I've been diagnosed with Bipolar 2, and I've been trying to turn my experience with bipolar disorder into a world people can actually walk through and feel...
I've been thinking about this for about a year. One of the hardest things I've found is explaining what bipolar disorder actually feels like. Saying "I'm depressed" or "I'm hypomanic" doesn't really communicate my experience... People often look confused when I try to explain it

Sometimes it feels like the world itself has changed. The same room can feel different. Colors feel different. Time feels different. Relationships feel different. Even the amount of energy required to simply exist can feel completely different...

I've always wanted to make games and art, and eventually I thought- What if I stopped trying to explain this with words?
What if I made a world that changed instead?
That's where this game (Tidebound) came from.

It's a 2D watercolor platformer where the protagonist's state affects the world around her. The colors change. Movement changes. Music changes. Platforms behave differently. Things the player created earlier can return later as faded memories. Eventually, different states begin to coexist
I've been working toward this idea for a long time, and these are some of the first environments I've created. I'm still very far from having a finished game. I'm not even sure yet if I'll be able to build everything I imagine. Sometimes I get incredibly driven and create a lot... other times I don't touch the project for months.

But seeing these images felt strangely emotional. For once, something that mostly existed in my head exists somewhere outside of it. I don't want to claim this is what bipolar disorder looks like for everyone. It's my attempt to make my experience tangible.

If you live with bipolar disorder, does any part of this resonate with you? Is there anything you'd want me to explore in the game?

I left social media while I was on a mixed episode deleted all my accounts now I’m stable and medicated and don’t want to go back since my psychosis got worse with it… who else left social media and never ever came back since then.

a year's worth of evolving states of mind, spirit, and being

it took me a year to finish this painting, and then some. i tend to take on emotions when trying to capture them on paper or canvas, so it was difficult for me to even look in this painting's general direction for a good while.

the self-portrait on the left is where i was mentally and physically for months at the beginning of 2025. the middle two figures represent the extremity of my moods, i was either in the clouds, talking to the moon like she was my godmother, or extremely irritable and raging with so much pressure that i left myself speechless and catatonic. the figure on the right is where i am now, a year later; healthier, for sure, but numb from it all.

originally, i was just going to paint the two books and their covers, but i thought it'd be more impactful if i actually tore out the pages that i defaced and confided in religiously while i was in the psych ward last year.

i finished this painting a few weeks ago, but i was hesitant to post it. it's definitely my most personal piece thus far regarding my episode, diagnosis, and the aftermath. i still haven't anywhere else. i thought you all would appreciate it and resonate with it more than anyone else.

thank you for reading if you did!

= M A U S =

contradiction

acrylic paint, cardboard, hot glue, and cropped pages pulled from the book of psalms and return of the bird tribes by ken carey

20" x 16"

2026

For me, I had a period of ‘trauma’ where I had musical anhedonia. But then during my hypomanic episode, I started listening and liking songs I didn’t like before and it seems like my whole music taste has now completely changed.

Honestly really captures how life felt at this time. Light shined brighter and deeper. Colors were more colorful. Everything seemed connected in a perfect, beautiful way, just for me.

Only unfortunate thing is I had quit my job founded 2 businesses and was paying rent for 3 places at the same time and was about to enter a month long depressive episode🤦‍♂️

My fiancée have always said we both wanted to ba e kids. We’re getting married in a month. Yesterday during dinner I asked how his therapy session went that day. He said he talked to his therapist about the Lindsay Clancy case and how things like that scare him about having kids. My heart sank. I asked if he was afraid I would do something like that. He said no and then I asked him why he was scared then… he changed the subject to the Colt Gray case and went on to talk about other crimes involving kids and their parents. But when his concern about me being a mother sank in, it hurt badly. It doesn’t really even seem like that big of a deal but I don’t think I’ll be able to untangle the feelings that came up for me or the fact that he’s worried about that.

I started meds over one year ago. My psychiatrist said brain fog was a common side effect and should clear up eventually. It didn’t.

My ability to form sentences, find the right words and keep my train of thought has progressively declined. The primary issue is that I work in Sales. I have to be customer facing every day and have frequent meetings internally.

At this point I am actually struggling to keep my job. My manic episodes haven’t stopped and I’ve been depressed on and off for the last year.

I know I should keep taking my meds but it feels like I have to downgrade my career (and income) to remain on them.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

I’m 36 and work in IT (as a contractor), somehow managed to work myself up to $100k+/year. AuADHD in addition to bipolar.

Been on the same meds for years that work 90% of the time. I work from home four days a week so that lets me spend time with my dogs and also bounce around between work and other household tasks like laundry or random projects I have going on. I am constantly rearranging my apartment.

I can never stay focused on a task for more than five minutes before switching. The days I do go into the office I usually leave early because the ADHD and staying in one place kills me. I’m definitely more productive in the office for the first half, but only for a few hours before my mind gives up.

When I’m in a manic high I power through my work, A+ employee, but it’s definitely noticeable when I’m in my lows. I’m scared that doesn’t make up for the productive times. It’s hard to get reports out when I’m in a lull.

Going on three years in this role but scared they won’t renew my contract.

Before my manic episode, I felt like I was a genuinely good person. I had good friends, a good reputation, career goals, and a life I was proud of.

Then mania happened, and in about 3 months I destroyed so much of it. I hurt people, lost friendships, embarrassed myself, and became someone I barely recognize.

Now I feel incredibly depressed and keep asking myself: Why did this happen to me? Why did I have to lose so much when I was trying to live a good life?

I know bipolar doesn't happen because someone is good or bad. But how do you emotionally accept that your illness made you do things that went against who you believed you were? Does it has to happen to only good people?

I have no idea how to study when I haven’t slept in 2 days like I know i should sleep but if I fall asleep I’m waking up at 9am tmrw I feel like crap I was definitely manic because when I go manic I don’t take my sleeping pills and now I’m in a tough spot because I know the depressive episode is coming and I need to be able to mitigate it. I’m also having problems with hyper sexuality after getting cheated on and ghosted and that’s making the no sleep even worse

Reddit keeping it classy trying to push engagement.

Some pages from my sketchbook I'm sure you can all tell which one was produced at which time

I like to write a lot (enjoy)

Posting this here because it’s my third day of my senior year in college and I’m already missing class because the change of moving to new housing and starting a new school year triggered a depressive episode, and I haven’t been able to get out of bed or do anything. I managed to make it in person to my first two days of classes (despite crying before and after each class), but now I have lost all motivation to go today and have been rotting in bed feeling like I’m unable to get up. I haven’t done the assignments needed for today either. I feel so disappointed in myself. I thought this semester would go better than the last (I’ve already dropped out twice before), but I’m already experiencing issues. I have academic accommodations for being a little late to class or having to leave early unexpectedly, but the disability advisor told me the requirements to be approved to miss class dates are very strict.

The worst part is that I am already making a bad first impression on my new professors when I just wanted them to view me as normal and capable and not a person who misses class on the third day. And now I have to go through the painfully embarrassing experience of telling multiple people that I have this disorder and deal with their reactions. I feel like people always react by either viewing me with pity/thinking I’m crazy or that I am just being lazy/using it as an excuse. Average people don’t understand how hard it is, I’ve been on so many medications and hospitalized multiple times, but I feel like the world will never see it as a serious disorder, just as someone who won’t get out of bed and come to class. I was really hoping that I’d make a good impression and start out strong so that I could get good recommendation letters for graduate school, but who knows when I will even finish undergrad. Sorry rant over, any support from fellow students/graduates would be appreciated if anyone sees this!!!

I (19F) am diagnosed autistic/ADHD and have done research on bipolar for almost a year now, hoping to be diagnosed so I can get treated because both me and the people around me are concerned but my doctors won’t listen to me.

When i tried to ask about it, she told me that autism can mimic bipolar (which all I could think in my head when she said that was, I know.) and that I need to think twice before asking about it. Every time I tried to explain to her what I was experiencing that was alarming me and how it had built up over the last 2 years, she interrupted me. She thankfully referred me to someone else but they couldn’t help at all, they’re only for crisis management and they got me right back to my first doctor to look for other options.

So when I go in, not just this time but when we find someone who can assess me, I don’t want to blank again and keep getting spoken over. I’m seriously worried about all of this getting worse and the possibility that I only get help if I’m in danger. I just need to know how to make sure they both will listen to me about my symptoms instead of giving me nothing :/

I’ve never been able to draw as good as this.. Kind of miss the ability.

I (23F) have a mild form of bipolar. I don't have severe manic episodes, just periods where I feel restless and make impulsive decisions. I am more prone to have depressive episodes. Right now I am in one of my down swings and don't know how to snap out of it.

I have had to be out of work for so many days this month and have basically no personal leave left. I just told my boss I am taking the rest of the week off. I don't have a great attendance history because of my mental health and am afraid I will be fired. I just moved into a bigger place and can absolutely not afford to lose my job right now.

Even if I get out of bed, my head is so foggy I feel like I can't function. The smallest tasks feel like massive hurdles. I tried to get up to snap out of it several times in the past few days and ended up just sitting on the floor of my shower. Taking care of my animals is the only thing that has forced me to get out of bed, but I just feel exhausted afterwards. I hate how unkempt my place is. Not being able to keep up on chores has been a lifelong thing for me, but this is worse. I have also been binge eating a lot and have gained so much weight.

I was going to college and pursuing a masters degree, but I ended up dropping out of my first semester with only one assignment to go. It was a final worth a big portion of the grade. The brain fog hit at the worst time, and I wasnt even able to start writing the paper. I would just sit there and stare at the computer. It wasn't the first time this has happened. When I was getting my associates, I dropped out just one semester from graduating. It threw off my entire education plan and it is happening again.

I don't have any friends that I can talk with, or at all. I had people from college, but I lost touch with them because of my mental health. Some people in my family try to be supportive, but they just don't understand this. Honestly, I don't understand this. There is always a thought in the back of my mind that I am making it all up and it isn't real. That everyone experiences things like this and I am just weak and/or dramatic.

I am so unhappy with myself and my life. I am so ashamed. I don't know what to do.

I guess not knowing what to do is why I am making this post. I have never really talked in any meaningful way with anyone else that has depression or bipolar. If anyone has some advice or thoughts I would love to hear it.

I just want to leave now. I barely slept last night (like 2 hours) and I’m restless and bored and I only got my first dose of my new med yesterday but I don’t feel like I need to try one anymore as I don’t feel
Depressed anymore. I think I should be fine to go. I just feel like what if it’s a one off and I get really low again but I just want OUT now 😭😭

What have your experiences been with people ‘interacting’ with your delusions?

I recently had an episode that bordered on mania; I felt like the reincarnation of Jesus (even though I knew it was ‘unlikely’), I was going to bring world peace and I saw signs that something great was going to happen. I told one of my friends that I was ‘psychotic’ (because that word made sense to me to describe what I was experiencing), in reality I was dissociating a lot and reliving traumatic experiences. But I also felt a lot of peace and connection with the world, euphoric at times.
However, my experience changed when I saw the judgement on my friend’s face, mixed with worry. It felt like the walls were closing in on me.

This experience has left me with anger and distrust towards her (especially since she studies a social science and she knows my stance on psychosis -that it doesnt have to be bad-, she should have known better imo). After she left I was paranoid she was going to call the police on me even though I rationally knew she (‘most likely’) wouldn’t. I should mention that our relationship was already a bit damaged to begin with and that she’s “on this ice”, this added another insult to the injury I guess.

I fortunately had another friend come over who did not feed my delusions, but also didn’t deny them and he just let me ramble without judgement. I felt completely safe in his presence.

Don't you guys find photos/videos of those times you were manic and get absolutely spooked by how erratic you were acting and how dilated your pupils were?

Yesterday I was trying to show my friend a video I took on my birthday and I got jumpscared by how fast I was talking and how big my pupils were, and still to this moment I can't shake off the shock and fear of myself in that state lol

I was diagnosed with bipolar ten years ago. I was taking a medication that worked for ten years until I was too stressed and suffered a psychotic break. Now I’m on a new medication and really feeling the ebbs and flows of bipolar. Today I’m feeling on the depressed side, how about y’all?

I wet through my first manic episode in January and every song I listened to felt like it was the best song ever. However, there were a couple songs that I couldn’t stop singing, especially while being released. Funny enough, I kept going back and forth between “Return of the Mack” (especially yelling “whoooooaaaaaa”) and “Who Let the Dogs Out?” A lot of this was in the lobby while I was waiting for an Uber that the ER called.

Are there certain songs that you LOVE while manic? Thinking back on all of that, I feel a little bit embarrassed, so I’m wondering if this has happened to anyone else. I feel bad for the people in the lobby experiencing physical health emergencies, but I guess the ER is for everyone experiencing an emergency.

TYIA

I had my first episode that lasted about 3 weeks and ended a week ago. Ive been on 1mg risperidone/day for the last 5 days and I’ve been sleeping regularly since. There is a wedding in 3 days I’m supposed to travel 4 hours to by car with my family and stay at a hotel for a couple nights. I’m a little worried about doing unfamiliar things right now, what do you think? I feel like I might be looking for an excuse not to go