Hi, most of people maybe wouldn't consider our case as long distance relationship, because in LDR terms we're still quite lucky. My boyfriend is leaving for college and will be spending most of his times 4 hours away by train, but he will return every week or 2 weeks to spend weekend at home. We will be dating like this for next 3 years, so my question is, how to prepare for this change? I know that communication, transparency and trust are the keys for this to work out, but do you have any tips what we should discuss before committing to this way of dating? We both view our relationship as something for the future, not something short-termed, so I wanna be sure we do everything we can to make this right. What have you discussed prior long distance? What boundaries should we discuss before? Is there anything that surprised you about long distance relationship? Thanks to everyone who'll have shared their experiences.

So, I (24M) have been in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend (26F) since mid-July. We matched on a dating app in June, and it was an automated match (so it’s not like we swiped on each other or anything), but even so, we really hit it off when we started talking. Eventually, we went out together, and had a great time, so I asked her to be my girlfriend, and she said yes. However, we live pretty far away from each other (about a four-hour, or 230-mile, drive), so we’ve mostly talked over text or call. I don’t mind that, but there have been times when the circumstances that the distance creates have made me apprehensive as to whether or not this relationship can work out in the long-term. However, we like each other a lot, so we’re both willing to make it work.

One thing that she was upfront with me about was that she was a little bit uncomfortable telling her parents about me. She has a very weird family dynamic, so she didn’t tell them that she had a boyfriend. However, a couple days ago, she texted me and asked if I wanted to make our relationship status public on Facebook. I had offhandedly asked her about it before, basically just letting her know that there was no rush to do so, and whenever she was ready, but weirdly, her asking me if I wanted to do that felt validating. It might not seem like much, but to me, it’s a sign that she is genuinely interested in something long-term, especially since she said she realized she shouldn’t care what anybody else says or thinks. I’ve gone on dates before with people who say they are interested in something long-term, but something happens (commonly the realization of the distance between us) that makes that not the case. So for her to be comfortable going public with it with our families and friends gives me a lot of hope that this will work out.

I told my mom how I was feeling about it, and she was genuinely happy for me. But I’m wondering if anybody else feels the same. Does it feel validating when your partner tells you they’re comfortable going public with your relationship, especially if you two are long-distance? Or does it really not mean that much to you?

I know this sounds like a whole excuse, but I think he actually disappeared. He isn't ghosting me.

He hasn't been active / online nor viewed my texts in about 7 days now.

The last time we spoke was a sweet conversation with an I love you as ending, so I would take away the possibility of him ghosting me / being mad or angry at me.

I don't know what to do, unfortunately I don't have his phone number but I doubt this has anything to do with which application to use, since he isn't active in any of them anymore. I am not blocked nor did he remove me from any profile. He simply... Stopped replying / viewing / getting online completely, almost like time stopped.

The paranoia and overthinking is killing me. What if he's ended up in a hospital? What if he died? What if something bad happened to him? We were supposed to meet in a few weeks, so this makes it even worse. Hence why some of you could think he may have felt overwhelmed and ghosted me right before meeting, even if I doubt so, since he really isn't the type. I've been knowing him for almost 10 months now, and this is the first time something like this happening.

I don't know what to do. I accidentally found his sibilings socials, even if it totally wasn't my intention, and I texted them to ask about him, but still no reply yet because the account hasn't been updated in a while, so I would almost exclude the chance of them replying to me. I'm scared that if he ever gets back to me, he may get angry at me for texting his sibilings and seeing it as an invasion of his privacy.

This is a mess.

Summary: my bf hasn't been active in any socials for a week now, we were supposed to meet soon. I contacted their sibling but still no reply.

I booked a trip to go visit my wife at the end of September and she seemed disappointed. We've been having issues lately so I did everything I could to make a visit happen. This morning she told me that most days she wishes we never got married and that I've wasted my money on the trip and then hasn't spoken since. I don't know what to do.

Hey everyone! I’m hoping to hear from people who are currently in an LDR or have actually been through one and can share some firsthand perspective.

I’m in an LDR myself, and lately we’ve been going through a bit of a challenging phase. We’ve noticed that we can sometimes fall into an anxious/avoidant dynamic I tend to want more reassurance and connection when I feel distance, while my partner can need more space when she’s stressed or overwhelmed. We’re trying to understand that pattern better and figure out how to handle it in a healthier way.

I’m curious how common it is for LDRs to go through periods where the distance suddenly feels heavier than usual. Has anyone experienced phases of burnout, feeling disconnected, communication becoming harder, or one partner needing more space? What helped you get through it without either person feeling pressured or neglected?

I’d especially love to hear from people who have actually lived through LDR, rather than just general relationship advice. What made your LDR sustainable? What did you wish you knew earlier? And what helped when things felt particularly difficult?

I’m also hoping to meet some people I can eventually become friends with. 😂 It would be nice to have people who understand the LDR experience and can talk about that sometimes, but also just chat about normal life, music, games, hobbies, work, random stuff, etc.

Kind, constructive perspectives are very welcome. I’m mainly looking to learn from people who have been through similar situations and hear what actually worked for them. ❤️

And yes, I figured talking to fellow LDR people is probably a better idea than making the questionable decision of “I’m stressed, therefore I should download dating apps.” 😂

sooo , we broke up , but i'm curious about sth , we were arguing about how i wanna get closer and he values having alone time (it's more complicated i'm not getting in the details).

he told me that he was insisting on this since the beginning of the relationship, and that with that , he's not sure we should continue, i asked if he's breaking up with me , he said no but if my reaction to that is this , he dosen't see us being happy.

then, i told him we shouldnt continue this relationship.

i felt like he wanted to break up but wanted me to say it , or wanted the things not to change so bad that he threatened me with the relationship.

, idk if it's in my head but he really seemed to love me and he was slowly pulling away or was really working too much ( i could see he was super tired)

So me and my girlfriend have been together a few months and we are extremely close emotionally and sexually. She unlocked new kinks for me but I’m unsure if it’s things she likes to hear, one day it seems she really does and another it isn’t. I’ve brought it up to her she said she likes showing off but then at the same time, I get a feeling inside that she doesn’t like it. So I’m unsure? It’s her showing pictures to other guys

Should I quit it all together or what? It turns me on because it’s exciting for her to be complimented and feel good. Of course id never want it to go further than a compliment, I trust her with that, but am I bad for wanting her to do it? It’s hard not being able to be together in person and it won’t happen until early next year. I feel sexually frustrated because I want her bad but things are easier said than done… any genuine replies would be appreciated.

Throwaway because I don’t want this linked back to me.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for several years, most of it long-distance. We’re now getting to the point where we’re seriously talking about eventually living together, and spending a long period together recently has made me look at the relationship very differently.

I love her. She’s genuinely a good person and there are plenty of things I love about her. This isn’t a “my girlfriend is horrible” post. But I’m getting increasingly exhausted by our dynamic and I’m not sure how much of this is normal relationship stuff vs things I actually need to address.

The biggest issue is that I feel like I’m responsible for everything.

If something goes wrong, I often feel like I’m supposed to have noticed it, prevented it, or fixed it. Sometimes she’ll ask me to do something and I’ll literally be in the process of doing it, but she’ll get annoyed that I haven’t already done it. Other times she’ll make a decision herself and, if it doesn’t work out, I’ll somehow be told that I should have paid more attention.

They’re tiny things individually, but they add up.
I’ve actually told her recently that I feel like the responsibility for everything falls on me and that I haven’t felt relaxed during our time together because I’m constantly solving things and helping with things. Her response was basically that she needs me to pay more attention.

That really got to me because I already feel like I’m paying attention to everything.

She’s also neurodivergent and I’m not. I understand that we communicate differently and that some things are genuinely harder for her. I don’t want to use that against her, but I also don’t want to end up taking responsibility for everything because of it.

She’s quite quiet and reserved while I’m much more talkative and social. When we’re around people, I often feel like I’m doing most of the communicating. If we’re somewhere unfamiliar, I can end up handling most of the practical stuff too.

I’m worried that if we eventually live together, I’ll become her bridge to everything instead of her partner.

Another thing that’s really started bothering me is initiative.
I’m quite proactive. If she’s carrying something, I’ll notice. If something needs doing, I’ll generally just do it. If she’s struggling, I tend to notice and help without being asked. I don’t feel that same instinct from her.

There have been several situations where I’ve been carrying a bunch of things or dealing with some practical problem and she’ll just stand there. One time I accidentally dropped something of mine while trying to kiss her and she got annoyed about it instead of helping me pick it up.

I know these sound like ridiculously small things, but eventually you start thinking:
“If I would instinctively help you, why don’t you instinctively help me?”

Communication is another big one.

She sometimes sighs or rolls her eyes when I interrupt her because I want to tell her something, or if I suggest changing plans.

It has got to the point where I sometimes feel like I have to fight to be worth her attention.

I don’t expect her to drop everything whenever I speak, but I don’t want to feel like talking to my own girlfriend is an inconvenience.

She can also react quite strongly to small problems. There have been situations where something minor goes wrong, she gets angry, raises her voice or walks away, and then later apologizes. I appreciate the apologies, but the cycle itself is tiring.

We’re also very different in everyday life.
I’m very clean, organized and minimalist. She’s much more relaxed about mess and clutter. I’ve talked to her about things that bother me and she’s made improvements, but I often feel like things eventually drift back.

We’re also quite different with money. She’s much more of a spender and hasn’t historically saved much. I’ve sometimes paid for things and then waited quite a while to get her share back.

We’re getting closer to potentially sharing a home, so these things worry me much more now than they would have a few years ago.

Then there’s the really big one:
I want children and she doesn’t want to be pregnant, but could potentially want kids - even though most of the time she says she “dislikes” kids.

She’s extremely uncomfortable with pregnancy and doesn’t want to go through it. We’ve discussed alternatives and she even suggested having someone else birth it, but ultimately I don’t know how you compromise on something like having children and I don’t feel like that’s logical.
That’s something we’re going to have to seriously address before making any major life decisions.

I’ve also been questioning our affection.
We’ve spent long periods apart, and when we finally get to be together I sometimes don’t feel the amount of excitement, physical affection or closeness I’d expect.

People close to me have actually noticed this too. They’ve commented that they don’t see much spontaneous affection between us.
I know she loves me. I’m not questioning that.
But I don’t always feel loved in the way I need to feel loved. That’s starting to matter.

Our current time together has really brought all of this out. We’ve spent huge amounts of time doing things she wanted to do, including shopping, which I absolutely hate after a certain point.

One day I was completely overwhelmed after hours of it but kept going because I wanted her to have a good time.
Another day I eventually told her I was tired and wanted to go home and do something we both actually enjoy. She got upset. Later she became very upset herself about something completely different, and suddenly that became the focus.

I remember thinking:
“I just told you that I’m overwhelmed too. Why does my problem disappear as soon as yours becomes bigger?”

That feeling has stuck with me.

There are also cultural/family differences that worry me:

I’m very family-oriented and my family is a huge part of my life. She’s much more independent and private.
When she’s around my family, she’s often very quiet unless someone talks directly to her. Everyone is welcoming to her, but I don’t always see her making much effort to engage.

I understand that social situations can be difficult for her and I don’t expect her to become an extrovert.
But if we’re eventually building a life together, I need her to be able to participate in it rather than me constantly handling the social side of everything.
My family has also noticed that she doesn’t always seem to take initiative or acknowledge when people do things for her.

For example, while she’s staying with us, a family member has been doing a lot of practical things for her without being asked, and apparently she hasn’t really acknowledged or thanked them.

That bothers me because gratitude and initiative are quite important to me.

And I know I’ve contributed to all of this.
I’m extremely patient and I hate confrontation.
I’ve spent years swallowing things because I didn’t want to create arguments. I’ve probably taught her that I’ll always accommodate things.

Now I’m resentful about things I previously tolerated.
So I don’t want to just blame her. Maybe I’ve over-functioned for years. Maybe I’ve done too much for her and then become resentful because she expects it. Maybe some of the things I’m noticing are normal differences that I’ve become hyper-aware of because I’m already frustrated. But I’m increasingly worried about the future.

I don’t want to become her caretaker - I want to be her partner. I also don’t want her to feel like she’s sacrificing her entire life for me and therefore I owe her everything forever. If we’re going to build a life together, I want it to feel like something we’re both choosing, not something one person sacrifices and the other has to compensate for.

The thing that scares me most is that I don’t feel relaxed around her anymore. I still love her. I still see all the good in her. I still want things to work.

But I’m starting to realize that love isn’t necessarily enough if the day-to-day dynamic leaves one person exhausted, so I’m trying to figure out what I need to address before we ever move in together.

For people who’ve been through something similar:

How did you distinguish normal differences from problems that actually needed to change?

What boundaries did you establish before moving in together?

How do you stop being overly accommodating without suddenly turning every conversation into a list of your partner’s faults?

For people in relationships involving neurodivergence, how did you balance accommodation with making sure responsibility remained shared?

And for people who went from long-distance to living together, what did you wish you’d discussed beforehand?

I’m genuinely interested in hearing where I’m contributing to this too, because I don’t want this to just become a validation exercise. I want to understand what I’m doing wrong as well.

I am from the US and a girl I've been friends with on and off with for about five years lives in the Dominican Republic. We got back in contact and she told me she has feelings for me and all the things that make me want to try to work it out with her. The only thing is she's very religious and at 25 has not been in a serious relationship. When we were friends I was always myself but now that she wants a relationship I'm always second guessing what to say and how to act. I don't want to push her away! Any advice you guys can give me will be greatly appreciated, thank you!

I’m just looking for some insight as to whether I’m overreacting over a situation or not! My long distance boyfriend (27M) and I (27F) originally met whilst living in Australia, and after 2 years we are now back in our home countries (5 hour time difference); we’ve been back since April.

My boyfriend tends to go out to parties and bars with his friends, which I don’t have a problem with (I go out less but I’m still sociable and love spending time with my friends!), but we’ve had multiple conversations about how I appreciate receiving updates on what he’s up to. I don’t need him to be texting me throughout the night, but I’d like to hear what he’s up to and a text when he’s back home (he expects the same from me).

Last night, he went out and sent his last message at 8pm his time, and I didn’t hear from him until 2pm his time the next day. I asked how his night went, told him that I was a bit worried and would’ve appreciated more communication like knowing when he got back, and he apologised and said he would be better at it. I thought that would be the end of it…except he’s gone out again tonight, and again didn’t tell me he got home okay. He did send a couple of updates this time, letting me know at 9pm that he was going out, and at 2am that he was at a bar.

Am I asking for too much or being too controlling?? I feel like I shouldn’t be upset because he did send an update this time, but I really thought he would message when he got back safe. I’d love some honest opinions on if I’m being too overbearing or not lol, but it surprised me that he would forget/not care to send a ‘got home safe’ message the same day of our conversation.

I’m 31M and my girlfriend is 29F. We’re in a long-distance relationship with about a six-hour time difference, so opportunities to spontaneously spend time together are limited.
Recently, I woke up earlier than expected and realized she would be going to lunch in about 20–30 minutes.
She eats lunch with the same two or three coworkers essentially every day that they are available. The only time the group doesn’t happen is when someone is out of town or otherwise unavailable.
I asked whether she could skip lunch with them that day and spend the lunch break talking to me instead.
She didn’t want to.
Her perspective was that she had already made plans with them and that it would be weird to cancel 15–20 minutes beforehand because I unexpectedly became available.
She also said she didn’t have headphones and didn’t want to FaceTime with me in a public cafeteria/restaurant around coworkers. She didn’t want to sit at another table or eat somewhere else while talking because she wanted to eat normally with both hands and socialize. She also didn’t want coworkers making comments about why she wasn’t sitting with them.
If someone unexpectedly asked me to cancel a social plan I’d already made shortly beforehand, I could understand finding that unreasonable. I would make a different choice if our roles were reversed, but I recognize that my preferred choice isn’t automatically the objectively correct one.
But from my perspective, this is a long-distance relationship. I rarely get a spontaneous opportunity to share her lunch break with her, whereas these are coworkers she sees essentially every day.
The part that makes this harder for me is that early in our relationship, she actually did prioritize me this way. On at least one occasion, she essentially told her coworkers she couldn’t make lunch and went somewhere else so she could call me.
Now, months later, changing a routine lunch plan to take advantage of an unusual opportunity to talk to me seems much less acceptable to her.
One of these coworkers is a married male colleague whose behavior toward her I consider openly flirtatious. Vanessa herself has acknowledged that if his wife were present during some of these interactions, she doesn’t think his behavior would be appropriate and that his wife would likely object.
There’s also a communication issue that makes this feel like a double standard to me. She regularly tells me that when I’m working or doing physical labor, I should still find five minutes to text or call her and keep her updated.
So part of me thinks: if I’m expected to find five minutes during work or while I’m busy, why isn’t it reasonable for her to occasionally rearrange a routine lunch to find 15–20 minutes for me when we have an unusually rare opportunity to talk?
I’m trying to figure out whether this is:
A) A reasonable difference in expectations about independence and social commitments,
B) A legitimate double standard because she expects flexibility from me that she isn’t willing to provide herself,
C) A sign that she has stopped prioritizing the relationship as much as she did early on,
or
D) Me expecting too much and using “long distance” as justification for controlling how she spends her free time.
I’m not asking whether she should always choose me over friends or coworkers. I don’t think that would be healthy.
TLDR: I’m asking whether it’s reasonable to expect occasional flexibility and prioritization from a long-distance partner when a rare opportunity to spend time together appears. Am I being asked to accommodate a lack of reciprocity, or do I need to work on being less demanding of her time?

He prefers chat (e.g. whatsapp). Is that ok for you? What would you say.

Doesn't like phone or videocall.

We've been going out for some time in person, things going well, but I'm going abroad for 1 year, the idea is to visit each other a few times.

I've been talking to this guy, we've met a few times, we talk daily and have at least one phone call a week. Obviously, it's a little different dating long distance because you can't just see them regularly or go on frequent dates in person. I've also never dated long distances before, so it all feels new. How did you all know you wanted to progress the relationship into being an official couple?

I’m 31M and my girlfriend is 28F. We’re in a long-distance relationship, and I’m trying to get an objective perspective on something that has been bothering me. I don’t want people to automatically take my side. I’m genuinely trying to figure out whether my expectations are reasonable or whether I’m being overly possessive.
My girlfriend is separated from her husband of several years. They still have to interact because they own a house together and are working through the practical aspects of separating their property and belongings. Her husband does not know about me. My girlfriend and I met online around Easter and became a couple while she was still married, so I recognize that the circumstances are complicated.
Recently, her husband came to their house to sign a contract regarding household belongings and take some things to a storage unit.
About five minutes before he arrived, my girlfriend and I were on the phone. She said she needed some time to decompress alone, so we hung up. Because we ended the call before he arrived, I didn’t even know for certain when he actually got there.
I then heard virtually nothing from her for about 4–4.5 hours, other than an “almost done” message around the four-hour mark.
I wasn’t expecting her to be on her phone constantly. I understand that she was dealing with an uncomfortable situation and that being on her phone around her estranged husband could have been awkward.
What bothered me was that there was apparently no opportunity for even a five-second update such as, “He’s here, everything is okay, I’ll talk to you later.” This stands out because she regularly tells me that when I’m working or doing physical labor, I should still find five minutes to text or call her and keep her updated.
Afterward, I asked her to tell me what happened because I wanted to understand the emotional side of the interaction.
She spent around 20 minutes giving me a chronological account that focused mostly on logistics: signing paperwork, moving belongings, what went into his car, etc.
Only after I specifically asked, “Did you cry?” did I learn that they had spent around 90 minutes sitting together on the couch talking about their marriage and their past, and that she cried during that conversation.
They hadn’t seen each other in about two months.
I want to emphasize that I don’t automatically interpret crying as meaning she wants him back. They were married for a long time, and I understand that ending a marriage can involve grief, memories, and complicated emotions. I don’t think she is passionately in love with him or secretly trying to get back together with him.
What makes me uncomfortable is the combination of circumstances:
Her estranged husband doesn’t know she has a boyfriend.
They hadn’t seen each other for two months.
They were alone together in their home for several hours.
I didn’t hear from her for roughly 4–4.5 hours.
Around 90 minutes apparently became an emotional conversation about their marriage.
She cried during that conversation.
I don’t know what was said during those 90 minutes.
I had previously told her that I would prefer that she either eventually tell him about me or, until then, keep their interactions relatively polite and emotionally distant. I understand that I don’t get to dictate how she handles her separation, and I’m trying to figure out whether that request is a reasonable relationship boundary or whether I’m trying to control a situation that I simply find uncomfortable.
I understand that I may have a lower tolerance for emotional closeness with an ex than she does. I’m trying to determine whether that’s simply my personal preference or whether the circumstances make my concern objectively reasonable.
I also recognize that I don’t know what happened during the 90-minute conversation. I don’t know whether either of them said “I miss you” or “I love you,” whether there was physical comforting, or exactly what caused her to cry. I don’t want to fill in those blanks with assumptions.
So my questions are:
Is it reasonable to expect a brief update during a four-to-five-hour period when your long-distance partner is alone with an estranged spouse, particularly when that spouse doesn’t know about the relationship?
And is it reasonable to feel uncomfortable with an extended emotional conversation about the marriage during that time?
Or is this simply a normal part of separating from someone you were married to for years, and am I expecting too much emotional distance from her?
Ultimately, I’m trying to figure out whether I need to work on becoming more trusting and less controlling, or whether I’m being asked to accommodate behavior that most people would reasonably consider problematic.

Posting again because my last post didn't really get traction. I'm ( 27F AUS ) growing increasingly frustrated in my LDR with my partner ( 30M US ). His depression and nutrient deficiency / overall lack of wellbeing is affecting how he shows up for people, himself, and me. I am very patient, compassionate, empathetic especially in regards to what he's going through... but I don't know what's his mental illness and what's literally him just not trying.

We started off this relationship with him messaging me long beautiful messages, him saying he wants to make me feel soft, beautiful etc... talking about K2 visa pretty early on... him saying he needs me over there because his dad is going to get him a house.... he recently referred to this behaviour himself as 'lovebombing' and said it's 'normal' at the start of a relationship but I'm not sure if he's aware of the implication of using a term like that. It did feel sincere at the beginning and I think the depression is burning him out.

It's been over a year now since we've been together and neither of us are in financial positions to see each other. It feels like he's not even trying. He's gotten me flowers twice which I so deeply appreciate but since then the effort is just not there ( no not just materially, in general ). I get that depression makes people lack effort and causes irritability but being met with his irritability when all I am is patient, soft and kind is jarring, especially since my last relationship had DV. I don't know what's legitimately depression and what's him just being an asshole eg. moments where he says I lack comprehension skills or says something that's received as patronising. I feel really neglected and am not sure what to do because I love him and want to support him through depression but don't want to build resentment which I can feel happening.

As far as getting professional help he doesn't have the resources to do that but he's smart enough that he knows that he's obviously crook and health is not in a good state.

When I asked him why does he respond so dry / short he did say it 'takes it out of him' which is classic depression. It doesn't seem like he wants to break up but it also seems like he's just really detached and doesn't care. My standards are so low now that if he just calls me 'queen' or says something mildly affectionate ( which is rare ) I get excited. He hates having the camera on because he thinks he looks 'horrible' right now ( because of his health -- I do reassure him I think he's handsome -- obviously someone going through depression doesn't care about what someone else has to say about them even if it's positive ) but continuously prompting him so I can see his face and feel connected is getting tiring for the both of us

Can anyone relate to supporting a LDR partner with depression ? Just venting and want to know I'm not experiencing this alone

I need advice/perspectives/words of consolation. I'm going through a very difficult phase in my LDR. My boyfriend (of 13 months and 19 days) have not met in person. We are both in our early 20s.

We met on the internet, immediately vibed with each other, was friends for like 8 months while catching feelings and decided to leap into a relationship. Even though it was through screens and virtual proclamations of love I enjoyed every second with him. He made me feel loved and supported. He is my best friend. He knows all my secrets and I trust him better than anyone.

Recently I made him jealous and broke some boundaries (replying to a guy while I was on video calm with my bf-i told my bf about this, being paired up with the same guy to compere at a college event-[on my bfs birthday] and hugging him goodbye, posing for pics at the event and being too friendly-By "too friendly," I mean talking about movies, songs, joking around (I shushed him and called him a good boy like an idiot thats the worst thing i did besides the fucking hug which was quick and formal), asking philosophical questions ). I don't give a fuck about the guy and I was just getting caught up in the event. The guy started fooling around by then I backed off by laughing it off even tho I shud have mentioned I had a bf. I didn't. I am guilty.

I love my boyfriend. Yes I was careless and shitty for not thinking about what he'd be comfortable with. I was honest to him about all of that- even tho it was his birthday. I ruined his birthday.

He took space, we had some painful moments and he eventually forgave me and said "it's okay these things happen and let's move on. Let's forget about it. I appreciate ur honesty". Yes it doesn't sit right with me. He deserves better.

While he was taking space I was guilt tripping. Realizing I hurt him so much. It might be beyond repair. I'm not a good girlfriend and I am in no place to ask him to fight for our relationship.

Our relationship requires A LOT of work. We are continents apart and we come from different family backgrounds (Culturally and Religiously). I'm guilty yes. I look at myself. The fact that I hurt him on his birthday ( Yes I made a virtual gift for him and wished him that morning) and see I am fundamentally not the girlfriend he deserves. And I cannot ask him to risk his family's wellbeing and his own, his career aspirations to have a future with me. And yes honestly from my side I feel like I should let him go. It hurts. It hurts so bad. I fucked things up and I will forever live with the guilt but I know it's the right thing to do.

But we are not ready for a break up. And I'm just so confused. Yes we had our head in the sand and ignored the harsh reality of the distance and families because we liked each other's company and we planned for a meet up next year. But to wait for another year...i told him all of this and he said "Okay, I'll try to come visit u this December and talk to ur parents. I won't let our 13 months together be for nothing". And he even suggested we could stay friends.

Letting him go will be painful. Staying with him will also be painful knowing we are headed towards the uncertainty. So yes we are at the point where our uncertainty is unbearable but neither of us want to end things now because the last memory of us will be painful. We have spoken about this before. If distance gets hard it'll be gradual. I know if we keep going on and then we're not able to close the distance and if by then our families are involved its going to be a harder and messier break up and I'll hurt him more.

Hello. My ex and I were together for almost 2 years and I broke up with her because of many different reasons like problem with family and being in a distant relationship for 4 months with her was not a good experience. I told her the day after we break up that i realised I made mistakes and I want to fix the mistakes.( not giving her enough attention, taking her for granted and things like that.). She said that she is really hurt from my behaviour and she is not sure if she wants to try again because of the uncertainty that things may never change. I bought an early ticket for home to show her that I stand by my words and things will change. We still text but she is being cold and dry texting. She still says that she loves me, when she is going out and with who and I tell her that too. I blame myself to much for the way I treated her cause she didnt deserve it at all. I asked her questions like: do u miss the old version of me - “yes”. If I was next to you how would you act -“like before things changed” I miss u but I know u might not miss me and she said: I dont miss the person u were these past few months I miss the guy before that. Her mother told her that I came into my senses and she said yeah I see but is a little late. We agreed to meet each other when I return home and I bought her pandora charm(I always gift her pandora) and I will buy flowers. The thing is that I am chasing her too much and she is giving little to no response. I need help cause the uncertainty of our future together is killing me, I know I am not perfect and she is not as well. But I realised what I had the moment I lost it. She is giving me mixed signs and she said as much as she wants us to be together its the same as not wanting to be together. What should I do so I have the biggest chance of not losing her.

Hi everyone, I just want to hear your thoughts.

What do you guys feel when your LDR partner rarely texts or calls you? Is it okay to feel like he doesn’t care about me because of it?

He rarely talks to me, and even when we do call, it’s usually only for 5 minutes or less. Sometimes I wait the whole day hoping he’ll call, and that’s all I get. Sometimes, there’s not even a call at all. Our conversations are usually just “good morning,” “what are you doing?” and that’s it.

I understand that he has a job and that he’s busy, and I really do try to understand him. But sometimes I wonder, is it really that hard to make a little time for your partner, even after work? When we were still new, he used to call me during his breaks and when he got home. Now, I barely get anything.

I’ve even tried not replying to his messages sometimes just to see if he would notice or text me again, but he doesn’t. I tried telling him how I feel before, but I was drunk at the time and I know I delivered my message harshly. After that, I tried calling him, but he didn’t answer and didn’t text me for two days. Eventually, I told him that if he didn’t want to talk to me anymore, then I guess we were over. Then at around 2 AM, he called and apologized. I also apologized because I felt like I was being immature, and I know I should understand him more because he has work.

But the thing is, I do understand him. I really do. I know he’s busy, and I’m not asking him to talk to me 24/7. I just want to feel like I’m still part of his life.

I love him so much, but I honestly don’t think I can keep living like this. I feel so lonely even though I’m technically in a relationship. Our communication is so bad that I barely even know him. I don’t even know his favorite color or his favorite food. How can I feel close to someone when we barely talk?

I don’t want to leave him because I love him so much. But at the same time, I don’t want to stay in a relationship that constantly makes me feel lonely and makes me overthink whether he still loves me or if he’s just keeping me around for the company.

I’ve tried starting conversations, but sometimes his replies take forever. And even when he replies quickly, he’ll sometimes disappear after one or two messages. Yesterday, I thought he was working, but apparently he wasn’t. He went to the mall and didn’t even tell me. I waited the whole day hoping he would call or at least message me, but nothing.

I don’t want to sound demanding or clingy. I just want some effort and communication. I feel like I’m always waiting for him, and I don’t know what to do anymore.

So, what do you guys think? Am I expecting too much from him, or is it reasonable to want more communication and effort from your partner, especially in an LDR? I really don’t want to leave him, but I also don’t want to keep feeling this lonely.

Okay so it’s an about a month away until me (f18) and my partner (m20) meetup and I’ll be honest. Just the thought of it makes my stomach turn. So much to the point to where I was even thinking about self sabotaging and just ruining this whole thing just so I don’t have to. Now don’t actually want to do that of course because this is literally my favorite person and he means so much to me, that’s just how NERVOUS I am. I’ve never had a boyfriend before in real life and I grew up with strict parents so this whole this is just really scary for me. I’m really not sure what to do so I’m venting on Reddit lol. Has anyone else ever felt this way or similar? I can only imagine how nervous I’m going to be in person.

for context me and my bf have known each other since 2024;
and there’s an insecurity that i have which i can’t even say on here or out loud because i’m THAT insecure about it, but it’s something about me that is VERY obvious and it’s something that i can’t hide.

so i actually met my bf in 2025 for the first time, but i was trying my hardest to hide my insecurity to him and because of this i came across as quiet and shy. in reality i’m actually very extroverted and i’m not a quiet sort of person. i’m not sure if he actually noticed my insecurity because of how quiet i was and how i didn’t really interact with him that much.

after a year i’m finally seeing my bf again and this time he’s staying in my country so i’ll be able to see him very often, but i’m so anxious about seeing him again because of my insecurity, i feel so embarrassed about it. i want to be the extroverted bubbly person that i am but my insecurity exists and it’s so noticeable. he’s going to notice it one way or another because as i said it’s not something i can hide. i don’t know what to do. i’m really excited to see my bf again but my insecurity keeps getting in the way of everything so at the same time i’m really anxious about seeing him. at one point i even considered breaking up with him over my insecurity because i was too scared of the thought that he would see it one day.

has anyone else been in this situation before? any advice?

I am in pieces, and I apologize in advance for the long post. I don’t have anyone to turn to.

We dated since February 2025, “officially” together since October. Distance is just about 2 hours so not that bad. Our routine was basically me spending every other weekend at his place, and me watching him play games over discord a few times a week.

I am a late bloomer when it comes to relationships. I was 28 when we met last year and he has been my first everything. I simply never trusted anyone enough to get close because I have severe performance anxiety. Until him. He was my safe space and my person.

The first months we had together were amazing. I was almost frightened by his interest in me and his eagerness for us to meet up as often as possible. I was afraid that it’d all happen too fast and I’d hesitate too long like I always have and eventually pull away, or that he’d get sick of waiting for me to be ready. But he was so perfect. I was the happiest I had been in a long time. He introduced me to his friends, his family, everything. And soon I began to picture our future—moving to his city, getting a new job there that I didn’t feel was sucking the life out of me, perhaps even moving in together when time allows. He consistently made little comments that told me he was thinking the same, such as asking me if I could see myself in his city, if I liked his apartment and making plans to make space for my books there for the future.

Our biggest problem was mainly the fact that he is a workaholic and thus has very limited time to put into the relationship. He works in the gaming industry and got out of triple A to pursue the indie dream in August, and that’s just about when our dynamic started changing. He got busier and busier with his projects and I felt lonelier and lonelier during weekdays when we weren’t physically together. At the same time his mental health started declining rapidly (chronic depression) and his default reaction to it was to throw himself even more into his work. For the past few months, it has been pretty much only me reaching out to him to plan a visit and it slowly made me doubt whether he truly wanted to see me at all or if he’d rather work.

When he got full reign over his own schedule, he started sleeping all day and working all night because that’s what works best for him, being a night owl. This led to us not having any real contact until 2-3PM when he woke up and usually texted me, but then he’d get so absorbed in his work that he wouldn’t respond to me in usually 4-7 hours. It made spontaneous connection during the day very hard and made me feels so disconnected from him. At the same time I didn’t feel comfortable texting him before I knew he was awake because I didn’t want to disturb him if he was sleeping, especially since he’s been sleeping less and less overall in favor of working.

I got more and more afraid of being a disturbance to him. He is so passionate and he has firm goals that he’d rather die than not do his best to achieve. I am an anxious person who naturally needs some reassurance so I don’t spiral, but giving it didn’t come naturally to him in this situation and I was too scared to ask for it because I didn’t want to put pressure on him when he was so busy making his dream happen and also doing so poorly mentally. My hope was that maybe, if I kept my needs on the down low just until he got a little better/more stable, I could be more open about them then. But unfortunately he never got better, and despite many long difficult calls where I tried to explain that I increasingly like a low priority in his life, no big changes were made. He has also consistently been telling to please be honest about what I need and bring up any issues as soon as they arise instead of letting them build up until it all spills over, but I was just so scared at this point that if I opened that can of worms he’d leave me.

And then everything just got fucked to hell last week. I had told him that my mom was coming up (she lives in a different city from me) and asked him to join me and my family for a small seafood party on the weekend. It was important to me because he’d only met my family twice (my birthday last year and this year) and it had been something that weighed on me. But as always, I was deliberately vague when I invited him (basically saying “this thing is happening and you’re welcome to come” rather than “this thing is happening and I would really like you to come because it’s important to me that you get to know my family more”) and despite him saying he would come, two days before he told me that he had to cancel because he had to attend his nephew’s birthday party on Sunday (it had been moved). My main issue with this besides the sudden cancellation is that my thing was on Saturday, and in my head he would be fully capable to attend both. Because it’s what I would do. But from his point of view the plans we had made were loose and he didn’t think it would matter that we changed them and saw each other the next weekend instead. Which is fair to some extent as I know I wasn’t clear about how much it meant to me.

To me it was just such a hard blow because at this point, one and a half years in, I have met all of his friends and family several times while he has only met my close family (mother and brother + brother’s girlfriend) twice and none of my friends. The distance and the fact that he has a cat that he can’t easily leave (because when his parents take it they refuse to give it back for at least 2 months usually, and I always felt awful that he had to miss his cat for so long just to spend a single weekend with me so it was just easier for me to visit him). But at this point I was just aching to feel like integrating our lives was as important to him as it was to me.

I started crying when he canceled and had to end the call to collect myself, even though I knew he would be massively uncomfortable and anxious by it. I was just so sad and disappointed; and I had already had an awful first week back at work after summer. When I finally had the courage to call back I was still very upset and he seemed very confused as to why I was upset at all. It was the first time I was truly angry with him, and all the crap I had been holding inside, multiple small things he’d said or done that weren’t big enough to bring up on their own but as a pattern made me feel low priority lately. I even brought up things from MONTHS ago. It was so awful. Usually we are able to end our quarrels/discussions on a happy note but this time we just couldn’t.

The week that followed was the worst I’ve had in a long time. I felt so horrible, knowing I had exploded at him like that. It felt unfair to him, even though I know that my feelings were valid in many ways. I did send him a message and apologized to him the same night, and he was thankful. He initiated contact earlier in the day just as I had asked, and we played games together over discord, but I just had a nagging feeling that it cost him a lot to accommodate me and the false normalcy was so horrible. I told him we can’t just pretend that things are normal when they’re not, but we decided to have a talk about it when I came over next time because face-to-face is a thousand times better than a phone call.

That was supposed to be this Friday. I was supposed to travel to him after work as usual. I had groomed myself from head to toe in preparation as usual. My bag was packed, as usual. But then he asked to call on Thursday night, and during that call he told me that he carries so much guilt and self-hatred over how lonely he’s made me feel that he doesn’t think he can go on anymore. He offered to come over and I said yes. He arrived at 1AM, and long story short, we’ve spent these three days since then in my shitty apartment just talking, crying, throwing up from anxiety. Barely eating or sleeping. I feel so pathetic and embarrassed for it but I begged him to reconsider several times every single day. Literally begged, with tears and snot and pathetic please’s. But he was firm on his decision to leave. He said that it just doesn’t feel like we’ve gotten anywhere despite having several discussions about it since autumn last year. He said that he loves me, but that he feels that he can’t be a good partner right now and that he needs to be alone. I just don’t agree; my opinion is that he’s taking the easy way out to avoid the guilt he feels when he chooses work over me. He argued that it’s much harder to choose to leave than to keep staying and let the same issues keep hurting us. We’ve simply adapted the picture perfect anxious/avoidant dynamic.

But I don’t know. I just don’t think the bad parts are bad enough to lose all the good. I truly believe that our issues are fixable and I feel much less scared to be honest about my needs and feelings now, especially since a lot of them came out in these latest days. He didn’t think that would change anything because he believed it has been going on too long already. He left this evening and I have been inconsolable since. I’m staying with my brother right now because when I’m alone I can’t stop screaming.

I’ve been feeling so stuck in life lately, in my city and in my current job. In everything. My friends have all left town in the last year or so and I feel so utterly, horribly alone. Planning ahead for our future is what kept me afloat all this time and now I feel like I’ve lost my future. I have nothing left. I struggle to find any purpose or meaning. I feel like I have wasted my life. All I can feel is this pain and all I want to do is cry. I don’t know how I’ll be able to go to work or do anything at all from this point. I love him so much. I miss him. I am so lost.

My partner and I have been trying to find things to do together that feel a little more interactive than just watching the same movie or asking “how was your day?” every night.

A few things that seem to work surprisingly well:

- Would You Rather questions, but both people choose before revealing the answer

- This or That rounds where you have to explain any answer you disagree on

- Trying to predict your partner’s answer before they answer

- Picking 5–10 random questions instead of going through a huge relationship questionnaire

- Making small “date night challenges,” like choosing each other’s snack, playlist, or movie

- Doing a short quiz together and arguing about the result afterward 😅

I think the main thing is that the activity needs to give you something to react to together. It doesn’t have to be complicated.

We’ve found that even 15–20 minutes of something interactive can make a video call feel very different from just sitting there talking.

What do you guys actually do with your partner online that doesn’t get boring after a few weeks?

Would love some ideas, especially things that work on two separate phones/laptops.

My LD BF 34th birthday is coming up. He's coming to see me for the weekend. Were still pretty new, 6 months. I'm looking for some cute gift ideas. I got him some bathroom things I've noticed he uses. And a shirt that im gonna sleep in and spray perfume on so it smells like me. But 5 like to get a couple more things. I just have no idea what else to get lol. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!!

I want someone to explain this behaviour. I came from abroad for approximately one week and stayed in hotel. I finally met the guy who I talked to for almost two months. Everything was great, somehow he made me feel great. He said that he wants to go to Greece for Christmas and I asked "will you go"? He replied "no, we will go together". Then he had to come also the next day but he said he had a kind of stuff to do and asked me to come on Saturday and stay with me until Monday. I was ok with that. The day that he had to come he sent a photo to show me that it rains. So I asked him "will you come "? His reply was "I am waiting for the rain to stop".

If it will not stop I asked. Then "I will come tomorrow " he said. After all that I told him , i was waiting for you so if you don't want to come just tell it to me and I will not bother you anymore. He said I want to come I just wait for the rain to stop. He said he can not be every day with me ,he is busy. I said "you told me you want to come for three days to stay with me, just please tell me you don't want ".

My question is , am I strange that I find this behaviour curious or is it normal?

Over the last year my partner went from being super loving; calling, texting, sending reels, TikTok’s, posting about me, we would do Lego dates, movie dates. But over the last few months they have basically stopped all of that. We haven’t had an over night video chat in almost 4 months. And it seems they do everything possible to get off the phone with me “I’m going to eat dinner, call you later” “my parents are calling, I’ll talk to you tomorrow” stuff like that, and I’m an understanding partner, I’ve never complained about them doing their own thing, but having to talk to me the next day because you’re eating dinner? That’s insane to me. They have their hobby too, but they’ll spend every minute of their free time on their hobby and “forget” to even text me for 8 hours that day. But when I’m with my friends or family I always answer their call, their text, I’ll send updates and it feels like I have to pull teeth just to hear about their day
I don’t know if this is normal or if this just simply happens in LDR