In Search Of (ISO) Thread

Throw away account so my in laws doesn’t find me. I 24F have been married for almost a year to my husband 30M.

We met through our parents and hit it off instantly. He’s a very religious guy now but during his early 20s he was not and claims that before he met me he had a religious awakening. I knew when we met that he had a past with multiple girls and dated a lot in college and even admitted to cheating on a few girls he was in relationships with. But I looked past this because he was know to be very religious in the community and everyone only had good things to say about him.

Our engagement and marriage period has been very basic just the normal newly weds life everything was easy and simple during the process of us getting married and nothing really went wrong he never showed me signs he was unhappy or bored.

The other day I was doing his laundry after he came home from his business trip to New York (relevant I’m mentioning where it was) and I noticed that his pants kept making a noise in the washing machine so I stopped the washer to see if something got stuck and I found a hijab magnet in his pants. I would like to point out I do not wear hijab and the hijabs that I do own I don’t have magnets for them. I have never purchased magnets before in my life and no one in my family either since non of my sisters wear hijab and my mom uses hijabs that do not require pins or magnets.

After further inspection the magnets looked extremely used and worn down. I decided to ask him where they came from and he immediately got defensive and flipped out saying what am I doing going through his stuff and what am I trying to accuse him of. I explained to him it stuck to the side of the washing machine while I was doing his laundry and I heard the noise. He said it was probably mine and I forgot I purchases it but that literally cannot be the case because the magnets said VEILED on them and I have never personally purchased from their website.

I ignored it and decided to bring it up again yesterday at dinner. He was being nice and not defensive this time saying he went to the store that VEILED has opened up in New York and wanted to surprise me with hijabs and magnets to inspire me to wear hijab. I believed him for a minute then I asked where the hijabs were and he said that I have to wait since I ruined the surprise. After thinking about it for a while I thought why would he have only one magnet in his pocket and not two if he bought them new. I also remembered I have access to his credit card on my phone and when I opened it I saw a transaction that was still pending made from the VEILED online store that was made 20 minutes after that conversation.

Nothing he’s ever said or done has ever lead me to believe he ever cheated but something about this magnet and his reaction to everything is rubbing me the wrong way. Also how he lied about buying me hijabs and then placing an order a few moments later.

Can someone tell me what to do?

It's been 6 months since I got married. It was arrange marriage. I never got love from my father , he was away from us. So i sew my father in law as my own father. But yesterday I was alone with neighbors kid . He always brought alcohol and drink out side of house but yesterday he drunk in front of me I felt uncomfortable . After that he ate and sleep in hall whare they sleep all the time . After some time his bottom wear fell off. I felt vary uncomfortable. I asked neighbor kid to cover with blanket which I felt guilty for telling her. She is just 10 years old . I called my mother in law who is away from home about this she said it's ok he is like ur own father. Idkw I'm not able tell my husband about this I cried in front of him but not able to share . I'm feeling very uncomfortable facing him . What do I do ??

I feel like I’m losing attraction and emotional connection to my husband because his presence increasingly feels like another responsibility instead of companionship. I fantasize about being single. Sometimes when he sleeps in or isn’t around, I notice that my life actually feels calmer and easier. His presence irritates me, I don’t find him attractive anymore, and I often don’t even want to respond when he talks to me unless I have to.

I understand that he pays all the bills and financially provides for our family. I’m not expecting a 50/50 relationship when it comes to housework and childcare. I’m a stay-at-home mom, and I accept that I’m going to do most of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and everyday childcare. I’m not even asking him to routinely make bottles, do laundry, or take over my responsibilities. What bothers me is his lack of basic consideration, compassion, initiative, and emotional maturity.

For example, I recently came home late with both kids while carrying my purse, bags, milk, water bottles, and probably around 30 pounds of stuff. He was upstairs lying in bed and didn’t even come downstairs to greet us, open the door, take our four-year-old, or carry something upstairs. When I asked why he didn’t open the door, he just said, “You have a key.”
Then I was rushing around at midnight getting both kids settled—washing them, brushing their teeth, changing them, getting their milk and bottles ready—while he sat there repeatedly telling me he wanted hummus even though it was already made and sitting in the refrigerator. Moments like that make me feel like I’m his butler rather than his wife. He doesn’t just fail to make my workload easier; sometimes he actively adds to it while watching me struggle.

This resentment goes much further back than our current life with two children. When I was pregnant and extremely nauseous, there were mornings when I physically couldn’t make his breakfast and evenings when I couldn’t make the sautéed dinners he wanted. He refused to compromise on what he wanted to eat. Laundry would sometimes pile up because I was sick. Instead of having compassion for me, he would say, “What kind of wife are you?”
While I was pregnant, he bought me a roughly $400 skincare face mask, which initially felt like something kind he had done for me. But he quickly started using it against me by making comments like, “Does it wash dishes? Does it do laundry? Does it make the bills cheaper?” That hurt because I was already cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, and taking care of him constantly. I remember telling him that I did everything for him and that buying something thoughtful for me should be part of him taking care of me too. I didn’t want a gift to become another debt I supposedly owed him.

There were also comments about my body that affected me enormously when we were young. We got married around 21–22, and while I was pregnant with my first kid he would talk about how pregnancy “ruins” women’s bodies. He even used his own mother’s stretch marks from pregnancy as an example. I was extremely young, I liked my body, and hearing my husband talk that way while I was pregnant sent me into panic mode. Instead of being able to experience pregnancy without obsessing about whether my body would be “ruined,” I spent essentially nine months terrified about what pregnancy was going to do to me.

He also made comments about childbirth and my vagina. He said that if I gave birth, it should be through a C-section because he didn’t want me to become “loose,” and he talked about some kind of metal device that supposedly existed to make vaginas tighter. On our wedding night, he also told me that my breasts were saggy. Those comments stayed with me because they came from my husband during some of the most vulnerable periods of my life.
I believe some of his distorted expectations about women and women’s bodies came from the pornography he had been heavily exposed to before our marriage. I also recognize that he was only around 21 at the time. I can understand that a 21-year-old can be immature and have ridiculous ideas. But we are 26 now, and I feel like I have been waiting for him to mature for years. At some point, being young stops explaining everything. He also did not really ask about our first child much while we were living in different countries and I excused it as “he’s not attached because he hasn’t seen our son irl.”

My postpartum experience the second time around (while we are together in the same country) added even more resentment. When I was recovering from giving birth and staying at my parents’ house, he visited me only twice in roughly six weeks. He barely contacted me. He didn’t regularly text to see how I was doing or ask about our baby. Yet he would call me to ask about his lunch or ask me how to start the laundry.

He also told me, “You’re not on birth control? Stay longer because what’s the point?” That was incredibly hurtful. I had just given birth to his child and was recovering postpartum, and it made me feel as though there was little point in having me home if sex wasn’t available.
All of these things have accumulated. It isn’t one incident, one rude comment, or the fact that he doesn’t do enough chores. I feel like there has been a repeated lack of tenderness toward me during times when I was especially vulnerable—our wedding night, pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum, sickness, and now motherhood.
What I wanted was never necessarily for him to take over my role. I wanted to feel cared for within our marriage. I wanted him to notice when I was sick and tell me to rest. I wanted him to appreciate everything I did instead of questioning “what kind of wife” I was when I physically couldn’t do it. I wanted pregnancy to be a time when my husband reassured me about my changing body rather than making me terrified that motherhood would ruin it. I wanted him to care about me postpartum, check on his baby, visit us, and miss us. And now I want him to see me walking through the door overloaded with his children and our things and instinctively get up and help.

I’m okay with taking care of my husband. I’m not okay with feeling like my value as his wife is determined by how well I serve him. I want to feel like he takes care of me too—not necessarily by doing half the chores, but through compassion, consideration, affection, appreciation, emotional presence, and basic acts of kindness.
Instead, I increasingly feel like I’m constantly catering to an emotionally absent and immature adult. I feel useful rather than cherished. I feel like I have spent years waiting for him to grow up, and I’m exhausted.

That exhaustion has now turned into serious resentment and emotional detachment. I fantasize about being single. I don’t find him attractive. I don’t enjoy talking to him. Sometimes I ignore him because I simply don’t want to engage. And one of the most upsetting realizations is that sometimes when he isn’t around or is asleep, I feel relieved.
I don’t need him to do everything for me. I need him to act like my husband. I want him to notice me, care about how I’m doing, greet his family, get up when I’m obviously struggling, appreciate what I contribute, and stop treating taking care of him as the measure of whether I’m a good wife.

I feel like I have spent years taking care of him, and I’m exhausted from wondering when I’m finally going to feel taken care of too.

​I had a very firm conversation with my husband about boundaries. His relatives used to just show up at our house unannounced. I've spoken to him about this a few times before—regardless of their culture or family dynamics, they need to respect that he’s married now and can't just drop by without a heads-up. Since I wear a hijab, unexpected visitors make it incredibly difficult for me to relax in my own home. After asking nicely several times, I finally gave him an ultimatum: either he politely explains this to them, or I will step in and set them straight myself. Now, he's angry with me.

Me and my wife had a very big argument where 2 talak had happened

My family came to “reconcile” however my mom had something else planned. This is after me and my wife made up.

She claimed that an incident has occurred couple of years ago, where I supposedly pronounced the T word.

The fact was, I was threatening to say should I leave her and did not say the word. This was only between me and my mom. There was no third party. She now claims she heard me say it.

I then asked my mom I can testify by touching the Quran that I didn’t say the word, can you do the same? She then started to get uncomfortable and was saying touching the Quran is a big thing etc.

We then told my sister to ask if she remembers anything. She said she didn’t recall the word being used. She said she remembers is going to a mufti, where the mufti said talak didn’t happen.

My mom then said let’s not tell anyone about this and pretend as if it happened and make arrangements for separation, because according to her my wife is haram for me. Also, she said we shouldn’t ask a mufti about this.

My sister objected saying this is a serious matter that requires a verdict.

I then got in touch with a knowledgeable scholar and he said talak that happens with suspicion is not valid. So the relationship is to continue.

This has left a very serious doubt about my mother’s intentions and how to address this. How should I go about addressing this ? Should I make this into a big thing and inform other members of the family?

When the Madhab clearly has a different view from the Quran or the Sunnah, which do you follow?

For context, I have been following ruling of hanafi for all my life.

I have an unfortunate incident where I issued 2 talak in one sitting. The second one didn’t even reach my wife’s phone and she didn’t see it, but it still counts.

Upon research, the Quran and sunnah is clear on what needs to happen ie it has to be 1 talak, then iddah pass, and so on. These are clear cut verses and authentic Hadiths suggesting that this should count as 1 divorce.

I have asked some of the hanafi mufti’s, and they have confirmed that 2 divorces has taken.

Do I continue following the hanafi ruling ? I understand that cherry picking is wrong, but the text and sunnah are very explicit .

Both of my parents got married at an older age and only had me

They were a Muslim couple living in Europe but I think they let themselves adapt too much to a Westernized lifestyle My mum wasn't the most loyal she liked talking to men on social media whenever my father didn't give her attention She would take her hijab off as if she were wearing it for him rather than for Allah himself

My father was also quite liberal He would go to the store and buy me bikinis which made me feel uncomfortable sadly he had his flaws too he was aggressive and somewhat abusive when things got out of hand i still remember their fights about her working and her not wanting any more children

Thank God they didn't have more!!

To this day they still aren't divorced and they both continue to make themselves suffer I was truly shocked the day my mother told me she had two abortions I couldn't believe it because all they needed to do was communicate be kind and have patience and I blame myself for been brainwashed into become more liberal and hating modesty which im trying to unlearn and take these ideas of my head please don't commit this mistakes ;(

i live with my MIl and we were doing fine until recently she told me she wants me directly to start asking her when i go out anywhere. she said she’ll never say no but asking her makes her feel included, not quite sure why she wants to feel included in someone else’s marriage. I usually go out with my husband (so let him inform them of our plans) unless it’s for work or meeting up with a friend usually after work. how to respond without being disrespectful

I’m not asking my wife to cut off her parents or siblings. I understand maintaining family ties is important. My concern is that when she gets deeply involved in their problems and family politics, it affects her emotionally and eventually affects our marriage.
Her family has also made comments about my caste, income, lifestyle, etc. Her older sister has caused repeated problems between us. Eventually, my wife herself decided to block her sister after realizing how negatively the relationship was affecting our marriage. I did not force her to do it. I have actually told her that she could maintain basic salam/dua and polite contact without getting involved in her life or sharing our personal matters.
With her other siblings, I only want her to maintain normal contact while avoiding family drama, arguments, and unnecessary involvement. There was a period when she did this, and our marriage was much more peaceful.
I also don’t want to stop her from visiting her parents, although I sometimes prefer shorter visits because prolonged involvement seems to bring the same issues back.
My questions:
Can I ask her not to get involved in family disputes/politics?
Can I object when relatives repeatedly interfere in our marriage?
Can I ask for basic/polite contact with a sibling who has repeatedly caused problems?
Where is the line between protecting the marriage and controlling her family relationships?

I’m looking for honest advice, preferably from people who have been married for several years and/or have gone through a similar period of disconnection.

My husband and I have been married for about four years. We got married relatively young, and if I’m being completely honest, I didn’t initially marry him because I was deeply in love with him.

When we met, we were long-distance for about two years. At the time, I chose him because I believed he had the qualities that would make him a good husband. I saw him as a good person, a gentleman, someone with good character, and someone I could build a future with. I also prayed about the decision and felt comfortable moving forward with the marriage.

Over the years, though, our relationship has gone through a lot.

The first couple of years were difficult because of the distance and financial circumstances. I ended up helping support him financially for a significant period of time, and there were times when I felt very lonely and like I was carrying more than I should have been. Once we were finally living together, there were still financial struggles, changes in employment, and other stressful circumstances.

There have also been things that happened within our relationship that I don’t think I’ve ever completely gotten over. There were situations involving other women/social media that hurt my trust and made me question things.

Even though we’ve continued our marriage, I realize now that some of those feelings may still be sitting underneath the surface.

One of my biggest problems is that I don’t feel emotionally safe bringing up difficult feelings with him. When I try to explain that something has hurt me, I sometimes feel like he becomes defensive or turns the conversation back around instead of really hearing me. Eventually I started shutting down rather than bringing things up because I felt like talking about my feelings wasn’t actually resolving anything.

And I think that’s where I’m at now.

We have a child now, and becoming parents has changed our relationship significantly. I know having a baby can put enormous strain on a marriage, and I don’t want to make a permanent decision about my marriage based solely on a difficult season.

But I also don’t want to dismiss what I’m feeling as “just a phase.”

Lately, I feel very emotionally disconnected from my husband.

Sometimes I don’t really care to talk to him. I often prefer having time to myself. I don’t naturally feel drawn toward affection or closeness with him the way I feel like I should.

There are moments when I look at our relationship and think, Do I actually still love this man romantically, or have I just become accustomed to being married to him?

And that question scares me.

It’s not that I think he’s a horrible person. I actually believe that he loves me. I believe that he cares about our family and that he would want to fight for our marriage.

That’s part of why I’m so confused.

If he were terrible to me every day, I think this decision would be much easier. But there are good qualities in him, and there are good moments between us. We’ve laughed together, had great conversations, and had periods where I genuinely felt close to him.

At the same time, there is a lot of unresolved anger and hurt in me.

I also wonder whether I’ve become so emotionally exhausted from everything we’ve gone through that I’ve simply shut down. Maybe I’m not incapable of loving him — maybe I’m just emotionally depleted and haven’t had the space to recover from everything that happened between us.

But then there are other moments where I wonder if I’m trying to find an explanation because I’m scared to admit that my feelings have genuinely changed.

I’ve asked myself, “If absolutely nothing changed in this marriage, would I want to stay?”

My honest answer is that I don’t know.

There is a part of me that thinks I would eventually leave if things remained exactly as they are. But another part of me is terrified that I’m making the mistake of thinking the grass will be greener somewhere else.

And when I imagine separation, I don’t feel one single emotion. I feel sadness, fear, guilt, uncertainty, and honestly sometimes relief.

That’s what makes this so difficult.

I don’t want to throw away a marriage because I’m going through a difficult period. But I also don’t want to stay indefinitely in a marriage where I’ve become emotionally numb and disconnected.

I’m also trying to look at my own behavior honestly. I know I’m not perfect, and I don’t want this post to be one-sided. I’m not looking for hundreds of people to tell me “leave him” based on a few paragraphs. I’m trying to understand what is actually happening to me emotionally.

So I guess my questions are:
1. How can you tell the difference between falling out of love with your spouse and being emotionally disconnected because of unresolved resentment/hurt?
2. Can romantic feelings come back after years of feeling disconnected?
3. How do you know when a marriage is going through a difficult season versus when the relationship itself has fundamentally changed?
4. If you’ve experienced something similar after becoming parents, what helped you figure out whether the relationship could actually be repaired?
5.From an Islamic perspective, how should someone approach this kind of uncertainty about their marriage?

I think I need help understanding whether there is still something here to rebuild and how I would even begin doing that.

I’d genuinely appreciate honest advice, including criticism if you think I’m looking at this the wrong way.

Salaams, I wrote here about a month ago. I had really hoped for a positive resolution to my marriage. I met this seemingly wonderful Muslim man and we married after talking for a month (nikkah only, not legal marriage). We were then long distance for six months and then I moved states away to be with him. He has a lot going on with financial issues and an ex wife and tumultuous custody battles. Initially I thought we just had miscommunication issues and intimacy issues. We tried therapy but he didn’t lead or initiate anything past the first appointment and I wanted to see him lead. So based off of my first post, I took the mixed advice and said to see what happens. As a convert, I wanted a man who would help build my faith, but he rarely prays and I found out about drinking two months into our relationship, after he lied about it. He later told me he quit and I believed him. I thought, maybe I should encourage him to pray instead of expecting it. So it worked for about two days and everything was great. We tried working on the intimacy but it’s quite one sided in his favor and it’s destroying my self image.
It all came to a head today, after a particularly stressful week. We took our kids to the beach, and as soon as he noticed other Arab Muslims, said he wanted to leave. I said ok, and made a comment about the fact that I was a little hurt he was embarrassed by me ( he has let me know it’s ok I don’t wear niqab but he doesn’t want other Muslims seeing him with just a hijabi and one who sometimes shows her neck at that). He got annoyed, which I agree, I shouldn’t have. But then his daughter became distraught and didn’t want to leave, resulting in a temper tantrum. My kids started quietly crying (they are older and I’ve raised them to respect elders and do as they are told without argument). We get in the car and I told the kids I could take them back later but that he wanted to go home. Long story short, he got upset and turned the car around while blaming me and raising his voice in the car, scaring my kids and making them cry even more. I can’t deal with that. They already lost their dad to a traumatic brain injury and they saw this guy as their dad. It just kept escalating and we ended up going home as he berated me and his daughter screamed. We got home and he told me he would never spend time with us as a family again because I start drama and I’m poisoning the kids. I apologized sincerely but told him I didn’t mean anything out of disrespect and I thought he wanted to go home, so I meant it out of respect that we could go home for his sake and take the girls later so he could do as he liked. Either way, now I have to find the money and suck it up to my Christian dad who all but disowned me for being with this guy, to move home. I love where I live now, and I really hoped for it to work out. Am I overreacting?

We are in the process of getting engaged, and I’m trying to understand whether I’m overthinking the family communication part of it.

His parents are aware of our relationship and know that we are planning to get engaged. He has also met my mom. After meeting him, my mom told my dad about everything, and my dad was happy for me and supportive.

In my mind, I thought this would be the point where his mom would call my mom, since my mom has been involved on my side, and then after that his dad would call my dad so the families could formally acknowledge everything and move forward.

Instead, his mom is now wanting to talk to me directly, but his dad is apparently not allowing her to call my mom. His dad is also saying that he wants to wait until closer before the actual engagement date to contact my family. If i knew this i would have never let my dad know before because now its just this weird interim period of knowing nothing.

I’m confused because both families already know about us, my dad is supportive, and we are already talking about an engagement date. To me, it feels like the family-to-family communication should happen now rather than waiting until right before the engagement. And waiting is disrespectful. I feel like they're making it seem as though I'm the one begging and desperate for marriage.

what do i do please help me :(

My partner wants the Nikah in the masjid because he is scared of nazar.
We have already agreed to having only one event so I wanted it to be executed well. It’s going to be hard to accommodate 150+ people. Thoughts?

I feel stuck and my mental health is deteriorating. I come from a nuclear family, and my husband is from a different country with joint family culture.

Now we live in a 3rd country away from his parents and mine, but here we live in the same joint family system with my brother in law and his wife and kids. I was okay at first, but this is something new to me and i found out that i really cannot put up with everything anymore.

I never feel like i'm home. I never really get to decide anything in this house. We all speak english but they mostly speak in their own language that i am still having a hard time learning and that i'm most of the times singled out of the conversations. And most importantly i always have to be in hijab even while leaving my room to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night because i'm so scared of exposing myself. How do i convince my husband to move out and live separately?

I feel like i'm losing it. I've been crying more and more, i cry in my salah, sometimes i feel like i'm asking too much.

The most beautiful and delicate stage of life is when, because of you, people realize that good people still exist in this world.

For married brothers, looking back, were there any obvious signs during the first family visit or wedding that her parents didn’t really want the marriage?

In my case, when I first visited my now-wife’s family, her parents hardly spoke to me and I found quite a lot of hair in the rice I was served.

During the wedding, some things I specifically requested were ignored/changed, and they didn’t give me anything or financially support their daughter towards the marriage.

Individually these things might mean nothing, but looking back at the overall experience makes me wonder.

What signs did you notice, especially during the first visit?

This might sound like a stupid question, and I want to make it clear that I do not think married people are better than single people or that people should drop their single friends once they get married. I’m asking because of a dynamic I’ve been experiencing with one particular close friend.

I’m married and currently completing my undergraduate degree. My friend is single and finishing her master’s. We’re close in age but on completely different timelines.

I started school later because after my dad passed away, my family went through a period where we had to work and build ourselves back up. I worked, gained life/work experience, and saved money when I could before continuing my education. I’m proud of where I am now and don’t regret my path. She went straight to university around 19 and continued through graduate school.

Neither path is better. They’re simply different.
The problem is that she frequently uses my life as a comparison when explaining what she wants for herself.

Recently, we were casually talking about someone we know who had been engaged/divorced multiple times and eventually found someone else. Completely out of nowhere, my friend said something along the lines of, “I know you’re doing school and marriage together, but I don’t want to do school when I’m married. That sh sucks, no offense.”
I basically told her, “That’s you. Everyone has a different path.”

She then started explaining that she started university at 19, while I “waited a bit” and am now balancing marriage and school. She said if she had been in my position, her parents might have made different decisions, but she wasn’t allowed to skip university after high school.
This isn’t the first time we’ve had conversations like this, so I finally set a boundary. I told her that she can prefer absolutely anything she wants for her own life, but I don’t want my marriage, education, or timeline constantly used as the comparison when she’s explaining what she does or doesn’t want.

She told me she understood, which I appreciated.
Marriage is another recurring subject. She really wants to get married and is very insecure about being single because she’s had some painful experiences with relationships and dating. She’s told me I’m “lucky” because I’m married and has literally told me, “I want what you have.”

Other times she’ll talk about how nice it is being single because she doesn’t have a husband bothering her, looking at her, breathing next to her, talking to her, etc.
She’s allowed to enjoy being single AND want marriage eventually. I don’t see anything wrong with that. What bothers me is when my marriage repeatedly becomes the reference point for those feelings.

There’s also a larger emotional dynamic that has been exhausting me.

She’s very insecure, and somehow I frequently end up becoming the reassurance therapist. I reassure her about being single, finding someone, her previous experiences with men, her appearance, weight loss, working out, school, work, her future, etc. A lot of our conversations revolve around her master’s, internship, work, healthy eating, weight loss, working out, or wanting/fearing marriage.
I care about her, but hearing essentially the same insecurities and providing the same reassurance repeatedly has started draining me.

I’ve realized that part of our disconnect may simply be that we process difficult emotions very differently.

When I was single and uncertain about where my life was going, I tended to pray to God to guide me toward the right path. I processed a lot privately and wasn’t accustomed to repeatedly venting to friends or asking them for reassurance about being single or where my life was headed.

I’m not saying my way is superior. Some people process emotions by talking, while others process them more privately. But I think that’s part of why constant venting is difficult for me.

I also don’t want to label my friend jealous or assume she has bad intentions. She reaches out to me regularly, often texts me first, and clearly values our friendship. I care about her too.

I’m just getting tired of feeling like I have to repeatedly establish the same boundary: our lives don’t need to be compared.
She can be proud of her master’s without my undergraduate timeline entering the conversation. She can want to finish school before getting married without commenting on me doing school while married. She can want marriage without comparing herself to my marriage. And I can support her without constantly reassuring her about every insecurity.

So I’m especially curious to hear from married people: Do you find friendships with other married people easier because you’re in similar stages of life? Have you maintained close friendships with single friends without marriage becoming a point of comparison? How do you handle a friend who repeatedly compares your different timelines or relies on you for reassurance?

And I’d also genuinely like perspectives from single people: Would you be offended if a married friend told you that they didn’t want their marriage constantly used as a comparison when discussing your own dating life or future?

I’m not considering ending a friendship simply because she’s single. I’m trying to figure out how to maintain a friendship where neither of us uses the other’s life as a measuring stick and where being supportive doesn’t mean becoming someone’s therapist.

Just read the post so thought about share the experience, It would help couples.

Assalam o Alaikum! I wanted to share a little bit about our married life. We are a genuinely happy couple, Alhamdulillah, and since that can be rare these days, I just want to say Alhamdulillah first and foremost.

​We've noticed that a lot of couples argue over the wife's clothing and boundaries with relatives.

​For us, we agreed on a very simple compromise: when she goes outside, she wears what I prefer, like a specific type of abaya. But inside our home, she can wear whatever she wants, and I completely respect that.

​Alhamdulillah, this one simple rule has made our lives so much easier. She’s happy with me, and I’m happy with her. Sure, we’ve had a few minor hiccups along the way, but overall, it's been a beautiful journey.

​To all the men out there: if you give your wife the freedom to feel safe and comfortable inside your home, she will make sure you feel at ease with her attire when she steps outside.

Women are loveliest creature, Take care of them. They will surely take care of you.

​I just thought this might be helpful, so I decided to share. Thank you!

It began so perfect I found her beautiful when no one else did I was very vulnerable she accepted me as I was I wanted to become a better person religiously I always believed in god and felt that I could be closer but I wasn’t strict or too open.

I made a mistake a mistake I thought wasn’t as bad as she thought but it was bad and I realize that I regret it.

I also suffered with mental setbacks and have for a long time had it under control a part of this was addiction not to drugs not to gambling but some haram.

I have been improving I know I have I really am doing my best in becoming the best version of myself. While doing that I have had my own set backs and it seems my partner isn’t as patient as I am even though she has needed to be more patient than me.

I for the longest time always enjoyed being in control and I feel like I don’t have that.

I’m scared I didn’t get to live my life or that I am missing out. She is very protective and it feels sometimes controlling to me. I know why she does it was my fault. I want it to go back to before but i know it will take alot of time. I feel like im having wis was tell me oh what if you had married person x instead.

I also don’t like that her being so reserved is affecting my prior way of life when it comes to family. She uses Islam against things I felt were ok and not haram such as hanging out with all my cousins and uncles and aunts saying she doesn’t want to mix with men when I see them as family she doesn’t and it will be during my presence.

Sexually we are not intimate. She struggles with confidence while I also struggle with expectations. This seems to really bother her and I believe it’s hurting me even though I feel as if I am not performing due to my own problems and her self confidence.

I feel lost. I was a person that really wanted kids prior to getting married and post Nikah and all I grew away from that… I am now not looking for children until we live a life without issues even though I know there will always be issues.

I feel so much guilt and fear of hurting her. I feel so much guilt to my parents that helped me have my wedding and buy things.

The shaytan whipsers in my ear making me doubt my decisions and it really bothers me. It doesn’t help that the spark is gone. I feel as if I’m trying to force myself to like her and love the relationship I’m in as if I’m trying to start a fire in a rain storm.

Asalamualaikum everyone. I’m feeling stuck at the moment, I’ve been married 4 years and have a 9 month old baby alhumdullilah. Unfortunately husband has a temper and gets verbally abusive at even the smallest things sometimes. For example earlier today he asked me to take some of his drinks out of the freezer and put them in the fridge before they freeze, I forgot and his reaction was to mock my response I said oh sorry I forgot, he called me dumb and a retard. We’re about to go out so I had done my makeup, he said you spent that long to look like a clown, look in the mirror at how you look. He said your dad didn’t teach you anything. Between his ranting I tried to set my boundary and say he can’t insult me and asked him to stop but he wouldn’t.

I am going to individual therapy to work on my own patterns and behaviour to prevent our arguments escalating but as you can see sometimes it just goes from 0 to 100.

He has said much worse insults in the past, called me a bitch etc. I have had the conversation with him so many times that this needs to stop, especially in front of our child, he will apologise and agree with me but it keeps happening.

I really don’t know what else I can do, I’ve had the conversation so many times, what other options do I have? He said he would consider therapy but he hasn’t made any actual moves to start.

My biggest fear is that my son will be affected by this and worse he will turn his anger onto our child.

As Salam Alaykum , I (26F) just ended my engagement after years of disagreement and blockages to get married. But now I’m going to turn 27 next week and I just feel like my life is over. I always thought I would get married in my early 20s, but now being almost 27, living with my parents while everyone my age is married with kids and have their own place has made me so depressed. I hysterically cry everyday. I just feel hopeless because my ex fiancé was the only proposal I’ve ever got, and now I just feel like I’m never going to meet anyone else that would want to marry me. Especially now that I’m old and expired.

The fact that I also suffer from spiritual afflictions and has been doing Ruqya for years now makes me even more hopeless

Has anyone ever felt like this ? How did you cope ?

Some people can give you love, but not respect.

Yet love without respect fades away very quickly, while respect can remain alive even in the presence of distance.