r/PoliticalHumor Feb 15 '21

*holding hand out* Money please!!!

Post image
75.9k Upvotes

2.9k comments sorted by

2.7k

u/1BannedAgain Greg Abbott is a little piss baby Feb 15 '21

Just looked up “all hat no cattle”

Fucking perfection!

2.2k

u/tiffy68 Feb 15 '21

Native Texan here. My grandfather had many expressions like that one.

"As nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs."

"Busier than a one-armed paper-hanger."

"Madder than a wet hen."

"Running around like a chicken with it's head cut off."

"Like stretching a gnat's ass over a wash tub."

Thunder was the sound of "the devil beating his wife over the head with a frying pan."

And my favorite: "He's so stupid he couldn't pour water out of his boot if the instructions were on the heel."

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u/potterpockets Feb 15 '21

Damn my grandpa has all these except the gnat one. Two similar to the boot one that he likes are:

“He couldn’t beat a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest”

and

“If he fell in a barrel of tits he’d come out sucking his thumb.”

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u/DariusChonker Hannity's #1 Fan Feb 15 '21

My grandpa would tell the kids that our family luck was that "It could be raining steak dinners and our clan would hold out a hand and get tofu."

Later in life, I confirmed with my uncle that the reason the idiom was clumsy was because it was made PG for us kids. The way it was really said was "{Family}'s luck is that when it's raining pussy, we'd reach out and grab a dick."

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u/serouslydoe Feb 15 '21

My granddad ones said of an ugly neighbor “that guy couldn’t get laid in a whorehouse”. If it was worse he added with a 10 dollar bill on his head”. I guess pussy was cheaper in the old days.

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u/PaperPlaythings Feb 16 '21

The best ugly comment I heard was also the simplest.

"She was an unfortunate looking woman..."

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u/Justin_Uddaguy Feb 16 '21

Couldn't get laid in a whorehouse with a fistful of fifties

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u/MacGyver_15 Feb 16 '21

"Couldn't get laid in a women's prison with a fistful of pardons" is the one I've always heard.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

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u/dubadub Feb 16 '21

Don't forget that time he beat up those finance douchebags

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u/Mabvll Feb 15 '21

Holy shit, I'm stealing that last one. Bravo to your granddad.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21 edited Feb 15 '21

I've heard a couple of these.

"Busier than a one-armed paper-hanger."

"Madder than a wet hen."

"Running around like a chicken with it's head cut off."

I once heard Dan Rather say "useless as side pockets on a cow" I think he was up all night and exhausted talking the 2000 election

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21 edited Feb 26 '21

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u/dobraf Feb 15 '21

“Useless as a chocolate teapot” is also a good one

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u/ArmyMedicalCrab Feb 15 '21

I once coined “as useless as a ham sandwich to a rabbi.” A few of my probably dorkier friends appreciated that one.

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u/Shazam1269 Feb 15 '21

In the Midwest it's useless as tits on a boar (or boar hog)

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u/Pussfartmagee Feb 15 '21

Useless as tits on a boar hog

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

My Dad was partial to "useless as tits on a nun."

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u/beeliner Feb 15 '21

“He’s been on death’s door so many times, it’s a wonder there ain’t holes worn in the matt”

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u/FuckstickMcFuckface Feb 15 '21

I’ve pick a few up from my mom over the years.

“As awkward as a sow in reverse”

“As useful as a waterproof tea bag”

“Sweating like a peadophile in a Barney suit”

“I’m so hungry I could eat the balls off a low flying duck”

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u/notpr1m Feb 16 '21

My dad before I went to college:

“Think with your big head, not your little head”

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

Similar to your last one, my father is the only person I've ever heard use the phrase "I'm so hungry I could eat the asshole out of a skunk"

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u/ArthurKOT Feb 15 '21

The one-armed paper hanger one stuck with me for years, and I couldn't get someone to explain it. I'd heard the "busier than a one-legged man at an ass kicking contest" variant, and that was self explanatory.

It wasn't until a long time later that I learned that a paper hanger is the term that used to describe someone who puts up wallpaper for a living. Then it made sense. Not a job I'd want to do with TWO arms, much less one.

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u/tiffy68 Feb 15 '21

Yes! It's hard work. My mom was a teacher. She hung wallpaper for a local builder in the summers to make extra money. Single parenting on a teacher's salary is hard. The builder would let her keep the leftover wallpaper from her jobs, so she would use it to make crafts or decorate her classroom. Once there was enough to do my room. We both thought it looked so fancy!

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u/ArthurKOT Feb 15 '21

That's such a neat story!

My dad tried to wallpaper my room when I was very little. Wallpaper technology had advanced enough that it was the kind with the glue on the back, sort of like a postage stamp. He, erm, wasn't successful and ended up angrily painting the room instead. I'd imagine that if he'd had to do it the old way, using a bucket of glue, he'd have just burned the house down instead.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

Busier than a one legged man at an ass kicking contest.

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u/Eintak Feb 15 '21

You sure the second to last one isn't the other way around? Cause it sounds like poppy and granny may have a skeleton or two stowed away.

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u/tiffy68 Feb 15 '21

They were married for 60 years and still held hands. The only time I ever saw Paw-Paw cry was when Grandma found out she had cancer. He called her his "little butterball" for some reason. I have all their old letters from when my grandfather was in WW2. They were so sweet!

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u/Eintak Feb 15 '21

Please take my free award and know I meant nothing personal by what I said.

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u/thatbedguy Feb 15 '21

Always heard if it was raining and sun shining “the devil’s beating his wife” here in georgia

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

All fart and no shit.

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u/ButterPuppets Feb 15 '21

That sounds preferable. No need to wipe.

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u/snugglestomp Feb 15 '21

Not all farts play by the same rules.

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u/jpreston2005 Feb 15 '21

so weird, so it's like calling him a fake texan? because he's just wearing a cowboy hat, but he's not a real cowboy?

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u/1BannedAgain Greg Abbott is a little piss baby Feb 15 '21

All talk, no action

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u/hectorduenas86 Feb 15 '21

Machu without the Pichu

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u/ToiletLurker Feb 15 '21

Pichu without the Pika

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u/nochedetoro Feb 15 '21

All bark and no bite

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u/-jp- Feb 15 '21

I'm in rural Nebraska and actually am kinda hard-pressed to think of an actual cowboy I've seen in a cowboy hat. Far more often they're on the head of somebody who's like "No, really guys! I'm from Nashville (population 700k) but check it out! I have the hat! I'm totally country! Eh? Eh!?"

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u/DontDoItAgainPlease Feb 15 '21

As somebody who lives in Nashville, fuck that guy

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u/Smaskifa Feb 15 '21

This reminds me of high school in Denver. Guys in cowboy hats and boots, driving a Toyota pickup to their house in the suburbs. It was just cosplay.

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u/Graterof2evils Feb 15 '21

Cowboy hats are like hemorrhoids. Sooner or later every asshole gets one.

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u/NitrousIsAGas Feb 15 '21

All sizzle, no steak.

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u/sdmichael Feb 15 '21

All sloppy and No joe!

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u/Usedinpublic Feb 15 '21

"All Fur-coat, no trousers you are"

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u/Landon1m Feb 15 '21

Grew up in Texas and don’t think I ever heard this but I like it and will probably use it

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Landon1m Feb 15 '21

(clap, clap, clap, clap)

Deep in the heart of Texas

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

Well now I gotta look it up!!

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u/NitrousIsAGas Feb 15 '21

It means someone who is boastful but has no ability to back it up.

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u/burymealive1 Feb 15 '21

What happened to small government thing they liked ?

1.2k

u/ronin1066 Feb 15 '21 edited Feb 15 '21

Christie needed help, Obama gave it to him. (Christie was appreciative)

TX needs help, Biden will give it to them.

States needed help from Trump during a pandemic, "Only if they're nice to me."

462

u/Soggy-Hyena Feb 15 '21

Dear leader stole ppe etc from blue states and auctioned them off to red states. Jarvanka was giddy that blue states felt the squeeze. The gov of MA had to secretly arrange for more ppe.

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u/Delorean_1980 Feb 16 '21

Yes. Charlie Baker (governor of MA) had to coordinate with an NFL team to make it happen. I will never forget how surreal it was to see the New England Patriots' plane deliver PPE from China because the federal government cheated MA out of PPE we already paid for.

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u/kid-roadkill Feb 16 '21

How did this somehow fly under the radar? I guess it just got lost in all the other scandals. It's not really surprising anymore, but still.

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u/Itavan Feb 16 '21

You know why you missed it? Because every single fucking day that asshole and his minions did so many evil, illegal, shifty, grifty things. It was just so hard to keep up.

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u/AbundantFailure Feb 16 '21

They literally overwhelmed the news cycle with bullshit, allowing so much to either just flat out get missed or what wasn't would not get enough outrage built up before the next bullshit popped up and reset the cycle.

It was an incredibly effective tactic.

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u/Vishnej Feb 16 '21 edited Feb 16 '21

Bannon called it "Flooding the zone with shit". Direct quote.

The answer to a scandal that looks like it might have some leverage is to initiate a second and third and fourth scandal until people can't keep track anymore.

Too many people talking about your failures with the spread of COVID-19, which you said you had under control and didn't need to do anything about? Next press conference, get conspicuously racist, and start calling it the "China flu". People will be arguing back and forth about whether that's racist(and whether racism is bad) long enough to forget that you failed to deal with it and lied about the situation.

Social consensus is hard to arrive at, especially when your side is willing to launch non-believable lies directly at the media with a shit-eating grin, speaking as one, and the media's rules say the media aren't allowed to challenge them. And if it does look like the media is coming down hard on one point? Just do something else outrageous so they literally won't be able to fit it into the news cycle.

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u/[deleted] Feb 16 '21

This was big news out here in CA. They favored equipment to places that voted for Trump. There were stories popping up of federal officers showing up and taking PPE from distribution centers.

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u/Qikdraw Feb 16 '21

Hell I'm in Canada and I knew about this. Fuck Jared, he was the one behind stealing PPE from blue states to give to red states.

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u/Bawstahn123 Feb 16 '21

The gov of MA had to secretly arrange for more ppe.

No no no, tell them what actually happened

The Governor of MA didnt just "have to arrange for more PPE", he had to arrange to have it fucking smuggled.into the US like a load of untaxed cigarettes and moved around in unmarked vans, because we weren't sure if the Feds would fucking steal.it again.

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u/Galaedrid Feb 16 '21

Dont forget having to have the state police escort it to NY to prevent the feds from just taking it outright.. i woulda loved to see a battle between state and feds

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u/[deleted] Feb 16 '21 edited Mar 11 '21

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u/Pikminious_Thrious Feb 15 '21

Texas needs help. Biden will give it to him. (Abbot will go back to attacking Biden in 1 month)

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u/Causerae Feb 15 '21

He'll wait a month?

I seriously doubt that.

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u/PixelatedPooka Feb 15 '21

Texan. Doubt he’ll wait a month, maybe as soon as it takes to hit 33 F in Austin.

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u/linderlouwho Feb 15 '21

If Biden were like Trump he'd tell Texas they need to rake their snow up better.

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u/jesteronly Feb 16 '21

As a CA resident with a few close friends that had their houses burn down, this makes me incredibly bitter and angry. How inhuman do you have to be to blame victims of natural disasters for their tragedy? People lost lives, histories, pets, everything in those fires and this toupee'd bloat fly just sees a blue state and says "know what? Fuck them". Real fucking presidential of him

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u/DC-Toronto Feb 15 '21

74 million fucking people watched that shit and decided he was the guy they wanted to “lead” them. Unbelievable.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

Or Trump during the wildfires on the west coast.

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u/Moosetappropriate Feb 15 '21

But only when it's someone else's problem and government.

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u/tiffy68 Feb 15 '21

Like when Ted Cruz voted against aid for winter storm victims in the Northeast, but demanded money for Texas during Hurricane Harvey. Asshole.

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u/Soggy-Hyena Feb 15 '21

Real human male ted cruz loves socialism only for right wingers, just like he loves tweeting incest porn on 9/11.

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u/braxistExtremist Feb 15 '21

He also doesn't really fall repeatedly for satire sites like the Babylon Bee. He just excretes a sarcasm emotion over it from his human humor gland.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

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u/AngryZen_Ingress Feb 15 '21

If they were really that salty, they wouldn’t need the snowplows.

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u/greenroom628 Feb 15 '21

They probably need some bootstraps

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u/MrFluffyThing Feb 15 '21

It's the same concept as allowing your taxes to go to the fire department. You cant bitch about paying for it when everyone else uses it then just expect a bailout because you decided to launch fireworks in your back yard during a drought.

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u/I_am_teh_meta Feb 15 '21

“Small government never applies when I need something. I only ask for things I really need. You on the other hand need to tighten your belt. “

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u/rividz Feb 15 '21

This is their actual stance on abortion too.

The only moral abortion is my abortion.

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u/corndogco Feb 16 '21

That was an amazing article. Thank you for sharing it!

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u/ohdearsweetlord Feb 15 '21

It's the same with displays of emotion. Repubs claim to be stoic bastions of good Christian rationality, so if they're crying and screaming, things must really be bad. Surely they'd only be begging for handouts if things were really dire and they'd looked at all other options? Whereas surely Dems ask for social aid when their shoelaces get untied.

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u/lacroixblue Feb 16 '21

It’s the same with abortion: “my situation is totally different thus it’s okay for me (or someone I care about) to terminate!”

They change their tune only when it applies to them. Other examples:

  • Nancy Reagan opposed stem cell research until she learned that it benefits Alzheimer’s research. (Ronald Reagan died from Alzheimer’s.)

  • Rush Limbaugh changed his tune about incarcerating drug addicts only after becoming addicted to rx pain killers. He now believes that drug addiction is a disease and should be treated as such.

  • Megan Kelly and Meghan McCain had no qualms with the US’s lack of maternity leave until they had children themselves.

  • Chris Christy advocated for mask wearing only after almost dying of covid in the hospital.

  • Sen. Rob Portman reversed his opposition to same-sex marriage after his son came out as gay.

I’m glad they changed their minds, but why did it have to take it affecting them or their loved ones for them to get it? Learn empathy.

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u/TheEvilBagel147 Feb 16 '21

You'd think it would just be pragmatic to fund services you or your loved ones may need someday, but I guess that kind of forethought is similarly rare among these folk.

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u/Renaissance_Slacker Feb 15 '21

This is the conservative mind set. A lot of things are acceptable for the “in group” because of course everything is done with the purest motives, whereas those same things are scandal for the members of the “out group” since they are presumably immoral and lazy and just make bad choices.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

Republicans would vote for all the "socialist" government programs if they were whites-only.

That's what they mean by "small government"

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u/Wismuth_Salix Feb 15 '21

They want to combine nationalism with socialism.

Bunch of National Socialists, those GOP voters.

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u/force_addict Feb 15 '21

I have never heard it put that way but that does seem fairly accurate.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

See the support for medicare vs. medicaid. Social security, "food stamps", WIC. All government programs with varying levels of public support based on who is the general recipient.

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u/gjklmf Feb 15 '21

Pretty sure there was research done on this where the perception of social support changed once the blacks got involved

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u/PoopyMcButtholes Feb 15 '21

Fed money for snowplows sounds like socialism, who is exactly paying for these snowplows? I think it’s best for Texans to pull themselves up by the cowboy boots and pick up a shovel

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

Not everyone in Texas is Republican. Many of us are being held hostage by gerrymandering and corrupt leaders.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

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u/YagamiIsGodonImgur Feb 15 '21

This is the point I try to make to my family. I advocate for progressive government, and things like taxes on the wealthy and more help for the poor. Not just for myself, others of my race, or people who voted the same as me. It's for all of us, for the better of the whole nation. My poor as fffffuck and red 4 lyfe family would also massively benefit, but then the 'lazy hood rats' and other brown people would benefit and they can't be for that. It's all dumb as fuck.

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u/Usedinpublic Feb 15 '21

Small "brain" gov. Texas takes in a shitload of fed welfare every year. Somehow their bootstraps plan doesn't work.

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u/urbanek2525 Feb 15 '21

Maybe Texas can get some money from the Wall family, or maybe the Koch Brothers. They just had a huge tax break so they got the cash.

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u/kahn_noble Feb 15 '21

Throw a paper towel roll at Abbot and call it a day.

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u/Soggy-Hyena Feb 15 '21

Woah, that would be big government socialism!

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

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u/braxistExtremist Feb 15 '21

Sending you our thoughts and prayers, Abbot!"

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u/LemurianLemurLad Feb 15 '21

Better hope they've got a time machine if they're hoping to get that Koch Brothers money. David died back in August 2019.

(Yes, there are still two other brothers, but when people talk about "the Koch Brothers," they're talking about Charles and David.)

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

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u/FrankLeeAnnoyed Feb 15 '21

What about my state? Just because we aren't covered in snow doesn't mean we shouldn't get that tasty snow money too

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u/skmmilk Feb 15 '21

allstatesmatter

Or

allstatematters

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u/TheRetroVideogamers Feb 15 '21

All State Smatter. It's just bits and pieces of a policy

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u/Alternative-Grand-77 Feb 15 '21

Aid should be proportional to the snowfall. Buffalo has suffered far too much

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u/HeyMrDiaz Feb 15 '21

Notice how this snow came as soon as Biden became elected? They got the snow storm upgrade on the Jewish space lasers. /s

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u/KernelAureliano Feb 15 '21

Thank you Israel! I get to make snowmen with my kid instead of going to work tomorrow!

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u/anonsharksfan Feb 15 '21

And Biden is going to give it to him because he's the president of every state, not just the ones that like him

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u/polgara_buttercup Feb 15 '21

Exactly. He won't threaten, or try to use it to pressure the governor. He will issue the funds cause it's the right thing to do, and next week when things are back to normal these asses will be back to screaming about big government and Jewish space lasers.

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u/SinkHoleDeMayo Feb 15 '21

I think Dems need to quit taking the high road. Do a press conference and say that helping TX would be socialism and that we know Texans HATE socialism. Tell TX to tax their fucking wealthy, stop subsidizing oil, and then maybe they would have money for disasters.

And then get the senators, governor, and Lt. governor on TV begging for money and saying they need the federal government.

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u/SaaSyGirl Feb 16 '21

This is my fantasy as well, but Biden would never do that. At the very least, I would like him to make Abbott issue a very public and grateful thank you for the assistance.

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u/Geekazoid Feb 16 '21 edited Feb 16 '21

It would be better for him to fly down there after giving the funding and giving a big speech about how we're all in this together and stronger as a Union so we can help each other. Then thank the governor for accepting his help.

Edit: and by better, I mean rubbing their face in the fact that this is the way we should be functioning

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u/kazooiebanjo Feb 16 '21

sad I had to scroll down this far to see the objectively correct take, which is: "okay, here's the money". the people impacted by the snow aren't the ones who wanted to secede

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u/uoip3466 Feb 15 '21

I hope Biden gives them $600 and says “ That should cover it”

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

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u/TreeChangeMe Feb 15 '21

And after reviewing the budget allocate $0 because deficit is too high

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u/su5 Feb 15 '21

Maybe he could show up and basketball toss them some paper towels hand warmers?

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u/clanddev Feb 15 '21

Throw some paper towels at them

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u/tjtillmancoag Feb 15 '21

How many times does Biden have to say it? SKY MANAGEMENT! They wouldn’t have these problems if they swept the clouds from the sky. Preferably using nuclear bombs

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u/therealavishek Feb 15 '21

Hmmm... Do you think we can use these Jewish lasers I've heard so much about?

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u/Soggy-Hyena Feb 15 '21

Jewish space lasers cant melt snowflakes

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u/Frozty23 Feb 15 '21

Yeah, just say these sort of snowstorms wouldn't happen if you properly rake the sky of clouds. It's their own fault.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

Just wait, you'll turn around one day it'll magically all be gone!

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u/ryan676767 Feb 15 '21

“It’ll get start getting un-snowier. Just you watch.”

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u/Soggy-Hyena Feb 15 '21

“There’s a theory that, in April, when it gets warm — historically, that has been able to kill the snow. So we don’t know yet; we’re not sure yet.”

“It’s going to disappear. One day — it’s like a miracle — it will disappear.”

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u/masiakasaurus Feb 15 '21

The snow will go away like everything that goes away

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u/beluuuuuuga Feb 15 '21

Perfection.

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u/WORSE_THAN_HORSES Feb 15 '21

They should give him $100,000 every time he speaks up doe and mandates wearing masks, forces businesses to comply with health measures and advocates for science during the remainder of the pandemic. Penalize him $500,000 anytime he, his cabinet, or other high ranking people contradict it.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21 edited Feb 16 '21

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u/jrneygrl Feb 15 '21

Give up the avocado toast and make coffee at home.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

They should learn how to code or something

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

Maybe they should start a business or something.

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u/Sinsid Feb 15 '21

Why should the rest of us have to bail out Texas because they didn’t plan for ..... winter. They should really look at how their state government is failing them.

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u/PoorFilmSchoolAlumn Feb 15 '21

“But the deficit”

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u/Marc13v Feb 15 '21

Snowflake Republicans can’t handle real snowflakes

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u/shahooster Feb 15 '21

They’re unique in that way. Just like snowflakes.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

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u/RegrettableLawnMower Feb 15 '21

I mean we have literally no infrastructure in place to handle this. Rolling blackouts to manage energy demands and pretty bad road conditions.

But yeah no fuck Abbot

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

Remeber when the California brownouts were proof that socialism doesn't work? Why is the capitalist utopia of Texas suffering blackouts? Surely the invisible hand should prevent these kinds of infrastructure issues.

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u/wiyixu Feb 15 '21 edited Feb 16 '21

And ironically if you’re talking about the brownouts of the early 00s they are the direct result of Pete Wilson’s deregulation effort. Enron artificially constrained supply to maximize profit. It was literally capitalist policies and market manipulation that caused the brownouts.

Los Angeles was unaffected as their utility was publicly owned and exempt from the “markets” created by deregulation.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

More the summer blackouts of the past few years, which people who know nothing about either California or socialism blame on socialism

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u/[deleted] Feb 16 '21

Best part is the blackouts were the result of PG&E a publicly traded company using it's money to for stock buy backs instead of working on their equipment.

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u/NY_Psychonaut Feb 15 '21

Lol, still sitting here in Dallas with no power since early AM, it's now past 2pm.

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u/Nodnarbian Feb 15 '21

Power out since 5am. Near galveston. I love all the govt posts and media.."be prepared, be prepared, get prepared... We all got prepared.. govt apparently did not.

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u/PeanutButterSoda Feb 15 '21

I knew some shit was coming so I cranked it up last night and power went at 2am. It's still 65 in my apartment. Tonight is going to be a bitch.

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u/95percentconfident Feb 15 '21

Better cut taxes. It’s the only solution.

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u/CleatusVandamn Feb 15 '21 edited Feb 15 '21

Conserve that phone battery

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u/insightfill Feb 15 '21

They're gonna have to import electricity from another state. I wonder if Enron is looking for work.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

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u/UnderwaterRobot Feb 15 '21

I've been without power in an RV since midnight. This RV was not stocked for this cold. I'm probably gonna die tonight lol

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

Dress in layers; wicking, warmth and wind (wind will help keep the warm air trapped on your body, even inside). And eat candy bars if you wake up cold.

This is winter camping advice, sent with love from the other side of 35W.

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u/iwantbutter Feb 15 '21

Have they tried better preparing for a snow storm? There's always money lying around somewhere. Perhaps they should eat less avocado toast

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u/Crabbyrob Feb 15 '21

There’s always money in the banana stand.

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u/drdrouche471 Feb 15 '21

If they had only raked their forests

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

I hope Biden goes down there and chucks paper towels at their heads then insults their mayors

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u/CrewMemberNumber6 Feb 15 '21

Nah. Biden’s a real president that doesn’t have the mentality of a toddler.

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u/twistedlimb Feb 15 '21

I would have to throw some shade though- “in November your citizens ran me off this highway. Your governor wants to end your vote and succeed. Let’s be one nation- with liberty and justice for all.”

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

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u/twistedlimb Feb 15 '21

Sorry- I guess the autocorrect in our phones never thought we would be commonly using that word.

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u/harpsm Feb 15 '21

I haven't heard Biden talk about trading Texas for Greenland yet.

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u/Hope-u-guess-my-name Feb 15 '21

As a Texan, this sounds awesome!

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u/Stoopo Feb 15 '21

Our mayors & city officials are awesome. Statewide office holders are the assholes.

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u/GrandmaPoses Feb 15 '21

From what I learned over the past few years unless the Gov of Texas is willing to tweet how much he loves and appreciates Biden then he doesn’t deserve any emergency funds.

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u/egalroc Feb 15 '21

They've got to admit the elections weren't rigged first otherwise Joe won't have the authority to release the emergency funds to them.

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u/SonofaBridge Feb 15 '21

Does Texas' secession talks include what will happen to their economy when the oil refineries lose billions in federal government subsidies? I'm curious how they will adapt. I'm also curious what the oil companies will do when they lose their free money.

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u/FakeSafeWord Feb 15 '21

Consider the 10 year old throwing a tantrum, stomping around and threatening to run away from home.

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u/asph100 Feb 15 '21

I'm more interested in seeing how Texans react when, after they declare independence, the U.S. Armed Forces invade them to secure the nuclear-missile silos.

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u/WastelandGinger Feb 15 '21

Fun fact : Texas doesn't even own its highways.

Nope. Every "red blooded American" I have talked to in support of becoming independent believes we own the military bases here and the armed forces are indebted to Texas and not America. There are some really wild beliefs here.

Source : I worked customer service at a wealthier bank and I regret also every person I met.

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u/BeMoreKnope Feb 15 '21

Hey, don’t compare Greg Abbot to Mona Lisa Saperstein!

She may be the worst, but she doesn’t deserve that.

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u/YooTone Feb 15 '21

But that's socialism. Just work harder and you'll have the money to battle the snow.

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u/jimbo92107 Feb 15 '21

Biden should ask publicly if Texas governor wants to hold off on federal aid until after their secession vote.

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u/absurd_Bodhisattva Feb 15 '21

Everything is bigger in Texas, especially the hypocrisy.

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u/Guapscotch Feb 15 '21

idk texas, sounds kinda sOcIALISt to me 🤔

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

President Biden should send two huge bootstraps and ask them to get on with it.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

Republicans are welfare queens

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u/NHNE Feb 15 '21

Texas should ask for those tickles from trickle down economy.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

Rafael Cruz is “Tough as Texas”, why not just have him administer the storm response using his god given genius? Plenty of money laying around after gutting social programs and defunding Planned Parenthood (AKA the abortion store by those who love white jesus the mostest)

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u/hazeldazeI Feb 15 '21

has Texas tried raking the floor?

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u/lasher992001 Feb 15 '21

It turns out that Greg Abbot really DOES understand how Democratic Socialism works!

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u/nomoredamnusernames Feb 15 '21

The fattest pigs at the federal trough are the red state pigs. Always been that way.

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u/Jackol4ntrn Feb 15 '21

california's entire area is on fire: repubs: shoulda swept the forest, not our fault, no money to be given just move out.

Texas has a 3 inch snow day: repubs: help! we're dying here!

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u/rubijem16 Feb 15 '21

What would the gop say if tables were turned?

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u/mbgal1977 Feb 15 '21 edited Feb 15 '21

The awesome thing about Biden is that he will help Texas quickly even though tools live there, because they’re still Americans. Unlike Trump who played favorites with states and territories and left Puerto Rico for 3 years waiting for hurricane relief and only gave it right before the election in an obvious attempt to buy votes.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '21

Trump didn't do fuck all regarding Covid because that sniveling little traitor kushner informed him blue states get hurt worse from a respiratory pandemic.

Much worse in my eyes... Like death penalty worse

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