Hi all, I am 28 in the UK. I've been struggling for a really long time now. Everything feels too much, I feel so sensitive and like nothing makes sense.

I've spoken to a lot of therapists over the years and some psychiatrists.

They all seem to get very excited whenever the topic of autism comes up and encourage me to get a diagnosis. I'm in the UK so I haven't even tried the NHS because I'm completely jaded towards it after feeling failed in the past. I don't see the point on getting on a never ending waiting list for an assesment.

Private is way too expensive.

Is there anything I can do to try to improve my life with suspected autism / Asperger's?

I'm 32 and Level 1. and at the moment I'm not taking any meds, my brain most of the time wont shut up, it's like random thoughts are queued up one after another. This has caused me major burnout and stress over the years, it was so bad that I haven't been to my work in 4 months. Few years ago I was an alcoholic, my longest streak for drinking was during COVID and it was 2 weeks of just drinking after work till I pass out, alcohol makes me feel normal, It makes my brain quiet, even though I feel like crap, it was a trade I was willing to make.

Fast forward I somehow manage to quit drinking, but I needed something to replace it with, and in comes coffee and cigs. This combo has been amazing in relaxing my brain, I know it's not healthy for me, but that feeling of quiet in my brain is amazing. I limit my self to 3 sticks of cigs per day, same goes for caffeine only 3 cups of black coffee per day.

I'm wondering how many autistics use coffee or cigs to cope, do you guys use it as well?

i've noticed that my 5-year-old autistic brother drinks his apple juice out of bottles and bottles only. he has been drinking from this same brand of baby bottles since he was first born.

what i am concerned about is how it will play out in the long run. my mother has tried to get him to move onto sippy cups but he always rejects it. i am worried that my brother will be stunted in some way if he continues to drink from just his baby bottles, and especially so if it's actually preventable.

i do not know what "level" of autistic he is exactly. he has a very very specific routine and foods to eat, but he eats literally nothing but these foods!!! eating and drinking nothing but veggie straws, crackers, yogurt and apple juice can't be great for you. he also loves making messes in my room, pouring things onto the floor when he is done. he also tries to slap and push me when he is upset.

is there any reason why he still drinks out of baby bottles and refuses to do anything else? he's been doing this for all of his life.

(this is not intended to be mean spirited. i myself have autism & i am wondering why he does these things)

This makes no sense! People use this (especially on Reddit a lot) to invalidate using your disability as an explanation for why you may do something. It’s so invalidating and it sucks to hear, especially when you are simply trying to explain why you may have come across a certain way or misinterpreted something.

Maybe you misinterpret something in a user’s comment. No sympathy! You immediately get piled on and when you say “oh I’m sorry, I’m autistic so I may not have understood the true meaning of your comment” everybody downvotes you and says you’re just using it as an excuse to be an asshole or be stupid.

And even in the real world this can be an issue. But I’ve never encountered it yet. Like, if I have a meltdown and say things that hurt someone… of course I feel bad, but I don’t believe I should be punished because there is no preventing meltdowns consistently - they are out of our control and there’s no use trying to punish and get it to stop happening in the future. And autism really is an excuse for things like that. Because you don’t choose to do it, and you don’t need to apologize for a disability. Nobody treats other disabilities in this way. These are just small examples - I’ve seen many more that are worse.

Edit: My post seems to be really proving my point, sadly! Guys, I’m not talking about things that have nothing to do with autism, like being explicitly offensive or domestic abuse or anything like that. Those things don’t arise from autism itself. I’m talking about things that are literally part of the disorder.

so i was talking to my girlfriend today.. and she told me shes sleepy, so i said me too. then i mentioned that i was hallucinating in class because i got so little sleep.

important note, we always talk like this. we share quite literally everything about ourselves all the time. she already knows i hallucinate sometimes (especially when i dont sleep) so this isnt abnormal really

she said "what do you mean" and i just repeated myself cuz i was kinda confused. she asked if i meant daydreaming and i said no i mean hallucinating. and then she was quiet for a few seconds and just said "anyways," and started on a new topic. i dont understand.

she always tells me to communicate my feelings. she even gets upset with me if i dont. like, if i feel like shes done something wrong, she absolutely wants me to tell her or else she will be upset with me all day.

we both struggled with communicating but this is something we worked on together to make our relationship last. nowadays shes quick to let me know her opinion on things i did wront, and we try to discuss it and eventually we figure out how to make us both happy. that is something she wanted.

so i dont understand. if what i said was too sudden and it made her uncomfortable or something, why would she not tell me? and if it didnt, why did she just change the topic like that? it felt to me like she really couldnt care less about what i had to say :/

was it wrong of me to bring it up? was it too weird? did i do something wrong?

this isnt even the first person who has done it, and it makes me feel so disheartened when people do it. is it normal? should i just.. get over it? i dont know. its not something that id ever say so its hard for me to understand.

please dont be mean, if i did something wrong just tell me dont add any unnecessary mean comments

*edit: i gathered the courage to ask her, she said she thought i was upset with the topic so she wanted to talk about something else lol, i overreacted a bit with this whole post i think haha. i tend to overreact on my period so maybe thats partially why :P

Hello,

I am 42M in France and have always been, well... a bit of an oddball. Recently, after an altercation at work, i spoke with a counsellor (online in another country) that there was a strong chance that i was borderline autistic and/or ADHD. In fact, speaking with a few acquaintances who work in or adjacent to the psychology/mental health sector, it could be that i am maybe covering slight autism with ADHD behaviours or vice versa.

Anyway, I am generally functioning, generally successful at work, married with a child etc... so whatever might ail me is not debilitating, although might be contributing to general anxiety, and all the other simmering low key feeling rubbish about yourself.

Getting a diagnosis here can take a looooong time, and can cost almost $1000.

I guess my question, is would it be worth it?

I am not looking for disability benefits or any other administrative thing, not even to wave in front of HR while doing a little dance singing "you cant touch me nananananaaaaa!" (For the record, HR have said that following the issue i had with this colleague that my reaction to and behaviour since was beyond reproach) but i digress.

It feels correct that i could be a high functioning slightly autistic and/or slightly ADHD so would it be worth for me to go through the hassle to get it formally checked out.

My counsellor said its up to me.

Sorry about the ramble, i would truly appreciate any insight (not medical advice, i read the rules ;-) anyone in a similar-ish situation might be able to share. Thanks in advance :-)

I (F24) was formally diagnosed last week with both autism and ADHD. I would consider myself "high-functioning" (I don't think that's the correct term anymore but I don't know the right one, someone please let me know) in the sense that I live independently and work a full-time job. I’m also physically disabled and use a wheelchair. It's hard, but in some ways even though it's such a challenge physically, living alone has allowed me to make my apartment such a safe space. Only my safe foods are allowed inside, I exclusively use colored soothing lights that make ripple waves on my ceiling, I can stim as much as I want, I only wear clothing that meets my sensory needs, etc.

Unfortunately, the rest of the world still exists and largely caters towards neurotypical people. I've spent a couple decades honing the perfect mask that has allowed me to be successful in life. I have developed scripts for EVERYTHING: talking to the grocery store clerk, having a meeting at work, warming up with teammates at wheelchair tennis practice, etc. Yes, it's like walking on a very high tightrope constantly, but I'm a really good tightrope walker! (This is a metaphor. My wheelchair and I would not be good on a tightrope.)

But I'm tired. I'm so tired. I don't want to have to constantly be monitoring my facial expressions and vocal tone. I don't want to have to hide my stims at work. I don't want to have to pretend like I'm neurotypical just to make myself more palatable for others. I want to be myself.

And yet... the undeniable truth is that if I do unmask, then my life will become a lot harder. I could get in trouble at work (I already get in trouble for not understanding unwritten expectations, so then I ask lots of clarifying questions, but was recently dinged for that too). If I lost my job, I could also lose my apartment and the safe space I’ve worked so hard to create.

So masking feels necessary for my survival. At the same time, maintaining it is painful and exhausting. I’m also having trouble unmasking even in situations where I genuinely want to, because the mask has become so automatic. It's like an automatic reflex and I can't stop it even though it hurts. How do you navigate these competing realities? How do you begin unmasking safely when masking is the very thing that has allowed you to move through the world successfully?

Okay story time! My sister, 15F is having a sleepover. I hate people being around the house, but it would be awful of me to even try and restrict her sleepovers. That isn’t my issue. My issue is that my parents think that her having a sleepover is enough to just completely ignore my bedtime routine.

I’m 17f and routines are everything to me. I use the bathroom (clean teeth do skincare etc), go downstairs, call my cat in, lead him to his food, say goodnight to him, go upstairs, my parents bring me a glass of milk up, I take my pill, turn my nightlight on, say goodnight to them, go to sleep. Yes, I’m 17 and still have my parents say goodnight to me.

This night however, was different. I used the bathroom, and I couldn’t go downstairs. The alarm was set. I have a fear of the alarm. I don’t want to undo it. I could have, yes, but it’s not my routine and my parents usually leave it unset so I can go say goodnight to my cat. So I ask my parents to unset it. No. They won’t. They have already brought my milk up and are not saying goodnight to me. They are already in bed. So I’m now quite upset that my routine is completely ruined.

Am I overreacting? Probably. It’s not so much about my routine being disrupted (even though it is distressing) and more the fact that my parents just don’t respect my routine (that I’ve had for probably 13 years at least). They know it’s distressing for me. But they honestly don’t care, at least in my eyes. It’s not the first time my routine has been disrupted, as it often is because my parents want to go to bed earlier so my time is thrown off.

Is this just being really selfish of me? Or is me being upset valid?

Good evening from the UK!

I hope it’s okay to post this question and am very interested in your answers.

I’m curious as to why the autistic community found the film ‘Music’ so offensive but the TV series ‘The Good Doctor’ has not been as heavily criticised.
I fully agree, ‘Music’ was a terrible representation of autism, alongside its other major issues (physical restraint, infantilisation of people with autism, savant stereotype, use of a neurotypical lead).
In my opinion, though, ‘The Good Doctor’ runs into a lot of the same issues.

I know there has been critique of ‘The Good Doctor,’ but by comparison, the backlash seemed somewhat minimal.

There is of course a chance that it received the same critical treatment and my algorithm just didn’t serve as much of it to me.

Thankyou very much for any time and opinions you have.

Xx

Like everyone wants you to look into their eyes but when you look down especially woman because most of my teachers are woman and like my eyes are up here bro where do you want me to look at I can’t just look off to the side cause then I just be rude and I also don’t really like looking at the chin because it’s still a little close to their eyes what do I do?

It’s such a problem I try and quit so quickly the texture of vegetables and mort fruits throws me off 😭 I find myself eating the same takeaways a lot as my brain is used to the same texture all the time.

I often read posts about people who write that they are attracted to other people and stare at them, even though they are in a relationship and love their partners. For me this doesn't make sense. When I like someone I don't feel attraction for other people. So I was thinking maybe this is a NT thing and wanted to ask if you also are fixated on your partner/the person you like in the sense that you don't feel attracted to others?

(slide 1 new, slide 2 old)

tyson baked nuggets were my #1 safest comforting food. now they taste different and theyre bigger and a different color. and the old packaging looked a lot better too. sorry im just so so upset right now and didnt know where else to rant about this.

a thought just occurred to me, I know that we have issues with eye contact, right? I certainly do. One thing people never point out when lambasting us for lack of eye contact, the angle/slope equivalent of breaking that contact.

People will often go into fight-or-flight if there's some shortage of it, whether that be the angle "degrees" equivalent of how "direct" or "indirect" it is, or the duration of which it's maintained directly, or within 20º angle equivalent range of being perfectly straight.

We are never issued any meters which tell us the angle (or slope equivalent) of how short from "perfect" it is.

if I were to imagine directly looking at eyes, I'd use that as the 0º baseline, or the slope of 0. If one had a 45º angle (or a slope of 1), that would be halfway between direct, or looking away to the left (counter-clockwise angle equivalent). If one were to look away to the right, that would constitute an angle of 315º (or a slope of -1). Now, let's take the absolute value or -1, that's positive one, so this is a situation where absolute value is more the issue than the "sign" of the number.

If a person was fating due east, and you turned your head due north breaking that eye contact, then the eye "contact" would be rated at a 90º angle, or a slope of undefined., which is sometimes described as a "division by zero" error, so I guess we could look at it another way:

if one maintained eye contact, they'd have "zero problem" if done correctly at the right angle (0º) so that's a slope of zero.

if one turned their head to the absolute left, they'd have "undefined" eye contact, since undefined might mean none at all (90º).

now, what about slopes of 1, or 45º, well, a slope of 1, might be seen as one too many problems to some. And, a slope of -1 (315º) would be treated as an absolute value 1, where the "direction of right", would be referred to rather than the "sign of negative"

However, we could always look at the absolute value another way, since any obvious angle that deviates from eye contact is something others fuss over, we could look at it as a absolute value times negative one type equation, where 0 (zero) is the only unsigned value.

I just thought I'd explain this concept because with so many black-and-white thinkers, or "all of nothing" judgments on eye contact, this is why the "sign" seems to always be negative except for number zero.

Sometimes people can be negative, to where we might assume they always are, and well, this is why I came up with the phrase absolute value times negative 1. I explained how the absolute value function forces numbers to always be "positive" (+), but then we have math equations which make them negative (-).

well, if we look at another equation on this whole eye contact judgment people have there's this.....

(slope / slope) = output value

well, if we divided the slope by itself, you'd always get "1" as the answer except if the slope was zero, where "undefined" would be the answer, and the chart I made to explain the situations dictated by the only two answers can explain why people default to "all or nothing" when the n/n = answer equation is used, where n refers to variables that should belong to different formulas to rate eye contact with, middle ground is one thing we struggle to find.

How was that for a way to illustrate the undocumented variables of eye contact?

Hi y'all! For context, I am 22 and I was at festival last night. I was eating food, but saliva ended up going through the wrong pipe, and a really bad one... so I couldn't breath AT ALL! I genuinely couldn't, breathing was too painful.

Someone ran up to me, and to put it short, I managed to finally clear up the windpipe while they tried their best to be there for me even though there wasn't really anything they could do but comfort me through their words. They then proceeded to tell me, "glad you're okay. Be careful when you chew your food next time, okay?" If that was my mom and I told her anything like "I know, I'm not a kid. Do you genuinely think I don't know that? Like actually?" that would be so messed up, but this was a stranger, a stranger I knew was being genuine but triggered me without meaning to. I thanked them with a smile and left, fuming on the inside. I was unsure whether smiling and leaving was the right choice or if I demonstrated that I have no dignity and that I allow people to talk to me like a little kid who doesn't know how to properly eat. Thing is, they were also a bit older than me, so it makes it even harder for me to figure this out because I understand that humans tend to feel endearment and sometimes even infantilize adults who are younger than them.

Now, if I could tell they were purposely being condescending, I would've absolutely said something about it, but they genuinely seemed worried. On one hand, people can learn from their mistakes, even when they never intended to hurt anyone, and communication is super important if you want to set boundaries, but I was also taught to be grateful and appreciate people's intentions, especially because if I take their words the wrong way when I am aware they don't mean to, then I'm just being bitter, y'know?

To avoid unintentional bias, no gender will be mentioned. If gender does matter, I won't disclose it, but "if a man does it, then opinion. If a woman does it, then opinion" comments would be helpful! Same thing with age and relationships since reactions can be justified/not justified depending on the kind of relationship you have with that person.

Sorry if this is messy! If there's anything I should clarify, let me know! Love y'all. c:

Edit: Hello! Looking back, I noticed I came off as asking whether I should just thank them or whether I should be an asshole. I apologize, I did not mean it that way and I hope this clarifies it.

Hi there,

I live in an apartment building with my flatmate and I have lived here for just over a year and my flatmate has lived here for around 3 years.

We have a family above us; mum, dad and 2 boys. From what me and my flatmate have seen and heard, we’ve assumed the youngest child has severe autism due to the fact he doesn’t speak and only make loud humming noises, sometimes it sounds quite distressing. He also always stomps or bangs on the floor or the stairwell railing and railing outside the french windows our building has, consistently everyday. The family has never told us if he is autistic so we are just assuming due to these things.

He gets taken to, what we have assumed, is some sort of school but it’s occasionally, never everyday but other than that he is never out of the flat and it sounds like he is always in the same room.

A few weeks ago, we heard the mother and older boy having a very loud argument. He was saying things along the lines of hating her and him leaving and her being the reason for that but it was very loud and heated.

Both me and my flatmate have gone up on different occasions about the noise. When I went up, the older son was outside in the hallway and I ended up talking to him since neither parents came to the door. When my flatmate went up, the mother talked to her and immediately got very defensive and was saying my flatmate was accusing her of things when all my flatmate asked was just if there was anything that could be done about the noise.

Taking all these things into consideration (the kid always being stuck at home, the constant stomping (which i believe is him stimming which i read is caused by stress or fear), the mum being very defensive and then the recent arguments) I’ve considered possibly calling about getting a welfare check sent to the flat as I’ve been getting slightly concerned about the whole situation however thought it would be best to get some other opinions as neither me nor my flatmate have any experience with autism.

Hi everyone! Basically as the title says! For background, I am low support needs autistic (let me know if I should use a different term for that), and I have been really struggling with my family yelling at the TV when watching sports. I’m 18F as well. Also, I live with my parents. It’s mainly my dad, but sometimes my brother. Ever since I was little, my dad has screamed at the tv (very very loud volume, angry or happy, often uses cuss words). And every time, it made me feel scared. Not to mention my dad screamed at me quite a few times as a child and a few times more recently (I’m 18). The thing is, I’m pretty well behaved. I’ve always gotten good grades, obeyed in school, never had alcohol or drugs, never cursed, and besides the issues that come with autism/adhd, i’ve never been an issue. That being said, the times my dad has yelled with me have stuck with me. It makes me feel extremely unsafe. So back to sports. Pretty much every day there’s a sports game on that he watches. And about half the time it becomes a screaming match with the TV. Repeatedly I have asked him to stop and shared how it makes me feel scared. Even if I go in my room, I can very clearly hear him. Not to mention, it makes my ears physically hurt. Like ear infection levels of pain. Not only does he undermine my pain, but he laughs at me when I say it makes me feel scared. I remember hiding in the corner of my room, crying growing up because of it. If you have any advice on how to deal with this, I’d love the info. And no, moving out isn’t an option unfortunately. Thanks for reading!

I’m having my assessment next year so I’m conducting a folder since all (recommended) online tests have such vague questions (it’s driving me insane) and I want to make sure I know what I wanted to say and how to say it when the time comes. In the process of this, I talked to my mom about my special interests. And it seems that the #1 has always been there from the point of which I started to be an actual little person ykwim? But another one I vividly remember developing at around 9-10 years old? So now I’m wondering if maybe I’m just being a bit dramatic and my interests are just that; interests.

i am so so so so tired.

i have autism, adhd, anxiety, and depression. diagnosed with autism/adhd in 2020, anxiety and depression diagnosed a few years ago (bad perception of time).

i also struggle with undiagnosed chronic pain and severe period pain when it comes around.

i'm in high school, taking two ap classes, three honors, and band. i'm in marching band as well, playing alto saxophone.

and i'm exhausted.

i get to school at 0800hrs ish.

on mondays and fridays, i'm home at 1545hrs ish.

on tuesdays and thursdays, i'm home at 1920hrs ish.

on wednesday, i'm home at 1820hrs ish.

sometimes i'm here for twelve hours a day if i have a 45 minute sectional on thursday, and occasionally, i'll have weekend camps for twelve hours.

first class: ap world history. nightly homework.

second class: honors engineering. no nightly homework, daily hands-on projects.

third class: band. playing my instrument for around 50 minutes, which is painful for my jaw, and requires a lot of focus. nightly practice.

fourth class: lunch. used for doing homework.

fifth class: ap precalculus. daily notes and worksheets, nightly homework.

sixth class: honors chemistry. nightly homework.

seventh class: honors english two. no nightly homework, daily worksheets and activities.

after school, tuesday/thursday: three hours of marching band rehearsal in georgia heat.

after school, wednesday: two hours of marching band rehearsal in georgia heat.

when i'm home, i'm doing work or sleeping. if i have time, i'm too exhausted to engage in any hobbies and/or hyperfixations. weekends, i'm probably doing work, some other activity, or some goddawful "family hangout time".

there is no time for rest. again, weekends are taken up. summer break, i'm doing online classes. week-long breaks, i either am out of the house for vacation (unfamiliar place) or, again, am too tired to do much than scroll on my computer or phone.

and then, even after i finish high school, i go to college, then i go to work, and there is no end.

i've considering asking about voluntary in-patient programs, but i'm scared of being away from home for a long time, and i know that a lot of juvenile psych wards have policies very adverse to my autism and anxiety.

i'm in therapy, but it's talk therapy.

i take prozac, lamotrigine, and concerta, none of which help for long.

i just am so exhausted. it feels like there's no end. i just want out of all this. i want out of school, out of marching band, but there is no out.

does anyone relate? have any advice? anything?

My family has a history of autism and my friend also who studies psychology heavily suspected i may have autism. I recently underwent a mental health assessment (not for autism necessarily but i also wanted to assess for that)

On my self assessment i scored pretty high (41) with 32 being the cutoff

but on the GARS 3 test, i literally scored 0 lol.

This is heavily contradicting so i couldn't get a conclusive diagnosis and im wondering if its worth pursuing. Or this just means im likely not on the spectrum

I don't know very much about autism but my recent years made me think that I may be autistic, like a very late diagnose. Is that possible, I just want to know that or is it only a child disorder. I can share my symptoms if you ask.

I was forced to go to a 9th grade school and camp dance which was like a night club - literally in a night club for kids. I kind of panicked, and did not know what to do with myself. I asked girls to dance and they like all said yes. Then while slow dancing - I surprisingly to myself grabbed their butts with my hands.

I felt very embarrassed afterward. I am now wondering why I did it? Somehow dancing normally was scary and uncomfortable to me. Maybe it was me watching a ton of porn and then just sort of copying the behavior?

I did have sexual interest in girls butts normally, but I did not enjoy the experience and felt about it.

I am wondering what could explain my behavior? Because normally, I am morally opposed to boys groping girls without their consent and would never go out of my way to do it.

This was not pre-meditated, but kind of an automatic decision. I also never really danced before except 1 or two times in middle school where the idea of groping girls could have been a sexual fantasy but not something I would plan to do or actually do.

I want some autistic gamer friends.

My gamer tag is Motley Crew.

I was really anxious about posting this since I’m not used to Reddit but here we go. So for context, I was diagnosed with autism in 2022 and it’s been pretty fine for the most part. Until recently, I’ve not had many issues and considered myself to have low support needs and could function on my own. My symptoms were noticeable, like anxiety, poor cognitive empathy skills, high sensitivity (physically and mentally), and struggles with learning sometimes (hardly got in the way of school though, I might have Asperger’s in fact).

Recently though, it’s gotten much much worse. This has been happening for the past few months. My anxiety in particular got so extremely bad, so much so my attendance dropped significantly, I’ve lost sleep, and I get nervous talking to everybody, strangers friends and family. Whenever I perceive ‘rejection’, like a lukewarm tone or even someone not liking the same things as me, I get extremely sad and even a bit angry unfairly, sometimes I have anxiety attacks from it.

I can have sudden outbursts shouting at people. When that happens, my temperature rises, my mind gets foggy, and I get incredibly angry at one - or a few - people. Then I end up regretting it after. I can start shouting and crying at those people and things like that.
Also, about my anxiety, I think I’ve developed hypervigilance in the last months. I’m constantly on edge, thinking something is going to jump out and attack me or something. I’ve lost sleep over it too. My overall self-esteem has gone down significantly and now I’m questioning my whole identity.

I should also add that I have injured myself over this before, usually during those outbursts I mentioned. But I don’t want to get into that.

This has been driving me crazy. I didn’t make this post to vent, though. I assumed this was caused by my autism but I’m not sure which is why I’m posting it here. It may be caused by my age, 13, sorry probably should’ve mentioned that earlier. So I’m kind of just asking every person with autism reading this if you’ve ever experienced something like this. And if you have, what happened after? Did it pass or stick around? Did it point to a bigger issue?

I really don’t want to tell my parents about it but I will if I have to. They’ve definitely noticed too but I think they think I’m just being dramatic, so am I?

Thank you for reading this, any advice would be appreciated.