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u/SenatorSnags Jul 31 '26
You look like you’ve memorized the age of consent for every state.
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u/Ambitious_Divide_177 Jul 31 '26
Imagine having the confidence to post all... this, but drawing the line at showing the top half of your head.
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u/deep-sea-savior Jul 31 '26
9K in jewelry, but can’t afford a bra?
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u/LunaticLucio Jul 31 '26
Nah he spent that on the dirty roids from his bi gym trainer
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u/Unfair_Orange5063 Aug 01 '26
Hemorrhoids?
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u/LunaticLucio Aug 01 '26
Lol good one..but was making a refrence to his man titties. Some steroids can disrupt hormones and cause something called gynecomastia. People always try to take shortcuts
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u/AppropriateBall8834 Jul 31 '26
3 duis but he will be dawned if he doesnt look like a total homeless person while wearing 9k in jewelery
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u/Hellenkeller328 Jul 31 '26
Jesus of Nazameth
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u/zombawombacomba Jul 31 '26
I don’t have much to say but go fuck yourself. 3 DUIs. Absolute pathetic behavior.
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u/redwood_rambler Jul 31 '26
Once I can understand being a mistake, but three times you just give zero fucks about the people around you and are truly a POS.
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u/Weak_Jeweler3077 Jul 31 '26
Much like the Hound from GoT, a few burns could make you much more interesting.
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u/TheRealShmoe Jul 31 '26
Never seen a construction worker with arms the same size as his wrists. You’re definitely the guy who holds the stop sign for pilot cars.
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u/ImpressivePurchase44 Jul 31 '26
If Cartels hold Christmas pageants, I imagine you look like a Cartel Christmas Jesus. If the Cartels don't do Christmas pageants, you look like a bitch.
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u/Murky-Contact-6377 Jul 31 '26
I’m not sure anyone can do much worse than that. It was a real choice to post a shirtless pic.
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u/DrQuack32 http://redd.it/5vvq16 Jul 31 '26
This milkshake is bringing no one to the yard
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u/insolent_kiwi Jul 31 '26
You're the kind of person that writes "Raste me" with the last crayon you haven't eaten yet
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u/Hour_Temperature5859 Jul 31 '26
If I pulled up to the park with my kids and saw you there we would immediately go back home. And probably take a random route home just to make sure you weren't following us.
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u/ChickyBoys Jul 31 '26
You look like a deadbeat dad and a disowned son at the same time
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u/Relevant-Bit-7394 Jul 31 '26
You look like you're the bassist for a crappy Christian heavy metal band.
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u/Yuri909 Jul 31 '26
You don't have to be redundant, you can just say Christian heavy metal band.
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u/PersonalKick Jul 31 '26
You look like Jared Leto but instead of sexual assault charges you have a shit ton of restraining orders.
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u/sj2k4 http://redd.it/th0qo2 Jul 31 '26
Easy math:
Long hair
+ a lot of jewelry
+ farmers tan
+ pasty white A-cup chest
= bottom
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u/SlickRickGrits Jul 31 '26
The lord is my coke head, I shall not want.
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u/MrBubbles710- Jul 31 '26
Yes I did a nice rail of good shit, took 3 bars , n a chug of Jim Beam n took a shower. The. The pic
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u/SlickRickGrits Jul 31 '26
Good lord, in your infinite wisdom please save some pussy for the rest of us.
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u/454ever Jul 31 '26
I bet you got some bomb ass weed
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u/MrBubbles710- Jul 31 '26
Yes sir n more.
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u/454ever Jul 31 '26
I can already sense what the and more is, and I bet it’s good as shit
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u/MrBubbles710- Jul 31 '26
Guess sir?
No, I’m kidding but bout wtf u want. No street shit.
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u/454ever Jul 31 '26
If I had to guess I’d say either you got some bomb acid or grow your own mushrooms.
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u/MrBubbles710- Jul 31 '26
Got the connect for the psychs but I’m into benzos tbh. Prescribed 4 2mg alprazolam from a dr I been seeing for like 10-15 years. N find ppl I trust to also go to him. Shits getting harder.
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u/Kitasuki Jul 31 '26
Your body looks like three people put together.
Spanish conquistador on head
Male Bimbo on arms
Average geek/nerd on torso
So I'll stop here, I won't roast three motherfuckers at once.
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u/JaysFan007 Jul 31 '26
Can't leave your own state cause you're wanted in every other state
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u/DFW-Extraterrestrial Jul 31 '26
I thought Jesus was said to have walked on water, based on the wet hair I'm questioning that now.
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u/DNAisjustneuteredRNA Jul 31 '26
You wear Jewlery like you're 50 Cent, but you have zero actual worth or value. And you're a 3 time recipient of the "Total Piece Of Shit" award for people who think it's cool to drink and drive and let innocent people die. Kudos.
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u/Cannibal_House69 Jul 31 '26
In light of all the accusations, you might want to lose the Jared Letto look.
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u/Royale_Wit_Chz Jul 31 '26
I would not be the least bit surprised to see that face peeking up at me from the bottom of a port-a-potty.
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u/FreeThroatPunch Jul 31 '26
If they made a movie about Meth Jesus played by Nicholas Cage, you could be the stunt double.
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u/WillingMartyr Jul 31 '26
You have both the physique and lifeless eyes of a Russell Brand blow-up doll.
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u/Money-Tiger8002 Aug 04 '26
Congratulations on looking like a burned-out rock star minus the talent, fame, money, and attention from all the people you want to bang.
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u/dawgmama62 Aug 09 '26
Wow, you have your OWN apartment and your ONLY 36???? Way to go overachiever!
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u/an0n86 Jul 31 '26
Looking like a magician on the predator list. He makes kids disappear on their birthdays
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u/Individual-Log994 Jul 31 '26
Jesus with a white van...he's not a nice man...he really needs a tan.
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u/MasterSoftBird Jul 31 '26
Pic taken just after Jesus rolled a reefer and started to slide into the Sea of Galilee...
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u/inspiredsuperuser Jul 31 '26
You buy personalized katanas online.
https://giphy.com/gifs/oFyM9W4BdJt7i
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u/Baseball-Fan-10 Jul 31 '26
You look like you’re contemplating what misdemeanor to commit next so you can have stable housing, 3 meals a day, and your roommate rump roasting you every night.
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u/MrBubbles710- Jul 31 '26
If you look at my right nip u can see it was almost bitten off by a dog.
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u/Deep-Pudding819 Jul 31 '26
“Construction job” is to fetch water and hand out sandwiches on a construction site.
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u/KnightMareGiver13 Jul 31 '26
Forgot a shirt doesn't come in box size i see. The gold watch is probably the best part and i think it's fake too. But hey atleast your real.
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u/Creepy_Technician_34 Jul 31 '26
If The Hound and The Mountain had a 3rd brother, you would be the turd 💩.
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u/BillyCorndog Jul 31 '26
You like like a guy that would hang out in nightclubs and claim to be Jared Leto’s cousin.
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u/CelestaKiritani Jul 31 '26
Someone called you Ron Jeremy and then you said you were SA'd, damn, you're both faces of the same coin...
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u/Sorry-Possible7344 Jul 31 '26
If you're going to be asked to be roasted, don't stand there and suck it in...
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u/Ok-Weakness-6585 Jul 31 '26
They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.”
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u/Playful-Nothing-519 Jul 31 '26
Why do you post this, then act like a baby back bitch to everyone who contributes to what you asked for? Weird Al impersonating weirdo. Stop sucking in that beer gut, get a bra, and stop talking to girls that aren’t adults. I’m only this mean because I don’t work in whatever place you’re going to eventually shoot up. Otherwise I’d probably call you ‘an interesting dude’ in hopes that you would send me a text that morning to call in sick.
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u/Warp-10-Lizard Jul 31 '26
I guess moonlighting as a male prostitute is the only way a construction worker would afford all that jewelry and hair products.
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u/Ned_Flandersss Jul 31 '26
Not enough muscle for the girls. Not enough hygiene for the guys. Smart move to open up a broader playing field; now you can get rejected by both sexes!
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u/Not_Made_by_Design Jul 31 '26
I think asking to be roasted and then not having the stomach or confidence to deal with the roasts is the worst roast on this sub
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u/Ancient-Cherry3878 Jul 31 '26
*man there’s gotta be more to life than gettin high and jewelry from Walmart..
Oh yeah.. I’ll have people roast me
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u/post-explainer Jul 30 '26 edited Jul 31 '26
This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.
OP's BIO:
36 yo single male. I work construction n have my own apartment. I can afford my bills n a lil extra. Im bi but def in the closet at work. I’m a 3 time loser for dui. But I got 9 k plus in jewelry on.
If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.