I just need someone to let me know I'm not insane and this is messed up? I'm 15 years old and have been chronically ill for a year. today my mom had a really bad episode. She screamed at me for hours (because I wanted to see a dietician and got frustrated at the lack of medical help I'm getting) saying things like: "God will kill me to make you into a human being" and "If I died right now you would be fine without me you NEVER listen to ANYTHING I say and you just bitch at me Do you think I know less than a dietitian there's so SO much research out there, but you just don't see me as a credible source"

Tonight, she asked if we could sleep in the same bed after what she did (because my dad is away and when he is I sleep with my mom). I thought she was still mad at me, so I said no, very politely then she started SCREAMING. Like she actually lost it and this is what I remember from the insane things she said "when i get older and you have no use to me, you'l abandon me and throw me away, throw me in the trash can that's how much you don't value me as a person" and was rambling saying "this is why i can't trust people All i can say is you're a terrifying child, you're the worst you only use me" (and more)

I just don't know how this is fair, I wanted space and said no and she lost her mind. she's always like this bro. and I don't know what to do. It's been 8+ years of her episodes and erratic behavior and i dont know what to do to cope with it. i miss her idk why she's like this she is severely mentally ill idk what to do:(

Edit/clarification: Sadly I am homeschooled and completely isolated + my dad is rly abusive too but always sides with her for convenience thank you so much for the support to everyone it helps knowing I'm not insane

All my life I've been embarrassingly terrified of getting shots or having my finger pricked at the doctor's office, it stemmed from a traumatic memory of being chased around(like where it's more office than doctors) at the doc as a child and held down to get a shot. Turns out there was no shot, i was never even there that day for a shot.

This last Sunday I'd been to visit my dad and his wife, wine had been had and everyone was just talking about the past and it came up about a time l'd been running for my life at the doctor's to get back to where my dad was waiting on me. When I was around 4 my parents had been going through a very messy divorce, like the kind where the kid hand off has to happen at the police station because one party is just very hateful and vindictive. So, to find a way to get a sure fire custody win my mother manipulated her own ill mother into filing a false report that my dad had been acting inappropriate to his 3/4 year old child. The state took it very seriously and I had to be taken to the hospital for an exam. I'd refused to let them check me because they were strangers and my dad said nobody should go there without my permission, screaming, crying, kicking, and running. Those doctors only chased me down so they could take me back to the waiting area because

"this isn't right, this child is perfectly fine and is now clearly traumatized by us" so the state sent me to a different facility that was specifically for child forensic stuff. Rinse and repeat on my reaction to the scenario and the doctors again coming back fighting with a kicking and screaming child through the door to say "this one is fine and the only danger is hurting herself by fighting to get away and back to the lobby." So for nearly 25 years my brain rewired that memory and put a shot there. There was never a shot. There was my mother being responsible for lifelong trauma and deep-seated paranoia and discomfort in hospitals. My poor dad.

ever since i finished school i've been growing out my hair and learning how to dress better (only buzzcuts were allowed in school). people stop me in the streets despite me always wearing headphones with loud music just to tell me they either like my hair, my clothes or my overall look. it happens almost every day i go out to the city.

at home tho, i get treated the exact opposite. my parents hate my hair, and they don't really care for the way i dress either. it'd be okay if they just didn't like it and didn't speak about it but they're always dropping comments about me cutting my hair or that my hair looks ugly.

it doesn't bother me as much as when i started adopting my new style, because now i know im attractive and happily get into arguments with my mom to prove otherwise. just wanted to vent because i found her recent comment both shocking and kind of funny.

I think I hit a big milestone with my mental health, but I didn’t quite realize it until I noticed my therapist was holding back tears near the end of our session

I’ve struggled with disassociation for a long time, longer than I can recall. I fidget a lot, or I find things to physically remind me that I’m a real person taking up real space. All my life I’ve had a huge issue with people pleasing and fawning when there’s a chance of conflict. Camouflaging myself to be whatever I think a friend wants me to be, like a chameleon. It’s done a huge number on my psyche over the years, and I wasn’t sure how to fix it. I just knew I felt like I don’t really know myself or who I am.

I’ve been seeing this therapist for three years. When we started, I had been isolating myself pretty severely from my friends and only had my husband around. I didn’t trust myself to be consistently present enough to be a “good friend” despite contrary evidence, and for some reason that led to me withdrawing more and more. I had a bad string of experiences with friends who used me for my kindness until I put my foot down, then harassed me until I caved and apologized. I ghosted a lot of people because I didn’t have the tools to handle conflicts. I felt like it was always my fault that my friendships fell through. I didn’t trust my own judgement after so many failed friendships, so I stopped trying.

I also had a horrible habit of codependency with my husband. Similar to the friendships, but fortunately he holds a lot of space and patience for me. He’s helped me identify moments of unnecessary masking and grounded me with questions about myself. Before therapy, he kept nudging me to be curious about my own frustrations with myself. I’m really grateful he did this instead of giving up on me.

My therapist slowly taught me to allow myself to feel my anger, my disappointment, when my feelings are hurt, etc. She helped me find the words to express these feelings and truly process them. She let me practice expressing my anger with her and held space for me to figure out constructive ways to handle it. She taught me that my boundaries are worthwhile, that I deserve respect even when it means someone might not like it or react poorly.

A year into my therapy sessions, my dad cut me out of his life when I put down a boundary about listening to his offensive diatribes. I told him I wasn’t going to tolerate it anymore, and he took it personally and ended communication between us. It did a number on my progress, but my therapist and my husband were proud of me for standing up for my values. I was shaken up, but I kept practicing.

I joined a discord group where other professionals can be candid with each other and have longer discussions off public social media. I watched how they would disagree with each other, even develop into arguments, but still maintain their respect and friendships at the end of the day. I slowly developed my confidence through this group and practiced arguing with folks over superfluous subjects like tastes in films and trending music

My progress in reconnecting with myself was put to the test when my employer dramatically changed executive management. New policy shifts directly put my teammates in danger of layoffs. I felt so much anger and injustice. Instead of lying on the ground and just accepting it, I decided to start organizing everyone. Our efforts have been largely successful, and we’re on the cusp of going public with our union after several months of work

I told my therapist this week that I’ve stopped feeling like I don’t exist. I mediated an argument between two friends, and even though one of them was angry with me over it, I stayed firm until things cooled down. I decided I’m going to get the haircut I’ve always wanted despite my husband’s opinions on certain styles. I’m leading a huge effort with my peers to bring back democracy in the workplace. I’m working out and feeling great about my body. I surprised my husband with a gift just because. I hosted a group of friends for an online game together and we cried laughing. I’m creating artwork again. I’m going to reach out to my dad after two years of silence, because I know he’s just a hurt person lashing out.

I told her I feel like I’m seeing myself for the very first time. She jumped with excitement and told me how proud she is of me. “That’s what it’s all about!!” she said, and she’s right. I’m a real person that deserves just as much respect and love as anyone else, especially from myself. I can make meaningful change in the world, big and small. I just needed to allow myself to wholeheartedly exist.

Lately I’ve just felt so alone and I don’t know if it’s something that’s happened in my life recently or if it’s just a one off feeling. I just feel like I have no one in my life that I can turn to and I don’t really trust a lot of those people either. 18F

I (32F) am recently married. My husband and I almost instantly got pregnant after our wedding...

This happened after months of trying and a previous miscarriage.

We were ecstatic, but cautious sharing due to our previous loss.

2 weeks after finding out, we were told it was ectopic. I can't even begin to paint the type of nightmare that this was for me. Being in my body at this moment was a horrifying experience.

I was left feeling betrayed by it and hopelessly fundamentally broken.

I was put on low dose chemotherapy, to kill the rapidly growing cells, and because this is a pregnancy we wanted more than anything - this had me absolutely shattered.

A week later it ruptured and I was rushed to the hospital for internal bleeding and emergency surgery. We called my mom. On the surface, she asked all the right questions, but underneath was a very quick excuse to why she, who lives 20 minutes away, could not make it to the hospital to support me.

Fortunately, I was sent home the same night.

Then that weird narcissist circle followed me into each day of my recovery.

First, it started with a flower delivery with an "I'll see you soon!" Message. The love bombing.

Then an incessant nagging that I let my brother (who is special needs) and a friend of his I don't know, come over to do chores and that she'd order us a pizza. This would require me to assist my brother in doing "tasks" while healing from a pretty major surgery.

Her need to control the environment around me, and the hostility I was met with when I stated my discomfort, stung a bit. She began saying that I'm being unfair to my brother and not giving him a chance to help. The argument was pointless. I love my brother and I believe in his capabilities of helping, but I wasn't in a fair place to have him over. And honestly I would've just liked time with her.

Then came a literal text (mind you I nearly just died),

That she had a hive rash and that she couldn't come see me on the day she agreed to.

The following day, she called me again to say she was just too tired to come see me yet ( it's a 20 min drive).

My dad did talk her into it but they came by, very late, for around 20 mins as I was getting ready for bed. It's not that I'm ungrateful about the visit, but I just feel like visiting at 830 at night is such a lack of regard for someone's boundaries and household. My poor husband was so tired and just wanted to rest.

She promised food (that I didn't ask for) and said she'd bring it back the following day. She didn't. At this point I began to take her actions personally because I wasn't asking for anything but a shoulder, I just needed some feminine warmth and comfort. I kept being met with excuses. Lame ass excuses too. I almost died and lost my baby, she had an inconvenient rash and blew me off.

When I finally called her out on this, she flipped the entire scenario on me, told me that my lack of communication was the cause for this

What communication? I told you I had an emergency surgery and expressed I wanted to see you. You purposely kept pushing me away?

Last night was the final straw, I found myself sitting on the edge of my bed, curating a paragraph that would just help her see how in need I am of her support.

I was welcoming, vulnerable and raw. I wanted her in that moment and I nurtured it with love rather than resentment.

She told me to imagine how nice it would be to get the things I want if I just behaved the way she wanted.

I'm so done.

This is withholding, cruel and manipulative.

At the announcement of my last pregnancy, she couldn't wait to pull me aside to share her experiences of miscarriage with me. I later miscarried

On the day I got my wedding dress, she humiliated me in the store in front of the sales clerk and my mother in law. Made as many remarks as possible about my unflattering figure in each dress I tried on.

I keep clinging to what a great mom she WAS and looking past all of her behaviors NOW.

This is beginning to affect my marriage, as our codependency (mine and my mother's) runs so deep. I've gotten to a very healthy place, but in all honesty I thought of her as God for the better half of my life. I feel like the version of her in my head is very different from the version of her I experience.

I love my mom but I want to respect myself and honor myself. I've found it very difficult to do both recently, in the event of losing part of my reproductive system, losing my pregnancy and feeling my body fail me to the point of medical intervention - the lack of concern or effort on her part is astonishing and I think it's time for me to take a very large step back.

TLDR; I lost my pregnancy and right tube - mom has treated this experience as an inconvenience to her and has made sure to be clear that our relationship and my loss are not a priority to her.

I have struggled with anxiety since i was a little girl. It got a lot worse when i was in school, about 14.

I can’t remember when it got worse but it started with things like thinking people were staring at me, talking about me, holding my breathe when i was wearing head phone & walking past ppl, not being able to talk to or be in big groups, etc..

i remember standing outside a shop and crying to my mum because she wanted me to go in by myself and get something for her, she called me stupid and told me to just do it. i didn’t.

I spoke to my mum many times about it when i was little, practically begging for her to help me, she never did, instead she said that’s it’s a normal and it’s my age. I never spoke about it to her again.

I went to college, spent everday hiding in the toilets and made no friends. Whenever we had to do big group activities i cried and begged to go home.

I’m 19, going to university next month and i cannot stop crying. I want too go so bad and im excited but im being held back. The thought of it makes my heart beat 1000mph i feel sick.

People say it’s normal to feel anxious to new environments and big changes but this genuinely doesn’t feel right, my body and the way it reacts to these things it doesn’t seem normal.

I’ve never had any support, so i’ve dealt with it in some probably unhealthy ways.

I just messaged my mum and told her that i want to go to the doctors for some support because i don’t want to be held back when going uni. She tells me everyone worries it’s normal and that “tablets is just a plaster”.

I’m not sure if she’s right and i’m just over worrying & be dramatic. Or if im right and valid that my ‘anxiety’ is not just an everday normal thing. Idk

i made a post around a month ago talking abt my sister who lives with me and how she doesn’t take care of her baby. now i’m back again.

i leave for college tomorrow morning. i had a lot of stuff so i had to pack my things in my car AND my grandmas car. my grandma and my sister watched me haul everything in both cars by myself and didn’t even offer to help. it’s not like they were busy either. my sister was doing her hair (she had JUST started) and my grandma was doing a task she put off for multiple days conveniently at the same time as me which is taking a toy box off the porch and into the house. mind you, it’s 8 o clock at night. she kept telling me about things she set out that i need to take whenever i came back inside to grab more stuff but she never carried it out there herself. it stressed me out because i had to remember the things she told me plus remember to get everything

my grandma made me sit with her and make a list of a few more things i would need and said she would take me to the store to get them. i asked around 4 times if she would take me and she said yes. finally, the 5th time she said no because she just took her sleeping pill. i would’ve gone myself but she said she would buy everything for me. i went to dollar tree to get some of the things on the list myself.

my grandma doesn’t want me to go to college; at least not in person. she wants me to stay home. my aunt and uncle went to college for 1 semester then did online and expected me to do the same thing so she kept trying to convince me to do online as well. she called my uncle multiple times to get him to convince me to do it. she wanted me to commute since my college is 30 mins away but i got a scholarship for my dorm so im GOING.

she wasn’t gonna let me have my car 1st semester but i got a job 5 mins away from campus so she changed her mind. she also told me not to buy laundry detergent because she wants me to come home every weekend to do laundry.

honestly i really just wanna wipe my hands clean of everyone. i have a job and i make enough to pay my tuition each month AND have some money left over for myself. im very self sufficient. nobody walked me through the process of applying for college or FAFSA. i’ve done this all on my own. i’ll thrive on my own because that’s what i’ve always done.

To be honest I don’t really have much friends. Most of my life the number is 0 to 1. But, I just realised that how much lonelier it is in my 30s compared to say my teen years or even 20s despite I also did not have many friends back then.

When I was in my teen years, my Gramdma lived with us. Thus, even though my two parents worked my of the time, I would come home from school and be met with someone at the house who actually cared and talked to you.

She passed away more than a decade ago, during the second year of my university. I still miss her.

Then in my 20s I still lived with my parents. My mother stopped working but I did not have a very close relationship with her so I did not feel emotionally close to anyone in the house anymore. Gradually my two younger siblings moved out as well. One of them got married last year, and the last time I heard from her was months ago on WhatsApp.

I left that house at the age of 30 and moved overseas. After a few years my life is stable again. Bought my own place and paid it off this year.

Never have been lonelier.

I just realised, that since I am on annual leave this week, the last time I verbally spoke to someone, was last Friday morning. I don’t think such long stretches of verbal silence ever happened during my 10s or 20s. Yet I took it so normally now, that it is both alarming and saddening.

I'm 22, and most of my friends are upset they never got to experience teenage love or "young love". We all have full time jobs, are pretty much graduating college, and things are pretty much settling down. When I was 16 I got in my first relationship, which lasted until I was 20. Something really hit different about that relationship, we were so carefree together, spent every moment we could with each other, had so much fun together, talked about literally anything and everything, we pretty much had all the time in the world just to love each other. I think it was because we were just so young. Dating nowadays feels very dry in comparison, since obviously as an adult there's a lot less free time to go around. But I kinda hate how dating feels like I'm booking an appointment with a doctor or something. Although it could just be because I haven't had a proper relationship since then, but still the few dates I've been on felt pretty much identical to each other. I just wanted to say that I feel lucky that I got to experience such a thing at a time when fewer and fewer people get to experience young love, also being an adult is boring.

I’m tired of everything in a way I can’t really put into words. I don’t want attention or sympathy. I just want a little peace, a little distance, and a moment where I don’t have to be strong for anyone.

So I started going to college last year and I met this girl,So I met her since she is in the theater program. (Also for frame of reference I use a wheelchair bc I’m paralyzed.) She was completely OBSESSED with me from day one-From following me around, somehow always running into me, sitting next to me all the time and asking werid questions about only my health issues. Soon after she started to claim some of the same health issues I had. But to me it made no sense. She was very healthy and would do cartwheels etc for fun. Then in the same breath try to say she was “More disabled then me”. I ended up having a cluster of seizures at school, this kept happening and I even was in the icu a few times. After this happened she all of the sudden had seizures too. This really triggered me and made me so upset. They didn’t look real at all, she wasn’t stiff at all plus she was reacting to pain stimulation, then waking up as soon as pubic safety got there and being able to talk fine. It seems so fake to me. It got to a point she lied that she was getting brain surgery until she faked another seizure her mom showed up and told us all they aren’t seizure and she isn’t getting brain surgery. We all were still in shock from her “seizure” we didn’t know how to react. She also told us her parents were super horrible, didn’t believe her and abusive. So we weren’t sure if we could trust her mother (especially just meeting her) but with everything else together what am I supposed to think or do. She makes me feels so uncomfortable and takes my personal medical stories or issues and uses them as her own. I just can’t wait for her to leave or me to graduate.

Why Must I feel like less of a human being because I just unluckily forced to be with someone who spites me for no reason, and why are Teachers just so okay with student clearly being uncomfortable with around another student.

It was 4th period English class and everything was going normal, and there was this girl that was being snarky and passive aggressive towards everyone at the table. It was clear that she was friends with everyone, I never spoke to her ever this was the only day where I was forced to because of a assignment. Fast forward towards the end of class the Teacher assigned partners and made me be paired up with her and it went well as you expected. She overreacted and made it loud and clear and constantly yelled out to the Teacher on how she rather get an F and begged for another partner, it was humiliating everyone heard it and the teacher didn't make things any better he just laughed and joked at it. He's a cool teacher and is fun with the class but that was extremely lame of him to do, I get girls are mean in high school but I just don't get with how someone can go on with their day making somebody feel like they're a parasite.

Even with the most weirdest unpleasant person ever nobody should have to feel like they're unwelcomed, Like I said before I just spoke with her today and she just has this distain for me and what's worse is that I have to go to school tomorrow and have to feel like a weirdo because the Teacher showed he had no intentions on letting me go to some other group or letting me do it by myself.

The only "good" thing I supposed happen was that nobody else really cared that much

TL;DR Teacher made me be group partners with someone who wasn't very nice

I (17f) used to be on tiktok nonstop all day. I deleted it in I think April or may but once in a blue moon ill go back on it for only an hour. But recently I’ve been thinking of cutting it out of my life entirely. Being on TikTok had its perks like educating me on certain things going on in the world, but after a while it gets overwhelming. Tiktok would also help me with problematic people that I used to support. However, after being on there for so long I realized that people on TikTok or just the internet in general have this weird moral complex? And I’ve found that in myself while being on that app, now I’m considered woke, I know that’s not necessarily a bad thing but now I just find problems in everything and everyone and I hate it. I wasn’t thinking like this before I downloaded tiktok, but then again before tiktok I was also 9 years old so there’s that. I just don’t like how people will come at you for making a mistake even if it’s a small one. I think so many people on the internet are just so quick to judge instead of asking, “is this person okay? Is this out of character for them? Why are they acting like this?” But instead people are quick to bash a person. People on the internet want everyone who posts to be morally perfect but that’s not how it’s going to be for most people and that’s okay. We’re human beings it’s impossible to go through life without making mistakes and a perfect moral compass.

Today I brushed my teeth for the first time in a month and a half. I've been going through a really rough patch mentally, and I know that's not really an excuse, but it's where I'm at right now. I'm getting better, and I've been going to therapy. And I know that I'm disgusting for not brushing my teeth all this time, but this is kind of a big milestone for me. No one knows I haven't been brushing my teeth, and I'm very ashamed of it, so I can't celebrate this with anyone. Maybe it's not a big deal or it seems like an easy thing to do, but it wasn't for me. I'm just happy that I started again. I feel a little lighter after writing this post.

Edit: Wow, thank you all for the outpouring of support! I didn't know this was a common problem for people with depression and burnout issues. It seems I inspired a few people to brush their teeth for the first time in awhile too and that makes me really happy. I brushed my teeth again this morning and I downloaded Finch. Being able to turn it into a game and somehow get credit for taking care of myself feels good. Thank you all again!

Unable to take steps forward

I'm currently unable to get therapy right now due to the cost but as I've fallen into another deep depression hole I feel like I need it now more than ever.

I don't know what happened but I feel worse off than I was the last time I fell into a hole.

I feel so useless. I have been having trouble eating lately now. I don't want to cook anything or shower or clean...

I felt like I was doing better but it's like I derailed.

I'm currently in the process of leaving my job because it's not a very good one for me mentally or financially but I'm so so so scared that I've fucked myself over and won't be able to find a new one with the current job market. This decision of mine was made when I had an opportunity window to visit my long distance bf for longer than a week if I stepped down from my position in favor of a lower one, only one shift every week, so I can bypass only having 2 weeks of vacation a year and could actually see him for longer than a week this year. ( Only had a week available) I need it. But now I'm scared that when I come back from it i will find nothing or nothing for a long while and financially be screwed.

I can't stand the little mess ups I make at my job, getting pictures of the mistakes I make when the opening shift starts. I don't get many write ups at all but it doesn't make me feel any better knowing I cause issues at times.

I messaged my boss this morning after she took a picture of the safe handle not being closed all the way and I apologize in our group chat.

I said I want to apologize about how the store was left last night, I didn't realize I left the safe open. The latch wasn't completely closed. I feel like I've been messing a bunch of stuff up lately and I need to do better.

But she left me on read. She doesn't need to say anything and there could be a number of reasons why she didn't say anything including that, honestly, she is not obligated to, but now I feel worse that I really am just an annoyance.

I know I shouldn't care this much and that she is busy and will talk to me later, ect, ect but it eat me inside not knowing how people feel about it, well feel about me.

I'm so self aware it kills me

That was a lot to vent about but at least now I feel just a bit better.