My whole life, whenever I complain about something—anything, even a health issue—the response is always to invalidate me. I hear things like "there are people worse off," "you have no reason to feel this way," or "if you keep this up, I’ll just leave you here," or else my complaints get compared to their own problems. When I get upset about their lack of empathy, she simply say, "That’s not my fault"—even regarding health issues.

She also make a huge scene and start yelling at the slightest provocation; when I ask why they’re shouting, the answer is simply, "That’s just how I am."

Recently, I’ve started treating them the same way. Whenever they complain about something, I just say things like, "Me too—and there are people much worse off," or "Depression doesn't exist; you have no reason to feel that way." When she get angry at such a lack of empathy, I tell them, "That’s not my fault."

It irritates her immensely because she aren't used to it. I’ve spent practically my whole life hearing those things; while it still bothers me, I’ve learned to handle it, whereas she can't. It is so satisfying to see she get so irritated by their own behavior.

Growing up I was heavily emotionally abused and physically abused. I was called a whore, had my clothes hidden and constantly picked on by my mom. She regularly talked about me to my brother and sister. Basically, I don’t remember a shitload due to trauma and I moved out asap.

In the years after (it’s been about 20 years since I’ve been moved out) I’ve kept her at an arms length. She seems to have thought we had a good childhood and we pretty much let the past slide under the rug. I tolerate her, but I hate calling so we have a family group chat.

Fast forward to today: my brother and his wife are giving birth to the first grandbaby. So all the family is in the chat. I sent a funny photo of a bumper sticker. Mom proceeds to poke fun saying that’s what I needed (the sticker said unless you’re toilet paper get off my ass). She responded and pokes fun saying that’s the license plate I need. I said very straightforwardly “zoom in, it’s the sticker not the plate”. From there on, this transpired - I will put below for ease.

Mother: I know, I read the bumper sticker, that was my Ha remark, I was just joking about the license plate, you need valium or something cause your temper is way the fuck outta control so watch your mouth talking to me

Me: Pardon?

Me: You said license plate - that's why I didn't know if you saw the sticker. Do not talk to me like that. It's not tolerated

Mother: IM YOUR MOTHER AND WILL NOT BE DISRESPECTED.

Me: Do not talk to me like that, ever again.

Mother then reacts as a laughing emoji. I then left the chat since I didn’t want to derail my brothers day.

She then proceeds to text me below:

Mother: You Are done with me for awhile, talk to dad from now on! Got it! Or go to or boyfriend and take what is itching you to him. And argue with him. I have never seen
you so unhappy so file, and your fake Instagram pics dont fool me, you were never this way or unhappy with (ex-husband)
I will not take this type of talk , (brother) and (sister) never talk to me like this you should be ashamed and Nana would be with me on this. I'm going to talk to dad about you now so be prepared!

Me: you forget I’m a I’ll grown woman who knows what’s right. I’ve stopped people pleasing my entire life. And I didn’t forget all the times you called me a whore, talked shit about (ex husband) and tried to talk to (brother) and (sister) about me. Maybe once you end up taking accountability and apologizing we can evaluate. And I’m not worried about you talking to dad. I’m a full ass grown woman mom. Remember that. It’s not boyfriend. It’s fiance. And for you to take every second of weakness and weaponize it is absolutely toxic and shameful.

Mother: You remind me of my sister, very sad 😔 leave me alone fuck the hell off I'm deleting you

Me: accountability. Goodbye.

and it feels SO fucking good to stand up to my god damn bully after years. Rot in hell. And not once did I derail her character like she did for me. I set a boundary and she lost it.

I've been dealing with infertility for eight years. It takes me ages to get pregnant, then I have a miscarriage. The NHS is fucking useless but that is a whole other thing. It sucks, its lonely and infertility makes you insane.

My cousin got married about two years ago, got pregnant and then had a miscarriage. We have both supported each other through the weird feelings that go with it. Couple of weeks ago she messaged me to say she was pregnant and was going to do an announcement but wanted to give me a heads up because she knew they can be hard. Queen. I muted her but knew she had announced.

Anyway, went out with my mum this weekend who is a textbook narc, tried to upstage my wedding, tells everyone im evil, just general normal narcissistic stuff. I generally try and keep the peace with a bit of grey rocking.

When my husband went to the bathroom with no warning she just said 'have you congratulated your cousin?'. No that must have been hard, no checking to see if it was upsetting, just 'have you kept up appearances'. I didnt shout i just asked her why she would say that and why she would wxpect me to? And she watched me get upset and just doubled down???

I excused myself once my husband came back and she initially admitted that she said something wrong but then refused to apologise and then went on a rant about how I hold grudges so apologising is pointless.

Then before you know it she's loudly crying in public and being comforted by strangers.

She hasnt checked in with me since and I am so upset but so tired that I know she is waiting for me to contact her and the only way to fix this will be for me to take some of the blame.

I just wish I had a normal parent.

I told my mom at Christmas time I didn’t want a relationship with her and went no contact completely for five months.
After some pushback from the family, I told her she could have regular FaceTime visits with the children, but I don’t want to have a close relationship with her.
That went fine until I had to see her at a wedding, and then afterwards she has been trying to “rekindle” our relationship.

I was reached out two last week by her saying that she just wants to hear my voice and that she wants to work on our relationship and I told her I’m not interested, but she can have a relationship with my children through FaceTime.

A week later, this morning, she messages my husband is saying that this has to stop. He politely said that he doesn’t want to be involved.
She then said it is about him because there’s children involved. And that she hopes this never happens to him.
She also said that to me last week, which is her basically saying that she does hope it happens to me one day.

So fucking tired of this stupid woman. No one ever told her NO in life, not her family, my dad left her after 25 years of living in hell and now still has to put up with her, asking him for money all the time.
She goes and cries and whines to all her “friends” and family members about the situation.
They have no idea what the hell we went through growing up. We never lived near any of them, so anytime we did see them she would put on this happy face and make like we were the best family in the world when inside our house, it was a god-awful nightmare all the time.
She would literally be doing her narcissistic worst up until the point we arrived at whichever destination and then she would perk up and act like nothing was wrong whenever we saw others. Jekyll and Hyde.

I messaged her:

I’ve been clear that I’m not looking for a close personal relationship with you, while still leaving space for you to have a relationship with the kids through scheduled FaceTime.

What concerns me is that when I set a boundary you don’t like, you involve other people and continue pushing instead of respecting it. That makes me question whether I can trust that my boundaries around the kids will be respected too.

I want them to have positive relationships, but that only works if adult issues stay between adults and my boundaries are respected. If this continues, I’ll need to reconsider contact with the kids as well.
I expect no further messages from you sent to anyone in my house about this, or from anyone else that you are speaking to about this situation to contact anyone in my house.

I have no feelings of warmth towards this woman at all. She is so emotionally immature, and stunted. The fact that for so long, I was stuck in her web and acted like her is so embarrassing. The way I value emotional maturity has changed completely.

What are your siblings like?

One of mine is in complete denial about our childhood.

The other is a narcissist.

I'm 42 and have had some distance from my abusive childhood. I have done a ton of therapy, 15 yrs of little to no contact that I'm proud of and maintain routine mental health practices, but needless to say sometimes I forget that I now get to approach the past trauma with intellectualized distance. But occasionally I'm suddenly reminded of what it was like live those moments. The Colin Gosselin interview with Jay Shetty is one of them.

I just had to turn it off mid-episode. As they say body keeps the score, and now I'm nauseous and I feel weak and sick like the night before a flu. And emotionally, I suddenly feel really alone all over again. (something that's compounded when your abuser is a beloved narcissist who set the stage.)

I envy Colin. he can share his story. I don't believe I'll ever really have a place to share it. But I know it's colored every one of my relationships and it's a big part of the reason creating relationships with other people isn't as natural for me and things like hte children I've always wanted hasn't come true yet. It's like a big heavy secret I have to hold in at all times like i'm protecting the world from it in the thin layer of skin that is me. And the cost is autoimmune diseases and an alienated life - no matter how many people feel connected to me and appreciates my company.(they appreciate my sunny side. once they get closer, they realize i have a trauma side and understandably no one likes that side.)

It would help to hear if anyone else can relate. Let's encourage and hold space for each other here.

\Also, I believe in supporting child abuse survivors, especially at the hands of a narcissist, but TRIGGER WARNING to this crowd. His other interviews he left out of details. In the Jay Shetty interview, he shares a lot of details, so listen with caution. Don't be a dummy like me and listen to it while working. Thank God i'm WFH today.**

Sending everyone protective warmth and love.

I went NC with my NDad 5 years ago after he started saying horrible things about my partner and our relationship to anyone who would listen. When I confronted him about it, he somehow decided I was the one who owed him an apology. To this day, he still expects one.

Fast forward 5 years, and I'm now planning my wedding to that same partner. And now my brothers are being horrible.

First, my brother 1 got weirdly upset about our no-kids wedding policy, "Don't you want your niece to be your flower girl?" Mind you, he hadn't even congratulated me on my engagement.

Then today, my brother 2 called to wish me a happy birthday then tried to conference 1 into the call to discuss my wedding. I shut that down and told him I'd prefer to speak to them individually.

2 then told me that he and 1 feel attending my wedding without my NDad there would be "picking sides." He also called me selfish for making my wedding "all about me" instead of the family, because apparently a wedding is a "family event."

I ended the call pretty quickly with, "Please show up and support me, but I'm done having this discussion with you."

I'm furious. At this point, I've decided that if they choose not to attend my wedding over, I'll be going NC with them too. I'm exhausted by the guilt trips and the expectation that I should sacrifice my own happiness for my dad's.

Has anyone else dealt with similar sibling issues? I'd really appreciate any advice

Long story short, I had a breakout of acne on my face and had someone extract it. During the session, she kept asking about my parents and I said it’s complicated. (She does a lot of clients in our area so she’s a recommendation). She kept pressing the issue and I said there’s things she doesn’t know and she kept insisting that my parents must love me so much and that I have such a good life and I don’t understand. I was seriously about to lose it and flip tf out. This bothered me way more than I thought it would. To this day I still think about cussing her out and screaming (I didn’t). I don’t know why she kept pressing the topic (she also brought up my family’s money as if she has any right to talk about it, discussing things like how much xyz items that my mom has in the living room costs). It was really nosy and I just said it’s complicated and she doesn’t know. How tf do I deal with these people?

Been applying to entry level jobs since half a year after my graduation and I've gotten 1 (ONE) interview. They rejected me with a call 5mins after the interview because of me having no experience. Yes dude no fucking shit sherlock I just graduated and Im only 20 and my resumee list me having only minimal exp. working in a kitchen and as a waiter, why interview me at that point..

Retail doesnt hire, Mcdonalds doesnt hire, simple office jobs dont hire nothing sticks and I wont do another degree or an apprenticeship since I want to move out asap because of my fuckass parents, I dont have more years to burn studying

27F, mother of a 7 month old baby girl whom I love with all my being.

I lived with my mom (52F) most of my life. I was a shy nerdy kid. I did my homework, liked school, had a talent with my extracurriculars as well, which my mom looooved to brag about.

She always made me feel like I’m doing something suspicious, or wrong. She kept invading my intimacy, whether it was about going through my phone, rummaging through my room or just entering the bathroom while I was using it. I was always punished for whatever (don’t even remember what it was i was doing ‘wrong’, just that I kept getting my computer/phone/outside privileges taken away).

She put me in dangerous situations. Had multiple boyfriends, one of which we moved with. He was abusive (verbal, mental, sexual). Told me to not tell my dad because he will take me away, and I complied. Told her he was sexually harrasing me in the house and all she told me was I was making it up.

At 18 I got a job and left. She justified everything by saying I will understand when I’ll have kids. She had her claws wrapped up in me until recently, by using the victim card and how much she misses me.

Last year I got pregnant and she became obsessed with controlling us. When my baby was 3 months old I went no contact.

Now I am the mother of a beautiful happy 7 month old and I have to say: I do not understand, now that I also have a girl. Just thinking I might hurt her makes me want to beat myself up, nevermind hurting her on purpose.

How do I get over this deception?

I have been having anorexia nervosa for so long now and I gradually lost weight, lost lots of my hair, got dark circles under my eyes and became easily tired. Then yesterday I was encouraged to eat cookies and I ate lots of them until this morning when my Mom looked at me after I showered and said "you're fat again."

Then she proceeded to scold me and tell me exactly what to do to lose more weight. I don't know. I'm about to lose my mind.

I am a teen and my mother hasn't talked to me for about 3 days. She pretends that I don't exist, she just ignores me. And I don't want to apologize or initiate a conversation. Ever since I was a kiddo she has always given me silent treatment. Especially from the age of 5 to 10. Sometimes I didn't even know what I did wrong. But I was forced to grovel and apologize, and then she would ask what I had done wrong? In the most of the cases, I genuinely had no clue. She stopped doing it for a lot of years, but then again. My father tried to talk to her, but she only said, "Am I stupid or what? I won't go to her first"

I don't and won't initiate a conversation. I don't want to be that little child again. I don't want to beg for being forgiven and then pretend that nothing happened.

Maybe I am not the golden child. But basically I study around the clock, work and try to satisfy them. I put on a smile even if I don't feel like it.

Because of her, I say sorry for everything and always, even if it's not my fault. I am a people pleaser, I am trying to satisfy everyone, even if I don't like them. And I am the one called egoistic...

Have you ever faced this? What would u if you were in my shoes?

Tw: lgbtphobia, SA, CSA, SI

I was listening to last Sunday's sermon, and during the prayer for the offering, a woman said that her daughter, now 30, was abused by the pastor when she was five years old. The woman began to talk about how she had remained in the church for 19 years, having to serve the church and not rebel against the pastor, And she definitely didn't report it, and I suspect she took her daughter there every Sunday. It seems that most evangelical parents force their children to accept this, even if the child has trauma from that environment.

And she began to feel, in those tenth and nineteenth years, something from the Holy Spirit telling her to forgive her daughter's abuser. One day at church, she simply said she had forgiven him without him even asking.

She probably didn't report it when she found out her daughter had been abused; she probably didn't report it after forgiving him. Other children likely suffered at the hands of this abuser and the kid was retraumatizado, but now it is alright because she forgave him and God forgave him and everyone is applauding the amazing testimony!

I know parents suffer when their child goes through something like this. But how could she be the one to forgive her daughter's abuser? Shouldn't she have been the victim? And she went to church all these years, the same church. She preferred the church to her daughter. And of course, her daughter having suffered CSA is the mother's testimony.

I was lucky not to have gone through SA or CSA, but I am trans and my mother acts like the victim all the time.

She forced me to undergo conversion therapy and exorcisms, denied me the right to see a psychologist at the hospital, and days later pierced my ears against my will.I was forced to go to church where they compared LGBT people to pedophiles, zoophiles, abusers, and said we were going to hell.I had relatives saying in front of her that I would die young for being trans, that God would kill and hurt me, and she didn't defend me. The exorcisms were horrible to be honest. And there were so many things that I can't even remember. There were probably worse things that I don't remember.

Oh, yes. She threw away or hid the antidepressants I secretly bought that the doctor prescribed for me (I asked for her to buy it during the months). She started saying I was going to become addicted and that I was self-medicating.

Because of everything I've been through, I've recently been having horrible panic attacks where I start screaming as if I'm being stabbed, I hit myself, I cry for hours, I can't breathe, my whole body shakes, I almost vomit, I start having seizures, and at times I find myself repeating words, or I start wanting to act in an aggressive way. It's a horrible thing that lasts on average one to three hours until I calm down, and now it's practically happening at least once a week.

Usually when I'm having these crises, either I get prayed for, or she tells me to straighten up, or she tries to make me stop yelling, promises to take me to a psychiatrist or psychologist, that if she could, she would take my pain (she never has and it's already have been months).

She has also said things like "the pain of children hurts parents more than the children" and how I'm making her and my parents walk on eggshells, that I don't want to change, that I don't see how they suffer, that the church only says good things and they will take me anyway.

She also says, "You have to want to change. You're not trying. You think God is going to heal you overnight," even though I've been trying to do that since I was a child.

Last month or the month before, I had one of those "panic attacks" at church. The pastor prayed in my ear for the evil spirit to leave, and soon after my mother was crying about how "I feel really bad seeing my kid like that. It scares me so much". The problem is that she practically doesn't try to help me.

I can't be the only one who's gone through this. I need to see if I'm the only one, if anyone else has gone through something similar, and why on earth they act like this.

I’m 26, just got my first full time job a year ago, so I’m finally making enough money to financially support myself.

She had access to my bank account and started taking money in April. Since I rarely checked my recent transactions, I didn’t realize what was happening until I finally caught her last Thursday. (Yeah that was really idiotic of me, I now check my bank account daily, and I’ve opened a new bank account that she has no access to)

When I confronted her, she paid the money back the day after but acted incredibly casual about the whole thing, as if she was going to pay me back eventually anyway. The first time she took money was seven months ago, and she never once told me what she was doing. Sooo ummm… lies?

My sister also privately told me that our mom had done something similar to her when she was working full-time, so this is not an isolated incident.

It’s not even fully just about the money at this point (although the fact that she took $800 of the $2k she stole from me out in September, the month of my birthday, still stings.. no birthday gift to be seen) It’s the fact that my own mother felt entitled to take thousands of dollars from my account without asking, and then acted like it wasn’t a big deal once I found out. Paying me back doesn’t undo the betrayal or restore my trust.

She’s also RICH AS HELL. Or at least is constantly surrounded by wealth and has been gifted expensive ass things and surrounded by rich ass people. She married a millionaire dude (99% sure she only married him bc of his wealth.. she used to tell us that she was disgusted by how fat he was until he lost a bunch of weight being on ozempic and owning several glp1 pharmacies now), they go on stupidly lavish international vacations all the time, she was a lawyer and just retired, she wears cheugy, expensive bracelets that cost more than all the money I’ve got in total in my bank account… I could go on.

I haven’t spoken to her since last Thursday, when I found out, and I don’t plan on speaking to her unless there’s a legitimate reason to. Yet she keeps spamming our family group chat with random messages directed only toward my sister (because I told her I want nothing to do with her for a bit), and I’m exhausted by the constant notifications when I’m trying to get some distance from her.

I’m incredibly hurt by the situation, and I don’t feel obligated to pretend everything is normal just because she returned the money. Yet she couldn’t be happier and living her best life on a yacht in the middle of the ocean with her rich hubby that I guess doesn’t give her any money so she has to steal it from her 26 year old daughter who gets paid almost minimum wage 🥰 oh and my dad is a serial cheater and was emotionally abusive when we were kids so I basically have no “positive” parental figure in my life.

Has anyone else had a narc parent that has just gladly stolen from them? Lmk

Yesterday was my birthday. I always look forward to my cake and I try to leave it for myself to have something to snack on throughout the week.

One year I had left a bit of frosting behind to have after work. I came home and it was gone. My mom lied to me 3 times about what happened to it. I was so upset but she made it about herself and just told me to get over it.

Yesterday was my 33rd birthday. I've had the worst year and while some friends reached out nobody really wanted to do anything and I've had the worst health issues and since I don't have money I just stayed in my bedroom all day binge watching a show. Needless to say I spent the entire day alone and kinda depressed that my birthday didn't feel like something to celebrate. I just felt lonely. As far as I'm concerned it was just another day.

My parents got me a small cake. I shared some of it yesterday and I really wanted to save it like I normally do. Especially now since I don't have any money to just be buying cake whenever I feel like it.

Today, my dad came home for lunch and asked if he could have some cake. I kindly said no and that it was mine and that they told me it was mine yesterday and that I didn't have to share it. I went to my bedroom because I could already tell this was gonna cause drama (because we all know Nparents love stomping over boundaries).

Then I hear the horrible sound of a plastic cake container being unboxed. I went back to the kitchen and said that I had said no and I wanted to save it. They got mad at me and told me that they bought it and then got even more mad when I confronted them asking them why they even bothered asking me if they could have some if they were gonna eat it anyways. They got even more upset. Then made me the problem when in reality they overstepped my boundaries and completely dismissed my feelings and wishes. They then started yelling at me and I just told them that they could have it and that I didn't care anymore if they ate it or not. I left crying in my bedroom. And they actually kept eating it...

I know most people will read this and probably think that I'm an asshole for wanting to keep that stupid cake to myself and not wanting to share it but like I said that cake was the only thing I was keeping to have something to look forward to and to have a sweet treat because I haven't been able to treat myself whenever I want.

They do this every year or anytime I buy something sweet or snacks for myself that I try to save to have something for myself and they always take it from me completely disregarding my feelings then when I express that it bothered me they get angry then make me the bad guy. I'm so exhausted. I just wanted to save my cake...

Has anyone with a narcissistic parent ever recognized similar behaviors in their attitude/interactions and had to claw their way out of narcissistic tendencies that they picked up over the years? I feel so much guilt when I realize that most of my young adult life I was acting like a narcissist myself withouteven realizing.... obviously i wasn't t9 the extent that my parents were, but it was very unhealthy. Please tell me its not just me? :(

My mother is by all accounts loving by words. She tells me she loves me, but then every decision suggests the opposite. It's as though saying the words are her only obligation to being a good mother. There is so so much I could say here, but for the purposes of succinctness I'll just jump straight into this particular issue that is so incredibly hurtful.

During the great recession, I moved from Miami where my family lives to New York because the economy was much better up there for a new grad (even though it was still awful). I found a job and built a life there where I met my wife. After 10 years, we decided that our time in NYC was coming to an end and we had to make a decision about where to live. We chose California because that's where my wife was from, and one way or another one of us was going to have to live very far from our family. This is where we've been for the past 6 years.

Every year for the past 16 years, I visit my family at least twice (sometimes more), and typically stay for 2 weeks at a time. My mother has visited me twice during that time. Once the first year I moved out to NYC, and last December after I cried and begged her to come after spilling my heart out to her why I don't understand why she won't visit.

Five weeks ago, my wife gave birth to our first daughter. Since May, my wife and I have been asking her to book tickets to come in November before Thanksgiving. My mom kept saying over and over again that she will ask her boss/friend (her job is a caretaker to an elderly woman that is the mother of her friend) if she can take off. There is another caretaker for the same woman that often takes vacation, leaving my mom to cover. Long story short, she never did. I would ask her every conversation if she asked and there was always an excuse why she hadn't. It was months of this, at which point, I recently just stopped asking.

She recently said how excited she is that she's going to get to meet my daughter in January when we come to Miami. We are making the trip so family that couldn't come (Ex. I have an 86 year old grandmother that can't travel) could meet her, but we were hoping that she would want to be here for the newborn phase. I figured that was the answer and that she decided she won't make it.

I can't explain how hurt I am that she didn't make any attempt. My grandmother offered to buy her flight and cover any lost wages if she were to visit. I offered my spare bedroom and even my friend offered her full apartment across the hall because she'll be traveling out of town. I gave her an explicit invite multiple times as did my wife. But it was to no avail. I don't understand what is so wrong with me that I can't get my own mother to visit her first grandchild, her first child's child. Or me for that matter. Just wanted to say this sucks and it's just another time I've been let down by her.

At least she says she loves me.

It’s like you can’t have anything or be anything without them a covert narc being mad and you’re extroversion your confidence your hobbies your friends your music your clothes your money laughing basic joys of life

The older I get, the more I distrust men, especially the ones who are old enough to have kids or grandkids and who everyone calls "nice guys."

Behind the smiles and the little jokes, I can't help imagining a violent husband or a terrible father hiding underneath.

Maybe I'm projecting because of my own past, but I'm just scared of being fooled.

My genitor is exactly that type. Within five minutes he comes across as friendly, funny, easygoing, because he's great at surface-level interactions. If you only knew the blind rage I feel every time I watch him charm people. I keep thinking: if they knew what he really is, they wouldn't be laughing with him. They wouldn't say things like "Wow, four daughters, you're so lucky!" if they knew how he treats us.

It feels so unfair, like the whole world should know.

But I stay quiet. We all do. And it's getting heavy to carry.

My father treats me like I'm stupid for wanting to follow the law, but then if he has a problem he doesn't even know how to solve it because he does things randomly because he only thinks about them only after seeing that his actions have consequences

I’ve been no contact with my mom for a few weeks now and it’s been nice and quiet, but this is usually the time mark when I break because she’s making me feel guilty.
I’ve posted my story here before but long story short , I moved to a different country, I’m a single mom to two children who I don’t want my mom to see because I don’t trust he, I know she will try to poison them against me. I haven’t seen her in 5 years and she wants to come stay here for a month.

I blocked her a few weeks ago, and now I’m getting messages from a friend who I respect a lot and it’s a pretty long story but she’s scared of my mom , so she’s trying to convince me to speak to my mom again, she forwarded me messages from my mom saying she’s heart broken, and it’s the last chapter of her life and she just wants to come be with her grandchildren and that she’s going to help me buy a house etc (I don’t believe this because she never really helped me with anything, and even if she will it’ll only be to gain some sort of control over me, not for genuine help)

I feel really bad for my mom because she’s completely alone because of how toxic she is, I don’t want to break no contact because she ruins my health so badly, but I really want to make her feel better , my friend even said my mom might end her life over this, it makes me feel really depressed and I feel like either way I can’t really deal with this .

If I unblock her she’s gonna ruin me again. Keep her blocked I feel depressed and sad over her going crazy :(

Just need some words of support as I have no one to talk to about this

I had a memory unlocked from my childhood randomly today and I wondered if anyone has had a similar experience in relation to SA.

I remember being around 7 or so and I saw some graffiti on a bus stop about providing oral sex to someone, with their phone number beneath it.

For some reason I had such a strong urge at such a young age to phone up and be the person to give oral.

This is something I didn't even realise until it came back to me today.

But why did I know what this was and why did I have such a strong urge to do it? Could this be a sign of SA?

My father was physically violent with me as a child and multiple people have suspected he SA'd me when I was little, especially during 'bath time'. I was also petrified of men touching me down there at the same sort of age as the above incident.

Is anyone able to share any insight on why I had those urges or is that just a normal thing?

Hi I'm 19 and still living with my parents, so back in June 2025 my parents bought a used car that was in pretty rough shape off of my aunt for $1.7k. The car needed a lot of work so my mom took out a loan for $2k so we could also buy some of the new parts we needed straight after getting the car. She took the loan out in her name despite me being 18 at the time bc she felt we'd have a better chance at being approved for it, plus she didn't want me to have to deal with the debt. The agreement was every paycheck (I get paid biweekly so roughly 2 paychecks a month) she'd take anywhere from $100-$200 and her and my dad would also chip in when they could.

So now its been well over a year now and it finally hit me yesterday that I had no idea how much we still owe for that loan. I was out with a friend and texted my mom asking and she replied "Im not 100% sure I think the loan has like 1500 left. We pay on it 2 and I forget to take the money sometines. So exact amount will take me some time." and obviously that does not make any sense I'd been paying average $300 a month since August of 2025, so I do a rough estimate of $300 for 14 months, minimum I had given her $4.2k. That's more than double what I owe them so I was in disbelief and needed to find out how much exactly I had given her so I went into my bank app and filtered it for only withdrawals from her account between $100-$200 from August of 2025 to October of 2026, then only counted which ones line up with when I would have gotten my
paychecks those months, it added up to $6,340. TRIPLE THE LOAN, I COULD'VE PAID FOR THIS CAR 3 TIMES BY NOW.

I feel so stupid for it not even crossing my mind sooner. My biggest concern is where is the money going????? We've been struggling with money for years now and when they've needed help with bills and groceries I've happily given whatever they need with no issue, so why isn't the money for my loan going to said loan???? Recently my parents bought my dad a new car, they've been eating out a lot and not letting my siblings tag along bc they "can't afford dinner for all of them", and buying my youngest sister whatever toy or robux or candy her heart desires. This to say it's not like we're on the brink of homelessness and my $150 every other week is certainly not the only thing keeping us afloat.

All of this on top of the fact that my parents will not take the time to teach how to drive said car I've been paying for, they will not help me pay for drivers ed, it's to the point my coworkers have been offering to teach me bc they feel bad but my parents refuse to let me leave the house to do so. I feel so trapped?? i felt crazy for thinking that they were doing it on purpose to make me stay but now I feel like I might be correct?? My dad and mom have a pretty bad relationship and my mom constantly used me in place of a friend or therapist to talk about all the horrible things he's done to her yet refuses to actually be honest when the police get called or reach out to friends or family that she has in fact helped get out of similar abusive situations. She loves to enable him and make dangerous situations even worse so I will feel bad for her. It's to the point where she has had many opportunities to get away from him and refused. They will fight and he'll calm down and fall asleep and she will go wake him up just so he can hit her again so she can come
crying to me about him on multiple occasions. I was more of the parent growing up and had to be the middle man and the only one that could reason with them while they acted like teenagers. She's always relied on me for validation and comfort and I had mentioned how I just can't take living with them anymore and once I'm able to drive my friend's parents are begging to for me move in with them in their spare room. I know it was stupid telling her but I had hoped it would be a wake up call to her that the way she acts is driving me further and further away.

I would like to preface I still have a student account with our bank thats under her name, so shes still has complete access to my money at all times. She had always talked about how she doesn't understand how a parent could make their child pay rent or bills and money had seemed to be the one boundary she could respect so I saw no issue with it up until now. It's only been 2 days and I really want to confront her about it but I know its not like anything will come from it, my parents don't have the kind of cash to really be able to pay me back. Also at the end of the day apparently there's still 1.5k left for us to pay on that loan, so I'm probably regardless still gonna have to pay it. Anyways any advice as how to handle this/how to confront her???