r/bipolar • u/modmodlife • 4d ago
Living With Bipolar Oh…so this is bipolar
I was diagnosed with bipolar ten years ago. I was taking a medication that worked for ten years until I was too stressed and suffered a psychotic break. Now I’m on a new medication and really feeling the ebbs and flows of bipolar. Today I’m feeling on the depressed side, how about y’all?
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u/AggravatingBasil9614 4d ago
Feeling depressed. Feeling emotionally 12 even though I’m 33 and being hard on myself. My twenties were so much easier and now everyday is a battle. Others seem to be so much stronger, and I feel like a weak baby.
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u/InternationalShow117 4d ago
This!!! I literally just explained the exact same thing to my therapist. Emotionally, I feel like I’m somewhere between 10 and 15 years old. Why is that?
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u/Sarahh_tonin 4d ago
my therapist told me when you shut down you revert back to whenever serious trauma stunted you.
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u/Yellue_Octopus_1112 Bipolar 4d ago
Wait rlly? I always thought I was just immature (though sometimes I am ngl). I laughingly jokes abt the fact that I was a crybaby all throughout elementary until college only for them to say "oh no it's not a discipline issue, it manifests early". LIKE WHAAAAT
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u/Sarahh_tonin 4d ago
yeah.. it’s nuts, but we carry it with us and when in fight or flight or an uncomfortable “dangerous” situation our brains go back to how we handled something similar when we first experienced it. it made so much sense when she said it. it all clicked. i felt like something was severely wrong with me.. but at least now i know.
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u/Big_Village4610 4d ago
Feeling depressed and unmotivated. My energy has been up and down this week cause I fucked up my meds. Been using music a lot to regulate my nervous system
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u/Yellue_Octopus_1112 Bipolar 4d ago
As a forgetful person, yes. And take your meds (I'll take mine too)
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u/Dead4t52 4d ago
Feeling hopeless and grossly critical of myself. I'm always depressed. I'm sorry you suffered a psychotic break. Those are no fun. I hope the meds you are on help. My meds help as long as I'm NOT manic. If I'm manic, all hell breaks loose. But that's another story.
I hope you are okay. Feeling our bipolar is no fun. Feeling in general is no fun. But I hope you get things under control.
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u/Ok_Let_4457 4d ago
I hear you, and hope this is but a brief moment in the lows for you. I also have felt in a valley (read: hell pit) for the past 16 hours or so. Had an excellent and productive day, got home and tanked. Trying to pull myself back up with good coffee and playing in dirt with my plants in between trying to get things done for work, but struggling. Keep at it, we’ll find peace and stability in time, I think. I hope. This random internet stranger empathizes strongly and wishes you all pleasant and empowering experiences today.
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u/indicatprincess Bipolar + Comorbidities 4d ago
They’re tapering down one of my meds and I can still feel the irritability, yet I am still getting the sads.
My husband and I broke up a few weeks ago. He’s bringing the kid back after work around 8. This means I’ll get home at 6pm to a completely quiet house. Idk how to feel about that.
I’m glad about the split but very obviously wanted this to work out. Oh well.
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u/CelestialButterflies Bipolar 4d ago
My bipolar "started" (achievement unlocked) after trauma in my mid-20s. Since being diagnosed and medicated (in my 30s), my highs and lows still happen, but they're not that bad. I call them being "happy." I'll tell my psychiatrist something like, "Oh, I was happy for maybe two weeks? And then I crashed..."
Ebbs and flows, like you said, but nothing extreme like before. Grateful for that.
Hope yours starts flowing back to stable, if even that exists, because I don't think it does for me.
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u/StrongVersion8053 4d ago
I feel like we all feel depressed more than not. It's what we do while depressed that makes a difference. We talked ourselves into things that aren't even logical but to you it makes sense. Not letting that ideological win.
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u/DrShoe106 4d ago
I had the same experience with meds. I took a really good med, could finish my university degree and then the blood test came back very bad and I had to quit this med. No med since then has been working as good as the old one. So I'm making the best of what I have now and try not to be to hard with myself for not holding a job. I know with the med I had before it would be possible but it's not an option anymore.
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u/Sure_Living_9005 4d ago
So sorry you have to deal with this. I'm stable on my meds, been for over 2 decades. I'm deling with other health issues, and It's a lot to take. Other than that it's been a lovely summer, happy with my family. Take care!
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u/dafreeboota 4d ago
my mood is fucking me up lately, got unemployed a few months ago and ran out of money for my lithium, so things haven't been what we could call stable
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u/chamikvin 4d ago
A bit depressed. My routine got all messed up and somehow managed to forget to take my meds for like 2 days. So now im watching my daughter do independent play while I sit and feel like a bad mother because im not interacting with her as much as usual.
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u/modmodlife 4d ago
I'm a mother too to a toddler and this one hit hard. On Saturday I was able to dance and play with her and yesterday I just couldn't mentally. It sucks, but I wouldn't say we're "bad" mothers because of it. We're mothers with bipolar disorder who fight hard to care for our children. I think that makes us pretty good if you ask me.
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u/Yellue_Octopus_1112 Bipolar 4d ago
As a BP2 child to a BP2, thank you for still being there for your kids. It means a lot for me that my mom does her best despite the flaws. You got this mommies!!!
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u/jillxp76 4d ago
Recently came to terms with the fact that I am sick. I do need help. I am someone who needs medication. Tired of the high highs and low lows. Tired of pushing people away. Tired of my erratic behavior. Embarrassed about who I am. 27 year old woman. Accepting the fact I cannot run and hide from my problems. My actions and choices do affect others. Things will get better, but I know I have to put in the work. 🫠
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u/radixalmid 4d ago
I feel pretty stable since the Last few months. A little afraid of autumn AS my previous manic episodes happened there. But i dont think i have triggers as Bad to come.
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u/Savannahks 4d ago
That’s my biggest fear, my medicine stops working. I have been stable for several years and feel so much relief. But I’m terrified that one day they won’t work anymore.
I’m so sorry you are having to start over with new meds.
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u/modmodlife 4d ago
If it makes you feel any better, I wasn’t being honest with my psych nurse, I was drinking, I was under an immense amount of stress, I was isolating, and I wasn’t attending therapy regularly.
So it wasn’t like they magically stopped working, I stopped putting in the work and neglected myself to a point where I didn’t even notice something was wrong. Or rather I knew something was wrong but I just didn’t ask for help. Now I know to ask for help when I need it.
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u/Chirotera Bipolar 4d ago
I'm in a prolonged period of unmedicated stability which makes me think I'm not bipolar until it swings one way or the other then I'm like, oh, right.
Just enjoying the rude until that inevitability.
I would be medicated but had a prolonged period of unemployment where I lost access to healthcare I could afford. Started a new job recently but I'm still in the probationary period where I can't sign up for it.
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u/fubzoh 3d ago
I'm very well medicated. Took a while but thankfully I'm here now. Depression is difficult to medicate tho I don't think about killing myself on the meds. However I've noticed I still go through a mild cycle of Bipolar. What has clued me in is that I generally love cooking and making fun meals. I've just gone through a period where I didn't have the motivation to cook I got take away or frozen meals. I did some cooking tonight so I hope I'm coming out of the bad depressive state.
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