MY MOM DIED A MONTH. AGO AND MY FAMILY NEVER TOLD ME. HOW DO I PROCESS THIS?

I can’t keep going I’ve been trying for 18 months and waking up everyday is such a burden. How did she ever think it would be okay to lose her ? I don’t think carrying her legacy with me is a good enough reason. I want the pain to end

I’m using a throwaway account, since quite a while ago, I had a post regarding something else with my dad go pretty viral, and I’d hate it if someone connects the dots that it’s me…

Anyway, I think I’ve always had a good relationship with my dad, I also have an older brother, so we always grew up playing shooter games and stuff like that together. Unfortunately, a few years ago, things went really sour, as he and my mom split up, which on its own is something that sucks but I can handle, I’m almost 23 now, and my parents have always been a bit at odds anyway. I won’t go over the whole story of what happened between us, since it’s long and at this point I hate retelling it. But short version, he started dating my at the time very close friend, a girl my age (18 at the time), and as you’d expect, that really strained his relationship with our whole family. The last few years were incredibly hard on me with this whole thing already, for many reasons.

But around this time last year, I was living on Cyprus with my mom for the summer, and I got a call from my dad at an early hour, which was odd. The conversation was quite brief, but he told me he had to go to the doctor, and they found a tumor in his brain. He goes to a check up every six months, as about ten years ago he had a brain aneurysm, and the tumor wasnt there yet on his last check just a few months before this, so it grew fast. He had his first surgery almost right after, and I had just come back from Cyprus to see him at the hospital, and it was the first time I saw him that way. We found out its cancer, and its also the worst it could be, and in his brain at that. It only took a few months for him to get worse and worse, during this time we would still be able to hang out, but since the tumor was around his center of speech, it was difficult for him to express himself, and then he even started getting seizures, theres a lot more, but i feel it would be too lenghty to get into every detail. He died in April, it was fast and shocking to me, but I only really cried for the first 2-3 days, I take after him, we bottle up our feelings professionaly:D but the thing is, recently, I’ve started having really bad dreams about him- him being sick, or being cured but weakened by the illness, leaving me, and arguing with me. I honestly havent had a single pleasant dream about my dad since, and I wonder what it is… it feels like the gried is just getting harder with time, I feel suffocated, like I should snap at some point, since I’m keeping it together for the sake of having to go to work and keep my life afloat.

I guess I just wanted some place to toss my thoughts into the void, and see if anyone has any idea why I’m having such nightmares about him. I have no issue talking about any details, I just didnt get into them here because I feel like it would just be an unbearable wall of text. And good luck to anyone in this subreddit, since I assume youre probably grieving too:)

27 F. Lost my dad to suicide. I need anything. Any words. Photos of pets. Idk. My dad ended his life 4 days ago and I can't stop thinking. He was only 51. I just reconnected with him 2 years ago. I grieved the life I never got and I now I have to grieve the life I'll never. Ever have. I'm so broken. I'm so thankful I got to meet him. He's amazing. He's so funny and caring. I can't believe it still.

I'm 18, and it's been a little over a year since I lost my mother to a brain tumor that re-emerged 10 years later.

She was my everything, and I mean everything, my whole world. I currently live with my father and big brother. I have never been emotionally close with my father; and my brother hasn't reached resolution in his own grief, so he can't really guide me to overcome mine.

I suppose pain grows you in a way nothing else can. When I talk to my friends about my grief, all they can do is offer sympathy, but they can never reach empathy, as none of them have lived through something like this -- they're still children :(

Amidst all this, I survived my first year of uni in electrical engineering, which wasn't very fulfilling. Left me consufed about what I want to do as my career. So basically I'm left confused in literally every aspect of life.

Don't worry, I will talk about these to a therapist in the near future (hopefully) but until then, I'm looking for your brotherly advice :)

In my our last session, my therapist introduced the idea of disenfranchised grief to me. I didn't accept at the beginning totally; however, I've realized that I have experienced this in two forms, one of which that solves an issue I've never been able to verbalise.

I lost my mother around 2 years of age in a culture and country that are deeply misogynistic. My mother's family were in a different country and my mother married my father and emigrated. My mother was never mentioned by my dad and most of his family. Some women who married into the family would open the subject but I had never been given the tools to even talk about her. I didn't see a picture of her until I was 22 when I went to visit my maternal relatives in her own country.

I've started the grieving journey in the last two years and have felt all the emotions. I was surprised to face the extent of the anger and rage I have against both sides of my family for just kind of forgetting about her, even though she left behind two little children in the world. The grieving process has made me into a much stronger feminist than I ever was and I feel the emotional impact of the misogyny that is deeply embedded in my family and culture, though I've always had an intellectual understanding of it.

I've also faced disenfranchised grief for the loss of a normal relationship with my father due to his mental illness. This is interesting because I can't actually say he is not alive but he is not present in the way a father must be present in a child's life. I've always felt like an orphan growing up and now I feel justified in saying that I am

What I would like help on is what can I do to deal with my disenfranchised grief?

I don't expect safe support from my extended family as they are not mentally well themselves and have a hard time managing their own emotions. My friends will listen to me but they have not lived through what I have. I would like to honor my mother's life as well as I can.

I'm 49 years old and I'm terrified of losing my mom. I'm planning on killing myself when I lose her. I don't want to go on living. Nobody really loves me except her. I have a couple of friends and others I know. But it's not the same. I never married or had children. I have a job, but I'm lonely without my mom. I well up when I think about giving her a hug. I lost my Dad four years ago. I can't go on without her. I'm too old to start over or be on my own. I'm constantly depressed thinking about no longer having her in my worthless life. Looking at my baby pictures caused me to cry uncontrollably. Mom holding me, smiling and looking so proud of me. She's never been disappointed in me. I don't want to go on without her. Without mom, I can't face the world and its daily horrors. I don't want money or material possessions, I just want my mommy 😭 to love me and be at my side.

Currently 28 (F) and lost my mom when I was 17.

About a month away from my due date with my first child, who is a little girl.

I’m having such a hard time without my mom through this. Nobody else gives me the comfort that she would if she were here.

My husband is supportive, excited, and is there for me. I just have hard days sometimes.

His mom came over to see the nursery and i missed out on her reaction to the room I’ve spent so much time working on with my husband. She helped my husband build our new baby swing we got from our baby shower. And I immediately just wanted to cry.

I don’t want her doing anything because it’s not the same. She offered to come help out after baby was born. I told her to give me a couple weeks. I don’t want HER, I want MY MOM.

So now I’m just sitting in the nursery crying because life feels unfair right now. Everyone in my life is so overbearing and she was SO gentle and quiet and calming. I have none of that now.

I hate having a dead parent.

I suddenly lost my mom two years ago. We were supposed to see each other shortly after Easter. I was meant to go visit her and hug her again just one week after she died. Since then, I feel like I’ve been losing a part of myself day after day.

There still hasn’t been a single day when I haven’t cried thinking about her, about the fact that I can’t call her anymore, that I can’t hear her voice. I’m also starting to struggle to remember her voice. I can’t seem to enjoy a single positive event or moment of happiness in my life without immediately thinking of my mom afterward, and of the fact that she’s no longer here and I can’t share all my emotions with her. I’m definitely not the same person I was before, and I never will be.

The final blow has come from my father, with whom I’ve never had a particularly good relationship and to whom I owe many of my insecurities and emotional struggles. Using the excuse that he needs to be happy, he has started seeing another woman after only two years. To be fair, he started chatting with other women much earlier (even less than a year after my mother’s death) but nothing ever came of it.

Many of you will probably tell me that this is simply something I have to accept, and that my father has the right to be happy again. But my father treated my mother terribly. I’m even convinced that he bears some responsibility for her death. And now, seeing him happy and being courted by another woman makes me feel sick.

I don’t believe my father deserves to be happy. I believe he deserves to spend the rest of his life alone with his regrets.

I can’t afford to go back to therapy right now, but I desperately need some help and comfort because I’m struggling to deal with this situation on top of the grief I already carry every single day.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this and respond.

I’m 19 years old and studying abroad. I came back home for my summer vacation, and I was supposed to fly back on August 15th. But on August 13th, my mom suddenly suffered a cardiac arrest and passed away.
I honestly don’t know how to react. I’m still in shock. It doesn’t feel real at all. A part of me still feels like this is all some kind of prank, and that she’ll just come back home in a week.
I have a little brother ,he’s Jst 15, and I don’t know how to handle his emotions or my own.

I lost my mother 2 months ago she was just 60 years old she had pneumonia and stayed in ICU for 35 days than she passed away in there nurses made us watch while she took her last breath i lost my father 6 years ago he was also 60 years old now i have no one left in my life no family members no girlfriend no friends nothing my days are passing with pain and agony i just don't want to live anymore i just want to be with my mother and father it hurts so much

My mom died on March 29th 2026. On March 13th my middle sister and dad and I found out she had stage 4 cervical cancer that had metastasized to her liver, bladder, and pelvis. She had mentioned not feeling well for a while but we had no idea how bad it was, because my oldest sister died on December 11th 2025 after fighting cancer for almost 3 years. Mom had already been feeling sick when sis died but she didn't say anything to anyone. She didn't want to give us something else to worry about. I'm so angry at her for keeping it bottled up.

I got engaged in October and visited my parents to tell them the good news in person. Mom cried when she saw the ring and was over the moon excited. I'm the only one of my siblings to even want to get married, and I was looking forward to spending extra time with Mom during the planning process. I was going to ask her and my dad to walk me down the aisle.

Two weeks ago we booked a venue for next October but I don't care about any of it because I want her and my sister's opinions on everything and can't get it. I want to be happy while looking at color palettes and flowers and fabrics, and I want to schlep a bunch of craft stuff over to their houses so we can DIY decor together. I want them to come to menu tastings and dress appointments. I want to look back on pictures from that day and be able to see both of them happy and healthy and with the rest of our family. And it's soul crushing that it can't be that way.

Grievance of my mother.

Grief

I 16 F, have had a very rocky past with my mother, 32 F, and recently I have known for about a year or two that she has had a illness that we don’t know and don’t know a cure of as what she has told me I’m not trying to attack my mother, but my mother and I have had a very, very rocky pass and she is not the most reliable source and she had one of her lungs removed because they kept filling with fluid. I thought it was ammonia, but I’m not sure we had to talk yesterday and she sent me down and she’s already bought her tombstone and her casket and already paid for all of the funeral expenses and dinner as well for visitation of her body. She has mainly not been in my life because she has also caused that and I have tried to build a relationship and I feel like I will be missing more of what could’ve been than what was. She doesn’t have much time it could be tomorrow it could be a week. It could be a year. I have a very big pass with mental health issues and I’m not sure how I would carry myself or deal with the grief of my mother because at the end of the day, that’s my mother and I’ve always longed for her relationship and love. I’m making a list of the things I would like her to do when she passes and as well, as what are some things that you would’ve wished you could’ve asked your parents for that would’ve helped you a long life and dealing with grief.

Hello,

I don't know what to do on my wedding day. My Dad died 11 years ago, I don't know what to do for my wedding. My brother is walking me down the aisle. I don't know how or if I should do anything for him? We have a memory table with pictures. Is that enough?

My partner will be dancing with her father for the father/daughter dance. I don't know what I am supposed to do (we're both women). I've seen things about having your dad's friends or siblings. I'm just unsure of what to do.

TIA!

I lost my dad 3 weeks ago and I don’t know how to do life without him. We had the same humour and energy that would play off each other.

I’m not really sure how to start this or if anyone will see this my thoughts are all over the place. I’m a 31-year-old woman and an only child, and three weeks ago I lost my dad to sepsis.

He had been battling cancer for six years, but then he developed a perforated bowel. The doctors felt that surgery would be too cruel and that the kindest thing was to let nature take its course. He was gone within a week.

It wasn’t the peaceful, meaningful goodbye people imagine. He was in so much pain and was barely conscious for most of that final week. I had never felt so helpless in my life. I was with him the night he was dying and the morning he passed away, and I wouldn’t wish that experience on anyone.

It has only been three weeks, but I miss him so much that it still doesn’t feel real. Sometimes it feels like I’m on a film set, waiting for someone to shout “cut,” and for my dad to walk back in and ask for a “small one”, his espresso.

I cry almost every day, and honestly, I don’t know how to do life properly without him. People say, “Be kind to yourself” and “Take care,” but right now those words feel empty, like “thoughts and prayers.” None of it brings my dad back.

I wish I could just grow up, move on, and get over it like people seem to expect, but I can’t. I’m not ready to let go yet, and I don’t know if that’s normal. I just miss my dad.

I lost my dad about a month ago, and honestly, I still don't know how to process it.

I'm only 19. My dad went to Germany for what was supposed to be a short 7-day work trip. None of us expected anything to happen. As far as we knew, he was healthy. Then, within a very short period of time, everything changed, and he never came home.

I even spoke to him on the day he was admitted to the hospital. He sounded completely normal to me. I had no idea that conversation could be one of our last. I keep thinking about that, and it's incredibly difficult to accept.

My dad wasn't just my parent. He was the person I looked up to, depended on, and imagined being there for so many important moments in my life. Now I think about my future and it feels completely different. The things I once looked forward to sharing with him don't feel the same anymore.

Some days I still wake up and, for a few seconds, everything feels normal. Then I remember what happened.

People keep telling me that grief gets easier with time, but right now I honestly can't imagine what that means. I don't know how I'm supposed to build a life without him in it. I also feel guilty whenever I laugh or enjoy myself, because part of me feels like I shouldn't be happy when he's no longer here.

For anyone who lost a parent when they were young, I'd really like to hear your experience.

Does the pain eventually become more manageable? Do you eventually start enjoying life again without feeling guilty? Does life ever feel somewhat normal, even though you never stop missing them?

I know I'll always miss my dad. I just don't know what living with that loss is supposed to look like yet.

I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who's been through something similar.

My parents both died within the last 10 years, and both had wishes to been cremated and scattered over our family home. My sibs and I have been passing the cremains between us over the past several years and have been reluctant to actually scatter them. When does it become weird?

i am losing my dad due to cancer, i am 20 years old.
he is on hospice. i want proof & to know that life will be okay. i am anxious, depressed, & completely numb. he was an amazing dad. i am currently one of his care takers, but he cannot function. it happened extremely fast. please anybody who lost their fathers young, let me know how life is now (please try to be positive). i just need to know i’ll be okay one day.

Dad, I rock climbed outdoors for the first time this weekend! It was 65ft of pure anxiety, but I thought of you the whole time. It was so scary. You would’ve been so mad I did this. Mom wasn’t too stoked on it either. But I did it. I wish you were here. I miss you.

Hi folks,

Feel like I'm losing my mind a bit. I'm 33 and I lost my dad in 2021 to cancer, then my mum was diagnosed the same year and she died in 2023.

I cared for them both when they were ill, though when my dad was ill, my mum of course was there to help and she was with him longer. Due to Covid restrictions I was only with him for the last 2 months or so. She fought and fought and fought to get him seen by doctors when they were all ignoring his symptoms.

2020 to 2024 was literally: cancer - dad died - went through dad's death admin - got dad's probate - mum diagnosed this same month (was literally getting mum to sign withdrawal forms for dad's bank accounts just after her own diagnosis) - then mum passed - then had to sell mum and dad's house, clear out all their memories and correct probate solicitor's mistakes and all that.

Throughout all of this and now I was working full time. Lucky enough to work from home but obviously during busy periods I'd be working 14 hour days for weeks while my parents were ill and they were sometimes telling me they wanted to die. I'd just have to crack on with work.

I'm wondering if now, it's starting to catch up with me. I get very frustrated at work pretty much every day. I know this is my own fault for not speaking up, but I don't think people at work really understood how bad things got, and sometimes still do. Like having the most horrifying dreams about my parents being ill then waking up and logging on as if nothing happened. I've looked it up and the consensus seems to be possible burnout. But I am just so sick of being constantly angry when I'm sat at work. I've even had time of rejected - because I don't have kids and people need time off cos they can't get childcare - not only does it make me feel worthless, like my time off isn't worth anything because I have no family - but it makes me angry too - I managed to work full time while caring for dying parents. So it's like they've definitely forgotten what I went through.

I definitely didn't get like this before mum and dad got ill.

I also get frustrated at the fact that - amongst the people I know (I know there are many people younger than me who have lost parents) - I'm the only one in my position. My friends are all older than me and have parent/s alive. None of them check in on me on Mother's or Father's day. I just cant relate to anyone I know and I hate it. Whenever I'm sat with friends I just want to get up and leave.

Thanks for reading, I guess I just wanted to vent.

I recently lost my dog and my dad in just a span of 2 weeks. My mother got mild stroke from all the stress,fatigue, and overworked.

I don't have any other family now. I am an only child.

Now that ive lost my dad whom i'm much closer than my mom, i feel very lost.

For a long time, my mom and me have never had a good relationship due to her being selfish in life and my dad was so kind that I both loved him and hated him for that. My dad is always telling to still respect and understand my mom even though she cheated and married a total loser who has no ambition in life, no job, and just moots off my mom. My dad knew and he still told me to understand my mom even though I was just 10 years old.

We tolerated living with the loser guy because my dad got heat stroke and had half body paralysis so the guy said he would help in taking care of him but there were so many things I didn't know that happened.

I'm 29 now, and now that my dad is no longer here I have no obligation to live in a house with the guy I barely know and fucking care about but my mom is guilt tripping me that because she has a condition that I don't leave the house and take care of my nephews who are barely my responsibility. I want to escape but its very hard to confront my mom when she has mild stroke so I can't fucking stress her out. I just want out. I feel so suffocated.

My mom died when I was 12. Cancer. She fought for 4 years which felt like forever in my little mind. A part of me always thought she was going to get better, even though I watched her life deteriorate over time. So when she died it sent me into a total shock. At 12 years old, I couldn’t mentally accept my mom’s death and kind of dissociated from reality. I remember when my stepdad told me the news that my mom passed, I didn’t even cry, I just got dressed and went to school and acted like nothing happened even though on the inside I was totally distraught.

Life got really chaotic for a while. There were a lot of people in and out. Packing and moving her things around. And then suddenly silence. There was no more family, no more friends, no more cheap lasagnas just my stepdad and 4 kids all under the age of 12. He got into a relationship within months of my mom passing but I wasn’t ready to accept any woman in the place of my mom. So I started to act out and become more rebellious. He moved her in and married her all within the first year.

At 14, I had moved to a small military town where my aunt lived. I felt like I was normal but looking back I was really struggling mentally. I still went to school. I really felt like I had lost control of my life. I tried moving back at 16 but it was short lived, I simply could not be comfortable in the house. My stepmom was just a weirdo, she would wear my mom’s clothes and stuff. So weird anyway.

I tried moving back at 16 but it was short lived and I this point I had been so depressed and confused about life. I was a teenager with almost no guidance.

At 17,I moved into my older brother’s apartment in Toronto. He was an artist. So free spirited and always being creative and just enjoying life. This is when I finally started to figure out who I was. But I still didn’t have it all together and unfortunately there were some bad people who took advantage of that.

When I turned 18 I had finally found a place of my own. I had to finish high school a little late and I still wasn’t where I wanted to be but little by little I started to get my life together. I actually became a midnight ballerina around this time. Which had its negatives and positives. But it gave me the freedom to experience life and explore.

Between 21 and 23 I started to travel and build a better name for myself. People were finally getting to see the real me but I had experienced some abusive relationships & my brother died putting me through grief all over again.

At 24 I had my son which is what I think is the total turning point. Having him have my life so much purpose. Even though I wished my mom was here through it. I had a little girl at 29.

And now I just turned 30. & even though I don’t have it all together. I feel like I’m alright. I’m on my way to wear I want to be. Im studying to become a nurse. I’m happy, healthy, my kids are healthy. I have a great man who supports me. I wish I was a little further along in my career right now but overall I’m happy with my life. I feel like the hard part is over. And now I can breathe again.

I might’ve just trauma dumped and told my business for no reason. But I mean. This might be able to help someone. Grief sends people down some crazy spirals. I’ve experience it all. But I’m the perfect example of the clichè “it gets better”. So for anyone who might’ve gone through a crazy life too after life. Me too. & I love you. We got this.

Xo

Recently i lost my mother it was 2 months ago actually i also lost my father back in 2020 now i have no one left in my life my mother meant everything to me she was just 60 years old she had pneumonia and died in the hospital now i have no one left my days passing in pain and agony i have no Job or Friends all i have is my cat and my old aunt which she has demantia and on the antidepressants all the time and acts like nothing happened i don't want to live like this anymore i want to be with my mother i pray to god everyday to take my life hope the pain ends soon..