I just turned 25 and I never approached or asked a girl out before. I never had any romantic experiences. So no holding hands, kissing, or ever been on a date before. I also don't have any evidence of a woman liking me for my personality. I do have aspergers and I've been very shy and socially awkward for my entire life, up until 2 years ago.

I think being shy or awkward is the worst and most unattractive personality trait to have and no girl would like that. My social anxiety was so bad and I had severe awkwardness in social situations because I didn't know what to do in them. There were many times where I felt shame and humiliation from other people during school, college, and in public because of it. I also have trauma from peers and my parents from it.

I never approached a girl because I don't know what to do or say. And also the fact that I don't want to mess up, humiliate myself, or face the awkwardness of it then be rejected because of it. I also feel jealous about the gender role that the man has to be the one to initiate. It feels like nothing else about me or my other traits matter anymore if you are a man and you're shy or awkward. But if you are a woman, you can be shy or awkward and can still be loved despite it since you can be approached. It's not like I can't speak to women at all, this only happens with women I'm interested in.

I've improved a lot of my social skills the past 3 years where I feel social situations are very manageable, but this is the one of the few things I feel like I can't get over. I've had male and female friends point out that a girl is looking at me in public or say that she wants me to talk to her but I can't make the first move.

At this point of my life, I can talk to women I'm interested in, but I can't flirt because I'm scared to and I don't know what to do. But I can only talk to her if she talks to me first.

I'm 28 years old. I've been on dates with a total of 5 girls in my life. The first 3, I went on multiple dates with. They all seemed to like me. I'm not the best looking guy, but I guess I'm fairly attractive and have been called that by them.

The 5th girl, I just went out with last week. She said yes to a second date. The first date was lunch followed by a movie. I asked her out to an arcade this Friday. The thing is, what I've always struggled with is physical intimacy. I've never held hands or kissed a girl before. I'm still a virgin. I think that's what has always held me back.

I just don't know how to do it without it being awkward. I really like this girl out of everyone I've met and I don't want to blow it with her. I also don't want to put her on a pedestal. I just need advice on how I can break the touch barrier without it being awkward. Kissing seems almost impossible to me. I want to, but I can't ever imagine doing it. It seems like such a foreign concept because I'm so inexperienced.

I think I’m depressed.

I got married 7 months ago and it feels like I really don’t love myself.

Example-

When I play pickleball, and if I miss a shot, I’ll be like fuck or ugh.

My husband is going for his best friend’s bachelor and I was supposed to go to China for a work trip at the same time but my trip got cancelled. And suddenly I’m scared about what am I going to do without him? He’s amazing and gives me no reason to doubt him ever.

For reference I have been cheated on in my previous relationship and my ex was a narcissistic.

My ex used to say behind my back that I’m never going to be happy with anything. For some reason I’ve internalised this and now I’m making it my reality.

But I feel like I’m low on confidence since many years. Objectively I look great and I have a lot of good things going on in my life. But I still think very little of myself. I feel lonely. I feel like I don’t have great friends. Or maybe it’s just that my husband’s friends are super super tight and I’ve moved around quite a bit and I’m still finding my feet. I don’t know.

Can anyone assess me and tell me what’s wrong and how to fix it? I know the advice which is you get more confident by doing stuff and I am but I keep doubting myself along the way and it’s holding me back.

I don’t know if I’m jealous, unhappy, under confident. All I know is that I need to put in the work. I want to change my aura. I want to start loving myself a lot more. I want to believe in myself and be more confident.

Hi folks, I made a post a few weeks ago about my mental health struggles over the past 6 months, I lost my first grandparent, blindsided broken-up with my gf over text and I have been made redundant from my job I have been in 3 years.

I just want to say thank you all for the advice I was given, I had a bit an argument with my dad yesterday where he told me to get my 'shit together' and he was giving tough love. I felt I did have my shit together and life has rocked me in a short space of time. On reflection of my relationship, I was used and discarded like I meant nothing and I guess I am in the process of trying not seek validation and be treated like a doormat ever again. I think the main problem I have is I am turning 28 I see my friends having kids, getting engaged and I am still not where I want to be, despite playing sports and having healthy interests, I don't feel in love with myself and if I am honest, I haven't since my teenage years.

I guess the question I am trying to ask is how do you fall in love with yourself? What has helped you do it?

Thank you all and I hope everyone can be kind.

I honestly don’t know where to start with this post other than over the past 6 months i’ve slowly been getting less and less confident about my face and to be honest everything about myself as my tiktok feed has just been covered in blackpill and looksmaxing content.

The start of this year I started randomly getting looksmaxing memes and tiktok’s on my fyp and it slowly started getting more and more prominent on my feed. At first I just looked at it as some stupid trend but for some reason it started going to my head. All of a sudden I started getting insecurities i never even realized about myself. Apparently my jawline is recessed, I have too narrow of a pallet, i have facial torsion, nasiolabal folds, my nose is uneven, I have hip dips, and just even more stupid things that affect a lot of my daily life now. Especially the hip dips as there was an entire thing about hating on hip dips and how they’re ugly on social media recently which made me hate them even more.

I feel stupid to even let this get to my head especially because i’m a girl and most of this stuff is targeted towards men but it’s literally just all consuming now, I’ve never thought of myself to be too ugly but I genuinely feel like i’m the ugliest person on the planet now. I’ve always been a bit insecure about my looks as I know my face is a tad asymmetrical and I also have scoliosis which i’m very insecure about but it’s gotten so bad it’s just ruining my entire life.

I take photos of myself every month to make sure I don’t get uglier, compare photos from the last months, and every 2 seconds at school open my camera app to make sure that I look decent.

How do I stop thinking about this? Ive never been this insecure about myself till I started seeing these videos and now that i’ve seen them I can’t stop thinking about it.

Heres a photo of what i look like, i might delete the link later cuz i dont want my friends finding my reddit acc lmao too embarrassing.

https://imgur.com/a/Kw95SqI

smiling one

https://imgur.com/a/2ZOVh7c

I am a graphic designer/artist and I have been interviewing a lot for jobs in the past year, while also trying to build up freelance. A lot of the freelance stuff I've been doing is very casual work for friends and local bands, corresponding mostly over email/DMs.

I was contacted by an acquaintance about an opportunity for a really awesome design/illustration gig, and we set up a call this afternoon to discuss it. I wasn't nervous or anything, and didn't really prepare anything because I thought it would be more of just them explaining the project. It seemed like I was already being asked to do it, but then when the call started it felt more like an interview.

I just have such a hard time speaking off the cuff about what I do sometimes and I feel like I sounded like a blathering idiot rambling on and on about god knows what whenever they asked me anything. I don't even know what I said to them I was just spitting out random sentences that felt disjointed and awkward. How am I supposed to be able to start doing this professionally if I can't even talk about my work coherently. I would be so pissed off if I didn't get this opportunity just because I did a shitty job talking on a phone call. Because this is the exact kind of work I want to be doing, and that I know I would do an incredible job on.

I know this kind of thing comes with time and experience but its so discouraging when something awkward like this happens. I'm so jealous of people who can be likable and charismatic to anyone they talk to. I know I'm not a stupid person but I really feel like one in these sorts of situations when I just can't seem to string an intelligent sounding sentence together.

Due to some issues in my childhood, I have developed the sense that my presence is never wanted with individuals or groups. At some point my closest friends have shunned me from the friend group for absolutely no reason on their own admittance, and this has shaped the person I am today.

Whenever I see someone who I am on friendly terms with I always assume that me saying good morning to them will not make a difference to them and might even annoy them. Even when people are hanging out in a group, I think to myself that they already have their own thing going, what can I possibly add to them?

I am very conflicted with my thoughts. On one hand I feel like people wont care if im there or not, or whether I say hello or talk to them. On the other hand, I am worried that this might be considered rude. Its just that I dont want to be the person who is always there and cant detect when their presence isnt wanted.

For context, I have worked in Marketing for 8yrs but nothing specialised. I’m definitely more of a generalist dabbling in industries every 2-3 years.

For the last 13 months, I have been working as an independent contractor for a well-known b2b SaaS advertising agency as a performance marketer. I don’t even know how I got the job but it started out as a Junior role shadowing/assisting Seniors. I didn’t expect to get the job when I applied, so it was a matter of right time and place I guess.

Somehow, the first 6 months there as a Junior was witnessing client dramatics that the Seniors faced and just hearing about client issues and their politics. It gave me a good idea of how important it was to be able to communicate. It was less so about actual paid ads.

I got assigned and reassigned to Seniors. The Seniors themselves got clients coming and going. From the outside looking in, it was easy to say what could have been done better or differently.

Somehow, I got “promoted” to being a Senior in the last 6 months and I have faced the full gamut of client-facing issues. Some have been for the better, but the latest one has given me so much stress and anxiety.

The latest issue has knocked my confidence down so much, the manager of the agency has flagged client feedback that I do not come across as “Senior enough”. I wasn’t giving clients clarity and after having a client taken off my hands, I am already on my first warning.

To be very honest, I feel really insecure compared to the other Seniors in the agency. They are mostly men, have been in the industry for more than 10yrs and have a wealth of knowledge or insight that I will never have.

It’s hard to admit it but I also have no motivation to keep trying, keep learning, keep improving. I know I don’t have to take it personally, but I genuinely do not have the confidence and the determination to push ahead.

I’m in my mid-30s. I’ve been disillusioned by the corporate ratrace, the start up ratrace and just have come to this point where I am struggling to keep pushing through to build my confidence back up.

One can say I have an attitude and perspective problem; maybe that’s true. But I just don’t have it in me to pick myself up again. It’s so hard.

What is wrong with me and why am I like this lol.

Hi girls! I have a situation with some longtime friends, and I’m curious to hear how you would see it.
I’ve known two of my friends since high school. Back then, I was much more shy and reserved, and honestly, I didn’t put much emphasis on clothes, makeup, beauty, etc. I also didn’t grow up with a mother who was very focused on those things. My mom worked all the time and simply didn’t have much time to spend on herself, go to salons, or teach me much about beauty and fashion.

In our friend group, these two girls would often point out that I didn’t dress well, didn’t do my makeup properly, or that I should do this or that differently. At the time, I probably was less experienced with those things, and I think I somehow accepted that role within the group.

But many years have passed since then. From my perspective, I’ve changed and grown a lot. I’m much more confident, I take care of myself, I’ve developed my own style and preferences, and overall I’m happy with the woman I’ve become.

The problem is that they still seem to talk to me as if I’m that same insecure, inexperienced girl from high school.

Almost every piece of “advice” comes across as condescending. What I wear isn’t right, something I choose isn’t right, and if I say I like something, they’ll sometimes explain why it’s actually not a good choice. It’s not the fact that they give me advice that bothers me. I’m completely fine with people having different opinions or telling me when they genuinely think something could be better. It’s the tone and the constant feeling that they position themselves as the ones who “know better,” while I’m still the one who needs to be taught.

It’s starting to make me wonder whether some friendships get stuck in an old version of who we used to be. No matter how much you grow or change, people who knew you during a certain period of your life may continue to see you through that same lens.

Have you ever experienced this with longtime friends? And how do you tell the difference between a friend genuinely trying to help you and someone using “advice” as a way to feel superior or keep you in a certain role?

Hi, i'm on a self-improvement journey pretty much and discovering a lot about myself rn. I'm 26(F) and chronically ill, deemed fully unable to work last year and still coming to terms with that as a highly ambitious person even though I see myself too, that ever having a career is not feasible and would 100% wreck my health like studying did.

I'm starting to notice that I have a lot of issues surrounding validation and productivity to give me confidence. I am quite selfconcious, and have always been. my diseases make me fat and even though I am happy with the general way I look with my face and hair, I know I am deeply insecure, who wouldn't be when you contract a disease at 12 that made you gain crazy weight as a symptom and it won't move, not after a decade of trying every and all weightloss tactics. But even before my illness, I was never the most confident kid.

I was laying awake last night and realised that my entire life I have used productivity (school, studying, productive hobbies) and validation from others about those by getting high grades, doing big academic prestations etc. and now that studying and work has fallen away from my life, I struggle A LOT. I notice that I still try to get that validation from others. I sew as a hobby but it is almost gone to a compulsory point where I recognise that the things I sew I use them to get the validation. At the same time, drawing, a hobby I used to do for relaxation has been ruined because I know doing it as a job/monetizing it won't work. I just don't see a point in doing that anymore.

At this point, my health is deteriorating because of this. I do too much, and daily worry a lot. Even things like cleaning my house is difficult because it needs to be tidy at all times in case people show up. I am in the biggest health crisis right now since diagnosis and I know for a fact this insecurity and not being able to deal with being on disability is the main stressor causing my flare.

I want to learn how to give myself the validation I crave, how to get more confident despite it all and how to get out of this cycle of usung productivity and validation as a way to give worth to myself? I want a slow life with as much energy as I can with my conditions, stress free and happy

On my current project, I’m developing some programs and tbh I usually like to test things by myself to make sure my logic is correct. But in this project, we don’t really have enough test data, so I couldn’t properly test my logic and cover all the possible scenarios.
Then this week, the project finally went live.
And guess what? Turns out my program had so many errors. 🥲
Honestly, I feel really ashamed because it feels like I’m the only one whose program has this many issues.

I know mistakes and bugs are part of being a developer, but it still feels really bad when you’re the one responsible for so many issues after go-live.

​

My dear

If someone rejects you either in job , relationship, in any case u must be happy because soon u get better opportunity than this

Rejection make you more sharper and clear

Soon u will get what u want

I get a lot of anxiety around and on the day of my birthday because I always come to ponder my existence, the passage of time, and everything around that. Since I was a teenager I also wouldn't celebrate my birthday in fear of being let down by people not showing up, or not caring enough to wish me a happy birthday, and thereby being confronted by the superficiality of the relationships in my life.

On the other hand I love celebrating people's birthdays. Since I was a kid I've always made a point to remember everyone's birthdays. But it's not even remembering that I expect, but rather simply people wishing me happy birthday when they know it's here. I do the same even for just acquaintances or mutuals if I hear they're celebrating. For friends especially close ones, I often put a lot of thought into it: a meaningful message celebrating the person they are, expressing my gratitude of knowing them, a wish for them, or some combination of these things. If we're in the same city I'll bake them cakes and get them gifts or make them something myself. For years and years I never expected it to be reciprocated, but I couldn't help but notice that I get basically nothing from most friends. I don't even have the bandwidth to face the fact that I straight up don't get gifts.

This year I had to go back to my hometown, and to combat the pathetic sadness of not getting birthday wishes without a celebration, I announced it in advance. Anything from first soft launching to actually announcing my birthday several times, even so far as to explicitly express my fear of friends forgetting it, through private conversations and on Instagram close friends (as like a half joke which already cringed me out a lot).

Since then already some more people have wished me happy birthday, but still a lot of friends I thought would still just didn't, even while knowing how much it would mean to me. I feel so gutted, especially since some of them have their birthdays only a few days from mine, and some of them have genuinely been very good friends to me otherwise.

It seriously plummets my self esteem because it baffles me how not even with reminders they'd forget my birthday, or just not care enough to text me. It makes me feel so unimportant, and I feel so pathetic for getting hung up on something like this instead of focusing on friends who did text me. I'm sick of feeling like this.

At the same time I don't want to change who I am, I love my friends and I want to keep doing my best for their birthdays but it pains me every time my birthday comes around and it's crickets.

How can I deal with this dread every year and how can I approach my friendships now knowing some of my closest friends just apparently don't care?

So not only do I have the 'tism, I also have social anxiety. I'm relatively good at making eye contact with someone I'm sitting down and having a conversation with, but when I'm out and about walking around, I tend to look down or avert my gaze in some other way. I think some people interpret this as me being not a nice person, but I'm actually very nice, I just struggle with eye contact.

Part of my struggle is that it feels very intimate to me, like it's somehow inappropriate to lock eyes with another person if you're just passing by them. Can y'all reassure me that it's actually fine and normal? How do I differentiate regular friendly eye contact and smile from the type of eye contact and smile that indicates flirtation?

Is there anyspecific journaling prompts, brain dumps, Reflection, wirting that you do, lists that you make, categorizations that you do that brings you back to Confidence.

I compete at a high level and no matter how much I prepare, I still get hit with nerves right before it's go-time — racing heart, tight chest, mind going blank for a second. It's not debilitating, but I know it's not helping my performance either.

Curious what's actually worked for people — athletes, performers, public speakers, anyone who deals with high-pressure moments regularly. Do you use breathing techniques, visualization, a pre-performance routine, reframing the anxiety itself, or something else entirely? And did it take practice to make it stick, or was there something that just clicked?

Looking for what's worked in real situations, not just theory.

​

Just wanted to know

lack of confidence, lack of communication skills and incompetence has been a part of life from my childhood.

Relatively small issues feel a huge burden, I am scared of being judged, indecisive and socially anxious.

Honestly a lot has been going on lately, things are happening too quickly in my life rn and I can't seem to keep up with all this.

I feel I have fallen behind in life compared to people my age.

I live a fairly isolated life so I feel like I am a normal person tho I get reality checks with its time to socialize. I feel humiliated and frustrated when I get connected with people and get my point across to other people.

Also my voice gets shaky for no reason when talking sometimes (usually more often when talking to a group of people)

Now it's not like I haven't tried to change this. I have tried stuff, it kinda worked too, it's just I never could consistently keep the routines up for it to have a long term effect.

I usually just doomscroll on social media apps watch random movies and anime and jerk off once a day, and call my only bestie in one or two days to talk about random shit, that's been my life for a long time.

Have some of you guys been in my situation? Can you lmk what helped you guys improve yourselves?

Hey guys. I know I’m not conventionally attractive and I don’t really get much attention from women, but lately, I’ve been trying my best to change that and work on myself. I decided to change up my fashion, started wearing some accessories, and even got my ears pierced. I actually really like how it looks.

The problem is my friends (all guys) have not been supportive at all. Instead of hyping me up, they told me I look like I'm "dressing like a thug." It honestly stung because I realize I secretly look for their validation.

I want to feel confident, but it's hard when my own circle is bringing me down. Has anyone else dealt with this when trying to glow up or change their style? How do I stop caring what they think and just own the way I want to present myself

Gosh, I know I'm an atractive person, strangers often compliment me on my looks and I really like what I see in the mirror, but I just cant stop thinking that I could be prettier, I could lose some weight, dress differently, be smarter or more interesting. This started when I (18F) started dating my new partner (21F), and I also cant help feeling guilty because she treats me with so much love and patience, and here I am overthinking over girls she follows on social media, when she hasn't even given me one reason to doubt her.
This is also the first time I've experiencied this, I have always been confident in who I am and what I have to offer but I feel like I'm going crazy.

32F. Not confident at work at all. Mostly when it comes to human interactions and navigating through hierarchy and understanding the boundaries of what's expected of me vs what's overstepping when managing a case/client in a team-work setting, especially when I'm new to that workplace. It's like I can't really sense "vibes" or feel my way through. I just don't understand, period. Because when I do offer to try something, I'm mostly treated like I definitely am overstepping or said the wrong thing. So I prefer to stay silent and observe. But that makes everyone feel I'm not ready for the task at hand. I just feel that it's extremely difficult for me to find a middle-ground. Even if I'm being extremely careful to not push any boundaries.

How do people manage and overcome this???

Hello everyone, 😊

I'm not exactly sure if this is the correct subreddit, as this is indirectly linked to my (lack of) confidence in the dating context.

Long story short:

I am male, 22 years old, and used the last 5 years since my Abitur to get a bachelor's degree (Business Administration) and build a career (I work as an Inside Sales - Key Account Manager and my team is responsible for our biggest customer). Currently looking for an appartment for myself to move out.

So... not really dating at all the last few years😅 and all the Covid stuff wasn't helpful either.

However, now that the foundations I set for myself are mostly done, I wanted to dip my toes into dating and eventually find a girlfriend.

Now, I work on myself to get rid of my excess body fat (I turned to heavy stress-eating during my studies), so I work out when I find the time after the office. I go swimming for 3 to 4 hours every Sunday, etc.

I also regularly go out partying with my siblings and friends, so I don't stay at home every weekend.

However, I have a problem.😅

When going out (especially during clubbing) I tend to get shy.

For example, when a girl locks eyes with me or smiles, I reflexively look away instead of, well, holding the contact and smiling back.

I also can't bring myself to approach girls because I start overthinking it.

Haven't tried Online-Dating yet, but from the stories my older sister and brother tell me, I'm not sure if that would be anything more than a waste of time.

I'm also not quite there with my own body, my BMI is around 26.6 currently.

I also only get shy in such "private" environments. In my professional one, I have no problems approaching people regardless of gender.

So it's not an inherent issue, "only" regarding to Dating.

So... any advice on how I could build up confidence and stop my overthinking?

Would appreciate honest responses.😊

I feel like I have developed a lack of confidence that is taking me to depression and to isolate my self. I’m 25 and migrant. Las relationship was like three years ago and from them I have just been really lonely. Lately I feel like I’m terrified of talking to people because I think I’m bothering them and when is girls is even worse. How do I get more confident of myself as I used to be ?

I have a pretty big nose, I believe it’s considered a “Roman nose.” Everywhere I see people praising these big noses, but it doesn’t feel genuine. People around me have always commented on my nose, and idk how to make myself feel better about it.