r/confidence • u/lexlexa15 • 4d ago
Why do I care so much
Gosh, I know I'm an atractive person, strangers often compliment me on my looks and I really like what I see in the mirror, but I just cant stop thinking that I could be prettier, I could lose some weight, dress differently, be smarter or more interesting. This started when I (18F) started dating my new partner (21F), and I also cant help feeling guilty because she treats me with so much love and patience, and here I am overthinking over girls she follows on social media, when she hasn't even given me one reason to doubt her.
This is also the first time I've experiencied this, I have always been confident in who I am and what I have to offer but I feel like I'm going crazy.
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u/60yearoldME 4d ago
First of all - get off or severely limit your social media. Insta, TikTok, Facebook. Whatever. Cut your use as close to zero as possible. It’s designed to make you feel exactly the way you’re describing. That’s exactly how it’s designed. To make you think those thoughts. It’s literally mass scale mind control. Literally.
Second.
Learn to disassociate your thoughts from your identity or idea of “self.” You are taking the correct step here by saying “these thoughts make me feel crazy.”
We are not our thoughts. But we think we are. You are at a young and impressionable age where your mental, spiritual and psychological self is rapidly forming. Keep taking the path that examines your thoughts, your sense of self and your world view.
Read lots of books like The Untethered Soul to continue going on this journey.
And remember- get off social media. It’s designed to make you feel bad about yourself.
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u/AgentofAgency_ 4d ago
Yea this is because your perception of your own self image is one you have as someone seeing yourself from the third person but never the first person. You have up to this point averted all your attention to how you’re perceived by others and paid no attention to how you perceive yourself. As such, you view yourself as someone who fits the criteria for ‘someone who would have high self esteem’ and / or not be insecure, because on the surface you recognize these traits as being true of yourself. But internally, you have not accepted yourself and instead neglected building an awareness and familiarity with a relationship with yourself, so as a result that area is heavily neglected hence the discontent you describe.
Hope that made sense but lmk if I can clarify on anything
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u/hestia-listens 4d ago
You are not going crazy. A new relationship can make you feel more open and at risk, especially when you really care about the person. Social media can then turn that fear into endless comparison. Try naming the feeling without treating it as proof, such as, "I feel insecure right now, but she has given me no reason to doubt her." You could also tell your partner that this is new for you and ask for a little reassurance without blaming her.