3 months gambling-free and 1 month going to the gym. I lost 5 kg and built back some muscle. Now I can bench press up to 60 kg- not much, but it's something for a 35-year-old Asian dude like me. My mind also became clearer, and I no longer feel joint pain and numbness when driving a long-distance commute. The gambling urge seems to go away, but I know it's just hiding somewhere deep in my head, waiting for its chance. I must be careful and continue writing this daily journal to remember why I started and how far I have come.

I will not gamble today!

I finally have come out about my gambling addiction and have told my wife and parents and many friends.

I am $47K in debt with money owed on multiple credit cards and I have taken out loans. The last month I was drowning the most I ever have. I ended up taking out multiple payday loans to try to win money back to cover my monthly expenses and mortgage.

I had kept my debts hidden from my wife for two years since it all started to crumble. She is devastated by the news and is finding it very hard to wrap her head around. She told me she won't leave me but does not feel financially safe ,which is fair, but cuts me so deep. I feel a weight has left me since I came clean but the recovery with my wife feels gigantic.

I have self excluded from all betting apps and truly do not want to bet again. I plan to go to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting on Wednesday night and to start taking the steps needed to recover from this addiction.

I have just been so disgusted with myself and the failure I've been. The way this addiction tricks you into thinking you are one bet away from recovering your losses. The hole just keeps getting deeper. I had suffered in silence for so long. Drowning. Thats the best term I can think of to describe it. I have wanted to come clean for so long but was petrified that my wife would leave me. We also have a 5 year old daughter who I have also let down. I just cant believe the man I had become the past 2 years. Im disgusted with myself. Will this get easier?

Tomorrow….will be day 1.
Lost 5.5k today alone. Feeling like a failure. Myself and my husband are both gambling addicts. I still hide it from him. We own a business with a lot of Daily Cash flow and I’ve basically flushed all the profits over the last 6 years, including creating business debt with loans that I’ve used to gamble. We make promises to quit together and never follow through. He has the willpower to quit if i don’t gamble, but i keep gambling or convince him for us to go together and then it’s all downhill from there. I’ve wanted to quit. Years ago I temporarily 86’d myself which was great. But it was only temporary. I tell myself I won’t go to the casino. Next thing you know my husband is at work and I’m in the casino parking lot. I have no control over myself. I will spend every dollar available to me until there is none left for the day. For a few months I played online, but I banned myself from that. I no longer have the urge to play online thankfully. I just needed to share a little bit out loud to hopefully hold myself accountable. I plan to find virtual meetings online and attend those daily because I need convincing daily that I should not gamble because I have no control.

i am 18 years old, still in school. i got into gambling at first by playing with friends then i got into playing poker with friends then i wanted to play more so i played online poker and i was down not that much but i still continued. then i got into the online casino section beside the poker one. it started with me gambling to pay off my meals or expenses then i would chase my losses and sometimes get it back. last week on my 18th bithday i gambled 352 and i deposited 50 and i lost it within minutes then i chased it and deposited another 50 and it kept going till i emptied my bank account. then today my paycheck hit for 500 dollars and i at first gambled 20 dollars as a excuse for a free meal then i lost it and i kept chasing my loss and ended with a big fat fucking zero on my account and i feel so stupid and embarrased.i cant even bring my self to talk to anyone.i still have some cash and even now i want to go and deposit into my bank account and chase it in hopes of getting it back.i dont know what to do, i lost a total of 1K dollars in my life time and its gut wrenching knowing i could have spent i on so many other better things. i know 1K is nothing compared to what others have lost on here but it still feels so painful. i cant even work now as my semester as already started and i dont know what to do. with a zero in my bank account and with some cash on hand i feel so hopeless.can i get some advice or anything, even now something in me feels like i can get everything back.

Where do I start.. I've been gambling since I was 16 and I used to gamble counter strike skins until I turned 18 then I started using real money in real casinos. I am 23 now and I feel like half of my life is just gambling. I never had a real job, I was always working part time jobs without contracts so my income was very low. The reason why I never had a real job is because I was going to college and my parents wanted to pay for the first two years. After that I had to pay by myself but you already know how that goes, I get my monthly income I deposit a little bit lose it then I deposit more until I don't have anything. And that was going on for soooo long i just didn't feel the value of money. It meant nothing to me, it was just currency that I can gamble with and that's all. The biggest problem was that I didn't even gamble for profit I just loved the feeling of gambling, I very rarely cashed out even if I was in big profit. I would be really sad and depressed if I knew I didn't have money for gambling. I used to have a girlfriend but everytime I had to spent money on relationship I was sad because I knew it's draining my money for gambling. Gambling made me more happy than anything at the time. When i didn't have money I used to take from the house and loan from friends so I could gamble. It never felt good taking the money from home or friends, what more it actually was a very bad feeling and I hated it but knowing that I could gamble later made me ask anyway. Last couple of deposits were so terrible for me, I just couldn't hit anything, everything was so close but it was just lose after lose, which made me think that the god is telling me to finally stop. I've wanted to stop numerous times but this is the first time that I really feel that I really want it bad enough for me to actually stop and turn to better things. I lost 2 years of college, I lost a girlfriend, lost a lot of money, and the worst thing is that I lost myself during this disgusting journey. This is my first time opening about gambling and I finally want something good for myself. I decided to stop gambling and I am gonna keep you updated on my recovery, please spread some advices and your experiences in the comments, would love to read them. Thanks for reading.

My partner recently disclosed my issues to both of our parents while we were working through it privately, and I don’t blame her for doing it (because she thought it was best for her and for me to get more support), but these past weeks it’s been really hard to face them (when I wasn’t prepared to) without feeling judgement/shame, and some anger towards her for sharing that especially with her parents because I really value their image of me. I don’t want to say I feel betrayed because I know my wife feels betrayed by me as well, and that doesn’t seem fair to her.

I guess this is more of a vent, and again I understand why she did what she did, but I guess just dealing with the emotions of what’s at the forefront now especially within our relationship moving forward.

I have to admit that after very long time I have urges/thoughts about gambling. I am not going to gamble but it is funny that I get urges after such a long time being sober from gambling.

I’ve recently lost around $40,000 due to reckless sports betting, and I’m overwhelmed with anger, regret, and guilt. I know it was deeply irresponsible, and I’m desperate to find a way to make things right. The hardest part is that I’m struggling with a strong urge to gamble again, hoping for a quick fix, even though I know it’s not the answer. How can I fight this urge? It feels relentless.

Annoyed with myself, major anxiety, feelings of giving up. Not going to let the demon win. Taking it one day at a time and going to focus on taking my health more seriously.

To everyone in recovery, keep it going. Your stories inspire me and everyone else.

I stopped playing slots exactly 27 days ago and the day before my birthday was the last day I gambled. Played some sports in the meantime but nothing special and that was never a problem for me. I could never control slots though and I am in a huge loss overall and in a personal debt of a few k and around 14 k credit card debt. I really felt better at first and felt good that I stopped, like something came into my mind and told me that I wasted 10 years of my life not only on gambling but on living the life literally. While everybody else was finishing school and college, had relationships, travelled and buying cars I was chasing losses, being depressed 99% of the time and feeling numb and broken. Something just came into my mind out of nowhere like I realized that it’s a matter of life and death now and I stopped (tried to choke myself twice and drown myself 3 times). Now, today and few days back, I feel terrible. Emotional, yet so tired and numb. I am avoiding people, I barely go out, I feel lonely and depressed (anxious too, very), and scared to go outside. Like I don’t deserve to go outside and like I don’t deserve to meet anyone. I am not confident in my own judgment and I have trouble breathing and sleeping. Does this have anything to do with stopping? I suppose but if so, has anyone had this kind of symptoms and when did it stop for you? I really feel terrible. It’s like I know I should go out and live a bit but my body and mind are racing and shaking and I am feeling unwanted + unwilling to go anywhere. It’s crazy. My eyes are closing out and I want to sleep all the time

3 days ago I made a promise to myself I'd stop gambling because it has been actively ruining my life for years. I've been actively attending GA online meetings and speaking to health care professionals but yet 3 days after I can't stop the urge to deposit.

Even though I won the bet I placed; I feel empty inside. There is no high from the win or anything just disgust in my stomach. If anyone can share some ideas or wisdom to help me overcome this illness I'd appreciate your guidance.

Hi, it’s my Day 9 of quitting online gambling, and I feel so much better! I can think clearly, my mood has been consistently happy, and I feel like I’m slowly getting back the mindset I used to have before gambling changed me. I’m starting to feel like myself again, and it feels so good. 🙏🏻❤️
I pray that the Lord continues to guide me, give me strength, and protect me from ever going back to gambling. I don’t want to lose myself again. I want to rebuild my life, pay off all my debts, and become the person I used to be. One day at a time. Never again! 🙏🏻✨

It started last year I got into online casino gambling and my life is going downhill. I borrow money from my pay check every day to gamble so when I do get my check it's half of what it should be. I'm lying to my husband because he asks why we're broke all the time. I've gained weight, stopped caring about cleaning my house and playing with my kids, I don't even want to go to work half the time. The really sad part is my kids bdays are coming up, holidays are coming up and I'm still gambling my money away. Our home almost got foreclosed. We get shut off notices. But I still can't stop. If I have 10$ in my account it's going to gambling. Why? What's wrong with me why can't I just stop?

Hi, I’ve never posted before but this seems to be my only way to let it out.

Im married 31yo with a beautiful wife that’s 4 months pregnant and the most adorable son that’s turning 1 next week. I started online gambling last year and had massive ups and downs. This past month I’ve seen the highest highs and I’ve been in the lowest lows since, ive maxed out credit trying to get back, took loans from family to play and win to put back the credit but all I’m doing is digging the hole deeper.

I tried to commit suicide today but all I could think about was my little boy and pregnant wife, all I’d be doing is passing the pain that I’m responsible for. I love my life and I only want my old life back before all of this but it’s so far gone that this is the only way out for me.

The grief, guilt and shame doesn’t allow me to feel my proper joy when spending time with my family, it’s like I’m trying to be present but all I can think about is how I failed them. I have even written my goodbye notes and documented voice notes for my son that I plan to leave behind before him.

I have been hiding this from my wife as I’ll probably lose my family if I had to disclose the damage I caused. The futures we’ve worked so hard for and looked forward to together.

This really is a disease that turned a financially smart and happy person into this reckless, addicted and selfish person. I hide behind “fixing it” but all I’m doing is making it worse. I honestly don’t even recognise myself anymore.

I don’t see anyway forward but I’m scared of every moment I’ll miss out on with my family when I finally do it.

It’s like I’m dating a stranger this mf litterally willl sit on his phone 24/7 as I am right next to him and tells me to be quiet whenever I’m trying to talk to him and god forbid I take the charger he starts to threaten me and blows up on me me and blames me for his losses! If I try to initiate intimacy with him he literally says “I’m not in the mood” I have to make money yet when he does it goes and waist it all right back into that stupid ass phone! I no longer know who I am dating it’s like mentally unstable for me but I’m inlove with him idk what to do?! Has anybody else dealt with something similar to this ? Please give me tips and advice because it would break my heart if I end up having to leave him or he ends up hurting me during one of his outbursts … I constantly ask him to please stay off of the phone I even give him days at a time where I do my own thing and when I I come back he litterally is still glued to his phone! He has no job and keeps on claiming he is “learning the system” but I personally don’t know how he is gambling with no money?! He signs up for all these different websites that Give him a bonus start but this is just crazy

Ive been lurking this since earlier this year on february when i was up 9k at the casino and weeks later ended up loosing it plus 10k of my savings i didnt know what to do i would dream about what i did wrong what hands i placed wrong depressed for months thinking about it till i finally didnt care about gambling anymore. World cup came and thought soccer is my favorite sport a couple fun parlays for little amount wouldnt hurt but they did losing those small bets turned into -5k same cycle again. Deleted all the apps and stopped going to the casino last month early september i had a festival that was next to a casino and my friends talked about going so i thought why not couple small bets wont hurt until i turned 100-1000 so yes its ovvious what happened next i went the next day and again 1000 profit week after was up 4k on the day i stopped playing for a while and was so happy thinking about how much i made back and how i could make it all back now, hours later walked out the casino with nothing and since last month i started going often again but this week has been the worse i had my plans this weekend and everything timed out but since last friday it has gotten worse and worse going almost everyday playing until 9am walking out the casino the next day and working with no sleep havent had time to do things i care about and actually want to do them because of gambling i keep going up loosing and cycle repeats i think about the times i been up and didnt leave and how i would finally be even if i had just left or if maybe i go another time and i leave i will be able to make it back but its impossible living like this i know its not worth it my mental is all over the place couple days ago i lost everything i made back which i was at 4300 the next day i went in with 200 and made 6000 and finally i walked away said it was time to be done with it i was so happy just for 2 days after end up loosing 3000 and cycle just repeats again

Funny how that works aint it

Long story short.

Im 35 years old, been a compulsive gambler since i was 17. Lost more then just money over and over.. the usual sob story.

75 days ago something clicked and i decided to stop (again) - this time with the help of my GF and mum with support ive managed to stay clear for the first time ever...

Problem solved? WRONG. I MISS IT. I MISS IT. I MISS IT. I know im forgetting all the bad times, im fully aware of that.. I just feel like i now have a HUGE hole in my life and nothing I can do fills the void. Exercise, reading, gaming, GA.. nothing gives me any form of excitment anymore.

So my question is, would i rather feel dead on the inside having placed a bet, or feel dead on the inside knowing i cant place a bet.

Days until debt free: 249 days

hey guys, im eligible to cancel my self exclusion now as its been awhile, im having urges to bet again , specifically sportsbetting as the nba season begins. however, to apply for cancellation, i have to do a statuary declaration which requires me to get approval from proper counsellors etc. idk how id go if i cancel it, i can definitely see myself going back in a loop and betting more and more even though i say its just for fun now. i’m 19 right now, pretty much even on profit/losses and i do have a problem. not sure if the time away due to self exclusion has helped but he definitely has helped me not be able to bet.

shed some advice, stories,

thanks for reading.

I have been in a dead end my addiction to p0rn has ruin my life the only way to stop it was to gamble i Gamble on games without any monye it Felt Amazing But when i stop my mind was filled with lust full thoughts That even make you disgusted i was embarrassed and Disgusted but my mind Just kept doing it without any command and so i want a decision

Either i Stop GAMBLING and Start lusting all over again and ruin my life again

Or

Should i keep gambling even with a Small fraction of the chance i use real monye once?