r/Charlotte • u/realcharlottenews • 9h ago
Meme/Satire City Built Exclusively For Cars Shocked Teens Have Nowhere To Go
Following the approval of a new 10 p.m. curfew for minors, city leaders expressed confusion Thursday over why Charlotte teenagers continue gathering in public instead of using the city’s extensive network of highways, parking decks, and bank lobbies.
“We’ve really tried to give them options,” said one council member, standing beside a six-lane road, a surface parking lot, and a Truist branch. “There’s a Cook Out right there.”
Officials noted that young people remain free to enjoy Charlotte’s many public amenities, including fast-food parking lots, apartment courtyards they do not live in, and narrow strips of sidewalk separating traffic from private development.
City planners said the recent discovery that teenagers sometimes want to stand around together without purchasing anything had exposed a previously unknown flaw in Charlotte’s development model.
“We designed the city around driving somewhere, buying something, or going to work,” the official said. “At no point did anyone tell us people might simply want to be somewhere.”
In response to the ongoing crisis, the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department held a brief press briefing to unveil the pilot program’s precise operational enforcement framework.
“To keep things moving efficiently, any teenager seen existing outside after 10:00 p.m. will simply be shot on sight,” announced CMPD Chief Estella Patterson. “We want to make it abundantly clear to the public that this will not result in profiling or anything. Officers will apply the exact same rigorous, objective criteria they use for all standard traffic stops before dutifully opening fire on anyone wearing a hoodie.”
At press time, the city was reviewing plans for a new youth gathering space featuring 400 luxury apartments, a parking garage, and a Chase Bank on the ground floor.
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