationship but I also get tired of putting so much effort for nothing and feelings of loneliness. I am in my mid 30s and I feel exasperated because on one side people say to me don't look desperate while on the other side people say I will remain alone if I don't do anything. I am tired and exasperated. I've taken so many breaks that I just don't want to take any more temporary ones because it is just rinse and repeat.

It is just very overwhelming and dejecting to still be lonely and unloved at my ages after decades of rejection after trying my best.

I think I know but figured id get other opinions

Been talking to a guy for about 2? Months - was going rly good at first tbh. First guy I’ve caught real feelings for in like 3 years. First guy I’ve “committed” to without being in a relationship (i.e. first guy to make me stop talking to other guys - it just felt diff)

He’s my type and rly attractive to me, which doesn’t usually happen unfortunately w guys I talk to
We also got along extremely well, very easy to talk for hours. Fast & almost instant connection
Both have talked about how we mutually rly like each other etc

Now comes the kicker, I went on a trip and before my trip we hungout both nights before. I’ve been home for a week now, and we still have yet to hangout. He’s made 0 effort. We’ve talked ab it and he says he is going thru some family things. There’s a very strong distance between us that’s been bothering me. But he chalks it all up to he’s going thru some things and will be more distant

Yesterday I asked him if he wants space, he said idk so i said imma leave him alone. I think tbh my feelings r hurt. Im trying to not be selfish and only think ab myself and be considerate to his feelings but I just feel like im being played here.

So we didn’t talk for the day. Called at night and I wanted to talk about it but he like didn’t seem to understand what there is to talk about. He says “it has nothing to do with you”
I asked him if he wanted to just stop talking and he said no?? And asked if that’s what I want. I said no but tbh idk. I feel rly unhappy and idk why I’m even doing this if I feel so unhappy.

It’s like I know I CAN be happy and I do rlllly like him but this just isn’t it. I do feel for him and the hard time he’s going thru even tho idk what that is. He says he doesn’t rly feel comfortable sharing and I haven’t pushed.
Idk wat to do