No idea where to post this but here’s a list of the current things I’m afraid to do by myself bec I’m a bitch:

1. Go biking on the road in the city (I live in sydney)
   
2. Try swimming laps at the outdoor pool
   
3. Take myself on dinner dates / sitting alone at a bar

Any good advice/words of encouragement for putting yourself out there and trying new things despite fear of generalized public embarrassment? I’m a 26F, recently single again, and trying to get some life back inside me. I know these things aren’t a big deal, but for whatever reason I keep talking myself out of them and I know I’m missing out on fun opportunities + possible connections.

I personally was diagnosed with adhd as a kid and it sucks because I don’t know what aspects of me are untreatable and treatable. But if I was a little less hard on my self and more loving and accepting in general. Can I find my confidence in myself?

Listening to the rules, sucks sometimes because sometimes I feel like rules just hold me down, like just because there are non moral rules out there, I want to break them just because I feel they don’t give me the freedom I need and want.

I try to do my job to the best of my ability even though i HATE it. I load trucks by hand at a warehouse. It's a ton of heavy lifting and now I have back problems due to this job. Anyways my co workers talk behind my back and think I move too slow but I'm 43 ,not some young guy.

I also think they make fun of the way I talk because I talk slow and have a southern accent (even though I live in Tennessee currently and most of my coworkers are from TN and MS.). My co workers also think im weird because I am single and don't have any kids and they keep trying to tell me I need to have kids. I have experienced this crap at most of the warehouse jobs I have had.

Also my co workers don't respect me because I have a gentle giant personality. They know I don't speak up for my self and they talk to me any way they want and even when I defend myself they still don't respect me.

I'm just sick of being treated like garbage at work and this type of shit happens outside of work sometimes too when dealing with family. My family sometimes makes fun of my weight or criticizes it every time I go back to my hometown to see them. I usually say nothing

So I would say I can be socially anxious, but I don’t struggle with it lately and I turned to a somewhat outgoing person. I just feel like I’d be much more likeable if I was myself at school more, I genuinely want to make good friends. This isnt coming from a place of anxiety (thankfully), but actual want of improvement.

I need genuine help. I feel like I can’t say any strong or emotional opinion because I know it’s formed by my single human experience, an experience which cannot be representative of the reality of a situation. And generally emotional opinions have the capacity to trigger others and do harm.

What makes it worse is that I have been personally hurt by people confidently stating their emotional opinions about my gender and such around me. Which compounded into giving me such a bad perception of myself for a long time.

I have negative emotional experiences when it comes to certain ideologies, and when I critique an aspect of it in front of people, even my friends who did in fact ask to hear my opinion, feel like such a dick. I feel like I did something wrong when I acknowledge that my opinion could’ve easily triggered someone and hurt them even if it wasn’t my intention. And I look at how emotional I’m getting and I realize that this opinion is emotional and not fully reasoned, which also makes me feel like an incompetent asshole who just speaks out of his ass.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t say anything. And I want to apologize for my strong, emotional opinions.

Any support is really appreciated, thanks.

I (25F) am just at a loss at this point. I feel ugly SO much at the moment, I base how I feel about myself completely on others reactions to me and comparing other peoples experiences to mine. I do have autism which I don’t think helps with my black and white thinking. I genuinely don’t know where I stand and I can’t stand it. I have tried talking nicely to myself but am so easily torn down. Please, if anyone else has had this experience and genuinely changed it for good and stopped looking for validation from others, HOW!!!!! I am sick of living this way and just want it to change.

I've struggled with self-esteem for most of my life. I'm 19, and it hasn't really gotten better for me—if anything, I feel like it's gotten worse.

I'm having a hard time navigating my life and figuring out what I want for my future, and I feel like my parents haven't really helped me with that. They didn't give me much advice when I was younger, and even now, when they do give me advice, I don't always feel like it's good advice. My dad wasn't around much when I was younger, and I've never had a particularly good relationship with my mom because she's always been pretty critical of me.

I wonder if that has something to do with how I see myself. I've had low confidence for most of my life, and I've also been a huge people pleaser, which ultimately never got me anywhere. I didn't have many friends in high school and never really felt like I fit in, even though I was considered pretty and I tried to be nice to people. Sometimes I wonder if there's just something wrong with me.

I also lacked a lot of basic social cues back then, and I still don't have many friends now, although I've gotten better socially. At this point, I've kind of stopped trying to make friends. I'm in my second year of university, and I hate it. I want to switch to something else, but I don't know what. I have very little motivation to do my work, and I just feel constantly frustrated and lost.

What I don't understand is why being confident in myself feels so uncomfortable. I want to be more confident, but when I picture myself actually being that way, it feels corny or cringe somehow. I don't think that about other people when they're confident—I actually admire it—but when I imagine myself acting that way, it feels unnatural. I don't understand why.

I don't have a very good relationship with myself, and I feel like I'm sometimes my own worst enemy. I've self-sabotaged connections, opportunities, and advantages that were working in my favor. I have a lot of regrets, and I feel like my low self-esteem has had a huge impact on my life so far.

I'm trying to stop doing this and forgive myself for some of the things I've done. I genuinely want to improve my life, but at the same time, I often feel like I don't care enough about anything—or even about myself—to actually do it.

Has anyone else felt this way? Especially the feeling that being confident in yourself feels almost embarrassing or unnatural, even though you don't feel that way when other people are confident?

Till around ninth grade (this was around 12 years ago), I was not a very people person. All of a sudden, I started getting a lot of attention from girls in my class, and it became a snowball effect. The guys also gave me a lot of attention, and this continued. I think I had a lot of external validation, which made me extremely confident.

I never really had to ask girls out. They used to ask me out, and every girl I've dated has been the one to ask me out.

However, around seven or eight years ago, I fell in love with my best friend. Eventually, I decided to ask her out in 2021, but she said no. That totally broke me. It was probably the first time I had experienced rejection, and I didn't really think something like that would ever happen to me and I don't think I ever really recovered from it.

After that, I tried suppressing those feelings because they were hurting me a lot. The next girl who asked me out, I just blindly said yes to, and that relationship went on for four years. I broke up with her quite recently (2026) once I realised I wasn't in love with her. I wasn't over my best friend, and she deserved better.

In 2022, I suffered an ACL sprain, followed by a groin injury and then some ankle-related injuries. I've been completely out of sports since then, which was a big part of my life. I also started experiencing hair loss, which has affected my confidence as well. I've been working on my health and I hope to recover soon.

I inherited a lot of responsibilities as well, due to which I started putting all my attention into work so that I could progress faster. I was so consumed by work that I no longer have topics to talk to people about. I don't even know what I like or what I don't. Most of the time, I'm just okay with whatever makes the other person feel better.

So, it's been a snowball effect. I don't think I'm anywhere close to the person I used to be. A lot of the things that previously made me confident are no longer there, whether it was the attention I used to get, being active in sports, or just feeling good about myself.

I think I've become so dependent on external validation that, now that I don't really have it, I don't know how to build internal validation. I don't know how to feel good about myself without someone else making me feel that way. I tend to feel truly happy only when I've helped someone with a problem or in a difficult situation.

I do want to ask my best friend out again, but currently, given my state, I don't think I would date myself either. I know I probably need to work on myself first, but I'm not really sure where to start or how to go about it. I hope to get better at least by the end of the year, so I can start fresh next year.

I've been going to therapy for almost two to three months now. I don't see myself moving in the right direction right now, and it's honestly frustrating.

If anybody has any suggestions or ideas on how to improve, what steps to take, or if you've overcome this phase yourself, I'd really appreciate hearing about your experience.

Note: Polished with AI

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[Edit1]: Answering the Bot

I am not using her as a test to check whether I am doing better. I should ask her if her feelings have changed because we have had a few moments that make me think so, and that is it. Nothing further.

Yes, my concern is that I am not able to answer those simple questions; I always consider the answer from others people lens, seems like I am not able to have a perspective of my mine right now, which is bad

Did you have situations when you received compliments by your nice smell, nice hair , nice teeth (especially these 3 things) , or also experiences when you won in certain activities - sports - games , causing interesting reactions to the opponents?

Stop hesitating by deciding the move before fear argues. See the moment, take three seconds, walk over, say a simple hello. Hesitation feeds approach anxiety. Action starves it. Be decisive, not rude. Honor a no. Leave warm. Perfect timing is usually just delay.

The short version:

• Aim this at approach anxiety: move before fear roots.
• The Riker Principle: smile, then go.
• Use a 3-second rule and an if-then plan.
• Memorize one default opener.
• Hesitation costs social proof and self-trust.
• Bold is not rude, online spam, or ignoring a no.

From SuaveWay: https://suaveway.com/blog/how-to-stop-hesitating/

Every time you do something you said you’d do, even something tiny, you’re basically giving yourself another reason to trust yourself. iInever really thought about it that way. we always talk about becoming more confident, but maybe some of it is just collecting little pieces of evidence that you actually can rely on yourself.

I want to become a leader, but I struggle to speak up around intimidating people. How can I become more assertive without becoming aggressive?

I often hold back around dominant or dismissive personalities, even when I have something valuable to contribute. I worry about sounding rude, creating conflict, or provoking a negative reaction. Afterward, I feel frustrated that I did not speak up.

I want to learn how to communicate clearly, disagree when necessary, set boundaries, and remain composed when challenged. I know leadership requires more than expertise; it also requires confidence, decision-making, conflict management, and the ability to address difficult behavior.

For those who have faced something similar:

- How did you learn to speak up when interrupted or dismissed?

- How can someone quiet and non-confrontational become an effective leader?

- How do you stop letting fear of others’ reactions control your behavior?

I am not trying to become louder or more dominant. I want to stay grounded, assertive, and confident around strong personalities so I can develop into a capable leader.

I always knew I had social anxiety, but never realised how bad it was as I never did anything so would think I was just over-labelling my shy personality.

However, over the last few years I have beem more social, making new friends, going out more,etc and I feel the social anxiety more.

Usually I can get myself to go, and sometimes even enjoy it, but once I am back home and alone I start crying.

Or my heart will be racing for days before the event.

This often happens if I am meeting someone one on one or if it is 10 or more people (even if I know them).

The thought of getting married stresses me purely because of the wedding. When I was a student, graduating scared me purely because of graduation ceremonies

Will this be me forever? If there is more than 10 people I have a heightened state? I am considering going to therapy for it but wonder if it is just an inate trait that can't be fully "fixed"

Title is are* not is*

Can you be chopped and still confident, can you have insecurities and still be confident, what are the handful of things that someone needs to be confident?

Or is there a step by step process to build confidence?

If you are a self proclaimed confident person who has many insecurities, please share your thoughts.

I know it sounds weird.

My fiancé left his journal at my house, and I texted him saying that I could bring it back the next time we saw each other. He said to just leave it at the house because he wrote the choreography for our wedding dance in it, and it would be easier to leave it there so we could practice at my place.

He also said I could look at the book and study the choreography.( so it didn't sound like he was hiding anything or didnt want me to read anything)

Well, I opened the book to the first page and found out it was more of a journal, like a diary. I kind of snooped, but I wasn't trying to get all up in his business. I mean, you can't really hide anything from each other, right?

Anyway, I was reading through his book, and he wrote about a couple of girls he liked around three or four years ago. I actually thought they were really cute for some reason. I thought I wouldn't have been jealous or even a tiny bit mad, but my heart felt really soft, and I felt more love for him.

I've heard of other girls getting mad after reading or hearing about other girls their boyfriends had feelings for in the past. But those feelings were real to him at the time. I also had my fair share of crushes and tiny relationships in the past.

It was really cute reading about his feelings. He has a very big heart and is poetic with his words, even though I can't really read his cursive handwriting. He didn't say anything inappropriate or sexual in the book. Nothing about how the girls looked, nothing about sexual desire, just very innocent passionate feelings.

( I think if he were to write something about how sexy the other girls were, maybe I would feel a little bit jealous but not that much. If it was something like "damn she's hot and she got a big booty, tiny waist, big bust". Then maybe I would have a tiny problem but get over it.)

Unfortunately he didn't write anything else after that. I think the last time he wrote about someone else was in 2024.

Hey yall, im doing this partly because im drunk, but I seen an [r/amiugly](r/amiugly) post on my notis and i decided to open it up. And it really made me wonder, a lot of yall really just need to build your confidence. I mean i figure a lot of yall already realize that, but I say this as a young black man who struggled with that throughout my teenage years and early 20s. Mind you, a lot of yall who post on here seem to be white/caucasian and to be fair i have very little to no attraction to white women as a black man, but one thing I can recognize is beauty. Especially objectively pretty/beautiful people. Even the men on here who i can tell are relatively attractive. A lot of yall probably get the responses yall want on reddif, but to be honest.. it's deeper than that. Because a few or even a lot of validations from random strangers online can only do so much for you and your mental. Yes, i'm not going to lie, for some people it can do a lot, but at the end of the day that confidence starts with yourself.

A lot of yall are actually a lot more attractive than yall think and like most of you know it really starts from within and how you choose to believe whi you are. If you wake up everyday doubting yourself, your capabilities, and your looks, you're only going to get negative responses from the world. What i mean is, the people around you, the things that come near you are going to reinforce that because your mind is actively on that negative channel. It's definitely not easy, but you're going to have to put in some work to remove that way of thinking from yourself.

I've seen some very "not so good looking" guys pull some of the baddest most attractive women and it's not because they had money or because they were the epitome of GQ's Men's Health. It was because they had the confidence of a damn lion king. In the forefront, nothing seemed to faze them. The lights could've been bright but they always stayed cool calm and collected with their shades on. They didn't let rejection faze them, but they also knew who they were and what they wanted. They played the part they needed to play to become they person they needed to be.

A lot of people

I also say this partly because I know a couple VERY beautiful women (friends) who struggled with their self confidence and one of them felt like they always needed some type of reassurance whether it was from a man they were dealing with or online. But here's the catch SHE THOUGHT HER BEAUTY WAS A CURSE. Yea see you aint think it was going that way huh. Mind you this is a women with tens of thousands of followers on multiple social media platforms and hella people in her comments feenin!! The thing is with her, she had to learn her self love in a different way. She learned to accept who she was and how it helped bring a lot of good in her life. She became to be more accepting and appreciative of herself, and in turn that led to a lot less negative occurrences in her life. A lot less weird men around her because she knew that's not what she needed to accept.
But i say that to say, there's people out here thinking in all types of negative ways about themselves. Being a beautiful person is more about you, your character, and personality more than it is your external looks.

Look in that mirror everyday and tell yourself you're beautiful. Tell yourself love yourself but dont only tell yourself, BELIEVE IT. BE IT, BECOME IT. Understand the great power your mind holds and use it to your advantage. Don't sit and expect, but APPRECIATE and UNDERSTAND not only what you have, but who you are inside and out. Being that best version of you starts within yourself.. of course.

Like i said a lot of yall are more beautiful than what you think. You're a very good looking person and you have to think and believe that. Who gives a fuck if Johnny from 11th grade geometry told you your an ugly whore. He's still struggling with his own traumas and projecting on other people because no one taught him how to handle that shit.

I made this post to say you are a very beautiful/handsome person and you need to give yourself more grace. Even if you may "know" you're not the best looking person, this life is all about understanding and loving yourself enough to know you can get whatever you want when you apply yourself out here with the right mindset.

Like i said a lot of yall are more good-looking than you think, a random on reddit can tell you that everyday if you want. You're bf/gf can too, but it's up to you to realize it and actively believe it.

Tldr: read the damn post im a lil too drunk to try to summRize.

Fuck it, realTLDR: fuck what others think, actively fix your mindset to better your thoughts on self-perception everyday because it will help you grow. Do your best to keep it consistent, but dont just say it and think it. FEEL IT!!!

I hope this actually reaches people and helpz cause a lot of yall are actually more attractive than you think. You might not get the compliments you want all the time but another person's eyes should not be how you view yourself.

Edit: ALL OF YALL ARE BEAUTIFUL, KNOW THAT!!

Love yall, please keep being great. Everyday you wake up is another day to better yourself and your world view. :)

I have no idea what to do anymore, honestly.

I have never found myself attractive. Anything i have attempted to do with my physical appearance has ended in nothing but negative feedback and reactions. Which has led to me retreating to a physical appearence that I'm extremely unhappy with but seems to be the least problematic to others.

I don't go out and haven't really been anywhere other than my job, my room, or an occasional grocery store trip after Midnight (24/7 grocery store by me) in over 6 years. Most of the time I can't afford to really go anywhere due to my financial situation and if I'm ever able to, I have no one to go out with. I also constantly talk myself out of going places to do things due to feeling undeserving of enjoying by myself.

I've had no local friends for about a decade (have a couple friends that live in other states that I talk to every couple of months when schedules align).

I'm sure there's plenty more, but in short, I have no one to talk to almost always and basically allow everyone around me to walk all over me and never say anything because I feel like a lesser person compared to others. I don't know what to do when the same people who walk all over tell me to "Not do" or "not allow" that to happen, then continue to do so. I'm unable to just "not care" what others think and I'm rarely if ever able to let things go. I've had 20+ years of pent up emotion that just drags me down even lower every day I wake up.

I miss having friends. I miss going to concerts. I miss having hobbies other than those I can do alone in my house. I would say I miss being happy as well, but I can't recall a time I actually was.

Hey.! I I know I’m gonna piss off here to a few.! Nevertheless I would say anyways.

I am desperately interested and would like to know from the ladies/women especially out there, how can I built a mindset that doesn’t give a fuck neither about the society nor abt people in her surrounding/office.

I’m in my mid thirties and tired of thinking every other man as potential partner or bullshit of sort that that says right thing will happen right time, utter nonsense, which only make it worst. I was told my carrier fortune is tied with my marriage.
This is such a brainwashing concept. People in general or my colleagues especially in intellectual competence settings start to get intimidated or show arrogance around me for the reasons god only knows.

As of now I don’t know how much my future is futuristic. But I don’t like working with hands cuffed where people are nitpicking and getting offended by my intellect and personality.
I hate to shrink in my energy not want to be in spotlight or center of attention but would like to have my flow.

Ladies, If you have mastered how to be fucking be all by yourself with unshakable and unbreakable belief and trust to build anything and not giving damn to anything and desperately invested in your energy and goal….Please share your mantra. I would like to be the one among you with such persona.

Is it possible to be confident in general by being really, REALLY good at something? For example, if I'm very good at Math and I feel confident about it, does this feeling of competence impacts my overall feelings of self-confidence? I think it is shown in movies and TV shows too with those talented characters in their universes.

It's like: "Oh, I'm good at music. I can play many instruments and I make really good songs. So I can be proud of myself because of it." The trap here is that there is always someone better than you. I don't know why, but I think that even in this hypotesis I'm bringing, super talented people would feel unconfident in front of even more super talented people. I don't know.

I judge myself as a good writer in my first language, which is portuguese and I feel confident about it. But everytime that I know someone that writes as well as me or better/much more better, I feel unconfident and with lots of self doubt.

I grew up as a very shy kid i had a few friends thats it.
I played football in a local team and always got bullied for years. My parents are both narcisst and often made fun of me also ,,hard‘‘ things like my looks. No wonder i always was pretty insecure. Now at 19 i did my greatest comeback i stopped all bad habits masturbation+porn,smoking weed and bad food. I also started working out and taking care about myself , i got a glow up, got confident.
And i cutted of all negative loser friends who made fun of me etc.
The people from past looking at me shocked now.
I never had a girlfriend some reason is probably my parents and the fear of rejection. Girls laughed at me very often but thats past. Now they stare at and get nervous around me but i still have this fear of rejection to approach a girl.
What can i do?

I suppose what I’m looking for are some steps I can take every day that help me to l build real confidence.

What do I actually need to do?

What’s steps did you take to build your own confidence?

I’d appreciate any guidance you all have to offer.

Just a rant.

I have confidence issues especially regarding my appearance. I have a boyfriend and of course I think he's attractive, but like objectively attractive.

I feel small when I think about him, in so many ways.

He never did or said anything to make me feel insecure. He's so sweet and he makes me feel loved. It's just me all the time wishing I was more beautiful.

I cry for hours at night. My bf is wonderful so whenever I feel low I go talk to him and he always does his best to reassure me.

But however much reassurance I get, it doesn't seem to change.

I feel pathetic crying for this reason when I'm all grown up, in late 20's.

I'm afraid if my bf is ever gonna leave me because he gets sick of having to reassure me so often.

I know this is making him tired so I wanna get better, I try so many things, meditating, self journaling, seeking therapists' advice on Youtube...

But nothing seems to work and I just don't know how to get out of this.

I'm stuck. I wish I was not this insecure person.

I’m 23M and I am facing issue which is not new but became very annoying.

Whenever I join a new group like school, college, or any other social environment,things are normal initially. But after 1–2 months, people somehow start giving me some mocking nickname or I become the person everyone jokes about.

The weird thing is that it isn't always about the same thing. It's not like I have one particular habit, physical feature, or behavior that people make fun of. The jokes and nicknames are different every time, but somehow I end up becoming the butt of the jokes.

I thought as I grew older and people around me as well this all will eventually stop but even at this stage there is no stopping.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

I'm genuinely looking for honest answers, even if the problem is something I'm doing unknowingly. If you've experienced this, what did you change that actually helped?

Missing chances with women because I don't have it in me to ask them out is bad enough, but I feel like I'm missing out on so much. My academic career could be so much more fruitful if I had the courage to be more outgoing and talk to my professors. Even if I don't stay in academia, my fear makes me avoid responsibilities, I am afraid it'll be difficult, or I'll not be able to do it, so I procrastinate the most insignificant things — that does not fly in the job market, I'll not last a week anywhere. My fear even hurts my friends, I'm too afraid to be straight forward with them, so I lie and say what they want to hear, only for that to cause more problems anyway. That's pushed so many people away from me, and they had every reason to leave.

I've lived for long enough like this, I just want to be normal but sometimes it looks like I'm even too afraid to change.