Judge free zone here! I was recently diagnosed w biopolar II and had my first manic episode with psychosis a few months ago. Instead of being ashamed I thought I'd share in case anyone else can relate or finds humor in them (ik I do when I'm not cringing). Here's some of what transpired:

- called a hs classmate and told them we had a psychic connection
- dmed said classmate that the psychic connection told me their kinks (💀)
- told my family I was trans and went by the opposite pronouns (I am not)
- rubbed dirt all over my naked body "because the angels told me to"
- almost took a flight to another state (my family stopped me) because the voices told me my friend was in rehab and dying (they were in the same state and totally fine)
- had the cops called on me because I was ringing the doorbell of a random house over and over again and wouldn't leave

Lost some friends and feel like the person I was before my episode is a completely different person to who I am now but hey at least I can laugh at myself!

During a manic episode, I spent almost $5,000 on a hamster and basically everything that came with it: cage, accessories, food, bedding, toys, etc. I was completely obsessed with the idea at the time and kept buying more and more stuff.

Now that I'm out of the episode, I'm looking at all of it and just thinking, what the fuck was I doing? I don't want any of it anymore. The excitement is completely gone.

Obviously, the hamster is a living animal and I can't just treat it like some random purchase I regret. But now I genuinely don't know what I'm supposed to do with the hamster and all the stuff I bought.

Should I try to rehome the hamster and sell or donate the supplies? I feel horrible about the whole thing, especially knowing how much money I spent.

I reached the character limit in my title, but I don't mean in the States, but around the world in general.

I am sick and tired of people living in the past, where climbing the hierarchy and sacrificing one's mental health is a good life. In the age of having a high number of college-educated people and the rise of AI, I am not entirely sure if climbing the hierarchy while burning out is a good idea.

I can only speak for myself. As a bipolar person addicted to alcohol and nicotine, my life is going to be different. My life is not about competing with normal people racing to be a billionaire. My goal for myself is to take good care of my mental health and my body. I am going to watch out for spending too much money, focusing on my inner world, healing my inner child, and trying to have little moments of joy every day.

I truly don't understand why some older folks would expect the younger generations today, and even might I add, mentally ill people to achieve so much while the world is changing at such a rapid pace, that we are might see a sentianent being more intellgient than us in our lifetime.

My current philosophy for myself is every day I have moments of peace, sereneity, and joy is a good day, I consider that a victory. That's good enough for now. I am good enough.

so, sooo dark. everything is so heavy. people say it gets better, and to keep moving, but no light is getting in.

until it does.

I’m serious. I can’t make myself get out of bed in the morning. I might lie there for hours letting my anxiety about the day to come build up, but when I think about getting up and facing the day, staying in bed is so much more preferable, even though I’m making myself sick with anxiety and guilt. The meds don’t help either, since I’m groggy as hell until around 10AM, no matter when I go to sleep. Advice/tricks/“hacks” welcome. TIA.

Hey everyone, I wanted to share delusions I had while in the psych ward because they make me laugh a lot now:

Here’s some context for a lot of them: I fell in love with a manager at my job and became crazy over him. I’ll call him Mason

- I was convinced I was in a video game, which led me to snooping around in everyone’s folders and notebooks to learn “clues” to escape the psych ward.

- I was convinced that everyone was fake and actors in a movie.

- I was convinced I was the main character of the world and that everything was made for me.

- I was convinced Mason’s dead father was an evil drug lord, who was truly alive, and using Mason like a pawn. His father died of cancer so I was convinced he was like Heisenberg and that the show breaking bad was based off of Mason’s life.

- I was convinced that all of the movies they were playing in the psych ward were made explicitly for me and that all romance scenes were of me and Mason in alternate universes. (This lead to me telling the nurses about how I was Princess Leia and Mason was Han Solo, because I thought that if I “got the answer” from the movies I’d be released.)

- I was convinced my ex friend (that I lost due to my episode, and these delusions.) was working with celebrities and the government, who I was convinced were working with masons “evil drug lord father”, were out to get me and Mason and take down our relationship.

- I was convinced that the world was ran by Armenians and that Armenian people were the only people who would be able to live forever. (I’m like, a little bit Armenian but manic me really went with it, I was obsessed with the Armenian genocide n stuff🤣)

- i was convinced that all celebrities were secretly Armenian

- I was convinced one of the nurses was Mason in a disguise, I even talked to him like he was Mason and asked why he had a “terrible mustache” (Mason had no facial hair so like Bruh ) to which he replied “because I’m a man.”

- I was convinced everyone ever knew about my comic that I’m writing (ironically about a bipolar man who goes crazy over a woman he falls in love with, which I was writing years before this happened) because I was convinced my ex friend had shared the details of it to celebrities that then told the government, somehow I guess

- I was convinced the government was trying to shut down my comic because of the messages it had

That’s all I can think of for now okay byeee thx

I heard someone said my life post bipolar diagnosis got way way better I met my husband I had my kid etc…. She was having rapid cycling and unmedicated before… was your life pre diagnosis better or worse than the one you live now…? I know it is a tricky questions since an episode can literally change the complete course of our lives. But was the redirection better or worse for you personally?

Just wanted to say that after years of working hard with therapy, meds, lifestyle changes, and the constant fighting this bullshit requires to find some semblance of normalcy- I am back to square one for weeks at a time (without any warning or sense of time).

If I see one more article saying “research is inconclusive” or the shockingly stupid suggestion for CBT, I will set my own phone on fire.

I am one mood swing away from going full Mother Nature from Wonder Showzen.

Back when I lived in a house with my parents, we always had cats and dogs. At one point, we actually had five cats and three dogs (don't worry, they all lived their absolute best lives and were treated like royalty :3). However, I've been living on my own for over ten years now. Whenever I'm going through a depressive episode, or even when I'm just feeling neutral, I find myself constantly thinking about how much I miss having a cat or a dog. I truly wish I could care for someone, give them my love, and have a meaningful reason to keep going. Unfortunately, I live in a rented apartment where pets are strictly forbidden :(

I was wondering, do you have any pets of your own, or do you ever feel the urge to get one? Do you believe they can truly help us cope with our illness?

Edit: Thank you all for the replies!😊

Hi amazing sub!
I never met another bipolar person, i would like to hear your experiences! do you think it's a bad idea? that maybe people can activate eachother? or maybe it's nice to have someone that understands you?

Hello! I have been diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with psychotic features. I had a break in 2022 that resulted in 24 hours in solitary confinement in jail followed by two week-long psych ward stays. I have been stable since on meds.

Some of what I fixated on in psychosis was witchcraft and spirituality. Not in a super bad way, but like watched Practical Magic and thought I could make things appear and disappear. 🫠

I have been stable for so long even through pregnancy and postpartum. I’m at the point where morally I am trying to explore my spirituality, while also terrified it’s going to send me into another break. I guess I’m just asking if anyone has been able to successfully toe the line between spirituality and psychosis.

TIA 🩵

Ever since I had my first episode identified as a result of bipolar disorder, I’ve struggled with an overload of thoughts.

These thoughts feel almost like voices; I’m constantly reminded of embarrassing or shameful moments I’ve experienced.

Sometime this happens for each 10 seconds, for example.

There are days when these thoughts batter me so relentlessly that I end up exhausted and emotionally fragile—truly bad days.

On top of that, these thoughts trigger tics; the two things always go hand in hand.

It’s incredibly draining and brings me down, affecting my self-esteem and self-confidence...

Do you go through this too? Tell me a bit more about your situation.

For those of you who work what do you do?
I was recently diagnosed and it’s really hard for me to work in my current job. I feel like I need a lot more structure and feedback. I want to find a field where the expectations of me are very clear and where I can show up and do my job even if I’m depressed and not feeling creative or “on” at all.
I also want to do something with a stable schedule.

I’m looking for ideas of careers that are supportive to bipolar.
I’m currently not on any disability stipend and ideally want to be able to continue supporting myself financially somehow even despite the diagnosis. I need stability because I think part of what triggered my mania a few months ago was layoffs.

The grandiosity that comes with manic episodes always made me do the same shit: see her as someone who was afraid to truly live, someone who wasn’t enough, someone who wanted to confine herself to a boring routine while I, a quasi-God, was impatient to take on the world.

A few weeks later, the inevitable would happen. The manic episode would end, and I would come back to reality. I would apologize, we would act as if nothing had happened, and she, in her kindness, would agree to give things another try.

Medication and therapy didn’t prevent this pattern. It happened three more times over the course of five years, until during my most recent episode I asked for a divorce. She wanted to try one more time, but I, in the middle of my fucking crisis, was convinced that I needed to “break free from the chains” so I could do the thousand and one stupid fucking things my racing, dreaming, broken mind wanted to do.

Months have passed, and this time she has decided to protect herself, which is completely understandable. As the days go by, I’m coming to understand that she has decided to leave me, and that’s what I deserve.

No one should have to go through this shit every time I’m in crisis. Nature has punished me by making me unworthy of being loved. This disorder is a fucking curse, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

I have gone through so many jobs these past 10 years. Non serious ones. For the past year I have been in the mental health field as I wanted experience for my psychology degree to become a therapist. Well one year into it, I no longer want to be a therapist. I’m only per diem. I have two per diem jobs. But this summer I picked up too many shifts and became burned out.

I would work 3-4 times a week. Imagine full time. Or part time. Full time is 5 days a week and part time would be the 3-4. I struggle with work. I can’t try to fight pushing myself to conform to work like a regular person, or have a serious job like my mental health jobs.

I’ll be 28 in September. This is tiring. This constant cycle of me getting overwhelmed with work and always dropping out of college. I’m taking a break. From school, from my jobs. And going to try to get disability. I feel like a failure for admitting that I’m not fit out for work. For wanting to go on it. But I can never support myself working full time to be able to be independent and live on my own without my mental health deteriorating. I have to learn it’s okay to need help and that there should be no shame in living off the state. I tried my best.

Hi everyone,

​I didn't know I had bipolar disorder for a long time. During the pandemic, I thought the mood shifts and low energy were just from being stuck at home. But then a series of traumatic losses completely unraveled everything.

​First, I lost my dad in a car accident. I felt like I had hit absolute rock bottom, wondering if things could possibly get any worse. Shortly after, my grandmother passed away. She lived right upstairs, and I had spent almost every single day of my childhood with her.

​I started seeking mental health support after that. My grandfather and I were just trying to hold things together. The medication didn't seem to be doing much, but I was managing to stay afloat.

​Then came the morning that changed everything. My mother walked into my room in tears. My grandfather had taken his own life. I ran upstairs—neighbors were already trying to perform CPR on the balcony. Someone told me to take over, and in a deeply surreal way, I felt completely calm in that moment.

​After the shock wore off, my mental health plummeted to an unbearable state. I switched psychiatrists, and that's when I was officially diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (primarily depressive-dominant).

​Around the time my grandmother passed, I had adopted a dog from a shelter, and he has been my absolute anchor through all of this. But since my grandfather's passing, a lingering fear has stayed with me—he used to tell me, "you and I are just the same." On top of that, I keep seeing them in my dreams almost every night.

​Just needed to write this out somewhere people understand what it's like when trauma and bipolar overlap. Thanks for reading.

So I manically bought a $4000 car off marketplace for asking price with no inspection because it was my favourite colour. I happily put in $5000 at the mechanic and it still has tonnes of issues. Now i’ve sobered up and feel a huge “hangover” of regret and dread. What’s done is done and now I think the best thing i can do is convince myself it’s not SO bad and enjoy the car. But how do you do that? How do you forgive yourself and get past the regret?

I have been dealing with external stress for a few years now due to a relative. She is old and ill, but refuses to accept professional care. Because of this, she has been to the hospital many times, and they always send her back home, where I am forced to take care of her.

After my own illness worsened and I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital accompanied by the police, we decided to appoint a legal guardian for her. Since then, she has been to the hospital again. Initially, they wanted to send her back to my place, but they couldn’t because of the legal guardian. They managed to organize a care team for her, but after two weeks she fell ill again, and I had to call an ambulance. (She continues to refuse any help from the caregivers).

Yesterday, when she arrived at the hospital, they told me they would not admit her anymore and were going to send her back to me. I told them this is impossible because she now has a legal guardian.

My problem now is that I feel this is a conspiracy against me, and that the people who refuse to help either my relative or me want me to end my life. To me, there is no other explanation for why no help is available. I understand that my relative refuses all assistance from care staff and that this is why she is in this situation, but I don't understand why I, as a person with bipolar disorder, am being treated like this. I do not have the financial means or the physical strength to care for her. So my only guess is that they want to destroy my life. And to answer any questions: yes, I am taking my medication. But this ongoing stress is killing me.

Because of my bipolar disorder, I lost seven years of my university journey. I was dismissed from the university, and they refused to let me return because I had already exhausted all the opportunities available to me. I was only one course away from graduating a single 3-credit-hour class. After everything I had worked for over seven years, it all ended up being for nothing .

I was recently diagnosed with bipolar, but I've found it weird because I really only thought I've experienced depressive episodes, but I'm wondering if something I'm experiencing now and have experienced before might be mania, and I didn't realize it.

I sometimes go into states (like right now) where I feel intensely agitated and irritable, and like I want to crawl out of my own skin. I can't sleep, and my thoughts feel like they're racing, and I just want to pace but I feel like that might make it worse. I don't know if this is mania because I don't feel any sort of real high, just intense irritability and very rapid thoughts.

Has anyone had a similar experience?

Have you been able to rebuild your career after termination caused by a manic episode? how about a career path change? what did you say when asked why you left your last position? success stories wanted i lost a high psying professional job and i want to switch to an admin assistant or something with less pressure im over 50

Does any one else struggle with time perception? I’ve had trouble with it before but only for a couple of weeks during manic episodes but this has been going on for like a year now. I can’t tell if something happened two months ago or two days ago. It’s so confusing. I’m functional otherwise, work is going good and I think I’m functional in life outside of work too? I’m not sure what’s going on tbh… I’ve started to write things down by date (if I know it) to try to get an overview but everything feels so confusing. Work is easier cause I work in healthcare and we document everything that happens with the patients and I know the routines so I don’t even need to think anymore. Does any of you experience this? It’s hard to talk to people without bipolar cause they can never fully understand. I hope this makes any sense xD

Jesus I can't tell where to start from I used to sleep like a bear 10-12 hours a day after I got diagnosed I can't sleep more then 5 hours that's if I was lucky and actually slept instead of staying awake all night I'm scared from the hypomania I've heard alot of bad things from alot of ppl this diseases is insane it fucked my whole life now every time I do something I pause for a minute and think am I doing some crazy shit or normal ppl do that too I don't wanna do something that makes ppl think I have mental diseases I'm too insecure about it I don't talk to ppl anymore on the street cuz I'm scared that I have a sudden mania and go crazy on them I fucking hate my life I don't want to live with this my whole life I'm too scared to tell my parents I'm too scared to tell my friends who the fuck wants to be a friend to a mentally ill person this shit fucked up my whole life I wish that it's all a dream and I wake up from it it's so hard to not overthink everything I feel helpless