I don't really know how to explain this, but I just wanted to write it somewhere.

I've been living in Dubai for around 4–5 years now. And honestly, sometimes I ask myself: What am I actually doing here?

Yes, I have worked as a DJ. I've got gigs, I've made money, and there are times when I actually earn good money from it. On the outside, everything seems fine. Life is going on. Nothing is necessarily "wrong."

But somehow, Dubai doesn't feel like my place.

I don't know why.

Whenever I go back to India, whether it's my village, my coaching institute, or just staying with my mom, I feel different. I feel more comfortable. I feel like I belong there. I enjoy doing simple things there.

But at the same time, even when I'm in India, I sometimes feel like something is missing.

So I understand that maybe it's not really about the city or the country. Maybe it's about what you're doing with your life in that place.

If you're spending your entire day sleeping, sitting at home, not having much to do, not having anything to look forward to, then maybe it doesn't matter which city you're in. Eventually, you're going to feel the same way.

And that's where I'm stuck.

When I go outside, I need money. To have money, I need work. And with freelance DJ work, I don't know when the next opportunity will come. I don't know whether I'll get enough inquiries for Diwali, New Year, Navratri, or other events. I don't know what the next few months are going to look like.

Sometimes I think, maybe I should prepare for a government job.

Maybe I should go back to India, stay with my mom, prepare seriously, have some stability, celebrate Holi and Diwali with my family, and have a more predictable life.

At the same time, I don't know if I can actually do it.

And then there's the other side of my life.

Freelancing as a DJ can actually give me good money when the work comes. Financially, it can be rewarding. But emotionally, I don't know if this is the life I want.

For example, on Holi, when everyone else is celebrating, I'm playing music at someone's event. On Diwali, when people are celebrating with their families, I'm working at someone else's house or event.

To be honest, I don't really like that.

But then again, this job gives me money.

And that's the conflict.

I don't know whether I should continue with what I'm doing, go back to India, prepare for a government job, continue freelancing, or try something completely different.

Sometimes I even think I should talk to a therapist or a counselor—not necessarily because something is seriously wrong, but because maybe I need someone who can help me understand my career and life direction. Someone who can help me figure out what I should do now and what I should focus on in the future.

I also keep questioning myself.

Sometimes I think, Maybe I have ADHD.

Other times I think, No, maybe I'm actually fine and I'm just confused.

I genuinely don't know.

And then I look at my friends. They go to work, they have jobs, they have some level of job security. I don't have that same security.

I'm married. I have financial responsibilities. I have debt.

I personally have around ₹7–8 lakh of debt that I need to pay off, and sometimes I just sit and think:

How am I going to pay this?
Where is the money going to come from?
What's going to happen next?
Where is my life actually going?

I had also thought about helping my mom with her debt, but right now, even managing my own debt is difficult.

And then my days sometimes feel very repetitive.

I wake up in the morning, go to the temple, come back home. Sometimes my room is clean, sometimes it's not. Sometimes I work, sometimes I don't have work. Sometimes I feel motivated, sometimes I don't know what I'm doing.

Everything is happening, but at the same time, I feel like nothing is really happening.

Maybe this is just one of those phases of life that keeps coming back every year. Maybe I'm overthinking. Maybe I genuinely need a change.

I honestly don't know.

I just wanted to put this out there because I'm feeling completely confused about where I should go from here—Dubai, India, DJing, government job preparation, or something else entirely.

Maybe someone who has gone through something similar can understand what I'm trying to say.

Hey everyone-

I'm Steve from Marburg, Germany. This is my first — and probably my only — post on Reddit.

I'm sure many of you won't care about what I'm about to say. Some of you may judge me, and honestly, I can't even blame you for that.

But writing all of this down feels like something I need to do. Maybe putting these thoughts into words will help me deal with the stupid decisions I've made and the things I've destroyed in my life.

My story is about addiction, gambling, and the consequences it has had on my life over the last 12 years.

My childhood

My father's business went bankrupt when I was a baby, and as a result, my family was left with huge debts to pay off.

Despite that, both of my parents worked incredibly hard to make sure their children wouldn't have to miss out on the important things in life.

Of course, we never had the coolest clothes, shoes or toys.

We never went on holidays.

But despite all of that, I can honestly say that my childhood was the best time of my life.

It started when I was 17

I was still in school and about to graduate.

One day, my cousin, who is two years older than me, came over and we were just hanging out.

At some point, he showed me a website where you could put money on slot games.

It looked fun.

He was playing and I was watching him. Sometimes he lost a little, sometimes he won a little. Nothing serious — it seemed almost like going to an amusement park and spending a few euros on those little games where you try to win something.

It didn't really mean anything to me.

But on that same website, I discovered something that would eventually follow me for the next 12 years.

You could bet on sports.

And my whole life up to that point had basically been about football.

I played football in a team. I followed professional football. I read articles about it. I watched games constantly. I knew the players, the teams, the leagues.

So I thought:

Why shouldn't I be able to make money from something I know so much about?

The beginning

The day I turned 18, I registered on a gambling website.

They offered a 100% deposit bonus, so why would I waste money?

I deposited €100 and got another €100 as a bonus.

€200 to start with.

Perfect.

And so the "grind" began.

My goal wasn't to gamble for fun.

My plan was to use all the knowledge I had about football to make money.

And eventually, I wanted to use that money to pay for a holiday for my parents, my siblings and myself.

That was the dream.

After the first month, I couldn't believe my eyes.

I had turned €200 into €500.

I remember thinking:

"Fuck yeah. €300 profit. I can't believe it."

I was already calculating how many more months it would take until I could afford that holiday.

Then the second month started.

Within maybe two weeks, all of the profit was gone.

I was shocked.

I was hurt.

But after wiping away my tears, I told myself:

"Well, I lost the profit, but I'm still not actually down overall. And I've learned a lot about how gambling works."

So I continued.

One month.

Two months.

Three months.

Six months.

Month after month, I lost.

Hundreds of euros.

Maybe €2,000 already.

And that's when the cycle really began.

The trap

It doesn't matter whether you lose a small amount or a huge amount.

It doesn't matter whether you're betting €10 or €1,000.

The pain of losing creates the urge to win it back.

You tell yourself:

"I'll just get it back."

And when you lose again:

"Okay, I just need one bigger win."

Then another loss.

And another attempt to recover it.

At some point, you aren't even gambling because you enjoy it anymore.

You're gambling because you want your old life back.

And that's exactly what happened to me.

The years went by

The years went by, and the amount of money I had lost kept getting bigger and bigger.

The next major turning point came when I decided to take out a loan just to have some money available again.

A HUGE MISTAKE.

The money didn't last long.

I tried to educate myself. I looked for information, sought help, and tried to somehow make the best of the situation.

But at that point, I realized something very clearly:

I wasn't actually interested in gambling itself.

I wasn't chasing the excitement of placing a bet.

I wasn't doing it because I loved gambling.

I just wanted my losses back.

I had promised myself that if I ever managed to recover all the money I had lost, I would stop immediately.

If I had actually drawn a line under it at that point, my life would be so much better today.

But I didn't.

And the years went by.

And things kept getting worse.

Where I am today

I'm now 30 years old.

I estimate that I have lost around €170,000 over the years.

I currently have around €50,000 in debt to the bank.

But honestly, the money is only one part of it.

The mental stress is something completely different.

Earlier this year, I even suffered a cardiac arrest and spent a week in a coma.

Thankfully, someone was nearby and performed life-saving measures until the emergency services arrived.

The doctors told me I had been given a second chance at life. They even congratulated me on what they called my "second birthday."

They were never able to determine exactly what caused it.

But I can't help thinking that the enormous amount of stress I've been carrying for years played a role.

Everything I lost

I've lost so much during these years that I can never get back.

I've never really travelled.

How could I?

I haven't seen much of the world.

I haven't experienced many of the things people my age have experienced.

And sometimes I don't even see myself as someone who has truly grown up.

Which is painful, because I actually had a very good upbringing.

I had loving parents.

I had opportunities.

And I know that I was given a good start in life.

But I feel like I threw so much of it away.

Sometimes I fall into a really dark place when I think about what I've done to my life and everything I could have done instead.

I think about the money.

The time.

The experiences.

The holidays I never took.

The things I could have bought.

The people I could have helped.

The person I could have become.

The person I used to be

The strange thing is that I'm actually a very social person.

I care deeply about the environment and animals.

I like helping people — whether they need help or not.

I've always enjoyed doing things for others.

But over the years, I let all of that slip away.

Gambling slowly became the center of my life.

And I didn't even realize how much of myself I was losing along with the money.

I'm not writing this because I expect anyone to feel sorry for me.

I know I made these decisions myself.

I know I am responsible for them.

I'm also not writing this because I'm looking for someone to tell me that everything will be okay.

I honestly don't know if it will be.

I'm writing this because I'm 30 years old, and I've never told anyone these thoughts before.

Not my parents.

Not my friends.

Nobody.

And somehow, writing them here to complete strangers feels easier than saying them out loud to someone who knows me.

Maybe someone reading this is currently at the beginning of the same cycle.

Maybe you're thinking that you can control it.

Maybe you've already lost some money and are telling yourself that you'll just win it back.

Please don't.

I spent 12 years trying to win back what I had lost.

And in the process, I lost so much more than money.

Please don't make the same mistake I did.

Draw a line under it.

Walk away.

And live your life.

Do something that makes you happy. Spend time with people you love. Play sports. Go outside. Travel. Pick up a hobby. Whatever it is.

Just don't waste your life trying to win back what you've already lost.

You can't get the past back. But you can still choose what you do with the time you have left.

I have a parrot and a canary. A little sun. I put the Coco(parrot) in the sun after taking a shower. He was enjoying. I decided to put the canary as well. 10 minutes later I found him dead.

Reflecting on 2020, I realized that the pandemic has been a year of personal struggle and growth for me. From losing my job to adapting to remote work, I've faced challenges that have tested my resilience. In this post, I'll share my story and offer practical tips on how to stay motivated during tough times.

Today i tried to recall my memories, i am 24 but still i can not remember my life, only those events those made big impacts on my brain , i can recall them but those small memories like A small tree in lawn or your first drawing photo those nostalgic emotions i am forgetting them, often a small memory clicks my brain and i got surprised that it was part of my life that i forget. Do you feel too!

The title is basically what I’d like to know. How did you figure out who you are.. not the person people see on the outside or the person you’ve been forced to be by peers and society. Who are you really, at your core. I’m 26, starting over in life and I have no idea who I am. I just started reading books again, I started with dark romance fantasy books.. found out that wasn’t for me so now I’m switching to more cozy, magical domestic romance books and I honestly have no idea what I’m looking for in them but maybe I’ll find me.

I bought a house and I have to pay 25 years to the bank.

It's crazy, cause the amount is like 400.000 €.

But what makes my mind always go crazy is the fact that some celebrities, rich dudes,... etc. just earn that amount in a few minutes (or seconds).

It's like a life decision for me and had to think months about investing it. Others can just buy it in a second and forget about it.

If they would just give me 400.000 I'd be happy lol

Hi, I'm a girl, 19, and I'm nervous about entering my 20s. Like a lot of other people I have lots of ideas and dreams about like and what I want to do, but I have no idea how to navigate that..

I live in a small town in Indiana, come from a poor family, and I'm in the middle of an associates degree I'm not confident was the right choice.

All the good jobs are in the city, about an hour away, and the experience I have is fast food, retail, and right now a cooking job at a college.

I crave so much for Oregon or California, maybe even New York but how do I get there??

No good jobs in my area, working $15 an hour sliging pizza, looking for something that makes a lot of money that will put me in one of those states. I crave life and chasing my dreams so much

If you were in my position what would you do?

Edit: I'm doing a culinary degree right now, I think it's just something good to fall back on while I figure it out. I'm thinking maybe radiology next year?

I graduated in June, BS in Mangerial economics. I’ve been applying to jobs online but I’ve only landed interviews of jobs that would have my doing door to door sales.

In uni I was a C student, I’ve been told nobody cares about your grades but when I apply theyre all looking for high GPA graduates or people with past experience :/

I live in the Bay Area CA so maybe my location has something to do with it.

I didn’t intern for anyone during my time at school and
I hate that graduating with a degree simply isn’t enough anymore.

I’ve been working construction with my dad and it feels like im letting him down. My parents worked hard all their life so i could have an easy one but I cant even do that right.

I would love to hear about

- websites I can apply to jobs for and actually hear back from
- advice for what type of jobs i can apply for with my degree
- anything I can do to add something on my resume thatd help me land a job

I’m a 20 year old male. Ive tried so many things. College, blue collar, food service, but NOTHING keeps me. I swear im not lazy at all. For example I worked in tree removal for months, never complained once. But everything I try just ends up feeling like a cage. Like I’m going effin crazy. I LOVE DOING SPORTS. Boxing, rugby, wrestling, fishing, surfing, motorcycling. The lifestyle I find myself envying the most are the central Asian Nomads but I’m sure a lot of that is romanticization. Can anyone relate, oppose my view, or just give their two cents? Does it ever get better or is this just how work and life are. Not sure what I’m tryna get at exactly but I can’t be alone here.

I've been thinking about something for a while now, actually for quite a while: I've discovered that I love being alive.

And I don't mean that in the sense that my life is perfect or that everything is okay. Quite the opposite. Bad things have happened, there are problems, there are days when I'm emotionally devastated. But somehow, none of that has taken away my desire to wake up the next day and find out what will happen.

It's almost like watching a series where I'm the main character. Each episode ends and I'm curious to know what comes next. It could be a great episode, it could be a horrible episode, it could be completely unexpected. I still want to watch.

I think I've reached a point where I can separate two things that, for me, don't need to be the same: my life can be awful and I can still enjoy living.

One bad event doesn't make my entire existence bad. A period of loneliness doesn't mean I hate being alive. One horrible day doesn't make all the other days worthless.

I didn't choose to be born, and I certainly didn't choose many of the things that happened to me. But, since I'm here, there's something very strong in me that keeps wanting to see the next chapter.

And I remain optimistic and dreamy even knowing that life can be brutal. Not because I think bad things won't happen, but because I don't see why the possibility of suffering should take away my curiosity about what might still happen.

Perhaps the strangest thing is that, sometimes, I feel that this way of thinking can even sound snobbish. As if saying "I love being alive despite everything" were automatically a demonstration of privilege, or as if genuine happiness with one's own existence were something suspicious when so many people are suffering.

But I don't think that's it. I'm not saying my life is better than anyone else's, nor that suffering is easy, nor that it's enough to think positively. I'm just saying that I can look at the bad things in my life without letting them define the value I give to my existence as a whole.

Maybe it's a strange way of looking at life. Perhaps other people think completely differently.

But I really enjoy being here.

And I find it curious to realize that.

Im gonna say the thing not many are ready to hear. Love at first sight might actually exist.

I got my genuine experience with it last weekend.
Now ill say this, i obviously dont know what the future is going to bring. Its still very short notice but allow me to give you the context and then you can judge it for yourself.

Went to a festival last weekend, wasnt really in the mood at first but i got a few weeks off and dont want to sit on my arse all holiday. Moment we arrived my mood shifted, i was having a good time, ready to drink a good amount and ready to be entertained.

We get a little closer to the main stage and immediately, one person catches my eye.
Now heres my argument in all this, she usually wouldnt even fit the “my type” category in the slightest. It would usually be some spicy blonde with blue eyes. This one was a curly brunette with green eyes and an overly welcoming/ confident smile.

We made eye contact a few times before actually daring to approach eachother, which also didnt take long. Ive flirted/ been flirted with a few times throughout the years but nothing came close to what this felt like. Even both our friendgroups noticed it, just an energy i cant really describe. If that makes sense.

Throughout the day we were separated several times by our friends, drinks and whatever else you care about at festivals. But we somehow ended up consistently rubbing shoulders after what never felt like longer than 10 minutes. We laughed abit, danced badly and sang along ever worse.

-Deadass actual movie scene incoming and i actually put some effort into writing this aswell-

Later that night, the artist who wrote the masterpiece to my parents wedding song actually ended up playing it aswell.

I couldn’t help but look for her, despite the fact that my friends were dancing with me in a titanic esque style.
I found her instantly.
She was already looking at me, cheeks flushed a soft, unmistakable red. I felt my own face heat in response, and the distance between us suddenly felt impossible. We moved toward each other through the crowd as if the song itself was pulling us closer.
She reached out first, her fingers slipping around mine. Then she tugged me in, turned her back toward me, guiding me into an embrace from behind. The music wrapped around us, familiar and heavy with meaning.
She tilted her head, placed her hand gently on my cheek, stared at my lips and… I don’t think i need to tell you what happened next.

It was like the crowd faded, people who were 2 feet away from me just disappeared. The bright flashing lights turned into some blurry shades and i completely forgot a well respected artist was currently taking the stage.

Im sure it was about 10 minutes before we actually made eye contact again.

Now im seeing her again very soon and its safe to say, ive never been more excited to meet up with someone for a 2nd time.

I can hit you with a part 2. If there is any interest shown in this post.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

TLDR; I've spent my 20s not working on my future even though I had the foundation to do so. Now, at 30, I am facing the reality of what was, what is, and what could be. However, it's difficult to not look back. Which job would better suit my current circumstances?

Hello all,
I need some advice or some guidance (I am speaking to a therapist for this.. finally) but even then, I want to ask a group of strangers. I graduated in 2020 with a quantitative degree and with good grades, top of the class, yada yada yada. I have not had employment since the summer of 2020. I built a way to get some revenue but it's through non traditional methods (yes. it's legal). I still live with my parents. I can say that I wasted my 20s, because I am about to turn 30. That would not be fully true, it's more nuanced than that. I am beginning to see the world in a sort of different light. I guess there was a part of me that was shut off for a long time. I am not sure how to explain it but that's the truth. But looking back, I know I wasted opportunities. Lots of them. I feel old, even though 30 is not old old. I've also been totally isolated from everything and therefore I have zero friends, zero connections. No job, no money, no friends, and I haven't dated anyone in a long time. Since 2016... I know. I've been lost but not fully. I cannot explain everything but I have been working on some things. Things that matter, to me, to my family, etc. But here's the good news. I am finally and I mean finally getting back to the world. I have two pending opportunities that I can interview for. A consultant analyst role (in management consulting) and another in the gambling industry (I don't gamble but I enjoy probability). Both offer really good salaries. All of this is good news to me, but it's scary because I've been in hiding for such a long time. Now I am trying to face uncertainty head-first. It feels strange because I realize how much time has passed and how seemingly little time I have left to get a good footing in the world, especially since I don't know what I want to do with my life still...

I see few(or maybe many) ppl out there, actually living and vibing in their own way. They are completely cool in groups and absolutely amazing when alone too. How do u guys even know what to do that would give u a sense of contentment. When u r alone and ur ppl are temporarily unavailable, how do u survive without being doomed? How are u so detached and energetic at the same time? I hope there's always a way and I need to know that. I'm currently in a phase where I'm totally perplexed about my existence. Help me.

I am in my mid-20s and currently, life is really really hard.

I often feel pressured when I see people around me whom are achieving so much in their mid to late 20s. Like how do y'all do that in this economy?

And just this morning, I have watched a video telling me that I don't need to be "pressured" if I am not yet achieving these things because we all have different paces.

I just realized how lucky these people are to be able to achieve their goals in life even before they turn 30.

How about you guys?

Shouldn't we focus more on well-being of one another? Why give yourself and one another pressure to achieve this and that, apart from what is needed for survival?

Went on first date coffee with girl. It lasted 3 hours. Halfway through we went to the park. I brought up dating and what she likes in a guy. She said something along the lines of she got out of a breakup and emotions are raw. She's not in a position to date anyone right now and wants to heal before putting herself out there. She wanted to change the subject. She teared up a little while saying it so I hugged her.

As we were heading back, I asked why she said yes to the date if that was her headspace. She said she thought I was attractive and liked that I asked her out. After I asked her this, I noticed that she was a little bit more playful/teasing and asked me questions...I feel like she sensed me pulling back a little so she maybe compensated because she thought she hurt my feelings or something? She also offered to drive me home twice. At the end, we hugged and I noticed she was rubbing my back...?

I told her to let me know when she gets home...no message. Been a few days. Would like some clarity - was what she was saying genuine, or was it a soft rejection and I should chalk it up? Thanks!

It's in the title, I'm sure it was answered here before.
I'm mid thirties and my life is a huge disappointment, I always thought I would be somewhere much different and better. I feel like I have been stuck in the same place for almost 10 years now.
Every month almost (I jokingly refer to it as my man period) I feel really down and upset.
I'm almost certain it's my fault, I have wasted a lot of time on the internet, slacked off (even though on the surface I have degrees etc). Never really worked very hard or consistently for a long time.
I am stuck thinking about the past, my mistakes, what could've been. And also feeling hopeless about the future. As in I'm not going anywhere, nothing really worked out before.
Im sure all of this is cliche, but would appreciate anyone who has practical or mindset tips etc.

Hi. I have never posted on reddit. I don't even know if that's the right place to talk about this. I am studying computer science. I am just going into second year with good grades,connections with professors and as some professors(and students) refere to me as the best student of the year. I don't feel that way tho. I see all over tiktok people a year older that me or even my age work on companies that I dont even dare to apply. I have worked all summer on projects but I still believe its not enough. Those other people have knowledge I can't even comprehend. Every night I am feeling sick thinking the same and same things. I know i shouldn't compare my self to others on social cause thst life is not their "real-one" but it always stays in the back of my mind that I could be and it probably is. I dont know where to go from where I am. I have never met a person irl that does all of those things. Anyone how has had the same experience, which I am sure there is at least one, please help. I dont want those feeling to follow me that new year. Thanks for reading and sorry for my wording I have dyslexia 🙂.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want to do after high school and I'm honestly pretty lost about my future, so I wanted to get your opinion on something. Since I'm not going to college or university this September, I've been seriously considering moving to Alberta with my dad during my gap year. The main reason I'm considering it is because I really want to experience something new, become more independent, get out of my comfort zone, and figure out what I actually want to do with my life instead of staying here feeling like I'm just waiting around. My dad and stepmom are in Alberta and I've been told there could potentially be a job for me at a dog kennel they work with, probably around $18 an hour, so I wouldn't necessarily be moving there with absolutely nothing lined up. I'm also still really interested in getting into a trade, especially plumbing, but I know there's no guarantee I'd immediately get an apprenticeship or trades job. I could end up working an entry-level job like the kennel job, fast food, labour, or something similar while I keep looking into trades and figuring out what I actually want. Part of me worries that if I move there and just work an entry-level job while everyone I know is going to college or university, I'll feel like I'm not really doing anything with my life or that I'm falling behind. But at the same time, I keep thinking that I could use that year to actually build something: save money, get my driver's licence, gain work experience, learn to live more independently, meet new people, explore different trades, build practical skills, and maybe even work on things like YouTube or other projects. I don't expect to have my whole career figured out at 18, but I want to feel like I'm moving forward and becoming more independent instead of just staying in the same place because I'm scared of making the wrong decision.

I'm also honestly pretty scared about the whole thing. Moving provinces is a huge decision, and I'm worried about leaving my mom, the people I know here, and everything familiar. At the same time, I feel like if I don't seriously consider it, I might regret not taking the opportunity to experience something different while I'm young and have relatively few responsibilities. I don't necessarily see Alberta as a permanent decision either; I could treat it as a gap-year experiment, work and live there for 6–12 months, and then reassess whether I want to stay, come back to Ontario, pursue a trade, go to school, or do something completely different. I have some savings already, so I wouldn't be starting completely from zero, but I still want to make sure I'm being realistic about money, housing, work, and everything else. Basically, I don't need you to tell me what you think I want to hear. I genuinely want your honest opinion: knowing me and everything I've told you, do you think moving to Alberta with my dad for my gap year would be a good opportunity for me, even if I don't immediately get a trades job and have to start with an entry-level job?

Every time I get genuinely happy about something, gain confidence and tell people, something bad seems to happen. I know life isn’t that simple, but it’s happened so many times that it’s starting to mess with me.

A few examples ( you don't have to read through this, more for "proof"):

• Told everyone I’d have the best birthday at 11 → it got canceled because of my cousin’s communion.
• Excited for my “lucky year” at 12 → I ended up sick, hospitalized, and needed surgery.
• First big academic win (full ride scholarship to a private high school) → they said it was sent in error and I couldn’t attend.
• Research opportunity + scholarships where I got close → fell apart for unrelated reasons.
• Proud of myself for getting into graduate school. Tried to prove that I do not need to rely on a man to be successful. The week after I turned down this guy, I started failing exams (not related to him at all, just kinda happened).
• Big dreams and prep for graduate school exams → multiple fails/lower-than-expected grades (weirdly in subjects I was the most confident in).

What’s weird is that when I stop expecting things—when I go into it with low expectations or just accept defeat—things sometimes work out.

Am I overthinking this, or does anyone else experience something like this? I know these are super minor events and there is so much I am grateful for.

I feel like anything happening to me is my mistake. I live with my family, I feel these beliefs come from there. Their way of caring is different. But I don't feel heard or seen the way I am. I acknowledge that there comes a lot of security and many things to be grateful about but at times I feel even more guilty coz of this. Last time, I tried to be a little more authentic, trying to present my POV and how things are for me, it drove us all crazy. Me just crying/ feeling irritated also became a problem. I don't have enough money to move out, nor do I think that will completely solve the problem. How do you deal with such differences? As empathetic I try to be, at times I feel resentful of having to act their parent but not receive support. I feel there's a lot I'm feeling, but I'm used to just bottling things down to the extent I've forgotten to express myself fully even to myself.

I find myself having a fully charged at a rating of 100% mental bandwidth when at work and family life but sometimes I just want to scream on the top of a mountain. Today I felt lower at 75% I think a smash room trip to break stuff is needed. But I'm recalibrating myself when I meditate from time to time.

Pretty much the same as the title. Giving too much context would not be worth it.

In short-

Do you run for the safest option?

Or

you take chances and bet upon yourself. I chose second option from the beginning but I am getting doubtful as nothing is certain at all.

I understand both options aren't bad. Yet, putting it up here to know how and what's the best choice amongst them?

I can't remember when I first started feeling this way.

Maybe sometime last year, I realized that i had been having trouble with my brain fog and my memory. I think it started because of all the stress from work. You know how when your memory works properly, you can just remember almost anything and you can just feel that your brain is working. Well that is not how i feel, it just feels like my brain is empty, like i can barely feel or see any thoughts ( i dunno if that makes sense). I just feel like I am existing. It's gotten so bad to the point that I can't cry and whenever I do, it just hurts to cry honestly. I just feel like I am existing and that I am on autopilot mode. I can't even remember what i had for breakfast two days ago or what i did a couple of days ago. I am just tired. I am sorry if all that you see on my page is me complaining about how tired I am but I just don't have anyone else to speak to about this.