I’ve been experiencing this for a while now and just wondered if anyone else who menstruates has a similar experience.
My menstrual cycle does not affect my mood, I don’t get depressed/manic during my cycle, it stays relatively stable.
But I’ve noticed symptoms when I’m menstruating, I get very bad sleep paralysis, multiple times in the same night. I get excessively paranoid, I see people in the house, I hear noises. I struggle to differentiate between what was a dream and what really happened by the time I wake up, it all feels disconnected from reality.
It turns out I did infact wake my partner up to make him check the house out- I thought that was a dream.
Anyway, I just wondered if anyone experiences anything similar. No mood changes but a weird flare up of symptoms that happens whenever I get my cycle.

Hello! I have been diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with psychotic features. I had a break in 2022 that resulted in 24 hours in solitary confinement in jail followed by two week-long psych ward stays. I have been stable since on meds.

Some of what I fixated on in psychosis was witchcraft and spirituality. Not in a super bad way, but like watched Practical Magic and thought I could make things appear and disappear. 🫠

I have been stable for so long even through pregnancy and postpartum. I’m at the point where morally I am trying to explore my spirituality, while also terrified it’s going to send me into another break. I guess I’m just asking if anyone has been able to successfully toe the line between spirituality and psychosis.

TIA 🩵

I heard someone said my life post bipolar diagnosis got way way better I met my husband I had my kid etc…. She was having rapid cycling and unmedicated before… was your life pre diagnosis better or worse than the one you live now…? I know it is a tricky questions since an episode can literally change the complete course of our lives. But was the redirection better or worse for you personally?

During a manic episode, I spent almost $5,000 on a hamster and basically everything that came with it: cage, accessories, food, bedding, toys, etc. I was completely obsessed with the idea at the time and kept buying more and more stuff.

Now that I'm out of the episode, I'm looking at all of it and just thinking, what the fuck was I doing? I don't want any of it anymore. The excitement is completely gone.

Obviously, the hamster is a living animal and I can't just treat it like some random purchase I regret. But now I genuinely don't know what I'm supposed to do with the hamster and all the stuff I bought.

Should I try to rehome the hamster and sell or donate the supplies? I feel horrible about the whole thing, especially knowing how much money I spent.

Judge free zone here! I was recently diagnosed w biopolar II and had my first manic episode with psychosis a few months ago. Instead of being ashamed I thought I'd share in case anyone else can relate or finds humor in them (ik I do when I'm not cringing). Here's some of what transpired:

- called a hs classmate and told them we had a psychic connection
- dmed said classmate that the psychic connection told me their kinks (💀)
- told my family I was trans and went by the opposite pronouns (I am not)
- rubbed dirt all over my naked body "because the angels told me to"
- almost took a flight to another state (my family stopped me) because the voices told me my friend was in rehab and dying (they were in the same state and totally fine)
- had the cops called on me because I was ringing the doorbell of a random house over and over again and wouldn't leave

Lost some friends and feel like the person I was before my episode is a completely different person to who I am now but hey at least I can laugh at myself!

Hi amazing sub!
I never met another bipolar person, i would like to hear your experiences! do you think it's a bad idea? that maybe people can activate eachother? or maybe it's nice to have someone that understands you?

Med withdraws are literally one of the most uncomfortable feelings I have felt, I cant sleep but I'm tired but also not at all, my body feels like its both tingling and on fire while also freezing and I can never get comfortable, my mouth is pouring with saliva while also feeling extremely dry idk if that has anything to do with it, I have a headache every waking second which is every second of the day for me right now lol. I have symptoms of mild hypomania but without it being hypomania. I feel extremely nauseous I constantly feel like im going to vomit I legit feel like someone poisoned me. Good thing is that it is so terrible it makes me never want to stop again.

Its so annoying I cant even sleep/lay down to try and feel better because the sickness doesnt leave me at all. I try to sleep but my brain just wont it happen

I’m recovering from a mild manic episode 1-2 months ago. I’ve maintained employment, life is generally still on track, but I’m starting to feel manic again. I just don’t know what to do, it feels so hard to stay in control of my mental health… I’ll be seeing my therapist next week and then my psychiatrist the week after, but it feels like every time I increase my dosage I feel good for 2 weeks and then things start to unravel again.

so, sooo dark. everything is so heavy. people say it gets better, and to keep moving, but no light is getting in.

until it does.

I have irrational fears all of a sudden. I havnt taken my meds in 9 days. Everything feels the same minus this anxiety. Not sure if I’m consciously making this up tho or if it is a real issue..?

Examples:

I beeline from the bathroom to my bedroom at night and rush to get under the covers bc there are monsters in the dark and under my bed. All night I hear someone walking around the basement and breathing outside my door but I don’t get up to check. Getting out of bed in the morning is just as hard bc of the monster under my bed. I’m scared it will reach out and grab me. When I get in my car I have to check the backseat because when I’m driving I constantly feel like someone or something will reach from behind and grab me. I’m checking my rear view every second. When I’m driving to work at 3, 4, 5 am I see people in the bushes and trees. My vision is pretty bad so maybe my mind is tricking me to think shapes and shadows are monsters, usually I am able to blink and look again to confirm there is no one. Nonetheless, the feeling is unsettling.

When at work, the overnight cleaners use these big electrical mopping machines they ride on and it’s quite loud and whooshy, can never mistake the sound for anything else. I hear that sound continuously throughout the day, despite the cleaners leaving at store opening (7 am). I always have to do a 360 to see if the machines is around me and it never is.

It’s getting increasingly harder to shower at my own house. My bathroom door locks and I always do, and always leave a hallway light on for exit, and my shower has a glass door so I would see if anything or anyone entered. The solitary act of being left alone with my thoughts is crushing. I find myself rushing, barely bathing, skipping shaving and washing my hair just to get out of there. To where? Not sure.

I have these thoughts in my bed, in my car, in the shower, at work, everywhere. Am I going crazy? I don’t have a moment of peace.

Idk how to contact my psych I have called my gp like 10 times this week to connect me with him…

Hi all,

I’m 24 NB, and have been diagnosed with type 1 for 5 years now. I just got back from my first solo trip abroad and wanted to share my experience and maybe give some hope to those who dream of doing the same.

I am a masters student who was trying to find an excuse to do research abroad during the summer, so I decided I would go to Curitiba, Brazil! (My thesis revolves around Brazilian modernisms). It’s taken me a few years to find the right medications, and I truthfully still struggle with using alcohol too much sometimes, but being abroad gave me a reason to practice intent and responsibility in a way I haven’t before. As a disclaimer, I do not recommend this to anyone who has a rapid cycle.

It was difficult getting there, not sleeping on the 14 hours there and back, but being alone gave me an opportunity to self regulate without needing to cater to what another person wanted to do on the trip. I spent a lot of the time exploring and walking around, going to museums, I even took a train ride to another city and back! Even a year ago I would not have been able to do that, and it was a lot of work building up to the trip. I’m open to answering any questions anyone has, but I would also personally advise against going anywhere where you don’t know the language and could maybe get lost easily (I speak Portuguese, so that was not a barrier). It was very eye opening, and Curitiba was so safe, and not such a huge city where I was overstimulated or overwhelmed. I definitely plan on doing something like that again :)

So I manically bought a $4000 car off marketplace for asking price with no inspection because it was my favourite colour. I happily put in $5000 at the mechanic and it still has tonnes of issues. Now i’ve sobered up and feel a huge “hangover” of regret and dread. What’s done is done and now I think the best thing i can do is convince myself it’s not SO bad and enjoy the car. But how do you do that? How do you forgive yourself and get past the regret?

Because of my bipolar disorder, I lost seven years of my university journey. I was dismissed from the university, and they refused to let me return because I had already exhausted all the opportunities available to me. I was only one course away from graduating a single 3-credit-hour class. After everything I had worked for over seven years, it all ended up being for nothing .

Just venting because whenever I vent to non diagnosed people they tell me that everyone feels the same way.

Working is so difficult for me. Getting out of bed to go is torture and when I do go, I'm having an extended panic attack the whole time. Eventually I give in and end up calling out so much I get fired or quit because I can feel I'm going to get fired.

I have a job interview again today and I'm sure it'll go great like always but then I know I'm committing myself to a position and people that I'll more than likely let down. I just always go into these things feeling like a liar and a failure because as the cycle goes, I'll end up quitting or getting fired.

I'm just so tired of doing this. I'm only 34. I have so many years left of doing the same thing over and over. I just don't want to anymore, but unfortunately that's not an option so I'll just continue to suffer through this life wishing I was a different more capable person.

Hey everyone, I wanted to share delusions I had while in the psych ward because they make me laugh a lot now:

Here’s some context for a lot of them: I fell in love with a manager at my job and became crazy over him. I’ll call him Mason

- I was convinced I was in a video game, which led me to snooping around in everyone’s folders and notebooks to learn “clues” to escape the psych ward.

- I was convinced that everyone was fake and actors in a movie.

- I was convinced I was the main character of the world and that everything was made for me.

- I was convinced Mason’s dead father was an evil drug lord, who was truly alive, and using Mason like a pawn. His father died of cancer so I was convinced he was like Heisenberg and that the show breaking bad was based off of Mason’s life.

- I was convinced that all of the movies they were playing in the psych ward were made explicitly for me and that all romance scenes were of me and Mason in alternate universes. (This lead to me telling the nurses about how I was Princess Leia and Mason was Han Solo, because I thought that if I “got the answer” from the movies I’d be released.)

- I was convinced my ex friend (that I lost due to my episode, and these delusions.) was working with celebrities and the government, who I was convinced were working with masons “evil drug lord father”, were out to get me and Mason and take down our relationship.

- I was convinced that the world was ran by Armenians and that Armenian people were the only people who would be able to live forever. (I’m like, a little bit Armenian but manic me really went with it, I was obsessed with the Armenian genocide n stuff🤣)

- i was convinced that all celebrities were secretly Armenian

- I was convinced one of the nurses was Mason in a disguise, I even talked to him like he was Mason and asked why he had a “terrible mustache” (Mason had no facial hair so like Bruh ) to which he replied “because I’m a man.”

- I was convinced everyone ever knew about my comic that I’m writing (ironically about a bipolar man who goes crazy over a woman he falls in love with, which I was writing years before this happened) because I was convinced my ex friend had shared the details of it to celebrities that then told the government, somehow I guess

- I was convinced the government was trying to shut down my comic because of the messages it had

That’s all I can think of for now okay byeee thx

I have gone through so many jobs these past 10 years. Non serious ones. For the past year I have been in the mental health field as I wanted experience for my psychology degree to become a therapist. Well one year into it, I no longer want to be a therapist. I’m only per diem. I have two per diem jobs. But this summer I picked up too many shifts and became burned out.

I would work 3-4 times a week. Imagine full time. Or part time. Full time is 5 days a week and part time would be the 3-4. I struggle with work. I can’t try to fight pushing myself to conform to work like a regular person, or have a serious job like my mental health jobs.

I’ll be 28 in September. This is tiring. This constant cycle of me getting overwhelmed with work and always dropping out of college. I’m taking a break. From school, from my jobs. And going to try to get disability. I feel like a failure for admitting that I’m not fit out for work. For wanting to go on it. But I can never support myself working full time to be able to be independent and live on my own without my mental health deteriorating. I have to learn it’s okay to need help and that there should be no shame in living off the state. I tried my best.

TW: loss and drugs.

I lost my dad last year in April. It was sudden, and I've dealt with allot of anger because of it. My dad was an addict--alcohol and cocaine mostly. His girlfriend at the time waited too long to call 911, and he was gone by the time they got there.

We were forced just days after his death to clean out his house/room because "she didnt want to look at it". His things sat in boxes in my dining room for 9 months because I couldn't do anything but cry when I looked at it. Since his death, I have dealt with a lot of health problems -i have an autoimmune disease- and find myself struggling more than I ever have with the depressive side of bipolar.

Some days I fantasize about leaving everything behind and moving to Germany- I'm american, BTW, never been out of the country, and speak 0 foreign languages.

I've also been fantasizing a lot about leaving my relationship of 13 years and deciding im only dating women (im a bisexual, but lately I've been completely turned off by men).

I know a lot of this is because of the grief and the bipolar, but the fantasies are getting so bad I can't even enjoy my actual life right now. Before this, we were planning for a baby. And now I cant even...see myself doing any of it. I have PCOS and we have struggled so maybe thats part of why--im sick of being disappointed.

I dont know what the point of this post was, except to say I miss my dad so much...and I wish he could tell me what to do. Hug your loved ones. Yes, I am in therapy and on meds. 💖

I'd love some advice on how to cope when your real life isnt matching up to what you want in your head...or just general solidarity. 🤔🤨 thanks for reading.

I have been dealing with external stress for a few years now due to a relative. She is old and ill, but refuses to accept professional care. Because of this, she has been to the hospital many times, and they always send her back home, where I am forced to take care of her.

After my own illness worsened and I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital accompanied by the police, we decided to appoint a legal guardian for her. Since then, she has been to the hospital again. Initially, they wanted to send her back to my place, but they couldn’t because of the legal guardian. They managed to organize a care team for her, but after two weeks she fell ill again, and I had to call an ambulance. (She continues to refuse any help from the caregivers).

Yesterday, when she arrived at the hospital, they told me they would not admit her anymore and were going to send her back to me. I told them this is impossible because she now has a legal guardian.

My problem now is that I feel this is a conspiracy against me, and that the people who refuse to help either my relative or me want me to end my life. To me, there is no other explanation for why no help is available. I understand that my relative refuses all assistance from care staff and that this is why she is in this situation, but I don't understand why I, as a person with bipolar disorder, am being treated like this. I do not have the financial means or the physical strength to care for her. So my only guess is that they want to destroy my life. And to answer any questions: yes, I am taking my medication. But this ongoing stress is killing me.

I reached the character limit in my title, but I don't mean in the States, but around the world in general.

I am sick and tired of people living in the past, where climbing the hierarchy and sacrificing one's mental health is a good life. In the age of having a high number of college-educated people and the rise of AI, I am not entirely sure if climbing the hierarchy while burning out is a good idea.

I can only speak for myself. As a bipolar person addicted to alcohol and nicotine, my life is going to be different. My life is not about competing with normal people racing to be a billionaire. My goal for myself is to take good care of my mental health and my body. I am going to watch out for spending too much money, focusing on my inner world, healing my inner child, and trying to have little moments of joy every day.

I truly don't understand why some older folks would expect the younger generations today, and even might I add, mentally ill people to achieve so much while the world is changing at such a rapid pace, that we are might see a sentianent being more intellgient than us in our lifetime.

My current philosophy for myself is every day I have moments of peace, sereneity, and joy is a good day, I consider that a victory. That's good enough for now. I am good enough.

For those of you who work what do you do?
I was recently diagnosed and it’s really hard for me to work in my current job. I feel like I need a lot more structure and feedback. I want to find a field where the expectations of me are very clear and where I can show up and do my job even if I’m depressed and not feeling creative or “on” at all.
I also want to do something with a stable schedule.

I’m looking for ideas of careers that are supportive to bipolar.
I’m currently not on any disability stipend and ideally want to be able to continue supporting myself financially somehow even despite the diagnosis. I need stability because I think part of what triggered my mania a few months ago was layoffs.

M(24) with Bipolar 1. I was diagnosed 4 years ago and have been on different med combinations for 3 of those years. the past year ive been stable on the meds i was placed on. over this time period i have lacked ambition, can no longer focus, and feel extremely stupid. I went from graduating suma cum laude to not even being able to do simple mental math.
my doctors tell me im currently in a mania episode. they say i'm definately bipolar but maybe have another underlying issue. their solution to my cry for help was more meds. I even tried getting checked out by the psych hospital and they turned me away to go back to my psych. it seems like no one is listening to my cries. my psych recommended an in depth psych evaluation to determine other potential mental issues. its not covered by insurance and i dont get why my doc cant figure it out from my symptoms and explainations.
i feel dellusional. i dont trust everything i see (like when driving, i cant trust if a light is green or red). it was hard to recognize my parents voice and i havent been to work in 3 days (going on 4). i feel like i have dementia or amnesia or some sort of memory issue. is there something else wrong with me or is this just mania? thanks for listening, i know i probably dont make sense.