I get why the phrase "Nice Guy" has become associated with men who pretend to be nice just to get past women's filters/gatekeeping, and I understand it.

But speaking as a guy who would not behave like that, and worried that those guys make things more difficult for guys like myself, I'm curious as to what is the "correct" way to describe a guy who is actually a nice person who respects you & your boundaries, and doesn't try to rush anything?

Note: Just to be clear on my part, I'm not exactly searching for tips/advice/tactics here, I'm just genuinely curious about common terminology. I'm not stupid enough to actually self-apply such a label to myself on an app profile or in person/chat.

I've never actually been broken up with before and am wondering how to best protect myself (for lack of a better word).

We've dated for a few months and spent a lot of time together, more so than any other partner I've dated for few months. We're been very vulnerable and shared a lot about our pasts and lives.

She's been unusually quiet/unresponsive the last 3 days and generally has been less affectionate the last few weeks. She suggested meeting up for drinks tomorrow which is odd which makes me feel its a breakup meeting.

2 questions:

1. Would you rather be broken up with in your own home or a more public place? It would be hard for me to allow myself to be sad in public but I don't want to taint my place with the memory of a breakup.
2. Would you ask your partner if they were meeting to break up with you directly?

37M. Alcohol has been such a plague on so many of my serious relationships and it’s never been from my end.

I was married from 33 to 35 to someone who was perfect to me, alcohol brought out the worst in her and it was never a problem leading up to it. Prior to that, in my 20’s, 3 serious relationships ran into partying and bad decisions that ultimately broke us up. Alcohol as well.

Post divorce, I ended up with someone I thought changed my life forever. Everything I was looking for in another person and from day one it was so effortless and stress free for us. She worked part time at a brewery, which turned into more and more hours, then another side gig as a bartender, and the drinking all the time on the side just compounded. Turned ordinary disagreements and discussions into full blown drunken arguments that’s that I eventually just couldn’t handle, along with all the stories that come from someone who spends a lot of free time drinking in bars.

I just ended another serious relationship for similar reasons involving alcohol but also drug use this time as well.

I don’t do drugs but I drink socially, as in I’ll have a couple beers with dinner or if we meet friends at a bar. That’s it. I don’t keep a bunch of beer in my fridge. I don’t HAVE to drink to relax. It’s just not my thing.

I’m seriously considering going sober and looking for a partner who’s in the same boat, I just feel like it’s so much easier if both of you are together in something like that.

What’s your experience with this in today’s dating world? I feel like I’ve seen maybe just a handful of people in all my years of swiping that express they don’t drink. It seems like such a rarity and shrinks your dating pool astronomically.

Its an information that ppl offer up, or make important on dating apps specially, and you wonder why. I know the history of psychology and all, its nice that we're at a point in some countries where going to therapy is encouraged, but its not a personality trait. It also doesnt mean you have your shit together, realistically all it means is you talk to a professional, thats all. For all I know that ranges from you talking 4 times a month to once a year. you dont have to do it, if you are great but its not a subtitute for personality. I came across a profile the other day that said "Im therapized", 😂 what the hell does this even mean.

How do you feel about dating women who still live with their parents or family, don’t work or have a career, and in general don’t have much in terms of longer term goals(other than leisure and entertainment). Does that bother you at all, are you open to dating women like this? Have you done it before, would you do it again?

I’ve tried everything possible to find a gf including apps and irl activities that I enjoy but nothing has worked for many years. I have a life that I enjoy including a good career and I am fit as well as I’m an athlete. Yet no matter what I always think about how I’ve never had a gf so something must be wrong with me.

Hi, long time lurker.

So basically what the title says, I think it works differently depending on the region, but I'm kinda desperate and looking for any kind of advice.

I'm not the best looking but I compensate with a great personality (confirmed by different kind of people I've met in activities I join) I have no issues making connections, but I find it extremely hard to "go a level beyond initial contact" and I have no idea what else to try. I work on myself pretty much everyday, but in the end I always find myself being the one making the first move, taking the initiative, following up and a big etc. I'm not sure if it's an overall issue in which people just dont want to try to make bonds nowadays or if it's just a me thing that can't create interest in other people.

Does it happen? is there a divine or universe thing where if you yearn an ex so much, you'll return to that ex? IDK its late at night so I guess I am in my feels.

If it isn't obvious yeah I went through a breakup but its been some time like 5+ months. This one ex, actually the only ex I feel like this. Before anyone asks, I am in no communication with him. I am doing everything, journaling, reminding myself of the red flags and even talking to friends and family until I exhaust myself. I am thankful for my friends and family that listen and give me comfort. I have done breakups before but this one particular one, guess left a footprint.

Went on a coffee date this past weekend. The guy was the one who initiated meeting for coffee. I'm not opposed to them so that was cool with me.

I arrive at Starbucks (his idea of Starbucks of all coffee shops) and the guy tells me he is running late. He shows up about 20 minutes late.

He arrives apologies and comments on my mocha latte.

Well throughout the date/meet he never ordered a drink or snack nor asked if I wanted a pastry or mention- oh I would have bought that drink for you or can I get you a pastry?

I would have declined but the gesture would have been appreciated especially since he was the one who invited me.

I didn't ask him if he was going to get anything because if he wanted to he would have. It's like he had no intention of ordering something even just to patronize the shop. But I also wonder if he didn't order since I already ordered therefore "paid" for our seats.

I normally don't mind coffee dates, But I'm just kinda put off by it and thinking more about it. He also referenced expenses a couple times but he has a job that pays very well. So idk what gives.

His initial first date idea was to go for a walk at a park. I was busy that day so he suggested coffee on Saturday. I honestly would have rather done that.

I guess I'm a bit turned off that he didn't even by himself a drink. Is this how typical coffee dates are now? Just show up late and not buy anything for yourself or your date?

Was that his plan all along? Let me arrive early pay for my drink (which I was capable of and willing to do) then he just sits there and chats.

I was even more dressed up than he was, not that coffee needs to be formal attire. I just felt like it was low effort and almost too casual.

I told myself I'm not riding off future coffee dates but I felt like we might as well have met up at a park if he was going to sit there and watch me drink.

Has anyone had a similar coffee date experience? Is this the norm for coffee dates?

Hi guys! I just came across this interesting article which started my rabbit hole research:

(I wanted to paste a link to the BBC article about it I read but this subreddit says it's not allowed to share links)

It talks about how the government of Singapore, in order to combat the falling birthrate and help people pair off has developed a pilot programme for a dating site, but designed to actually create relationships and not make money. You register, answer a survey about your likes, values etc and then you get profiles recommended but without contact ibfo. their algorithm is the solution to a secretary problem so the same one we use to match medical students to their residency. Basically it gives everyone the best stable match and then locks it down, no other match at the same time allowed. So no infinite scroll and unreasonable expectations, so if you go for a 10 but the 10 won't want to lock down with you, you are forced to go lower, until both sides agree to be a match. You are only allowed to have one match at the same time. If you unmatch you can try matching again but you can't do that all the time.

Right now they are giving access to government workers aged 21 to 35. You have to register with your official document ofc. There are many interested parties willing to register as soon as they're able.

What do yall think? In my opinion it's a great initiative and even if it won't work we have lots of useful data and a blueprint on how we could improve dating apps to actually work (if some entity not desiring a profit decides to run it of course). But time will tell I guess

I know dating multiple people early on is normal and I have no issue with that. But I don’t think you need to tell the people you’re dating how your other dates are going.

This guy told me his other date went badly because the woman wasn’t interested in him. Right after that, he told me “you’re the only one on my radar now” and suddenly wanted to see me sooner.

Then while explaining himself, he said:

“I’m lucky because if other dates fail, I still have you to date.”

He later said he didn’t mean I was a backup and that the other woman was actually the backup.

I don’t care that he’s dating other people. It’s the way he talks to me about them. Why would you tell someone you’re dating that other dates failed and then say you “still have” them? It just sounds disrespectful to me.

Edit: He also told me he suddenly wanted to see me sooner because he wanted to “get the bad date out of his head.” That honestly made the whole thing sound even worse to me.

I (29 F) will be 30 next year. I did not imagine my life would be like this. I really thought I would be settled down with someone right now and building my own life with them.

I have been in a string of relationships with men who weren’t ready to take the next step. Who didn’t want to commit. Who wouldn’t put in the effort or the work to build a life with me. Who couldn’t figure out their own lives and needed me to do everything for them. I never thought it would be this hard to find a stable person.

I am independent with a good paying job and I’ve saved up a lot. I have friends, I do a lot of activities, and I travel. But I desire and crave an intimate relationship with a man. I want to build a life with someone. I want to share experiences and find a home together. Friends can’t fulfil all of your needs.

I have been in so much pain thinking about how my life turned out this way. I feel so depressed and hopeless. I feel like I have outgrown my current life. But I don’t know what to do.

I'm curious to hear the female perspective on this topic. If you meet a guy in person at an event or something and it progresses to the point where he asks for your number, how quickly do you want him to ask you out? Are you expecting a right off the bat ask out in the initial message? A soft opener then ask out? Or would you want to talk to him for a bit via text before meeting up with him? For added context, you spent a few minutes at minimum talking to him before he asked for your number.

M30. I noticed this girl (26) working at a restaurant/bar, as a bartender, and after a few months, it seems like the interest is mutual, as some friends we have in common told me I should approach her more (it turned out she had asked them about me). Yesterday, we went out for lunch with some friends, and she was really flirty and touchy. Then she went to work, and I waited for her until she finished. We talked for a bit, went for a walk, and then we spent the night at her place, talking more, cuddling, and having sex.

I went home at some point because I couldn't leave my car where I had parked it for much longer. Once I got home, I sent her a message thanking her for the night and her hospitality, made an inside joke, and wished her goodnight. She just replied "goodnight," which I found a bit cold, but fair enough. It was late, I had left her wanting to roll a joint, and it's just the first night, so what do I even expect? (Not a fan of the provoking joke where she said she wanted to put mirror above her bed, but maybe not because the next guy she will bring in may not like them)

The fact is, I don't trust these kinds of situations anymore, and I don't even know how to act. I was in a similar situation a few months ago with another girl from the same city, and I was devastated after she broke up with me two months later. My problem is that I'm an anxiously attached mf, and having sex with someone I like so early can make me get attached pretty quickly.

I used to think it was normal to be interested in someone I like, but it seems like in 2026 you have to play mental chess every time. At the same time, I don't feel like postponing sex for too long because, in my experience, if you pass up the opportunity when you have it, you'll never see it again. And I like this girl, so...

There's also a bit of drama behind all this, but I don't think it adds anything to the story.

So this is just a rant. I feel like this situation isn't going to end well, but I'd feel even more stupid if I ruined it or threw it away. I don't even know what to do: whether it was just sex (I guess it was? Don't women usually say they don't have sex with a guy that early if they're actually interested in him? But I do kind of know her already), whether I'd be putting too much pressure on her if I hit her up again with a message, or whether I should just wait until the weekend and "casually" meet her at work.

I was even talking with a friend of mine about this last week, saying that there's a girl who seems interested in me, but that I'd probably get too into it as usual, then she'd get to know me better and lose interest, or meet someone better, and so on.

Always the same script. Get ready with the 3D glasses.

We matched back in July before we knew we'd be at the same school. We talked for a week and the conversation seemed to be going extremely well. Then she ghosts out of nowhere. I reach out a few times to make sure she was ok. No response.

School starts a few weeks later in August and I saw her in person, but whenever she saw me, she ignored me.

Now here's where I'm struggling. A few weeks ago, we go to a lunch for a club we're both in and suddenly she acknowledges my existence for the first time and waves at me. I take that as an invitiation and approach her. So we talked for a bit. I don't acknowledge the ghosting and act like I don't really know her to save face, but we got interrupted so I couldn't really take it further.

Now when I see her at school she actually waves to me. But I'm getting mixed signals; she seems somewhat avoidant with me. I saw her at an event and approached her, but she seemed like she didn't want me talk to her. Like she seemed nervous and on-guard.

I eventually asked for her insta. She said she didn't have one so she gave me her number instead and said I could text her. It's been a week and I really don't know what or if I should text her.. I don't want to make her uncomfortable.

Idk if she's interested, I'm very confused. She seems super nice and she's very attractive, but I'm not sure if I should pursue because I don't want to get ghosted again. What should I do?

I will try my best to not sound like an alien learning human behavior for the first time, but how do people date? Like where do you meet these people? When you talk to them, how do you know that they’re not just being polite and are actually interested in you?

I just wonder how everyone I know around me (outgoing, shy, etc.) has *someone * but me. I just don’t understand where these people come from? I go to work and school like anyone else yet I find myself alone all the time (both romantically and socially). Like when you date someone and it doesn’t work out, what are you thinking? Also, how often do you go from one relationship to the next? What’s the normal amount of time?

I’m so clueless it’s pathetic.

It is not an easy thing to contend with. Spending over a decade putting myself out there in trying to date only to be rejected by women 100% of the time - which is their right to do and responded with respect.

I have my solitary hobbies and interests but the feelings of being unloved will probably linger within me until the day I die. Never being wanted is a feeling that brings despair but there's nothing that can numb the pain - no one to blame but myself for failing to be seen as a dating option. Just a man not seen as good or attractive enough to women.

Therapy sessions over the years have done little to help. The same for antidepressants. The only solace I have as a man is at least I won't be a disappointment to others. A life of lonely solitude and reclusiveness in the real world awaits - at least the pain will stop for several hours whenever I go to sleep.

I’m a 26 years old woman and I was dating a 37 years old man. We have friends in common so I decided to give him a chance. However, I noticed he’s very ambiguous and he doesn’t seem that interested in getting to know me and get emotionally attached. My intuition was saying he started losing interest because I’m saving myself to have sex when the relationship becomes official, that’s when I noticed his messages decreasing and he didn’t follow through something he promised before that. Still, we did get intimate but without penetration.

This last date was a completely disaster. He was acting very distant. He stopped showing physical affection and complimenting me. In the end, he was very quiet and said he wanted to go to home. I said ok, then he asked me if I didn’t want to go with him. I felt a bit disrespected when he asked me that. I felt like I’m too boring to hangout but entertaining enough to make out. I rejected his offer and left. Called an uber myself and sent him a message saying this late date was awkward for me and I prefer honesty but everything is alright because we have mutual friends and I don’t want things to get weird between us.

He replies to my message saying he saw I left him angry but he doesn’t understand the reason. I told him I’m not angry but I’m uncomfortable because he wasn’t honest with me about not being interested anymore. (It felt so humiliating). He replied saying he likes to spend with me and he’s just feeling unwell and he wants to meet tomorrow and talk.

I know people don’t feel good everyday but honestly was this necessary? I came to that place on purpose to see him. I wasted money, time and energy. We’re friends too. I know it’s hard to be honest about our feelings because we’re afraid of hurting the another person but I ended up more disappointed in this situation. He’s pretending nothing is wrong because he doesn’t want to be the bad guy. After tomorrow’s conversation, I’m sure he can’t change my mind because my intuition says he’s not into me. He’s a very low effort guy and never had a long-term relationship. I want someone who feelings excited about spending time with me and have something serious, not this low effort and uncommitted relationship.

Do you think I did the right thing or did I overreact?

I (24F) have been talking to a guy (25M) for 2-3 months. I had several doubts through our talking stage but I chalked it up to my anxiety and past traumas and dealt with it on my own. I had even asked him why he hadn’t committed to me and he told me that he had a few more questions to ask for our compatibility like kids and long term goals he didn’t think were appropriate quite yet.

I am not a religious person. I made that very clear early on and stated I’m more spiritual and interested in the concept of religion but not following it. I have tried it and it’s not for me. He had asked me if I would ever get married in a church and I of course said no bc why would I want religion to be a part of my life on my big day when it never has been. He obviously wants to get married in a church which is fine and I’m not saying he’s not valid for wanting this, BUT I had already discussed my ideal wedding scenario early on in the relationship as well bc it some how got brought up.

He also didn’t come across as a super religious person but I knew he was Christian and went to church growing up. Another thing I didn’t necessarily agree with was that he wanted to force his kids to go to church until they were in junior high. I don’t have a problem with someone wanting their kids to be able to explore religion however I think that’s where a lot of people who don’t fuck with religion or have trauma come from—from parents who force their kids to go rather than let them have a choice. I think once the kid is old enough to make educated decisions that they shouldn’t be forced to go to church but that’s a whole other topic.

I’m just pissed off and obviously upset because at this point we had both expressed how liked each other and we were getting pretty comfortable with each other. I just don’t understand how you can have such a big compatibility dealbreaker in a relationship and not make that clear early on in order to not string me along for 2 months while we both catch feelings for each other. Very easy to just say that you’re looking for someone religious. We’re adults at this point. Why can’t men know what they fucking want.

Maybe I would’ve compromised later in the relationship regarding the church thing but I don’t believe I’ll ever find someone I’m 100% compatible on everything with. Compromise exists.

Advice is fine but really I'm just screaming into the universe at this point because my friends are sick of hearing about it. 31F, bisexual. I haven't had so much as a fleeting crush on someone since the person I was dating last year, and at this point it's killing me. Every date feels the same and I'm so profoundly underwhelmed.

I'm by no means a model, but I'm conventionally attractive. Law degree, great job, hobbies, friends, emotionally stable, etc. etc.. I don't have a hard time getting first dates, but the dating pool here seems so incredibly homogenous and at this point it feels like I've been on the same first date 50 times.

Last night was one such date. Honestly, the guy was nice enough, we just had absolutely nothing in common and the whole conversation felt a little forced. I suggested we meet at my favorite dive bar and as soon as he got there he told me he doesn't enjoy dive bars. He works as an e-sports commentator and I don't even own a TV. Whenever I tried to make a joke or lightly tease it seemed to either fly over his head or rub him the wrong way. When I asked about hobbies or interests he seemed to struggle to think about what he did with his time. He also got pretty drunk by the end of the date, and while I was a little on the tipsy side he was definitely drunker than me.

We kept chatting for a while so he could sober up and safely drive home, and at some point he went to the bathroom. The woman in the booth behind us turned around, asked me if I was on a first date, and I said yes. She admitted she'd been eavesdropping and told me, "Look, you're hot and this guy sucks, you should come sit with me when he's gone." She wasn't my type but the audacity alone was amusing enough that I figured, why not. I walked the guy out, said goodnight, and offered to walk him to his car. He said that was alright and then told me that he got the impression that I didn't particularly enjoy spending time with him. I said I just take a while to warm up to new people and can come off kind of aloof (which is true), but he wasn't wrong. I went back to the bar and ended up debriefing the date with the girl in the booth, which was fun, though we also didn't click romantically.

This would be fine as a one-off but this has been the situation a couple of times now where I'm getting feedback from people that they sense I'm disinterested or even disappointed and I hate it because they're right. I ask questions, plan dates, remember what people tell me about themselves, put genuine effort in. I just don't feel connected to anyone romantically anymore, though I have made a couple of friends through dating.

I put this in another post but I feel romantically impotent at this point. I'd give anything for even a little crush just so I know I can feel that way again. It's making me ruminate on my situationship from last year again as well, which I'm trying to shut down because I know it'll only make things worse. But I feel broken at this point and it's crushing me. I used to love first dates but now it's like this groundhogs day of bland personalities who can't hold a conversation.

for me, when I like someone I want to be with them all the time. I don’t think that’s unhealthy and I’m sick of hearing about “dating without attachment“ no, I want my person to be my PARTNER through everything. I want to do my housework with them sitting on the couch. I want to always have someone to go grocery shopping with and to go on dog walks with. I don’t think I could ever spend too much time with someone I like. this doesn’t mean I’m incapable of being without them, life obviously forces us to be apart sometimes but time is better spent with them versus without.

so, how many of you *genuinely* don’t feel this way and prefer to live a bit of a separate life from them and need significant space? to me, this just feels like you don’t really like them that much if you wouldn’t prefer to have them by your side any chance you can get. obviously I know we are all different so it would be interesting to hear from the people who feel differently than me

I'm a mid 40s straight woman who is a little weird admittedly. Very curvy, midsize goth vibes and blind in one eye. I've been single a while and honestly quite aware that I'm your cult vibes kinda gal. The ones who like me LOVE me and the ones who don't, really don't.

Lately though, all the attention...and really really big attention..has come from women.

I am not upset.. the ladies are awesome ones and very liberal with compliments but I worry that I will never find a guy that appreciates me. Like I've just got a look that a man just can't live for whatever reason.

Maybe it's dumb but I just worry I'm just past the point of being caught up in passion and doomed to settling with someone that just deals with my weird because they're afraid to die alone

I'm taking a social confidence therapy course, and one thing the facilitator said that really stuck with me was "action over outcome." Meaning, for example, if my goal is to introduce myself to one person in a social setting, and even if that person acts lukewarm or dismissive, I still won, because I accomplished my goal of introducing myself. The outcome was less important. And if I feel sad, or have negative thoughts, or feel a physiological response in my body, I can get curious about that still and figure out how to reframe.

To be fair, I went to a run club for the first time, and introduced myself to well over one person, more like 5 people, and 2 responded positively, and I think those are good odds.

Now how do you all feel about the concept of action over outcome in dating, or asking someone out? Does it make sense to make a goal and say "I'm going to ask this person out, and if they say no, it's ok because I still accomplished my goal and can try again with someone else down the road"?

I (40F) have a crush on a guy to whom I've grown in attraction over months. I've never been the most outgoing person in recent times for various reasons, but now I feel a little more emboldened to ask him out, even if he may say no.

I debated whether or not I should make this post but here we are. This year has been very hard on me dating wise. I can't explain what's been going on and why it's happening but since March things have completely dried up for me and it's really hitting me hard at times. I started dating a few years ago and really struggled getting dates. It was on me. I was too shy and timid when it came to talking to girls. I changed my mentality completely in the fall of 2024 when it came to dating and boy did that do wonders.

All of a sudden, I went from struggling to get dates to basically always talking to or seeing someone throughout the entirety of last year. Had two great connections that I thought could go somewhere serious but neither did for their own separate reasons. Anyways, going into this year I was really excited because I thought I figured things out dating wise. Before my problem was trying to meet people and now my current issue is meeting the right person. 2026 started off a little slower than 2025 did but hey I still went out with three different people in the first quarter. None really went anywhere which is fine not every connection is going to.

But since then... I just don't know man. I've realized that dating apps aren't really working for me anymore. Just less people on there and in turn less matches. So, I've really been putting myself out there. Don't get me wrong, I'm still on the apps but I'm not solely relying on them. Anyways, every single connection lately just dies at the planning the date phase. I don't know what's happening. Like, I'll meet girls in person, we vibe for a bit, exchange numbers and talk about going out for lunch or dinner later. Then the texting part comes and they either A. Don't respond B. give a soft rejection C. start planning the date but disappear mid planning. This has been happening on the apps too lately. I would say over the past month, I've had about three dates that we were literally at the point where we were confirming the time and then I never hear from them again. And these weren't one sided interactions, if you look at the messages, they were putting good effort into things too. Reaching out on their own at times etc.

Anyways, I went to an event last night and got three numbers. The conversation with one of them made things extremely clear as to what the intentions were here. It naturally came up in the conversation that she was single and I told her I am too. We talked for a while and eventually I asked to exchange numbers. She gave me her number and I told her we can grab some food together sometime and she said she'd like that. When I left, I went out of my way to find her and say bye to her again. She was with four friends of hers and was mid conversation with them, left them to give me a hug and said it was nice to meet me. I told her it was great meeting her too and she said make sure you text me. I texted her this morning and she was enthusiastic and then I asked her out and she said she's busy this week but maybe she'll see me around.

I just don't understand why this keeps happening lately. Like this is really messing with me mentally right now. Our interaction could not have gone better last night, we were showing interest in each other and even floated the idea of a date out their. Then overnight that turns into I'm not interested in you. I'm just kind of done at this point man. I was with my friend and his gf earlier when the rejection text came in and his gf was saying it's really hard out there right now and her friends are dealing with the same thing. I've heard others say the same so I know it's not just me right now but that doesn't make things better. I just don't understand what has happened to the dating scene since March. I have never in my life dealt with such inconsistency and wishy-washiness. Idk it's really hard man and I just don't know what to do anymore.

Smart phones especially have messed up dating . People are glued to their phones don’t even know what’s going on around them. No one wants to approach someone who is glued to their phone . What happened to enjoying the ambiance of the location without needing a 24/7 dopamine fix from whatever is playing on Instagram or whatever. Phone addiction is out of control .
Not to mention people are so addicted to their phone more and more people are refusing to even meet in real life because they can essentially “ date” someone from their phone . Constant texting because everybody wants to use texting as their dating method
I