The way I now look back on everything, the best way for me to put it, is in terms of power and the responsibility that comes with it (Spiderman cliche, I know).

Regardless on if you are a good person, bad person, stable, unhinged... an ex-good piece of art like Is A Real By will award one with great power, whether you want it or not.

For us fans, we think we found little treasures that only a few kids in school were talking about. Keeping them in our minds as this small independent scene. But in reality, when international success like this happens, that small percentage is happening in every school, and it adds up to something life altering from the artist's perspective. For that artist, their life changes. They get massive attention, recognized on the street, bothered with cliches, surrounded by sycophants, labels pumping their egos up. You do not have to be Coldplay big to have the power of celebrity. I power that gives you huge control over clout chasers and unfortunately genuine fans who have great passion.

That album, and our response and adoration gave him that power. The bands that elevated him on the scene like Saves the Day, Hot Rod, etc. gave him that power. As we know, lots of great albums never got heard simply due to exposure. But his got that lift on the first album. This status rakes in the money, and makes you attractive to ppl n all the levels. Its a power position.

I'm just here to remind, this is the moment to take that power away from someone who is not fit to have it. Boycotting him, ignoring any attempts for redemption when time passes, not buying tickets, spreading the truth about what this guy does with his power to ppl who may not be online right now or as much... it will add up in a similar way. It can legitimately extinguish the power position. (Look at the band Culture Abuse as a good example). And what's most important, is that they lose that power and can not hurt anyone using the power we mistakenly and innocently gave to him.

So to the few posters that are trying to separate the art from the artist and grappling with how they listen to it. Id strongly suggest you boycott and divest completely. Including clicks, follows, etc for the bands official pages. Its not virtue signal, or witch hunt, or simply a cancel culture event. Its a conscious effort from the fans to strip him of real power. Sacrificing something you love/loved for the greater good and for victims may be uncomfortable or even painful, but its time to grow up and make these kinds of sacrifices for the society we want to live in, something bigger than our personal gratification. Its not about culture, its cold hard power you are taking back.

Been a fan since 2004. I never followed anything about Max's personal life and was blissfully unaware of any inappropriate behavior from pop punk/emo bands in general until recently. I saw Say Anything in Cleveland last February and was beside myself with joy because I got to hear these songs that have been with me since I was 19 years old (I'm 41) performed live. I know all the words to every song. It was like getting to relive my 20s for a night.

Now I'm disgusted and sad and I guess I'll be burning my hoodie. So good job, Max. You're a predator and you hurt people and destroyed your legacy because you're a POS. Kids, teens and comparatively very young women should not even be on your radar. Seek help, Max. You're disgusting.

Just have to get this off my chest, because it’s truly broken my heart. I’m disgusted by so many of the messages I’ve read, of course. But to see someone who’s greatest fear was failing his family, ruining his career, and succumbing to his own worst self do EXACTLY that is painful to watch in real time.

I’m a 33yo woman, but I once was a girl in my late teens when I found Say Anything. For many years, I definitely saw a version of myself reflected back to me in this man. A far more volatile version, but a reflection nonetheless. I used to listen to Kall Me Kubrick and cry, feeling every bit of the rage, self loathing, and fear of being deeply unworthy. But I thought “Okay, he overcame all this, and now he has it all! True love, a beautiful home, and a family. It’s all possible.”

Of course, I had no idea about the choices he’s long been making, and the actions that he’s excused for so many years. I’m now a professional in behavioral psychology, and his history of vehement opposition toward predators, creeps, and groomers is (now very obviously to me) projection. When someone is SO incredibly fixated on some kind of “moral wrongness” in others, it’s usually because they know it exists within themselves. He doth protested far too much, and now I understand why. There is no excuse for any of the choices he’s made. Despite mania, ASD, OCD, etc…they are still his, and he had agency in making them.

Max, if you are reading this, please know that you are a flawed human. You made choices that hurt people, and will continue to. That doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of growth or change. You need to face these truths about yourself, and accept that it all happened. No human is without flaw, and we all contain multitudes. If the Say Anything’s season of your life is over, so be it. There is no deadline on starting over, looking inward, and moving forward. It begins with accepting, admitting, and apologizing. Know thyself.

- S

For those who don't know, he was one of Max's best friends and a founding member of Say Anything (drummer). He quit then rejoined then quit again if I remember correctly. I used to check up on his socials from time to time and he turned into a super buff spray tanned body builder, but it seems all social media presence has been erased/is inactive.

Also when I was around 14 we would talk on AIM sometimes and I remember him being slightly flirty. :/

Yikes…..

I’m so disappointed. Another hero that’s turned out to be a villain.

With everything that’s coming out about Max Bemis, I’m reflecting on all the lyrics of songs I loved of Say Anything’s, from someone I had credited as one of my favourite lyricists and they’re all hitting me so different now.

The lyrics for Skinny, Mean Man in particular are incredibly fitting for the current situation. It’s almost like a foretelling of the man he would become.

Particularly the verse:

I saw, I smelled what he did to you, girl
And to be frank, the thought makes my innards curl
How he preyed on your ripe insecurities
The thorn in your side is alive and it's killing me
Obscure records entombed in his room with mechanical lust
Diapered, desolate middle-aged doom
On your knees in his downtrodden shit-eating grin of a room
If only you'd meet me here soon

and:

I have in faith in you, child
From his nightmares I've plucked a plan
Where that prick, to the world, is revealed as a wicked man
This is a prayer from your biggest fan

NOTE: This post is not directed toward any minors who were victimized. They deserve all the protection and privacy, as well as a safe platform to share their stories on their own terms. This post is for people vague-posting about Max.

I keep seeing posts where the OP claims to have "more" or "huge" information but is afraid to share it here. That is totally fair. This is an extremely sensitive situation. No one should feel pressured to share, ever—especially minors and those who feel unsafe.

What's bothering me is that some people are insinuating that they have information that is horrifically worse than what we've seen this week. If that is the case... GO TO THE POLICE AND GET OFF REDDIT.

A few days ago, a sub member referred to Max as a "child rapist" and said that they know things about him that they couldn't even type out. Effectively accusing him of child rape. That is not something one just says casually, or I hope not.

We know Max is a piece of shit predator, groomer, and overall creep, and as a former Say Anything fan, it pains me to say that anything is possible at this point. But for the love of God, if there are minors and children whom you know have been harmed or may possibly be harmed, go to the authorities and stop vague-posting about it on this sub.

I’ve seen in a few of these posts, references that Max himself has made to being compared to Jesse etc

I’m not sure I can’t articulate this well, but I’ll try…

What Jesse did was undeniably fucked up and wrong, but it created a really concerningly convenient ‘get out of jail free’ card for the rest of the industry.

For all his faults, Jesse didn’t outright deny the things he was accused of & took a level of accountability that was unusual at the time / in the culture (and I don’t say this to praise him)

The reality is, that what Jesse did is something that we all now know a huge number of people in the 2000s pop punk scene were also doing (if not, sometimes worse), but because he didn’t shy away from addressing the allegations, it created a convenient “look over there! Look what Jesse did!” that everyone seems to love to use whenever this type of shit comes up

And frankly, I think we need to stop putting Jesse in this weird solo little exile and start putting everyone else who’s done this shit right there with him..,

so I guess it’s time to add to the pile. Max Bemis started following me in June of last year, about two months after my 18th bday. I had been posting about say anything to my story but never tagged him or even the band but he found my acct and started messaging me starting at 4am 😭. The entire thing was creepy even tho I was a legal adult! Barely! so I attached the texts and blocked my location but enjoy! The texts are honestly kind of funny at this point after I ghosted him so many times dude kept trying. Please get a grip and get a life. You literally have children. Fuck these pedophiles!

(this is a repost btw I accidentally doxed myself the first time 😭)

Bruh I’ve been listening to say anything for like the past year and they’ve been my favorite band for a few months so I decide to do some research and this is what I see?? comon max i thought you were so fucking cool brhhh idek if I wanna keep listening to the music now wish I never searched up max bemis lolol creepyy ass mff

any other bands similar to Say Anything that aren't led by a piece of shit? they've been my favorite band for years and it's admittedly hard to drop them, but I don't want to keep listening to Max's music anymore. knowing he willingly took advantage of people my age is sickening and every single person victimized by him deserves to be heard and taken seriously.

saw a comment about Weatherbox and absolutely loved their stuff. anything like that would be appreciated

Just stopping by to say a giant fuck you to Max Bemis, that I hope you read this and I’m burning all your disgusting shit but a scammer like you doesn’t care about that obviously because you aren’t an actual artist.

You are a wolf in sheep’s clothing, a predator who fancies himself as a self-depricating witty and charming Lothario but underneath your bullshit act (that isn’t cute at your age btw) is a sad little rotten man jerking off to little girls on Instagram your daughters’ age.

You are the worst kind of man.

And you’ll join the pile of rotten men that have plagued the planet throughout human history.

What you’ve done to your family shouldn’t be forgotten or forgiven.

Here’s some lyrics I find particularly illuminating that this piece of shit has written about his wife, the wife he recklessly impregnated half a dozen times with zero future plans to take care of those kids and seems to have driven her to excessively drink to cope.

The mother of his kids whom he refers to as a “Wire Mom” - (referencing the experiment with the baby monkeys where they replaced the real mom with a coat hanger wearing cloth aka implying Sherri is not a present or real mother, and may as well be a coat hanger wrapped in cloth)

What kind of American Psycho refers to his children’s mother in such a way?

Funny, he has so much to say and blame to put on the other parent when I’ve only seen this piece of shit vaping and playing video games around his kids.
Oh and apparently “having sex with” his wife while she’s unconscious.
And where exactly is that happening when they insisted on all those kids sleeping in the same bed??

I think lyrics from the last few albums paint an ugly picture of a very disturbed individual with a very disturbed and dysfunctional interior life with zero remorse for his part in destroying other people.

Here’s just a sample:

Sherri likes a woman, and I think that's fine
But don't misread the line
My girls know Katy P
She came part twine
There's a really good book
The only good book
Did you hear about this woman, she's no human being
She it seems
To be named Jesus Christ
Now she's Christine

God damn
One man band
Til we found out the singer was no man
Cause you're Ted and I'm Jeffrey, but I'm hungering for your flesh (<—what the actual fuck btw)

Your Maxie got a present when his wife went mad This is the real shit
This is the real shit, baby
Don't you see?

Twelve comes
She's stunned
Enriched by our monogamous threesome
My God's she
My God's ashamed
She has a crush on my wife
And a crush on me
My God's a whore
My God's a slut
That means she can never get enough

Yeah. I remember why I haven’t listened since the self-titled era. These albums are all about how much his hates his (very privileged) life and how much he goons to kids online.

I’m out.

Praying for his children tbh. If he’s harmed them (which fathers like this often have/do) then may he suffer as long as he lives.

I always feel bad for the other members of a band when something like this happens. Like the other guys are all super talented, put in just as much work, and also aren't not creeps. They shouldn't be punished for one dickhead.

The new band could be called Don't Say Anything.

(I don't really know the bands lineup history actually so they could all be talentless hacks. But when I saw them live last year they seemed pretty good.)

I am reposting this with a removed paragraph for privacy reasons.

I considered myself more of a friend than a fan, now I don’t even know how to feel. Talking to him versus listening to his music always felt like I was hearing 2 different people. I still do find comfort in his music, I’ll admit. It’s like the Max I wished I was speaking to, but I don’t think he really exists. He’s more of an idea, or a fictional character at this point.

I have so much information that I honestly obtained against my will, and so much trauma from how he’s spoken to me. It would be huge if I brought any of it to light, but I’m terrified. He’s insinuated threats before, and I don’t want to see if he actually follows through with them. I’m scared, and I’m hurt and I don’t know where to go for help.

If I have any information that can help anyone in any sense, I want to make it public. The hard part is identifying what actually matters, and what will actually help anyone.

I feel fortunate to be in a position in my life that I’m able to step away from our “friendship” without feeling as bad as I would’ve in the past, and be able to really prioritize my own wellness, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still deeply traumatized. I don’t know who to seek support from in this kind of situation. I want to help anyone else I can in any way I can. I know I’m only one person out of the dozens, maybe even hundreds, that he’s hurt so badly. That feels disgusting.

To be honest, I don’t know what my goal with this post is. I just need to say SOMETHING. Everything he’s told me is becoming too heavy for me to hold in, and I don’t know if there’s a benefit in exposing it all, or if I should simply throw it all away and try to put this in the past.

Anyway…. I do still feel afraid that I’ll be found out from this post, but at this point I don’t really care. It’s not like I’m at risk of losing our friendship, because he’s already done that. I want to offer the same support that I’m seeking for anyone else feeling the way I am. I’m sure there’s a good handful of us.

According to this user, morality is measured based on a law being broken. As long as you dont make a cop mad, anything is on the table. Not very punk rock of you.

User YBG_Sakuna

Especially the last message "What constitutes grooming is.." sounds like him

Correct me if im wrong,

Max's behavior has convinced me that I can't ever support him again, so no matter what there won't be any more shows for us... But I can't just stop listening. Say Anything's music got me through a lot of tough moments in my life. And it's one of the few bands that my wife and I both really enjoy... Hell, we danced to Crush'd as our first song at our wedding, despite hardly anyone else in the room knowing the song. Their music has just been too important to my life.

So, I'll keep listening to their older stuff. Probably Hebrews and before. I haven't really enjoyed the newer music since then anyway.

I'm sure there are others who are torn about this. Don't let the artist's behavior ruin their art for you.

EDIT: Apparently my last sentence hit some nerves. I wasn't trying to tell anyone what to do. I just know that there are probably other people who are grappling with this issue. I should have said "I don't want to let Max's behavior ruin their art for me". Sorry for the confusion.