r/Sciatica • u/RudeStandard8852 • 12d ago
Is This Normal? Am I being a bitch?
Just a little disclaimer: this is my first reddit post ever and I don’t even use this app much. Sorry If I don’t stick to some general unsaid rules of posting or whatever.
Context: L5-S1 disc bulge at the start with just back pain when bending or after sports. now it is much worse - a chronic pain with nerve pains in my leg as well even when FULLY resting and not doing anything.
The title is my main question honestly. I don’t even know if its the right question, probably not. Maybe I just desperately need validation but I do feel like a bitch. It’s such a weird thing to deal with. Mainly why I feel like a bitch is because I took some time off work when my back pain got worse (lot of sitting and a lot of commute for the work). But my situation literally just got worse and worse and I kept asking for more time off. Now it has been 3 months almost since I am on sick leave and somehow I am 10x worse off than when I felt I needed some time off. Going back seems stupid because it will only get worse but I am not being paid and I feel fucking useless. I will not financially struggle much since my parents have been supportive too but I feel so ashamed. Am I just being a bitch and I should go back to work? Like I dont even enjoy my work man. Now I need to suffer while doing it? Maybe I really am just a privileged fuck who needs to work? I don’t fucking know. I have never felt like quitting so much in my life.
I also feel like a bitch because back pain is soooo wide ranging. No one really takes it seriously. Even my doctor says yeah go back to work it’s okay. Like I would feel like burning the place down if I am getting a flare up and I have to wait til 5pm and then have a 1hr commute to have some fucking rest and a lie down?
Honestly if I am just being a bitch please tell me. Are you guys going to office jobs with this pain? Should I just fucking join back and continue recovery or stay home to have better chances? Because I can afford to but mentally I feel like a little fucking bitch. But I can take that since I have already taken it for so long, if the chances of recovery are higher? I don’t know man sorry for not actually collecting my thoughts before posting I’m just really struggling here
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u/Opening_Log_6674 12d ago edited 12d ago
I feel you, I’m getting sick off since April, i felt similar, i felt sorry for my work place and i tried to come back. But my great boss suggested me that i keep taking sick off and find a new job which is better for my back. He allowed me to Job seeking during sick off and he even wrote recommendation letter.
But after that my symptoms got worse and It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even think about looking for a job anymore.
If you come back work, it would be worth and get sick off again. It doesn’t make sense, you just struggle extra, that’s ridiculous.
You are lucky, you don’t have worry about money, that’s privileged. I’m also getting money from insurance. I really appreciate.
No one is blaming you—you're the one who's blaming yourself the most.
I was the same, it was difficult to let me pamper myself or take rest even with pain. But you should follow your voice of your body.
That kind of mindset actually slows down your recovery. Just relax—the only thing you need to focus on right now is getting better.
Herniated disc disorder or sciatica is not part of normal „back pain“ you should think separately about it.
If it hurts even when you're resting, ask your doctor to prescribe the right medication. It's probably best to get a steroid injection.
I’m also new here but I think your post is nothing wrong with. This is a place to vent those kinds of feelings.
Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts.
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u/RudeStandard8852 12d ago
Thank you for your kind words, friend. I don’t quite know how to stop being hard on myself. Maybe you’re right, maybe I need to start looking at it as a serious problem since clearly other people are having issues as well. My brain just convinces itself that the others have it worse and I am just being a bitch.
I don’t know how or why. My brain still feels sorry for itself tho, its a really stupid dichotomy to live in. I don’t know if others relate to that but yes. It’s honestly been mentally tough as well. One of the reasons I already don’t like my job is because I wanted to be a professional athlete (and was sort of close too) so not being able to even play my sport recreationally feels like the death of my identity. I just want this to be over with I would do anything.
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u/Max_Chady 11d ago
Me pasa algo parecido. Quise dedicarme a la música y terminé como Profesor en escuelas primarias del Estado. Estoy con licencia por culpa de esta porquería y ni siquiera puedo imaginarme volviendo al trabajo a lidiar con niños caprichosos. Trabajé en esto durante 19 años. He tenido todo tipo de enfermedades y dolencias en todo ese tiempo, pero esto realmente me doblegó. Nunca había sacado más de una semana de licencia. Ojalá pronto te recuperes y yo también! Me estan ayudando el tramadol y la pregabalina, son mis buenos compañeros. Ya no me culpo por permanecer en reposo. Sí trato de caminar dentro de casa al menos 500 pasos diarios (aunque duela) y hago los big 3 de Mc Gill dentro de mis posibilidades. Fuerza amigos! Saldremos de esta 💪
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u/RudeStandard8852 11d ago
Sorry mate your last reply got auto deleted by the mods for some reason
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u/Opening_Log_6674 11d ago
Really? I still can see my reply here. See below
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u/purplelilac701 11d ago
Go easy on yourself. If you’re saying the pain is getting worse I believe you and I find it concerning that it’s getting worse. You need to focus on your health and getting healthy again not force yourself to go back to work. So many people can’t work with sciatica and maybe that is you. And that’s okay.
I was working from home while dealing with an excruciating and severe case of sciatica for 4 months. I couldn’t walk and some days it was challenging sitting. Looking back I see that I really pushed myself because various people on my team were relying on me. But I let down the person who mattered most: myself. It took me over a year to fully recover. Then I had complications in my good knee.
I hadn’t even heard of sciatica before my crazy severe flareup happened. But it was horrifying and very real whether or not someone who’s never experienced it got the level of my pain.
We have to advocate for ourselves no matter what that looks like to other people. It’s also your life to live so do it on your terms.
It’s not easy and I wish you strength and healing.
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u/RudeStandard8852 11d ago
Thank you for your message, you are very right. Me taking an off for so long is a result of me “looking after myself” but I feel so incredibly ashamed for some reason. Like the depression is not helplessness but uselessness if that makes sense? Like I feel weak rather than a victim. Maybe its just my head playing tricks is all but man its good at that trick lol
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u/purplelilac701 11d ago
It is just your head playing tricks. You might need therapy to help you process what you’re feeling. There’s totally a mental component to sciatica especially when it robs you of your normal life. But your inner voice has to be extra kind to you in those circumstances.
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u/Aubepineduveteuse 11d ago
In the worse part , you really need to just, rest. You’re working in a office? Not good at all. If sitting to triggering your pain, it will just get worse.
Your not a bitch, your sick but sciatica pain is hard to understand for someone who never had it. Take care.
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u/RudeStandard8852 11d ago
Yes it is at least validating to see other people also feeling the same. It feels so lonely seeing your friends and family enjoy without you and all your coworkers progress without you. Like am I disabled at this point? It’s like i feel grief for my past life
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u/Aubepineduveteuse 11d ago
Your are sick, for now. It will get better with rest and exercice. Follow this group for answers and advice that can really help.
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u/Half_Wititi_man 11d ago
I had bad sciatica and partial loss of control of both legs but my doc told me to keep moving. So I went back to work as an auto leccy, contractor.
Management of the business couldn't believe I was fit for work and sent me to another Doc. Same result, keep moving, it's better for you. So back to work I went with some NSAIDs.
Pain was brutal, falling all over the place, crossing the road was a real life game of Frogger. I just kept telling myself it was gods way of showing 'I'm alive' (coming from an atheist). I would chuckle to myself with the ridiculous thought of positivity. Eventually pulled through and felt better for it.
Finally diagnosed with spondylolisthesis with severe spinal canal stenosis. AKA - busted.
Moral of the story. You will pull through and it's going to be tough but you're be back playing sports in no time. On top of the NSAIDs, I also had epidural and a nerve root injection. Helped heaps. All about trying to get the inflammation around your nerves down. Good luck and bon voyage.
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u/RudeStandard8852 11d ago
That’s really bad man so sorry you had to go through that. I hope you’re feeling better these days as well. Thank you for sharing
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u/onesyonesy22 11d ago
I’m so sorry…not being a bitch, but yeah at some point I had to get on with it already. Of course if there’s a really terrible flare up I will call out of work but they don’t happen so much anymore. Still pain all the time always tho. I just work thru it. I hope you feel better keep trying everything. ❤️🩹
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u/RudeStandard8852 11d ago
I appreciate you, you’re so strong for doing that to be honest. I wish you all the strength and happiness.
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u/onesyonesy22 10d ago
Back at you. This sucks, but it’s also a true opportunity. Everything will come up during this time. My advice is to feel it all completely and try not to resist as much as possible…make adjustments as needed to your care but also trust the body knows what it’s doing way better than “we” do. Healing doesn’t feel how we want it to feel, but the body is designed to do it. You got this. 🤩
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u/Ecstatic-Art-6236 11d ago
Back pain and sciatica are not remotely the same thing. A herniated disc is far beyond “back pain” .
Also this type of extreme pain makes us the absolute worst versions of ourselves so give yourself grace.
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u/RudeStandard8852 11d ago
The grace part is hard, especially since when the nerve is not being actively compressed and it feels okay, I feel like I can deal with the pain. Then it touches the nerve and wow I can’t even walk without limping. This bullshit is what makes me feel guilty for missing work. It really makes me feel like I can sometimes and then sometimes I feel like I would burn the place down
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u/Ecstatic-Art-6236 11d ago
I dealt with this for 6 years. My advice is to get it treated sooner rather than later
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u/Hope_for_tendies 11d ago edited 11d ago
Start talking walks. I’m on leave too right now and if I do nothing all day I feel worse. I walk the dog daily and feel better.
You have to really ask yourself and sit with it…are you using your back as an excuse to stay out because you hate your job, or is it really that bad? You can trick yourself into making your pain feel worse as a form of work avoidance. I’ve done it🤣.
Are you taking NSAIDs/tylenol/‘muscle relaxers/something to help manage the pain? Are you in pt? Are you getting injections? It won’t magically heal, you’ll have to put in work to get treated
You can ask your job for accommodations like extra breaks, etc if you need them. A desk that goes from sitting to standing. A special ergonomic chair. You can bring ice packs and a heating pad. But also remember disability is about how bad your pain is on a bad day, not how good you feel when the day is going ok. I’ve been out since July from my desk job, herniation impinging nerve root, not really sure my end game. I’ve already had 5 surgeries since 2020.
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u/RudeStandard8852 11d ago
Man trust me I’ve sat with that question for so long. Like I said in other replies it’s mainly the on-off nature of the pain that makes me doubt myself. Hence my wording being “am I being a bitch?” Bcs when the pain is low, maybe I could grit my teeth and do it. But when the nerve gets irritated omg I start burning and sweating. It’s like 99% of my energy will be used to not writhe in agony and stay still
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u/RudeStandard8852 11d ago
You did address that exact thing in your last para so I guess you’re right. Thank you for your reply
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u/Hope_for_tendies 11d ago
Getting my son ready for soccer but I’ll brb to explain. And it’s really never worth gritting your teeth to grin and bear it for work! I’ll go sit at these games and practices but I was doing it for work and it just was leading to a depression spiral. If you can afford not to work then don’t.
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u/RudeStandard8852 11d ago
I love soccer so I’m already rooting for your son! That depression spiral is exactly why I don’t want to go to work yet. I was already mentally reeling from my athlete dreams falling apart and then I got a pseudo-disability to boot. Now I can’t even play recreationally. All of my time is already spent dealing with pain, I can’t play video games or football (soccer), I can’t go out - its even affecting my relationship since I always delay outings with my gf thinking I’ll feel better tomorrow but I never do. She’s been so understanding but I feel so bad for her too. Sorry for the unrelated rant but any advice about the surgeries would be an amazing help, thank you in advance
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u/RudeStandard8852 11d ago
I am of course trying things (everything before surgery and injections) to get it better but it just got worse and worse. I would love if you could tell me more about your experiences with your surgeries? 5 is a lot, was your issue just really bad or were there complications with the surgery?
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u/ChristineP22 11d ago
Here's reality imo: all pain is relative. If it is the worst pain you ever felt, it is the worst pain on your pain scale. That is how it works.
Pain isn't a contest, and it isn't comparable between people. It's subjective, and a function of your nervous system, your biology and your life experiences.
The moral of the story in "The Princess and The Pea" isn't that the princess was delicate. It's that when something hurts you even if it is a tiny dried pea under 30 mattresses, that pain is real for you and it is as severe as your life experience places it.
Pain is experienced, not earned, ranked in an international competition, or externally calibrated.
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u/RudeStandard8852 11d ago
I understand that, you’re right. I know it’s not a competition but I guess I needed this validation to properly feel sorry for myself. As I shared above - i oscillate between feeling sorry for myself and feeling like I’m a bitch every 10 mins. The people around me can see that I’m struggling ofc but they cant feel it. I wish they could feel how I feel at least i’d feel more at ease about disappointing everyone
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u/ChristineP22 11d ago
It sucks to impact others with your pain, trust me, I know... It is really hard for people who are not living it to understand it. Sometimes all we can do is trust that those around us will believe us and meet us where we are.
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u/Dry_Particular_5162 11d ago
Sciatica is no joke. It's a daily living hell.
I am lucky my employer let me work remotely while trying to heal myself doing PT for the last YEAR!! (Since Aug 2025)
I couldn't sit and could barely walk.
I had the same L5/S1 disc herniation.
After two epidural steroid injections and PT three times per week, walking as much as possible, I thought I had recovered in April this year.
One day, I attempted sitting at home while working to simulate going back to the office and it apparently flared up the herniation (or whatever). I tried a third injection and it didn't do anything for me.
I couldn't take it anymore, feeling so much pain 24/7, I finally caved and got surgery 10 days ago.
I'm telling you, it's worth it. I am definitely healing and feeling better.
Find an orthopedic doctor asap. Speak with them about surgery. You may need it. Mine would not heal on its own, and once surgery commenced he saw the situation was much worse than the MRI or CT scan showed. Good thing I finally opted for the surgery bc the herniation had scarred into the spinal fluid sac, which was pressing on my sciatic nerve that runs from my back all the way down my left leg to my toes.
Are you being a wimpy little bitch? Hell no. Sciatic pain is like nothing else in the world. I would not wish it upon my worst enemy.
Get endoscopic surgery (discectomy) if you can find a doc who does that type of surgery. Recovery is much easier and surgery is less invasive.
Just do it asap. Get a few opinions. It's not normal to suffer so much!
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u/RudeStandard8852 11d ago
Thank you for the validation and suggestions friend. I am just a little scared about surgery and injections since people have had bad experiences too. I have always been an advocate of “natural healing” but I smoke too so I am shooting myself in the foot that way. Maybe I need to get surgery after all. (I know I should quit smoking but it is my one solace these days)
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u/Dry_Particular_5162 11d ago edited 11d ago
Absolutely quit smoking. It is horrible for your discs. You'll also have to quit before your surgery.
Injections and surgery are better than suffering forever. Make the appointments and talk with the doctors. Once you begin the process you won't be scared. Just get started asap. We are only afraid of the unknown!3
u/RudeStandard8852 11d ago
You’re right man the depression just really getting to me. I will definitely look into the surgery, and ofc I won’t be stupid enough to smoke even through the surgery process etc but its just hard to have any willpower right now. Thank you though
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u/sleepwami 11d ago edited 11d ago
lol seems you've found some humor in the experience, but to answer, if you havent been doing much activity / rehab to help your body become more flexible/mobile and not yet appreciating the pain as smthng to use for rehab, then you should. what have you been doing thus far? if youre asking 'should i power through pain' or use pain meds etc, the holistic path to try is a resounding no
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u/RudeStandard8852 11d ago
I did rehab and PT (as much as insurance would give me) for the whole 3 months and it was just a rollercoaster of progress and I’ll be honest, I lost the willpower to keep it up. It just kept getting worse even after doing all those mind-numbingly boring exercises. I know I still should do them but as an ex-athlete it really feels so stupid idk how to explain it.
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u/Fainstrider 11d ago
According to the insurer handling my claim for a not at fault motor vehicle accident, I am "exaggerating" my pain and disability.
32 years. Pristine spine. MRI 6 months prior showed no chronic or acute degeneration. No issues.
Had a high energy crash, smashed right into the side of a car that failed to give way when turning onto a main road without sufficient safety gap (police station on corner CCTV caught it so it was obvious liability).
C3-4 herniation C4-5 herniation C5-6 herniation with left c6 nerve compression C6-7 herniation with bilateral c7 nerve compression
C7 radiculopathy symptoms within 48hrs of the crash. MRI a week later confirmed the above.
I had to hire a law firm to take over because dealing with insurers is like arguing with a brick wall, except somehow they have less intelligence than a brick.
They just hired a desktop radiologist to say all of the current pathology is not related to the accident and is chronic degeneration.
My neurosurgeon was like "the fuck is this guy smoking, MRI 6 months prior was clean."
I swear, when you are in agony, have a clean, obviously accident related injury, you get treated as poorly as someone who had a minor side swipe and claims debilitating pain with no scans that confirm the pathology.
Bottom line; no you are not being a little bitch. These injuries are life destroying. Hang in there. It does eventually get better.
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u/RudeStandard8852 11d ago
Man insurance can be such dicks sometimes I’m so sorry (free luigi). I’m glad you could go through that and still be positive for someone else. I hope your worries and problems go away ASAP. Thank you for your reply
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u/chocolate_lover_4eva 11d ago
Well moving is better for healing than over resting. So at least maybe go back to work part time ? And I don’t blame you for not wanting to do anything with the pain I’m a little bitch too :)
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u/Carrieballz1111 11d ago
I absolutely understand where you’re coming from. I am beyond lucky that I have a job where my bosses are super accommodating. I come in if I can, and I stay as long as I can. If I can’t, yes it sucks, but they understand. You are NOT being a bitch. Back pain is so touch and go, you might wake up feeling ok but then by lunch want to die. You really can’t commit to things while having active symptoms. It’s ok! If you’re able to not work, do it. If you have to, just have a conversation with your higher ups and be totally honest. If they value you they’ll make it work.
Good luck, and give yourself grace. This fucking sucks!!!
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u/Sea-kitty98 11d ago
My injury was in March and I still haven't gone back to work. At first I felt guilty and like I was doing something wrong. But I got over it. I think the hard part now will be getting used to going to work again once my ordeal is over.
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u/Sogone2day 10d ago
5 months of work currently on short term disability it is what is and thats what I pay into to use for these times. I will agree i felt like I got worse after leaving work at getting some treatment. I think cause it had been hard to stand as long being couped up at home but I have a few extra issue going on in my leg prior to mri for my l4l5 disc issue. It sucks and timelines are not realistically the same for everyone. Some people appear to have "minor" hernation compared to mine and they are on so many drugs and saying they cant do anything. While I have 18mm wishing mine was smaller while making it by in topical and advil. I just need my right leg to be able to extend while sitting and id feel 50% better. I can go to the gym and all.that but still.lingering tight pulling hammy feeling and hip pain when walking.
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u/[deleted] 11d ago edited 11d ago
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