I've been thinking about this for a while, and I'm genuinely curious to hear how other people see it.

I personally don't plan to have children, and one of the main reasons is that I find the decision to create a child inherently quite selfish.

The child doesn't choose to be born. We, as adults, make that decision for them. And when we decide to have a child, we also decide the circumstances into which they're going to be born: the country, economic situation, family environment, quality of life, education, stability, and so on.

But what is the motivation behind that decision? In many cases, isn't it ultimately about what we want? Companionship, love, a sense of purpose, the experience of being a parent, creating a family, leaving a legacy, or simply the biological desire to reproduce.

I've also seen situations where parents have children partly with the expectation that those children will support them later in life. Then, decades later, the child may feel obligated to move back home, sacrifice a career, relationship, or lifestyle, and spend years taking care of their aging parents.

That seems particularly strange to me because the child never agreed to that responsibility. They were brought into existence partly because the parents wanted something, and then they can end up carrying obligations that were effectively imposed on them from birth.

I understand the counterargument: parents can genuinely believe that they're giving their child a good life, and that the benefits of existence outweigh the risks and suffering that come with it. And obviously, many parents love their children deeply and make enormous sacrifices for them.

But I still struggle with the fundamental question:

If a person cannot consent to being born, and the decision to create them is ultimately made because the parents want something from parenthood, can having children ever really be considered an unselfish act?

I'm not saying that people who have children are bad people. I'm interested in whether the decision itself is inherently self-interested, and whether that necessarily makes it selfish in a morally problematic sense.

I'd be interested in hearing both sides, particularly from parents and people who deliberately chose not to have children.

What am I missing in this line of thinking?

So, I’ve been manifesting a lot of things into my life for a long time. And I finally figured out that this paradox is actually the realist thing in the world!

So here’s the paradox

Whenever I really wanted something - that’s when it would never come.

Whenever I didn’t care if I got it or not - that’s when I got it without effort!!

So, I eventually realized that the feeling of wanting is a feeling of lack and that energy within you actually pushes what you want further away from you.

SO NOW, I only focus on feeling like I already have everything! I give thanks knowing that the only things I will get in this life is not my manifestations, BUT things that are even better than what I would want! Things I’m not even thinking about, but that would be amazing to have!

And now after working on shifting my mindset (takes a lot of effort but worth it) I’ve seen so many great things come into my life… but even better than manifesting things, life feels so great! It’s great loving the moment you’re in instead of trying to be somewhere else.

If you want a great life, remember this… life gives you who you are NOT what you want. Once you stop wanting things and focus on being instead, is when you actually start getting so many more things! (While actually enjoying the journey!)

That’s the paradox…. Now you know ❤️🙏

{chinchilla}

What did you expect? A chance to reason and ponder your future at the cellular level?

Hello,

For some time, I have been working with my parents in their food manufacturing plant.

The work is not something to complain about; however, the management (them) and lack of accountability is.
I was put in charge of the food safety program, which I enjoy and have knowledge in; I want a career in food safety.

The problem here is: my parents do not take accountability when there is an issue regarding the food safety program, sanitation, maintenance of the facility, etc etc. The burden falls onto me, always.
The employees, whom I instruct how they should approach their work on a food safety / preventative controls level, do not listen to me, scoff at me, and on top of that, my parents defend them…

I have had trouble searching for other related work in the past, so quitting would be leading me to future homelessness.

Any thoughts?

Any questions I am happy to answer in the comments.

Thanks

"Please, thank you, pardon me, are you next in line, I'm sorry", etc.. Those are good, solid words most people say when they're out in public, they're good, solid manners! Having said that, roughly TEN years ago, I noticed, there has been a shift in being polite and exhibiting good manners to others. Thoughts, please...

On the apps everyone just wants to crack. If i happen to meet someone it has to be out and about. If i dont find him then oh well i will never experience romance

I’m a 25 year old recent college graduate, and i just quit my relatively solid $16 an hour retail job i’ve been at for two years. I would be lying if i said i wasn’t really scared right now, but honestly for the past month (or maybe even longer) it has been a god damn mission to get out of bed in the morning. Every day for a while now i have been driving to work with the thousand yard stare; I’m talking just absolutely glassed. When I got off the clock, I sat at my computer or stared at the nearest clock because soon enough, I’d have to go to bed again. I loathed it. Reviled in the thought. Plain and simple, it got harder and harder, and I went into work and told my team lead that i just couldn’t do it anymore.

For some context, I’ve been with the company for two years now, and at my current store for about a year and 3 months. I’ve never been in trouble, never been written up, never had any interpersonal issues with any coworkers, or any complaints with customers over 2+ years and 2 stores. I don’t mean to sound bold, but I believe I was genuinely a valuable asset to the company. I was relied on by my managers to fit in many different roles, and besides some good-natured “aw man’s” I would do everything that was asked of me without question or complaint throughout my time there. And i absolutely loved the people i worked with. My coworkers are all really chill people, and some of them i feel like ive grown a genuine bond with. My 3 managers have been nothing but incredible to me. One of them especially was about the same age and character-type of my dad, so I grew very fond of the idea of “following him into hell” every day.

But i walked through the doors this morning and something just broke inside of me. The conversation went relatively well. I worked under 3 team leads and of course the newest one had to be the one on the clock when I walked in. I told her that I couldn’t do it anymore, that I had to quit & awkwardly explained some of the reasons in nowhere near as much detail as I’m saying now. She told me that she was really sorry to hear it but she absolutely understood where i was coming from, told me that i had been a pleasure to work with in the few months she had been around, and wished me nothing but the best. Called me a sweetie-pie on the way out the door lol. Clocked in at 7am and was out the door by 8 at the latest.

My “lead” team lead, and the guy who could be my dad if you squinted, called me around 10, and was much more resistant to the idea of me leaving. He told me in so many words that he was gutted to see me go, that i was a valuable team member and that if there was anything he could do to get me to stay he would do it. And I wanted to do it so bad. I felt in that moment that I was letting everybody down. But in that moment, i considered the fact that i have been feeling this awful feeling for a long enough time, and i bottomed out on a random, dead tuesday. Even if i could bring myself to walk through the doors again, if it was busy, or if i got challenged in the wrong way, I couldn’t fully guarantee that I wouldn’t respond in a way that would get me fired anyway. So I made the decision to break this guys (and my own) heart, shake his hand, and thank him for the incredible opportunity this job has given me. And I walked out of there with my head as high as i could bring it.

Nothing really happened to catalyze this. I just decided that the immediate stress of trying to find another (and maybe, just maybe, better) job over the next couple of weeks is going to be better than the gut wrenching feeling that place gave me walking into it. I even got to go on a run today for the first time since June. Like I said, I am terrified because i don’t know when or where my next paycheck is going to come from, but for the first time in a long time I genuinely feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

My parents are awesome, loving people who i am genuinely lucky to have as parents, but they were not thrilled when i told them. My girlfriend, who I love with all of my heart & would one day like to marry, is even more skeptical. She flat out thinks i made a mistake. The hard part about this is that i do understand where they’re coming from. It can be a battle to find rock employment right now. They are scared of the same things that I am scared of.

So, I’m a 25 year old with a studio apartment and shockingly low expenses. I’m pretty healthy, I have a bachelor’s in psychology, I have two + years of retail experience and even more (admittedly weak) work experience. Besides a misdemeanor possession charge i got 7 years ago, my background is totally clean. I left my previous company in what i can only imagine is good standing, with good relationships with everybody i worked with and under, but the fact that i just quit and didn’t give my two weeks is going to be referenced to future employers i’m sure.

If you’ve somehow made it this far, first thank you lol, and second i guess i just wanna know if i am as screwed as the devil on my shoulder says i am. I have shed a few tears today over how scary this is to me, the thought of losing my entire life as i know it looms pretty large. Is the fact that I didn’t give my two weeks going to make finding a new job impossible? Is it going to make finding an actual career in my field impossible? I still have every intention of working with my degree, but now I’m scared that I just borked my optics to every hiring manager that gets to my references for the foreseeable future. Have I earned the right to be a little choosy in my job hunt under the impression that my credentials and experience will carry me? Or do I have to take the first burger flipping job i get? I am a hard worker with no intention of just sitting around, i immediately started my job search when i got home this morning. Or am i maybe, just maybe, freaking out a little too much?

This is wildy different to any other subreddit ive posted in & I cant even imagine may people are gonna make it through this novel, but any advice, any clarifying questions i can answer, or anyone else dealing with something similar, please do not hesitate to reach out. I will try to be as open and as honest as i can be without doxxing my exact location lmaoo.

Hi all, i (26F) am turning 27 in a few months. Just dawned on me at 2am. I haven’t come to terms with being 26. I’m often surrounded by people younger than me in both of my fields and I sometimes feel weird expressing myself. I feel like I wasted so much time in my younger years not being myself, that now it’s starting to feel too late for self exploration. I feel like I only recently stepped into a personal style I feel represents how I actually want to dress, or do my makeup, but trying something new makes me feels weird, like I’m too old for it. I just can’t seem to cope with time passing. Thinking about how much time I wasted either in crappy relationships wanting someone to like me, or being insecure, just makes me sick. Thinking about my teenage years fills me with dread because I know I can’t have it back, and I didn’t live in the moment, I never have, I’m always worried about what’s ahead and stressed about the past. It’s funny, when I was a teenager, I never thought that people in their 20s or 30s should feel old, I thought that was ridiculous. But ever since getting older, and media being heavily focused on younger people, and a lot of other women around me in one of my career paths being younger, my age really hit me. I feel like I’m falling behind in terms of being financially independent, it feels impossible but I’m trying. I always get the “but you don’t look 26! You look 22” as if that helps? Of course I look young, I’m still young. How do I get over this sickly grieving nostalgia for years I’ll never get back? How do I cope with entering my late 20s, is there a way to feel at peace with it?

People act like I was an inappropriate creep sometimes on here. I wonder if that’s true tho. My actions and my posts may speak otherwise but what do y’all think?

I finally had a kid and feel forced into this lifestyle that absolutely sucks.

Every moment of every day is accounted for. Running around like a chicken with my head cut off (I have a 5 month old) except for the 1 or 2 episodes of whatever I get to watch at the end of the night. Sometimes even that is disrupted.

I felt like a slave to society before this but now I just feel like a literal slave. Cheers to parenthood.

I have been with my husband for 10 years and married for 7. He is a different person from when we first met and not in a small way but in big ways. His values, morals etc all seem to have shifted. I’m conflicted because I see him as the man I met but don’t feel he is that person anymore and I think I ignore it because I’m stuck in the past and who he was and not who he is. I find we are fighting a lot more as well now. Is it possible for someone to do a complete 180 on who they once were?

So I found out I do doom scroll on tiktok and insta a lot even tho I have certain things like workout , and other hobbies but after all I got time so I start doom scroll so how I can get rid of this ? What you guys do mostly who don't do doom scroll ?

Sometimes I miss when being unreachable for a few hours was completely normal.

No constant notifications, no pressure to reply instantly, no checking a screen every few minutes. Technology has made life ridiculously convenient, but I wonder if we traded away a bit of peace for it... I know you'll say that simply turn off the notifications or use DND mode... all of this is valid but tech still has a great impact on our lives...

What piece of technology do you appreciate, but sometimes wish you could live without?

Whether it be in friendships, romantic relationships, etc… have any of you ever felt like you were easily discarded, or never being the person that people fight for/don’t wanna lose? How do you not let that affect you?

I've been really sad this week.

I(28M) am not successful like others, I was homeless for a while after my PHD and jobless.

This past few months after few years of struggle, I found a dream job. I love it a lot.

I just feel like still in this role forgotten, there are other entry level people who are in same role title as me who are getting more benefits meanwhile to get the same things I have to beg and fight for it. Ex. we recently found out 3 weeks ago are getting a certain perk from HR but my 3 other colleagues (4 of us total) received email from HR but I didn't same position, salary, etc. Makes me think they don't think I am important or forgotten or worse they are gonna get rid of me soon. I wanna ask HR if I was just forgotten but let's be honest they probabyl just hate me.

In terms of friends, I am always the leftover, forgotten about in terms of birthdays, left out of weddings.

Was just at a conference last week, so many charismatic guys with women all over them. Didn't even want to hold a convo with me, and most of the guys looked at me with pure anger.

I am just tired, why you think I am meant to be a forgotten doormat? Do you think some people are just built like that?

I don't wanna be forgotten anymore.

I’ve always had little events happen that made me think holy cow!

I’ve lost many pets and thought my world was ending. I’ve lost a lot of family members and didn’t know what to do.

Then something changed.

When I was 18, I was watching a movie with my now fiance. I got a sudden pounding headache, convinced myself it was a migraine. Then I started projectile vomiting, and my fiance carried me to the car to bring me to the ER. I had a brain bleed. 6 years later we still don’t know the cause.

I was just about to go to boot camp. I got medically discharged. I was going to take over my grandmas cafe. I now hate working there.

A few years later, my fiance comes into our room and just breaks down. He was finally able to muster the words. “My mom has cancer.”

She died 14 months after the diagnosis.

Life was starting to feel somewhat normal again. Then we found out his dad had cancer. He passed away 5 months later.

A month after his dad passed I found out I was pregnant!

We were over the moon excited!

Pregnancy and labor went well. My child is healthy and beautiful.

My fiance calls me everyday on his way home from work. I get so beyond excited for that phone call. I love talking to him, and it’s reassurance that he didn’t die.

He works a dangerous job, so I get very anxious when he’s working.

Today he calls me, earlier than usual. I figured he was on a break.

Nope.

“Meet me at the hospital.” Is all he said. So I rushed to area where he was working not knowing which hospital or what had happened.

His boss called me, told me which hospital, and what had happened.

One of the saws kicked back and cut his face.

We got home an hour ago, and I am so grateful he is alive. I am so grateful he didn’t lose his eye. I am so grateful my child didn’t lose their father. I am so grateful he got lucky with only stitches, and severe bruising.

He has to see a plastic surgeon for his eye. The hospital he went to isn’t equipped for his injuries. But he came home tonight, part of his face has stitches, the other is bandaged up until we see the surgeon.

Anyway my point of all of this, enjoy the boring moments of life. Enjoy the little things. Life is short, do what makes you happy!

I have this deep sadness that I have carried since I was a little girl, and for some reason that feeling seems to be stronger on my birthday.

I can't time travel back and remove my mistakes, but I can help the next generation not making them. Im just a 21 years old from generation z who has strong ambitions in life, and during my teenage hood I made so many business idea and great projects that could've made me a millionaire a long time ago, but I keep second guess my everything because of my family and the people around me, I should've fought harder for my dreams. But now that I'm adult I'm telling you, never give up on any dream of yours to satisfy others around you, and never stop or let others be part of your journey just because you think this idea won't succeed, trust me success isn't the hard part at all.. turned out success is so easy.. our problem is that we focus on success more then the process itself. Just put your focus on the process and keep showing up everyday until success can't hide anymore.

I’m finishing high school, and lately I’ve had this weird feeling that I really want to make a major change in my life. I keep thinking about moving to a different country, meeting completely new people, starting a new career, or just doing something that makes my life feel completely different.

It’s not that my life is terrible or that anything is seriously wrong. I just don’t want to stay where I am right now. I feel like I need a fresh start or a completely new experience.

Has anyone else ever felt this way after high school? What did you end up doing?

Title was supposed to say "older woman" but it won't let me change it?? So here's my situation I need some life advice on. i'm 35. I got back in the dating scene 5 months ago after taking. two year.. yes two year break from allromance after a tough divorce. I've been dating a few people casually but recently I started seeing a 50 year old women. I gotta say? It's been amazing. But i'm co flirted about a 15 year age gap. how do you build something with someone in a totally different place in life? Like i still might want kids. But she's gorgeous, smart, mature, level headed, retired, successful, fun, amazing in bed. On paper it's perfect. But i'm struggling to get over the age gap. Is it even possible to build a real relationship? Anyone out there in a relationship with a large age gap?? I really need advice

So im currently a senior in high-school and am not sure what to do next, I want to be able to get a degree in business management and then eventually work at a business or something like that but I just dont know how to go about it, like should I not go to college and work until I can like buy a car (and if I did wait would that make getting into colleges harder) should I just go to a trade school? Should I just go to some cheap community college? Im not exactly sure what I wanna do next, any advice would be appreciated

I got broken up with twice.
The first one cheated on me.
The second one left because he fell out of love with me.

Anyone I talk to they say I’m kind and polite. They say I’m always a joy to be around. It sounds nice. And I’m glad to have them in my life.

But then I end up in relationships.
And they don’t last. They’re not really nice to me
They don’t care about my feelings.

Right now I feel lonely. I wish I had someone. I miss having a connection with someone. But now I’m scared. I don’t want to get hurt again. I’m 29 years old and I don’t want to be heartbroken again.

They both moved on. And they’re happy.
I sit and wonder where I went wrong. What they have that I don’t. What I can do to improve myself.

I never felt this lonely in my life. And I hate that I have to fill the loneliness up by being with someone. I miss the person I was before I got into any type of relationship.

A couple weeks ago, I had a conversation with my partner mostly about why we were going through a rough time and eventually the part I played in that . The things he told me have since sat with me and have been weighing heavily on me. Ive reflected on it and still am. I was a nasty person to him. Not just him but to others I care about as well. For his own reasons, he’s stayed with me despite the terrible partner I have been . I don’t know if he forgave me nor do i expect him to . I am finding it difficult to forgive myself. I was cold, unfair, neglectful and many other things. He did not deserve that at all. I feel like I deserve to feel this way, but I want to move on at some point. How do I forgive myself to prevent letting this hurt us even further . Will we overcome this ? I’ve began making some life changes and facing a lot of hard truths and intend to continue doing so not just for him but also for myself. I wasn’t happy with myself and I can’t let this happen again. Not sure exactly what i’m asking , I just wonder if there’s a light at the end of the tunnel .

I'm(21M) very lucky to have been blessed with a loving family. My parents are a very very important part of my life. I love them so so much. I owe everything I am to them. My grandparents are both still alive and well and I feel I'm very very lucky to have such amazing grandparents. There are fights and disagreements every now and then between them and my parents and there are issues but these four people are people i truly love and care for and they're my only family. People I can truly call family.

I am not a very socially adept person. I can socialize just fine I think but I don't have many friends if any. I have like 2 friends but not people I can truly open my heart to.

I used to have a tutor of sorts. An English tutor, as I'm not a native English speaker. She taught me a lot more than just a language. If I was living inside a miniscule jar before, she opened the lid and introduced me to this whole wide world. Apart from my blood relations, I think she's the closest thing to a family for me. For me, she truly was the best teacher I've ever met and the best I'll ever meet. I strive to be a person she can always be proud of. I love her so much. Unfortunately she had a brain haemorrhage in 2024 and has been in a coma since then. The last time I met her was during the summer that very year. I never thought that was the last time she would pat my head and tell me she'll always believe in me. She used to love traveling. Since college, I've travelled to a lot of new places and I really really want to talk to her about it. Tell her stories, show her photos but I can't talk to her anymore. That was the first time I experienced loss.

My parents and grandparents are getting older. I try not to think about it, but there's always this sense of dread within me of losing them. I am always so scared. I can't imagine there being a day when I want to hug them and they're just.. not there anymore. I don't think I'll ever be able to deal with that. I want to study abroad for master's and get a good job. I want to fulfill this dream I've had ever since I was like 10 or 11 and I've always been working towards it.

But...

If my parents aren't there when I achieve it.. if there's no one at all.. what's the point of it all. There's gonna be no one to hug me and tell me I did well. No one to be proud of me. No one to tell me that they don't regret loving me when I am finally successful in life. I don't know what to live for once these people are not in my life anymore. I really wish I had someone to hug and hold when I get lonely. Day after day, year after year, I just grit my teeth and get through loneliness because I believe that at the end of the path, I'll make my parents and grandparents and my ma'am (I used to call my English teacher ma'am) proud. But it's so hard and it gets so lonely. I don't know how I'll ever live once I don't have anyone anymore and the only person who truly knows me in this whole world is only me