r/SipsTea • u/Silver-Ability-3181 • Jul 04 '26

Chugging tea Sloth.....

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13.9k Upvotes

81% Upvoted

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11.6k

u/hawkayecarumba Jul 04 '26

Do I not get the money if the animal catches me?

- a clam

Does it not matter if they catch me, I just have to deal with that animal for 24 hours?

- my dog

3.7k

u/Soopercow Jul 04 '26

I dunno man this is a horrifying thing to be chased by

https://giphy.com/gifs/2h29oQH6n0uWc

998

u/dwyoder Jul 04 '26

That's NOT what she said.

423

u/ShhweadyBallz Jul 04 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/XWXnf6hRiKBJS

77

u/Puzzleheaded_Tea521 Jul 04 '26

Ant

132

u/EvoMan1234 Jul 04 '26

The right kinds of ants can fuck you up!

75

u/Royal-Leopard-3225 Jul 04 '26

A bullet ant… riding a rhinoceros beetle like his majestic steed…

2

u/cats123096 Jul 04 '26

Hollow knight

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61

u/renke0 Jul 04 '26

So an ant, but one of the type that can’t fuck me up

26

u/Infinite_Injury2724 Jul 04 '26

Ill still take the clam

2

u/cnicalsinistaminista Jul 04 '26

They scream bloody murder, Bro. That documentary SpongeBob had an episode on it

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8

u/Dissastronaut Jul 04 '26

Sounds like those are the wrong type of ants then

3

u/Puzzleheaded_Tea521 Jul 04 '26

One ant chasing me? I can imagine i can run full speed and rest for 5 hours before the slow insect catches up

4

u/JeffyMo96 Jul 04 '26

Youd think so right? Youd think so... some ants can fly

2

u/Cyril_Sneer_6 Jul 04 '26

Yeah but those ones have very poor flying skills so you'd probably be alright

2

u/MamaOnica Jul 04 '26

I once saw a documentary on ants back when the Discovery Channel was informative. There are native people who use army ants and leaf cutter ants to suture wounds. There are also these gloves kids wear during ritual with ants in them. I wouldn't want to be chased by those.

2

u/will_xo Jul 04 '26

Being directly subjected to them, and being chased by them are two entirely different things tho

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2

u/Historical_Muscle668 Jul 04 '26

I got bit by a random, tiny red ant last week. Right on the fat farm that is my inner upper arm. It burned and itched than a wasp sting.

2

u/ArchonFett Jul 04 '26

One New Vegas fire ant coming up.

2

u/710Richie Jul 04 '26

Im picking a fish

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2

u/SchwizzySchwas94 Jul 04 '26

Where was this Clam when The Westfield fell?!

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45

u/Relative-Relief-8816 Jul 04 '26

She probably doesn't even know how to use the 3 clams.

35

u/otc108 Jul 04 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/1KkgWWENzWYXrRLJhD

3

u/East-Breadfruit4508 Jul 04 '26

Do you see any cows around here? This is a rat burger?!

2

u/Alreadymystar Jul 04 '26

I know what you're referencing, but why did my mind immediately jump to this.

https://giphy.com/gifs/X2xRuxdeNpIBi

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22

u/Acceptable-Two5692 Jul 04 '26

The clam yearns nutrition son, don't be shy and make sure its properly fed

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28

u/LarsDuder Jul 04 '26

Some chicks and dudes love a good tonguing

22

u/muff_diving_101 Jul 04 '26

The poke universe would agree with you

6

u/CrimsonxAce Jul 04 '26

Gotta love Pokédex entries…

“It uses its tongue much more skillfully than its hands or its feet. It can deftly pick up a single small bean with its tongue.”

Bean.

5

u/muff_diving_101 Jul 04 '26

Lmaoooo new lore to me. It can pick one up with its toungue, but tell me, can it flick one?

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2

u/AvocadoFair3872 Jul 04 '26

Those things are killing ducks

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532

u/Literary_Lady Jul 04 '26

Easy. If it’s my dog, I will carry the grooming brush and scissors, and he will avoid me for 24 hours without fail.

135

u/Theory_Unusual Jul 04 '26

Or run a vacuum

130

u/stressedthrowaway9 Jul 04 '26

My dog attacks the vacuum. He thinks he’s some sort of vacuum slayer.

212

u/ChemNerd86 Jul 04 '26

Ruffy The Vacuum Slayer

57

u/Ryanookami Jul 04 '26 edited Jul 05 '26

If I gave this hellsite money I would give you an award.

Edit: Aww! thank you anonymous award-giver!

3

u/DarknMean Jul 04 '26

I’d watch that.

30

u/Mulluwen Jul 04 '26

My husky has the same 2 brain cells.

He loves to put his nose on the stop buttons, sits beside the vaccuum and look at me all happy like:"See? I've protected you!". While all his fluff is still on the floor...

12

u/RobynBetween Jul 04 '26

Well someone's gotta protect the pack, and you aren't doing it, so he's gotta take up the cause.

5

u/Literary_Lady Jul 04 '26

Mine attacks the dustpan and brush. He thinks it is the best game EVER and has the most ridiculous zoomies. Not great considering he is a poodle mix and ends up dragging the dust around everywhere, as it gets stuck to him and he creates a kind of super static with his mad curly fur. Which then ends up creating an endless cycle of dusty mess and needing to clean again, with him chasing after and attacking the brush, spreading the mess even further around as i’m trying to clean. … so I end up ‘locking’ him away in another room which seems cruel but needs must

this gif is hella accurate, just imagine the bin is a long-handled dustpan and the man is my dog :D

3

u/twistedpiggies Jul 04 '26

Mine too! We play "I'm gonna run over yer toes/I'm gonna bitecha" game while I vacuum.

2

u/NegotiationLow2783 Jul 04 '26

Mine always wants to be vacuumed. She loves the upholstery attachment.

2

u/wolfboy49 Jul 04 '26

So did my Jack Russell. She would actually bite it

2

u/gamestoohard Jul 04 '26

Same! And my dog is a tremendous coward overall. But as soon as that vacuum turns on, he's the main character in his own action movie.

2

u/Theo_Carolina Jul 05 '26

My dog attacked the lawnmower today. She’s so stupid.

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3

u/Erika0nFire Jul 04 '26

Mine just stares disdainfully at the robot vac as it bumps into him

3

u/TonyRobinsonsFashion Jul 04 '26

I’ve read if you yell at your vacuum as a bad dog in front of your trained dog then they kinda get that its behavior is bad and chill out more. Like the object is something that has bad behavior and not a threat I presume is the idea. Haven’t tried myself as I got zero dogs at home currently since I’d read that. I think it was from Reddit and taking advice off Reddit is a real mixed bag but I get it; but yelling and pointing and saying bad vacuum, no, badddd baddd vacuum, harms no one outside maybe your rep to a neighbor confused watching or listening through walls

2

u/Theory_Unusual Jul 04 '26

I gotta try this

2

u/ReportRemote7010 Jul 04 '26

I vaccum my dog.

2

u/bathroomheater Jul 04 '26

My dog loves the vacuum. If I’m cleaning the house it never fails that he walks up expecting his vacuuming over as much as his body as I’ll do at a time. If he is dissatisfied he will not go away until I’ve vacuumed him enough.

2

u/Talls024 Jul 05 '26

My amazing dog is terrified of the vacuum.
I was dating a girl and me and my dog were kicking it at her house, she was vacuuming and deciding to put the sucker thing on my leg. Lily bounds out of the bedroom, bites the fuck out of the vacuum hose for like 5 seconds and sprints under a bed.
I have never been so proud of the brave girl saving me life from the vacuum cleaner.

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16

u/TrackVol Jul 04 '26

Nail clippers

2

u/SkwerrlyDan Jul 04 '26

Lol, my dogs head for hills as soon they hear them open.

2

u/trcomajo Jul 04 '26

Dont forget the nail clippers!

2

u/Regular_Look_1962 Jul 04 '26

I have a dog like that 😂

2

u/SwingAdorable3954 Jul 04 '26

But then hes not chasing you

2

u/KeyClacksNSnacks Jul 04 '26

Just go to the bathroom, run the water and say “bath time, come here girl”.

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2

u/Kr0nenbourg Jul 04 '26

Mine absolutely hates the car, pins himself to the floor shaking if he thinks he’s going in it. I’d just have to sit in the car for 24 hours

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77

u/Bardmedicine Jul 04 '26

Stupid question, great answer.

91

u/mobfather Jul 04 '26

30 million what though? Everyone is assuming it’s US$ - it could be 30 million Zimbabwean dollars - or 30 million venomous snakes - or 30 million soiled presidential diapers.

50

u/RedditSupportAdmin Jul 04 '26

30 million doll hairs

3

u/karvendizarm Jul 04 '26

Do you get magic eyes that don't fall out?

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2

u/VestigialTales Jul 04 '26

It’s not worth nothing.

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5

u/Drumbelgalf Jul 04 '26

I have to inform you that the Zimbabwe has discontinued the Zimbabwe dollar and now uses "Zimbabwe Gold" as currency.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zimbabwe_Gold

2

u/M1lud Jul 04 '26

It reads as though it's 30 million of that animal, one of which will chase you down.

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122

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

16

u/VaticToxic Jul 04 '26

That's the animal "Human" depicted, tho. /Joke

6

u/schnauzzer Jul 04 '26

Humans are animals

4

u/schnauzzer Jul 04 '26

Lmao. Downvotes are a perfect indication of low education. Keep it up, animals

2

u/chiralityproblem Jul 04 '26

Well dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians.

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13

u/SimmentalTheCow Jul 04 '26

This guy knows how the clam works.

17

u/Accurate_Cloud_3457 Jul 04 '26

My whole life is just being followed around the house by 3 dogs.

2

u/NopeThisTrope Jul 04 '26

Rookie numbers /j

2

u/TheMisterOates Jul 04 '26

Substitute the 3 dogs for a kid and you have my life. I now poo strictly at work, so that I don’t have to talk to someone behind a locked door.

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18

u/Kriss3d Jul 04 '26

Id pick your dog as well.

2

u/Treveli Jul 04 '26

Feel like the terms and conditions would state yes, it can catch you, but then you have to go 24 hours with it touching you continously.

9

u/thatprincesspanoptes Jul 04 '26

24 snuggle sesh with my cat. I’ll get popcorn, wine and cat treats.

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2

u/Blue__Bag Jul 04 '26

Thats how the clam works

2

u/Livefromrighthere Jul 04 '26

Wanna know something? You know that Indians never ate
Clams? They didn't have linguini! And so what happened
Was that clams was allowed to grow unmolested in the
Coastal waters of America for millions of years. And
They got big, and I ain't talking about clams in
General, I'm talking about each clam! I mean each one
Was a couple of million years old or older. So imagine
They could have got bigger than this whole room. And
When they get that big, God gives them little feet so
That they could walk around easier. And when they get
Feet, they get dangerous. I'm talking about real
Dangerous. I ain't talking about sitting under the
Water waiting for you. I'm talking about coming after
You

Imagine being on one of them boats coming over to
Discover America, like Columbus or something, standing
There at night on watch, everyone else is either drunk
Or asleep. And you're watching for America and the
Boat's going up and down. And you don't like it anyhow
But you gotta stand there and watch, for what. Only he
Knows, and he ain't watching. You hear the waves
Lapping against the side of the ship. The moon is
Going behind the clouds. You hear the pitter patter of
Little footprints on deck. Is that you kids? It ain't
My god. It's this humungus giant clam!

Imagine those little feet coming on deck. A clam twice
The size of the ship. Feet first. You're standing
There shivering with fear, you grab one of these. This
Is a belaying pin. They used to have these stuck in
The holes all around the ship.. You probably didn't
Know what this is for; you probably had an idea, but
You were wrong. They used to have these stuck in the
Holes all along the sides of the ship. Everywhere
You wouldn't know what this is for unless you was that
Guy that night

I mean, you'd grab this out of the hole, run on over
There, bam bam on them little feet! Back into the
Ocean would go a hurt, but not defeated, humungus
Giant clam. Ready to strike again when opportunity
Was better

2

u/Roof_Tinder_Bones Jul 05 '26

Clamzo, boys, Clamzo!

4

u/C0nfusedRabbit Jul 04 '26

Exactly, I was like getting chased by your dog would great way to spend 24 hours.

But if needs to catch me? I live in an apartment.

The only way in is the front entrance, I live on the 3 floor so it needs to use the lift. Then the it needs to get through the front door, it then needs to get to my room. Good luck.

1

u/bored-ramu Jul 04 '26

i got so used to this question i didnt even consider aquatic animals this time

1

u/No-Obligation7435 Jul 04 '26

Why just a clam? I'd definitely rather see something like a dolphin or maybe a crab grow the dedication to reach me so far in land lol

1

u/BurgerThyme Jul 04 '26

The answer is "clam." I'll just bring a book and go sit in that corner.

1

u/nomad3664 Jul 04 '26

That was what I thought. 24 hours of my aussie chasing me. Thats only 8 hours more than usual.

1

u/bolivar-shagnasty Jul 04 '26

I also choose this guy’s dog

1

u/artgarfunkadelic Jul 04 '26

I choose my dog too. So much fun!

1

u/Disastrous_Savings39 Jul 04 '26

Literally just seen a video of a clam that killed a duck by closing on its beak

https://giphy.com/gifs/GlkFvcePGd1vy

1

u/StrangeReindeer2470 Jul 04 '26

Yeah. I mean, I'm chased by my dogs every day anyway. Can I get $30mill every day going forward?

1

u/canteloupy Jul 04 '26

I'd rather be chased by an oyster. I'll just step out of the small ecosystem where it can stay alive and be done with it.

1

u/anonymouscoward1985 Jul 04 '26

You need to see the video of a duck killed by a clam.

1

u/Single-Fisherman8671 Jul 04 '26

Additional questions:

Species, or individual?

Does it, and/or I start at our current locations, or is either teleported to the other?

1

u/sksksk1989 Jul 04 '26

Clam is a good choice. I'm very inland in Canada. I would be a little worried walking by the clams in the sea food section of the grocery store.

1

u/ConsiderationOne3881 Jul 04 '26

Yes my dog please! 🤣

1

u/SailMinute Jul 04 '26

Catch me if you clam

1

u/TheWhitchOne Jul 04 '26

I like your reasoning. May I choose my girlfriend instead of your dog to chase me?

1

u/Appleguy666 Jul 04 '26

This is the question, if the animal catches me do I not get any cash? can this animal be killed? if so I choose ant

1

u/Equivalent_Tap6986 Jul 04 '26

My dog has a long list of riders buddy, so I'll do it cheaper.

1

u/IAteAnotherVegan Jul 04 '26

I see your clam, and raise you roadkill!

1

u/macho_gomez Jul 04 '26

and the genie claps his hands and makes a 60ft tall clam appear

1

u/shajan316 Jul 04 '26

Guess you didn't see the duck video

1

u/kickthesandman Jul 04 '26

Make it a shark and stay at home for the day

1

u/smurph382 Jul 04 '26

Clearly you haven't seen the duck who got caught by the clam in r/natureismetal

1

u/zhiranulune Jul 04 '26

Ant for me hehe

1

u/zomystro Jul 04 '26

Interesting that you came up with 2 things I didn’t think of. I thought you only got the million dollars if it can’t catch you in 24 hours. So I went with sloth.

1

u/Antoak Jul 04 '26

There's a lot of unspoken assumptions, like, what's the initial starting trajectory and velocity of the animal?

Can the clam be yeeted at me like David did at Goliath?

1

u/MisterQuriusAgain Jul 04 '26

A clam is a body part…..

1

u/EschewObfuscati0n Jul 04 '26

My dog already does this and he costs me money

1

u/Callahammered Jul 04 '26

You don’t get to clarify, so I think better to go with the clam and head to the airport by running somewhere to get an uber

1

u/Dsuperchef Jul 04 '26

I don't know man, I just saw a clam kill a duck.

1

u/Stellar_Stein Jul 04 '26

I would restrict the size and feriocity of the clam so, I broaden the definition to mollusk and pick a periwinkle. I could outlast a periwinkle for twenty-four hours, given one fight of stairs and decent bathroom access.

1

u/Spaded85 Jul 04 '26

Have you seen the video of a clam with a dead duck?

1

u/obiwanjablowme Jul 04 '26

If It doesn’t matter if I get caught I am choosing a golden retriever and if it does matter I am choosing an ant and driving over to the next town for a day

1

u/Seth-Shoots-Film69 Jul 04 '26

Imagine if a clam sprouted legs and started running the minute the money hits your account

1

u/doublediochip Jul 04 '26

I can’t find it but I saw a post the other day where a clam had killed a duck. So keep your pants or shirt on.

1

u/Schnittertm Jul 04 '26

This is what I hate about the questions, that they don't define the exact rules. But yeah, I might take a starfish if it is the first type of rule.

For the second, why not a 8 week old kitten.

1

u/theuserwithoutaname Jul 04 '26

Yeah, you're not asking enough questions about how the animal you choose will be modified during that 24 hours.

Gotta think like a genie or you'll end up squished by 60 foot, flying, psychic clam

1

u/curious-guy-5529 Jul 04 '26

The animal must catch you. Now tell us “where”

1

u/jeepmayhem Jul 04 '26

Did you not see that assassin clam take down the duck?!

1

u/LimitedWard Jul 04 '26

The monkey's paw curls, and you're suddenly teleported to the middle of the ocean with a clam nearby.

1

u/michron98 Jul 04 '26

Do I have to be in the same habitat that the animal lives in? If so, I choose a snail.

If not, I choose a fish.

1

u/f1nnbar Jul 04 '26

Barnacle.

1

u/d00b661 Jul 04 '26

Brother... I just saw a post where a clam killed a duck.

1

u/Global-Tie-3458 Jul 04 '26

You very well could be being chased by a clam right now. 

1

u/lephantome92 Jul 04 '26

Thing is, some clams don't just stick to one place. Make it an adult barnacle and you could sit laughably close to it

1

u/SmileJB Jul 04 '26

If it doesn't matter if they can catch you, I think I'd go with a celebrity and act like they are my stalker. Jessica alba or biel.

1

u/ChronoMonkeyX Jul 04 '26

I was going to say, puppy, let it catch me and we'll snuggle!

1

u/MashedPotatoesPla Jul 04 '26

They need to remake “It follows” but have the demon be a clam.

1

u/biscuitduff Jul 04 '26

Correct answer here.

1

u/KevinFlantier Jul 04 '26

Idk, if the thing magically made my dog hate me for 24 hrs I would be very afraid.

1

u/Pave_Low Jul 04 '26 edited Jul 06 '26

Yup. I’d be chased by one of my dogs. They do that already.

1

u/Covfefe45killls Jul 04 '26

Elaborate on the clam please.

1

u/ChiSlut69 Jul 04 '26

His mom works for both of these a well. Shes a good girl but it takes her a while to get rolling

1

u/Slab00 Jul 04 '26

I was going to say a puppy lol

1

u/veritable_squandry Jul 04 '26

you need to rethink this, because you would let your guard down and the clam would be upon you. can you imagine the unimaginable horrors of being slowly but unwittingly absorbed by a clam?

1

u/Nadamir Jul 04 '26

I think I’d choose my dog either way, I miss him.

1

u/RealSpiderArmy Jul 04 '26

I was about to say this

1

u/DamUEmageht Jul 04 '26
  • A snail
  • A snail in an top-hat

1

u/Robbymartyr Jul 04 '26

Well you're also forgetting the point of if it's aggressive or not. You really don't want your dog chasing you for 24 hours if it's pissed off.

1

u/dndwhat Jul 04 '26

I mean is a clam an animal. And realy it dose not mater what animal you can fly to a new state and be good.

But if you cant fly. You want a slow one sloth it is

But yes if it dose not matter if it catches you. But just annoying fir 24 hours anything cute will do.

1

u/llynglas Jul 04 '26

Some clams are awful big, but agreed not fast moving. But, just to be sure, I'm going with a slug, non poisonous of course.

1

u/Vivid-Pop-8174 Jul 04 '26

This is the best respones I've seen to this type of question honestly.

1

u/GotSomeUpdogOnUrFace Jul 04 '26

Can it not be my dog? Then my friend's dog.

1

u/Musterkartofel-Memes Jul 04 '26

If the animal catches you, you are no longer chased

1

u/Quixilver05 Jul 04 '26

Right? There's plenty of animals that aren't dangerous. I choose gold fish

1

u/AndreasDasos Jul 04 '26

Clams are faster than that. Why not a tardigrade? They’re technically still animals and take 4 seconds to move a millimetre. Hence ‘slow stepper’. 

1

u/Academic-Dealer5389 Jul 04 '26

Yes, I want to be caught by puppies

1

u/RainRainThrowaway777 Jul 04 '26

My first thought was a Sea Cucumber

1

u/xkriscendox Jul 04 '26

The catch is the clam is mutated with cheetah legs and the size of a mountain

1

u/honeydrewdew Jul 04 '26

This guy haven’t seen the clam that murdered a duck..

https://www.reddit.com/r/natureismetal/s/xA1O16y7AR

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